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Someone Like You, Someone Like Me...	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 4901 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
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Ok, Decided this needed updating, it wasn't finished and its bugging me! Lol. Suddenly got struck by the inspiration bug...enjoy peeps and expect more chapters soon. (OH and as always any review is very much appreciated)

Chapter One

“Potter!”

James turned around as he heard his name called, he had been thinking about Sirius…not that this was unusual but he hadn’t actually even hung around with his best friend and, until recently, lover for weeks. He smiled softly as Lily Evans stopped at his side. “Evans, to what do owe the pleasure?” He asked smoothly.

Her green eyes searched his face, her lips parting slightly as she did so before she sighed. “I know you and Black are…having problems.” She said tactfully.

James turned back in the direction he had been walking in and took a few steps before Lily caught up with him. “We’re just…we’re fine, Evans.” He said quietly, unwilling to discuss just how deep their relationship had actually been.

“Potter…Potter wait…!” She grabbed his hand and tugged him into a nearby classroom, when he was inside she cast a hasty silencing charm on the door before turning to him with the air of someone on a mission. “You know I’m good friends with Remus?”

“I do.” James said as he leaned against a desk, he frowned slightly as he pushed his glasses further onto the bridge of his nose.

“He seems so depressed lately, I’m concerned. Black’s hanging around him a lot more than usual, even in the library and neither of them seem to be happy. I just…” She sighed. “I just wandered if there was anything I can do.” She said finally.

James tipped his head back so he was looking up at the ceiling. “Really Evans, we’re just stressed.” He forced a smile on his lips. “Things can only get better, right?”

Lily eyed him suspiciously for a while before nodding reluctantly. “Ok, if you don’t want to talk then fine but you should know that the rumour mill at Hogwarts is terrible…they’re saying things…”

“Things like what?” James raised an eyebrow.

“That you and Black were shagging.” She said without the slightest hint of a blush, her face remained concerned, as if she hadn’t just said that the whole school thinks their Quidditch Hero and Pureblood Prince were getting off together at every opportunity.

James laughed softly to himself, he closed his eyes and shook his head as he pushed himself away from the desk. “Evans, I thought more of you…” He said as he passed her, he pushed open the door and gave her a smouldering look over his shoulder. “You never seemed the type to put much store in rumour…Love, I’m very straight.” He winked and walked away, leaving Lily alone.

She frowned in slight irritation, she hated James’ easy winks and smiles. She hated the way he would always be so condescending towards her and she hated that bloody self satisfied smirk he got when he managed to make her blush or put her on the back foot. “Ugh…You bastard, Potter!” She snapped angrily at the spot James had just vacated, she forced away the mental image of his smile and the blush that threatened to come with it as she began wandering if James had just charmed his way out of the situation. “There’s no smoke without fire, Potter…” She muttered and hoisted her bag over her shoulder once more, a sudden determination coming over her to find out for certain. She would do it for Remus who seemed so down and she was almost certain it had something to do with his best friend’s estrangement, she would stop at nothing to help him.

Sirius lay by the fire, stretched languidly with his arms cushioning his head. He gazed into the flames with heavily lidded eyes, his mind was blissfully full of memories of James. He smiled to himself, a gentle expression that made several girls in the common room sigh to themselves.

“He’s in love…” One of them said quietly.

“I wander who the lucky girl is?”

“She must be very good to catch his eye, he’s always so…so aloof. I haven’t seen him with any of the girls he’s supposedly been with…”

One of the girls leaned forward conspiratorially, beckoning her friends closer as they all bent their heads. Every so often they shot Sirius covert glances as he lay highlighted by flames as if he himself was on fire. “I spoke to that Ravenclaw prefect…Charmers? And she said she’s only ever seen him with James Potter or Remus Lupin…”

“So? He’s always with them…”

“No, listen…she followed Black and Lupin the other day and they went into a broom cupboard on the second floor!” The girl gave her friends significant looks.

“So…what is she suggesting? That Black is gay? With his best friends?”

The girl nodded firmly, glad they had finally cottoned on. “Isn’t that what everyone’s saying? I mean, it would explain a lot…he’s never been interested in any of the girls who have been following him around.”

“I just thought that was all part of his personality.”

“You know, girls, it’s rude to gossip.”

The girls flushed as they looked up to see James Potter eyeing them in irritation. The girl who had supplied the gossip sighed and pushed blond curls from her face. “It’s not gossip, Potter, it’s the truth! Everyone says so.”

