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Lessons and Obsessions	By : LennaNightrunner Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 84546 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: STABILITY

�You knew about this,� Lucius said
accusingly as Narcissa joined him in their bedroom.
Though it would be his first night sleeping in a real bed again, he was too
furious even to lie down.

Narcissa�s expression was
carefully blank. She had never thought that her husband�s return might be
marred in such a way. She had missed him dearly, and now any chance of a joyful
reunion had been overshadowed by their son�s hormonal whims.

�He told me when he wrote to ask if she could visit.�

Lucius watched his wife in
disbelief as she changed into her dressing gown. �And you allowed it?�

Narcissa shrugged. �I confess, I was curious.�

�Did you give any thought to how I would feel about this?� Lucius paced in front of the bed.

�Of course,� Narcissa said
seriously as she walked over to her husband, stilling his frantic movements
with a hand on his chest. �But you were not here, and I thought it best to
indulge his whim in order to determine the nature of their relationship rather
than deny him and risk him doing something rebellious.�

Though Lucius was appreciative of
his wife�s cunning, he still could not accept what had happened. �You don�t
consider consorting with a mudblood rebellious
behavior?�

�You must concede that she is rather pretty,� Narcissa said reasonably as she moved close to Lucius and laid her head against his shoulder. His scent
recalled a sense of safety she had not felt in a long time, even though it
mingled still with the smell of Azkaban.

�Many of them are attractive,� Lucius
scoffed, but he placed a hand at the back of Narcissa�s
head affectionately. It felt as if it had been decades since he last felt the
smooth strands of her hair beneath his fingers. All thoughts of her had been
taken by the Dementors. It was impossible for him to
express how it felt to be home. And Draco had ruined it.

�And intelligent,� Narcissa
continued conversationally. �I can see why he likes her.�

�He can be fond of her as a boy is fond of a puppy,� Lucius snarled as he stormed over to put on his bedclothes.
�He can lust after her as is expected of a boy his age. But it can be nothing
more.�

Narcissa�s next question was
hesitant. �And what shall we do if it is?�

Lucius stared at his wife. �Surely
we have not raised someone who could be so foolish.�

�People in love are often foolish,� Narcissa
said as she slipped into the bed in which she had slept alone for far too many
nights.

�You cannot be serious,� Lucius
said, trying to stomach the idea. He shook his head and moved to join his wife
in bed. �Do not even suggest such a thing.�

Narcissa�s voice was quiet,
thoughtful. �I have never seen him so affected.�

�It is insupportable.� Lucius
gripped the expensive duvet in frustration. �If only he would give her over.
The Dark Lord would forgive us if we gave him such a prize. I told Draco he
could have her when she was no longer of use.�

�What was his answer?�

Lucius sighed. �He will not admit
to having feelings for the girl, but he will not give her up. He would choose
his mudblood whore over his own family.�

Narcissa hesitated. �I do not
blame you, Lucius, but Draco was made to suffer as a
punishment to you. It must have been very hard for him. To
take the Mark when he was not yet of age. To be given such an impossible
task... I cannot imagine.�

She stared resolutely at the canopy of their bed. She had
already shed too many tears over this.

�We have all suffered, Narcissa,� Lucius said gently. His hand reached out to turn her face
toward him. She was so beautiful in the half-light of their bedroom. He wanted
to stop the pain that he could see in her eyes. But only his son had the power
to do that. ��He can end that, if only he
would listen. What is one mudblood in exchange for
the good favor of the Dark Lord?�

Narcissa pressed her cheek against
her husband�s roughened palm. �If he loves her...�

�Then he is twice the fool.�

Narcissa was utterly and painfully
conflicted. It would be so wonderful for everything to be all right again. For the three of them to be a family, and to be respected once
more. But she knew that she could not control the actions of her son.
And she loved him too dearly to try. �He�s our son, Lucius.
And he is of age now. He must make his own decisions.�

�Indeed he must,� Lucius said with
resignation. �And he has. So I must do what is in the best interests of this
family. Draco will not be allowed home again until he sees reason.�

Narcissa looked at her husband in
shock. When she spoke, her voice was cold. �The Dark Lord and Azkaban have
already divided this family. Will you part us forever?�

Lucius returned his wife�s look
with one that pleaded for understanding. �You are not the only one who loves
him, Narcissa.�

Narcissa was quiet for a moment.
She reached to brush a stray lock of blond hair, now dull from neglect, away
from his face. �Then do not drive him away.�

Lucius pulled his wife close,
wrapping his arm around her slight form. She was so warm, so soft, and he
wanted to tell her whatever she wanted to hear. He wanted to make up for all of
the time she had been left alone. But he was not free to do as he wanted.

