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Let Love In	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3124 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter Twenty-One: Freedom

Freedom. It was so close he could taste it, it was an exquisite feeling, one he never wanted to leave. He guided Snape, non to kindly, towards the entrance to the Whomping willow, and he suddenly suggested the idea to Harry, the idea that had suddenly come upon him...of course the boy would probably rather live with his Aunt and Uncle, after all, that was all he knew. When Harry agreed Sirius almost fell over with shock, joy overwhelmed him and it hurt, but he found himself grinning like a fool. He would buy his freedom with Pettigrew, he would gain his freedom and live with his Godson...and it would be like living with James...no...it would be better because he would be able to teach Harry all about his father, he would be able to tell him all about the stuff they got up to at school and he would be able to tell him how brave and wonderful he was...

But it wasn't meant to be. Peter escaped, Sirius was forced to distract the Werewolf from Harry and his friends, he chased him down, injuring himself only to stumble upon the lake and find himself in serious trouble as Dementors swooped in on him...

He coward with arms over his head, the familiar darkness swamped him until all he could hear were screams of fury and hatred...

You're pathetic! You poor excuse for a Wizard! You have no talent and you are a disgrace!

Look at you! You're covered in mud! Come here...

Filthy, useless scum! How dare you set foot in this house with that arrogant attitude! I'll beat it out of you!

N-No! Please...stop! It's not my fault! I didn't mean to...

Stop! It hurts! Please...

Help!

Help me...

When he woke he was lying on cold stone gazing up at a ceiling. Slowly, Sirius sat up with a small groan...had it all been a dream? He blinked sluggishly and found himself looking at a tiny office, he climbed unsteadily to his feet, wondering what happened as he moved to a small window. He gazed out at familiar landscape...

"Trapped again, Siri."

He didn't need to turn around to know who spoke. He could never be sure why he saw James like this, he was haunted by a memory...a memory he couldn't let go of.

"Well, you tried I suppose...and just when freedom was so, so close..."

Sirius pressed his forehead against the cool window pane, he closed his eyes, feeling the cool breeze on his face. "They won't send me back to Azkaban...will they?" He croaked.

"No...they won't."

"You can be terribly unhelpful at times, you twat." Sirius murmured with a hopeless half smile. "At least...at least I got to clear my name with your son. At least he'll know that I...I was innocent...at least partly."

"You could say that, but I'd reckon that he's going to regret not being able to take you up on your offer..."

Sirius chuckled, a dead sound that filled the small room like a pathetic whimper. Slowly he slipped to his knees and put both arms against the cold stone wall, resting his head against it and squeezing his eyes shut tightly. He was shaking in terror. "Merlin...I-I can't...I c-can't...t-they'll...do it...James...They'll suck out my soul...I-I'm scared..." Ghostly arms surrounded him and he wished with all his might that he could die, that he could join James properly...that he didn't have to rely on shattered memories and uncontrollable emotions. "I want to die! Why won't they let me die?" he felt his body shaking violently and he stifled a desperate sob. "Please...please...Kill me! I d-don't want...I-I don't want to live l-like that..."

"Sirius...remember me. Don't forget me...we'll always be together...I promised."

The arms tightened briefly before there was a creak, Sirius half opened his eyes as he felt the displaced air of the door opening. He didn't turn around but fear tightened its icy claws on his stomach, clawing at it so he had to clench his teeth so tightly his jaw ached.

"Sirius Black..."

Dementors couldn't speak. Sirius turned very slowly, blinking slightly as he found himself face to face with Dumbledore. "A-Albus..." he gasped, falling forward onto all fours, bowing his head. "Please! Please! I'm begging you...don't let them do it! I-I don't...I don't want to end up like that! L-Let m-me explain..."

"Explain? What is there to explain?" Dumbledore's voice was calm, yet hard and Sirius slowly looked up at him, silver eyes full of despair.

