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Paying For His Pedestal	By : twocanz Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Harry/Cho Views: 83057 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 21
- 22
- 23
Chapter 22 -� Fresh Slice of Hell

Through most of breakfast and first period, Cho contemplated
her riddle.� Why was it that Cho had kept
Harry sane, kept him contented when the world publicly praised him on his
pedestal, held him and listened to him when he needed someone to talk too, had
been his middle finger to those of who saw him as perfect, and had been his
punching bag when he couldn�t process his lot in life, but she didn�t deserved
to be lying next to him for the night after being made love too?� She earned it, hadn�t she?�

What are you on about,
Cho?� Harry�s been trying to sleep with
you for ages!� Only once was it
accidental, but you�ve only willingly gave in twice.� Once because the two of you would have died
of hyperthermia, and the second time was because he was so distraught and�

AND I was too afraid
to kiss him again if we had sex, so I opted to allow him sleep with me instead.

Right!� So you�ve chosen not to sleep with him for
the sake of sleeping in his arms for the whole night.� You can�t very well blame that on him!

I can�t?� He could have chosen to come back with me to
my dormitory.

You told him not too!

Oh, yeah, that�s
right.� But he could have insisted!� He didn�t even put up a bloody fight like
usual.� He just�gave up on me.

STOP making up
excuses!� This has nothing to do with him
not wanting to sleep with you, this has to do with�Ginny, and you bloody well
know it!

No�no, it doesn�t have
a thing to do with�her.� I�m not�jealous
of her!� Why should I be?

Why�did you cry when
you saw her lying with him last night?

�I�don�t know�� she said.

�Well, at least that is an honest answer, Miss Chang,� an unfriendly
voice said coolly, shaking the Ravenclaw out of her disparagement of
herself.� �However, honesty will not
award you a passing N.E.W.T.� So might I
suggest, you leave the honesty bit behind and study your given assignment?�
sneered Professor Snape.

Her cheeks colored in embarrassment.� �I�yes, sir.�
I apologize.�

�Hmph,� he scoffed coolly.�
�Apologize not to me, but to your housemates.� Five points from Ravenclaw.�

No wonder Harry hates
you! she thought evilly at the professor.

�Yes, sir.�

And how do you think
Harry feels about you?

I�dunno.� I�I�m all he wants, he says.� All he needs�

Yeah, and you already
know why he needs you.� You�ve been hit
with every sling and arrow that was aimed at him; from him.

No.� The way he�touches me�� The way he�looks at me�� The way
he was so adamant about convincing me he hadn�t done anything with�her�� Cho found herself smiling in the middle of
her Defense Against the Dark Arts class.�
I know how he feels about me�� She could see in her mind Harry�s green eyes
penetrating her half mended soul.� She
could see him grinning sweetly at her, or slyly when he wanted her.� She could feel his arms tightly closed around
her, squeezing the air out of her, making her feel like there was nothing else
in the world but her.

Then why�weren�t you
lying beside him last night?� The
Ravenclaw�s smile disappeared.

It was as if he knew she had been thinking about him all
morning.� As Cho walked with Marietta, Constance, and
Patricia down the hall to their next class, the Golden Trio came around the
corner.� The assailant and his victim�s
eyes met.� Harry wore his sweet smile
just for Cho, and she couldn�t help but to imitate though moments before she
hadn�t felt like smiling.� As the
Ravenclaws passed the Gryffindors, Cho could still feel eyes boring into
her.� Her smile grew even wider.� She turned her head to see Harry blatantly
staring back at her over his shoulder as he walked with his friends.� His smile and wink gave the sensible
Ravenclaw the answer to her riddle.

Doesn�t matter why I
wasn�t there last night, I�ll be in his arms again today�tomorrow�the next day�

The smile on the seventh year�s face was unwavering for the
rest of her academic day.� The needles in
her chest, and the sick pocket in her stomach, she�d deal with on another day.

*********

As Cho walked to dinner that evening following behind a
group of other Ravenclaws, Terry having �mysteriously� disappeared, she
contemplated imitating her new best friend.�

Mmmm, Harry for dinner
sounds like a brilliant idea!

�Harry!� Cho heard a voice yell, and wondered for a moment
if it was in her mind.� She looked ahead
of the crowd she followed, but didn�t see the afore mentioned person and her
meal for the evening.� �Don�t pretend
like it�s not true!� she heard a voice she knew to be Ginny say, but didn�t see
the redhead either.

The crowd ahead continued on and Cho followed behind them,
training her ear to listen out for��
�Ginny, I swear to you, I don�t know what�� she heard Harry say.� Then Cho saw a classroom door, her and
Harry�s private first floor meeting place, opened slightly.� Her
unbeknownst-to-them-but-so-Harry-won�t-flip-that-she�s-walking-alone protective
group she was with seemed too lost in their conversations to notice the
argument between the Golden Couple in the abandon classroom.� They continued on to the Great Hall, while
the raven-haired beauty stopped just behind the door to listen.

�Of course you don�t know what I�m on about, Harry!� You�re never around, are you?� And if you are, you�re so distant it�s like
you�re not even there!� Ginny yelled, and Cho could tell the fifth year was
crying.

�Well, I have a lot on my mind, on my bloody shoulders,
don�t I?� I�m sure you know that!� I�m Harry Potter after all!� Harry yelled
back, surprising Cho that he would raise his voice to his girlfriend.� �Meant to save the bloody fucking world from
Voldemort even if it means risking my life, aren�t I?� As long as I die the hero everyone wants me
to be, then it doesn�t matter the hell I live through on a daily basis!� Right, Gin?�
As long as I stay the hero you�ve been crushing on for ages, it
doesn�t��

Cho heard a smack that nearly echoed in the quiet corridor
she stood in.� The Ravenclaw knew Harry�s
cheek was more than likely stinging; she could recognize the slap of her
assailant very well.

