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Ceremonies of Strife	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 16218 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, and I am making no money from this writing.

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Chapter Twenty-One�The Unexpected

�� But we
have to figure out what it is.� Hermione�s words rapped on Harry like a
hairbrush across his knuckles, and he nodded and stared at his hands, almost
expecting to see bruises there.

�� I know,�
he said. �But I don�t know what it
is. I�ve thought, and there�s a few possibilities, but
none of them seem right.�

�� Tell me
what you thought of.� Hermione leaned forwards and posed a quill in the air
relentlessly. A piece of parchment, covered with notes, already lay in front of
her, but it was cleared away and replaced with a clean one at a whisper of a
spell from her.

�� Harry
sighed and tried to think of an answer. He had spent hours that first night
after they fought Nihil contemplating what he was going to do about Draco, and
only a few less contemplating what Hermione wanted to know: what in him had
managed to drive Nihil away.

�� Maybe my
mother�s sacrifice,� he said at last. �That was only supposed to work against
Voldemort, but I know that Nihil almost killed me.� He wanted to flinch when he
remembered the blade cutting into him, but then Hermione would be concerned,
and Harry would have to put up with more fussing than he wanted. �Maybe it
could work against any Dark wizard who was intent on slaughtering me.�

�� Hermione
gave him a small smile as she wrote the possibility down. �That would be a good
thing to have when you�re working in the field against Dark wizards,� she said.

�� Harry
blinked. Her words had reminded him of something he often forgot: that all this
training had a goal, that someday he would be an Auror. It sometimes seemed as
if this condition of training, rowing with Draco, and fighting Nihil would go
on forever, the way he had imagined Hogwarts would when he was a student there.

�� Yeah,� he
said. �But I don�t know if it was really that.�

�� Yes, you
don�t.� Hermione finished writing and stared at him expectantly. �What else do
you think it might have been?�

�� Well.�
Harry scratched the back of his neck. �Maybe my love for
Draco? I was thinking about it when Nihil stabbed me.�

�� Hermione
frowned. �If it was that, why did it never protect you when you were fighting
Nihil and his friends in the real world? I think you�ve been in love with Draco
for a long time.�

�� Harry
flushed to hear her say it straight out like that, though he didn�t really know
why he was embarrassed. The words were true, and truth shouldn�t be that
embarrassing. �I don�t know,� he said. �Maybe it was different because we were
in his mind, and both the weapon and the wound were more direct there?�

�� I don�t
know,� Hermione said, and then sighed and stared into the distance with glazed
eyes for a moment. �There�s so much that we don�t know,� she whispered. �But
I�m going to be the one to find out.�

�� Harry
stared at her. She sounded frightening when
she said it that way. But Hermione didn�t notice his look, since she was
scribbling industriously. Harry saw her add several notes around the first one
in a quick, almost unintelligible hand, and then stare at the wall again. He
didn�t think she needed his help anymore.

�� I�m going
to talk to Draco,� he said, and climbed to his feet. It felt like climbing a
mountain, though that was probably the task ahead of him more than anything
else.

�� Immediately
Hermione snapped back to the present and stared at him, frowning. �Are you sure
that you should, Harry?� she asked. �He seemed awfully upset still when you
came back from fighting Nihil.�

�� Harry
sighed. �I�m not looking forwards to it,� he said. He thought he could tell
that much to Hermione without it being a betrayal. �But I want him back. And I
know�I felt the darkness in Nihil�s mind, and I know now how bad it would have been if I�d succeeded at necromancy.
That might make a difference.�

�� Hermione
smiled at him and put her hand on his, squeezing once. �I do hope that you get
him back,� she said. �I�ve been hard on him, but that�s because I know how
you�re suffering and he doesn�t. You ought to tell him.�

�� Harry
nodded and smiled and got out of Hermione�s rooms as soon as he could. He
wasn�t about to tell her that he thought whinging about his suffering to Draco
would be exactly the wrong thing to do. He�d spent too much time concentrating
on himself. Even concentrating on his guilt and what kind of wrongs he was
doing the living and the dead by not bringing the dead back to life or making
mistakes that hurt the living was a form of selfishness.

