Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Hold on Tight	By : cls2256 Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 7315 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. This fic is for entertainment purposes only!

Chapter List
- 1-one
- 2-two
- 3-three
- 4-four
- 5-five
- 6-six
- 7-seven
- 8-eight
- 9-nine
- 10-ten
- 11-eleven
- 12-twelve
- 13-thirteen
- 14-fourteen
- 15-fifteen
- 16-sixteen
- 17-seventeen
- 18-eighteen
- 19-nineteen
- 20-twenty
- 21-twenty one
- 22-twenty two
- 23-twenty three
- 24-twenty four
- 25-twenty five
- 26-twenty six
- 27-twenty seven
- 28-twenty eight
- 29-Twenty nine
- 21
- 22
- 23
"You're just like your godson— insolent, reckless, with a complete inability to focus—"
"How am I supposed to focus if I'm asleep!"
"by training your mind to do it for you!"
Sirius leaned back in his chair, huffing and crossing his arms like a stubborn child. It'd been Remus's idea to consult Snape. Sirius regretted agreeing the moment his long black robes fluttered out of 12 Grimmauld Place's kitchen fireplace.
"I found something," Remus interjected, interrupting their quarrel. "Somnium Intraveritis, it sounds like this could be what we are dealing with."
Remus rotated the large, leather-bound book around so that Sirius could see. He pointed to a passage in the middle of the yellowed page.
Somnium Intraveritis, also known colloquially as dream-sending, is a bit of rare and dark magic. A witch or wizard can use Somnium Intraveritis to influence or enter another's slumbering mind by means of an advanced branch of legilimency. They can manipulate a person's thoughts, feelings, and behavior by altering reality in a dream state, including leaving behind 'stigmatus' or wounds caused by physical affliction whilst unconscious.
Somnium Intraveritus can be used to change the properties of herbs and ingredients to influence potions and elixirs.
"You've been having dreams ever since she spiked your drink, right?" Remus asked. "Maybe this was how she's been able to."
"After Snape brewed me that antidote, I was able to have some control over what was happening in my dreams, but they didn't stop altogether," Sirius concluded. "Assuming she did this, do you think you can brew an antidote to counteract this som-whatever?"
"Somnium Intraveritius—and I'm unsure at this point," Snape said plainly. "I've only heard of it in theory. The idea that this was used in practicum is… impressive."
Sirius rolled his eyes at the implication of Lenore's 'talents.' Of course, Snivellus would be enraptured with a female counterpart that could rival his potioneering.
"So, what can I do in the meantime?" Sirius asked, sighing and leaning back in his chair apathetically.
"I've told you," Snape said impatiently. "close your mind."
"He's right, Sirius," Remus said, skimming through the pages. "The book doesn't give an antidote or countercurse. Apparently, the curse is unique to the caster, making it difficult to counteract. It appears that Severus would need to know exactly what was in her potion to brew an effective antidote. It does say here that practicing occlumency can help aid against whatever they are trying to manipulate you to do."
"Alright, alright, brush up on occlumency, I got it," Sirius waved his hand, showing his impatience to Remus and Snape's agreeing suggestions. "Does it give a potion recipe that she probably used?"
"It doesn't look like it," Remus said. "Most likely, she created whatever potion she gave you on her own."
"Well that's just bloody fantastic," Sirius spat under his breath, He looked over at Allie, thumbing through a few large books quietly at the end of the table. "You got anything, kitten? Any devious potion recipes or curses?"
"Hm-mhm," she hummed negatively, not looking up from her book.
Sirius sighed heavily. Their research session with the borrowed books from Hogwarts' Library's restricted section seemed to be coming to an abrupt halt.
"Well, it says here that Somnium Intraveritis can be subdued with a modified sleeping draught,"
Remus spun the book around and pointed to a paragraph in the middle of the weathered, musty page.
"It's not a permanent fix, but an occlumen sleeping draught can temporarily suspend the effects. Perhaps Severus could…?"