�How dare you say that to me, Harry?� Ginny growled, though
hurt was evident in her voice.� I�ve
loved you all this time for you, Harry!�
Not your hero status!�

Cho wondered how true that was.� If Ginny did love Harry for Harry, why didn�t
she recognize the pain he was going through?�
Why didn�t she do all she could to help him?� Why did she leave him alone enough to allow
him to seek help�elsewhere?� Then again,
that �elsewhere� was the only place Harry wanted to be when he was down.� That �elsewhere�, after a while, began to
accommodate the hurting hero, recognizing his woes, and doing all she could to
ease his pain.� Maybe all he needed was
�elsewhere�, because that�s the only thing that helped him, and that�s the only
thing he said�he wanted.

Cho began to wonder how this fight would end.� She ignored the sick pocket in her stomach as
a tiny glimmer of hope crept up into her chest.

�I�m�sorry about that�Ginny,� Cho heard Harry say, not as
strongly as he should be for the moment.�
�That was�uncalled for.�

�You�re bloody well right it was!� Ginny growled once again,
but Cho could almost hear the tears.

�But I�do have a lot on my mind and on my shoulders, don�t
I?� I can�t help that I may be�distant at
times��

�All the time!� Ginny interjected.� �And I�m well aware of what you�re going
through!�

�Not bloody likely,� Harry mumbled, Cho whispered.

�I heard that!� Ginny yelled, and for a moment, Cho thought
maybe she had meant her.� �Well, if I
don�t know, Harry, it�s all you�re fault, isn�t it?� You�re never around!� I can�t ever find your map when you disappear
to go brooding or whatnot to find you!�
You weren�t even heading toward dinner this evening!� I had to yank you out of the hallway!�� Cho smiled briefly, realizing Harry had the
same idea about dinner as she had.� �You
don�t talk to me!� You tell Ron and Hermione
everything!� I�m your blasted girlfriend,
aren�t I?�

Harry exhaled in frustration.� �I�don�t tell them�everything, believe me,
Ginny.� And there are certain things I
can talk about and some I can�t.� And
some I don�t want you to hear�because it�s�too horrible!� And that�s�BECAUSE you�re my�girlfriend that
I rather spare you those�details!� he explained, angrily.

Something about his words hurt the eavesdropping
Ravenclaw.� Harry had shared details with
Cho of the horrible battle in Diagon Alley and everything else that was hurting
him in his life.� Because of it, and
because he said he could only tell her those things, she felt�closer to her
assailant.� But if Ginny was spared those
details because she meant just that much more to Harry�

�Your girlfriend,� Ginny jeered.� �I�m barely that.� Do you know that people have asked me if
we�ve broken up?�

�I�� Harry began, sounding just as surprise as Cho looked
outside the door.

�Don�t sound so bloody surprise, Harry!� You barely treat me as such!� I�m like�Hermione to you without the perk of
being told everything that�s going on!� she added disdainfully.

�But�you are my�friend too, aren�t you?� Harry asked
desperately.� �That�s what a relationship
is, isn�t it?� A friendship with��

�NO!� Ginny interjected forcefully.� �A relationship is having someone to kiss me,
hug me, and tell me I�m�pretty!� the fifth year stated, before sobbing.� �We�ve�only made love twice,� she
sniffed.� �At most, you kiss me.� You kiss me breathless sometimes just out of
nowhere.� But�I don�t know�it�s like
you�re�distant even then�� Ginny sobbed.�

Suddenly, the redhead�s crying sounded muffled.� Cho didn�t know if Ginny was covering her
mouth with her hands as she cried or if the footsteps she heard just before
that were of Harry going to hold her.�
When she heard the shift in location of his voice, she knew it was the
latter.

�Don�t cry, please?� Harry begged soothingly, desperately,
and also slightly muffled.� Cho didn�t
want to imagine his face in the red hair of the Gryffindor girl.� �I�I�do think you�re�pretty, Ginny.� �

Cho heard Harry�s girlfriend grunt in disbelief.� �I don�t believe you��

�I�I do, honestly.� I
think you�re�beautiful, Gin,� Harry said.�
Now Cho thought she heard a slight ripping sound, or at least she felt
it in her chest.� �But look�Ginny, maybe we
should�not be�� I mean�maybe it�s�we�re
just not�work�� The eavesdropping
Ravenclaw held her breath outside the door as the glimmer of hope in her chest
became more pronounced then the aching, and she waited for Harry to continue.

But it wasn�t Harry�s voice she heard next.� �Mum and Dad�they were so�excited about�us,�
Ginny interjected, still muffled.�

�Mr. and Mrs. Weasley�are�happy about us?� Harry asked with
surprise.

��One big happy family�, Dad keeps writing in every
letter.�� The redhead sniffed hard.

�He�he does?� Harry asked quietly.

�Mum�cried, she said, when she read my first letter after
you asked me to be your�girlfriend��

Cho heard nothing but silence for agonizing five
seconds.� �Mrs. Weasley�cried?� he
interjected, sadly.

�She can�t�wait to see�the�happy couple over the
holidays.� How happy can we possibly be?�
Ginny sobbed once more.� Harry didn�t
respond, but it didn�t seem to matter to the crying girl.� �I mean�you�re more affectionate toward Cho
Chang then you are with me, aren�t you?�

Cho nearly slapped herself in the face in an effort to cover
her mouth from her pending gasp.� She
heard two footsteps and complete silence for a nerve-wrecking thirty
seconds.� �Ch-Cho�Chang?� she heard Harry
stutter her name.�� What�what do you
mean, Ginny?�

Cho heard the fifth year freely sniff with no strained from
being muffled in, possibly, Harry�s arms.�
�You know what I mean,� Ginny said.�
Cho wanted to burst through the door and tell the littlest Weasley to
stop being so dramatic and tell him already.

�I�don�t�� Harry barely said out loud.