�� He wanted
to think about Draco.

�� And so he
was going to try something that he thought was risky, because Draco might
resent it, but which was also the only thing he could think of to do.

*

�� Malfoy.�

�� Draco was
so used to hearing people speak his last name with scorn that he had become
rather good at ignoring those who muttered it. He would defend himself against
direct attacks, but this didn�t sound like one.

�� Malfoy.�

�� Draco
finally turned his head. The voice was insistent enough that it would be better
to avoid unpleasantness by doing that, and he did have his hand on his wand
already under the table.

�� The woman
leaning towards him was another trainee, he knew that, but it took him a moment
to study her face and remember her. Ursula Ventus,
who had proved to be so unexpectedly talented in Combat towards the beginning
of the term. Draco didn�t think he�d ever had any
interaction with her outside of duels and fights in the classes. He looked
silently at her and waited for her to state what she wanted.

�� Ventus gave him a wide-eyed stare and spent a few minutes
entwining her fingers with each other, as if she assumed that would get her
message across somehow. Draco sneered and said nothing. He wasn�t about to give
her any help. If she wanted to approach him when he was studying, then she
could bloody well make it worth his while.

�� I heard
that you were fighting Nihil,� Ventus whispered at
last. �Is that true?�

�� Draco kept
down the jolt he felt, and the immediate suspicion that Harry had betrayed him.
�We�re all fighting Nihil,� he said.
�And yes, I wanted to become a War Wizard.� If Ventus
was fishing in search of information, throwing out words that she hoped would
startle him into offering more than was good for him, Draco would give her this
one harmless piece of information. It was easy to check, and it might make her
think she knew everything already once she learned it.

�� Ventus studied him in silence, then
shook her head. �No,� she said. �I don�t think so. You have compatible magic.
You�re stronger than a lot of the trainees in the program.� She glanced about,
though no one was sitting at the tables nearest them, and lowered her voice.
�And there are rumors that you spent a lot of time with Catherine Arrowshot
right before she disappeared.�

�� Considering
that he was allies with two of their current instructors, Draco felt confident
enough to sneer at her. �Doesn�t that suggest that I�m with Nihil, not fighting him?� She was welcome to go to the
instructors with that, if she wanted.

�� No,� Ventus said. �Because she vanished, but you stayed.�

�� You never
know,� Draco taunted. �I could be infected.� He wouldn�t have said such a
reckless thing ordinarily, but Lucius had dared to send him an owl that
morning, summoning him home to the Manor the minute he read it. Draco had
crumpled it up and wondered if the potion his mother had tried to use was failing
after all. That, on top of the fight with Harry, meant that he would have no
one to turn to.

�� I wish I had friends, he thought, and
had to keep his hand from clenching down on the edge of his book or the table.
Not for the world would he have Ventus see his
weakness like that.

�� I don�t
think you are.� Ventus surveyed him with unblinking
eyes. �You look too bitter.�

�� What does that have to do with anything?� Draco
asked, genuinely startled. No one had said something that startled him in a
long time. He turned around and studied the girl openly, and she studied him
right back.

�� Nihil�s
followers have something to live for,� she said. �Something stupid, but they
believe in it. And you sneer and act as though all your advantages were only
illusion. I don�t think Nihil would choose someone as discontented as you are
to follow him. Or else he would choose you and promise to satisfy your wants,
and then you would smirk more often and jeer less.� She paused. �Unless jeering is just part of who you are. I�ve heard that
about the Malfoys.�

�� Draco
looked at her some more. Her eyes were larger than he had thought they were,
and she leaned her head on her hand as though she were tireless and could hold
the position for as long as it took him to make up his mind about her. Draco
bit his lip thoughtfully and tried to think what he could possibly do to make
use of her.

�� She was
good at Combat, and he often saw her in the library studying before exams, and
that was all he knew.