Remus looked up at Snape, giving him a hopeful expression. Snape turned his nose upward and began to pace back and forth next to the long kitchen table, his black robes dragging on the ground behind him,
"An occlumen sleeping draught is incredibly difficult to produce, and requires some prior skill of occlumency to be effective," Snape stopped and glared at Sirius. "So, if Black doesn't refresh himself with closing his mind, the concoction will be useless."
Sirius rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair so far that he was balancing on the back two legs. "I'll work on it— can you brew it or not?"
Snape looked at Sirius apathetically. "I can, but it will take some time. until then, close your mind." Snape glanced over to the clock on the wall next to them. "I need to be getting back, but before I do— Murphy, can I speak with you for a moment?"
Allie looked up abruptly from her book, flushing. "Oh, Uhm, sure," she said with a small voice.
She stood and started to follow Snape up the kitchen stairs. Sirius made to go with them, making Snape turn back sharply and holding his hand up to cease him.
"Privately." he sneered.
Sirius rolled his eyes and waited a moment for them to get out of his line of sight. He shot Remus a grin, for which he returned with a scolding look, and bolted up the stairs. He followed the sound of their voices from the drawing-room and rested his ear against the closed door to eavesdrop.
"Three assignments, Murphy," Snape said curtly. "If it were up to me, you'd get T's on every assignment you fail to turn in. However, Dumbledore wants me to cut you some slack due to... circumstances. If I don't have your missing assignments by Monday, I'll start taking off a letter grade for each day past then."
"Yes sir," Allie said, almost so faint that Sirius couldn't hear.
"I want them Monday morning, first thing—and I won't be this forgiving in the future."
Sirius jumped back as Snape exited the drawing-room, scowling as he swept by. Allie looked at Sirius, looking embarrassed for him to have overheard. She tried to sweep past him quickly, but he caught her by the wrist.
"You're three assignments behind in Defense Against the Dark Arts?" He asked.
"I— I just need a little extra time…"
Allie trailed off as she looked down at her feet. After a moment of silence,
"...Is that the only class you're behind in?" Sirius asked slowly.
Allie opened her mouth to speak but turned bright red instead, only uttering a small guttural noise that answered Sirius's question without words. Sirius exhaled, running a hand through his hair.
"Allie—"
"Sirius, please don't," She pleaded softly.
Allie turned on her heels and bolted for the stairs as Sirius stared at her, wondering just how far behind she actually was. She didn't look back as she pitter-pattered up the stairs and out of sight.

As November turned to December, the weather grew colder, snowier, and Christmas wreaths appeared on every lamppost in London. A sizeable shimmering tree appeared in the heart of Diagon Alley, 24 feet tall, decked out in multi-colored twinkling fairies, and a grand golden star perched at the very tip-top. Sirius found himself standing and admiring the tree on his walk home from the Leaky Cauldron, impressed by its grandeur each time he saw it.
The Christmas tree was the only sense of hope he had if he were honest. Between the loss of his child, Allie's ever-deteriorating mental state, on the horizon of another massive and deadly war, and Lenore's dream tricks, he began to ask himself hard questions.
Is all this really worth it? What's the point anymore?
The logical side of his brain would snap him out of it, tell him to quit being ridiculous. The other part, however, was struggling to cope with all the stressors. He sought solace in the bottom of a liquor bottle, using amber-toned liquids to forget his sorrows, crawling into bed each night hanging on the edge of consciousness. He'd even started slipping a shot or two into his breakfast tea— just enough to take the edge off of his emotions before heading off to the Leaky Cauldron. An ale or two between double shifts kept him going until he could pour himself a glass of scotch upon arriving home.
"You seem to be going through a lot of bottles lately," Remus had mentioned one night.
"I enjoy a few drinks in the evenings."
"Sure, Sirius, but the whole bottle? Each night?"
The conversation grew hostile, as Sirius was irritated by the accusation that Sirius was drinking too much. What was the big deal? He was going to work, still aiding the Order in any way he could— he felt he could enjoy a glass or two, or a bottle if he so desired. Anyone that told him otherwise was met with irritability and stubbornness.