Ginny sucked her teeth.�
�You called her �Love� on the Quidditch pitch after her game!� You�ve never called me �Love�, �Pet�, �Dear�,
ANYTHING!� And you bloody called that cow
�LOVE� twice!� Even after Cormac told you
not too!�

�First of all�she�s not a cow,� Harry said quickly,
quietly.� �And SECOND of all, I have no
intentions of EVER taking orders from the ruddy bastard McLaggen!� He�s lucky I didn�t tell him to fuck right
off!� he continued with more vigor.

�Are you�defending her?�
She�s not a cow?� After she got
you detention for trying to help her with Malfoy!� And not to mention��

�I�m NOT defending her!�
I�m just not going to take any advice from that git, is all!� Harry said
angrily.� �Son of a�� he mumbled.

�At LEAST Cormac is around!�
At LEAST he can understand my point of view on�things because he�s
AROUND to listen to me!� Ginny argued.�
Cho wondered if Harry was just as shocked as she was over Ginny�s
apparent friendship with Cormac. ��He�s
my friend!� And I don�t appreciate you
speaking so ill of him!� Besides, what
has he ever done to you?�

Cho held her breath once more.

�He�s�done enough,� he mumbled again.� �I just don�t appreciate him telling me what
I can call her and what I can�t.� Slimy
git.�

�Stop it, Harry!� Ginny scolded.� �He�s not a slimy git!� I don�t appreciate his taste in girls right
now, but there�s nothing wrong with him.�
Or are you jealous that he fancy�s Cho�and you do too?�

Cho wondered what the Golden Couple would do when they find
her blue in the face on the floor near the door, after never having been able
to take a decent breath through their argument.

�What�are you on about now, Ginny?� Harry asked, trying to
sound annoyed, but his anxiety was obvious to the Ravenclaw.

�Well, look at how easily you forgave her after Malfoy.� And what about last year for that
matter!� But I�ve seen you staring at
her, Harry.� I�m not blind.� You�still fancy her�don�t you?� Ginny
asked.� �Definitely more than me, at
least�� she added, whimpering once more.�
�I�love you�Harry.� I�ve�told
you�a million times.� I say
it�everyday.� You�ve�never�even said
it�once!� What�do you expect me to
think?� she cried.� �How do you�expect me
to feel?�

No words were spoken or heard for moment while Ginny sobbed
relentlessly.� Soon her sobs were muffled
once more.� �Ginny, I�I�m sorry about all
of this, really.� But�� and Cho thought
she could hear her assailant swallow hard, ��Love� is just�a name.� It didn�t mean�anything when I�said it to her�� Cho didn�t have to worry about her breathing
anymore, because the pain in her chest drowned that out.� �And�you don�t have to worry, I don�t�like�Cho
Chang.� Please believe me on that.� Ginny�I do�love�you.�

Cho�s eyes were suddenly drenched.� Her heart sank somewhere around her knees.� And the half of her soul that was healed from
his return, shredded and vanished inside her.

�You�mean that, Harry?� Ginny sobbed in whatever muffled her
voice.

�Yes,� Harry said.�
And Cho covered the sob ready to escape her own mouth.� She knew she should leave, but where she
wanted to go wasn�t far enough to escape herself or her pain.

Ginny sniffed hard.�
�Then, show me.� Take me
upstairs�to your room while everyone�s at dinner and�make love to me, Harry.�

Cho was sure her knees were going to give out from the level
of pain she was experiencing.� And it
only added insult to injury for the Ravenclaw when Harry finally agreed to
Ginny�s request.� Blessed with the
ability to finally move, the heartbroken seventh year nearly tripped as she ran
as fast as she could away from that door and down the corridor.

***********

The last time Cho cried this hard in her bed, she thought
Harry was dead.� But as she cried alone
in her room, Harry was in his room making love to his girlfriend.� Instead of having the blessing of being numb
from grief, the heartbroken seventh year felt the pain in every cell of her
body.� Her head was throbbing, her throat
was aching from screaming, and her bedcovers were all askew from her thrashing
around angrily in her bed when she thought of his words to his girlfriend.� �Love
is just a name�it didn�t mean anything when I said it to her�� I think you�re beautiful, Gin�� I don�t like Cho Chang�believe me�� Ginny, I love you��

Flashes in her mind of Harry in his bed touching, kissing,
loving Ginny, his girlfriend, and not Cho, made the Ravenclaw wail even louder
in her pillow.� She could see the fifth
year calling out Harry�s name in a manner she had done a million times
before.� She could see Harry kissing her
body then devouring her lips making the girl crave for him even more.� Finally, she could see Harry riding Ginny�s
insides and taking her to their own private place in Heaven.�

How could he want
her?� How could he touch her like he
touches me?� She can�t make him feel as
good I can!� He doesn�t want her!� He wants me!�
He�ll be�thinking of me when he�s�when he�s�making love to HER!�

The sick pocket in the pretty girl�s stomach had erupted,
and Cho ran for the bathroom becoming violently ill.

*****

Cho hadn�t slept the entire night.� Instead, the seventh year watched the canopy
of her navy blue hangings as silent tears soaked her temples, ears, hair, and
pillow.� She watched the darkness of her
room turn to light as she listened to her roommates talk about nothing to each
other as they got dressed that morning.�
She didn�t attempt to go to breakfast, knowing the smell of food may set
her stomach off, and knowing the sight of a happy Harry and Ginny would
definitely set her aching stomach off. �The Ravenclaw also stayed in bed for her
entire first class that Thursday morning, unable to face any part of her world
but her bed.� As she pulled herself out
of bed to attend her second class of the day, Cho was blessed only slightly
with numbness.� Slightly meaning she
couldn�t feel her entire body except the throbbing in her chest.� Cho wished, if anything, she couldn�t feel
that anymore.

