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Treasure Falls	By : WinterRaven Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Lily Views: 11439 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the Harry Potter series and fandom. I do not make any profit from writing this story.

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II. Psychological Counterpoint

The light was insistent, blistering his closed eyelids and filtering through the skin with a hot red tinge. Snape stirred. He groaned out loud, wondering why he felt compressed in heat. He normally woke in the mornings body stiff with bitter cold thanks to the thin walls and the unforgiving winter wind outside. He opened his eyes slowly, registering the scene around him. He gasped. How could he have forgotten?
For a moment, Snape thought the previous night's events had been nothing more than a dream -- a blissful, incredibly impossible dream, but a fantasy nonetheless. How wrong he was: Lily Evans stood at the foot of his bed, entirely nude.
She was covered in a sheen of leftover sweat, a souvenir from their evening together. The sheen only served to illuminate her already enticing figure and Snape gulped in trepidation. The beginnings of arousal. He moved his eyes away from her supple hips and snapped them to her gaze, only to flinch. Her look held no trace of happiness, only a mingled cross between fury and worry.
"Why?" was all she said.
Snape stared. He sat up slowly and ran a suddenly trembling hand through his long hair.
"W-why what?" he whispered nervously. Her gaze only increased in rage and he recoiled as though she had smacked him. "Do you mean about last night?" Snape continued, his voice low and shaking. "I--I thought you wanted to..."
"I did. I wanted you," she said curtly. "But I'm not talking about us having sex, Sev."
There was a long pause. Snape's mind was unusually blank.
"I'm talking about your skin," Lily finished.
Without ceremony, she pointed a finger at Snape's exposed torso. He froze entirely, only just registering that he was as nude as she was. He stole a glance down at himself, his pathetic, malnourished form. Ribs that poked visibly underneath sallow skin. A collarbone that jutted rudely forth. His knobbly knees. The scars, seemingly endless lines of them, rushing over Snape's upper arms, his shoulders and near his hipbones. All places he thought no one would ever see.
He sputtered but she cut him off.
"How long have you been doing this to yourself?" she said.
Her eyes traced the different colored wounds; the freshest ones were still deep red and haphazardly scarred over. The older ones were raised lines, some dark brown, some completely white on his already pale skin.
Snape wanted to explain but his brain jammed. He spouted gibberish at her as he flung himself toward his grey sheets. He wrapped the sheets around his upper body like a silly cape, making sure to cover not only his upper body but his nude lower half as well; the sheets fell to his knees. Snape gulped again. Lily remained stubbornly nude, not at all perturbed by her nakedness. Despite her beautiful form directly in front of him, Snape had never been less turned on in his life. He repressed the urge to vomit and bolt from the room.
He closed his eyes and let out a low hiss. How could he have been so stupid as to not garb himself? He had been so intoxicated with Lily the night before that he could barely breathe, let alone think rationally. Having her, taking her, feeling her tight heat wrapped around him. Snape opened his eyes again.
Stop thinking about that, he snarled internally. Focus.
He and Lily stared at each other, neither blinking.
She saw. She knew. She would never forget.
He had no logical explanation as to why he harmed himself. How could he explain this to her when he barely understood why he did it? All he knew was that those private moments with his blade were some of the few where his whirring brain was put on pause. He needed the mental stillness, needed his mind to stop working for those few blissful minutes so that he would not go mad with the constant brooding and self loathing and loneliness and obsessing about the girl before him...
"Answer me," Lily snarled, snapping him back to the present moment.
He sputtered again, consumed with the urge to do many things at once: run, cry, scream. His eyes darted to the door and she noticed this, for she moved backward to it, blocking it completely with her naked body.
"Answer me!" she commanded again.
"I--I have nothing to say," he responded feebly.
His eyes were tearing up. Master yourself.
He blinked and forced himself to take a deep breath, successfully stopping the inevitable flow of crying at the cost of a strange, mask-like look smothering his face. His repression of emotion only served to anger Lily further. Her face was red with suppressed rage.
"You have nothing to say," Lily breathed. Her voice was flat but her next words shamed Snape more than anything else. "I gave myself to you last night, Sev. I was... I was scared but I was honest about everything I felt for you. What if you had rejected me--"
"I--I would never!" he said in a strangled voice, his back was as rigid as a board. "Lily, please--"
"Be quiet," she said coldly. "I was the one who was honest but you won't be honest with me." Her voice cracked. "You've taken advantage of me."
"What?" he yelped, his face burning with confusion. "No! I'd never-- Look, Lily, I just-- it's... I can't talk about why... about why I do this to myself," he finished feebly. "I'm sorry."
"No," Lily said, her voice hard now. "No, I'm sorry Sev."
She moved from the door so quickly that she seemed a blur. She rushed past Snape without looking at his terrified face. She picked up her garments from the ground, dressing herself silently, pulling on underwear, her pants and shirt. He wanted to move, to speak, but he couldn't even if he tried to. He clutched onto the sheets as if his life depended on it. When she returned to the door she adjusted the zipper on her heavy coat. She did not turn around as she wrenched the door open.
