Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Hold on Tight	By : cls2256 Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 7315 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. This fic is for entertainment purposes only!

Chapter List
- 1-one
- 2-two
- 3-three
- 4-four
- 5-five
- 6-six
- 7-seven
- 8-eight
- 9-nine
- 10-ten
- 11-eleven
- 12-twelve
- 13-thirteen
- 14-fourteen
- 15-fifteen
- 16-sixteen
- 17-seventeen
- 18-eighteen
- 19-nineteen
- 20-twenty
- 21-twenty one
- 22-twenty two
- 23-twenty three
- 24-twenty four
- 25-twenty five
- 26-twenty six
- 27-twenty seven
- 28-twenty eight
- 29-Twenty nine
- 19
- 20
- 21
Author's Notes:
Hate to put spoilers right at the top of the chapter, but I feel it's right to put the trigger warnings here at the beginning when writing about subjects like this because I never know what my readers might be going through and how certain topics can affect them. That being said, if any of these triggers are difficult for you, I will put a summary of the chapter at the end, so that you may scroll down, read the summary and decide if you'd like to proceed with the chapter. If you choose not to read this chapter, the summary will catch you up enough that you won't be lost at the start of the next chapter. There are no graphic scenes here, no horrific details surrounding the triggers, but what happened is mentioned and we will see the aftermath and grief.
Trigger warnings for this chapter are: Infant loss, miscarriage, late-term miscarriage.

I hope you all are staying safe and healthy at home!!

People were coughing. People were sneezing. The chatter of inaudible voices was deafening. The fluorescent bulbs humming and flickering overhead were maddening. Sirius couldn't understand why St. Mungo's would use muggle electricity when illuminating charms would provide a less harsh on the eyes, yet equally bright amount of illumination.
It was early— or late, depending on which way Sirius looked at it. The sunrise was just barely visible over the horizon, providing a picturesque pinkish-red glow over downtown London, as visible from the hospital's windows. It was beautiful, calm, and still, unlike the raging panic that he felt deep inside him.
There was so much blood, and Allie was in so much pain. The medi-witches took her immediately on arrival, wasting no time to get her back into a treatment room. A Healer's aide held Sirius back, insisting he needed to say out here for the time being. Sirius fought, insisting he needed to be with her.
"Sir, I'm sorry, but you need to remain in the waiting room until someone calls for you," the aide repeated. "She's in good hands, I assure you. There is nothing more you can do for her at this point."
Sirius knew this to be true, the healers and medi-witches could do more for Allie than he could. He was shown to his seat, had the bloodstains siphoned off his green plaid pajama pants, and gave Allie's information.
That was nearly three hours ago. He'd asked the Welcome Witch at the front desk twice for information on Allie, but she was less than accommodating.
"They'll come out to speak with you when they know more," the witch had replied flatly "please take a seat, sir."
He continued to wait, staring out the window as the sun rose higher and higher. He wished with every passing moment that the gut-wrenching knot in his belly would settle, but alas, it only grew worse as the time went on.
The aide returned, and Sirius jumped to his feet. His stomach was fluttering with anticipation as he looked to the side with a hopeful expression. He prayed it was good news, just some ordinary thing that happens at this stage in pregnancy, and this nightmare would be over.
"Mr. Black? Come with me, please."
The aide pulled Sirius into a nearby waiting room, which appeared to be much more comfortable and cheerful than the main waiting area Sirius had been in for the past few hours. The walls were painted a goldenrod yellow, and there was a series of children's toys pulled up in the corner. A watercolor painting of a young witch riding a broom hung on the wall, with a copper name tag underneath reading 'Augustine Chambers, age 7.' The child artist, no doubt. It was a well-painted work of art for a seven-year-old, Sirius thought; he hoped his child was as skilled as Miss Augustine Chambers was.
The thought made his stomach flip flop, and the aide gestured to a row of mahogany chairs.
"Have a seat, please."
"When can I see Allie?"
He ignored the aide's request for him to sit. The aide frowned and looked down at his clipboard, studying the paper. Sirius grew more impatient by the second.
"When can I see her?" Sirius repeated. "Or can you at least tell me what the bloody hell is going on?"