�I will do what�s best for all of us, and hope that he will
decide to do so as well.�

*****

There was no way to win, Draco thought bitterly as he
removed the charms from the portraits in the library. Thankfully, no one had
noticed yet. His father didn�t need another reason to be furious with him at
that point.

No matter what he decided, he was basically fucked.

He couldn�t do this to his parents. He couldn�t deny them
what might be their only chance of regaining the respect and status they
deserved. He couldn�t walk away from them simply because they wouldn�t abandon
the principles they were raised with. He hated that his father didn�t have the
courage to leave the service of the Dark Lord. But then, what else could Lucius do? If their family defected, Draco was sure that
not even all the members of the Order of the Phoenix could protect them from
the wrath of the Dark Lord.

His parents had done nothing to deserve this kind of
betrayal from him. All they had ever done was feed him, clothe him, love him, teach him their values. His mother had always been better at
showing her love for him, but Draco was old enough now to understand that his
father�s distance arose from his upbringing rather than a lack of affection for
Draco. Could he really abandon them for the sake of one Muggle-born
girl? What did the life of Hermione Granger matter, in the grand scheme of
things?

It would be so simple to find her, convince her to come
back, give her over to his father. Then his family would be forgiven. The Dark
Lord would favor them again, and everything would be all right.

Except that she�d be destroyed. Mind,
soul, and then body. And even if he were a better Occlumens
than Snape, he wouldn�t be able to stand before the
Dark Lord and swear that she meant nothing to him while his fellow Death Eaters
did to her what could only be described as rape, though it went far beyond the
flesh.

And even that wouldn�t end it. Because the Dark Lord would
punish his family the next time He thought they�d failed Him in some way. And
Granger, who admittedly had become so much more than a good
shag, would be gone forever. And if the information they drew from her led to
Potter�s downfall, then everything she cared about would be destroyed as well.
And what would he be left with?

His family.

Well, that was something. But not enough.
There were other ways for his parents to get out. Ways that didn�t involve
destroying the one person who gave him comfort.

There was only one choice, in the end. There had always only
been one choice. That was it, then. Barring some miracle, he was on his own for
the foreseeable future.

He had betrayed the Dark Lord, his own beliefs, and possibly
his future so that he could keep Granger. Now he was going to betray his mother
and father. Perhaps he should start a tally.

*****

G,

I�m fine. I think our
short friendship with the Order of the Phoenix has ended. Don�t leave where you
are until you go to go catch the train. Don�t do anything stupid. You should be
safe.

X

*****

X,

Your owl doesn�t like
me. Maybe it�s my blood. I�m sure he could smell it much better after he nearly
took my finger off. I�m sure I�ll be fine here. See you on the train.

H

*****

Hermione boarded the Hogwarts Express before Ron, who always
seemed to arrive at the last second. She wrestled her trunk down the corridor
towards the Prefects� compartment, but found it empty. Sometimes punctuality
was inconvenient.

As she was about to enter the empty compartment to put down
her things, a hand reached out from across the corridor and pulled her, trunk
and all, into the opposite compartment, closing and locking the door behind
them.

�Stop doing that!� Hermione hissed indignantly, recovering
from her surprise. It was a miracle her arm hadn�t been yanked off by her
trunk, which had been thrown against the back wall of the compartment. Malfoy lacked many qualities, and notable among them was
finesse.

�I didn�t want anyone to see,� replied Draco, emphasizing
his point by casting an obscuring charm on the small window in the
compartment�s door. Without further ceremony, he pushed Granger down onto the
floor of the compartment and straddled her, kissing her roughly. He hadn�t been
prepared for the rush of relief he�d experienced at seeing her alive and
unharmed. He hadn�t realized how much he had actually been worried that
something might happen to her.

