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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24159 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
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Lost and Damned

You�re Coming Up With Reasons

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It had been too long since he had the hard body of a man beneath him�His skin was so tan and so smooth, slightly muscular from many afternoons spent practicing Quidditch and many years of escaping trouble. His dark hair, while unruly, was soft to the touch and he couldn�t get enough of running his fingers through it, gripping firmly on the short black locks as he held the boy in a bruising kiss.
�Severus, please��
Severus chuckled. �When will you ever learn patience?�
He leaned back, looking into those green eyes, so clouded by desire and need�He watched that pink tongue slip out, eagerly running across his thoroughly kissed lips. �Fuck me.�
�I should give you a detention for your impertinence.�
�You should fuck me in detention, too,� the boy muttered, his strong arms wrapping around Severus, trying to pull him closer. Severus chuckled, grabbing his arms and holding him firmly into the mattress.
�You should be careful what you wish for, Potter,� Severus murmured, trailing his lips down the boy�s neck, smirking as the boy moved against him, moaning quietly. �I am a very demanding lover.�
�Take me any way you want, I don�t care, just do something!� the boy demanded desperately, bucking his hip up against Severus.
�I don�t know if you failed to notice, Potter, but I am,� Severus growled, biting down gently on his skin. Harry moaned again.

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CRASH!
BANG!
Severus sat up in bed, breathing heavily as he listened to voices arguing outside his bedroom door. Oddly enough, Severus was (for a moment) less worried about intruders and whatever had been knocked over and more worried about his disappointment and irritation over having his dream interrupted. �Son of a,� Snape grumbled, throwing off his covers and pulling himself out of bed, shuffling through the darkness and grabbing his door knob, flinging it open and glaring deeply at the two house elves who stood next to a fallen bookshelf.
�Effy, you is a bad house elf! Pro--Professor Snape!� exclaimed one house elf, Bibby.
Effy squeaked, tears rolling down her face. �Effy is sorry, Professor Snape! Effy is a bad house elf!�
�Get. Out.�
Not waiting for further instruction, the two house elves disappeared, still muttering apologies and arguments under their breath. Severus sighed heavily and summoned his wand before righting the shelf and putting the books back into their place with a few flicks of the wrist. He could worry about the condition of his books later�Severus had other things on his mind. Grumbling under his breath, Severus walked back into his bedroom sleepily and fell back into bed, yanking the dark red blankets back over his body.
He was hard as a rock by now, his cock standing proudly beneath his pajama pants. For a moment he wasn�t sure if he was more aroused or more tired, but eventually pulled down his pants and wrapped his long fingers around his cock, stroking firmly as he closed his eyes, recalling the dream. He imagined capturing Potter�s mouth in a searing kiss, rubbing their hips together. Potter clutching at his back, writhing beneath him, moaning beautifully�He couldn�t think of anything more erotic than that.
It was a perfect vision, one he almost never wanted to end. The boy was so beautiful�More enticing than any other lover he had had, real or otherwise. The dream ended faster than he liked and only enjoyed the comfortable, peaceful pleasure that followed his orgasm a few moments before it all came crashing down. His eyes widened in horror and he looked down at himself in disgust. He had not just�No�He couldn�t have�
Not only was the idea of wanking off at the age of thirty five pathetic, but wanking off over thoughts of his student?! Harry Potter, no less! There was something very, deeply wrong here. The boy and his ridiculous fantasies were getting to him much more than he liked.
�Merlin help me,� the man grunted, jumping out of bed and storming into his bathroom, trying very hard to force images of strangling the boy or cursing him into his head instead as he angrily washed off his body, feeling filthy and awful.