What came out of the aide's mouth next sounded like he was speaking in Swahili. Sirius blinked vacantly, and his mouth went dry; he didn't hear what he thought he had... right?
"Mr. Black," the aide said slowly, "did you hear what I said?"
"um...can you repeat that?" Sirius asked shakily.
The aide nodded and swallowed. "The Healer did all that she could, but the damage done was too extensive. We lost the baby."
Sirius suddenly wished he would've taken a seat to begin with. He fell backward into one of the mahogany chairs, feeling the color drain from his face. He was sure he would faint. The knot in his stomach wrenched tighter, the urge to scream and kick something was prevalent.
"It was a good thing you brought her when you did, Mr. Black, or we might have lost both mother and child."
"Can I see her?" Sirius whispered shakily. "Please let me see her."
"They have her sedated for her comfort," the aide explained, "they are delivering the baby at the moment,"
Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but the aide kept speaking.
"Once the procedure is finished, and her sedation potion wears off, we'll bring you back to see her. In the meantime, I do need some more information from you about Miss Murphy…"
"I gave you her history to the best of my knowledge," Sirius said impatiently.
"No, the history you gave is fine," the aide took a breath, then sat down, so there was one chair space between him and Sirius. "Do you remember Miss Murphy eating or drinking anything out of the ordinary in the last 48 hours?"
"No," Sirius said, furrowing his brow. "not that I can recall, why?"
"Well, we believe her miscarriage to be caused by an indeterminate poison, most likely something she ingested," the aide explained.
"That doesn't make any sense," Sirius said, shaking his head. "She hasn't eaten anything strange—"
Sirius felt his heart stop for a split second. An image of Allie sipping a glass of Purple Dragon Eater came to mind. Colleen had said that she thought Jack made them. The only reason Sirius had asked this was because he was worried Lenore would've slipped him another lust concoction. At the time, Sirius did not know that Jack was under Lenore's control with the imperius curse, nor did he ever consider that Lenore was out to poison Allie, as well.
"I've got some loose ends to tie up here," she'd told him.
Was removing her stash of evidence from behind the bar this loose end she was speaking of?
"Mr. Black?"
Sirius just realized he'd stopped mid-sentence, and the aide had watched him go through this entire revelation.
"She was poisoned," Sirius said frankly. "Come to think of it, I think she might've been poisoned by a co-worker of ours. This wouldn't have been the first time she slipped something into a drink."
"This was very helpful," the aide said, "we're required to report incidents like this, so a team of Aurors should be here shortly to take your statement."
It wasn't long before three Aurors arrived at St. Mungo's, ready to take Sirius's statement. He wasn't thrilled to be trapped in a small room with people that had the authority to restrain him and take him to prison. At least this time, he wasn't the target of their investigation.
Still, he would be lying if he said he enjoyed the three Auror's company. Two of the Aurors Sirius didn't recognize, and he assumed by how young they looked that they were new recruits. The one was a tall blonde female with a permanent scowl on her face. The other was a short, stocky, and had footsteps as heavy as lead. The one Auror he recognized triggered a slight panic reaction in Sirius, albeit he tried incredibly hard not to let that show. He'd never forget the tall, graying man with a chiseled jaw as sharp as a bowie knife. This was the Auror, Auror Payne, that dragged him off to Azkaban with no remorse just a few months prior.
"And what makes you think this 'Lenore Khoury' poisoned your girlfriend, hmm? What motive would she have?" Payne asked.
His tone was snarky as if he didn't believe Sirius's accusation. Payne had a chip on his shoulder this entire time, doing nothing to hide the apparent dislike he felt towards Sirius. Not that Sirius really cared how Payne felt about him, he didn't particularly care for him, either.
"Because she was pissed off at me?" Sirius snapped. "I don't know, you're the Auror, that's your job to figure out."
A knock at the door cut the tension in the room. Sirius spun his head around to see the Healer's aide standing in the doorway.
"I'm sorry to interrupt," The aide said, "Miss Murphy is asking for you, Mr. Black."
Thank Merlin, Sirius thought. He hoped he could be done with this god awful interview.
"Anything else I can help you with?" Sirius asked Payne contemptuously.