�� Assume
that I�m not allied with Nihil,� he said. �We�ll grant that, for the sake of
argument.� He said that with a definite sneering undertone, but Ventus only blinked at him and waited for him to continue.
�What good does that do you? What can you get from me if I�m not allied to him?�

�� An ally of
my own,� Ventus replied without hesitation. �They�re
training us to be Aurors, aren�t they? But they won�t let us fight. Even in the battle last year, we
were supposed to stay out of the way and cower like frightened creatures.� She
shut her mouth for a moment, but the thin line of her lips told Draco her words
weren�t exhausted yet. �I hate that. I want to prove myself as good as any of
them. I want to fight.�

�� Draco
splayed his fingers under his chin. She sounded Slytherin one minute and
Gryffindor the next, and he didn�t know how to deal with such a strange mixture
of foolhardy bravery and ambition. �I still don�t know what makes you think
that I�d be such a good fighter,� he said. �Better than someone like Ignotus, for example.� He was currently Ketchum�s favorite
student in Battlefield Tactics; he seemed to be able to look at one of those
bloody obstacle courses Ketchum favored and make it unfold into a map before
his eyes.

�� But you
have compatible magic,� Ventus said, as if that settled
the matter. �And you survived the war.�

�� Draco
couldn�t help it; he laughed. �So did lots of other people.�

�� Ventus leaned forwards until their noses were almost
pressed together. In spite of himself, Draco found it flattering to be the
target of such a fixed and fascinated stare. Ventus
really acted as if she believed what she was saying, as if she thought that he
was someone much more important than Draco felt himself to be right now.

�� She might do that as a means of taking you
off-guard, Draco reminded himself, and tried his best to maintain a
cynical, on-guard posture, at least in his mind.

�� But you
survived in the heart of the war,� Ventus whispered,
�in Malfoy Manor. That means that you must have some quality�alertness or
caution or an iron will. You�ll be the center of a resistance movement against
Nihil sooner or later. I�d like to build it now, before more people are
corrupted and fall to him. And before I spend more time not fighting.�

�� Draco took
a deep breath, his skin tingling. He thought it was the first time that anyone
had ever looked up to him as a leader�at least, since Hogwarts. He had thought
that he led the Slytherins sometimes, but he was painfully aware, now, that
they had put up with him most of the time because his father was too
well-connected to ignore.

�� I like this.

�� He couldn�t
resist. If it turned out that he couldn�t keep any promises to Ventus, it still wouldn�t hurt anything very much if he
pretended that he could. He would find some way to induct her into their fight
with Nihil and make sure that she was trustworthy. And if she wasn�t, then
lying to her would keep her off-balance anyway.

�� He
whispered back, �We�re trying to put one together. But we need your silence and
your secrecy more than your help at this point.�

�� Of course,�
Ventus whispered. �They could corrupt anyone, I
think, couldn�t they? You don�t want to go around asking just anyone into the
alliance, because it might turn out that you�ll have to repudiate them later.�
She paused suddenly and cocked her head at Draco like an owl. �Is that what
happened with Catherine Arrowshot?�

�� Your
silence,� Draco repeated haughtily, but his heart had given a kick and then
begun to pound thickly. Ventus was smarter than he
had thought.

�� Yes, of
course.� Ventus pushed herself back from the table,
looking deeply satisfied. �I should have known that you would have a plan. That
was why I came to you, after all.� She nodded to Draco and slipped away into
the library as silently as though someone was hunting her.

�� Draco sat
where he was, feeling a warm current move through his blood. He hadn�t realized
how deeply he needed that, needed to
have someone treat him like he was worthwhile. Harry�s friends never did it,
even if they were supposedly �tolerating� him. And Harry�

�� Draco shut
his eyes. He wanted to think about the possibilities of building another alliance,
one that might last this time. He worried faintly about the fact that Ventus had approached him instead of the other way around,
and so he didn�t have as much control over her as he might have liked, but then
he snorted. A willing alliance was probably the best one. When he had led the Slytherins,
they had always been looking for some kind of advantage over him, because they resented
his control and wanted to usurp his place.

�� Perhaps being with Harry has taught me more
about equal relationships.

�� Then Draco
had to grind his teeth, because nothing about his relationship with Harry had
been equal, even if it seemed that way. He had been the one to expend more
trust, more trust, more effort. Harry had leaned back,
absorbed it all like some spoiled child, and then acted offended when Draco wanted
more from him than that.

