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Practicing Liars	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 63257 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I am not making any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 21
- 22
- 23
Thank you again for all the reviews!

Chapter Twenty-Two�A Conversation
Harry Does Not Want to Have

�� Harry kept
his head bowed as Snape pushed him into his office, but looking meek was
another way to throw them off-guard. He had
to get away. He would worry about using Memory Charms on them�well, at
least on Snape, to make him forget what he�d seen�later. For now, he needed to
be free.

�� Snape
lifted his hand from Harry�s shoulder so that he could turn and lock the door. �Harry thought he heard him putting up
silencing charms, too. Probably so that
no one can hear me screaming when he rapes my mind.

�� Harry spun
around and launched his wand straight into his grip with a hasty movement of
his arm. �Impedimenta!� he shouted.

�� The hex
went wide, but it distracted Snape, who ducked instinctively. Harry sprang past
him, his mind working. He had to undo the locking and silencing charms, but he
had practiced on those before, he could do them in his sleep, he wouldn�t have
to pause for long�

�� Someone grabbed
his arm, and Harry tried to strike backwards with his elbow, thinking it was
Snape. With luck he would hit the bastard in the groin.

�� But an
anguished voice said, �Potter,� and
Harry paused. Draco was looking at him with wide, pained eyes.

�� That
distracted Harry long enough that, by the time he remembered and turned around
to face the door, Snape was on his feet again. His face was utterly smooth and
cold, and Harry did his best to brace himself. Uncle Vernon had only looked
like that once or twice. When he had, Harry had wound up with no food for three
days and bruises when his uncle shoved him hard into the cupboard.

The voice of experience tried to
tell him that he had seen Snape look like that before and it had never resulted
in something similar. But Harry reminded the voice of experience that Snape
hadn�t known he was related to Harry before this. He seemed to think he had
some kind of special right just because
he knew about something that had happened more than sixteen years ago.

Almost
seventeen. Why couldn�t he not have found out about this until I was seventeen?
Then I�d be free of him.

�There will be no running from
this, Mr. Potter,� Snape said softly. He hesitated, then added, �If that
continues to be your name.�

�It will,� Harry countered
immediately and furiously. He had to stand still for the moment because Draco
was holding onto him, but he�d already identified the way he was going to move
when they relaxed again. He had to
get out of here. �James Potter was my father. Not you. I don�t care about sperm
or blood or however you�re going to talk about it. A father is someone who
would love you and die protecting you, and that�s what he did. Don�t pretend
you�re anywhere near that.�

There was a dark flare in Snape�s
eyes. Harry tried not to hold his breath, because that would show Snape he was
acting expectant. Good. Just let your
anger control you. That�s all I�m asking for.

�� Of course
he�s your father,� Draco said impatiently. �He�s part of you. You can�t deny that. But I�m more interested in what
you discovered in the library, sir. What did you mean when you said that he was
planning to die?�

�� Harry
clenched his fists. He hadn�t meant it to happen like this. Now the revelation
would hurt Draco, and Harry hadn�t done any work yet to prepare him for the
news of Harry�s death or the fact that he would have to stand on his own two
feet.

�� Though he
knew it wouldn�t do any good, Harry looked at Snape and tried to make his gaze
speak for him. Spare him this. Lie, for
his sake. Hurt and punish me all you like, because you probably think I deserve
it, but don�t tell him the truth when he can�t do anything about it anyway.

*

�� Severus
didn�t need Legilimency to understand the desperation in the boy�s eyes. And he
didn�t need all the intelligence he possessed to know how the boy would react
when Severus refused to respond.

�� But things
had accelerated to a point that Severus no longer believed matters would
improve if simply left alone. He met the boy�s gaze, shook his head once, and
then turned to Draco, who seemed much further along the road to acceptance of Severus�s
role in Potter�s life than Potter himself did.

�� It seems
that Mr. Potter is convinced he has to die to save everyone else,� Severus
murmured, �because he carries a piece of the Dark Lord�s soul within him. I
have heard of such artifacts, called Horcruxes, but I did not know that the
Dark Lord had made them or that he could make one out of a living being.�

�� Draco�s
eyes widened to the point where Severus wondered if he would need another
Calming Draught. But Draco instead shivered, stood up straight, and faced Potter,
intensifying his grip until Potter winced.

�� Why didn�t
you tell me?� Draco whispered.

