Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

To have loved, and lost (was Missed Chances)	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 10775 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Remebrance
- 2-2.
- 3-3.
- 4-4.
- 5-5.
- 6-6.
- 7-7.
- 8-8.
- 9-9.
- 10-10.
- 11-11.
- 12-12.
- 13-13.
- 14-14.
- 15-15.
- 16-16.
- 17-17.
- 18-18.
- 19-19.
- 20-20.
- 21-21.
- 22-22.
- 23-23.
- 19
- 20
- 21
“Sorry, old friend. You were about to do something very stupid,” Lucius said coolly.

Severus seethed inwardly, even as his body refused to obey him. How embarrassing t have been bested, even by Lucius. How dare they treat him in such a way, and in his own house too. Just wait till he was free… Lucius would regret jinxing him.

“Now, we won’t release you until we’re sure you’re calm, Severus,” Minerva was saying. “You’ve clearly jumped to conclusions. Wrong ones, I might add, about why we are here. Will you listen if I lift the spell? Blink your eyes twice for yes.”

Severus just glared.

After a moment, when Minerva realise he wasn’t going to agree, she smiled cattily. “In that case…”

She flicked her wand, and Severus floated gently towards the sofa, his heels dragging on the floor. Minerva guided him to rest gently, propped up against the cushions.

It was most undignified to be leant at such an angle against his own furniture like a plank of wood. He tried his best to rise above it all, to see as if he didn’t care. The inability to control any part of his body beyond his blink reflex meant his efforts were in vain, and to his chagrin he noted that both of his so-called friends wore almost identical smiles as they regarded him.

“Have you changed your mind…?”

He refused to blink at her. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. He could ignore them until they got bored and left him blessedly alone.

The smirk faced from her face and she glanced at Lucius briefly once more.

“Well, if you insist,” she said in a crisp tone that clearly said she wasn’t too impressed with his attitude. “As I was saying, you’ve clearly misunderstood our reasons for coming. How could you seriously believe I…we… only came here to taunt you? We were worried about you, you daft pillock! The number of times I’ve been to this house and had no response. No one had heard sight or sound of you for weeks, not since…”

“…not since the law was repealed,” Lucius finished for her when she paused.

Minerva shot him a quick glare, before turning her attention back to Severus. “Yes, well… I knew you were in here in any case. Your wards always had a particular… flavour… when you’re behind them. Most particularly when you’re hiding behind them. Over the years I’ve had plenty of time to notice when you’ve needed time alone, the years before the final fall of Voldemort more than usual. I’ve never known anything quite like the wards you had up this time. This time there was a real touch of…”

“…desperation,” Lucius supplied.

Minerva frowned for a moment, before nodding slightly in agreement.

“I’ve only ever seen them come close twice before. It took me a week just to fight off your repelling charm.”

“If only I’d made it stronger,” though Severus waspishly. “I might yet be free of your interminable company.”

“I knew there was something seriously wrong. I just wish I’d been able to get through to you sooner.”

“I don’t,” he thought. “If not for the fact I was out of booze you would have never got through the door.”

“And it was a good think I didn’t just leave you to it, by the state you were in when I found you. I’d hate to think what you’d be like after another week or two.”

“You were such a mess Minerva felt she needed assistance. Just look at this place, Severus. Why you are even still living in this… foul place I don’t know. It surely wouldn’t be hard to find something better. I’m surprised you brought Miss… uh… any woman to this dump. I’m surprised you haven’t burnt it to the ground to be honest.” The last sentence was barely more than a murmur, as he raised the back of his hand delicately to his nose, as if to ward off a bad smell.

Minerva glared at him in a way that would have quelled even the unruliest of students. Lucius affected not to notice.

“Not all of us are lucky enough to inherit Elizabethan manor houses, you unmitigated wanker.” It was lucky he was unable to move, or Severus would be wiping the haughty look off his friend’s face with his fist once more.

“We only came because we were concerned about you, Severus,” Minerva continued after a moment.

“Merlin know you worked yourself into a right after the Evans girl died. Not to mention over twenty years of self-flagellation afterwards. And it’s been obvious to anyone who knows you that you clearly feel more for Granger than you ever did for Evans…”

“And we wanted to try and stop you from going down a similar path before it was too late.” Minerva was doing her best to ignore Lucius’ tactless remarks.

“Because you’re getting far too old to spend another twenty years beating yourself up,” Lucius butted in again.
Minerva finally rounded on him. “Mr Malfoy, you are not helping. If you can’t contribute something useful to the discussion, could you kindly remove yourself from it?”

Lucius spoke to Severus as if Minerva hadn’t spoken. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment.” He swept out of the front room towards the kitchen.