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Potions class the next day was horrifying. Why, oh why, did he have to see that stupid brat every day? Severus went out of his way to ignore Potter and was thankful that Draco was keeping his ingredients to himself today, so he didn�t have to fuss at Potter for blowing up his cauldron. In fact, Draco was acting almost like Severus; determined not to do anything to Potter. He instead focused on ruining Weasley�s and Longbottom�s potions. Whether it had something to do with embarrassment over what had taken place a few days ago or kindness born from Potter�s strange attempts at friendship, Severus wasn�t sure.
It did not help matters that Potter was watching him again. He was getting better at not doing it so much, but Severus felt every inch of his body hyperaware of Potter�s gaze every time those green eyes bore into him. It wasn�t much�Not enough to draw any attention to them�But Severus noticed and it was driving him crazy. He imagined grabbing Potter�s tie and strangling him with it or pouring the contents of Longbottom�s cauldron over his head. Yes�That was much better.
�Well�erm�he�s got a nice arse,� Weasley was muttering as Severus made his rounds around the room again.
�What?� Granger hissed.
�WHAT?!� Potter all but shouted.
Severus cringed. It was hard to ignore that. Severus turned his glare upon the trio, trying hard to focus more on Weasley whose entire body seemed to be turning a shade of red that would certainly make Godric Gryffindor proud. �Twenty points from Gryffindor. Focus on your work.�
�Yes, sir,� they muttered.
�I was just saying�Terry Boot has a decent arse.�
�Ronald!� Granger exclaimed, looking mortified.
�Well, I don�t think so!� Weasley hurried to explain. �I just mean�Well�I heard Marietta Edgecomb telling Cho Chang he had a nice arse and thought that girls might know a thing about nice arses and�Well�I�m trying to help Harry out!�
�I don�t need help, thanks,� Potter replied, though he sounded and looked oddly relieved. Severus smirked to himself, having a pretty good idea of what Potter had originally been thinking Weasley meant.
�Well I don�t want you to be lonely, mate! And he�s the only gay bloke I know of here!�
�Ron, I�m not going to be interested in every bloke who turns out to be gay, okay?�
�I know, I know, but it doesn�t hurt to�I don�t know�Try it out. Maybe you�re not even gay.�
Granger sighed impatiently and Severus resisted the urge to do the same. �Ron��
�What?� Weasley hissed.
�I appreciate the thought, Ron, but I�m fine. I don�t think I�ll be in a relationship for a while, anyway��
�Why not, mate? Is it because of what I said?�
�You said a lot, Ron�But no. It�s nothing to do with that��
Severus was tempted to eavesdrop further, but figured he�d been lingering around this side of the room too long. Mentally cursing himself for being so interested in their stupid conversation, he walked over to the Slytherin side of the room. Pansy and Daphne were in a heated argument about who Draco wanted to go out with more�Girls were ridiculous. Tracey was teasing Millicent over having a crush on Crabbe�Severus wrinkled his nose at the thought of anyone being attracted to that buffoon. Crabbe and Goyle were talking about breast sizes of various girls in their year and Severus caught the end of Goyle picking on Crabbe for thinking Granger had a nice chest. Teenagers, Severus thought distastefully.
Teenagers!
Potter was just a child. A teenager. Twenty years his junior. He was a disgusting old man, having such perverted thoughts about his own student. A fifteen year old boy! Severus clenched his jaw and resisted the urge to look at the boy again. Instead he moved over to check on Draco and Theodore�s potions, both of which were nearly as perfect as Granger�s. The whole incident from last night had been driving him crazy all day. He felt awful and filthy and he hated himself for it. It wasn�t doing him well to dwell on it, either, but it was hard getting his mind to focus when the reason he was having all of this trouble was sitting in this room with him.
��not that I�m complaining�I�m having fun mess with the Weasel�But we haven�t done anything to Potter at all today,� Theodore was muttering.
�That�s because I mess with Potter all of the time,� Draco said, waving the boy off. �I�m bored of it.�
�True,� Theodore said, shrugging. �Truthfully, I always thought Longbottom was a better target.�
Draco eagerly latched onto the subject of how fun it was to torment Longbottom while Severus returned to his desk. The conversation hadn�t told him much, but Severus had a feeling this whole thing was more about sparing Potter than avoiding him. As much of an issue as Severus himself had with the boy right now, it was good to see this little plot of theirs turning out well. Draco had shown Potter the letters from his father and now Draco was not making his Potions class experience miserable.
�Time is up! I expect your potions on my desk along with your finished essays,� Severus said smoothly, sitting behind his desk as the students started packing up and bottling their potions. Only Granger managed the teal color it was supposed to be while Draco, Theodore, and Blaise came close. None of the other ones were anywhere near being blue. Potter�s, at least, managed to be green�That was better than most of his classmates� attempts. It wasn�t great, but it was better than the performances he usually gave.
Severus wanted to say something about how awful his potion turned out, but bit his tongue and didn�t even spare the boy a glance as he looked over everyone else. He didn�t dare look, but he had a feeling Potter lingered behind a bit longer than usual, because he heard the urgent voices of Granger and Weasley ushering him out of the room.