�Draco, no!� Hermione broke away
from his lips, feeling dazed. She struggled beneath him, trying to fight off
his advances as well as her own body�s reactions to them. Had it really only
been three days? �I�ve got to go to the Prefects� compartment!�

�No, not until I make sure no one�s touched you.� He knew
that she was fine; that neither his father nor the other Death Eaters had had
any idea where she�d been for the past three days, and that now she was safely
back on the train and on her way to Hogwarts. Still, he needed reassuring.
After all, there was a very small chance she could�ve been captured and put
under the Imperius Curse or replaced by an imposter
using the Polyjuice Potion.

Hermione impatiently attempted to shove him off of her so
she could get up. �You�re being ridiculous. You can see that I�m fine. I got to
the Leaky Cauldron safely and used a false name and the Order dropped in to
check on me! Now will you let me up?�

Draco glared at her defiantly, continuing to pin her to the
compartment floor. �No. I told you I want to make sure no one�s�
that you�re all right.�

�And how do you propose to do that?� Hermione rolled her eyes.

�Let me use Legilimency on you.�
It was not a request, but he needed her permission.

�What? No!� was Hermione�s gut reaction.

Draco looked down at her sternly, his voice level as he
spoke. �Can�t you trust me?�

She held his gaze in haughty defiance and said nothing.
Could she?

�Please,� Draco said through gritted teeth.

There was something in his eyes. Something
strange, some irrational fear. There was rarely ever fear there. She
wanted to make it go away. She wanted to reassure him that everything was all
right. Could that fear really be for her sake?

�All right�� She hesitated. �But only for a moment. You know
you�re being ridiculous.�

Draco did not return the small humoring smile she gave him.

�But you�ve got to let me up!� Hermione insisted, struggling
beneath his weight.

�What?� Draco looked momentarily confused, having completely
forgotten that he had Granger pinned to the floor. �Right.�

He released her and stood up, moving to sit on one of the
compartment�s benches by the window. He motioned for Hermione to sit next to
him. After a moment of second thoughts, she joined him, waiting patiently for
him to begin, trying to prepare herself and resist the urge to fight him.

Draco pulled his wand from his pocket and held it in as
nonthreatening a manner as he could muster. He shifted to face Hermione and
looked up at her.

�Legilimens.�

Hermione gasped and fought the compulsion to reach for her
wand as she felt Malfoy invade her mind, hunting for
certain images as they rushed around her consciousness in confusion. Her hands
gripped the edge of the seat as she tried to get used to the feeling of his
mind battling with her own, attempting to pry secrets from her memories. She
had nothing to hide, yet it still felt like he was an invader.

Draco searched and sifted through Granger�s memories,
simultaneously trying to discover an incriminating image and praying he
wouldn�t find one. There were no memories of capture or torture, and no
evidence of memory modification as far as he could tell from his limited
experience. And they were her memories, so this wasn�t someone else using the Polyjuice Potion. Draco saw confused flashes of Hermione as
a little girl in the Muggle world, doing things he
didn�t understand. There were images of Weasley and
Potter, of course, from happier days. But mostly what he saw were memories of the
two of them together. He saw the dozens of times they had met in secret. He saw
himself through her eyes�

�and it was almost unbearable.

He pulled away, terminating the spell.

Hermione took a deep breath as she tried to recover, and
joked quietly, �See? I told you nothing happened to me.�

�I would�ve liked to believe you,� Draco said almost
apologetically. But they both knew that trust didn�t work that way for wizards
and witches.

Draco had asked her to trust him. She found that she was
able to, at least enough to let him into her mind. And she had trusted him enough
to stay with him for a week with no immediate protection. Enough
to sleep with and next to him, making herself completely vulnerable to attack.
So she trusted him not to hurt her, at least physically. And she trusted him
not to betray her secrets. But did she trust him completely?

And did he trust her? Would he as willingly let her into his
mind if there were good cause? There was so much in there she wanted to know.
Or maybe she didn�t. Maybe it would be easier to go on pretending that there
was a possibility that he felt something for her that he didn�t actually feel.
That maybe this was more than the inevitable clash of two people who couldn�t
stay away from one another. That it wasn�t going to end horribly and probably
soon.

The two fell into silence as the train moved out of the
station. Hermione ought to get to the Prefects� Compartment. She ought to
change into her school robes. She couldn�t be as familiar with Draco as she�d
grown used to while staying with him anymore.

