Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

To have loved, and lost (was Missed Chances)	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 10669 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Remebrance
- 2-2.
- 3-3.
- 4-4.
- 5-5.
- 6-6.
- 7-7.
- 8-8.
- 9-9.
- 10-10.
- 11-11.
- 12-12.
- 13-13.
- 14-14.
- 15-15.
- 16-16.
- 17-17.
- 18-18.
- 19-19.
- 20-20.
- 21-21.
- 22-22.
- 23-23.
- 1
- 2
- 3
He was halfway through the bottle now, and it was clear that it would not be enough for blissful oblivion. His head was spinning though, and he was too drunk to even move from the chair, let alone find another bottle. He just seemed to be unable to stop thinking, to stop going over the past few years, viewing his sins in vivid detail.
With a sigh he stopped fighting and let the memories come once more.
2 years, 10 months earlier (2 years and 6 months after the Battle of Hogwarts)
Severus had agreed to her suggestion of an after-work drink that Friday night, despite having been asked to pop in to see Lucius later in the evening. Not that it was necessarily after work for him, as the owner of a successful potions business he made his own hours. Hermione, however, worked in the Ministry, in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Her reputation for hard work and thorough research, as well as being a ridiculously soft touch when it came to others who came to her for help, had led her to being a general workhorse for anyone who came to her with a good enough story for why they couldn't do their own job.
She claimed she let them get away with it because she was looking to rise up through the ranks enough to make a difference, but Severus knew that wasn't how it worked in the Ministry. It was who you knew, not how hard you worked. Yet he let her moan time after time without giving her any real advice. He found it amusing to watch her get riled up at the ineptitude of her co-workers. She was even more stunning when riled up, her cheeks flushed and eyes blazing. He could barely take his eyes off her in such moments.
His reason for maintaining his friendship with her was actually twofold. On one hand, despite his hero status, there were still those who distrusted him, and by regularly meeting with the darling of the wizarding world in public (never privately – he didn't trust himself enough) was good for his reputation and therefore his business.
The second reason – he wanted her, blushing little virgin that she still was at the age of 20, and yet at the same time he didn't. She wasn't the type of girl you took to bed a few times then discarded. She would expect something far more from him; commitment, and that he wasn't willing to give, not to her or anyone. He was far too selfish and self-serving to be in a relationship. He wasn't interested in indulging the romantic wishes of a needy companion, but he was more than happy to take advantage of some of the attractive women that threw themselves at him, and why shouldn't he? He'd spent the last twenty years barely tolerated and close to universally hated or feared, while working tirelessly to save everyone's arses. Twenty years was a long time.
Of course the rumours were not true – that he'd stayed celibate as a way to honour the woman he loved – but it did mean that there were plenty of women who wanted to be that 'special one' who would teach him to love again. That would never happen, his heart was as faithful to Lily as it had been the day she died, and no desperate tart was going to change that. That didn't mean he wasn't going to take advantage of his status as a hero, although he'd always been careful to only bed women who would, for whatever reason, keep their trysts quiet. However, on occasion, he wasn't above using either obliviation or some other spell on some particularly stunning specimen of the female persuasion.
Either way, he wasn't going to complain. Whether he was limited to married women and those with something to hide or not, it was still better pickings than he had become used to during his time as a spy. Female Death Eaters were not a particularly attractive bunch – he couldn't even think about the time that the Carrow bitch had tried to come on to him without wanting to vomit – and the wives of the male Death Eaters were generally not much better. They had been married for their 'pure' blood and family connections rather than their beauty, the most notable exception being Narcissa – and Bellatrix too, he supposed, before Azkaban and insanity stole her youth and good looks from her. Not that he'd ever thought twice about sleeping with her. He much preferred to keep his balls intact, thank you very much.
Narcissa, on the other hand, had been an excellent fuck, and he'd even made the effort to please her as well as himself in the hope she'd come back for more. Of course she'd stopped once she realised she wasn't going to get any useful information out of him to help her husband's schemes, but it had been good while it lasted, and had never affected the friendship between himself and the Malfoy patriarch. All was fair in love and war. It wasn't like he hadn't done the same thing himself. Half the time he'd only slept with any of them for information, and rest of the time mainly to piss off their husbands. He'd also accepted that they were also only sleeping with him for the same reasons, but he'd never been on to look a gift horse in the mouth.
