Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Responsible	By : The-Shiny-Slowpoke Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3655 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter series and it's characters belong to JK Rowling and I make no profit from this work of fiction :)

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I grabbed the mantelpiece as I landed to steady myself, accidentally squeezing Harry as I tried not to drop him. The young boy grizzled at me and I frowned, straightening to see Remus stood in the doorway of his living room. The young man looked absolutely knackered where he was resting against the doorframe, regarding me carefully.
I turned and glanced at the clock behind me, realising just how disgustingly early it was.
“Remus-” I began, about to apologise for turning up at his house so late when the other man cut across me.
“I’d have thought this would be the last place you’d come to in case of emergency.” The older man rasped, raising a hand to scratch at his unkempt hair. His deep brown eyes look restless, and stubble graces his usually well shaven face. It struck me then how long it had been since I had checked in on him…
And how little I had worried about him recently. I’d been so sure that he’d been spying for the other side that I’d never taken the time to care how he was coping with the strains of the war.
“Remus…” I sighed, frowning when Harry grizzled again, squirming unhappily and blinking moisture from his almond shaped green eyes. I raised him to rest against my shoulder, cradling his back and bum whilst swaying in an awkward attempt to soothe him. “…I’m sorry.” I finally whispered, not knowing what else I could say.
My former friend’s eyes darkened and I saw him inhale sharply, pain flashing across his scarred features. Dumbledore must have already told him something of the situation, as he had not questioned why I had Harry.
“What’s happened, Sirius…? Dumbledore sent a patronus over to tell me that you needed a safe place to stay with Harry and that you were on your way… He didn’t say why, only that you’d explain when you got here.” Remus rumbled, waving his wand and making me jump as the fire leaped to life behind me. I moved to the threadbare, battered looking sofa and sat down, Remus joining me soon after. “Sirius… Sirius, why do you have Harry?” He asked shakily, his voice tight and his eyes pained. He had to have guessed already, but he deserved details. I tried to hold myself together, swallowing hard and exhaling heavily as I shifted Harry round to cradle him again. The little tyke had fallen asleep again, one chubby fist tucked into his mouth.
“Because… I’m his legal guardian now.” I announced shakily, too tired and overwhelmed to go through the grief of explaining what’d happened. My eyes were already beginning to sting, and I felt a sob crawl it’s way up my throat. I let it out, my shoulders shuddering as I did. Remus was one of the few people who had seen me cry before, and hiding it in was only making me feel worse. “Lily and… Lily and James are dead.” I croaked, feeling the tears I had been holding back so fiercely spill over my cheeks as another heart-wrenching sob escaped my lips.
“Sirius… You were there secret keeper…” The brown haired man opposite me pointed out, his brows furrowing and a look of disgust marring his features. “What did you do?!” He cried at me, making me recoil and hold Harry closer to my chest.
“I… I didn’t know…” I breathed raggedly, sucking in a sharp breath and letting out a violent sob. “I didn’t know this would happen…! James and I… We… We thought that I was too obvious a choice for their secret keeper. James said Voldemort would guess it were me in a heartbeat, he didn’t want to put me in danger…” I gushed, reaching up to wipe my face on the back of my sleeve. I cursed at myself, self-hatred hot in my chest. “I should have just been his secret keeper. I shouldn’t have let him talk me out of it… But… But he did and I suggested Peter as their secret keeper. We both thought that no one would ever even consider that Peter could be their secret keeper…”
“No… No…!!! Sirius, Peter couldn’t… Peter wouldn’t!” Remus insisted, looking appalled at the implication of what I was saying. I laughed bitterly, gritting my teeth and speaking through them.
“But he did! Peter did. Peter betrayed us… We thought… Well, everyone thought Peter adored James. Not even I realised what a mistake it was making someone as cowardly as Peter a secret keeper, because I trusted him with James’ life.” I groaned, my teeth aching from how hard I was clenching my jaws together as tears ran freely down my face. “Peter turned in James and Lily to Voldemort. I… I heard from James not long ago that Peter hadn’t checked in for a while, so I went to his hiding spot last night to see if he was okay… But he wasn’t there, Remus. Peter had fled. Nothing was out of place, there were no signs of a struggle… He was just gone. So… So I rode to the Potters’ place, thinking the worse… And their house… It was destroyed. Swarming with muggle police. The only wizard there was Hagrid, and he had Harry… But James and Lily… They’re gone. They’re dead. They’re… They’re both dead.” I cried, wrinkling my nose in disgust at myself when my loud crying woke Harry, who began to bawl unhappily at being disturbed.