�� Potter
hunched his shoulders and snapped, �Because Dumbledore told me not to. And because
it�s not something I can just announce, is it? �Oh, sorry, Draco, but I�m going
to die soon, and while it�s for a great cause, to save the world and all, I�m
afraid that means we won�t be able to be friends?�� He dropped the ridiculously
high-pitched voice he�d been using and snorted. �Yeah, that would have gone
over well.�

�� He bit his
lip when he finished, as if afraid that he would say something he didn�t mean
to say if he went on, and shot Severus another glare. He was shivering, though
the tremor was so fine Severus would not have been surprised if Draco hadn�t
yet noticed it. Potter�s eyes opened and closed several times, and he was
hanging onto his sanity by a series of shaky breaths, it seemed. The Calming
Draught�s effect had already ceased.

�� That should not happen save in the face of
deep and severe panic, Severus thought, or
bottled emotions emerging after too long and savage a bottling. Albus, you have
much to answer for.

�� The anger
within him gathered more strength, drawing it up from deep within him, from
sources untouched for all the years since his mother had died. But he was not
in front of Albus at the moment, and he had to deal with both Potter and with
Draco�s reaction to Potter�s news.

�� You�believed
him?� Draco demanded. �Without proof?�

�� Potter gave
Draco a horribly twisted smile. Severus cocked his head. Have his expressions had that tinge of me, and of Slytherin House,
about them all along, or am I exaggerating what is there in the service of
claiming him?

�� What
reason would he have to lie?� Potter asked simply. �He cares for me. I know
that. He made it abundantly clear last year.� He shut his eyes and said nothing
for a moment. Severus thought he was endeavoring to regain his strength. Potter
always seemed to believe that he should be strong. �Yes, I�m certain. And I
know that he had to destroy the other Horcruxes�and I had to destroy one of
them�to reduce the threat of Voldemort. Why should I be the exception? I�ll have
to be destroyed like the others, and the only way to destroy a living being is
to kill it.�

�� Not the only way, Severus thought idly,
memories of what he had done as a Death Eater rushing back to him, but Draco
was speaking and, from the tone of his voice, Severus might need to step in
soon to prevent violence.

�� You obeyed
him. You kept this a secret.� Draco was digging his nails into Potter�s arm
now, and seemed oblivious of Potter�s sharp hisses and attempts to pull free. �Even
when you knew that you�d have to die, and that the burden of keeping the secret
would probably kill you before then.�

�� It would
not fucking kill me,� Potter said flatly, hauling on his arm as though he
wanted to get away from Draco. Severus could not blame him. He had seen some of
what Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy had done when they wore expressions half as
upset as Draco wore now. �You�re being melodramatic.�

�� I�m being melodramatic,� Draco said, and
his voice lowered and quivered.

�� Severus
moved before Potter could think to, raising a Shield Charm between the two
boys. Draco�s irritated growl and sudden lunge were enough to make it crack and
quiver but not break. Potter started and looked over his shoulder at Severus,
then changed his drop-jawed, wide-eyed expression to a sneer when he realized
who he had to thank for his safety. He turned back to Draco as if nothing had
happened.

�� Yes, you
are,� Potter said doggedly. �It made my life difficult, but it wasn�t killing me. For all I know, I have to
die in some special way to make sure that the piece of Voldemort�s soul in me
is gone. Do you think I�d do something that would kill me before then? Willingly?�

�� Draco shook
his head. His grey eyes were wide and nearly blind with fury. Severus paused,
then stepped back, although he left the Shield Charm up. He thought it best to
retreat at the moment and let Draco have the chance to convince Potter. He
looked like the one who would make the best use of it.

�� And that�s
all you care about, is it?� Draco asked. �Dying so that you can play your final
part as a martyr and a heroic sacrifice? Because of course what Dumbledore says
must be true. There can�t be another way around this, another way that we can
destroy him without ending your life. You just gave in and listened
to him, in a way that you never listen
to any of the professors.� He shook
his head again, hands clenched so hard that Severus wondered if he would have
to patch up that bloody wound in a
short time as well.

�� I know why
you did it,� Draco continued, in a voice that made Potter wince as if he stood
under a winter wind. �Because it gave you glory in a way that working to find a
way around your �fate� wouldn�t. Because you wanted the glamour of playing the
martyr. Because someone can ask you to die and you�re all for it, but Merlin
forbid that you should have to choose life.�

�� That�s not
true!� Potter said hotly, and he could still meet Draco�s eyes without looking
down in shame, so Severus supposed that Draco�s scolding was not as effective
as he had hoped. �It�s just the way things have to be! I�d have thought you�d
be pleased, if anything, because I�m not denying reality the way you like to
accuse me of doing with regard to him.�
He gave his head a little toss at Severus, apparently too offended to speak of
him directly.