Before she left, she spoke in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
"If you're not willing to be open with me, then I'm no longer willing to speak to you." There was a pause in which Snape felt that the wind had been knocked from him; he stopped breathing altogether.
"But," Lily continued, her voice quiet like a soft, forgiving breeze, "if one day you decide to open up to me... then come find me. I'll be waiting, Sev."
"Don't leave!" Snape managed to gasp, his arm outstretched and his hand groping air as if hoping he could snatch her back.
She ignored him as she swept from the room, her long red hair dancing behind her. His door slammed, rattling the walls, shaking him to the core. He stared ahead with his mouth open. He thought that was the end of it, but to Snape's horror, Lily did not escape from the house undetected. He froze as he heard his mother's voice trail from the living room to his bedroom.
"Lily?" came her surprised question.
"Hello Eileen," Lily responded; Snape felt inexplicable rage kick in at how falsely cheerful Lily sounded. She was so convincing that he could clearly envision her wide, happy smile. "I haven't seen you in a while. I'm sorry I haven't been by. I've been busy with school."
"That's quite okay," Snape's mother said, her voice rather muffled. "Good to see you either way."
"Likewise. I was just leaving. I popped by earlier this morning to say hi to Sev."
"That was nice of you."
There was a long pause.
"Well, good seeing you," Lily said and without waiting for a response, she walked out of the shabby house onto the street covered in brilliantly white snow.
Snape couldn't help himself as he jumped from his bed, making sure he was fully covered the entire time. He finished pulling the curtains back so that the full sunlight burst into his room. The light burned his eyes, but he didn't care. He stared, unashamedly, down at the sidewalk as Lily made her way down the empty block. She was going to turn the corner when she stopped abruptly. As if knowing Snape was watching her from his window, she wound herself around slowly.
To Snape's shock, he noticed she was crying.
I can't let this happen. I can't let her cry, he thought.
He extraciated himself from the sheets like a wild man, falling down in the process. He heard his mother's concerned call from the living room but he ignored her as he pulled his messy hair into a ponytail and threw on his clothes from the night before. He stumbled around the room, one foot at a time, trying to put his spare pair of boots on. He lost his balance and knocked into the door of his private bathroom. It swung open and he steadied himself on the sink before he could keel over on his face.
There was a pause when he caught a look at himself in the mirror; cheeks flushed, his eyes glinting strangely as if full of light, but for some odd reason, Snape did not recoil at the sight of himself as he usually did. He blinked, confused for a moment, before he realized a profound change had come about his demeanor. He was terrified but he was also different now-- he had given himself to someone. He glowed with the reverberation of it all.
He tore his eyes from his reflection, remembering what he intended to do. Stealing a glance out of the window, his heart skipped several beats. Lily was still standing at the corner of the block, facing Snape's window. Her long hair was billowing in the wind.
She's waiting for me.
He made sure his boot laces were tied and burst out into the hallway. His stunned mother sat on the sofa but unlike her son's face, her was not flushed. She was extremely pale. With a jolt in his stomach, Snape realized she was worried. Snape said nothing to her but he knew that she knew what had happened the night before despite what Lily had said. Snape ignored her dazed gaze as he snatched his wand from the floor. He ran to the door, not bothering to throw on his coat as he stumbled outside. He caught up with Lily in a matter of seconds.
She was still crying, tears spilling down her face like small rivers. They were so close that he could count her freckles again, perhaps even her eyelashes if he stood there long enough. A reckless daring seized him and he cupped Lily's tearful face in his hands. They kissed slowly, lips brushing together, but nothing more.
"Don't leave," he said, his voice shaking as much as his body. "Don't."
"You should get off me," she whispered and tried to pull away halfheartedly.
Snape kissed her again.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, trying to control the evenness of his voice.
"I just don't understand why," she whimpered, now burying her head in the crook of Snape's neck. He stiffened as her arms wrapped around his thin waist. "Sev, I don't like knowing that you... you suffer like that."
He said nothing, his eyes roaming the quiet of Spinner's End. No one was outside, curtains were shut on the neighbors windows. Parked cars were buried underneath snow that was so bright that it hurt Snape's pupils. He leaned into Lily and she grasped onto him harder, as if afraid he would disappear.
"Please, tell me everything," she said, her voice vulnerable and soft.
Snape gulped.
"Not here, surely?" he whispered.
"No, of course not," she responded, breathing hotly onto Snape's skin. His eyes fluttered shut. "Maybe... maybe we can go back to your place?"
"But my mom," Snape said awkwardly. "Lily, she knows."
Lily pulled away from Snape, her eyes glinting in the sun.
"Does that bother you?" she asked.
Snape shook his head.
"It's just... look, there's a lot going on right now. We need to talk about last night too."
Lily frowned.
"You're trying to change the subject," she said crossly.
"No, I'm not," Snape said. He blushed at the intensity in her gaze. "It's just... I--I never thought that would happen between us."
"Like I said... I've always wanted that."
Snape blushed deeper crimson and looked away from Lily. She scowled at his embarrassment. His mind was whirring, uncomfortably aware that he had no escape from talking to her about his scars. He sighed.