Snow fell in large flurries outside the bedroom window as Sirius frowned at his reflection. Staring at his face in the mirror, he scowled at the dark bags under his eyes, and his sickly, almost jaundiced complexion. Was it possible to age 10 years overnight?
Sleep had been scarce, at least until Snape came through with a batch of occlumen sleeping draught last week. Lenore had invaded his dreams more nights than not. Sometimes she toyed with him gently and leaving behind love bites or marks of 'affection' for Allie to find in various places. The other nights, she wasn't as gentle, torturing him repeatedly with the cruciatus curse until Allie could shake Sirius awake. He'd wake still screaming and writhing, taking a moment to realize he was back in his bedroom, no longer bound to the wooden chair in Lenore's flat, wandless and helpless.
Allie would lay wet washcloths all over him, attempting to cool his body temperature down. After having every cell in his body set on fire with white-hot dark magic, he'd wake with a temperature higher than safe for any human being, wizard or not. Allie would weep silently as she'd dab the sweat from his brow, or help him drink tea doctored up with potions to soothe his pain.
"It doesn't hurt as bad as you think," Sirius had said one night, his voice weak and strained.
"Yes, it does." She'd whispered as she placed a cold cloth around his neck. "You forget I know what it feels like."
Every night was torture until a Hogwarts barn owl showed up with a pouch of potions, unlabeled, but obviously sent from Snape. Finally, sleep was peaceful and blissful again, until last night, when he'd forgotten to take his potion.
Lenore was angry. Her eyes flickered with rage and hatred as she paced around a bound Sirius, demanding to know how he'd be evading her. Her lip quivered as she held her wand on him, angry he'd found a way around her plan. She'd tortured him with the cruciatus curse without mercy, without reserve. He still felt like his bones were splitting open, even after Allie shook him awake, screaming his name with tears rolling down her face.
He'd used an occlumen sleeping draught then to return to sleep, albeit the damage from Lenore's relentless torturing evident in the dark circles and sallow complexion. He had a slight limp in his left leg, residual bone splitting pain, reminding him of the woman he hated with every fiber of his being. The world wasn't divided into good people and Death Eaters. He knew this, but he also knew that Lenore fell on the side of pure, unadulterated evil.
Sirius pulled on his thick winter traveling cloak— he was headed to Hogwarts, per request from McGonagall for him to stop by her office. He found it strange to be summoned by her but didn't argue. At least he would be able to tack on a visit with Buckbeak to his trip.
Soft snowflakes collected on the hood and shoulders of Sirius's wool traveling cloak as the snow crunched underfoot. Sirius made his way across Hogwarts's grounds to Hagrid's small hut, pulling Allie's hand-knitted lavender scarf tighter around his neck. It was the only scarf he could find inside 12 Grimmauld Place, but it would do the same as any old scarf.
Buckbeak frolicked in the snowy field next to the hut, outfitted with a heavy turnout blanket to keep it warm. It's head perked up, and it let out a squawk as it noticed Sirius approaching.
"Beaky!" Sirius shouted happily, then internally cursed himself for forgetting to use Buckbeak's alias, Witherwings.
Sirius bowed to the hippogriff, for which it returned without question. Sirius wrapped his arms around Buckbeak's neck, laughing as it nuzzled its beak into his shoulder.
"How are you doing, you ol' brute," Sirius laughed as he ruffled his feathers. "I miss you."
"Sirius—"
Sirius looked up and grinned widely at Harry, seeing him and Hagrid walking towards him.
"Harry Potter,"
Sirius embraced Harry with impressive force, giving him a friendly squeeze that Harry returned. Sirius winked at Hagrid and received a warm smile in return.
"How are you, hm? Exams going well?"
"Oh, yeah, fine, fine," Harry said, "How are you doing?"
"Fine," Sirius lied, forcing a smile to keep the mood light. "I came by to see my favorite hippogriff, but glad to see you too."
"I told Professor McGonagall yeh were stoppin' by," Hagrid said. "She asked me to send you her way when yeh were finished with Buck— Witherwings."
