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Snape's Story	By : tbird1965 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 33390 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 9
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. Complete. Het, solo, oral.

Chapter List
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Severus stared out the window at this street below, his hands clenched tightly behind his back. The counselor sat behind her desk, silently watching him. Sighing with annoyance, he turned and sat heavily in the seat across from her desk, glaring angrily. Aside from her initial greeting, she had not uttered a single word to him.

“So is this how it goes? We sit in silence until my time is up?” He growled, folding his arms across his chest. “Or am I supposed to pour my heart out to you, whinging about my horrible childhood and how my parents never loved me?”

“Is that where you would like to start? With your parents?” The witch asked softly.

“I do not wish to 'start' at all.” He snorted, standing up and pacing back and forth across the small office. “I have already poured my heart and soul out once on the erroneous belief that I was dying. Weren't you there at the final battle?” He turned to face her and sneered wickedly. “Or were you hiding under your bed, pissing your knickers in fear?”

“I was there.”

“So you've already heard my sordid tale of woe. Why must I rehash it all over again?” He returned to his seat in the chair, pinching the bridge of his nose wearily.

“Because I haven't heard it from you. I need to know how you feel about it.”

“Feel.” He said the word as if it tasted foul in his mouth. “I don't feel any thing. I don't want to feel any thing.”

“And therein lies your problem.” The counselor stared at him patiently from her seat behind the desk. “Severus, why do you drink?”

He snorted in disgust and folded his arms across his chest, his eyes dark and unreadable.

Unswayed by his silence, the witch consulted her notes. “You said in our first session that you masturbate frequently. How frequent?”

“Three or four times a day. More if I'm sober.”

If the woman was shocked by his frank admission, she did not show it. Inwardly her stomach twisted. 'Four times a day? Merlin's beard!' Smiling at him, she chose her words carefully. “You say you don't have feelings, yet you are using both masturbation and alcohol as a way to mask and numb your emotions, to hide from the pain of them, if you will. Those are both very common coping mechanisms.”

“And tell me,” He growled through gritted teeth, his rage evident on his face. “How do you cope, Counselor?” He spit her title at her, his voice dripping with disgust. “Surely you did not come through the war unscathed. How do you deal with your nightmares?”

“We are not talking about me. My life is not out of control. We are talking about you.”

“I. Am. Not. Out. Of. Control.” He growled each word at her, his fists clenching and unclenching reflexively, his breathing labored. She was sure if he'd been in possession of his wand he would have hexed her right there and then. She waited in silence until his hands relaxed and his breathing returned to normal. When she felt he had regained control, she spoke slowly and carefully.

“You were terminated from the job that you have held for over twenty five years. Your Potions license has been revoked, your wand and your magic have been suspended. You are one step away from a very real sentence in Azkaban.” She paused, giving him a chance to respond, to acknowledge what she was saying, when he remained silent, she continued gently. “From what I know of your life, you have every right to be in pain, to feel angry, outraged even. You asked me what I do to cope with my pain, my nightmares? I help people. Plain and simple. Helping others learn to heal from their tragedies, helps me to heal from mine.” She stared at him, her eyes pleading. “I can help you, if you'll let me.”

“How altruistic of you.” He sighed, but the fight had drained from his

his body. He seemed tired, defeated, hopeless. “And how, pray tell, do you plan to fix me.”

“I know that you refused AA meetings, but how familiar are you with their principles?”

“12 steps, submitting to a Higher power, forgiveness and all that malarkey?” He sighed. “I am a wizard. I do not believe in Muggle deities.”

“You don't have to, you only need to believe that there is something greater and more powerful then yourself. Please just hear me out before you judge.”

Severus had to quell the wicked grin that threatened to turn up the corner's of his lips. In her zeal, she had leaned forward, pressing her hands on her antique desk. Her eyes gleamed with a fire he recognized from her student days. This was an issue for which she was passionate. In that moment he recognized her sincerity, her true desire to help him.

“But there is nothing greater or more powerful then myself.” He teased, his face schooled in his best 'Professor scowl'. “Just ask my students.”

The counselor smiled at him and her heart lightened. She could help him after all. As she'd always suspected there was something more to the morose, snarky and often mean man. Deep down inside of him lurked a sharp and wicked sense of humor to match his sharp and wicked intelligence. Now if he could only learn to trust her enough, open up to her enough so she could use that to her advantage.

“This isn't your potion's classroom or your dungeons, Professor.” She teased back, her voice light.

“I thought there was something different about the room.”

“Do you know the Muggle Serenity prayer?”

“Please grant me the patience to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference?”

“Precisely.” She smiled. “That is your new mantra.”

“My mantra?” He quirked an eyebrow at her.

“Yes. Mantra, something you repeat over and over to yourself.”

“I know what a mantra is foolish girl. What I fail to see is how it will be helpful.”

“Just trust me.”

“Surely you must know I am neither a patient nor a trusting man.”

“Oh I think you are far more patient then you give yourself credit.” She glanced at her at her watch and made several notes on the parchment in front of her. “We are almost out of time. Your homework for this evening......”

“Homework?” He looked incredulously at her, “You propose to give me homework?”

“Consider it payback if you like. You certainly had no problems being generous when it came to passing out homework. ” She laughed. “Your homework for this evening is fairly simple.....don't drink.”

He nodded curtly as he stood and made his way towards the door, pausing, he turned to stare back at her, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Am I at least allowed to masturbate?”

A flush of red colored her cheeks. “Of course. I would only ask that before your begin, you pause for a moment and ask yourself why you are doing it. Is it because you are aroused and need release? Or is it because you are trying to avoid thinking or feeling.

He nodded to her again before sweeping out the door in a billow of black robes.
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