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"Unanswered Prayers"	By : T-W-O Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 26250 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own HP, nor the characters from it. I don't make squat from the writing of this story. I do lose sleep, tho'...

Chapter List
- 1-"Unanswered Prayers"
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9a
- 10-9b
- 11-9c
- 12-10
- 13-11a
- 14-11b
- 15-11c
- 16-11d
- 17-11e
- 18-11f
- 19-11g
- 20-12
- 21-13
- 22-14
- 23-15
- 24-16
- 25-17
- 26-18
- 27-19
- 28-20
- 21
- 22
- 23
“No alcohol until those wounds heal completely, Severus Snape. Give it a few days. Honestly, you are the most impatient man I’ve ever met.”
“I take exception to that…” he growled back.
Hermione stopped cleaning the kitchen to join him on the couch in the living area. She’d accused Ron of extreme impatience weeks ago while explaining her errors in relationship judgment to Severus. He’d never let her categorize him with the man who’d mistreated her.
“It’s time to answer that question you haven't asked: ‘Why?’. Why did I let myself tolerate what he did? I’ll answer that tonight if I get to ask you ‘Why?’. Is that fair?”
“I have no objections.”
“I’ve loved Ron since third year. At least I thought I did. I’ve actually spent more time with Harry but he’s like a brother — sometimes annoying brother. Never felt anything romantic towards him even with that horrid horcrux weighing my neck down.
“Ron… changed… while we were out there looking, trying to stay alive. Truth to tell he could be a burden — slow to react magically. He resented the hours and hours Harry and I spent trying to decipher Dumbledore’s obscure clues. The night he left we’d had a terrible row; he accused Harry and me of shagging behind his back and demanded I leave with him. I tried to reason with him but he argued with me… Then he… left.
“Harry told me the horcrux tried to intimidate Ron when he came back; it told him I loved Harry and that he wasn’t good enough. Ron destroyed the locket but it accomplished its purpose. He got more controlling and more suspicious — never left me alone if he didn’t have to. That damn delluminator led him right to me no matter where I was.
“At first I found it… I don’t know… flattering. I was never the prettiest or the most fun in our house. Until Viktor asked me to the Yule Ball, most boys treated me like a sister — even Ron. He had the nerve to snap at me because I accepted Viktor’s invitation. He expected me to wait around as his ‘safety net’.”
“Weasley doesn’t appreciate you.”
Hermione grinned at the compliment.
“I would accuse you of being partial if Ginny hadn’t said the exact same thing in the hospital. Thank you.”
“No thanks necessary; I’m stating a fact. Impartially.”
Her appreciative grin almost eliminated his continuing desire to turn the Weasel into something small, weak and easy damaged.
“The war ended. I certainly wasn't ready for a relationship of any kind — I could barely stand to be around people.”
“That explains your absolute joy at being exiled here with me.”
“Stop taking things out of context! I explained to you Ron and I argued about my desire to care for you. His last ultimatum was either I stay with him at the Burrow or he would find other girls willing and able to ‘satisfy’ him. I should have ended it right then.”
Severus agreed but sensed now wasn’t the time to announce that.
“I spent ten months here. You argued with me. You were difficult and waspish. You resisted most of my best suggestions. And I loved it. You treated me with respect and consideration. I was an equal in finding a better way to treat your injuries. I learned from you how I deserved to be treated.
“But you insisted we go back, and I wasn’t ready. Ron was there — and I hadn’t sorted out why I wanted to be with him — and before I knew it I’d convinced myself that if I gave in on the physical part of our relationship that he’d compromise on the parts that were important to me, like equality and respect. Stupid of me…”
“Not stupid, inexperienced. Mr. Weasley never sought a partnership; he sought to control you. Did he harm you in any other manner?”
Severus had witnessed the many times his own father had beat his mother — and the times his mother had fought back and won over his alcoholic father.
“No; he manhandled me during sex but he never struck me. Ron wasn’t abusive, Severus, just incredibly selfish and oblivious to my discomfort. There was never any tenderness between us. If I’d never spent time with you, I’d never have known what tenderness felt like.”
Hermione toed off her slippers and tucked her legs underneath her, lost in thought for moments while sipping her juice.
“I guess I’d sum it up as a lack of confidence. No one really wants to be alone; I certainly don’t. After my awful experiences during the war, I rather look forward to having a family more than I did.” she admitted with a sigh, “But I undervalued myself and it cost me my daughter and almost cost me my life. If you hadn’t stepped in, if I hadn’t trusted you, I’d have died in my rooms…”
Single tears made their way irregularly down her cheeks.
“Which brings me to my question for you: why didn't you tell me what you and Dumbledore discovered about our bond?”
“Because I cannot and will not use you for my benefit. You care for me — otherwise the ancient magic could not have healed me — but you will find a partner who respects and cherishes you and you should be free to do so.”
