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Sex Ed	By : Alcoholic_Rootbeer Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 39683 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I don't own the characters, the ideas, or the books. I just like to imagine in JK's world for a bit. I am not making a profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
Hey guys! Sorry it took me so long to post. In-laws are in town, and I released a new chapter of HTTYA2 and a new story titled 'Bond' (dramione). Go check it out if you have the time!
A special thank you to WayMay for encouraging me to make Neville talk all 'Herbology' in this chapter. LOVE YOU WAY!
~A.
They say, "Stay in your lane, boy, lane boy,"
But we go where we want to
They think this thing is a highway, highway,
But will they be alive tomorrow?
"Lane" by Twenty One Pilots
It never occurred to Hermione that, behind her back, Draco tortured Neville any chance he could over the humiliating misunderstanding that took place over the dear Professor L being a snoop in the name of friendship. Sure, she did catch that Neville blushed deep shades of red when he looked her in the eyes, and she couldn't help but notice Draco sniggering into the back of his hand when the two of them would pass Neville in the hallways. But she chalked it up to some deep-seeded rivalry between the two men from their adolescent years. She never dreamed, in a million years, Neville would assume Draco a male-escort, and she most certainly didn't think Neville would think she'd hire anyone for sex in the first place.
So, when she told Draco she wanted to include Neville in their combined lesson on 'Practices for Safe Sex', she couldn't understand why he barreled forward, laughing into the library desk they shared on this quiet Tuesday afternoon between lessons.
"What's so funny?" she frowned, nudging him under the table with her foot. She caught him in the ankle, which seemed to be his Achilles heel, because he jerked upright, seething in pain.
"Tell me," he said, resting his face in his hand with an amused grin, "Why should we include Longbottom in our lessons, again?"
"Because he's the Herbology Professor, and his insight into the ingredients we'll be going over in your potions could shed some insight into what kind of components the students will be working with. We want to be as thorough as possible, don't we?"
She saw his eyes flicker with a hint of naughtiness the same time she felt his foot trail up the side of her leg. "Speaking of thorough," he said in a soft, raspy voice, "Maybe we could check another item off of our list?"
She blanched, glancing around the library bustling with students. "Now?"
He rolled his eyes. "No, not now. You really are an adventurous witch, aren't you?" His smirk caused her to blush. "But soon. Being a Professor has, indeed, gotten in the way of our bonding time. If I have to grade one more shoddy attempt at a three-foot parchment on the ingredients of Polyjuice potion, it will be too soon."
"Bonding time?" She laughed. "Is that what you call it?"
"Wouldn't you?" He chanced a wink in her direction before a group of first years bustled past them. "I feel a connection every time I get an opportunity to lick that delicious—Oof!"
Hermione kicked him hard in the shins as Lidia Cornelia approached the table, a basket in her hands and a grin on her face. "Good afternoon, Professors!"
"Hello, Lidia," Hermione smiled, casting a warning glance over to Draco for him to not dare finish that sentence. He turned his attention, instead, on the young witch and gestured to her basket.
"Going on a picnic, Cornelia?"
"No, Sir." She sat the basket down on the table; it landed with a thud. "I asked my Mum to bake me some of her world-famous muffins, croissants, and short breads, amongst others. She works at a three Michelin star restaurant dedicated to pastries. -It's my way of thanking you for what you did, you know, with Liam and me."
"Isn't that considered bribery?" Draco razzed, though he still pulled the basket towards his side of the table and peeked in. "Are these blueberry flavored?" He cast a playful grin to Hermione. Yet again, he found the tip of her shoe coming into contact with his ankle. He could be such a cur sometimes.
"That's very thoughtful of you, Lidia, but there was no need."
"You hush your mouth," Draco snatched up a muffin from the mix and rolled it across the table to her. "When there are sweets involved, always say thank you and dig in."
"Professor Malfoy has an exceptional sweet tooth," Hermione said to the young witch. "I think you have his vote of silence. -And mine as well. You have our thanks."
"Thank you both," Lidia grinned. "And thanks to you, Liam's written his Mum and Dad about us!"
Draco's eyes flickered from his strudel to Lidia. "Did he now?"
"Yes. And, while they're not very pleased, they've decided to give us their blessing. Something about young love never working out in the long run -but the joke's on them, because we've practically been inseparable since we met. Even if things don't work out, they'll still have to put up with me in one way or another." She waved her professors off and skipped on to another table a few rows down next to Liam and a group of peers.
