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How To Train Your Auror	By : Alcoholic_Rootbeer Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 7512 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, and I will not make a profit from this story.

Chapter List
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Rat a tat tat
Rat a tat tat tat hey
If my love is a weapon
There's no second guessing when I say
Rat a tat tat
Rat a tat tat tat hey
If my heart is a grenade
You pull the pin and say:
We're all fighting growing old
We're all fighting growing old
In the hopes
Of a few minutes more
To get, get on St. Peter's list
But you need to lower your standards
Cause it's never
Getting any better than this
"Rat A Tat" by Fall Out Boy
You two seem awfully cheery this morning," said Astoria, rubbing her tired eyes. Draco sat at the kitchen table, attempting to feed Scorpius a jar of mashed bananas while Hermione was busy at the stove flipping pancakes. She was trying to conceal the smile in the corner of her lips, but she wasn't doing a very good job of it. Nor could Draco hide the satisfied smirk that he had worn since he'd woken up this morning with her in his arms.
"Just excited to get to work," Hermione replied quietly, scraping the spatula underneath her newest pancake creation. A plate to her left piled at least ten high. "Dueling today."
"Dueling? Do people actually get excited for that sort of thing?" Astoria asked as she took a seat across from Draco and poured herself a glass of orange juice.
Hermione saw Draco's smirk widen. "You do if you know you can best your opponent." He glanced up towards Hermione and flashed her a challenging grin. "Isn't that right, Hermione?"
He said her name like it had been waiting there at the tip of his tongue; the same one that had done so many naughty things to her the night before. Hermione shivered and placed her last pancake atop the rest. "Quite right, Draco. Which is why I'm looking forward to bullying you into submission."
He caught her challenge. "The only one that'll be submissive is you, Granger. Let me assure you."
Astoria looked between the both of them, sipping her orange juice. She didn't appear irritated at the tit-for-tat that she was not a part of as one might expect; her eyes were busy reading their non-verbal cues. With a smile, she sat her glass back down. "Draco, the baby."
"Hmm?"
"Scorpius."
Draco peeled his eyes away from Hermione long enough to find Scorpius's pudgy fingers wrapped around the edge of the jar as he dumped the entire contents on top of his head. Scorpius giggled, throwing the jar to the floor before reaching for the spoon in Draco's fingers. "Oh, come on now, Scorp. That was fresh made, that was."
"Perhaps if you weren't so distracted," Astoria quipped. "You might have taken notice."
"I'm not distracted," Draco said, though his eyes were set on Hermione again and Scorpius hit him in the nose with the spoon. "Ouch! Alright, alright. Sorry." He waved his fingers and willed the mess away. "But this is the last jar, you hear?" He turned his head to Astoria. "We've gone through this twice already."
"Luckily I made four jars," Hermione said, setting down a new jar and spoon. She patted Scorpius on top of his head. "Anticipating your opponent is the best way to stay ahead of them." Delicately, she bent over and kissed Scorpius on the cheek. He cooed in response and slapped his small hands across his tray.
As Draco set to work feeding his son again, Hermione gathered up three plates, sat one down at each chair, and served up the pancakes. She had already set out the butter and maple syrup.
"Quite the little home-body, aren't you, Miss Granger?" Astoria raised a suspicious eyebrow.
"When the mood suits me," she replied, taking her seat next to Draco.
"The mood never suited her," Draco scoffed, nudging over to Astoria, "I don't think you ever cooked a breakfast in your life."
"Well, dear, if you ever decided to crawl out of bed before noon, I might have." Astoria pushed her stack of pancakes towards the center of the table. "Very sweet of you, Miss Granger, but I seem to have lost my appetite."
There was a knock at the door, and both Draco and Hermione exchanged worried glances. "Not a word." She told the Malfoy family, rising from her chair. She cast a quick illusion charm to make the kitchen appear empty and strolled her way to the door. When she opened it, she found Harry, once again, on her front step.
"Hermione. Is Malfoy here?"
The question caught Hermione so off guard it took her a moment to answer. "Y-Yes."
"I need to talk to him."
"Alright." She opened the door. "Come in." When the door was shut, she took down her charm and revealed the three sitting at the table, Draco with a fork full of pancakes about to touch his lips. He set it down when he saw Harry and straightened in his chair.
"Potter." He said. "Everything alright?"
" 'Fraid not." Harry walked over to the table and looked to Astoria. "Astoria Greengrass, I presume?"
