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Making sure the boy who lives, actually does...	By : h0lden Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 9115 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 22: The Great Greasy Bat and the Bushy Haired Annoyance...

"How dare you." Snape hissed, letting his dark eyes swallow the frail looking girl on the chair, as she looked to him in frightened silence. "How dare you mess about with my past?"

He was furious. No. That didn't even grace the tip of what Snape was now. Hermione was sure livid and enraged didn't even come close to what he was feeling. In fact. Hermione wt evt even sure there was a word in the English or Wizarding dictionary that could accurately describe the intense and overwhelming anger Snape felt at the moment.

They were back in his office, his door soundly shut and he himself pacing around his desk at a mad pace, his face paled with fury. His dark hair hung heavily on the sides of his face, his hands clasped behind him studiously as if he were admiring a painting in a museum. His lips were so thinned; he seemed to have no lips at all. Just a long, thin, straight line of ultimate fury.

He was so engulfed in this, that he couldn't even think straight. His vision was tinged with red, and he felt that if he didn't h soh something into oblivion soon, he would die of asphyxiation as he could barely breathe.

He'd come in too late. Too late to stop her from doing ultimately, the stupidest thing he could ever conceive a student doing. Hermione Granger of all people! Sex with him! He hadn't needed to see the whole escapade, for her silent sobs at the chair to his left, and the telltale look in her eyes spelled everything out. Not only that, he'd come in to see her half naked, and his younger form getting dressed.

He'd taken something from her, and she had him. He felt cheated somehow. As if he had something precious stolen, and would never hope to garner it back in his possession. He wondered a moment if he was jealous of his younger ? He? He could never appeal to Granger as an intellectual adult, but had in his youth? Was he really jealous over a slip of a gi
N
No.

It wasn't even a memory now, since he'd obliviated his younger self so soon after the occurrence. Everything tonight would go as planned in the past. Everything was as it should be...almost.

He looked over to the chair where Granger sat, her posture slumped in dejection. Her dark eyes fallen shut in silent misery as tell tale tears slipped down her cheeks, only to be hurriedly brushed off by her shaking hand. She was petrified of him, of his power and what he may do. Her voice was soft, a whisper barely heard.

"I'm sorry Professor."

She knew her apology was futile. And she knew that he could never forgive her for what she'd done. Shd tad tainted his past somehow. Whether he remembered it or not, she had damaged him...and herself.

She let her eyes look up at him underneath her fringe, his dark eyes downcast in inner anger. She felt the tears welling up, clouding and blurry her vision of him.

"...So sorry."

She had to cover her face with her hands then, her head slumping forward in disgust in her actions. She'd been nothing but some, trashy tart desperate for male attention. Snape was silent, watching as the young girl sobbed on the chair across from his large desk, looking so lost. Still his anger boiled.

"I suppose you should have thought of the consequences," Snape lingered, wng hng his voice to be as cutting as he'd intended. "Before you did such an idiotic and shameful thing."

At these words Hermione looked to her hands, the blush that had started on her cheeks now swam across her features, her heart sinking with every passing moment she wasn't in his arms. With every cutting remark she felt her loving hold on him slipping, as if he were cutting the invisible string that connected them together.

She wrapped her arms around herself, trying old old in the overflow of pain that was coursing through her. She knew at this moment that she was to be divided from the one man she loved for eternity, because of some stupid mistake she'd done under the guise of love.

"Foolish girl."

Snape fell silent once more, regarding her with speculation as she sat there, rocking back and forth slowly on his chair. She seemed true. She seemed honest. She seemed tormented as he. But still, she infuriated him. His thoughts he knew, from this day forward would be ones of her; he would never stop thinking about her. She was yet one more torment he would suffer from.

He let himself step closer to her, trying to see things from her side. She was young, in love and sorry. She knew she'd done wrong, and she seemed certain he couldn't forgive her. She watched his frame drawing closer, and for a horrible moment Hermione thought Snape was going to slap her, even though she felt she deserved it.

Instead he moved to bring a chair in front of her a few feet. He sat himself down in it steadily, his body moving with fluid grace. She gazed at his expressionless face a moment, knowing that they had much to talk about. Suddenly her heart sped up, her imploring eyes searching his.

"Professor," She said almost breathlessly, taking him by surprise as she spoke. "What of the potion? Were you able to retrieve a sample?"

"Yes." Snape said in a whisper, not offering any more information. This feeling he had when around Hermione Granger was a strange one. It wasn't the same unease he had around others. He idly wondered what he'd missed over all her years here at the school. Obviously they'd been thrown together on moccaoccasions, most notably the Shrieking Shack when she'd helped knock him out.