"No," Payne said, huffing in annoyance. "We'll be down to speak with Miss Murphy here momentarily."
Sirius followed the Healer's aide down a long dingy hallway to the maternity ward, where Allie's treatment room was the first door on the left. He stepped inside the room, looking at her with uncertainty. Her eyes were rimmed with red and swollen, her expression melancholy. She turned to look at him and began to cry. Sirius rushed to her side, sitting at the edge of the bed and kissing her forehead.
"I'm here, I'm here,"
"I lost our baby," she whimpered.
"No, no, it's not your fault, shhh, it's not your fault."
Allie choked down sobs as she clung to Sirius. The sounds coming from her were sounds he'd never heard a human make. They were cries of a mother, mourning the loss of a child, sounds that Sirius wished he'd never heard.
He'd known heartbreak, he'd known loneliness, and he'd known loss— but nothing could've prepared him for this. It seemed that everything he held dear kept slipping right through his fingers. He wasn't sure if he had much more to lose at this point— it seemed like the only thing he was good at in life was losing the ones he loved.
It was a good thing you brought her when you did, Mr. Black, or we might have lost both mother and child.
The aide's words echoed in his head as he held her close, stroking her hair and shushing her until her sobs reduced to sniffles. He forced himself to maintain composure, to muster up every last ounce of strength he had for her.
"The Auror's would like to speak with you," Sirius said softly, "are you alright with answering a few questions?"
"Aurors?"
Allie looked up at him as she blinked a few stray tears. Sirius opened his mouth to speak but then paused— did the Healer not tell her she was poisoned?
"What has the Healer told you?" Sirius asked, furrowing his brow.
Allie opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by Payne and his assistant Aurors entering the room.
"Allison Murphy?" Payne asked. "We need a statement from you."
"A statement?" Allie looked at Sirius with confusion. "I don't understand…"
It was a shame that the Healer didn't get a chance to inform Allie of the situation before she was in front of an audience. Having to tell her that she was poisoned, Sirius thinking it was Lenore, and the news that she was a Death Eater shattered Allie's entire world. She once again was reduced to a crying mess, clinging onto Sirius and struggling to answer Payne's questions coherently.
The entire interview felt more like an interrogation rather than an interview. Payne berated her with questions, showing irritation and impatience when Allie wasn't able to recall what he was asking her. His tone implied that he did not want to be here, that he did not think Allie was actually poisoned, and he was here on a nuisance case. He all but said the words, based on his body language and his overall demeanor.
"Is there anything you do remember, Miss Murphy?" Payne sighed.
"She told you everything she remembers," Sirius snapped. "Surely, between her and I's statement, you have everything you need."
Payne looked at Sirius with eyes of daggers before turning back to Allie. "You'll send us an owl if you can think of anything else?"
"Of course," Sirius answered for her, flatly. "You'll be the first to know."
As Payne left the room, the Healer entered, apologizing profusely for not breaking the news to Allie before the Aurors did.
"We asked him to wait," the Healer said. "But he went against our requests…"
"We're well acquainted with Auror Payne," Sirius said dryly. "We understand."
The day turned into a whirlwind. With the Healer and a team of medi-witches in and out of the room every ten minutes or so. Sirius really hadn't gotten the chance to process everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. He'd asked St. Mungo's to send an owl to Colleen, and she'd arrived within the hour. Sirius had met her in the hallway, informing her of the events of the previous night.
"... you're sure it was Lenore?" Colleen said, her voice thin and shaky.
"I am certain it was her," Sirius said. "It's the only thing that makes sense. Knowing she is a Death Eater now—"
He paused for a moment, swallowing down the sickening feeling that arose every time he thought about her.
"—it makes perfect sense."
Colleen's face went through a series of expressions before she spoke again.
"I hired her," she said softly. "I gave that woman a job and she—"
"She fooled us all," Sirius shrugged. "She played all of us like a fiddle."
It was another moment before Colleen spoke, "How is she?" she asked, gesturing with her head to Allie's room door.
"As expected," Sirius replied softly.
Allie burst into tears the moment her mother entered the room. Colleen hustled to her side, wrapping Allie in her arms and allowing her to sob into her chest without reserve. It was intriguing seeing the two of them appear so close, even after all the head butting they'd had over the last year. Parent/child relationships were something Sirius had a hard time understanding, mainly when the interactions differed from his own family growing up.
