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Both Sides	By : ccino49 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 10429 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
I do not own any of the characters or places from the Harry Potter books or films. They all belong to J.K. Rowling. All that is mine is Lou and the plot. I am not making any money from the writing of this story.

Both Sides.

CH 20 Hardest to bear.

�Huh, you think so. You don�t know the half of it Harry.� She told him. �Will you tell me about my dad? Was he nice? Do I look like him? I don�t know anything apart from he was in prison for something he didn�t do. All my life I thought he was a criminal, Severus told me he wasn�t, that it was someone else who did �well whatever it was they did.�

�Severus?�
�Professor Snape. Please don�t tell him I said Severus to you, I�m not supposed to use his name unless we�re on our own.�

�It�s okay, I was the same with Remus when he was teaching at the school. Yeah, you do look a bit like Sirius. Your hair is like his, and your eyes.�
Lou grinned and he said. �The grin too, it�s exactly the same. I bet you have his temper too don�t you?�

�Mr Lupin said I have. He said my dad had a short fuse, but that mine�s worse. There�s no pictures of him here though. I don�t know what my mum looked like either. Do you have pictures of your mum and dad?�

�Yeah lots, thanks to Hagrid. He collected them from all over and put them in an album for me.�

�You�re lucky, I wish I had one. Just one.�
�Maybe Dumbledore can get one for you, he helped Hagrid get mine.� Harry had quite a few photos with Sirius in, but he didn�t want to share them. He wondered if he could get them copied.
�How �how did he die?�
Harry paled, he really didn�t want to talk about this. When he looked at Lou, he thought she looked lost. He knew what it felt like when you didn�t know anything about your parents. He knew how she was feeling right now because he�d felt exactly the same.
�It was at the Ministry, we were in the department of mysteries, fighting Deatheaters. One of them, Bellatrix Lestrange, she caught him with a hex that sent him through something called a veil. I thought he�d come back out, that he�d be okay, but he didn�t. They said once you go in that thing, you never come out again. It �it was my fault he was there, did they tell you that?�

�N �no. Why, what did you do?�

Harry told her the details of that night, how they�d come to be there, believing that Voldemort had Sirius prisoner. �It was all a lie, if I�d listened and gone to Dumbledore, none of this would have happened. So you can blame me as much as you like, it won�t be any more than I blame myself.�

�Is that really what you think, it was your fault?�
He nodded and Lou studied him for a moment.

�How old were you?�

�Fifteen. Why?�

�I�m fifteen, and I think I would have probably done just what you did in the same situation. I�d like to think I would have loved my dad enough to want to save him from Voldemort too. I know it doesn�t mean anything to you Harry, and you probably don�t give a fig what I think, I know you and your friends don�t like me, but I don�t blame you.�
He stared at her, not knowing quite what to say. The fact that she didn�t blame him for Sirius� death meant more than he thought it would. �You mean it, you don�t blame me?�

�I mean it. Stercus accidit.� She told him.
�Eh. What does that mean?�

�Shit happens.� She whispered.
�Bloody Hell.� He laughed. �Where did you learn that? Is it Latin?�

�Yeah. Shall we let them know we�re still alive?� She suggested, not answering his question fully. �Professor Snape thinks I�m gonna punch you.�

�He probably wishes you would.�

�Nah, he told me I wasn�t allowed to.�

�You and him seen to be pretty close. Just how close are you?�

�He�s been good to me. He�s kept me safe and looked after me when I had no one. Harry, I�m sorry about this inheritance thing, I didn�t want it you know. Well, some of it yeah, I�ve never had anything of my own before. But I didn�t want to take it from you, it didn�t seem right. It wasn�t my idea.�

�I know that, Dumbledore told me. It�s not as if I need it, I�ve got plenty of money left me from my parents, and I hate this house, you�re welcome to it.�

�Honest? Thanks. I like the house, well most of it anyway. My rooms a bit creepy though and I don�t like the heads on the stairs, do you think anyone will mind if I take em down?�
�I doubt it, no one likes them, besides, it�s your house, and you can do what you like with it. It�s a pity you can�t get rid of the old bat in the hall.� He chuckled, then turned red. �She�s your gran isn�t she? Sorry.�

�It�s alright and yes, she is. She was horrible when we first met, but I poked her with my walking stick and we talk okay now.�

�You did what? I can�t believe you did that.� He laughed hysterically. �She actualy talks to you?� He asked as they headed into the kitchen. He noticed her limp was decidedly more noticeable than earlier. �Does your leg hurt?�
�Yeah, but I�ve got some stuff for it and it�s time for my potion, it�ll feel better when I�ve had that.�

�Hiya.� She chirped when she saw Severus pacing up and down the kitchen. She went straight to him. �I didn�t hit him, promise.�
�Pity.� He said sarcastically. �Your leg hurts is hurting, I have the potion in my pocket.� He told her, passing the phial.
She thanked him and downed the contents, then she told him what Harry told her about having her dad�s eyes and smile.
�Did he tell you what you wished to hear?�

�I wouldn�t say I wished to hear it, but he told me what happened, yeah. He blames himself you know, I told him he shouldn�t.�

�That is a noble thing to do Lou.�

�Not really, just the truth. I think I might have done what he did in the same situation. The truth is, unless you�ve done it, you can�t say can you? He�s got loads of photo�s of his mum and dad. He said the Headmaster might be able to get one of my dad. What do you think?�
�You mean Potter did not offer you one? He has several of Blacks photo�s in his possession I believe.�
�Oh, no he didn�t. I �err �he probably didn�t think. He�ll most likely remember later and show me one. Won�t he?�
Lou was confused and disappointed. �Why hadn�t he told her he had a photo? It wouldn�t have hurt him to let her just look. She�d thought they were getting on okay. Maybe she was wrong and he still didn�t like her. And why should he? He had no reason to and every reason not to. He did her the favour, telling her about her dad, not the other way around. He�d been pushed into telling her by the Headmaster, he hadn�t wanted to do it.�
�It is possible, or you could ask him.�
�No.� She cried, then calmed her voice. �I mean no, no it�s alright. I can ask the Headmaster first.�
Harry had shown his face in the kitchen long enough to let everyone see that he was still in existence and draw Ron�s attention, then the pair went upstairs to meet with Hermione and Ginny.
When Lou noticed them leaving she said nothing, just watched them go. She knew they were going off to talk about what happened. �I don�t care, I have Severus as a friend, almost, sort of. Well, an acquaintance anyway, that�s nearly a friend.� She thought. �That would stop when she started school though, they couldn�t be anything but teacher and student then.�

She chanced a peek at him and was disconcerted to find him looking at her. His lips were pursed, and he seemed deep in thought as he ran a finger along his bottom lip.
When Lou�s eyes suddenly met his, he averted his own. He�d not liked leaving her alone with Potter. Not liked it at all. The trouble was, he didn�t know why he didn�t like it. He only knew he didn�t. He was relieved when they returned to the kitchen, had the opportunity arisen, he would have performed Legillimen�s to find out what happened in there. Lou came back with a smile on her face and Severus was not expecting that. He�d expected tears or temper tantrums, not happy smiling faces. Not that Potters lasted long, he soon disappeared with Weasley. When Lou mentioned photos, he�d not been able to stop himself from telling her that Potter already had photos of Black, now he wished he�d said nothing. She�d looked so hurt at his revelation and he felt a total bastard for doing that to her. Being a bastard didn�t bother him as a rule, but he didn�t want to appear one in front of Lou.

�Sod it all.� He thought. �Why the hell should I care what she thinks about me?� Although he would not admit it, he cared very much what Lou thought of him.
Over the next few days, Lou spent her mornings with Severus in the classroom. The afternoons she spent lurking and watching Harry and the others as they ran amok round the house, messing about and generally having fun. They never asked her to join them, and if she walked into a room where they were, they went quiet and sat in an uncomfortable silence until she left. A couple of times she tried to speak to them, and Hermione would talk back to her, but it wasn�t often.
Lou was also having trouble sleeping on a night. There were just so many mirrors, she was convinced they were whispering when she was in bed.
She pleaded and nagged constantly for Severus to swap rooms with her, and he eventually conceded.
�This is ridiculous. You should be in the master suite, not I.�

�I know but, I hate them. It�s really scary Severus, please. Lou was elated when all their things were moved. The smaller rooms felt much better, more homely and comfortable.
Severus had to admit, the master suite was much nicer than his own, more like his own rooms at Prince Manor. He would have to pay a visit there over the holidays, make certain the elves were not slacking in their upkeep of the place. Not that they ever did, everything was always immaculate whenever he paid a surprise visit.
When Remus returned to Headquarters, Severus told him he had a new potion for him to try, to counter the after effects of his lycanthropy.
Lou had just finished her lessons for the day and was feeling very pleased with herself. She�d learned the accio spell and could use her wand to make things come to her instead of having to go and fetch them all the time.

When Severus told her classes were over for the day, and that he was going for a shower before lunch, Lou decided to have another try with Harry and the others. She thought maybe if they knew she could do magic now, they might be more inclined to let her hang about with them.
As she reached the second floor corridor, she heard raised voices. Curious she moved to the door the voices were coming from and stopped.
�I�m telling you Harry it�s not right. She could be anyone. If Sirius had a daughter, don�t you think he would�ve known? I don�t trust her, she�s probably just some gold digger who�s after his money. Maybe Malfoy�s missus put her up to it, who knows?�
�I dunno Ron, she seemed genuine when I spoke with her. Do you really think she�s an impostor?�

�Ron could be right you know Harry. What proof were we shown that she is who they say she is, and don�t you think it�s a bit strange her showing up now, when your due to inherit everything. Everyone�s being very secretive about her.�

�Yeah, and look at her and Snape. They�re as thick as thieves. I reckon he�s giving her one you know.�
�Ron Weasley that a terrible thing to say.�

�I don�t see why Hermione. You didn�t see them when me and Harry walked in on them the other day, she was sprawled all over him, wasn�t she Harry? And she�s always lurking in doorways, watching us and listening. It�s creepy.�
Lou didn�t hear the reply. A hand fell on her shoulder and she jumped a mile.
Remus was on his way to Severus� rooms to collect the new potion. He reached the second floor and noticed Lou standing outside Harry and Ron�s room. Her face was pale and he could see the tears glistening on her cheeks. Not wanting to startle her, he made his way along the corridor to see what was wrong. When he heard what they were saying inside the room, he knew the reason for her tears and the pallor of her cheeks.
�Lou, go to your room please, do not dwell on what you have heard, I will deal with them.�
She was gutted. Why would anyone pretend to be her, why? And they thought that her and Severus were �were �and they said she was creepy too.�
As soon as Remus finished speaking, she turned and took the stairs as quickly as her leg would allow, ran down the corridor, and into her room, slamming the door behind her.

She leaned against it, her eyes closed as she tried to regain her breath and figure out why they would say such horrible things about her.
�What do you think you are doing?� Roared a voice.
Lou opened her eyes, startled to see Severus in her room without his shirt. He was dressed only in his trousers and was holding a towel to his wet hair. His face was livid.
But these weren�t her rooms any more. She�d come to the wrong door in her panic to get away.
�Oh, I�m sorry, I forgot I �� Lou was about to turn when she caught something out the corner of her eye and turned back to him. His back and chest were a mass of old and healing scars.

She gasped, and he realised what she was looking at and grabbed his shirt.

�Oh Severus.�
�GET OUT.� He yelled at the top of his voice.

He loathed sympathy at the best of times, but he would not accept pity from Lou. Not her of all people.
�But ��

�I said get out. These are no longer your rooms, you are the one who wanted to change remember. Do not enter again without my permission. Now go.�
His voice was low and dangerous and Lou felt unable to move. She wanted to tell him it was an accident coming in here, she wanted to tell him it didn�t matter about the scars, that she didn�t mind how marked he was. She wanted to tell him she understood how he felt. But he was looking at her now as though she were the most loathsome creature he�d ever set eyes on.