"I didn't do it!" He whispered in a low, shaky voice. "I swear to you, I didn't betray James and Lily! It was Peter! It was all Peter! H-He's an animagus...a-a rat! A-and he ran away...he escaped and now I'm doomed! Please...Please...he's escaped...and there's no escape for me...I'm so sorry! I failed! I failed to kill him! I-I..."

"Sirius, calm yourself." Dumbledore sat down on a stone bench and gazed thoughtfully at the broken man. He had been completely ruined by Azkaban, yet his eyes, his eyes showed little sign of complete insanity, and Dumbledore had to admit that it would take someone with at least most of their sanity intact to fool him and get into Hogwarts, right under his nose. "Now, I wish for you to explain what Harry, Hermione and Ronald were doing with you in the shack this evening."

Sirius licked his lips, slumping against the wall, he took a slow deep breath before speaking. "Well...I suppose I'd better explain something..." He looked up at Dumbledore and his form changed, he melted and became a dog.

"I see...well, that would explain rather a lot." Dumbledore said, slightly shocked at the discovery as Sirius returned to human form.

"James, Peter and I...we learned how in our fifth year." Sirius said softly, a half smile on his face. Dumbledore's eyebrows went up.

"You were fifteen when you became Illegal Animagus?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, we did it to help Remus..." He explained briefly about their escapades as teenagers before explaining about seeing the picture of Peter in the newspaper and realising he was alive, he explained how he had escaped and Dumbledore was silent throughout the whole thing. Finally Sirius went on to explain about what happened in the shack, his hands shaking as he pushed hair from his haunted eyes. When he had finished his voice had gone croaky, he hadn't spoken so much in a long time and it was hard.

"I see..." Dumbledore began slowly.

"Y-You...believe me?" Sirius asked nervously. "Please...believe me...I would never have...I would never have betrayed James!"

Dumbledore gazed at the boy, for boy he was...at least in his mind. He had never been able to grow up properly, his mental development stunted by his years in Azkaban. Slowly he nodded. "Yes, Sirius, I believe you."

The relief that swept over him was almost painful and tears fell down his cheeks. "Thank you...Thank you..." He covered his face with his hands. "I'm sorry..." He said in a soft whisper.

"Not at all, dear boy, I must go...I will do everything I can to prevent this...but even my influence may not be enough." He stood and saw Sirius nod quickly, wiping his eyes on his torn robes, smearing blood from his injuries all over his face. He watched Dumbledore leave and lock the door behind him, he sighed heavily, running dirty fingers through even dirtier hair.

"You look terrible."

Sirius looked up and saw James sitting in a chair, as clearly as if he was when he was still alive. Sirius stood shakily, moving towards the figure, he looked down at his friend and reached out...fingers brushing his image and he felt nothing...just air.

"I'm only in your head, Sirius...you know that."

James smiled slowly and then...he was gone. Sirius fell into the chair, bowing his head and stifling his tears. He closed his eyes tightly and awaited judgement...judgement he knew would involve a fate worse than death.

He had no idea how much time passed but suddenly he heard a loud, sharp tap on the window and he turned his head gazing up at the image of James no...Harry...flying. His mouth dropped open and he stood, hurrying to the window and trying to open it, he couldn't.

**"Stand back!" the girl with the bushy hair said, lifting her wand, he did as instructed and heard her mutter; "Alohomora!"

The window sprang open. "How...how...?" He muttered weakly, gazing at the Hippogriff as if he'd never seen one before.

"Get on, there's not much time." Harry said firmly, holding the Hippogriff steady. "You've got to get out of here...the dementors are coming...Macnair's gone to get them."

Sirius managed to scramble out of the window, climbing aboard the Hippogriff and flying upwards. They flew high above the castle, Sirius closed his eyes feeling the wind in his hair and on his face and once again tasted freedom! After a little while it was over and Buckbeak landed upon the battlements of the West Tower. Harry and Hermione slid off of the creature and looked up at Sirius who gazed at them as if they were some kind of interesting curiosity.

"Sirius, you'd better go, quick," Harry panted. "They'll reach Flitwick's office any moment, they'll find out you're gone."

"What happened to the other boy? Ron?" Sirius asked, his voice croaky.