�� Pleased,�
Draco whispered, in a tone so hollow that not even Potter could have failed to
notice what his words had done to the other boy. Draco turned away and bowed
his head, rubbing one hand across his forehead as though he, like Potter, might
feel headaches induced by the Dark Lord.

�� I�m not�I didn�t
mean it that way.� Potter stared at Draco, but didn�t touch him. Perhaps even
he, blind fool that he was, could tell that that would bring on an explosion. �I
just meant that I�ve done stupid things so often. This is the one time that I�m
trying to live up to being an adult. I�ve tried to act better and more adult
ever since Sirius died.� His voice sharpened into something that Severus
recognized as yearning rather than anger, though to uneducated ears they might
sound the same. �I�ve studied Defense more closely and mastered spells that I
thought I couldn�t do yet. I�ve taught other people to defend themselves more
effectively than they could do last year. And I was willing to die. That�s
enough, isn�t it? What else do I have to do
to show that I take my burdens seriously?�

�� Be my
friend,� Draco said, with the directness that Severus could not have mustered
no matter how much he might want to have a connection to Potter. �Stay alive
and be with me.�

�� Potter
sighed and touched his scar. It looked like an unconscious gesture, and Severus
only wondered that he had never seen the boy using it before. �I wish it was
that simple,� he whispered. �I don�t want to die.� There was that yearning
again. �But no one can do anything to help. If there was a way around this,
then I�m sure Dumbledore would have mentioned it. He�s a powerful wizard, and
he�s more than a hundred years old, and he knows all about spells and magical
theory and Horcruxes. If he doesn�t think there�s a way, or even the possibility
of one, then how can there be one?�

�� Potter
bowed his head a little, and Draco looked at him in what seemed like the
silence of dismay. Severus allowed himself a moment to respect the tableau
before he broke it.

�� There
speaks the glory of the martyr again, Potter,� he said crisply. �There are many
things that not even the Headmaster knows. He does not have my depth and
knowledge of Potions, because he never attained his own mastery. If you want to
live, then you must ask for help, from those best-suited to help you.�

*

�� Draco, who
had been feeling as though all the tears he hadn�t shed when his father died�all
the tears he would ever shed in his life�would rise up and overwhelm him any
minute, found himself exhaling hard in relief.

�� Of course. I should have thought of that.
Professor Snape is brilliant. If Potter resists looking for a way himself,
other people will just have to do it for him.

�� He looked
back at Potter in time to see him fling a burning glance at Professor Snape.
His teeth were clenched and his hair straggling around his head, making him
look deranged. Draco reached out and smoothed a lock of that black hair flat
before he could stop it.

�� Potter
jerked and then turned to look at him. Draco frowned. He didn�t like the
hostility in Potter�s eyes. He was used to getting gentle and protective
expressions from him lately, and he wanted them back.

�� Listen to
him,� Draco said gently. �Even if you hate him, that doesn�t mean he�s wrong.
He could help us, and you could live. The way you want to,� he added, because Potter
seemed like he might have forgotten that in his sheer hatred.

�� I�m not,�
Potter said, and he was practically chewing the words as he spoke, �going to
listen to him.�

�� Why?�
Draco demanded, thoroughly exasperated. He hated the fact that Potter had
wanted to die, that was the important thing, but the fact that Potter was
denying his heritage could still infuriate him. �Does it matter who helps you
to survive as long as someone does?�

�� Yes,� Potter said, and then pivoted to
face Snape. �You only want to have power over me, to make me grateful so that
you can reject me when it would hurt most. I know how people like you work. I
know what you want from me, and I don�t see why I should give it to you.�

�� Draco found
himself cowering instinctively. He never would have defied Professor Snape, but
more to the point, he was imagining what would have happened if he talked to
his father like that. Lucius would not have cursed him�such things only
happened to the unluckier people in Slytherin House�but he would have had a
terrible, cool glare and silence that made Draco feel like a Muggle for days
afterwards.

�� Professor
Snape had probably anticipated Potter�s reaction and decided to control
himself, because there was no sign of his anger other than a slight twitch of
his hand towards his wand. His voice was deeper than Draco was used to hearing,
but that might simply be because he was showing more emotion. �People like me,
Potter. What does that mean? I know full well that none of the other professors
in the school treat you as I�have treated you in the past.�

�� Oh, like
you�re going to stop,� Potter
snarled, stepping forwards.