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The only thing worse than dealing with Potter in Potions class was dealing with Potter in his Occlumency lessons. It was bad enough that he was alone with the boy without having to dig through his mind, seeing evidence of every dream Potter dared have about him to every moment in reality spent checking him out or staring at him or anything of that nature. Even the few conversations he had had with Granger about him were awful to sit through. Potter walked into his office, looking as though he greatly dreaded this and Severus knew exactly how he felt. He didn�t want to do this anymore than that idiot did. But there was little choice�Severus had tried to get out of these lessons numerous times and he was too smart to try again. He already knew he would be refused.
Deciding the best means of making himself feel better was by making things a bit more difficult on Potter, Severus raised his wand when the boy�s back was turned to close the door. �Legilimens!�
The first thing that greeted him was an interesting dream about Weasley telling off Potter for being friends with Draco and having a thing for Severus, telling him towards the end that he might as well just be a Slytherin. The next was Potter walking alongside Granger while she headed to one of her classes, telling Potter he was going to be late to Divination. Potter badgered her, telling her he needed to talk to her about important things while Granger merely said impatiently, �I don�t know why you don�t just tell Ron! It would make your life a lot easier if he knew!� while Potter just sputtered. �You know he�ll flip about it!� Granger just glared at him and they continue walking and arguing. The scene melted into a different one, Potter standing beside Draco in the bathroom, reading the letters from Lucius.
Severus pulled out of the boy�s mind, pleased to watch him stumble back, looking dizzy and confused for a moment. �How on Earth do you expect anything to happen if you�re too ashamed to tell Weasley about me?� Severus asked, voice harsh and teasing. Maybe bringing that up wasn�t too good, but he couldn�t help himself. Any means of being a prat to Potter made him feel good right about now.
Potter just glared at him. �I�m not dumb enough to think that anything will happen, so I�m not going to have him flip out just to tell him about something that doesn�t even matter.�
�I don�t matter?� Severus drawled, enjoying the way the boy�s face flushed. �I�m hurt. Legilimens!�
Severus bending Potter over his desk. Severus pushing Potter against his wall. Potter kneeling before him in the corridors at night, undoing his pants while those green eyes stared up at him, filled with lust, Severus�s fingers burying in that untidy black hair, urging him closer�Potter�s proclamations of love�Checking out Severus�s arse in class today right before Weasley made his comment about Terry Boot�
Potter fell flat on his bum as Severus pulled out of his mind. The boy was glaring, his whole face as red as Weasley�s had been earlier. Severus sneered. �Mr. Boot isn�t looking so awful now, is he? Perhaps you should take your friends advice�I do get so bored of seeing your dull dreams of me.�
�I don�t think you are�Gives you something to think about when you wank. Don�t forget I�m no the only one who�s had these dreams, Professor�
Damn that boy and damn that ridiculous Shield Charm he had used to get into his mind months ago. �That was once,� he lied, �and nothing more than a response to all of those awful images you were pushing into my mind. You, on the other hand, are bordering obsessed�It would do you good to see other people. I do not wish to deal with foolish boys who think they know me�think they feel something for me.�
Potter�s jaw clenched and his green eyes were alive with fury that sparked something deep within Severus. Desire? He didn�t dare think it�That was truly sick. �Maybe I�ll go ahead and do that then,� Potter snapped, turning and storming out.
Severus breathed a sigh of relief and sank into the chair behind his desk. He did his best to ignore the part of him that was bothered by the idea of pushing Potter into the arms of Terry Boot or some other foolish student. He was also doing his best to continue to push away all thoughts of his desires for the boy away. Everything about this situation that bothered him was exactly why he had to do it. Potter focusing his attentions on someone else would be easier on him. If Potter stopped thinking about him, maybe Severus wouldn�t be forced into thinking about him so much. It all made sense to Severus.