Dragging herself through the halls alone, the Ravenclaw
wiped the silent tears away from her face.�
She was sure her eyes were puffy, and her skin was red from crying
giving her present emotional state away, but the seventh year was determined to
at least not show the tears.� Entering
her Arithmancy class, she barely felt the seat under her bottom, though her
blouse, her tie, and her sweater felt very restricting on her hurting chest.

�Did you hear me, Cho?� someone said, shaking her arm.� Cho turned her head to the side slowly to see
Constance sitting next to her.� The eyes of the raven-haired beauty laid on
her roommate, but didn�t quite registered her face.� �I said McGonagall is upset that you didn�t
attend class this morning.� I told her
that you hadn�t gotten up this morning or attended breakfast, so I guessed that
you were sick.� I don�t think she bought
it.� She gave me a note to give to
Flitwick.� Are you�ill, Cho?� You don�t look so good,� asked the other seventh
year.

�Fine�thanks,� Cho said vacantly, with an expression to
match her lifeless tone.

Constance looked as though
she didn�t believe her roommate. ��Right.�
Well, Terry was waiting for you this morning in the common room.� He didn�t make it to breakfast until it was
nearly over.� He asked us if you were all
right, and we told him you hadn�t gotten up this morning.�

Cho stared into the face of her friend but didn�t see
her.� She did nod when the girl finished
speaking.� �Okay, thank you,� Cho said in
the same tone as before.

Her roommate narrowed her eyes at her.� �Cho, are you sure�� But the words of the other Ravenclaw were cut
short when Professor Vector began class.

**********************

The mind of the Ravenclaw girl had been blank since she got
up that morning.� She hadn�t paid
attention to anyone speaking to her, any of her professors, or the rumbling in
her stomach.� It was when lunch was nearly
over as she sat alone in the cold on the front steps of the school that a
thought entered her mind.

You�re upset over
nothing� a voice told her a million miles away in her head.

Nothing?� He�� I
just felt sure he felt�

That�s just it though,
isn�t it?� YOU felt SOMETHING.� Doesn�t mean he should have!

But the�things
he�s�said to me�how he�s�treated�me�

TREATED YOU, EXACTLY!
the voice shouted in her mind.� He RAPED you several times!� How bloody daft can you be to feel�ANYTHING
for someone who�s�raped you?

She sniffed hard and swallowed.� How�do
you feel about him, Cho? she asked herself honestly.

I� she began in
her mind as images of Harry holding her, smiling at her, and caressing her
cheek flooded her.� But what was it that
she felt exactly?� What was it that she
felt sure Harry felt for her?� How could
an assailant feel anything for his victim?�
Why did the victim feel something for her assailant?� The pain coursing through the Ravenclaw�s
body wouldn�t allow her to verbalize the insanity.� I�feel strong
enough for him to make me hurt all over...�
He just�doesn�t feel the same�

Tears fell from Cho�s eyes.�
The cold December wind attempted to freeze the fresh liquid, but the
speed in which they fell wouldn�t allow it.

But�I am�his!� He said that! �He�s claimed every part of me, hasn�t he?

You�re right, you are
his!� His bloody fuck toy!� His faithful concubine!� His dirty whore!� You laid down and took it from him anytime he
wanted it!

Not�every time, just
when I�needed it, she thought, wiping tears away from her cheek.

Right, you went from
needing IT, to needing HIM!� Now look
where that has gotten you?� You�re alone,
in the cold, and he�s in love with�not you!

Cho covered her face as she began to weep loudly on the
stairs.� �I didn�t mean to�feel this way
about him!� she cried in her hands.� �How
could I be so stupid?�� Her chest was
throbbing hard through the coursing pain and it was the only feeling she
registered in the cold air.

Extremely stupid, it
would seem! she berated herself mentally.�
Your heart is hurting over your
rapist!� They�ve strapped him to a
fucking pedestal and you�ve paid the consequences!� Rape, threats and now�whatever�s happening in
your chest!� Which leaves you forgetting
that you were RAPED BY HIM!

But he�s�sorry for what
he�s done to me.� Isn�t he?

Did he ever say, �I�m
sorry for raping you, Love�?

Cho thought hard for a moment.� Harry had apologized for the many times he
hurt her feelings and the time he physically hurt her after he attacked Michael
and Vaisey.� But he never said those
exact words to her about his actions on the Hogwarts Express or the following
days until she willingly participated.

Well, he hasn�t said
it directly, but he has in round about ways.�
Especially after what happened with Crabbe and Goyle!� I mean, my God, if he didn�t care about me
why would he take that blasted curse off about the chickens?

Maybe he did that to
test you.� Maybe he wanted to make sure
you stayed under his control that you wouldn�t even report him to the proper
authorities once you were able too.� And
was he ever right in his hypothesis?� You
haven�t told a soul you haven�t erased the memory of, have you?�

At this admission to herself, the hurting seventh year dug
her nails into each forearm and dragged the sharp tips down her skin.� She couldn�t feel the sting, there was enough
pain coursing through her body to trump that, but sighed with relief when she
saw the angry red lines accented with peeking drops of bloods.� Something felt as though it was shutting off
in the logical mind of the Ravenclaw.�
Had she just hurt herself to punish herself for not reporting
Harry?� Had she just hurt herself for
crying over him?� Or had she hurt herself
because she believed all the sweet things he had said to her�and still felt
sure were true?

He said
I�m�beautiful.� I�m�gorgeous.� Why would he call me �Love� and no one else,
especially�?� I�m his��beautiful love�
remember?� Me�not�her!

Love is just a name,
remember?� Ginny is beautiful to him, he
said.� And he�loves�her, lest you forget?

Cho paused once more, sniffing hard and trying fruitlessly
to wipe the tears from her cheeks and chin.�
She stared blankly out into the frosty grounds of her school.

No!� I know he�cares�for me too, she decided
in her mind, her mind that felt as though it was slowly getting out of her
control.