“You don’t know that. Stop spreading nasty lies or you-” He was cut off as a hand landed softly on his shoulder, he was assaulted by the heady scent of his best friend and he had to fight with himself to avoid closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

“No, no Jamie, it’s alright. Let them talk.” Sirius said quietly, his eyes were shadowed by his fringe but their brilliance was still obvious. “Because they’re just jealous.”

“Us?! Jealous?” The girl scoffed, ignoring the worried looks of her friends. “Why would I be jealous of you?”

Sirius let a smile grace his face, he leaned over the table, planting the hand that had been on James’ shoulder onto the wood. He lifted his free hand and lifted her chin with a finger, their faces were so close he could smell the mint on her breath. “Because, love, I’m fucking irresistible and if I were gay I’d bed every single bloke in this school as easy as clicking my fingers…” He paused and cocked his head to one side, his eyes smouldering darkly. The girls face turned pink and her eyes widened. “And I wouldn’t leave any for you and your pathetic, immature friends.” He growled against her lips. With a small giggle he drew away and released his spell. “For your information girls, I don’t fuck immature brats.” He said casually. “Especially not ones that look as if they’ve been hit a few times in the face with bludgers.” He added as an afterthought. He walked away without looking back but James watched their horrified faces for a moment, one of them burst into tears and was immediately comforted by her friends.

James shook his head at them. “You shouldn’t have said anything.” He sighed and turned away from their glares and automatically followed his friend back to the dorm.

Sirius lay on his front on his bed, his face buried in his pillow as he inhaled the familiar scent of his mate. He moaned softly to himself and remembered the night times when he would be unable to help crawling into bed with Remus, when he would be pushed into the sheets and his cries would be stifled by a sweaty palm.

“Sirius?”

The door creaked open and James’ voice filtered through the empty room, slowly Sirius sat up and gazed at James through heavily lidded eyes. “James.” He replied quietly and their eyes met, it was as if lightening shot between them and he shuddered, it was so hard not to stand and slam his ex-lover into the wall. It was far too hard not to rip his shirt off and bite at his collar bone…he shook his head roughly, blinking away the filthy rout his mind was taking him. He was horny enough as it was without imagining James’ cock inside him. “What’s up?” He croaked after a minute of trying to make his voice work.

James took a few steps to the bed and sat down, his hand reached automatically for Sirius’ and their fingers entwined. Their gazes became heavy as James looked at his ex-boyfriend. “I’m…I’m sorry, Padfoot…” He whispered, the words slipping past his lips before he could stop them. “I wish that I…I just…” He lowered his head and rubbed his eyes behind his glasses. “This is all my fault, somehow I fucked everything up.”

Sirius gazed at their interlocked fingers and sighed. “No. No you didn’t…It was my fault. I was stupid…I should have realised what was going to happen and I was so shit scared of hurting Moony that I held back in our fight. If I hadn’t have done that I could probably have stopped it from happening…” He shivered as he remembered the wolf inside him, the feel of that non-human penis actually violating his body. “Merlin!” He breathed softly. “I’m such a bloody twat!”

“Do…Do you reckon it would have been different if we could go back and do it all again?” James muttered as he watched his thumb running across the inside of Sirius’ palm, he frowned against the pain in his chest. “I mean…if we had a time-turner and we…and we stopped it all…”

Sirius sighed and moved closer to the man he had loved for as long as he had known he was gay. Gently he touched his forehead against James’ and smiled bitterly. “I reckon we could.”

“Siri?”

“Mmm?” Sirius kept his eyes closed, still retaining their contact at both hands and foreheads.

“What would you have done if this had never happened?”

“Whatever you wanted me to.”

“Would you…would you have ever considered moving in with me after Hogwarts?”

Sirius opened his eyes and his smile was breathtaking as he pushed a hand into James’ hair, he pressed his lips lightly against his boyfriends. “The Death Eaters would have to tear my limb from limb to fucking stop me.” He breathed against James’ mouth.

“We could have had a future you know…” James replied, his voice breaking slightly as he ran the knuckles of his free hand down Sirius’ face. “We could have been…happy…”

“James?” Sirius grabbed his hand and squeezed gently. “You will always be my future. No matter what happens to me, I will always be by your side. Even if you forget about me…even if a whole continent separates us, just say my name and I will find you!”

“But…why…?”

Sirius smiled. “Because I love you, because we’re friends…because I…I owe you my life, James Potter.”

James snorted derisively at that. “Since when have I saved your life?” He asked.

Sirius drew away slightly and his smile slipped. “Do you really need to be told?” After a second he sighed heavily and closed his eyes. “I ran away from home.”