"Yes." Astoria nodded.
"We've been looking everywhere for you. Malfoy too." He removed his glasses from his face and pinches his nose as if he were smelling very bad cabbage. "I don't know how to say this… your home was attacked last night."
"What?" asked Astoria. Draco's eyebrows furrowed.
"We thought maybe you'd been kidnapped. We've put out a search for you and your son. I'm glad to know you're both alright." Harry set his glasses back on his face.
"My father…?" Astoria asked.
"Out on holiday. But some of the house elves…" He let his voice drop.
"What happened?" asked Draco.
"Fiendfyre - The entire place was up in flames by the time we arrived."
Hermione, from her little spot across the room, swallowed hard. She and Draco exchanged worried glances.
"Someone meant to kill you, Miss Greengrass," said Harry. "And I think we all can take a guess as to who."
"Cane." Draco growled. "I swear to fucking Merlin I'm going to beat his sodding head in when I find him." He removed the tray from Scorpius's highchair and untucked him from it, not caring if he got bananas on his work robes as he cradled his son to his chest. "This is my fault."
"Well, of course it's your fault," Astoria muttered irritably. If Hermione's eyes were weapons, they would have stabbed Astoria's pretty little eyes out. She crossed the room in less than three seconds and glared down to Astoria.
"Apologise," she demanded.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. Apologise to Draco."
"Hermione," Draco whispered as he touched her arm. "Let it go."
"No." She beat her glare down upon Astoria like a club. "No, Draco. I won't let it go. I've taken you into my home. I've given you my bed to sleep in. I've cooked for you, provided for you, because I care about what happens to you and your son. But I will not stand idly by while you tear Draco down in front of Scorpius like this." She lowered down to Astoria's eye level. "Draco is a far better man than you give him credit for. Yes, he's screwed up. But we've all done some bad things in our lives. And his resolve to change is strong. So either put up or shut up at this point. Do I make myself clear, Astoria?"
Astoria scoffed, rising from her chair. "I have never been talked to so disrespectfully in all my life!"
"Maybe it's time then." Hermione jutted out her chin.
"Erm… Hermione," Harry interjected. "I don't mean to interrupt, but there are more pressing matters, don't you think?"
Yes." She nodded. "I quite agree."
"Well…" said Harry cautiously as he stared at his best friend. "Now that we know that Malfoy and his family are safe, we can pull the search warrant. I'll say you were overseas. Does that sound fair?" He asked Astoria.
She nodded. "Yes. My family owns a spring home in Nepal. It wouldn't seem farfetched for me to be out of the country… especially after such a terrible divorce." She glared at Draco.
"Yes, because the divorce was my fault, Tori," Draco sneered sarcastically.
"Give me the baby, Draco." She held out her arms, contempt in her voice. "You have work, don't you?"
Draco looked down to his son, reluctant to give him up. It was written all over his face: in wake of the attack, he didn't want to leave his son. And who could blame him really? Especially when having to leave him with a witch like Astoria, Hermione thought irritably. But she would give credit where credit was due: Astoria would give her life before she let anything happen to Scorpius.
"Just so you know," Draco said as he handed Scorpius off to his ex-wife. "Hermione and I are together."
"Did you really think I hadn't figured that out?" She sneered back to him. "Honestly, you're gawping at her like a dog ready to mount!"
"Is this really the time?" Hermione and Harry said together. Hermione's cheeks were flushed red; she hadn't expected Draco to come forward with their relationship so willingly out in the open. Especially in front of Astoria. Harry looked as the very bad cabbage he had appeared to smell earlier had somehow made its way into his stomach and he was going to throw it up at any moment.
"Have a pleasant day, Astoria. If we didn't share a child, just so you know, I would be cheering for the fiendfyre right now." Draco kissed Scorpius on the head and strutted his way to the floo. "Coming, Hermione?" His double entendre didn't go unnoticed. Hermione blushed violently as she walked over to the floo while Harry held back, holding his stomach and looking very green.
Draco's foul mood spilled over into class when Auror Diggle walked in with his briefcase and tired looking eyes. Eyes that looked hungrily over at Hermione. Draco didn't know what he wanted to do more; punch Diggle square in the teeth or have lust-filled angry sex on top of Diggle's desk with Hermione. Anything to remedy this adrenaline rush he had obtained from Potter's news this morning. Cane had tried - truly, wholly tried to murder his family last night. And that just wouldn't do. Oh, if only he could take some of his aggression out on Cane's lackluster lackey.