Oh yeah, Cho?� He hasn�t seen you at breakfast, he hasn�t
seen you at lunch.� Didn�t he say he
checks his map hourly for you?� You could
be in the clutches of some goon, or having sex with Cormac; two things he checks
his map for to make sure you�re NOT doing.�
You�re all alone, sitting in the cold.�
Funny how he hasn�t found you yet?

Silent tears fell down the face of the seventh year as she
oddly chuckled to herself.� The sounds of
the birds flying over head were not heard, nor was the cold wind whipping
through the leafless branches of the forest trees.

I wonder if the Black Lake
has iced over completely� a tiny quiet voice asked in another part of her
mind.� And if it has�could my weight br�

Suddenly, Cho heard the main doors of the school creak
behind her.� Her heart thumped happily
for a single moment, feeling sure she knew who it was.� She wiped the tears away just in case Harry
would see her crying over him.

�Cho!� Holy fuck!� I�ve been searching all over for you!� yelled
a voice that wasn�t Harry.� One fresh
tear escaped Cho�s eye at this realization, and she quickly wiped it away.� Turning around, she saw Terry rushing toward
her, shivering already from the cold.� He
sat down next to his friend.� �Are you�alright?� You didn�t come down for breakfast, and I
thought perhaps you were with��others�.�
But when I went to breakfast��other people� were there.� Good thing you missed that�just want to say
that.� But when you didn�t come to lunch,
and Constance said you didn�t look well in classes this morning and that you
missed your first period when�no one else did�I was worried,� he explained, and
wrapped his arm around her shoulders.�
�What�s going on, Cho?� My God,
you�re shivering like mad!� Why are you
out here in the cold with nothing but you�re school cloak on?� Where�s your hat and gloves, for goodness
sakes?�

Cho turned her attention back to the frosty grounds
ahead.� �I don�t need them,� she said
blankly.� �I�can�t feel the cold.�� The Ravenclaw was not lying to her
friend.� She felt absolutely nothing but
the throbbing in her chest and now her head.

Terry stared worriedly at his friend.� �You�re�using a warming charm, then?� he
asked, hopefully, tentatively.� Cho took
a moment before she shook her head at the lawn.�
�Well, you bloody well need to Cho, you�re turning blue!� Terry
exclaimed, touching her cheek.� �And your
arms��

Cho pulled her head away from his touch.� �I�m fine,� she said snappishly.

The Ravenclaw boy exhaled.�
�No, you�re not!� I don�t know if
it has anything to do with what I saw in the Great Hall this morning, but
whatever it is, you�re not fine! And you�re not staying out here in this cold
any longer!� Come on!�� Terry stood up and struggled with the seventh
year to pull her up as well.� Throwing
her book bag over his shoulder, the sixth year nearly forced the pretty girl by
her own shoulders into the drafty, but warmer hallway of the school.

Upon reaching the Main Hall, the doors to the Great Hall
were open as a few students walked out of lunch early to pursue other things
before their next classes.� A few of
those students happened to be the Golden Trio and their fourth.� Cho�s red, puffy eyes met the emerald gaze
and cause of her pain.� He smiled briefly
before narrowing his eyes on her in what couldn�t be concern, Cho thought.� Then her red gaze landed on the redhead
latched to his side.� But the redhead
only saw the person she was attached too.

The Ravenclaw wished that her male counterpart would have
just left her outside in the freezing cold.�
She didn�t need to see this, him, THEM.�
The filling of her tear ducts made the seventh year squirm slightly in
Terry�s arms.� Cho needed out, needed to
get away, needed to possibly listen to that tiny quiet voice in the back of her
mind. �But she�d be damned if she let
Harry and his crew see her crying, though they wouldn�t know what it was for,
she just couldn�t have that.� And as
Harry�s eyes bore into her, the wheels in the Ravenclaw�s mind churned for an
idea.� Suddenly, it appeared just behind
the Golden Trio and their fourth.

�Cormac, hang on!� Cho called out, seeing Cormac�s tall form
behind the group, looking longingly at the back of the redhead in Harry�s
arm.� But the call of the raven-haired
beauty caught his attention and he smiled at the approaching girl.� �Hey,� Cho said, forcing herself to sound
happy.� Terry, who was out of breath from
running to catch up with her, stood puffing beside her.

�Hiya, Jiao!� Cormac smiled.�
�Missed you in Transfigurations this morning.�

Cho could feel eyes watching her.� She glanced quickly to the side to see Harry
staring back at her as he walked with his group.� He didn�t look happy.� Join
the club, Cho thought evilly.� �Yes,
I�m sorry I missed it.� Didn�t feel well
this morning but�I�m feeling much better now that I�ve seen you,� she flirted.

�What?� asked Terry in utter confusion beside her.

The seventh year girl turned to her friend and smiled.� �Oh, Terry, stop acting so silly,� she said
to him, hitting him playfully in the chest.�
�Don�t mind him, Cormac.� I
promised that I�d hang out with him for the rest of the lunch period, but now
that I�ve seen you, I rather go wherever you�re going�� she smiled, snaking her
scratched arm around Cormac�s well-defined one.�
�You�understand, don�t you, Terry?� Cho asked, her eyes pleading in
secret to her best friend.

�Not in the slightest!� began Terry, earnestly.� �Then again, I�m a pouf, aren�t I?� I wasn�t meant to understand girls!� So, right.�
Here, mate,� he said, handing Cormac Cho�s book bag.� �She�s all yours.� Cho, I�ll figure you out later�I mean, I�ll
talk to you later,� said Terry, waving as he walked away shaking his head.

Cho giggled, forcefully, but did nonetheless.� �He�s silly, that one.� So where were you headed?� she asked the tall
boy.

Cormac shrugged his shoulders.� �Well, nowhere really.� But we can go wherever you wish.� Or we could�just go for a walk before Potions
if you like?� he asked, touching her hand that was holding his bicep.