“Yeah, I noticed that.” James said with amusement, but Sirius didn’t seem to share it so he sobered.

“I ran away because…because I…because he was…” Sirius stuttered over his sentences before shaking his shaggy hair from his eyes. “Fuck.” He whispered and chuckled humourlessly. “This is harder than I first imagined it would be…”

“Sirius, what’s going on?” James asked, a frown of concern on his face as he brushed hair from Sirius’ eyes absently.

Sirius closed his eyes and spoke in a voice that was almost inaudible. “It was my father…”

“What?” James became more confused than ever, he gazed at Sirius’ face.

“W-When you a-asked me…Who I…Who I l-lost my…virginity to…It was him.” Sirius took a shuddery breath, refusing to open his eyes and see James’ face. “I don’t remember when it started…All I know is that for as long as I can remember my father has been coming into my room at night and…and well…touching…” He shivered again, continuing to keep his eyes closed. He needed to tell James, he needed James to know why he owed him so much.

James stared at Sirius with wide eyes, he hadn’t even guessed…he had no idea what to do or say, he could only gape like a prat. Words seemed hollow and everything he had ever done for Sirius seemed ridiculously inadequate.

“I thought it was perfectly normal, my father told me it was…why would I question that? It wasn’t until Andromeda found out…She caught my father in my room one evening and began shouting, screaming…” He chuckled again and it sent horrible shivers down James’ spine. “She told my father she was leaving and taking me with her, I was so young at the time I was simply too scared to even move from the bed. My father stood there, his cock out and shouted at her…my m-mother…she…she was away for the weekend with her brother. I…I’ve never been so scared in my life!” He covered his face with both hands, remembering the terror, the heart shattering realisation that parents weren’t supposed to hold their kids down and wank over their faces. He shivered at the remembered feeling of his own father’s hands on his cock, the memories almost made him sick. “My father told her he would hunt her to the ends of the earth if he took me…his eldest son, his heir…with her. I think I was crying but I don’t really remember.” James watched as Sirius bent over until he was doubled over, he could hear a soft retching noise coming from him and suddenly summoned the waste paper basket, Sirius gasped and sat upright as he grabbed it and vomited violently. Gently James took his long hair and held it, soothingly he rubbed his back in small circles and uttered soft, calming noises until Sirius had stopped the strange sobbing shudders and gained some control. After James had cleaned the mess with a casual flick of his wand while Sirius had cleaned himself up, Sirius resumed his story in a dead monotone. He spoke with clouded eyes, as if he was no longer in the present with James but far in his past watching his favourite cousin walking away from him for what seemed like forever…

XXX

“…If you take him Andromeda I will personally ensure that the filthy Mudblood you have been fraternising with is killed! Do you understand me woman?!”

Andromeda’s face paled considerably in the face of Orion Black’s rage, she open and closed her mouth a few times before taking a shuddery breath. She stood tall and proud before her Uncle and glared at him furiously. “You’re sick. You’re sick in the head, do you know that Orion?!”

“I am not the one consorting with a Mudblood you vile traitor!”

“No, you’re abusing your son! I think that gives me the high ground.” She turned to see Sirius staring at the scene with huge eyes, his body was covered in marks. Marks of violence and abuse, both sexual and physical. “Oh you poor, poor child…” She muttered as tears sprang to her eyes, she moved towards him and pulled him into an embrace. “I am so, so sorry. I wish…I wish I could take you away from all this…I wish that you could come and live with Teddy and I but…” She took a shuddery breath and took hold of Sirius’ face both her hands.

“I can’t leave.” Sirius said in a soft voice. “I can’t leave Reg.”

Andromeda had tears pouring down her white face, she kissed Sirius on the forehead. “Be strong then, Sirius Black. Be strong like I know you are.” With a breath like a whisper she said; “Think for yourself, do not allow others to tell you what is right and wrong.” And released him.

Sirius was nine years old when Andromeda left him, he watched with tearless eyes as she walked away from her hated family and suddenly wished desperately that he could have gone with her. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t because he had Regulus to think of, Regulus who needed him to fight off the monsters, to battle the lightening so it couldn’t hurt him.

His father had taken to molesting him every so often, not so often though, that Sirius couldn’t ignore it. So he went about his daily life as if it never happened, and when he heard his father’s footsteps, his heavy, alcohol scented breath against his cheek and those cold hands sliding the duvet off of his body, he simply closed his eyes and imagined he was elsewhere…anywhere but at Grimmauld Place.