Remus stayed quiet, just staring at me for a long few minutes until I saw him swallow, tear tracks glistening in the fire light as he tried to wrap his head around what I had said. “I can’t… I can’t believe that Peter…”
“Well he did, you can disbelieve it all you want but it’s what happened. Peter betraying the Potters wasn’t even the weirdest thing about this. Apparently, Lily sacrificed herself for Harry-”
“Of course she did, Sirius, she loved Harry more than anything. That’s not weird-”
“I know that’s not weird, will you let me talk?!” I snapped, rubbing the creases between my eyebrows bad temperedly. “Can you take Harry…? I… I’m no good at keeping him calm.” I sighed, holding out the squalling baby for Remus to take. The man accepted Harry without hesitation, holding him close to his chest and bouncing him gently against his body. “What’s weird is that Lily sacrificed herself for Harry, and apparently that put some form of protective spell around Harry. Dumbledore said that he’s read before that if someone sacrifices themselves out of love it can place a powerful spell on the person they were protecting. Because of this spell, when Voldemort attacked Harry… The spell backfired.”
“What’re you saying…?” Remus queried softly, his cheek resting on Harry’s downy mop of hair as the young boy sniffled softly.
“Voldemort’s gone too, Remus…” I imparted, rubbing my eyes weakly and sniffing unpleasantly. I eyed Harry, glad Remus had managed to quiet him.
“You mean… Voldemort is dead…? So the war…”
“Is over, yeah. At a price…” I agreed, watching as Remus took in Harry’s appearance for the first time. The brunette licked his thumb and gently rubbed at the dried blood on the tots forehead, making the boy whinny unhappily.
“Poor Harry…” He mumbled softly, flinching a little when he saw the true extent of the lightning shaped welt on Harry’s forehead.
“Poor Harry.” I confirmed, feeling sick to my stomach thinking about how Harry would never know his parents. Not really. I could tell him stories, show him pictures, but he’d never know them. Not like I had… And that was so unfair. So wrong.
“I… I’ll get you and Harry some sheets. We’ll sort out more permanent living arrangements at a more reasonable hour… For now we should just all get some sleep. You’ll have to use the sofa until I erect a better bed Sirius.” Remus sighed, standing and handing Harry back to me carefully. “I’ll try find a basket or something similar for Harry to sleep in for the night, I don’t have a cot or a bassinet.”
“Yeah, okay…” I allowed, unbothered by having to sleep on the sofa. “Can he stay down here with me…? I’m… I’m not ready to let him out of my sight. He’s been through enough.” I asked hesitantly, wondering if Remus would be offended or think I didn’t trust him.
“Yeah… But, Sirius… Why did you cut me out? You and I… It’s felt like we’ve not been friends for a while. Do you not trust me anymore…?” The werewolf questioned, his eyes full of hurt at the idea.
“In all honesty… I didn’t trust you. It was stupid of me, I know that now, and when Dumbledore told me to stay somewhere safe you were the first person that came to mind. I trust you, I do, but I… I was scared for Lily and James, I wasn’t thinking straight. I grew suspicious of everyone. That may have cost the Potters their lives…” I lamented, cuddling Harry close to my chest and sighing shakily.
This was all my fault.
“Sirius, this isn’t your fault. James trusted Peter too, Merlin, even I would have trusted Peter as their secret keeper. None of us had any reason to doubt his sincerity, he’s always worshipped James. Don’t blame yourself for thinking the same of him that everyone else did.” He told me, laying a hesitant hand on my shoulder and squeezing it comfortingly. I waved a hand in dismissal, still feeling sick with guilt and unable to accept the idea that any of this wasn’t my fault. Whilst it was true I hadn’t known what Peter would do, I should have done. I should have known he would rat us out… No pun intended.
Remus sighed, leaving me with Harry and my thoughts as he went to retrieve sheets and a bed for Harry.
-
It had to be sometime in the afternoon when I woke up, going by how strong the sunlight was streaming into the dilapidated cottage Remus called his home. I shot upright, worried instantly about having not fed Harry and having not been paying attention to his wellbeing when I spotted Remus sat cross legged by the fireplace. The fire was burning incredibly low, and Remus was sat with his back to me.