"He's going to be okay. He's still out of it, but Madam Pomfrey says she'll be able to make him better. Quick...Go!" Harry said.

But Sirius still couldn't take his eyes off of Harry, the boy was...amazing. Thirteen years old and willing to rescue a convict, a man who had gone to prison for murder, Sirius felt a rush of intense gratitude. "How can I ever thank..." Sirius began.

"GO!" Harry and Hermione shouted in unison.

Sirius smiled slightly, wheeling the giant creature around and muttering into the wind; "We'll see each other again, you are...truly your father's son, Harry..." And he was off, soaring into the night sky, with an intense rush of satisfaction and a smirk on his face. Sirius Black, ex-con, had yet again escaped the Ministry! He laughed as he flew high over the mountains of the Scottish highlands, feeling the cold wind in his hair and the wonderful rush of freedom!**

He flew higher and higher, eyes closed, head thrown back and arms out to his sides. He laughed into the wind, a challenge. It was a bright sound, filled with joy and many other inexpressible emotions. The scenery glided beneath him, he gazed down at it as the sun rose above the hills, huge lochs, forests, tiny little houses with smoke rising from chimneys...great expanses of green. He smiled, gazing down at rippling water, tinted pink in the rising sun. Sirius Black was finally free and he was filled with a bubbling happiness, not unlike the feeling he felt around Remus. Harry believed him, Remus believed and so did Dumbledore! He had people on his side, people who knew the truth and he no longer had to suffer in silence...he was no longer alone in his darkness, alone and filled with despair. He had a reason for living, he could go anywhere, do anything! The possibilities were endless!

Remus woke with heavy groan, he rolled over realising he was lying on the forest floor. He shook his head in a slightly dog-like manner, reminiscent of Sirius. He blinked slowly trying to get his bearings, trying to remember what had happened and why he was lying in the Forbidden forest and not curled up on the floor of his locked and bolted office...then he remembered and he felt guilt and self-hatred overcome him. He rolled over onto his back, covering his eyes, hiding them from the sun. Sirius was probably dead...or worse...and it was all his fault! He had forgotten to take his potion...he had put everyone at risk and he had more than likely either murdered a lot of innocent people or...He shook his head, unable to even consider the other possibility. He scrubbed his hands over his face, slightly relieved to feel no blood there...slowly he risked sitting up, gazing around the forest. He could see the soft, pink tinged light as it streamed through the canopy of trees and highlighted the ground in random patches, leaving others in patches of shadows. He moved, feeling the leaf mulch beneath his naked form as he struggled to his feet, with a slight gasp he stumbled and grabbed a tree as dizziness overcame him. He hung his head breathing hard through his nose before slowly opening his eyes again. He blinked slowly as he saw a figure walking towards him, long silver-grey robes sweeping across the floor, leaving a trail of disturbed leaves. He blinked again, falling to his knees with a groan, he felt terrible and probably looked worse for it.

"Ah, Remus...I see you have started to recover." Dumbledore smiled down at him calmly, his long silver beard falling to his waist. "Now then..." He conjured a blanket and threw it over the trembling werewolf. But Remus said nothing, simply sat there, shaking from head to foot with his head bowed. "Is there something wrong? Did you injure yourself?"

Remus swallowed, shaking his head and suddenly it all spilled out...all his guilt, all his hidden secrets. "I'm sorry!" He gasped, voice cracking. "Y-You trusted me! You...you let me return and I...I disobeyed that trust! I...I'm sorry! Sirius he..."

"Is innocent." Dumbledore smiled when Remus' head shot up and his eyes widened like a startled deer. Dumbledore noted that the man looked ten years younger as a shaft of new sunlight fell down to highlight his face, brightening his cheeks. He had locks of hair falling into big brown eyes, the scars seemed to fade into the light and all his premature wrinkles smoothed out. "I discovered the truth, however..." Dumbledore explained briefly what had occurred, what he had asked Harry and Hermione to do and by the end Remus' face morphed from incredulous to grief stricken.

