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Both Sides	By : ccino49 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 10429 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 20
- 21
- 22
I do not own any of the characters or places from the Harry Potter books or films. They all belong to J.K. Rowling. All that is mine is Lou and the plot. I am not making any money from the writing of this story.

Both Sides.

CH 21 Flying high

Lou heard someone knocking on her door but chose to ignore it. It wouldn�t be anything good, that was for certain.

The knocking came again, louder this time.

�Go away, I�m not here.� She shouted.
�Clearly you are, or you would not have answered. Open the door.�
�No. You go away, I don�t want to see you.�
�You have been trying to see me all week, well here I am, I hope you are dressed because I am coming in.�
�No.� She shouted as he pushed the door open. Lou never locked her door because no one ever came to her room apart from Moon. �Go away, I don�t want to see you.�

�Really, well too bad.� He told her, taking the seat opposite hers. �I have just spoken to Remus.�
�That�s nice for you, someone to talk to. Wow.�
�Do not be facetious, you know why I am here.�

�Yeah, you probably found out what happened the other day and now you feel guilty because when I came to you for help, you threw me out. Oh, but of course, I saw something I shouldn�t have seen didn�t I, I�m good at that. Well I didn�t walk in on you on purpose, I just got confused about the rooms. Now your in my room, what�s your excuse? Oh but of course you don�t need one do you. It�s only Lou, lets ignore her, tell her to get lost, push her away, she doesn�t matter. Well I do matter. I matter to me. Okay I saw your blasted scars, so what!�
�THAT IS ENOUGH!� He bellowed, rising from his chair. �I am sorry I was not there for you when I should have been. You took me by surprise and all I saw was pity. Well I do not need it, do you hear me, I do not need it.� He roared.
�Pity, you think it was pity? No Professor Snape.� She spat. �It wasn�t pity, it was compassion, understanding. At least that was it was meant to be. You think you�re the only one, well your not.�
�You don�t know what you are talking about you foolish girl.�
Lou was past caring. She was angry, angry enough that her whole being glowed. Angry enough that she turned her back on him, grabbed the hem of her robe and lifted it, pulling the robe over her head and throwing on the floor. Now she stood in her bra and knickers before he even realised what she was doing.
�You stupid girl. What do you think you are ��
Then he saw them. From shoulder to shoulder, scars, scars such as he himself bore, scars she should not have had.

�Lou.� he croaked.
�Yeah. Lou. Well guess what? There�s more where that came from.� She told him, turning to face him. Lou reached behind her and unfastened her bra, letting it drop to the floor. �Take a good look Professor, tell me again that I don�t know what I�m talking about. Tell me what an attractive body I have.�
He stared at her aghast for a moment before his eyes moved to her breasts. He could not help it as they strayed down.

�Oh Gods.� he gasped. �Who did that to you?�
�It doesn�t matter who, what matters is I live with this every day, just as you live with yours. I hate mirrors, or hadn�t you noticed? Did you never wonder why?�

He just stared, open mouthed at the words carved into her breasts.
�I was eight and a half, I didn�t say my prayers right. It was late and I was tired and couldn�t remember what I was supposed to say. He kept telling me I was a �child of the devil�, only Satan�s spawn would not remember her prayers. So he gave me a permanent reminder. Pretty , isn�t it?�

�Now whenever I look down at myself, I�m reminded of exactly who I am. It says it right here. �Satan�s Spawn�. My personal ugly little reminder. It was several years before I found out he�d been sent away for what he did to me, no one bothered to tell me. They took photo�s, lots of photo�s. I stayed in hospital for a while, they put me to sleep and did things to try and cover the scars. It didn�t work, as you can see, they managed to prolong the pain though.�
Lou turned, retrieved her bra and redressed. �As far as the other little problem, Harry and the others, they think your giving me extra tuition, sex education. �Giving me one� I think Ron said. He doesn�t even realise you can hardly stand me touching you, no one will ever want to, not when they see this. So go back to whatever it is you do all day and leave me alone, I don�t need you, I don�t need anyone okay.�

She turned and walked to the bedroom, closing the door and ramming a chair under the handle. Lou flung herself onto the bed and cried, her face buried in the pillows.
Severus stood for what seemed an eternity as he tried to absorb what she�d shown him, what she must have suffered.