"Probably to talk to you about the floo connection," Harry said, "She mentioned she was going to have a floo set up for travel to and from Hogwarts for Christmas break, for security."
"I'm sure that's it," he said. "Well, I won't keep her waiting— I'll finish with Beaky here in a bit."
Sirius made his way back up to the castle, taking the familiar path to Professor McGonagall's office. He stepped inside, knocking on the large oak door as he did so.
"Black, Thank you for coming by," she said, setting her quill down," McGonagall said, "Please, sit."
Sirius took a seat in the chair across from the desk. He smirked to himself, he'd sat in this chair many times in school, being reprimanded by the witch in front of him.
"Sirius," McGonagall said, sighing. "Allie has been missing classes."
"Missing classes?" Sirius scrunched his nose in confusion.
"She's attended a total of 4 classes since she returned."
"and how many transfiguration lessons does she have in a week?"
"No, Sirius," McGonagall shook her head. "She's only attended 4 classes, period. Her schedule is quite packed, she typically has 16 lessons a week, so in the month it's been since she's been back, she's missed 60 lessons. She's missing most of her assignments, and she's running the risk of failing."
"Has she been skipping her internship with Madam Pomfrey?"
"No, she's on sabbatical from that until the start of next term," McGonagall looked concerned. "She isn't sharing much with you, is she?"
"No," Sirius shook his head. "I don't understand though, she's leaving the house."
"Well, then I don't know where she's going, but it's not here," McGonagall said. "Professor Sprout wasn't sure how to handle this, with Allie being a special circumstance student. I offered to say something to you, hoping maybe it would help."
Sirius nodded. "She's been through so much," he said "I don't know how to help her. She hardly eats, she's not herself."
"I want her to succeed as much as the next student. I feel for her and what she is going through," McGonagall said. "But I can't make exceptions for her. If she isn't doing the work, I can't pass her."
Sirius frowned, then let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding before nodding stiffly. "I'll talk to her, see if there is something I can do."
Sirius spent the better part of the afternoon and early evening mulling over his conversation with McGonagall, rehearsing how he was going to talk to Allie. He knew she'd had a rough go of it the past 6 weeks, but to blatantly skip her classes? What on earth was she doing instead? Allie was always incredibly reliable, and this behavior pattern didn't fit her.
Sirius nursed a vodka cranberry, a substitute for his favorite scotch. He didn't realize he'd drank his entire stock until searching for a bottle today. He'd had a few drinks to take the edge of his nerves and his sense of impending doom that seemed to continually be present if he were sober.
He had a kettle of fresh tea ready, mostly as a ruse to get her to sit down and speak with him so he could segway into the conversation smoothly.
He took a large gulp as the fireplace whirred to life, spewing out emerald flames followed by Allie stepping across the hearth. She brushed the front of her robes off, then attempted to smooth out her frizzy curls.
"Hey," Sirius said casually, "I made tea."
"Oh, thank you," Allie said softly.
She said down at the table across from Sirius and poured herself a cup. They sat in silence for a moment before Sirius spoke again.
"How was your day?"
"Fine," she replied, sipping on her tea.
"Classes are good?"
He was baiting her, hoping for her to admit she'd been skipping classes rather than having him confront her.
"Yeah," she said softly. "Classes are good."
Sirius took a breath; looks like he was going to have to confront her.
"What'd you learn about?"
"Um, quite a bit,"
"Like what?"
"Um," Allie flushed. "nonverbal spells in charms, poison Thornberry plants in herbology,"
"I see," Sirius nodded. After a moment, "I spoke to McGonagall, she said you've been missing classes."
"I" Allie flushed bright red. "I've missed a couple..."
"No," Sirius said, denying, "You've only attended a couple."
Allie stared at Sirius, tea in hand, with an expression of surprise and dismay. She knew she was caught.
"You leave the house every day under the pretense that you're going to school," Sirius said, unnervingly calm. "But you're not attending classes, and you're not turning in your work. Where are you going?"
"Um," if her face could get any redder, it would turn purple. "I've been going to my suite."
"So you're going to the castle," Sirus said, "but you're not going to class. Why? What are you doing instead?"