�Brilliant.� Let�s�go
then.�

As the two walked though the corridors, Cho held Cormac�s
arm.� However tightly she held on, it
didn�t stop the Ravenclaw from thinking about her assailant.� Flashes of him and his redheaded growth
walking out the Great Hall made the seventh year girl cling even tighter to the
seventh year boy.� �You know, Jiao,�
Cormac said, breaking the silence of their walk, �I�didn�t think you wanted to
see me again or something��

�Why on earth did you think that?� Cho asked, honestly
confused.

�Well, after I asked you to Slughorn�s party, you haven�t
even so much as looked at me.� You�ve
been flashing that lovely smile of yours all over the place but never at
me.� I thought, perhaps, you were seeing
another bloke you fancied more,� explained the seventh year boy.

I am�I mean, was�but
you�re going help me get over him� Cho thought with determination.

�I�m�sorry, Cormac,� Cho said, stopping their walk.� �I didn�t mean to make you feel that
way.� May I�make it up to you?�

Cormac smiled as he blushed.�
�Well, you�re still coming to the party with me, aren�t you?� he asked.

�Of course.� I plan to
wear something very lovely�just for you,� she said, feeling sick to her stomach
again as she smiled.

�That�s all I need then,� Cormac said, shrugging his
shoulders.

Cho took a deep breath for her pending actions.� �Really?�
I couldn�t add to it just a little more, could I?�� With that, she slowly snaked her arms around
his neck and pulled him down toward her lips.�

The Ravenclaw found it difficult to kiss him�well, to mean
it like she had in the past.� But she was
determined.� I can do this, I can do this, I can do this� she repeated to
herself.� And she continued to kiss him
until she could without the chant in her mind.�
Well, at least until the next bell rang for class.

****

Cho had made it through the rest of her day without another
tear.� She stayed with Cormac after each
class and even had him sit with her at the Ravenclaw table during dinner.� The pretty girl even insisted that they study
together in the library that evening.�
Not once did she look for or toward her assailant.� Not once did her heart stop hurting.� But Cormac would work as her savior.� Harry�s Perfect Imperfection decided she was
determined to make it so at any costs as she forced herself to kiss him good
night that evening.� At least he had
managed to silence that scary tiny voice in the back of her mind�for the time
being.

**************************

Lying in her bed in the middle of the night unable to sleep,
Cho wiped away silent tears as she listened to the gentle breathing of her
roommates.� Suddenly, she heard a tiny
click of the bedroom door.� Cho knew all
her roommates were accounted for and presently sleeping in their beds.� So she knew that click of the door was the
person she had been hurting for all day.�
Cho turned to her side and pretended to sleep.

It wasn�t long before she felt the gentle breeze of her
curtains being opened, and her bed shifting from an additional person.� Her mind reeled at what she should do at the
moment because she knew if she gave into him and allowed him to make love to
her, she�d be in more pain by morning.�
The Ravenclaw felt like her insides were torn to shreds already.� To allow him to have sex with her, the way he
had sex with her, the way he made her feel when they had sex together, would surely
emphasize her pain to the point of immobility.

When Harry pulled back the covers and climbed inside, Cho
knew she had to think fast.� Soon, his
arm was over her waist, and his body, and erection, was pressed up against
her.� Her body normally cheered when it
recognized Harry�s heat, but not this time.�
Well, her mid-section cheered, but her heart�s pain overpowered her
natural desire.

His lips gently caressed her cheek.� �Wake up, Beautiful,� he whispered, and Cho
willed her tears not to fall from her eyes.�
In her effort to keep from crying, she hadn�t responded to him.� Surely feeling she was still asleep, the
Ravenclaw felt Harry�s lightly calloused hand slide down the side of her body
until it reached the end of her gown.�
Pulling up the end, his hand glided up her leg, over her hip, and she
was sure it was heading toward her breast.�
Cho�s hand moved into action.

�Harry!� Cho said, grabbing his hand on her belly.� �No.�

Harry snorted behind her.�
�No?� What do you mean �no�, Love?�
he asked.

Cho exhaled angrily.�
�Just as it sounded; no.� I�m�not
in the mood.�

�Not in the mood?� he whispered.

Cho huffed.� �Stop
repeating every damn thing I say!� she whispered loudly.

�What�s wrong, Cho?� he asked, sitting up on his elbow, and
trying to lean her on her back by her shoulder.�
But the Ravenclaw stayed on her side.�
�Love?�

�Stop calling me�� she stopped herself, and took a
breath.� �I�m�not in the mood,
Harry.� Why is that so hard to
understand?�

�Because I�ve never known you not to be in the mood unless
you�re ticked at me, is why.� Or
perhaps�you�re a bit worn from being with McLaggen ALL day?� he asked with
hidden accusations tainting his tone.

The Ravenclaw swallowed hard.� How
dare he get jealous?� He doesn�t even
like me!

No, but he does
possess you, doesn�t he?

Not anymore.

�And if I were, it would be none of you�re concern, would
it?� she said toward her dark navy blue hangings.

�The hell it wouldn�t!� he said angrily.

Finally something sparked in Cho�s mind before she retorted
angrily.� Just because you don�t think he has the right to be possessive over you
anymore, doesn�t mean he doesn�t think he shouldn�t be possessive over you
anymore.� Remember, Cho, he�s disturbed,
this one.� If you make him too angry
about Cormac straightaway, there will be no more Cormac.� Gradually ease him into leaving you alone,
and getting use to seeing you with Cormac.

The seventh year finally turned on her back in the dark
bed.� �Harry, I�ve done nothing with
Cormac I haven�t done already.� Now
please, go back to your Tower.� I�m�not
in the mood tonight�unless you plan on�raping�me for old time�s sakes�� She may have been speaking in a gentle tone,
but she knew the words would come off as a little harsh to the Gryffindor.� When he fell silent, she was sure she was
right.