�She was a child for Merlin�s sake.� He cried out, pulling at his hair in anguish. �An eight year old child.�
He spun and stared at the door to her bedroom, she was in there, probably crying, and he�d made her cry. After all she�d been through, he�d just made things ten times worse because he was annoyed that she saw his own paltry lash marks, because that was what they were to him now, paltry, trifling, insignificant nothings.
He stood at her door, his head resting against it. �Lou, let me in.�
�Lou, open the door, I was wrong and I am sorry. You were right, I did come up here because I felt guilty, I still do, but more than that Lou, I care about what happened to you, I want to help you, I want to make you feel good about yourself again. You are a beautiful young girl, I do not want you to feel ashamed of your body, as I have felt about mine. I care too much to let you go through this alone. Lou, let me talk to you face to face.�

Lou heard him, every word cutting through her like a knife. She so wanted to believe him, believe that he cared, that he wanted to help her. She didn�t know what to do, if she ignored him he might go away and never come back. If she let him into her heart, let herself think he truly cared about her, he might hurt her even more. That scared her more than anything in the world.

She�d spent so long pushing away feelings she felt she had no right to have. Forced herself to be independent, not to need anyone, not to want, not to feel. Now she was a whirl of emotions and she didn�t know how to handle them, what to do with them.

Lou had no idea how she should feel at this moment. In the short time she�d known him, he�d hurt her, impressed her, made her laugh and made her angry, infuriated her and embarrassed her, frightened and made her feel good about herself, he�d made her feel insecure, and safe.
So should she let him in, or push him away?
�Lou, believe me, I am sorry. Let me help you Lou.�
She ran to the door, tossed the chair to one side and opened the it. She stood, arms by her side, looking up at the one person who could make or break her at this moment.
When the door opened, Severus saw a beautiful, vulnerable, lost little girl, no, young woman, who had no one to turn to, no one to care about her, he want to be the one to show her differently. He wanted to be the one to show her it was alright to feel, to care, to let someone care for her, that she was wanted.

He said nothing and simply held out his arms to her.
She hesitated only a second before she flung herself at him and clung to him as though her life depended on it. In many ways it did, if Severus chose to push her away at that moment, he would have broken her completely. She was giving him her complete trust and he had no intention of betraying that trust. Not now, not ever.
He walked her back to the sitting room and sat beside her on the sofa. They didn�t speak, they just sat, he held onto her and she to him until she cried herself out and started to hiccough.
�Lou, I want to ask you something.� He said softly.
�What?�
�I would like you to let me see. If you say no, I will not ask you again, but allow to do so this one time, trust me enough to let me understand fully Lou. Show me your life.�
She lifted her eyes to his, searching, looking for that one spark of true kindness that she had looked for her whole life. And she found it, she found it in abundance when he looked right back at her, openly, honestly, freely.
�Alright.� She told him, her voice husky through crying so much. �What do I have to do?�

�Just open your mind to me, do not resist, I shall do the rest.�
�An �and you wont hurt me?�

�Never.� He said in a soft, deep voice.
He helped her to sit up and told her to keep eye contact with him. Removing his wand he pointed it at her and said �Legillimens.�

Severus saw Lou at around three, she was in a room with several other her age. They were playing and shouting.
She was a bit older now. A couple, he assumed they were her first foster parents, came to take her home with them. She seemed quite happy with them. The he saw her sitting on a sofa, she looked to be about six. She had a coat on and a bag beside her. A woman walked in with an infant and the couple crooned over it. Then another woman came and led Lou from the house, the child was confused. Where were they taking her, she wanted to see the new baby and her mummy and daddy wouldn�t wave to her when the lady put her in a car and drove away.
She was in a room with others her own age again. But she didn�t play with them, she kept asking when mummy was coming for her.
She was eight. She was taken to a nice house and left with a couple who also seemed very nice. There were other children there too, older than Lou. She was kneeling on the floor. The man was shouting at her as she held her hands together, saying her prayers. He shouted some more, then he produced what looked like a signal whip. He must have told her to take her jumper off because she did, then he brought the whip down across her shoulders twice.