That was one of the reasons he seemed to be unable to put Hermione out of mind and out of his life. For some strange reason, she actually seemed to find him utterly irresistible, and it wasn't for his social status, as she was even more highly regarded than he. But despite the fact he'd like nothing more than to fulfil the dirty fantasies he'd been sneakily spying on in her mind since her 5th year at Hogwarts, he was far too mindful of his status to let it happen. Knowing the way the press still hounded all three members of the 'golden trio' – he couldn't even think the name without a sneer – any dalliance he had with the girl would no doubt be in the papers the next morning. She was watched quite carefully for any hint of a relationship since both Potter and his sidekick were engaged. Severus may have been a hero for his part in the second wizarding war, but he had no doubt public opinion would turn against him if he seduced her and then ran.
Besides, she was one of the very few people he could actually tolerate. Lucius was a good friend, and by no means stupid, but he was no intellectual, despite having a library Severus would kill for. Hermione, on the other hand, was a good conversationalist, enjoyed a lively debate, and was well on her way to being as widely read as he was. At Hogwarts it had only been her position in Gryffindor and at the side of Potter that had kept him from treating her like the outstanding student she was, She was the pupil he'd always wished for, and had they lived in a world that had never heard of Voldemort, he would have done his best to take her under his wing, and she may now have been pursuing a very distinguished career in potions rather than wasting her time at the Ministry.
He'd made it very clear, many times what he thought of her job, but she always often seemed to arrange to meet him when she had something particular to moan about, as if she thought she needed an excuse to do so. Severus would have been happy to turn up for any reason, or none at all, as he liked to keep an eye on her and make sure her head wasn't being turned by some young man. Besides, he would always go home with some new wank fodder for the nights he slept alone, and the meeting was worth that if nothing else.
She had a habit of chewing on her bottom lip, especially when she was listening to him speak. It drove him crazy, watching those plump lips swell, and sometimes he could barely keep track of what he was saying for wondering what they would feel like around his cock. She always won more discussions than she ought because of the distraction those lips caused. And then he would take great pleasure in dipping into her mind to see what new fantasies his touch had invoked.
Occasionally he would be disappointed with some mushy romantic scene, but he noticed that the more he touched her, the more likely she would be imagining the two of them in some compromising situation. She had quite the imagination, and although it was clear that she had read up on the subject, she was obviously still untouched, as he'd seen some things that were practically impossible. She'd frigged herself raw, he knew, over one particular book with moving illustrations while thinking of him. He'd been very grateful for the table between them when he'd seen that and he'd had to excuse himself early that evening.
Her imaginings often came to mind as he was ploughing his latest conquest, and he would imagine her young, supple form beneath his. More than once he'd only just caught himself from moaning her name as he spewed his seed into whatever willing witch he'd snared that evening. Only when he was alone would he allow himself to come with her name on his lips. It was a wonder, what with the girl's fertile imagination, that he hadn't just given in and had her already. It was also amazing that he managed to win any arguments at all.
Of course, if he had his wits about him, it wouldn't take much to create a similar distraction for her. He would always make sure to brush against her occasionally, or touch her hand mid-sentence and enjoy the way she would bite down on her lip even harder even as her eyes went dark with desire. He would make her blush occasionally by obviously checking out her lovely round arse or letting his eyes drop to her décolletage. He would always act the gentleman, offering her his arm, lending her his coat if it was cold out, as well as any number of small things that could be taken as an expression of interest, or even a very slow courtship.
He had no issue with leading her on, even though he had no intention of pursuing her. It was perverse, he knew, and he was an utter bastard for doing it, but he didn't really care. He liked to know that such a woman – endowed with both brains and beauty - was saving herself for him when she could have her pick of many younger and more handsome wizards than him. Perhaps she believed that because he was older, and clearly a traditionalist considering who his friends were and his part actions, that he wouldn't want her if she wasn't a virgin. Times were changing, but the wizarding world was still a lot more conservative than the muggle one. In any case, it was a novel experience, being wanted in such a way, and he would do what he could to keep her interested as long as he could.