“That will be impossible if I’m dead. If you die, so do I.”
“Who told you this? Dumbledore!? I will kill him again, I swear!”
“I cornered him and McGonagall before we left. The wounds got worse while I was ill, didn’t they?”
Severus nodded, not trusting his voice.
“Were you ever going to tell me you were dying?”
“No, since I expected to expire before you and could, therefore, avoid any further ‘suggestions’ from you on my next course of action.”
Shock morphed into laughter as she parsed his zinger.
“You’d die just to get away from my ‘suggestions’!?”
“Yes.”
Hermione wiped the smug look off his face when she crawled into his lap.
“Ms. Granger…” he growled.
“Too late for that. Professor, I have one more question — Harry told me what you said, that first night in hospital.”
“That’s not a question so I feel no obligation to respond.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you loved me?”
In all the time she’d known him, Hermione had never personally seen Severus Snape unhinged — yet the man sitting underneath her exhibited a full-blown panic attack at her question. Sweat poured off him in a room not more than 65-deg-F. His heart pounded so hard in his chest her heart fought not to match its insistent rhythm. She could see his soul in eyes so wide they doubled their size. And underneath her bottom, his response was unmistakable.
“Because you’re too young. Because you weren't ready. Because of the three types of love defined by the Greeks, ‘agape’ — the one most applicable to your situation — did not match mine — ‘eros’, meaning —”
“I know the definition of ‘eros’, Professor.”
Severus licked lips gone dry with anxiety and continued in the hopes that she’d remove herself from his lap and save him from terminal embarrassment or worse.
“Because you were betrothed to that bully ‘Weasel’. Because I’m almost 39 and you’re 19; I’m too old for you!”
“Dumbledore doesn’t think so. In fact, he pointed out to me that most wizards are fertile well into their nineties and most witches into their seventies.”
“Dumbledore is an interfering, manipulative, scheming, arrogant git who I will deal with when I’m dead and have my own portrait! I’ll have him running until they hang McGonagall’s portrait to give her some peace from his intrusions while she’s alive.”
“You left out the real reasons.”
“Thank you for reading my mind. I see I am woefully uninformed regarding your skills as a legilimens. And those would be?” he retorted snarkily.
“Because you thought you were being unfaithful to Lily Evans’ memory. And because you thought I’d spurn you for Ron like Harry’s mother did for James Potter.”
All Severus could manage were several dry swallows. She’d read him like one of her beloved books.
“I remember you telling me, and I quote, ‘I only found my courage as Lily lay dead in my arms. Tell him while you can.’ Madame Pomfrey told me your patronus is an otter now — same as mine. I won’t let you die, Severus, for reasons even you should be able to figure out.”
“Should I thank Dumbledore for your confession?”
“Uh-huh. And Professor McGonagall. And Ginny Weasley. It always helps to have a woman’s perspective.”
“Ginny Weasley!? Merlin, what does she know?”
“She watched you at hospital and she’s married to Harry; they talk.”
Hermione stuck a hand inside his shirt, curling her fingers through the regrowing chest hair. In the three weeks since their return to the cottage his wounds had re-closed and new skin covered his scars at a rapid rate.
“Why don’t I save us both since Gryffindors are far braver than Slytherins.”
“Yes, the cemeteries are filled with your Lion’s Pride.”
“I love you, Severus.”
“This seems rather… sudden… given your recent encounters with the Weasel.”
“Thought you’d say that. Ron taught me in a hurry what love is not. Because you’d already shown me what love is.”
“Real-ly…” he drawled out.
She kissed his chest.
“Love is patient.”
She kissed his neck.
“Love is tolerant.”
She kissed his ear.
“Love is generous.”
She kissed his forehead.
“Love is long-suffering.”
She kissed his cheek.
“Love is kind.”
She brushed his lips with hers.
“Love is unselfish.”
She kissed his lips and he nearly lost consciousness.
“You’ve been struggling for months to find a potion to undo this bond we seem to have, rather than tell me. Dumbledore speculated you were also working on a potion to suspend your life so I could live mine without you.”
“Dumbledore really needs to be moved into one of the hermetically-sealed sound-proof attics at Hogwarts. Preferably a cursed one.”
“I loved you before we left this place. I should have told you then. I’ve made some terrible choices which you were witness to. You didn’t deserve to have two women leave you for someone else. I’ve hurt you so badly yet you rescued me. Do you forgive me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Oh, Merlin’s ba—… beard, Hermione! Is there no end to the punishment and confession you’ll put me through?”
“It’s important, Severus.”
“Very well. I forgive you because every time he exerted himself on you, hurt you, you came to me for help and for comfort. He used your body ruthlessly but I knew you were mine. I had to wait for you to choose. Does that put paid to this interrogation?”
“Thank you.”
“No thanks necessary; I cherish you.”
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"Unanswered Prayers"