"I-I..." He began. "It's my fault! It's all my fault that Peter escaped!"

"Now, now...calm down. What is done is done, we all make silly mistakes, dear boy...but have no fear, Sirius has escaped the clutches of the Dementors and is now somewhere far away if he has any sense what so ever." His smile was kindly as he moved the blanket to sit properly on the werewolf's shoulders. "Unfortunately, Severus... 'let slip' that you were a werewolf."

Remus swallowed hard, a small frown creasing his brow. "And...and what of Harry?"

"Harry is as well as could be, excited, I am sure, about what he has managed to achieve."

"A brilliant Wizard..." Remus muttered.

"Indeed, an extraordinary child in many respects. He has his father's bravery and his mother's kindness...now then, let us return you to the castle."

Remus sat in his house, the fire crackling merrily in the hearth, he had managed to put down a good deposit by saving up his wages as a teacher so he could afford a place to live. It was an old little cottage, in a tiny hamlet with a good, solid cellar he could hide in when he changed. Dumbledore had managed to help him find it and he had yet another reason to be grateful to the great man. It had been a month since Sirius had escaped, and he had not heard a word from him. He sighed, sinking deeper into his chair, sipping his tea as he gazed into the flames. Suddenly a few sharp knocks on his door made him jump slightly and he frowned, who would be calling this late at night? He stood, putting his cup onto the table. He moved to his door, placing a hand inside his robes touching his wand gently, he could never be too careful. With his free hand he reached for the door knob...and opened it.

"Hey, baby. Long time no see."

Remus' jaw dropped. He felt as if he had been thrown brutally back into time, stood, leaning casually against the door frame, one arm above his head as he grinned lazily at him was Sirius Black. "Merlin..." Remus breathed, Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"No, just Sirius...although I could get used to calling me that."

Remus looked him up and down slowly, trying to take it in. He looked...amazing. His hair had been cut to just below his shoulders, he now wore it tied back in a tail. His robes were slightly worn but in reasonable condition and his face had filled out remarkably well, his teeth, once yellow, were now as white as they had been before his imprisonment. "Merlin..." Remus said again, making Sirius throw his head back in laughter.

"You are hilarious." He raised an elegant eyebrow. "I'm going to assume you're going to invite me in at some point...because I'm kind of the most wanted man in Wizarding Britain and standing outside on doorsteps is not good."

Remus blinked, shook his head and stepped aside, his eyes scanning the street carefully before he closed the door. Sirius looked around with mild curiosity, candles burned in holders dotted all over the place, giving a lovely homely feel. Books had been stacked precariously in the hall way, so it was like navigating a maze through the stacks, Sirius smiled, this was a very Remus-like thing to do. Finally they found their way into the cosy living room and Sirius shed his cloak, throwing it on the back of a chair, he ran fingers through his hair and looked around at the walls. "S-Sirius..." Remus muttered, finally finding his voice as he watched his friend throw himself casually into a comfy seat and recline as if he owned the place, a small, satisfied smile on his face as he looked at Remus. "What in Merlin's name are you doing here?" He gasped.

"I came for a visit, Moons." He said flashing those pointed, white teeth.

"I noticed." Remus replied dryly. "You look..."

"Amazing? Fantastic? So devastatingly handsome you are unable to control your weakening knees?" He grinned wickedly.

Remus couldn't help himself, he laughed softly, hands planted on the back of the opposite chair. "To what do I owe the pleasure of Mr. Padfoot's visit?" He said finally, returning the smile.

"I wanted to see you." Sirius' face fell and he looked serious.

"Tea?" Remus asked, trying to avoid his intense gaze.

Sirius sighed. "Yeah, alright." He watched him walk away, Sirius sat still for a few moments, steeling his courage, with a deep breath he cursed himself for not being Gryffindor enough before climbing to his feet and followed the sounds of Remus making tea. He found him in a Kitchen with a large Aga that took up half the wall, he leaned heavily on the door frame and watched Remus being domestic. "You know, you're really turning me on right now." He whispered softly.