He was replying the latest scene from her mind even as he disapperated to Malfoy Manor. He'd seen Hermione back to the flat she'd found as soon as she could afford to move out of Grimmauld Place and away from the sickening public displays of affection from her idiot friends and their respective girlfriends. He usually walked her back, but this evening she'd been slightly tipsy so she'd clung tightly to his arm all the way back. He'd been able to feel her fingers gently stroking the fabric of his sleeve, although, from a look at her expression, he wasn't sure she was even aware she was doing it.
As he'd bent down to kiss her hand in goodbye, he'd looked up into her eyes for a brief moment and automatically slipped into her mind, viewing her surface thoughts the way he found so easy after so many years of performing Legilimency. He'd caught a glimpse of a fantasy where he took her in his arms and kissed her, pushing her into the house and pressing her up against the door he'd closed behind him before taking her with abandon. Even as he strolled through the overly ornate gardens in the bright moonlight towards the front door, was thinking about the way her long legs had wrapped around his waist, and he'd reached down to position his cock at her entrance and…
"Ah, Severus!"
He scowled as Lucius appeared from out of the darkness behind the end of a hedge and spotted him interrupting his lewd imaginings with a muted greeting. Severus grumbled under his breath, sending clouds of vapour around his face in the cold air, before striding forward to greet his friend.
"What's the matter? You look as if someone's stolen your favourite cauldron," Lucius said as he came closer. He peered as Severus' face. "I remember now, you were meeting the delectable Miss Granger this evening. I recognise that expression, it's not all that different than the one you used to sport back when you were pining over that mud… muggle girl…"
"Don't, Lucius," he growled.
His friend knew when to move on. "Anyway, isn't it about time you took that girl to bed and got her out of your system?"
Severus just looked at him levelly. Lucius was more that aware of Severus' struggle concerning Hermione, as well as his reasons for not seducing her. His friend agreed with him that it would be a stupid move, although it was not just because he still held a lot of his old prejudices, but he found Severus' dilemma a source of constant amusement.
"Did you have something to speak to me about, or did you invite me here just to keep me out in the cold?
Lucius smirked. "Ah, yes," he drawled, lifting his cane and examining the end nonchalantly. "I have had some news from… friends… in the Ministry.
"What you and your lackeys discuss is unlikely to be of any consequence to me, unless it will affect my business."
"Oh, but it will concern you… not your business, but you personally, before too long, as well as a large part of the wizarding population."
"Go on…" he growled.
Lucius turned, using his cane to gesture towards the house. "Shall we go in? I think a strong drink may be in order.
The two men set off towards the house. "This had better be important, Lucius," Severus growled. He could have been at home having a good wank.
It's actually the reason I've been taking an evening 'stroll'. I spoke to Narcissa and Draco about it at dinner, and neither are particularly happy."
"You mean Narcissa is fuming, and you've escaped to the garden to hide," he sneered.
Lucius shrugged slightly. "She'll calm down soon enough, and most likely be up half the night planning. I thought it best to waylay you out here so we could sneak into my study quietly.
Severus grimaced. He had always been of the opinion that no news was good news, and if whatever Lucius had to say affected not only him, but turned Narcissa, a woman who had played host to a raving lunatic for a year, into a fury, then it must be bad indeed.
A short while later he was standing in front of the fireplace in Lucius' comfortable study, fighting his growing concern and thoughts of her. Silence had reigned for a few minutes, Lucius sipping his drink quietly in his chair while Severus tried to process all he'd just learned.
"What do you mean by appropriate age?" he said eventually. "Surely I'm too old to be…"
"It will affect all unmarried witches and wizards between the ages of twenty and fifty-five, unless a witch can prove that she is beyond her childbearing years."
"And is there no similar get out clause for those wizards who are unable to… procreate?" There was at least one potion he could think of that would do the trick.
"No, they are well aware there are ways to fake results, and the Ministry is extremely worried. The birth rate has dropped rapidly, although the percentage of squibs has risen. So many lives were lost, on both sides of the war. So many pureblood families were all but destroyed, and the half-bloods or lesser tend to not marry as young, so the number of marriages has fallen to almost as low as any time on record. Even couples who are already married and have had children will be expected to try for more, if they are of the right age."