"If you're working, I go and wait for you to leave and then come back," Allie said quietly.
"You leave, then come back to the house when you know I'm gone?" Sirius asked, repeating her statement. "To do what?"
"I- I usually go back to bed."
Allie looked defeated. Her eyes were locked with his, wide and pleading as if they were telling their own story that they needed Sirius to hear. In his frustration, he couldn't.
"You're skipping class to sleep," Sirius said, his temper rising, "But then I come home, and you're in bed, Allie. You're always in bed."
"I-I'm just so tired…"
"I'm tired! I'm tired from getting up day after day, slaving over a grease stove for one-"
Sirius held a finger up for emphasis.
"–galleon an hour, doing a job I don't need but almost have to at this point from keeping me from going insane. You're telling me you're sleeping 20 hours a day and still tired?!"
Allie opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Her eyes pleaded with him to understand, for compassion, but at this moment, he wasn't sure if he was able to have any.
"You're supposed to be going to school so that you can get the credentials to be a Healer, that's still something you want isn't it?"
"Yes, I-I think so,"
"You think so?" Sirius snapped, "You think so? You need to decide because you're wasting your time—and your professor's and Dumbledore's."
"I don't mean to be, I do want to be a healer," She stammered. "It's just been so hard…"
"You don't think I don't know that!" Sirius snapped. "Allie goddammit, you walk around like you're the only one affected by this! I lost my child too, but I'm still doing the things I've committed to!"
"That's not fair—"
"Isn't it?" Sirius sneered "the world can't stop because you're tired— I mean, look at yourself, Allie! When was the last time you've washed your hair?"
Allie's face turned bright red, and her expression rearranged into a scowl.
"Look at me?" She asked incredulously. "Look at me, you say?"
She gave him a look that felt like she was challenging him. She raised a quivering finger, speaking just above a whisper, tone dangerous and laced with venom.
"I delivered our baby," she said, her words coming out slow and labored. "Knowing I would not hear him cry. I knew I would never get to feed him, nurture him, and yet I pushed,"
Sirius felt his breath catch in his throat as she continued.
"All I can think about is what my life would look like if that baby would've cried— if he would've opened his mouth and took a deep breath. I think about what it would be like to hold him, nurse him, love him."
"You think I don't think of that?" Sirius snapped. "You don't think I have not imagined that?!"
"No, I would have no idea, because more often than not, Sirius, you're drunk by lunchtime!"
"I think that's a bit dramatic," Sirius snarled.
"How many drinks have you had waiting for me to get home, hm?" Allie said, raising her voice now. "I can guarantee about half a bottle of Ogden's?"
Irritation seethed through Sirius quicker than he knew what hit him, "This conversation isn't about me. Don't you go and turn it around—"
"I can smell it on you!" Allie interrupted. "I can see it in your eyes, you're pissed and trying to accuse me of not coping well? You need help, Sirius,"
"Help?" Sirius snapped. "I don't need to help. I'm still going to work, doing my responsibilities. I haven't been hiding out in the swanky suite given to me to go back to school, simply because I'm 'too tired' to sit through a charms lecture!"
The argument grew nasty from here, shouts, and name-calling that Sirius never anticipated he and Allie doing. Their screams from the kitchen were loud enough to wake the portrait of Mrs. Black, adding her prejudiced slurs to the conversation. Words were said, things were thrown, and emotions ran high as Sirius stormed up the kitchen stairs, leaving Allie in a heap on the kitchen floor, racking with sobs and anguish,
Sirius apparated onto the front walk with no destination in sight. He stumbled as his feet hit a cobblestone street, unexpecting such an uneven surface to land on. He hissed in pain as he noticed a sharp sting on his right knee cap. He looked down, cursing as a chunk of his pants, as well as a few layers of skin, were missing. The wound bled lightly, and Sirius counted his blessings that he didn't splinch his entire leg off.
For a moment, he contemplated going back to let Allie heal the wound, but decided against it. He cast his own healing charm, which haphazardly stopped the bleeding but didn't treat it adequately. He sighed; it would do for now.