�Cho�where�has this come��
I would never force you�again.�
You know that, don�t you, Beautiful?��
The slight bit of pain she heard in the Boy Hero�s voice was quickly
dismissed as fear of getting caught.�
However, it didn�t cause any less joy in the seventh year hearing it.� If she hurt, he needed to as well.

The pretty girl was silent for a moment, looking at his
outline above her.� �Right, Harry,� she
said languorously.� �So off to bed, then;
I�m completely knackered. �Night,� Cho
added dismissively, turning over on her side once more.

�But, Cho�� he protested, touching her shoulder, �we�don�t
have to make lo��

�Night, Harry,� she repeated, interrupting him.� �Besides, I�m sure Ginny can take care of
that erection.� That�s what you�re here
for, right?� Just sneak up her stairs and
let her have a go at it,� Cho said casually, feeling the bile bubbling in her
stomach.

There was silence for an entire minute and Cho wasn�t sure
what Harry was doing, deciding or what.�
Then she felt him lean down and kiss her cheek once more.� Instinctively, she pushed her head further
into the pillow to get away from him.�
Harry hovered over her cheek for a moment having more than likely
noticed her reaction to his kiss.�
�Good�night, Cho,� he said before pausing for another moment, then
getting out of her bed.

When the seventh year girl heard her bedroom door click
again, she pulled her wand from under her pillow, placed a silencing charm on
her curtains, and cried until morning.

*********************************************************************

Friday morning�s walk to breakfast with Terry was another
silent one.� When the two entered the
Great Hall, they sat down and began choosing their meal from the variety on the
table without saying a word.� Finally as
Cho prepared her bowl of cereal, not having once glanced at the Gryffindor
table, she saw Terry place his fork down on his plate and turn to her.

�So, should I even ask?� he huffed.

Cho glanced at her friend then back down at her swirling
circles of oats in her bowl.� �Probably
best not too,� she answered her breakfast.

Terry nodded.� �All
right, I won�t.� But Cho,� he lowered his
voice, �if there�s anyone you can talk too about�these things��

�I know it�s you, Terry,� she whispered back.� �And thank you so much for that, and
not�pushing me for�answers.�

�Right,� he conceded quietly.� �Okay, Cho,� Terry sighed and went back to
his cereal.

****

Cho had successfully stayed on Cormac�s heels all day,
forcing herself to see the things she saw before she developed nonsensical
feelings for the highly disturbed Harry Potter.�
Cormac�s sweetness was still there, his looks, his consideration for
her, but he still wasn�t�Harry.�

That�s the bloody
fucking point, isn�t it? she scolded herself.� He�s
not Harry.� He�s actually someone worth
while.

Yeah, but he fancies
Ginny just as much as Harry does, doesn�t he? she admitted to herself.

Who cares?� He�s my salvation until I leave this ruddy
torture chamber.

Speaking of leaving,
the holidays are coming up, so you�ll have even more time to heal.

I�ll be counting down
the days until then.

But in all her efforts to stay near Cormac, they didn�t have
Herbology together, so the Ravenclaw was alone after class.� That was fine for her, because the plant they
were trying to study had long peachy vines.�
Flashes of Hagrid�s hut entered Cho�s mind, and by the end of class, the
pretty girl needed a place to rid herself of several tears.� She held them back as she jogged through the
halls, watching the ground on her way.��
However, her refusal to pay attention to where she was going caused her
to crash into someone.

�My God, Love, I know you miss me, but you don�t have to
knock me down!� Harry laughed.� Cho
looked up into the green eyes she had been trying her best to avoid.� Quickly, she looked around for someone else,
anyone else to be in the hall so that she may have an excuse to get away from
him.� There was no one.� She was all alone with the boy she hated
and�the opposite of hate.

God, give me strength!
Cho prayed in her mind.� Please� she added and exhaled heavily as
Harry�s arms closed around her waist.

Before she realized it, Cho was up against the wall with
Harry�s face tucked into her neck.�
�Mmmm,� he grunted on the pale column he was already gently
tasting.�

With her arms against his chest trying to apply some
pressure to keep his body from being totally flush against hers, Cho bit her
lip as he bit her neck.� Please, please, please� she continued to
beg the higher power, needing anything to give her the ability to get away from
him, and from her wanting him.

�I missed you, Love,� he whispered in her neck, before
licking up her skin until he got to her earlobe.

Please, please,
please�

�Harry�please�let me go,� she whispered and felt in more reasons
than one.

She wasn�t sure if he was ignoring her, or hadn�t heard
her.� But Harry�s kisses slowly began to
trail down to her cheek, then up to her temple.�
He made sure to nuzzle his nose in her hair and take a hard, purposeful
sniff.� �Mmmm,� he grunted once more. �The soft lips of her assailant then trailed
down her cheek again until they rested and caressed the side of her tautly
closed mouth.� �I can�t wait until
tomorrow, Beautiful��

Maybe his words were the blessing she was asking for because
the Ravenclaw pushed as best she could with her forearms, pulling him away from
her mouth.� �Tomorrow?� she asked,
completely confused.� The seventh year
wished she hadn�t watched Harry�s lips smile.�
Well, the other option was his
eyes, wasn�t it?� One look into those
bleeding gorgeous things and all hope would be lost� she thought.