Sirius was sure his mother had hated him since he was about ten years old. He'd been old enough to start questioning the Black family's beliefs and acted out when he felt different from them. By the time he'd boarded the train for Hogwarts, he'd been slapped and beaten countless times for disobedience. When word got home that Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, over the family's legacy house Slytherin, it was the last nail in the coffin for him. His mother never forgave anything he did, and by extension, his father. Orion Black was so wrapped around Walburga's finger that Sirius was sure his father hated him too. The day he left home at 16, walking through the rain with all his belongings in his trunk to the Potter's, was the best and worst day of his life.
He never understood 'unconditional love' until Sirius had moved in with the Potter's. About a month after they had taken him in, Sirius and James nearly got themselves arrested by muggle policemen in a drunken stupor one night that summer. They'd used magic to evade them, resulting in letters from the Ministry of Magic stating an underage magic infraction, as well as a 'use of magic in the presence of a muggle' mark. They were lucky it was their first offense, which only resulted in a warning.
Mrs. Potter had been furious. Sirius had been expecting a good beating from Mr. Potter for his behavior by the way Mrs. Potter was hollering at the two of them. He was surprised at the way the Potter's were disciplined compared to his parents. His parents would've beaten him raw and locked him in his room for a few days without food. The Potter's instead gave their lecture expressing their disappointment and expected it not to happen again. Even stranger by Sirius's opinion, by dinnertime the following evening, it was as if all had returned to normal. As if the Potter's forgave them.
He'd caught Mrs. Potter alone in the kitchen, doing dishes when he brought up the incident. He expressed an apology and said he would pack his things and be gone this evening. Mrs. Potter laughed and pulled him into a hug, insisting he did not have to leave. Despite being disappointed in him and James's actions, she forgave him and trusted he'd make better choices in the future. He expressed his confusion, and Mrs. Potter told him the one thing he'd never forget.
"A mother's love is more powerful than anything else in this world," She'd said. "You haven't gotten to experience much of this in your life, and I'm sorry for that."
This was a hard concept to grasp, until today. It had been well known that Colleen didn't approve of Allie's choices over the last few years, but in this time of need, all was forgiven. Colleen cradled Allie to her, as if she were a little girl, shushing her as she cried. She comforted her, telling her the infant loss was not her fault, she shouldn't feel responsible, that it was all going to be ok one day.
"You've put too much pressure on yourself lately," Colleen said as she stroked Allie's hair "You're to quit serving, focus on school and your health."
"But I need to help you…" Allie insisted through a choked sob.
"No, sweetheart, you don't. You've been wonderful over the past few years, but it's time for you to take care of yourself, not me," Colleen said. "We will be fine, more than fine— the party was such a hit, and the Leaky Cauldron made so much that Tom gave me a raise. A big one."
"That's… wonderful," Sirius said hesitantly.
Colleen gave him a sad smile. "I can't help but feel this raise came at a hefty price."
As much as Sirius knew that none of this was Colleen's fault, he couldn't help but feel resentment. He wondered if Lenore had staged the whole party solely to go after him and Allie, or if they were just victims of circumstance. Either way, it didn't change the fact that she'd negatively altered the course of Allie and Sirius's lives forever.

After the death of a loved one, there is unexplained tranquility that seems somewhat out of place. The air feels lighter, not in a jovial happy-go-lucky kind of way, but in the absence of… something.
Sirius recalled this feeling after Fleamont and Euphemia Potter had passed away from Dragon Pox. They had been ill for three weeks, quarantined inside their home until they both passed within 6 hours of each other. He recalled the day quite well, spent at James's side, lending him a supportive shoulder to cry on, figuratively speaking. James hadn't cried that day. Instead, he was silent, with a morose look on his face and a desperate desire to avoid anyone that wanted to give him their condolences.
Sirius remembered noticing how the air felt around him that day. It was light, empty, and oddly peaceful. Their deaths had not been expected, despite their older age, so Sirius wouldn't have anticipated feeling 'tranquil' over the Potter's death.