As he walked down the uneven street, he realized he was still in London, but further north than he'd been in a long time. As he admired the shops, he came across a little pub he and James had gone to once. Out of nostalgic curiosity, he decided to enter and have a drink.
"What're you havin'?" The old bartender asked as Sirius took a seat.
"The strongest stuff you've got," Sirius replied plainly. "Leave the bottle."
The bartender shook his head, then set a bottle of Spirytus vodka and a shot glass on the counter.
"Suit yourself," the man said. "Let me know if you want something to mix that with."
"Nah, I'll be alright—" Sirius took a shot and coughed, grimacing at the intense burn as he gasped for breath. "Alright, maybe a bit of soda."
The bartender grinned and laughed, then poured him a glass of club soda. "Chaps like you ask for the strong stuff all the time, gives me a good laugh."
Sirius smiled apathetically and raised the glass of club soda to the man. He spent the next hour slowly nursing a mixture of the high test vodka and soda, hoping that the more he drank, the less pain he would feel.
He felt guilty about how he'd left things with Allie, he didn't mean to blow up. He'd snapped as if everything he'd been holding on to came to a head. The sun was starting to go down, and he questioned if he was sober enough to apparate back home. He'd finished about half the bottle, and his throat felt raw from the intense alcohol that he was sure that he'd burn his insides. He reached into his pocket to fumble for some cash, not even thinking about how much muggle currency he had on him.
"Oi, how much is my tab?" Sirius slurred to the bartender.
"£13.84," The bartender replied. "Gots to charge you for the whole bottle."
Sirius fumbled in his pockets, pulling out crumbled pound notes and random knuts that he haphazardly tried to conceal from the bartender. He frowned as he realized he didn't have enough, cursing as he wondered how he was going to get himself out of this one. Duplication charm? But he was far too drunk to pull that off inconspicuously.
"I've got it," a man's voice said from next to him.
Sirius looked over at a strawberry blonde man a few barstools down, sliding a £20 note towards the bartender. Sirius blinked a few times, wondering when the hell this man had sat down. The man gave him a smile, then scooted a barstool closer.
"You look like you needed that," he said, gesturing to the half-drunk bottle of Spirytus. "It's on me tonight."
"Thanks," Sirius replied thickly. "You didn't have to do that."
The man nodded as he got off his barstool and wrapped a thick cloak around his broad shoulders. "Take it as my condolences."
Sirius opened his mouth to speak, to ask what the man meant (because how could he possibly know?), but froze the moment he saw a glimpse of the man's eyes. He noticed when he caught sight of them that they were precisely the exact shade of green as Allie's.
"Hey," Sirius said, stumbling from his barstool. "Hey, hold up,"
The man didn't turn around, ignoring Sirius stumbling after him. As Sirius followed him out the front door of the pub, the man had seemingly vanished. Sirius looked all around, trying to remain upright as the world started to spin around him— damn, he really had a bit to drink.
His stomach twisted, and he doubled over, vomiting all over his boots with four large heaves. All of the high test Polish vodka he'd consumed over the last few hours burned just as much coming back up as it did going down. He groaned as he stood, realizing he wasn't in any position to apparate and was miles away from home. He stuck his right hand out and was relieved to see the royal purple triple-decker bus zoom up. A dark-skinned, graying man in grey robes stepped out, gesturing to the bus door as if it were a museum piece.
"Welcome to the Knight Bus, transport for any stranded witch or wizard—"
"Yeah yeah, I know the drill," Sirius slurred as he stumbled onto the bus. "Just drive."
Sirius found himself home just after sundown, feeling much more sober and even more guilty for leaving Allie for the evening. He wondered if the man he saw was who he thought it could be, or if he had imagined the whole thing in a drunken delirium.
He stumbled inside the house, kicking off his vomit-covered boots and ignoring the fact they needed to be cleaned. He tossed his cloak over the coat rack, then trudged down to the kitchen for a glass of water. He gripped the handrail and leaned his weight against it, despite his sobering mind, his equilibrium still hadn't leveled out.