�Yes, tomorrow,� Harry�s smile said huskily.� She could feel his erection on her lower
stomach and she started her prayer once more.�
�Hogsmeade�s tomorrow, isn�t it?�
Can�t believe you�ve forgotten.�
Well, I haven�t,� Harry said proudly.�
Cho had completely forgotten about Hogsmeade weekend while dealing with
her broken heart.� �And I have our entire
day already planned out.� First,� he
pulled her even closer placing a light kiss on her forehead while grinding his
hard on just a little more into her belly.�
��we�ll go to the Room of Requirement and make love for the rest of the
morning.� Then,� he kissed her temple,
�Dobby will bring us lunch, and we�ll make love again.�� He snorted lightly.� �Then, MAYBE, you�ll bless us with a nap just
to reenergize.�� He kissed the tip of her
nose and giggled.� �And finally, we�ll
make love once more,� he whispered.� �By
the end of that, perhaps everyone will be back from Hogsmeade.� I don�t really care if they are or not,
because I�ve already asked Dobby to bring us dinner as well.� And maybe,� he suddenly sounded nervous, but
Cho hadn�t notice because her prayers were echoing loudly in her head, �you�ll
let us�stay the night?� Nearly a full day
alone with you, Love, will drive me mad if I have to spend the night without my
beautiful��

A sharp pain through the already dull throbbing chest of the
Ravenclaw had really been the answer to her prayers.� Cho pushed even harder with her forearms, and
it managed to pushed Harry from being flush against her.� He still had his hands on her arms however,
but the distance was enough to allow her to breath.� �No�I�can�t�uh�do that with you tomorrow,
Harry,� she told his tie, his eyes, his tie again.

�What?� Harry asked disappointment evident in his face and
voice.� �But, Love, we�planned this�after
our lunch�d-date, remember?�

Cho looked into the eyes of the Boy Hero with no desire to
look away.� She saw the disappointment
lingering in the green, and she found strength from it.� Her heart was still hurting but if she could
make him feel even an inkling of what she was, Cho would actually sincerely,
not-fake-for-Cormac�s-sake, smile.�
�Date?� That�s exactly it, isn�t
it?� I have a date.� A proper,�
she added, pointedly, �date for Hogsmeade this weekend.�� She wasn�t sure Harry�s eyebrows could furrow
any more without knocking his glasses off his face.� �And because of my pending date next Saturday
for the party, I must�pick up my dress�I�ve already chosen for�Cormac.� Then afterward, I�m to meet up with Cormac
at�Madam Puddiefoot�s.� So you�ll
understand that I can�t very well keep our little barely serious
engagement.�� Cho tried to keep the grin
tugging at the corner of her mouth at bay as she watched the growing hurt in
the Gryffindor�s eyes.� �And besides,
Harry, you can�t possibly be that hard up for a go.� I mean, I haven�t had sex since you took me
in your common room, but I�m sure you
haven�t suffered that long, have you?� she added, knowing the answer.

�Well�I�� he began.

Lie to me, Harry,
she begged in her mind.� Lie straight to my face please, so that I
can use your deceit to ease my pain.�
Please, Harry, lie to me�

�Well, uh�no.� But��
he barely said out loud, �you�promised.�
I mean, when will I ever get the opportunity to spend an entire day
with��

Irritated by his honesty, Cho still managed to narrowed her
eyes in confusion as she gently pulled Harry�s hands away from her arms.� �Hmm, funny, I don�t remember promising you,
Harry.� I may have said �okay� but I
don�t believe I promised you anything.�
I�m sure you can appreciate that.�
Besides,� she exhaled sympathetically and moved from the space he had
her against the wall while patting his shoulder.� �The only reason you�re�free�is because Ginny�s
buying you a gift,� she said, shrugging her shoulders.� �If she decided otherwise ten minutes before
we were to meet, you�d cancel on me, wouldn�t you?� Cho asked nonchalantly,
backing slowly away from him down the hall.�
�I wouldn�t expect anything less.�
She is your girlfriend after all.��

Before Cho turned her back on him, Harry�s mouth was gaping
in surprise, and his eyes were narrowed in either pain or disbelief.� Either way, the Ravenclaw fed on the power of
his pain.�

�Love�� Cho heard him barely call out for her.

�Bye, Harry,� she said, her chest still aching but with a
smile on her face.� Now all she had to do
was ask Cormac to Hogsmeade for tomorrow.�
And Cho noticed she didn�t feel like crying anymore.

************

�Going to Hogsmeade tomorrow, Terry?� Cho asked at dinner
that evening.

Terry choked on his pumpkin juice at his best friend�s
question.� �I�uh,� he sputtered, turning
slightly around to peek at the table of green and silver behind him.� �No�no, I�m�going to be�a bit busy tomorrow.� W-why do you ask?�

�Just curious,� Cho snorted lightly at her friend, and tried
to ignore the wave of jealousy that eased through the ever-present throbbing in
her chest.� She had a pretty good idea of
what Terry�s tomorrow would consist of.�
She would have had a wonderful, blissful, heart-ache inducing tomorrow
as well.� Cho tried to ignore the
would-be images of her and Harry making love, talking, laughing, cuddling, and
repeating the actions a few times over in the Room of Requirement.� But she also knew that had he not already
shattered her heart, by the end of their blissful Saturday, that would have
more than likely ended sometime late Sunday morning, her feelings for him would
have been realized.� The Ravenclaw didn�t
know when her feelings for Harry had changed exactly.� She hadn�t even allowed herself to identify
what they were�.exactly.� But whatever
they may be, she wished she could still ignore them.

�Curious, indeed,� Terry muttered distantly, looking ahead
of them.� �Or is it just plain suicidal?�

His female friend narrowed her eyes in confusion.� �What are you on about, Terry?�

Terry tilted his head forward lightly and looked from Cho to
the Gryffindor table.� Cho followed his
trail of sight and found what he was �on� about.� A distraught looking Harry was staring
blatantly back at her while Ginny spoke animatedly by his side to someone
else.� �Does he want people to notice?�

The pretty brown eyes of the girl met the green, and oddly red,
eyes of her assailant.� Though her heart
hurt, she felt that tiny sense of joy noticing the pain in his eyes while he
stared at her.� �Nothing for anyone to
notice, is there?� she replied to Terry though still looking toward Harry.� �Reckon someone should clean their glasses so
that they maybe able to see the obvious.�
Pass the potatoes, won�t you, Terry?� she said, looking away from Harry
and reaching across her friend for the food item.
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