"So that's what has Narcissa riled up."
"No, Narcissa would love to have another child, but it has always been usual for the Malfoy line to produce only one heir, so we do not expect anything to come of it."
"Then what…?"
"The Ministry has decided, as a way to encourage integration and stop another war – over blood purity, at least – that no one can marry someone with the same blood status. You, as a half-blood, will need to find a m… muggle-born, or a pureblood, whereas Draco…"
"…will have to find a muggle-born or half-blood. No wonder Narcissa is angry, neither of your families has had a drop of muggle blood enter it in a couple of centuries at least." He looked at his friend, who seemed fairly unconcerned. "I must say, you seem to be taking it better than I expected. What will Draco do now? I though he was well on his way towards an engagement with the Greengrass girl."
"Oh, that's still not quite the reason Narcissa is wound up," Lucius smirked. "Since the new law, in particular the mixing of those with differing blood status, affects those who are not already married. Therefore Draco has already gone to speak to Astoria this evening, and we are sure she will agree to an extremely short engagement rather than miss out on marrying a Malfoy. Of course, Narcissa is panicking over the fact that she will have less than two months to arrange their wedding."
Severus rolled his eyes. "I can imagine."
"And what of you, my friend. If you like, I know of a few women of good breeding who would be more than happy to vie for your hand, as a half-blood with your social status and wealth. Although you may have to spend some of it on buying a house somewhat nicer than that muggle hole you still live in." He took another sip of his whisky before continuing. "What on earth is stopping you from getting rid of that place anyway. You should be able to afford something quite decent by now."
Severus grimaced. As good a friend as Lucius was, he still hadn't grasped the fact that Severus really cared nothing at all for blood status, and certainly nothing at all for a pureblood wife who would expect far more from him, in both money and behaviour, than he was willing to give. In fact, there had only been one woman on his mind since the first moment Lucius had explained what was coming, although he was still not convinced there wouldn't be some way to get out of the whole mess. He was happy with his life the way it was, and he didn't need a wife to get in his way.
Yet the thought of her, of having her for his own, to take to his bed, was quite appealing. If he had to marry someone, it would be none other but her, the woman he'd denied himself for so long. All of his objections to having her faded in the light of the information Lucius had given him. She'd be far easier to manipulate than an older woman, experienced not only in the bedroom but also brought up to scheme and use her wiles to get her own way, as the women from the pureblood families all were. But he would have to be quick to act. It would be foolish of him to wait until the law came out to pursue her. He didn't want her to think that he was only doing so because of it. She was wilful, and proud enough to refuse him despite her infatuation with him if she believed him to be less than sincere. He needed to think, to plan his next step.
"I must go, Lucius," he replied, ignoring what his friend had asked. "I have things to arrange." He threw back the rest of his drink and set the glass down on the mantelpiece.
Lucius stood, surprise at Severus' sudden departure evident on his face. "But what of your wife-to-be? Do you want me to arrange a few meetings so you can take your pick?"
"That will not be necessary. I have already made my choice."
"But...? Already? Who have… wait, Severus! Please tell me you don't mean the Granger girl?"
He followed Severus out of the room as he made his way to the front door. Severus' lack of response only confirmed his suspicions.
"You can't be serious! She's no good for anything more than a quick tumble. You need a woman of good breeding who'll bring you a good dowry and a place among the pureblood families."
He earned nothing more than a glare as Severus took his cloak from the waiting house elf and swung it round his shoulders.
"You have time before the law is introduced. Bed the girl and get her out of your head. In the meantime I'll draw up a list of suitable brides. Perhaps I can arrange for you to meet them all at Draco's wedding, that way you can compare and choose the one you like best."
"If that is an invitation to your son's wedding, then I will be honoured to accept. But for the rest, I have no interest in your pureblood bitches, so you may save yourself the trouble." He turned to leave.
"Don't be foolish Severus. Why have a mule when you can have a thoroughbred mare? You won't think twice about her once you've got another witch warming your bed. The girl will be looking for her own husband soon enough and she'll forget about you just as quickly."
It was the wrong thing to say. It only made him more determined.
- 1
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

To have loved, and lost (was Missed Chances)