�� Draco. Can
I talk to you?�

�� The voice
still had the power to take away all his pride in an instant, and Draco tried
to cover the truth of that with an icy mask as he turned around and raised his
eyebrows. Harry bit his lip and dropped his eyes as if shy when he saw Draco
looking at him, but Draco didn�t think he was. He knew that look of guilt all
too well.

�� What do
you want?� Draco asked, and turned back to his book. �I�m busy.�

�� I wanted
to apologize,� Harry said. His voice was low, but persistent, and people were
beginning to look at them from other tables. Draco ground his teeth and wished
that Harry could keep from embarrassing him for one day, for one second. �Again, if you�ll let me. I was wrong. I know that more than
ever now, after what�what we experienced.� At least he was intelligent enough
not to confess in public than they had used a Dark spell to enter Nihil�s mind,
Draco thought sardonically. �I don�t have two sets of duties in conflict. I
have one set of duties, and I betrayed them badly. I have a duty to you.�

�� Draco dug
his fingers into the tabletop, not caring if he scratched it. Concentrating on
the blend of sensations between his nails and the smooth wood was the only
thing that kept him from flying at Harry. �I�m a duty,� he said. �Of course I
am. Your friendship with me was only from pity in the first place, and you
never truly loved me.�

�� There was a
muffled, windy sound, as though Harry had started to say something and then
swallowed it. �You�re much more than that to me,� he said evenly, at last. �I
promise, Draco. I haven�t done the best lately. I�ve hurt you, and I want to
make up for that. The problem is, I�m not sure how I
should.�

�� Draco stood
up abruptly. He couldn�t stand to hear much more of this. �You want me to tell you?� he said, and sneered at
Harry.

�� Harry stood
closer than Draco was comfortable with, staring at him with intense green eyes.
�I don�t want you to,� he said. �But
I�ve already hurt you so much.� There was more than guilt in his voice, but
Draco refused to allow himself to consider it, knowing
what would happen if he did�he would get hurt again. �I wish you would tell me,
because that�s the only way I can be sure that I�m doing what you want, what
you need.� He reached out a caressing hand and acted as if he would lay it on
Draco�s arm.

�� Draco
dodged, maddened, harassed, and hurt most of all by the faint hope that Harry
was telling the truth and he�d learned his lesson. �You still want me to do all
the work,� he said. His voice was rising, and the stares were more frequent
now, but he couldn�t care; he just couldn�t.
�I�m supposed to be the guide, the adult, the interpreter of everything for you. Fuck that. I don�t care anymore.�

�� He left the
library, the books in his arms tottering. He might have left a few of them
behind.

�� He didn�t
care. He wouldn�t risk going into the library right now, not when it might mean
another confrontation with the prat.

*

�� Harry
sighed and shook his head. That had gone worse than he had expected. Even with
as much as he had hurt Draco, he had hoped that Draco might listen to him when
he showed his remorse and asked for help.

�� Well, he has been helping you too much lately. You�re going to have to do something
else.

�� Harry sucked
the inside of his cheek and tried to figure out what that might be. Approaching
Draco again right now would only irritate him. In fact, coming near him, except
during class, for the next few days probably wasn�t a good idea. And he hated to
do something that would help Draco, because that might make it seem as though
he was trying to impress him to get back into his good graces.

�� Harry
laughed quietly to himself then. That�s
what I�d most like to do, though, because it�s what would be easiest. I save the
world, and people accept that as a good sacrifice and leave me alone. It�s the
tactic I use most often and that I�m most comfortable with.

�� But he
deserved to be uncomfortable because of what he�d done to Draco.

�� He should
figure out what was most uncomfortable, then, and do it.

�� Right now, that would be waiting until Draco
calms down and trying again. Harry shook his head and turned to make his
way out of the library. He still wanted to ask for help, because he was so
afraid of fucking up again. But he thought Draco would take it as another kind
of betrayal if he went to Hermione.

�� I think. Do I know him well enough to be
sure what he thinks?

�� Harry
halted in the middle of the corridor and braced his arm against the wall,
hanging his head as he thought. He was becoming more and more convinced that he
and Draco didn�t have enough knowledge of each other. They�d become friends and
then true partners and lovers, but except for the compatible magic, they didn�t
have many ties.