The same feeling was noticed after James and Lily's deaths, only for an hour or so until Sirius confronted Peter about his disloyalty. He remembered thinking the lightness in the atmosphere around him was strange— his best friends had been brutally murdered. The air should feel heavy, thick, and dark. The feeling that he didn't know would be the way to describe the atmosphere inside Azkaban prison.
Walking into 12 Grimmauld Place for the first time since receiving the news of their son's passing, Sirius noticed this same delicate airiness to the house around him. He was strangely aware of the dust floating in the air as illuminated by sunlight, and Allie's firm grip on his bicep to hold herself up as they crossed the threshold. The house was quiet— uncomfortably quiet.
Allie's eyes were swollen and rimmed with red from the frequent bouts of crying she'd had over the last three days. Sirius had wanted to break down, to let all his emotions out, and drain his grief, but he needed to be tough for Allie.
"You want a cuppa?" He asked gently, removing her cloak from her shoulders. "I can put the kettle on."
"No," Allie shook her head. "Thank you, but I think I need to lie down for a few."
"Alright," Sirius said, kissing her forehead. "Just let me know if you change your mind."
He watched as Allie retreated up the stairs, footsteps barely making any noise on the step tread. Sirius made his way into the drawing-room, plucking a bottle of his favorite scotch from the bar hutch and poured himself a glass. He downed it in one gulp, smacking his tongue and sighing as his throat burned. Pausing for a moment, he wondered how many drinks it would take to make him forget his sorrows. He reckoned the number would be high, so he didn't waste time and poured himself another glass.
The knot of anxiety in his chest would not disappear, no matter how much scotch he knocked back. He loathed the tennis-ball-sized pit of grief that made simply existing an uncomfortable task. He was beginning to grow anxious about being anxious. He was frustrated that despite the scotch warming his belly, it wasn't enough to make him forget.
He sat down on the couch, looking around the room at the Black family tapestry, the last remnants of the home's history left. Looking at the generations of pureblood wizards encircling the room, a few here and there blasted off by his mother, the tennis-ball-sized knot in his chest doubled. Sirius frowned, maybe he'd just wallpaper over the family tapestry since he wasn't able to remove it.
After his umpteenth glass of scotch, Sirius determined he needed a distraction that alcohol just couldn't give him right now. He needed a sense of normalcy to drown out this unnatural, eerie tranquility that the home seemed to have. He drew his wand and sent a Patronus off to Remus, letting him know that he and Allie had arrived home. Surely, Remus would stop by and have a drink with him.
Within the hour, Molly came barging into 12 Grimmauld Place with a few casseroles, bearing her condolences with big bear hugs and an 'I'll fix it' attitude.
"Remus told me you were home, so I told the rest of the Order to come by and see you two," Molly said, thrusting one of the casseroles in his hands.
"Uh—"
Sirius could hardly get a 'thank you, but no thank you' out of his mouth before Fleur and Bill arrived, casseroles in hand as well.
"Sirius!" Fleur cried in her throaty French accent. "Where iz Allie? I was terribly sorry to hear zee news…"
He wanted a distraction, looks like he was going to get one. He took a breath, then forced a polite smile.
"She's lying down for a moment," he said. "She'll be along."
Bill gave Sirius an apologetic look and reached out to shake his hand. Sirius fumbled with the casserole dish Molly had given him to free up his right hand.
"I wish there was something we could say…" Bill said, shaking Sirius's hand with impressive strength.
"It's alright," Sirius said, trying not to wince at Bill's iron grip. He turned his head slightly to address Molly, Fleur, and now a few other members of the Order trickling in the front door. "uh, would anyone like a cuppa?"
"I'll get it, Sirius," Molly said dismissively. "Don't you worry about a thing. Oh, Arthur said he will be along after work for supper— I'm going to make meatballs."
The number of guests arriving was overwhelming, but Sirius was glad they were there. The few minutes of small talk with the other members of the Order helped him ignore the knot of anxiety balled up in his chest.
Allie, on the other hand, refused to even leave the bedroom.
"Allie, they're all here to support us," Sirius insisted. "You love Molly's meatballs…"
"I don't want to be on display," she muttered,
She laid on her side on the bed, hugging a pillow tightly. Sirius knelt in front of her, placing a kiss on her exposed arm.