"Look at what you've done," Hermione said, pleased.
Draco raised an eyebrow. "What'd I do?"
"You inspired Liam to come clean about his relationship with Lidia. That's impressive."
"Impressive enough to earn me something off of that list?" Draco asked as he finished off the last of his strudel before biting into a tart.
"You've become obsessive."
He shrugged. "So back to this Longbottom business…"
"Oh. Yes. -I was thinking, maybe you should be the one to ask him."
"Why…."
"Because you two would need to go over the details together, since hardly any of this falls back to me this time around, except to reiterate condoms and muggle birth control."
"So, when you said you wanted Longbottom as a part of the lesson, what you really meant was that you wanted us to work together."
"Yes. Exactly that."
Draco groaned, bouncing in his chair like a two-year-old. "If I do this, I want three things off of my list. At the same time. By yesterday."
Hermione rolled her eyes and picked up her muffin. "Sure, Draco. Whatever you'd like."
Neville hated this time of the year, because it was the changing of the season for the Mandragoras. No doubt, he'd walk into the second year greenhouse to find pots and plants knocked off their shelving as the Mandrakes reached their adolescence. Finicky little bastards, they were, and while he used to find them fascinating, nowadays, they only seemed to build to his ever-growing list of problems.
The past few weeks had been difficult, to say the least. Malfoy's threat of turning Neville in to the Headmistress for his (now what he deemed to be idiotic) prank kept him at arm's length from discussing his knowledge to Hermione of her tryst with Malfoy. And it didn't help that Malfoy would make suggestive faces as Hermione walked past him, or leave mock-up lists of services under his office door. The worst of it was Hermione seemed happier. She practically glowed when she walked into the Great Hall for meals, and during the Professors' meeting last week in McGonagall's office, he swore to Godric himself he caught her and Malfoy holding hands under the table. He, at the very least, had spotted them brushing legs up against each other.
"Longbottom," a crisp, irritating voice resounded behind him, causing him to stop mid stride in the courtyard on his way to the greenhouse. Neville clenched his fists, took in a deep breath through his nose, and exhaled. Slowly, he turned around and spotted Malfoy a few yards off, leaned up next to a pear tree, arms crossed and face as snooty as ever. "Have a moment?"
"Not really, no," Neville mumbled. "Why?"
"You've been recruited."
"For what?"
"For Sex Ed."
Neville could practically feel the blood leaving his heart and rushing into his cheeks and ears. Though the sun glistened in the sky above, that still didn't stop his body from shimmering in fresh goosebumps. "I… Excuse me?"
"Sexual Education," Malfoy smirked, pushing himself off of the tree to take a few steps closer. "I know that's not something you're cultured in, but for some reason, Hermione thinks you'll be of use."
"Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Call her Hermione."
"It's her name."
"Her given name. Something to which you have no privilege to."
"That's odd." Malfoy stepped closer now, right up Neville's personal bubble of space. "Because she's always begging me to whisper it in her ear when she's pressed beneath me."
Neville blinked once, resisting the urge to go for his wand. No. He wouldn't be goaded by something so childish. "She wouldn't be enlisting you for that sort of thing if she found a proper wizard."
"You think so?"
"I know it."
"Right. Well," Malfoy shrugged, "I suppose she doesn't prefer the company of a 'proper' wizard when she's been properly satiated. -We both know how much you wish it were you, but let's face it. She has standards."
Something unhinged in Neville, and an expression of deep disgust found its way upon his face. "Standards? No, Malfoy. She's just scraped at the bottom of the barrel. That's all you are."
Malfoy nodded. "Just remember, Longbottom, she turned you down and then chose me. So what does that say about you?"
Prying his eyes away to the ground, Neville crossed his arms and focused on a bit of grass beneath his scuffed shoes. He'd asked himself that very same question over and over again as he tossed in his bed for sleep. "What does Hermione need me to do for her class?" He didn't want to let her down -he was still her friend, after all.
"So very glad you asked." Malfoy untucked a folded parchment from his pockets and handed it to him. "We're covering contraceptive potions, and I know that a few of these ingredients fall under Herbology curriculum. Hermione and I," he said it as if they were a team, which irritated Neville even more, "would like you to discuss the list of ingredients I've given you. We both know what happens if you don't follow the correct steps when making those kind of contraceptive potions. I mean, that's what happened to your parents, isn't it?"