She turned back. “As concerned as I’ve been about you, Severus, you’re not the only one who’s in a bad way. Mr Potter came to me a while back, for advice. Hermione had holed herself up in a bedroom at Grimmauld and refused to come out or see anyone for three weeks.

Despite himself, Severus couldn’t help but listen.

“Potter said he’d tried everything, but had run out of ideas, so he called on me, thinking that I might have some ideas because of my connection with you. Not that I had any particular advice, unfortunately. I’ve not seen all that much of either of you since you left Hogwarts. I did go to try and speak to her, though, and found her much as Mr Potter had described. The two of you make a right pair. Why you let things get this bad when you both obviously care for each other I cannot fathom.”

“She did nothing,” he wanted to say. “It was all me.”

His confession left unspoken, Minerva carried on. “And then of course the plight of all these children from forced marriages came to light. Mr Potter meant well, I am sure, by telling her about it. He clearly hoped it would stir her into action, but it worked all too well, I’m afraid. The puir lassie’s running herself into the ground, despite the fact that there are enough people fighting this particular battle. I’ve told her to let others deal with it, but she’s utterly determined to see it through, no matter the cost to her own health.”

“It’s all my fault. I did this to her,” he berated himself. “Everything I touch turns to shit.”

“Mr. Potter’s been keeping me informed, and I’ve visited her a couple of times at both the Ministry and at Grimmauld to see how she is. She’s still refusing to talk about what happened with you, of course. She won’t hear a bad word about you, not from anyone. Something needs to change, though, and soon, or who knows what may happen.”

Severus suddenly found himself blinking very fast. He was released in a moment, his body sagging down onto the sofa beneath him.

“Minerva… I…”

His anger had completely dissipated, and all of a sudden he found himself lost for words. All he could do was drop his head into his hands.

“That’s why I called for Lucius. I figured that between the two of us we might be able to pull your head out of your arse and help the both of you.”

“You can’t possibly think she’ll take me back after what I’ve done to her. She deserves far better in any case. The best thing I can do is leave her to move on with her life.”

Minerva sat down next to him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I think she deserves to hear what you’ve told me. She’s hurt and suffering, and no one else has been able to get through to her. She needs to hear that you’re sorry for what happened. And I think you need to tell her, for your sake as well as hers. I can’t tell you that I think she’ll take you back, but I believe neither of you can move on until you’ve dealt with what has happened.”

Severus felt dread settle in his stomach. How could he face her, after what he’d done? Minerva was right, though. He owed it to her to confess what a detestable prick he’d been to her. If it would help her to move on, he would have to swallow his pride, and beg her forgiveness. He could take whatever anger she had. He deserved whatever she could throw at him.

Without removing his hands from his eyes, he slowly nodded. “I’ll do it,” he mumbled. “I’ll do anything.”

The hand on his shoulder squeezed tight, as if to offer support.

“I think you…”

Lucius suddenly appeared at the living room door, looking nauseated. “I’m not sure I want to know what you’ve been doing in your lavatory,” he said with a sniff, pulling at the sleeves on his robes with irritation. “But you’ll be glad to know that I had a house-elf deal with it.” He turned his nose up. “The smell was utterly frightful. I’m sure my hands actually smell worse after washing them in that sink.”
1 month 1 week earlier.

He’d already blasted the chair apart and repaired it at least once a day since she’d gone, or at least he thought he had. Days had blurred into each other, and with the curtains drawn, he wasn’t even sure whether it was day or night. The clock on the mantle had run down and now perpetually told the time as seventeen minutes and twenty four seconds past three.

Severus alternated between hating her for abandoning him, and hating himself for driving her away. He’d been drinking fairly steadily, keeping himself drunk enough that he couldn’t think – or feel – clearly, but not drinking so much as to cause him to be violently ill once more.

He’d long since given up on drinking from a glass, mainly because he’d smashed all the crystal tumblers that were one of the few decent things his parents had left him. A bottle nestled in the crock of his arm as he sat slumped in his chair – he’d learnt not to sit with it dangling from his fingers when he’d fallen asleep at one point and dropped the open bottle, wasting most of the contents. He smelt disgusting, he knew, his clothes sticky with sweat and split booze, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He only really noticed when he got up to relieve himself, or grab another bottle anyway.

Dishes were starting to pile up around his chair, adding to the general stench. He’d finished the last of the fresh food that she had left in the fridge, and had started to work his way through the tinned stuff. Who knew that baked beans and pasta could taste so good? Even slightly burnt as it had been.
- 19
- 20
- 21
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

To have loved, and lost (was Missed Chances)