"Dueling," Started Diggle, setting his briefcase down. "It is a practice that you'll get very used to in this profession. It is the bread and butter of your craft, and you should treat it as such. If you slack off, you're most likely to end up dead. Or worse." His eyes trailed over the class before they stopped at Draco. Just what did pretty boy want now? "The Dark Arts seduce many a wizard and witch." Ah, no wonder he was looking at him with 'I'm going to fuck your girlfriend in front of you just to make you watch' eyes. "And it is your job to combat them without giving in to the darkness yourself." Diggle pulled his eyes away and turned to Hermione. "Miss Granger, what is the lesson in this?"
"It's easier to combat Dark magic with Dark magic, but that doesn't make it right. The only way to truly win is by knowing your spells and besting them the old fashioned way."
"Wonderful explanation, Miss Granger. Five points to Gryffindor!" He laughed, but no one else did. "Oh, come on now. That was funny."
Well, Draco thought irritably, if there was one thing that Diggle and Cane shared in common besides a love for muggles, it was most certainly their bad jokes.
"Right. You won't be teamed up with your partners today," Diggle said, bringing the attention of his students back around. "No, you'd go too easy on them. Friendship is a wonderful thing, truly, but it does tend to muck up your perceptions. To avoid this injustice, I'll be pairing you up with acquaintances. So, who'd like to start us out?" His eyes glanced around the room. "No one? Alright… how about… Miss Granger and… Mister Simmons. Yes? There's already some animosity between the two of you. Should make for a very interesting show."
Behind him, Draco could hear Simmons crack his knuckles.
Diggle and his students set to work shrinking the desks to get them out of the way and conjuring up a proper dueling stage in the middle of the classroom. The last time Draco had seen one of those, he and Potter had been made to duel second year.
"I'll be your second," He heard Dean whisper to Hermione, who nodded in response. Draco would have made the offer himself, but he suspected Diggle would have found an excuse to forbid it. Simmons had already selected a thin, scrawny man by the name of Yolland for his second. He didn't look like much, but Draco had paid attention in class enough to know that Yolland was a master at defensive spells.
"What are the rules?" asked Draco to Diggle.
"The rules are quite simple. The first to either be knocked unconscious or concede will lose. The winner receives two shots on me this evening." Most of the classroom cheered, apart from Hermione, Draco, and Dean, who seemed to be eyeing up Simmons nervously.
"You sure you want to do this?" he asked Hermione. She nodded.
"Gives me an opportunity to knock his lights out the legal way," Hermione chirped. "What's there not to want?"
"That's my girr—rraaanger." Draco corrected himself, noting the raised eyebrows from Dean. "What?" Draco snapped.
"Nothing," Dean replied.
Hermione stepped up onto the raised platform and shrugged off her robes, tossing them to Draco. He caught them, smirking. He'd have to get her to strip all of her clothes off for him sometime. It would be quite a show…
"Miss Granger," Diggle said to the side, ruining Draco's fantasies. "Your robes?"
"If it's all the same to you, sir, when I become an Auror I won't be wearing traditional robes." She readied her stance in her jeans and long sleeved shirt. "And I'd rather practice as such."
"Very well," Diggle nodded slowly. "On to the show then."
Simmons clambered his way onto the platform as well, reading his wand. Hermione had a smirk across her lips that Draco was quite proud of. It nearly matched his own. Merlin, was she ever beautiful in combat.
"Wants at the ready!" Shouted Diggle. "Three! Two! One! Combat!"
"Confringo!" Simmons shouted, aiming at Hermione's feet. Without a word, she willed a barrier from the tip of her wand that deflected the blasting curse in one quick movement. The spell bounced off and hit the spelled window, shattering it and revealing smooth stone beneath. Hermione didn't even flinch.
"Good start," she smiled, waving her wand in a flurry at Diggle's quills on his desk. "Oppungo!" The quills shot off like arrows from the desk, aimed directly at Simmon's buttocks. Simmons brandished his wand and sent the quills in an array of different directions until they hit the walls.
"Not bad… for a woman."
Hermione's smile faded into a scowl. "Titillando!" A burst of light shot out of her wand and hit Simmons directly in the chest. He doubled over as if in pain before a smile cracked on his face and he began to laugh hysterically. A tickling charm. Not too shabby. Simmons collapsed to the floor, clutching his sides.
"Make it stop!" he growled. "Aha-ah-I s-said.. ahah… make it stop!"