"You are, by far, the biggest prick I've ever come to know."
"You flatter me."
Both men glared at one another, and then Neville nodded. "Tell Hermione I'll do it -but for her. Not you."
"I wouldn't think it'd be for me. Or are you holding a secret candle in my honor? I've told you, Longbottom; you can't afford me."
"I wasn't finished. I'll do it for her. Not you. But you'll owe me."
"Pardon?"
It was Neville's turn to smirk. "We both know you wouldn't want to let Hermione down. It'd be a shame if I told her how much of an arrogant ass you've been, and how that deterred me from helping with your Sexual Education class."
Malfoy narrowed his eyes. "What do you want?"
It was then Neville thought up his brilliant plan -like a bolt of lightning from the heavens that sped down into his mind. He'd never be able to muster up enough courage on his own to talk to Hermione about all of this; but if he had a confidence potion, he just might. And Malfoy was going to brew it for him.
"I want your help in brewing a potion for me."
"Seriously?" The blonde arched an eyebrow. "That's it?"
"That's it."
"Alright. Sure. Why not. You do this class. I'll make you a potion. What do you want? Something to make those ears of yours shrink? I'm not sure there's a potion strong enough for that."
"Bugger off." Neville turned on his heels and stomped off in the direction of the greenhouse once more while listening to Malfoy laugh at his departure.
"Thank you so much for agreeing to do this, Neville!" Hermione clapped her hands excitedly as Longbottom helped her set up the projector screen from previous lessons. Draco watched from his spot at the podium, not wanting to get his hands dirty and, also, just not wanting to be anywhere near Neville. Though he was having fun watching the worm squirm, he still felt miffed at Longbottom's assumption and had to remind himself continuously not to hex the Herbology Professor whenever he caught sight of him.
Draco Malfoy? A slut for hire? The nerve…
"You're most welcome, Hermione," Longbottom said as he finished his work. "Although, I'm not sure how much help I'll be."
"Nonsense," said Draco, "You're already a shining example of abstinence. After all, when the children are reminded that they could reproduce someone like you, it'll send their irreverent thoughts running for the hills."
"Draco!" Hermione scolded.
"What?" he smirked.
"It's alright, Hermione. I've already told you: I ignore him. Maybe the children will finally have a proper male role model to look up to."
"Are we entirely sure you're male? I mean, none of us have ever seen your downstairs mix-up to be sure…"
"Bet you'd love that…" Neville sneered under his breath so that only Draco could hear. "Lay off, would you?"
"And if I don't?"
"Not everyone deals in threats, Malfoy. I, for instance, am going to ask you out of the assumption that you could surprise us all and act like a decent individual for once."
"You'll be sorely disappointed."
"Will you two stop it?" Hermione looked between them. "Honestly, you've been at each other's throats quite a bit more than usual." She put up her hands to silence them. "Second thought. Scratch that. Tell me after lessons." She then walked off to speak to a group of seventh year Gryffindors, leaving the two men alone together.
"I'm going to tell her," Longbottom said, approaching Draco. "One way, or another."
"As I've told you, you breathe a word of this to anyone and-"
"-Do you get off on poorly woven threats?"
"No," Draco leaned forward on the podium so that they were eye to eye. "I just get off on Professor Granger."
He watched Neville's ears turn scarlet as he scurried away, cursing under his breath. Good. Served him right. Did he truly think it was endearing to butt his nose into Hermione's personal sex life in the first place?
"You're going to do great, Neville," Hermione told him, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "Chin up. Eyes forward."
"I teach lessons every day," he said to her, "I can handle this."
"Right." She pushed a piece of paper into his hand.
"What's this?"
"Your introduction into the lesson."
Neville glanced down and shot his head back up, all the color drained from his face. He gave her a pleading look. "I… maybe you should read this. It's your curriculum, after all."
"Nonsense. You'll do wonderfully."