But when he talked to her it was familiar, and he wondered if it hadays ays been like this and he'd overlooked it. Or, was it due to her tampering in the past? This would forever torment him.

"How did you find me?" Hermione finally muttered, a question to fill the empty spaces between them as he stared at her, the only sound in the room being that of the fireplace. "How did you know we were in the Astronomy Tower?"

"It's where I often went to think."

"Oh."

Hermione let her eyes fall on his hands, their finely sculpted excellence. She had a flash of watching him in the classroom the first time. The intensity in his gaze. The roughness of their passion, and the tenderness of their tentative feelings. Never again would that voice pass through the lips she would never truly kiss.

Her chest grew tight once more, and her eyes seemed to be perpetually wetting and overflowing. The memories she'd had of Severus were never real. He'd fallen in love with an image. He didn't know of her occasional foul ups in spells, or the horrid way her teeth had looked in fourth year, or the way she whined and bossed Harry and Ron about.

But Snape knew. He knew her more than his younger self could ever hope to.

And with this onslaught of realization, it was no wonder that she started crying softly to herself once more, as Snape watched on, not prepared for what she was about to say next.

"I never meant to fall in love with you Professor."

She choked out, not realizing the powerful words she'd said. It struck a strange chord with Snape, who now seemed utterly perplexed as he stood glaring down at her. Not that Hermione could see, for she'd buried her face in her hands disparagingly.

"Love?" Snape mocked lightly, his heart doing strange skips as he stared at her uneasily. What was she doing to him? Hadn't he been furious? He was angry with himself for being so weak.

"What do you know of love Miss Granger? Why, you've not even been on this earth twenty years."

Hermione looked up at him in confusion, her dark eyes blurry and her face tearstained. "What does age have to do with it?"

Her vision became blurry again, his dark eyes melting and shimmering in her eyes. He was like a strange inkblot in her vision, and she continued her thoughts unguarded.

"Love is love. There are no rules for it, it just happens..." She hesitated a moment before meeting his eyes and reluctantly adding, "Sometimes even when you don't want it to...as I've discovered."

Snape, whom had had his hands curled around the end of the arms on his chair, gave the wood under his grasp a mighty squeeze. So tightly in fact, that his knuckles were a yellowish tinge in comparison to his pale hand's complexion. His teeth were ground so tightly together that his temple throbbed and his jaw was sore.

Her words were pulling at him. She was more powerful than she knew. Already he was picking up on her emotions, and he needn't read her mind to decipher whether she was telling the truth or not. It was all there in her eyes.

Slowly he moved about in his chair, and then straightened up, finding the seating arrangements to be less wise than he thought. With her this close it was impossible to think.

With a grumble of irritability he stood, moving to where his desk sat a bit away. Now a few more feet away from the girl his head was clouding, and he could slow the rapid beat of his heart.

Slowly his voice came to him, grumbling and low and irritated. Hermione wondered if he intentionally sounded like that, or it was merely the tone and timber of his voice.

"And so in this grand adventure Miss Granger," Snape bit off sarcastically, his dark eyes giving wa his his questioning. "What else did you discover?"

Hermione took a deep intake of breath, refusing to let herself look at him. This was hard enough without having his piercing gaze on her the entire time, for she was certain he would never look away. She didn't know whether to admire or detest that, but knew that it was singularly Snape.

How could she describe what she'd discovered? That sex wasn't half as fun and pleasurable as other's described it? That he smelled delicious? That when he wasn't being an utter prat, she adored him? That he was kind when he wanted to be? That she couldn't imagine spending another day without him there beside her?

Nothing seemed to fit and so she said what she could, trying to steady the tremor in her voice that always seemed to arise when in his company.

"I've discovered that you're even more complex than I ever imagined." Hermione said softly, her stomach flipping. "And that under all your cloak swirling and sharp tongue...you want to be as loved just as much as I." she paused a moment, "And while I've always been uncertain of particular things I've done in my life, the only thing I'm certain of...is that I need you."

Oh God. Hermione thought wincing as the words were spoken aloud. I've gone overboard this time. He's going yell at me for being so stupid. Then he's going to expel me...and then my heartbreak will be complete as I'm shipped off back to London with not so much as a goodbye. Away from him forever.

Snape's eyes lowered to the ground, and felt as his eyes began to wet ever so slightly and before he knew what he was doing, he'd brought a hand to his eyes, shielding them from the girl across from him.

It was then in that singular motion that Hermione believed he understood. In that one moment she was certain that he could break down the guards so visible behind his eyes, that he could tell her how he felt...surely he felt something? It was there in his eyes, in his movements...did he truly feel nothing?

Mortified at his actions, Snape whipped down his hand from his eyes, blinking rapidly a moment before looking defiantly to the young woman who looked at him so tenderly unsure. He was angry at her bringing him to such a state. Imagine, almost crying in front of an annoying little wretch.