"Do you concede, Auror Simmons?" Shouted Diggle.
"No… ahah… fucking… way!"
"Then you must finish him, Miss Granger." Greg Diggle's eyes lit up in excitement. Hermione lowered her wand, frowning.
"Sir, I don't need to knock him out. He's already-"
"Expulso!"
"Protego!"
Hermione threw up her protective charm in the nick of time - Draco gave out a frustrated sigh.
"Finish him off, Granger!" he shouted, cupping his hands to his mouth. "Make the sod regret ever crossing you!"
"Yeah!" Encouraged Dean. "What Malfoy said!"
One by one, the entire classroom, aside from Yolland, began to chant. "Gran-ger. Gran-ger! GRAN-GER!"
"Diffindo!" A thin, green light shot out of Simmon's wand and hit Hermione in the shoulder. She screamed out, clutching at it. Blood began to trickle down her shirt. Simmons smirked as the classroom hushed. "Not so tough now, are you, bitch?"
Anger flared over Hermione's face, and with a wave of both of her arms, she shouted, "Stupefy!"
Simmons collapsed in an unconscious pile to the ground.
"You're the bitch now, Simmons," she whispered coldly at him as the crowd burst into cheer. She winced as blood poured from her shoulder, and Diggle climbed on stage to tend to her. Draco felt helpless as he acted his part down on the ground, but when she caught his eyes and smiled to him, he felt his chest relax. 'Great job.' He mouthed. 'I know.' She mouthed back.
Once Diggle had repaired her arm, he allowed her to hop off the stage. It took three grown men to drag Simmons down to the floor. "What do we do with him?" asked Dean.
"Oh, he'll come around eventually," Diggle said gleefully, "Just leave him. Who's next?"
One by one, Diggle paired up the remaining Aurors. Dean managed to knock out Yolland in two spells. It seemed dueling was not where he was challenged. Draco took notice of the odd number of Aurors and the fact that Diggle kept avoiding his name. When it came round where everyone else had already been paired off, Diggle set his sights on Draco. "Ah, yes. Auror Malfoy. Seems we're one short, aren't we?" He looked around the room. "It would be unfair of me to pair you up against someone who's already used their best efforts on someone else. You know the tells."
Draco had a feeling he knew where this was going.
"I suppose it's only fitting that I shall duel you," Greg Diggle shrugged.
"Sir, I don't mind going again," Offered Dean, but Diggle shook his head.
"No, no. It should give me some good practice, anyways." Diggle climbed onto the stage. "What say you, Malfoy? Care for a little challenge?"
Draco smirked, turning to Hermione. 'Little?' He mouthed. Hermione blanched, nudging him in the shoulder. He knew she'd get the joke. I think I'll refer to him as little cock Diggle in front of her when this is all over… yes… that sounds like fun.
"I'm game." Draco took to the stage. "Care to raise the stakes a bit higher, sir? All in good fun, of course."
Greg Diggle raised his eyebrow. "Of course…" His voice wasn't convinced. "What did you have in mind?"
"Loser owes the winner one request. Anything they want."
"Hmm. Sounds interesting." Diggle rubbed his chin. "Anything?"
"Anything."
"I'll take you up on that." Diggle brandished his wand. "So I'll be expecting you to lick my boots when this is all through?"
The classroom burst into murmurs and laughs. Draco could feel Hermione's anxious stare in the back of his skull. "As long as you're prepared to wear a frilly skirt to tomorrow's lesson." Draco smirked.
"Then let us proceed. Who will count us off?"
"I will." Hermione came to the edge of the platform. She smiled sweetly to Diggle. "Good luck, Greg." She turned her eyes to Draco. "Break a leg."
Well, that wasn't much of a nice sentiment.
Dean whispered up to him, "That means good luck when you're on stage. It's a good thing."
"Whose side are you on, Dean?" Diggle chided.
"Wands ready, then?" Hermione said. "Three." She cast an anxious 'don't you dare lose' look to Draco. "Two. One. Duel!"
Draco prepared for an attack immediately, throwing up a protego spell, but the offensive maneuver didn't come. Diggle's green eyes glistened happily across the platform as if he were studying Draco's every detail. Draco held his stance, wand out, eyes open and ready for anything. But Diggle just stared.