Let's tackle one issue at a time.
"Okay," he whispered, his eyes locking on hers. "Let's go back."
Lucky for Snape, by the time they re-entered his house, his mother was no where to be found. He was soon facing Lily on his bed again. He gulped as she threw herself down on the linens, seemingly comfortable and not anxious like he was. Her coat somehow ended up on the floor. She sat, her legs outstretched, her back leaning against a wall, giving Snape such a penetrating stare that he wondered wildly if she knew how to perform Occulmency.
"Well?" she whispered.
"Look," he started, and without realizing it, began pacing around his room like a caged animal. "Like I said earlier, I don't... I don't really know why I do this--"
"When did you begin then?" she interrupted.
Snape stopped moving; his back was to her. He caught a look at himself again in the bathroom mirror. He was whiter than he'd ever been in his life.
"Two...two years ago."
There was a long pause. He remembered that night, stumbling into the bathroom in Slytherin house, holing himself up in the shower stall. He had stolen a blade from one of his dorm mates, ripped the razor apart and lowered the metal to his shoulder--
"Fifth year?" Lily whispered. Her voice was shaking as she put the pieces together. Snape could almost grasp the sound of her brain whirring.
"Yes."
"So... so, you started this when--"
"When you stopped talking to me," he finished for her. His voice was so small, he was amazed that she had heard him.
"Sev, turn around."
"No."
Lily made an impatient noise.
"I didn't know-- Sev, if I had known that you would have done that to yourself--"
"Then what?" Snape said. "You would have kept our friendship?" His voice was hard and incredulous. He almost wanted to laugh but stopped himself. Lily did not respond immediately. Snape glanced up at the mirror again and saw that she was standing close behind him. He did not move. Her eyes were shining.
"You were that upset?" she murmured, moving closer to him. Snape remained frozen. There was a strange look in her eyes. "Sev--"
Her hands snaked around his waist, fingers running up his chest. Snape couldn't contain the gasp that left him. He held her hands in his own but before he could peel them from himself, Lily ran them slowly down to his belt buckle.
"No," he said firmly, ignoring the hardness starting to emerge. "Lily, I don't need pity sex."
"This isn't out of pity," she said, breathing into his ear. Snape trembled as she unbuckled his belt. "This is my apology."
Her hand found his erection and tugged it from his boxers. Snape groaned; he watched her hungrily in the mirror. Her eyes were shut, she was licking her lips, her cheeks flushed pink. He arched his back slightly as she moved her hand up and down his throbbing shaft. His knees started to buckle.
"Bed?" she said.
He nodded and gently prised himself from her. She immediately went to the window and shut the curtains closed.
"We should be quiet," Snape whispered, as he pulled his pants off. He gulped as Lily undressed herself. She said nothing but to his shock, dropped to her knees and engulfed his cock in her mouth without another word.
He had a hard time following his own advice. The scream he repressed sounded like nails on a chalkboard, harsh and sharp. Her head bobbed backward and forward and he stole a glance down. More blood rushed to his cock at the sight of her eyes rolling, her stifled moans, the wet sounds of her sucking. He noticed one of her hands snaked down in between her, fingers dipping into her dripping folds.
Snape instinctively held her head, coaxing her deeper. They made eye contact, her blazing look consumed with need. He felt his balls tightening and after a few minutes, gently pulled her mouth from him. She groaned, bringing her glistening fingers to her mouth.
"I really am sorry," she murmured, standing up.
Snape said nothing but dragged her to his desk chair. He sat down, his erection bobbing in the air, begging for her. She lowered herself on it obligingly; they both groaned. Snape bucked up into her as she moved her body on him, grinding herself into him. He gripped her hips firmly, his head tipped back. Her mouth caught his and they kissed slowly in time with drawn out thrusts.
He needed to fill her. The desire was beyond any reasonable control. A small voice in the back of his mind told him not to, told him this was foolish, even dangerous. But the sound of her muffled moan stopped Snape from listening to that voice. He took in her wild movements hungrily; he needed her completely.
"Come with me," he said, his voice more of a command than a quiet insistence.
She nodded, her fingers down below again.
"Promise me," she whimpered and she grinded her hips into his cock. He jolted with pleasure. "Promise me, Sev, that you'll never cut again."
They stared at each other.
"I--" he started. She had stopped. "I swear I won't."
She smiled softly and her hands snaked down again. He felt her playing wildly with her clit, bouncing up and down on him at the same time. He clamped his lips down on her nipple and she stopped herself from screaming by biting into his neck. The combined sharpness of the pain and her wetness tightening over his needy cock threw him over the edge. He thrust in to the hilt, his cock pulsing as he emptied himself inside of her.
When they both calmed down enough to gather their ragged breathing, they locked eyes. A brief understanding passed through them, jolting them as if they had been burned.
He saw the panic in her green irises and he suddenly felt the same fear. It washed over him, hot and frightening. Lily glanced down at their bodies connected, Snape's cum leaking from her tightness and she glanced back up at him.
"Sev," she whispered, her voice shaking. "Sev... What have we done?"

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Treasure Falls