Suddenly he needed her out of the office. Away from him this instant. He felt himself unraveling at an alarming rate, and needed to be free of her imploringe ane and passionate words.

"Well." Snape said standing, his back rigid and his eyes focused on something on the horizon. "Since the feelings are most certainly not mutual Miss Granger, I believe this insanity must end here."

Hermione said nothing as she listened to him, her body numb all over from the inner pain and despair. Her breath was coming out in short, soft gasps, her eyes burning with unshed tears.

"You will serve detention with Filtch until the end of this school year. The house points you will lose are immeasurable, and if I ever catch you in my thoughts or memories again, Miss Granger...." Snape trailed off, refusing to go any further for she knew what he meant.

Detention? House points? Hermione's heart skipped a fervent beat as she looked into the face of Snape, his eyes guarded as he stared back.

"Does that mean..." Hermione replied tentatively, not wanting to set him off as she continued. "You're not going to have me expelled?"

Snape took a deep breath, not wanting to seem as if he were doing it out of compassion or love. He needed to make her see he felt...he felt nothing for her. Foolish heart, he thought with a grimace, Always guiding when the head should be. He refused to be tricked by anyone, least of all his emotions.

"What good would come of it?" Snape said breezily, his dark eyes flickering over her face, reminding her of a candle's movements as he tore them from her face once more. "A waste of a good mind."

Oh please. Hermione internally bd, hd, her eyes burning as she studied his neutral face.Please don't do this to me Severus...I can't go on knowing that you never really felt something for me.

But she said nothing. At his platonic comment, Snape crossed his arms over his chest, looking to the side and at the door that lead into the corridors of the school. "You may leave niss iss Granger."

Hermione obeyed, finding that she couldn't even answer him. With one mere word she would completely fall apart. Her mind searched for a reason to stay, for just one hint as to why he needed her.

"What of Harry's potion?" Hermione suddenly inquired feebly, her heart holding out for just one hint of uncertainty in his voice. Just one smidge of indecision. She wanted him, she needed him. Did he really feel nothing?

"I will brew it myself." Snape said stonily, solidifying Hermione's notions that he felt nothing for her. Never. As she prepared to move to the door she wondered just what she needed to do to break him from his preconceived ideas that he felt nothing for her. What had she done with Severus that had been so different?

A kiss! Perhaps he just needed a kiss? A little one. At this Hermione's pulse raced, her heart beating excitedly. That's all he needed. Just one reminder from his past! Her heart soared at the possibility, but her reason kept her from shouting it aloud.

"Professor?" Hermione implored softly as she turned to face him, feeling that if she'd come this far there was no going back. Her stomach knotted as she spoke, making it even harder to breathe.

"May I please...please..." Hermione stuttered, finding the words so much harder to out out loud than in her head.

"Professor, may I please have one last kiss?"

Snape seemed genuinely surprised at this comment, so much that his crossed arms dropped to his sides. They were silent, and unmoving a moment, their eyes locking in mutual thought. Hermione wished he woulad had her mind, and see that her intentions were true. See and feel that she needed him. That she believed what they had was worth fighting for.

Instead his gaze dropped to the floor, his head still held high. In that motion Hermione's stomach fell as well, allowing for her lids to follow suit as new tears began at the corner of her eyes before he even spoke.

"No, Miss Granger." Snape said softly, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. "I don't believe that would be wise."

Hermione merely nodded, her eyes still closed. She took a short moment to compose herself, and smooth down her skirt before taking a deep breath of control. She was not going to let him see her cry anymore.

She walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind her as Snape watched in silence. Hermione walked slowly back to Gryffindor Tower, her steps unsteady.

She had been going to tell Snape farewell, in a meaning that meant far longer than just tonight. She had been going to say it composed, to show that he hadn't hurt he as much as he believed. She thought she was going to do many things when he rejected her that night, but try as she might she couldn't speak.

She came to the rapt conclusion that this was what happened when one's heart got broken.

____________________________________

Author's notes: So it's not a cliffhanger, but I doubt any of you are happy.

I know this was a fairly boring and short chapter with not much action but A LOT out in the open. He knows how she feels, but she's still uncertain. I ally lly found myself choking up (*eyeroll at own blatant wussyness*) as I wrote the part with Snape shielding his eyes from Hermione. I don't know why...I guess I never write Snape getting that choked up in front of people...who knows...perhaps I'm just tired and overly girly. Thank you for all the remarkable reviews and occasional *coughconstantcough* e-mails kindly *coughinsistingcough* suggesting that I update, *grin* cheers. holden.

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Making sure the boy who lives, actually does...