"Well?" Draco sneered. "Are you going to get on with-"
"Impedimenta!" Turquoise light burst out of Diggle's wand and hit Draco square in the stomach. Time seemed to slow, and Draco found that his arms nor legs would move. Diggle smirked, lowering his wand. "You'll find that catching your opponent off guard is the simplest way to defeat them. Never jump in too soon." He strolled across the platform and squared Draco up eye to eye, leaning so close that Draco could smell the peppermint gum Diggle was chewing. "So what shall I do with you, Auror Malfoy?"
The spell released, and Draco found his fist flying through the air before he had time to register that this was his instructor he was making to knock into next week. His knuckles came in contact with Diggle's jaw, sending Greg stumbling back. He caught his footing in time, and reached up to rub his already swollen jaw.
"Just implementing your lesson, sir." Draco smirked.
Diggle straightened his back and for a moment his eyes darkened. But then he was back inside of his happy go lucky façade, smiling to the room. "I'm going to enjoy this." He snapped his fingers, and the bones in Draco's wand hand began to crunch and break apart as if held under a crushing vice. Draco screamed out in pain, his wand falling to the floor and rolling off of the platform. The entire classroom was silent as Draco fell to his knees. "Do you concede, Auror Malfoy?"
Draco hadn't been in so much pain in a very long time. Not since Cane… He shot his eyes up to Diggle and glared. Of course. Cane had shown him a few tricks, hadn't he? This sort of magic was foreign - it wasn't particularly illegal, but it was unknown to most and had Cane written all over it. "Not… on your… life…" He said through gritted teeth. Another bone snapped in his finger. "Arghh!"
Diggle leaned over and whispered in Draco's ear, "Are you sure about that? You'll pass out from the pain eventually."
"Go… to Hell…"
Diggle stood upright and looked to the classroom. Draco turned his head to the side and met Hermione's tear-filled eyes. He could tell it took everything in her not to jump in and stop what was happening. He shook his head to her. No. She needed to stay out of this. This was between Diggle and Draco.
"We as wizards forget that the body is a very vulnerable object. With the right sort of pressure, pain has the capability of winning over any opponent."
"What you're doing is no better than the Cruciatus Curse!" Hermione shouted at once. "Greg… please…" she whispered. "Stop."
Diggle reluctantly waved his hand, and the invisible crushing force on Draco's hand released at once. "My apologies, Miss Granger. I only meant to make a point. Nothing else."
Draco could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he struggled to focus his eyes. The pain was extraordinary, much worse than the time that insolent bird had kicked him third year. His vision was slipping-he could feel himself being pulled into the darkness. He felt Diggle's firm hand on his shoulder as he tugged Draco up to his feet. The world was spinning.
"Concede, Malfoy?"
Draco shook his head. Heated and in the moment, he thrust his elbow backwards, catching Diggle in the ribs. It was the perfect distraction before Draco spun around and kicked Greg hard into his stomach with his kneecap. Diggle doubled over.
"Concede, Diggle?" he said pompously, stumbling for balance.
"Oh this is outrageous!" Hermione shouted. "Someone stop them both!"
"Really, Hermione," Dean said to her. "This is actually the best entertainment we've had in a long time. I'm not sure who I'm rooting for more."
"For me of course!" Draco smirked, waving his good hand around the room. "If I win, drinks are on me tonight!"
The entire room cheered. Apart from Hermione, who slipped out the back door. Draco frowned in concern, and Diggle took his opportunity, tackling Draco. They both fell over, Draco on his back, and Diggle made a swing at his face - Draco threw up his good hand and caught Diggle's wrist, jerking it and hearing a resounding snap. Diggle shouted in pain.
"Doesn't feel good, does it?" Draco quipped, turning the wrist a bit further.
"This is some duel," Simmons said to Yolland.
The door burst open, and Auror Potter ran to the front of the class at the edge of the platform, Hermione on his heels. "Greg! Malfoy! Stop it! What d'you think you're doing?"
Draco smirked and released Diggle's wrist. Diggle rolled off of Draco, huffing and wincing as he landed on his injured hand. Draco leaned his head back, giving a sigh of relief. It was all over.
He turned his head to the side to catch Hermione's eyes. There were no longer tears, but a furious glare that spread across her features, casting a dark aura over her. Draco could imagine little clouds filled with lightning above her head. Or maybe that was just the pain setting in. He couldn't be sure- his eyes were beginning to lose focus again.
"-The seven Hells-" He could hear Potter yelling, "-Completely unprofessional - should have you both quarantined-"
Draco let sleep consume him, smirking all the while.
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How To Train Your Auror