�� He still despises my friends. I don�t know that
he has any. I�m afraid of his father trying to kill me if we come into contact�or
trying to kill Draco, for that matter. I don�t understand his mother. I don�t
know what it was like to be a Slytherin, and he only knows what it was like for
me in Gryffindor because he spied on me, or else the papers reported my every
move. Maybe that�s what we need more than anything else. Time
to get to know each other, talk slowly and learn what�s most important.

�� Harry
lifted his head. He had another idea now, an idea that was perhaps silly but
might serve. He would at least try it, and if it didn�t work, then he was no
worse off than before. He didn�t think that he could hurt Draco much more now, unless
he turned to necromancy again. The way Draco had raged in the library was because
of the old wound to his trust, not any new ones that Harry had inflicted.

�� At least,
he hoped so. If he was tearing them further apart every time he acted or didn�t
act, then he might as well give up right now.

�� He started
to move forwards, and then became aware someone was standing behind him. Trying
to keep his grip on his wand casual, he turned around.

�� Ventus stood there frowning at him, arms folded. Harry hadn�t
forgotten her from that morning in Combat, and he tried to smile politely at
her, while wondering what the fuck she wanted.

�� I heard
you fighting with your partner,� Ventus said without preamble.
�You shouldn�t do that. He�s harder than you think, and he�s going to end up
leading a resistance against Nihil. He�s been into the heart of darkness and
not been corrupted by it.�

�� Excuse me?�
Harry asked faintly. He hadn�t heard anyone talk like that about Draco before,
and for a moment he wondered if Ventus had a crush on
Draco.

�� The jealousy
that thought carried along with it made him choke, but luckily, he could still
hear Ventus even as he struggled to clear his throat
of the blockage.

�� We talked,�
Ventus said. �We�re allies. And you�re his partner,
and one of the reasons he�s strong is because of the compatible magic, so you
need to be strong, too. Don�t row with him. Repair it.�

�� I�m
trying,� Harry protested. �He was too hurt to repair it yet, and it�ll probably
be a while before he can.�

�� I didn�t
know heroes whinged so much,� Ventus said, while her
eyes got sharper and sharper.

�� It�s not
whinging, just telling the truth,� Harry said. He was starting to wonder how
much she had overheard, how much Draco had told her. �I fucked up. It was my
fault. But I don�t know how to make up for it yet.�

�� Ventus cocked her head to the side. �You could try
apologizing.�

�� I did,� Harry said, before he clicked his
teeth together and told himself she had no reason to be this interested in the
state of his relationship. He didn�t owe her anything. He shook his head and
started to step past her.

�� Ventus seized his arm. Harry, remembering the way she could
move, stood still reluctantly and met her fierce gaze.

�� He�s going
to be great,� Ventus said. �He�s already strong. But
anyone could see that he�s suffering. I want him strong so he can lead this
fight. Stop rowing with him, apologize, give up notions of extravagant
gestures, and grovel. I think he
would like groveling. And listening. And asking things.�

�� He doesn�t
like the asking for things,� Harry said sulkily, remembering the way Draco had
reacted to his question about what he wanted.

�� Grovel,
then,� Ventus said, and released his arm and walked
past him up the corridor.

�� I was sure Draco didn�t have any friends
besides me, Harry thought, rubbing his arm and staring after her. I reckon he does now.

�� Whether either of us want her
as one or not.

*

�� Dragons
Breath: We�ll see! Harry doesn�t want to talk about it to him in public, at
least.

�� And that
might be it, but right now they have no way of knowing.

�� Lillybe: He�s trying!

�� anciie: Harry will have to get
through the wall of silence first, or Draco won�t know anything about his
changing attitude towards necromancy. But he has another, secondary plan that
should help with that.

�� SP777: If
Draco will listen long enough to have the conversation�

�� As far as I
know, there�s no way that Hermione using the Time Turner for a few hours every
day would be enough to age her years.

�� And I haven�t
written sex scenes lately because my novel-length stories were either mostly
preslash or (right now) going through too much separation between the
characters to have a sex scene.
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Ceremonies of Strife