When he came home the summer after his first year, proudly announcing to his mother that he had got into Gryffindor, he had never suspected that his father planned a new and more evil punishment. That night he was stealing some chocolate cake when he was disturbed by the door snapping shut, he swore loudly and dropped the plate he had been holding. “Father!” He gasped and imeadiately backed into the wall, the look on his face was terrifying. He had never seen his father’s eyes so dark and blank before.

“Were you stealing, Boy?”

“I…I was hungry…It was only a little…Please I…”

“SILENCE!”

Sirius had fell silent. He was only twelve and had no idea how to respond to this new and much more terrifying version of his father’s fury. “S-Sir…?” He whispered as his father advanced, he tensed, preparing for the assault that he knew was coming and it did…pain slammed through his right side and he gritted his teeth against a cry as he fell against the table with a groan. His father grabbed a handful of his hair roughly in one fist, he slammed his head into the table again and again until Sirius was dizzy and incoherent.

“You will not steal from us, you ungrateful brat! Do you understand me? I have had enough of you. You proudly flaunt your filthy, bloodtraitor ways in front of your impressionable brother and show no remorse for your actions! I will be forced to punish you! I will take away that pride of yours young man and I will make you beg for forgiveness!”

Sirius could taste blood, it filled his mouth from a missing tooth and a lacerated tongue. His brain wasn’t functioning and he couldn’t prevent his father from forcing him onto his hands and knees, from tearing his pyjama’s open and raping him. He could hardly even keep himself upright, his head hit the floor so the only thing keeping from total collapse was his fathers hands on his hips. It hurt. Everything hurt. He could only sob helplessly, apologise through the blood and agony. He could only squint through tears of pain and humiliation as he opened his eyes and saw her standing in the door way. “Mother! Mother p-please…please h-help…M-Mum….” He reached out a hand, hoping that he would see the love and affection she had shown Regulus in the past in those steely grey depths. But what she did made his heart stop in his chest. It broke him forever…

“Filthy slut!” She cried and slammed the door as she stormed out of the kitchen.

Sirius’ eyes fell half-closed, his hand fell to the floor and he buried his face in his arms. He felt the pain wash over him as his father reached completion and pulled away, Sirius fell to the floor in an untidy heap and simply stared into space. It was easier not to think about it. It was easier to push it out of his mind. It was easier…so…so much easier to pretend it had never happened…A soft lullaby escaped his lips as his father had hissed insults at him…a lullaby sung to him on the rare occasions Andromeda had baby sat for him. He sighed and let unconsciousness take him…

XXX

“I hate them all but…but I hate her most of all…I hate her because o-of what she did…because of what she said…” Sirius covered his face with his hands and curled in on himself. “You…it was you who stopped me…you stopped me from just throwing myself from the Astronomy Tower when I returned to Hogwarts. James, it was your smile that gave me hope…” Slowly he dropped his hands and blinked at James. “It was your smile, your touch, your friendship that helped me to learn to live.”

James could only stare. There was so much he didn’t know about Sirius, so much he wanted to discover, so much he was so helpless to erase. “Siri…I…I’m sorry.” The words felt stupid and hollow.

Sirius smiled, a genuine smile that wiped his cares away momentarily. “It doesn’t matter.” He said firmly.

“I only…I only wander about one thing…” James asked slowly, a frown creasing his brow. “Why are you…I mean…why are you gay…after all that? I just would have thought someone would have hated having anal sex after that kind of thing…” James looked confused and Sirius laughed.

“I don’t know the answer to that myself but I’ve known I was gay for longer than most, I was pretty young when I worked out girls were not my thing. Again, it was you who helped me there too…” His voice dropped huskily as he leaned closer and touched James’ face with the tips of his fingers. “I had my first proper wet dream about you, Potter.” He muttered with a seductive smirk.

James flushed slightly pink but looked pleased. “I’m honoured.” He said with a smile. He leaned into Sirius’ touch and sighed as he let his eyes fall closed. “I’m glad you know…”

“Glad?” Sirius purred, he was close to James now and was nipping lightly at his ear.

“Yeah…” James whispered as Sirius ran his tongue across his skin. “Glad you didn’t top yourself…if you had…we wouldn’t be able to be together now.”

Sirius hummed happily in response as he climbed into James’ lap and began pulling open his shirt, his fingers deftly working at James’ tie. “I’m glad too.” He replied with a smile, he cocked his head to the side like a curious puppy. “I’m really, really glad, Jamie.”
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Someone Like You, Someone Like Me...