�� Even Draco,
inexperienced as he was compared to Professor Snape in the way that people
moved and worked, saw that for the deflection it was. Potter�s eyes had widened
in a panic as the professor spoke. He wanted attention on something, anything,
other than the answer to the question Snape had just asked.

�� What do
you mean by people like him?� Draco asked, and tried to keep his voice as calm
and interested as possible, rather than displaying the stronger emotions that
he felt. He thought Potter would back off faster than Draco could control if he
heard Draco�s real tone.

�� It didn�t
work, or at least not the way Draco wanted it to. Potter twisted around to face
him. �No,� he said. �Nothing more. You�ve made me tell you what Dumbledore told
me not to tell anyone. Fine. I�ve
betrayed that, and there�s nothing I can do about it now, thanks to his prying arse.� The loathing in the
look he turned on Professor Snape was terrifying. �But I don�t have to give you
any of my other secrets.�

�� Ah, it is
a secret then,� Professor Snape said, in a hunter�s tone, stepping closer. �Would
this have something to do, as well, with why you continue to think that I will
hurt you no matter what happens, no matter what the nature of our connection to
one another? Could the people that you see my reflection in be your family?�

Draco had never seen anyone move so
fast as Potter did then.

*

�� Harry felt
as though his heart was going to explode through his chest, as though his lungs
would never draw breath again but only pain, as though his eyes were bleeding
fire.

�� But where
his body was shaking on the edge of beakdown and exhaustion, his mind was
blessedly clear.

�� Silence Snape. It doesn�t matter how.

�� He drew his
wand and pointed it at Snape, shouting the only spell he could think of that
would shut him up forever. �Sectumsempra!�

�� Draco�s
gasp was the loudest thing in the room after his shout. Snape lifted his wand
and deflected the spell with a shield which Harry had never seen before, a
spinning white wheel that materialized out of nowhere just before the magic
would have hit him, and then faded again.

�� And his
eyes were full, at last, of the rage that Harry had been trying to provoke.

�� Good. Harry fell back, his eyes fixed on
Snape�s movements, his mind racing into battle-mode. He could do this. He could
do this. It would probably be his
last real battle, since he had to defeat Voldemort by dying, but that was all
right. It stopped Snape from asking questions about things he had no right to be asking about, and that was all right.

�� Come on, you bastard.

�� Snape flung
an Incarcerous. Harry incinerated the
ropes before they could touch him. Snape tried to lock his legs together. Harry
laughed, the countercharm rolling off his tongue before Snape had finished
speaking.

�� Is that all he has? Binding spells of one
sort or another? He would probably say that he doesn�t want to hurt me. How sweet.

�� For one,
for fucking once, Harry had the right
to fight back against his tormentors. And he
wasn�t about to muck around using stupid silly spells that no real Death Eater
would use.

�� Conflagro,� he whispered, and fire
started to fall from the air on Snape.

�� Snape spun,
his wand creating a dazzling pattern of defensive maneuvers that held back all
the flame. Harry hoped that it would at least fly to the sides and rid the
world of some of his precious collection of potions, but apparently the shield
was strong enough to swallow the fire completely, instead of deflecting it.
Harry growled and started thinking of what spell he could use next.

�� Someone grabbed
his arm.

�� Harry
turned around, raising his left arm to slam the person in the face, glad to
think that at least someone would
suffer for backing him into a corner and ripping pieces of his soul from him�

�� And saw
Draco.

�� Are you
going to hurt me, too?� Draco asked, looking desperately young and desperately
afraid.

�� Of him.

�� Harry
dropped his wand to the floor. The clatter of it was followed a moment later by
the thump of him dropping to his knees and putting his head in his hands.

�� He didn�t
cry. He felt too exhausted to do it.

�� I just wanted my own life, my own secrets.
And I hurt people. I would have killed Snape like I killed Bellatrix. I would have
been sorry about it afterwards, like I wasn�t for Bellatrix, but what good
would that do? What would it change?

�� I could
have hurt Draco.

�� The guilt
dug into him and created its own wound, as great as the pain that came from the
thought of being under Snape�s control and having Snape, instead of just the
Dursleys, hurt him.

�� But no
greater.

*

�� Severus
waited until some moments had passed and he no longer thought the boy�his son�would
surge to his feet and attack again. Then he came nearer, though he could not
make himself lower his wand. He cleared his throat, and could not make himself
speak, either.

�� Thoughts
indeed filled his head, but they were no thoughts that Potter would have
rejoiced to hear.

�� This is proof that he was abused if nothing
else is.