"G-Good evening," Neville started to the seventh years, who had gotten a case of the 'senioritis.' Hermione tapped her wand on the podium, sending red sparks from the tip to gather their attention. She nodded encouragingly, and he continued. "Professor Granger asked me to give an introduction into…" Oh, Rowena's great hat, she didn't actually expect him to use this terminology, did she? He didn't know if he could openly address seventeen-year-olds with the words 'vagina' and 'penis' and 'intercourse' without trembling like a mandrake in mating season. "Into…" Somehow, Malfoy had made his way down to the Slytherin table, smirking from the edge of it while leaning his face in his hand. He looked pleased at Neville's discomfort, and it only made things worse for the dear Herbology teacher. So, Neville did what he did best in awkward situations; his thoughts went to plants.
"Professor Granger," he began again, watching Malfoy give an exaggerated yawn, "has asked me here to discuss with you the importance of proper pollination." Yes. If he spoke this way, he might make it through without vomiting all over the front row.
"Proper pollination, Professor?" shouted Malfoy, smirking.
Neville narrowed his eyes. "Yes. To put it in terms that are simple: everyone gets interested in gardening, sooner or later. If you apply safe, practical ways of pollinating your flowers, when the time is right, then you'll grow a beautiful garden. But if you rush into it, you might end up with a bunch of weeds."
Seventh year Hufflepuff Glenda Barth raised her hand. "Professor… er… what are you… I'm not sure we understand the topic tonight."
Hermione rushed up next to Neville, jerking the paper from his hands. "Safe sex! We're going to be discussing safe sex!"
A wave of ohs and ahs flowed through the Great Hall, and Neville slumped his shoulders. "Sorry, Hermione."
"It's alright, Neville. Why don't you go sit with the Gryffindors, and I'll call you up when I need you?" She waited until he was properly squished between a group of seventh year boys before she continued. "Tonight, Professors Malfoy, Longbottom, and I will walk you through the different practices of preventing pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, and sexually transmitted infections. And yes, there is a difference." She gestured to the projector, walking and talking through the muggle ways of condoms, how they fit around a penis (Neville cringed), birth control pills (which sounded like dangerous muggle alchemy), and vasectomies (Oh MERLIN, they could do that to your testicles?!) He exchanged glances with a paled Malfoy, and both men, in that moment, shared a quiet understanding of horror.
"Now, I'd like to give the floor to Professor Malfoy and Professor L, who will be going over the ingredients needed to brew a contraceptive potion. Gentlemen!"
Malfoy sauntered his way to the podium and transfigured it into a workbench as Neville waved his wand at the projector to prepare for their lesson. They hadn't gone over it together in practice, so there was no telling just how this lesson would go. Neville always liked to be prepared, but it seemed Malfoy liked to work under pressure.
"Contraceptive potions are tricky buggers," began Malfoy, "so don't attempt it unless you are absolutely confident in your talents of brewing, or you're willing to take the risk of having a bundle screaming, restless nights, and making diaper changing your profession." He smirked at the paled students. "Now that I have your attention, perhaps Professor L would like to go over a few key ingredients that are used." His gaze lulled over to Neville.
"T-Thank you, Professor Malfoy." Though he didn't mean it. Still, manners maketh man. "One of the key ingredients in making a contraceptive potion is ground wiggentree bark." He waved his wand, and the projector lit to life, showing bits of closely examined bark. "It is a rare tree that is usually inhabited by bowtruckles, as we've gone over in our lessons. This bark, if used improperly, could potentially, quite literally, make your wood into wood."
"Wood?" shouted a Slytherin boy from the back.
"Erection," Hermione interjected.
"You mean to tell me," that same Slytherin boy said, "that if I used that bark the wrong way, I could turn my hard on into wood?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying." Neville clicked the projector, and pulled two phials from his pockets. They both held some type of fine powder the color of seaweed. "If you're not careful, you have the potential for a lot of things to go wrong. For example- one of these phials belongs to the grogoreous herb family, which will help prevent unwanted pregnancies. The other is ground mandrake. Can someone tell me which is which?"
A raven-haired Ravenclaw threw her hand up into the air and pointed to the phial on his left. "That's the grogoreous herb, Sir."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Neville exchanged glances with Malfoy, allowing himself to smile. "Incorrect." He turned his eyes back to the student. "Congratulations, Miss Waltz, you've just turned your boyfriend's pickle green."
Waltz fell back into her chair, mortified.
"The same thing can happen if you place too much essence of poppy into enhancement spells. Plants are not to be taken lightly, and should you put too much or too little of them into your Potions, you're going to end up with disastrous results."