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Harry ran out of the dungeons as fast as he could, ignoring the jeering of the Slytherins he passed along the way. Obsessed, Snape had called him! Foolish, he called him. Didn�t know him�only thought he had feelings for the man�That prick! The man was in his head, looking at his most private thoughts, then acted like he had the right to get upset about it. He acted like he had the right to shove it all in his face! Then he took the one bit of pleasure, the one bit of hope Harry had in knowing Snape had had some sort of dream about him, too, and made it out to be nothing. Harry was just some lovesick idiot.
He was frustrated. Harry didn�t like how he felt about Snape. Hell, he didn�t even understand what he felt about Snape! The man had been awful to him for so long! What did it matter that Harry had seen more to the man than that? He was still the most hated professor a Hogwarts. The man was his potions master and had been enemies with his father at school. The man made fun of him for his feelings all the time. He was a biased, sarcastic, bitter prat and Harry hated him sometimes.
Harry didn�t even make it halfway to Gryffindor Tower before he regretted the decision to leave. He hated that he still felt anything for the man at all. He hated that, even now, he wanted to be around the prick. He missed how things used to be�before it got all complicated. He missed summer, when Harry hadn�t known anything about being gay or being attracted to the git and when they were actually somewhat getting along.
Growling in frustration, Harry stopped to kick the wall, hissing at the sharp pain that shot through his toe. He punched the wall with less force, feeling entirely overwhelmed. He was tired of this�Why couldn�t something in his life be simple? Didn�t he have enough going on, being the Boy Who Lived in a world where Voldemort had returned? Couldn�t his love life, of everything, just be normal and good and uncomplicated? Unfortunately, anything good was too much to ask for.
�Harry?�
Harry stopped in his muttering and brooding and turned around, surprised to see Cho Chang walking up to him, smiling softly. Harry forced himself to smile back. �Hey, Cho.�
�So�umm�how�s Remedial Potions going?�
Harry chuckled darkly. �Extra lessons with Snape. How do you think it�s going?�
Cho giggled. �Not so good, I suppose,� she said nervously, walking closer to him slowly. She was pretty, Harry thought to himself. He had always thought she was pretty�But he didn�t want her anymore. He was a bit disappointed by that thought. �So�Umm�You know�There�s a Hogsmeade weekend on Valentines Day.�
�Hmm? Oh�Oh yeah,� Harry said.
Cho blushed and smiled shyly. �I was just thinking�maybe��
She wasn�t�? �Do you want to go with me?� he blurted out.
�Oooh yes!� Cho said giddily.
�Great,� Harry said, grinning.
�Great!� Cho giggled. �Well I better get back�Marietta�s waiting for me. See you, Harry!�
Harry smiled, watching Cho walk off. Her black ponytail swung from side to side and her hips swayed and she half skipped as she walked. Cho Chang�His dream of last year. One of the prettiest girls at school�His smile faded as she became nothing but a black dot in the distance and he sighed heavily. �What the bloody hell did I just do?� he muttered to himself.
Five minutes later, he walked into Gryffindor Tower in a daze. Ron and Hermione were one of few people in the common room, snogging on the couch. Harry was tempted to sneak past them and go to bed, but instead found himself stopping by their couch, clearing his throat. Ron and Hermione jumped apart, grinning goofily, faces burning red.
�Harry! You�re�early!� Hermione exclaimed, sitting up straight and clearing her throat.
�I did something bad,� Harry groaned, sinking into a nearby chair.
�Oh no, Harry, d--� Hermione began.
�Did you curse the git?� Ron asked eagerly.
�What? Oh, no,� Harry said, shaking his head. �I asked Cho Chang to Hogsmeade for Valentine�s Day.�
�Oh wow,� Hermione said, looking stunned.
�That�s great, mate!� Ron said happily. �So you think you�re not gay then?�
�No, I am,� Harry said irritably and Ron deflated a bit. �Just�Got mad at someone and ended up asking Cho�I�m so stupid.�
�Oh Harry,� Hermione sighed.
�This have anything with the mystery bloke you like?� Ron asked.
Hermione�s eyes grew wide.
Harry hesitated a moment before nodding. �Everything to do with him,� Harry said. The next words were on the tip of his tongue, though he held them in for a minute. Was he really going to do this? �See, I�ve been having sex dreams about Snape since summer and during Occlumency lessons he�s had full access to said dreams. He picks on me about it, but it wasn�t so bad before�We used to talk and stuff after lessons, because Dumbledore and Voldemort want him to �get close� to me or whatever. And I sort of started getting feelings for the git and now he�s in a pissy mood and told me I needed to find someone else to �obsess� over so I got mad and Cho was the first person I ran into and yeah.�
Ron looked horrified. �Blimey! Bloody hell, mate�Wh--�Why�Umm�You feeling okay, mate?�
�I�m fine, Ron,� Harry grunted. �I cannot believe I did this.�
�Cho�s better than Terry Boot and Snape combined, at least,� Ron offered.
�Ron,� Hermione sighed. �Harry should not have asked Cho out to get revenge on Snape!�
�Like it would work,� Harry scoffed.
�You�re right! And you should be grateful nothing will work!� Hermione said, launching off into a lecture about Wizarding laws. He wasn�t of legal age, for one thing. Teacher-student relationships were illegal. Then the added addition of Snape having known his parents and the fact that homosexuality was wrong in the Wizarding world�That got her a good long glare from Harry where she had to quickly assure him that she had no problems with his sexuality, only that it would hurt their case even more for that fact. �So you see, Harry, maybe it�s not a bad idea to take his advice. Realistically, it would never work! And a crush is a crush, but I think you�re getting it into your head that�Well I think it�s becoming more than that and it�s not good, Harry! I�m just--�
�I know, Hermione�Thanks,� Harry said grudgingly. He always knew his chances with Snape were slight, but that didn�t mean having every small hope of his crushed was a good experience.

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Author�s Notes: thanks for the reviews! I love hearing from people! Which leads me to something very important�Now, I have the majority of the story written out. Short summaries of what I want for each chapter. Now what�s coming up within the next several chapters are the end of OotP and the big question is is if I should kill Sirius or not and if there is anyone else I should kill. I do have a person I plan on offing who didn�t die in the book, but that�s a secret for now and he/she will be dying no matter what�But I would like some input on this so please let me know what you think!
Also let me know what you think of the chapter, you know! Chapter title lyrics from �Fake It� by Seether.
And to Madamdragon...Yeah, it's going to be a while before Snape and Harry really start getting somewhere. It wouldn't be any fun if they had it easy lol! Don't worry, though, I'm a die-hard snarry fan so things will work out at some point...for a little while
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Lost and Damned