�� We have to
help him,� Draco whispered before Severus
could decide what to say, �not hurt him.� He pointed, and Severus, looking down,
realized that the fight had opened Potter�s wound again and that blood was
dripping from his arm onto the floor.

�� He sighed
and nodded to Draco to heal it. He would have tried, but he did not think
Potter would accept even something as simple as a healing spell from him right
now.

�� Draco bent
and slowly spoke a few words to Potter, low enough that Severus did not try to
hear them. Potter raised his head with a jerk, looked down again, and then
nodded, a slow, dreamy motion.

�� He is in shock, I think, Severus
thought, and his chest tightened and ached. Damn
it. This has gone as badly as it could have.

�� He knew
that forcing Potter to acknowledge the weight of the secrets he bore before
they killed him had been necessary, but he should have chosen a different way�if
he could have.

�� And yet,
there was the fact that Potter probably would have died, sacrificing himself
mindlessly in the pursuit of the Dark Lord�s defeat, if Severus had not used
his Legilimency.

�� Severus
wanted to lie down on his bed and sleep. He felt immensely tired, and he had
only made clear his undeniable connection to his son and how close he wished to
be for an hour. How could he stand an entire lifetime of this?

�� The same way you have withstood spying, he
answered himself, brutally. Do what you
are good at, and leave the rest up to others until you have figured out a
strategy that will let you accomplish it.

�� Take him
to the hospital wing, Draco,� he said. �Remain near him. Madam Pomfrey should
see the wound, but do not let her ask him questions.�

�� Afraid I�m
going to commit suicide, now?� Potter�s voice sounded much like Severus�s, full
of fatigue. �I wouldn�t do that.�

�� I do not
wish you troubled by questions you do not want to answer,� Severus said
quietly.

�� Potter
twitched his head around, though he wasn�t looking up enough that Severus could
see his eyes through his fringe. �A bit late for that consideration, isn�t it?� he muttered bitterly.

�� Severus shook
his head and reminded himself not to snap. �I will not do that again,� he said.
�Any confession that you make now must come of your own free will.�

�� I don�t
believe you.�

�� Severus
dipped his head. �Take him, Draco. Stay with him.� He turned for the door.

�� What are
you going to do, sir?� Draco�s voice was nervous. Of course, unlike Potter, who
was probably too involved in his own emotions, he might have picked up on the
abruptness of Severus�s movements.

�� I am going
to talk to the Headmaster,� Severus answered, and opened the door.

�� Do what you are good at.

�� And he was
good, as Potter would probably agree, at pain and intimidation.

�� But I am willing to learn to be good at
other things, for his sake.

�� If he even wishes it.

*

�� Come on,�
Draco whispered to Potter when he was sure Professor Snape was gone. �Let�s go.�

�� Potter didn�t
even argue, which showed how tired he was. He just nodded and stood up, leaning
his shoulder heavily on Draco�s for a moment.

�� He straightened
again, but Draco�s heart raced with pride. He wasn�t going to forget that
gesture and what it meant.

�� He can need me, sometimes, he thought,
as he wrapped an arm around Potter�s waist. And
he�ll have what he needs.

�� I�m not going to leave him.��

*

�� Pilly: I do feel sorry for
Harry, yes, but I can�t reveal the plot, as that would be rather giving the
game away.

�� That was a
typo. Thanks for catching it.

�� k lave
demo: I�m afraid this latest chapter is not likely to cure your complex of
feelings about the characters. ;)

�� Jessy Mel:
If Dumbledore thought there was a chance the Horcrux was gone, he definitely would
have tried to find out.

�� Thanks very
much for reviewing.

�� Maria:
Thank you! I�m afraid that your request doesn�t really sound like a plot I
could write, though.

�� Sneakyfox:
Harry is still rejecting Snape, yes, but not Draco. The way he sees it, Draco
didn�t do anything toward the uncovering of the secret, but of course he would
want to know what it was once he knew it existed.

�� Mia: Thank
you.

�� myniephoenix:
Thank you!

�� lauren:
Thanks! I feel much the same way. We�ll have to see how it works out.

�� tigermisse:
Thanks.

�� SP777: I
don�t know. Is this stretching it out? Harry is still not willing to admit
Snape into his life, but at least now he knows he has a problem, that the
hiding of his secrets turns him into a person he doesn�t like.

�� Thrnbrooke:
Thanks!

�� mucunagos: No,
I think Harry has a right to act this way. After all, the way he sees it, his
independence is being taken away along with his life.

�� heyyou:
Hee! Thanks for reviewing.
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Practicing Liars