For once, going back to Hogwarts was a source of anxiety
rather than comfort to her. In fact, Draco seemed to be the only source of
comfort in the world in that moment. The idea that she would once again have to
pretend that he was nothing to her was very upsetting. She would no longer be
allowed to come to his bed after a nightmare, or spend an afternoon reading
with him. Hermione thought she might be willing to endure the disapproving
glances of ten Narcissa Malfoys
if she didn�t have to give up those things.

But there would be no bargaining here. She had gotten
herself into the mess, and chosen to stay in it repeatedly. Now she would
simply have to deal with the consequences. Things would have to go back to the
way they had been before Christmas.

Hermione yawned as politely as she could. She would never
admit to Draco that she�d had trouble sleeping every night since she left the
Manor. Between not having him there and then worrying about what his father was
going to do, it was difficult to relax. Clearly, though, he was all right. And
now she was so very tired. A short nap couldn�t hurt, could it?

She began to experimentally stretch out on the bench and Draco
moved his arm so that she could lay her head on his lap. After a brief moment
of hesitation at this unexpected gesture, Hermione claimed the proffered pillow
and shifted into a comfortable position, deciding not to say anything as Draco
let his arm rest on her shoulder, absently playing with a lock of her hair as
he gazed out the window.

*****

A/N: I seem to be on a roll! (Uh-oh, I don�t want to jinx
myself!) It�s been really nice having the time, motivation, and inspiration to
keep working on L&O at a faster
pace than usual, so I hope you all are enjoying the ride. This chapter made me
like Narcissa a lot more than I did, and made me
understand Lucius a lot better. They�re such
difficult characters to pin down, especially with regard to their relationship
with Draco, but I�m happy with how it�s turned out. Thank you all for your
continued feedback and support. I�m gonna go work on
chapter 22! Extra-special thanks to my beloved beta, twist_shimmy,
who has had chapters to work on much more frequently from me lately.

Laur�Thanks! I still have a lot
left to write!

Liz�Aww, thanks. I�m glad you like
my Lucius. He�s a tough one for me to pin down. The
contrast between him and Draco was a lot of fun for me to write. Haven�t
decided yet if Tonks will play a larger role, but I
was glad to finally introduce the Order into this whole mess. Glad you liked
the chapter!

WesleyY7�No problem! I�m glad you didn�t have to suffer the
cliffhanger. I always feel so awful about keeping people in suspense. I think
you�ve really pinned down the major portions of the introspective stuff in
chapter twenty, and that makes me happy. I�m really glad you like the fic! Don�t feel pressured to review (though of course
reviews are always welcome). As long as people are reading and enjoying I�m
happy.

Selene�Thanks! Don�t worry: I still have a lot left to
write!

angeles�Hehe,
yes you�re allowed to hope, but you�ll have to wait and see what happens!

MegNutz�Glad you liked the
chapter! Hope I haven�t kept you waiting too long. Thankfully I�ve been able to
update a lot more frequently lately.

Dreamweaver�Hey, even I�m not quite sure what�s going to
happen next! Don�t give me too much credit for planning ;-). Sometimes Draco
does things I didn�t plan at all and I just have to roll with it! Don�t worry:
you haven�t offended me and you make sense. Yeah�I think Tonks
forces Hermione to confront the fact that there are a lot of consequences to
what she�s doing and that it might not be very smart. I figured Tonks was the best person to show her the big picture. It�ll
definitely be interesting to see how things shake down with Lucius
and Draco. I�m glad you can�t wait to read my chapters and I hope you didn�t
have to wait too long for this one!

Curraheelove�Haha, thanks! Hope you
liked this chapter too, and I�ll try to update soon!

scartletwitchextreme�Hi Scarlet! *hugs* I love your reaction! It was pretty
tense being the one writing it, I can tell you! I think Remus
and Mad-Eye were probably 1) talked down by Tonks, 2)
curious to see what Hermione was doing, and 3) keeping a close watch for any
sign that she was in danger. I�m really happy with how the Malfoy
men confrontation went down, but it sure was intense as well! I hope you like
how it turns out. No worries about the late review! Take care :)
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Lessons and Obsessions

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: STABILITY