“Remus…?” I queried shakily, my heart pounding hard in my chest. My night had been full of terrifying dreams about James and Lily’s demise, my subconscious constructing several different distressing scenarios of them being tortured, them terrified, Harry crying for them as Voldemort brutally murdered them…
“You always did sleep like the dead.” Remus disclosed as he turned his head to regard me over his shoulder. I heard a soft babbling and exhaled in relief as I approached Remus, easily spotting Harry sat in his lap. Remus had a book open in front of the two of them, leading Sirius to believe he had been reading to the baby in his grasp. I wrinkled my nose at his choice of words but sat beside him, smiling very weakly when Harry reached out a chubby hand. “Sorry, that was a poor choice of words, all things considered.” The brown haired man allowed, passing me the ruddy cheeked boy.
“He’s a bit pink… Has he been crying?” I asked, raising a thumb to rub a damp cheek that felt a little too warm.
“Yeah… He cried himself hoarse when I tried to feed him and he realised I wasn’t Lily.” Remus drawled quietly, frowning but standing and stretching. “You’re a better man than I am, for taking him on.”
“No, I’m not. I just… I owe it to James, I owe it to Lily and I owe it to Harry. His parents are gone because of me and he needs someone to look after me. It was either me or Lily’s family, and I’d rather die than leave him unprotected in a household of muggles.” I blew off. I wasn’t some mighty hero for taking Harry in. I was his godfather. “James and Lily named me Harry’s godfather because for some inane reason they wanted me to be his guardian if ever something happened to them. I’ve got to honour their last wish and keep their son happy.” I grieved, holding Harry close to my chest and kissing the top of his head, smiling sadly when he curled his chubby fist around my hair and tugged it gently. Harry liked hair.
“Right… You hungry…? I’ve already fed Harry, but I don’t imagine you’ve eaten since sometime yesterday.” He hummed, leaning down to ruffle Harry’s hair gently.
“Starving… Do you have anything in?”
“I didn’t, but a member of the Order came by earlier. Said Dumbledore had sent them to ward the house, so whilst he was here I nipped out to get some food, nappies and baby formula. I owled Molly and Arthur Weasley earlier asking them about where best to get baby stuff and what Harry should be eating at this age. I don’t know much about babies and thought I should find some stuff out so I can help whilst you two are under my roof. They haven’t gotten back to me yet, but they’ve got quite a few kids themselves so they’re probably busy.” He explained, shrugging and blowing his messy fringe out of his face. His hair was a little longer than usual for him, with his fringe not sweeping into his eyes but hair still not touching the base of his neck.
“Alright… Don’t go out and buy stuff again, you know I’ve got money Remus, I can pay mine and Harry’s way here. I don’t want you to think we’re here to leech money out of you, because we’re not.” I insisted firmly, worried about Remus wasting what little money he had. I stood up with Harry, holding him firmly in my arms as I walked to the kitchen with Remus.
“I’ll spend my money however I wish, Sirius.” Remus huffed, looking a little insulted by my concern for him. I rolled my eyes, waving my wand and transfiguring one of the chairs into a temporary high chair before sitting Harry in it.
“Can you make me something please…? I’m going to go see what can be done as more permanent living arrangements for myself and Harry whilst we’re here. Do you have a spare room?” I asked, tucking my wand back into my back pocket.
“Yeah, second door on the left of the landing.” The brown haired man half-muttered, his back to me as he began rummaging in the cupboards.
“I’m going to see what space you’ve got up there, then maybe go find a cheap bed and crib in Diagon Alley. Do you mind watching Harry? I won’t be long.” I proposed, sitting on the edge of the table and almost falling over when the entire thing tilted, sending an empty glass crashing into the floor with a tinkling smash.
Remus sighed, turning to face me and nodding. “Yes, that’s fine, just go before you break anything else.” He huffed, pointing his wand at the broken glass. “Repairo.” He grumbled, watching the glass knit itself back together before picking it up and putting it away in a cupboard.
“Remus-” I began, blinking when Remus cut across me.
“Things are just a bit much right now, Sirius. I’m sorry, I’m stressed.” He apologised sincerely, raising forlorn eyes to stare into mine. I couldn’t doubt his honesty. I left the room after nodding my understanding, moving to look at the room Harry and I would be staying in for the foreseeable future.

Author's Note: I quite enjoyed writing this chapter, and it's a nice introduction to the tension I feel there would be between Remus and Sirius after the war, as it is canon that they weren't getting along when Lily and James died. As I said before, I will not be rushing into this ship. They've just faced the end of the war and the death of their best friends, things aren't going to be easy for either of them.
Shout out to Talented_Mrs_Lupin for her encouragement, I hope you like the way I've written Lupin :)
Thank you to everyone who has read this, please feel free to rate and review ^_^
The-Shiny-Slowpoke
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