Severus saw this happen several more times. Again she was praying, he was shouting again, he hauled her to her feet and dragged her to a doorway, he placed her fingers round the doorframe and slammed the door hard. Then she was praying again, trembling as he hovered over her. He pushed her onto her back and taped her arms and legs together and then put a piece of tape over her mouth. Her eyes, wide with terror, grew wider when he produced a small knife and began carving those hideous words into her flesh. He sat on her to stop her struggling so much, but thankfully she passed out after the second letter.

She woke up in her bed, her chest bandaged and rolled out of bed, she dressed, grabbed her satchel and crept downstairs. Severus could see the pain etched on her face. Then hospital, nurses and doctors.
Then another house, another couple. Perfect in every way apart from one thing, Lou saw him beating his wife once, then again. The second time she�d seen, he put Lou over his knee, pulled up her skirt and thrashed her many times with the same hairbrush he�d used on his wife. Then he turned her over and did the same to her stomach. It seemed he did this several times, her buttocks and stomach black and blue before she ran away.
The final house. He believed she said they were named Collins. The parents seemed fine, the older kids were quite mean to her but she coped. Then she was on her own with the father, He beckoned her over and she went. He started touching her and trying to force her hand to the obvious bulge in his trousers. She resisted and he pinned her down on the floor and laid on top of her, he put his hand between her legs and forced her own hand to his bulge. Lou bit him and when he jumped back in pain she ran upstairs. She snuck out later.
She was caught by what appeared to be a muggle policeman and was taken into care again. She ran away shortly after.
She lived rough and hid herself, dressing like a boy to attract less attention. She knocked on doors, offering to work for a small amount of money or a meal.

She found the empty house at Spinners End and cleaned it up, scrubbing everything with an old brush she�d found, searching back alleys for odd bits of furniture and dragging it back to the house.

She started work and seemed quite happy until Severus came bursting through the door and threw her out. He saw her sneak in the back way.

She opened the front door a crack, saw the Deatheaters, saw himself go down just before Lou flew out and landed on Malfoy, then McNair, followed by Goyle.
He jumped forward to her standing outside Potters room. He couldn�t hear what they said, but he saw her face, saw the tears.
Lupin told him what he�d heard, what Lou heard. Starting when Lupin placed a hand on her shoulder, running upstairs half blind with tears and running in on him half dressed. The next few days, trying to get him to listen to her, watching him walk away each time. Following the trio and Ginny, hoping they would talk to her. Then it was now, and he pulled out and grabbed her before she toppled.
�Lou. Lou are you alright?�

�I think so. I didn�t know I had to see it all again too.�
�I should have warned you, I am sorry.� He called Moon and ordered her a hot chocolate, plus a brandy for himself.

�Drink this.� he told her, passing her the chocolate. He nursed his brandy as she drank.
�Now what happens?� Lou asked.
�With what?�

�Us. Now you�ve seen everything, know everything. You�ve seen what I look like, what I am. I �I know it not pretty, where do we go from here, do I leave?�
�We start again, you wanted a friend Lou, you have one, regardless of what other might think. The man who �marked you, do you know where he lives?�

�He�s in prison. I didn�t find out for a long time, but he got put away for what he did to me.�

�The Smythe�s and Collins�, what about them?�

�Just forget it, I was unlucky, I got the worst. Other kids have been fine, not all foster parents are like that. They�ll get theirs one day, the Smythe�s and the Collins�. I understand why you got upset when I saw your stripes you know, I�ve hidden mine for ages. Who did yours? Did you have foster parents too?�
�No. It was the Dark Lord.�

�Yeesh. Why?�

�That is another story, not one I am willing to discuss with you. Now, about the Griffindor groupies downstairs, Lupin told me what happened, he has spoken to them but they still persist in these notions I take it?�

�Seems like it, but I don�t care anymore, I don�t need them. Let them think what they like, I just hope I don�t get put in the same house as them when I start school. I wanna be in your house, Slytherin isn�t it?�

�It is, but I sincerely hope you are not sorted into Slytherin.� He saw her face drop and he sighed. �Lou, many of my Slytherin students are children of Deatheaters. Now I am not saying that they are like their parents, on the whole they have a raw deal simply because of who their parents are, but they have a very different outlook on life to most other students. I think you would find them difficult to deal with.�

�Were you a Slytherin?� He nodded. �Well you�re not so bad, most of the time. What about the other two houses?�
�Ravenclaw, I think you would be well placed there, and Hufflepuff. Occasionally the sorting hat can be persuaded to admit you to the house of your choice. I suggest you request Ravenclaw, you are above average intelligence, a requirement of that particular house. It would give you the challenges you need. When it is your turn to be sorted, keep thinking of the house you wish to be in.�
�What about the other one, Pufflehuff?�
�Hufflepuff.� He chuckled. �No, no. Not suitable for you at all. Ravenclaw.�

�Okay, Ravenclaw it is, if the hat lets me. Severus? The others were in the back garden today.�

�And?�

�I can�t go out, because of the cuff. It�s a lovely day and I have to stay inside all the time. I don�t suppose �?�

�You can enter the garden with the cuff in place. There is no exit from there, the whole area is surrounded with the same wards as the house.�

�So I�ve been stuck inside when I could have gone out there? Why didn�t you tell me?�
�Had I been aware that you wished to make use of the garden, I would have done. Meanwhile, how would you like another flying lesson?�
�I�d love one, but �you know they�ll talk about us.�
�You said you did not care what they thought.�

�I don�t, I just thought you might.�

�I do not.� Severus went to his rooms to collect the brooms and Lou grabbed her cloak and met him in the corridor.
Once downstairs, they went to the kitchen to tell Remus they were going to Hogwarts and why, much to the amazement of four Griffindors who just happened to be in there at the time.
Lou gave them a gloating look when they complained to Remus, wanting to know why they were not invited.
Remus told them they did not deserve such favours and left the room, giving Lou a wink as he passed.
She tried to ignore the scowls she received from Ron, Ginny and Harry. Hermione hadn�t asked to go as she hated flying anyway.
Ten minutes later and Lou was watching Severus mount his broom to give her a wonderful display of his flying skills.
She was excited and hopped about on one foot as she waited for him to come down and let her have a go.
Severus knew she was impressed with his prowess on the broom and enjoyed the look of awe on her face as he landed. Her complements did wonders for his ego and he happily allowed her to laud praised upon him.
The next three hours were spent flying low above the grounds, Lou enjoying every second.

�When do I get to go higher? I can keep my legs the same now and don�t dangle underneath anymore, and I can fly straight.�

�As soon as Madam Hooch can adapt your broom. I can take you up if you wish.�
�Yeah.� She said excitedly.
A few minutes later, Lou was sat in front of him, flying impossibly high and at such speed that she couldn�t even scream her delight. She gripped the broom shaft tightly as they looped the loop and dove toward the ground, only to pull up at the last minute and soar into the air again.

Severus brought them down with a smooth landing and helped her dismount.

Reducing the wands, he tucked them into a pocket and noticed she was crying. �What is it?� He asked, concerned. �Were you afraid?�

�No you daft apeth, I�m crying because I�m happy. Now stop looking at me, I feel daft enough as it is.� She turned away from him, sniffling.

It was the truth. She�d never felt so happy as when she was up there, she felt free, alive, as though all the cares in the world were lifted from her shoulders and blown away. It was an exhilarating feeling and she�d loved it.
Severus frowned and mumbled to himself. He would never understand females. They cried because they were sad, but they also cried because they were happy. It did not make any sense at all.
Albus was delighted to see them when they stopped at the school for supper.
Kreatcher was even more delighted and insisted on serving his mistress.

Lou found it was easier to just let the elf do as he wanted. It stopped a lot of his grumbling and he almost seemed happy. At least she thought he did, but she wasn�t certain.
Unfortunately during supper, the Bloody Baron decided to make an appearance.

TBC
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Both Sides