Remus made a bizarre jerky movement and spun around, eyes wide. "Sirius...!" He muttered, scandalised. Sirius' smirk was pure evil as he moved forward slowly, eyes glittering like quick silver. "L-Look...We..."

"Don't tell me no." Sirius replied softly, cutting off Remus' protests with his thumb on his lips. He saw a sudden flash of anger in Remus' eyes that turned them amber, he knocked away Sirius' hand, grabbing his wrist.

"No!" Remus said firmly. "We're not children anymore!"

Sirius shrugged, "So?"

"So...w-we can't! Y-You..." Remus bit down on his bottom lip, scanning Sirius' earnest face...and then he couldn't hold it back anymore. "You left me!" He shouted suddenly, fury making his face heat. "You fucking left me! I-I was always, always waiting for you! I waited for you to come home for days! You...YOU NEVER CAME HOME TO ME!" He screamed the last, a sudden, violent burst of magic shot from him Sirius' eyes widened as he was forced backwards, waving his arms to keep his balance. Remus continued, pacing slightly in the small kitchen, his voice cracking as he fought tears. "I waited for you...for days...all alone in that flat! I can't believe you would even think I'd take you back after that! You...you...useless, stupid...idiotic...COWARD!" He stood still, hands clenched into fists at his sides and breathing hard.

Sirius saw the wolf in that gaze and hung his head. "Remus..."

"No! I'm not listening to your excuses! I loved you Sirius Black! I loved you so fucking much it nearly destroyed me! Do you know how long it took me to get over that?Twelve years! For twelve fucking years I had to cope with memories of you! Don't you dare tell me how sorry you are, it's lies! All of it! You left me!"

"I..." Sirius took a tentative step closer, reaching out a hand before withdrawing it and chewing his lip nervously. "I'm sorry..."

"Oh! Cheers, that makes all the agony you caused me a million times better! It makes the fact that I had to watch as you slowly killed yourself with drugs, shagged other people while I was IN THE NEXT FUCKING ROOM...all go away! Thanks a lot." He turned his back, unable to look into those puppy dog eyes, Sirius looked genuinely sorry and Remus hated him for it. He leaned on his hands on the kitchen table, breathing hard as if he had run marathon.

"No...no this isn't how you said it would go!"

Remus half turned and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Sirius jumped slightly, he had been looking at an empty chair in the corner. Remus watched his eyes dart to it again, his fingers fidgeting with the sleeve of his robes nervously. "Nothing...it was...nothing." Remus sighed. "Look..." Sirius stepped closer. "I...I need to explain something...something I never got to explain before and I..." His eyes moved to the corner again, Remus followed his gaze but couldn't see anything. "I want..." Sirius reached for him, Remus stood still while gentle fingers traced his jaw. "I want us...I want...what I threw away last time."

Remus closed his eyes, trying to push away the longing. "No." He whispered, taking Sirius' fingers in his own. "I can't...I can't do it again. I'm sorry."

Agony flashed across Sirius' face but he schooled his expression like a master and hid his pain, he smiled weakly. "I...I understand. And...it's me that should be sorry."

Remus smiled. "We both have reasons to be sorry, old friend."

Sirius merely nodded, afraid that if he spoke he would end up crying. "W-well...I...er...better go...I guess..." He said after a long, tense pause. He turned around and felt a tug on his sleeve, he felt Remus' weight on him as he pressed his forehead into his back and took a shaky breath.

"I...I've always loved you." He muttered. "But it was...too painful. It nearly destroyed me...us...We can't continue like nothing happened. There are too many years, too much heartache...Sirius...I'm sorry."

Sirius hung his head dejectedly. "Yeah...so am I." He breathed.

"You don't...you don't have to go." Remus slowly ran his hand up Sirius' side, his eyes half closed as he gazed down at his feet. "I'll never stop being your friend."

Sirius shivered under the touch, his breath catching in his throat. "Merlin...you know how to make this fucking difficult, Moony."

Remus closed his eyes with a sigh. "I know."