"You're not on display," he said gently. "They just want to offer their condolences."
"I don't want them," She said softly but with a sharp tone. "I don't want their condolences, I don't want their pity. I just want to be alone."
"Allie…"
"Please go, Sirius," Allie said, blinking a few tears away. "I want to be alone."
Sirius observed her for a moment before nodding. "Alright, I'll save you some dinner for later."
He left the room, but not before turning back to look at her one last time. She would not look at him. Instead, she stared off at an unknown fixed point in front of her, clutching her pillow as tight as she could.
Sirius returned alone to the kitchen, taking a seat next to Tonks at the long dinner table. He was happy that not many realized he'd returned— maybe he was more on display to the Order than he realized.
"How's she doing?" Tonks asked quietly.
Sirius let out the breath he didn't know he was holding.
"As to be expected," he said, "We think she was poisoned."
"What?" Tonks said, a little too loud.
At this point, they hadn't told anyone (except Colleen and the Auror's) that Allie was poisoned. A few others around them paused their conversation to look at Tonks, but she waved them off. They returned to their conversation, all except Remus across the table from them.
"You think her miscarriage was caused by that?" Remus asked, leaning in so that Arthur next to him did not hear. "Do you think it was Lenore?"
Sirius nodded, "I think the Purple Dragon Eater drink was spiked with something. Jack was also under the imperius curse, so he could've slipped something in under her orders."
"Why would Lenore want to kill your child?" Tonks asked, "No offense, but your baby wasn't the next chosen one."
"I think it was personal," Sirius said, "Lenore said something to me though that doesn't align with that, however. She said they don't kill unless Voldemort requires it. She had me by the bollocks and could have killed me easily if he wanted me dead, but did not. Yet she poisons Allie?"
"I'm sure she's talking about pure magical blood," Tonks said, "we know his stance is pro-muggle-killing for sport."
"Both Allie and Sirius are pureblood; therefore, their bloodline would be pure," Remus interjected, speaking to Tonks. "Blood traitors or not, he wouldn't target them just for fun."
"As pure as we know of," Sirius said. "Murphy isn't on the list of the Sacred 28, but as far as she knows, all her relatives are magical."
"All of us in the Order of the Phoenix have a target on our back," Tonks said. "Maybe the answer isn't why Voldemort would allow Allie to be killed, but rather why he wouldn't allow you—" Tonks gestured with her fork at Sirius. "— to be killed."
Sirius leaned back in his seat as the gears of his mind started to turn. Tonks had a point— when Molly was attacked a few weeks ago, they were aiming to kill. Lenore had him stunned on his back, wide open to take a kill shot, but didn't.
What was it that made keeping him alive so damn important?

Chapter Summary:
Sirius takes Allie to St. Mungo's, where he learns that Allie's illness was caused by poisoning. After recalling the events of the night before, Sirius believes Lenore slipped poison into Allie's virgin cocktail, resulting in the loss of the baby. Had they waited to go to St. Mungo's, the Healer believes it would've killed Allie as well.
Both Sirius and Allie are distraught, and Sirius feels the need to put on a brave face for her. Colleen comes to St. Mungo's to see them, informing them that the Halloween Masquerade was a huge hit, and she obtained a large raise. She is beside herself to hear Sirius's theory that Lenore was the one responsible for the poisoning, and feels guilty that she even hired her in the first place. Colleen insists for Allie to take time away from the Leaky Cauldron so that she can focus on herself and her schooling.
A few days later, Allie and Sirius return home, and the entire Order of the Phoenix comes to give condolences, sympathy casseroles, and keep them company. Allie refuses to leave the bedroom, insisting she doesn't want condolences or pity, and that she just wants to be alone. Sirius, Tonks, and Remus discuss the poisoning and what happened, Sirius expressing confusion as to why Lenore claimed she couldn't kill him during their duel (because Voldemort didn't order it), yet poisons Allie to kill her and their child. Tonks suggests that maybe the reason isn't why Voldemort wanted Allie dead, but why he wanted Sirius alive. Sirius wonders what made him so important for Voldemort to want him alive.
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Hold on Tight