"Like enhancement potions!" Hermione piped in, stepping up between Malfoy and Neville.
"Enhancement potions, Professor?" asked one of her Gryffindor students.
"Do we need to spell it out for you?" Malfoy chimed in. "Potions that enhance certain characteristics someone might feel are inadequate." He gestured to Neville. "For example, if Professor L grew tired of his exceptionally large ears, or small undercarriage, an enhancement potion could, temporarily, fix these issues."
The Great Hall burst into chuckles, and Neville's face matched his Gryffindor themed tie -red and bold. He loosened said tie in an attempt to calm himself, and then said in a cool tone, "But if you're not careful, it's possible the effects of the potion, when adding the wrong ingredients, could result in permanent damage. -How do you think Professor Malfoy got that big head of his?"
The classroom roared with applause and whistles. Hermione frowned at Neville, silently scolding him. She also cast a deathly glare to Malfoy, who rolled his eyes and looked down at his hand as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
"Point being," Neville continued, "if you aren't careful when identifying the correct plants and herbs used for these types of potions, you could quite literally sprout flowers from your flower, if you get my meaning."
"Know from personal experience, Professor Longbottom?" Malfoy sneered.
He really hoped Hermione was on the potion. Godric only knew what everyone would say if she and Malfoy were to reproduce under their circumstances. He supposed that would be one advantage of sleeping with a Potion's Professor- he wasn't likely to muck things up in his own profession.
"Class, take five!" Hermione shouted, throwing her hands up. "Pull out your parchment and write five inches of notes that you've learned in this lesson so far." She stalked her way towards the back of the Great Hall, over near the Professors' table, and motioned for Neville and Malfoy to follow.
Hermione had no idea what was going on between Draco and Neville, but she did know she would put a stop to it here and now. How dare they bicker during lessons? They were supposed to be professionals, for Pete's sake!
She crossed her arms as both men approached and threw them heated glares. "Spill it. Now. What in the name of Hogwarts is going on between you two? And don't you lie to me."
Draco smirked, knowing just how to answer to place the cherry on top of fucking with Neville Longbottom. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I really should have told you before now." He wrapped an arm around her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Longbottom's figured us out."
The look he procured from Longbottom was priceless -he was a pasty, ridged statue of embarrassment.
"He… he did?" Hermione looked between her friend and her boyfriend, confused. "How did you… did you tell him, Draco?"
"Nope." He grinned at his girlfriend, loving the exquisite nature of this misunderstanding. "He's just too clever for us."
"Oh." She turned her head to the Herbology Professor, her eyes softening. "Oh, Neville. Is that why you've been so sour?" She stepped forward and threw her arms around him. "You could have come and talked to me about it. We just wanted to keep things quiet because of Ron. You know how he can get."
Draco had to bite his lower lip to keep the fit of laughter from spilling from his throat.
"Hermione," Longbottom said, patting her on the back awkwardly. "I… I'm not sure I approve of…"
"Oh, don't you start in on that, Neville Longbottom!" Hermione scolded, releasing him and giving him a what-for expression. "Draco and I are perfectly happy."
"Yeah, but… I-I mean… don't you think it's a bit… weird? What do you think your parents would say if they knew?"
"They'd be happy for me that I've found someone."
"Not like this, Hermione." He motioned to Draco, who held a pleased smirk. Maybe he should clear all this up… or maybe, he should just stay silent and see what would happen. "You're better than this."
"Neville." She shook her head. "I expected you to be more tolerant."
"Tolerant?" he squeaked out, "What you're doing isn't common, Hermione."
"We can talk about this later," she told him, patting him on the shoulder. "All I ask is that you keep this between us, for now. Can you do that, please? If word got out… well, we're just not ready to go public about it, yet." Draco watched as Neville Longbottom blanched to the color of parchment.
"Tell me this is all some sort of sick joke," he whispered.
"The only thing that's a joke around here, Longbottom, is that tie." Draco smirked, turning his attention to Hermione. "Shouldn't we be getting back to lessons?"
"Yes. Yes we should." Hermione patted Longbottom's shoulder once more. "Thank you for being so understanding, Neville. You really are a great friend."
"Yes, Longbottom." Draco walked up to him and patted his cheek. "Such a good friend."
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