"It was...never supposed to be...easy...was it?" Sirius muttered quietly, taking Remus' hand in his own and turning around, he lifted Remus' face to his and they gazed into each other's eyes. Slowly he leaned forward, his lips brushing Remus'.

"Sirius..." Remus whispered, letting his eyes fall closed as he felt those all too familiar lips meet his, cutting off any weak protests.

Sirius let his own eyes fall shut, he moved his lips against Remus's, gently sliding his tongue between them and exploring his mouth. It was familiar, it was wonderful and it was...home. He wrapped his arms around Remus, dragging him closer, deepening the kiss and making the werewolf moan heavily as his arms wrapped themselves around Sirius' neck. Sirius slid his hand up Remus's back and into his hair, holding him in place as he pushed him back into the table, he stuck one arm out to steady them as their breath began to come heavily. Sirius drew away long enough to mutter; "Fuck...I missed you...so goddamned much..."

"Sirius..."

Sirius cut him off again, allowing his tongue to gently taste every inch of Remus' mouth, they groaned in unison. It was slow, slow and bone shiveringly good. Remus grabbed a handful of Sirius' thick black hair and let himself fall...

Sirius removed Remu's shirt, bending his head and nipping gently at his throat as he tipped his head back with one hand. The other worked on Remus' trousers, unzipping them and pulling them down with Remus' help. His own clothes took a bit of navigating but finally he was naked as he grabbed Remus, lifting him up and throwing him onto the table, which wobbled but held as he pressed himself into Remus who hissed sharply, throwing his head back as that burning pain assaulted his senses. Sirius took a shuddery breath, leaning in and kissing Remus gently, tenderly... "Shh..." He whispered, "It's alright..." Remus could only nod as Sirius reclaimed his mouth.

The glide of skin on skin, the heat, the feel of wet tongues tangling...It filled them with exquisite joy. Sirius lifted Remus's hips, sliding inside him and uttering a tiny exclamation of pleasure as he began moving slowly, each stroke of his hips making Remus arch into him with a strangled cry. "Oh...fuck!" Remus cried, throwing his head back as it hit the table, his fingers gripped Sirius' shoulders tightly. "Siri...Sirius...More..."

Sirius obliged, moving faster, the table beneath them creaked as he lifted Remus up and kissed him slowly, his hands gripping his hair. The kitchen was filled with their gasps, the sound of soft, sloppy kisses and wet skin as they moved in tandem. "Remus..." Sirius whispered, watching Remus pant heavily beneath him, his eyes black with desire, his hands grabbing, tugging and sliding against his back. "Remus...I..." His words slipped out in a heavy groan, his eyes slipped closed as he thrust deeper, Remus cried out loudly, before his cries were swallowed by Sirius again and he felt that heat, that delicious warmth that spread slowly through his body like lava only to settle in his stomach...his toes curled, his back arched right off the table as he came with Sirius' name on his lips. Sirius felt him tighten around him, he fell forward, hands slamming into the table, his face buried into Remus' damp hair as he felt his orgasm hit him with the force of a train. "Remus!" He gasped as white obscured his vision.

Finally, as Sirius blinked away the remnants of his orgasm, he pulled away to gaze down at his lover. Remus lay there, panting heavily, sweat sticking his hair to his forehead, his eyes dark and his cheeks flushed. Sirius reached up and with shaking fingers brushed the hair from hsi eyes before leaning down and kissing him slowly, deeply...Remus shivered, feeling his skin prickle as his fingers tangled in that thick hair, pulling it from its pony tail. "Sirius..." Remus muttered softly as he pulled away. "I love you..."

Sirius smiled, a warmth in his eyes that Remus was slightly surprised to see. "I know." He muttered.

Remus couldn't help himself, he laughed. The laughter was bright, and wonderful! It echoed around the small kitchen and made Sirius join him, they laughed until they were nearly crying. They could have been the children they had been years ago, they could have been sat beneath that tree with James at their side, filled with innocence and arrogance and that insatiable Maruaderly spirit that had bound them all together.

** Speech taken from Prisoner of Azkaban by JK Rowling.
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