When he took a step towards her, she final found the ability to move and pulled the door open before fleeing to her own room.
Remus was in a foul mood. He�d walked into Harry and Ron�s room and given them all a piece of his mind. He let them know in no uncertain terms what he thought about their opinions. Before he left the room, he also informed them that Lou had heard every word they said about her and was devastated.
�Do you know how hard Professor Snape has worked with her, trying to teach her that she is worth more than something stuck to the bottom of someone�s shoe? How hard it was to give her just a small measure of self worth? She did not ask for any of this, all she wanted was to get away and go live back on the streets. All her life was spent being pushed from pillar to post, believing her mother dumped her as a baby because she the daughter of a criminal.
You think you�ve had a difficult childhood Harry, well compared to hers, it was a breeze.
You Ron, what you said about her and the Professor, I have never been so ashamed to know a member of the Weasley family as I am to know you at this moment.
And you Hermione. I truly thought better of you. You struggled to make friends when you came to Hogwarts, you told me that yourself. Everyone says you are the brightest witch of you age, it would seem everyone was wrong.
I am ashamed to know you, all of you.�
He turned and left the room, forgetting all about the potion from Severus.
Which was just as well, since Severus was now in such a stinking temper he would have Avada�d the first person to knock on his door, without even opening it to see who was there.
In total, only one person was still in a reasonably good mood and remained unscathed, and that was Ginny. Ginny had stayed in her room to write a letter to her latest boyfriend. She and Harry had given it a go but it hadn�t worked out and they�d moved on, remaining friends.
The next morning in class, Lou tried to speak to Severus about what happened the previous day, but he shut her up with a look and continued with the lesson. She tried again the next day but he still wouldn�t listen to her. Wednesday afternoon, she stood in the kitchen near the open back door, listening to Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny frolicking in the garden, laughing and shouting to each other. It was a lovely warm sunny day, too nice to be stuck indoors.
Out of class, Severus avoided her and she spent most of her time on her own.
�You should be out there getting some fresh air as well.�
She spun at the sound of a voice to see Remus watching her sadly.
�I �I�m fine, honest. I don�t want to go out.� She told him.
�Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that Lou?�
�What? I don�t need to, I have something I have to do. Excuse me.� She said, trying to brush past him.
Remus sidestepped and wouldn�t let her by. �No Lou. I have been watching you these last few days. I know what they said hurt you, I have had strong words with them about it believe me. Can you not give them another chance?�

�Let me go, I�ve tried to talk to them but they don�t want to know.� She tried to pass him again but he took her by the arm and held her there.
�What do you mean they don�t want to know? Tell me Louhi.�
�I already did, they�re not interested. If I go into a room where they are, they stop talking or leave. I don�t need them Mr Lupin, I don�t need anybody.�

�Have you spoken to Severus about this?�

�No.�
�Why not?�
�He wont lis �he�s busy at the moment; I don�t want to bother him. Please let me go Mr Lupin, I�m fine.�
Lou wasn�t fine, she could cope with the small group not speaking to her, but Severus wanted nothing to do with her and that was hardest to bear.
�You could still do with some fresh air, why don�t you go outside?�

�I can�t, the cuff won�t let me.� She snapped, yanking her arm from his and leaving the room.

She climbed the stairs to the third floor, wishing once again that she�d never moved into that house in Spinners End. Lou reached the third floor and walked into something solid, almost toppling back down the stairs again.

Severus managed to grab her arms before she fell, and pulled her upright. �Why don�t you look where you are going?� He grouched at her.
�I�m sorry.� She said quietly.
He let her go and watched her slink down the corridor to her rooms, her head hung, arms at her side.
Putting her from his mind, he headed downstairs to find Lupin.
�What the hell is wrong with that girl?� He asked the ex DADA Professor.
�You mean she didn�t tell you?�

�Tell me what? I have been rather busy recently Lupin, I cannot spend all my time listening to the petty problems of teenage girls.�

�It�s a little more than that Severus.�

Remus told him what happened when he found her in the second floor corridor.
�They said what? So why did she not come to me? When did this happen?�
�I was on my way up for the potion you mentioned, that was when I found her sobbing outside their door. I assumed she came to see you when she headed up the stairs, that�s why I didn�t bother to come for the potion.�
�Well she did not come to me. I was in my room and would have heard if she knocked. I was waiti �� Damn.� He said, standing and running up the stairs.

TBC

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