His mouth felt dryer than the Tabernas Desert as he drank directly from the tap. He desperately and noisily slurping mouthfuls of water, not caring that it was splattering water all over him and the counter.
"Where were you?"
Sirius pulled his head back from the tap, swallowed, then wiped his face with the back of his sleeve. He turned towards the doorway to see Allie, fidgeting with her fingers.
"I went for a drink," Sirius said slowly.
Allie sighed. "I figured—Was that your vomit on your boots?"
Sirius felt his ears grow hot as he nodded. Allie was silent for a moment, seeming to contemplate what to say.
"I cleaned them for you." was all she said. She didn't speak with contempt or snark but instead informed him that they had been taken care of.
"Thanks," Sirius said, "I appreciate that."
Their conversation was stiff, forced as if they were both trying to ignore the elephant in the room. Sirius's eyes scanned her, noting that she appeared to be getting ready for bed, dressed in only an oversized t-shirt and plaid flannel pants.
"I'm sorry," She whispered, looking down at the floor.
Sirius opened his mouth to speak but froze. He had so many questions for her, but he didn't want to bombard her and cause another fight. He walked over to her, pulling her into an embrace and kissing her forehead.
"Me too."
She buried her head into his chest and wrapped her arms around his torso, seeming to mold perfectly against him. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, noting her hair was slightly damp and smelled of floral shampoo. He closed his eyes but very quickly opened them as the room started spinning.
"I think I need to lie down," Sirius said, falling off balance and using Allie to brace himself.
"You need a shower first," Allie said, smiling slightly.
Sirius chuckled, certain he probably smelled like a distillery. He peppered her forehead, cheek, and neck with kisses, making her giggle as he reached the crook of her neck.
"Why don't you come with me?" he asked as he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck.
"I took a shower a bit ago,"
Sirius snickered. "I don't want you there for bathing."
Allie's breath hitched, and Sirius looked at her. Her mouth was parted slightly as if she were contemplating his offer, but there was a slight fear present in her eyes. He felt a pang of disappointment, they hadn't been intimate since before they lost the baby.
"It's ok," he whispered, kissing her forehead. "I'll see you in bed."
Sirius took as hot of a shower as possible, chuckling to himself as he figured that this still wouldn't have been as hot as Allie likes. The knot in his chest was returning, a surefire sign that his buzz was wearing off. He leaned forward and placed his hands on the tile wall, allowing himself to be fully enveloped by the steam of water. The small voice in his head crept back up, questioning if he should just give up, what was the point of living in this world when it gave him so much pain and suffering?
He craved another drink, one that would ake this feeling of impending doom disappear. He banged the heel of his hand against the tile wall in frustration— maybe he did have a problem...
He finished up in the shower, then headed to the bedroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, and used another to absorb the water from his hair. He found Allie standing in the middle of the room, picking her fingernails and dressed in a blush lacy get up he'd never seen before. His hand drying his hair froze as his eyes roved her up and down. His mouth went dry. He admired how her breasts spilled over the barely-there cups, how the sheer blush mesh was a translucent veil for the rest of her body. It flowed over her curves and hit right about her hip joint. She blushed a pale pink from her hairline to her chest, looking at Sirius curiously as she wrapped her arms around her middle to conceal herself.
"I bought this before the school year started, and then a week later, it didn't fit. It fits now, though…"
Sirius tossed his hair towel aside and stepped over to her, gently taking her arms and moving them away from her body.
"Why are you covering yourself?" he asked gently.
"M-my stomach doesn't look the same as it did before..." she said softly.
Sirius knelt in front of her, giving her a reassuring smile as he slid a hand underneath the sheer mesh top and placed a hand on her belly. Yes, it looked different— her skin now creped where her bump had stretched her, and she had a thick purple stretch mark on her right hip, but he didn't care.
"Yes," he said, placing a kiss just above her navel. "But you're even more beautiful now…"
His fingers found the waistband of her matching panties. Allie's breathing hitched as Sirius pulled them down, slowly dragging them down her thighs, knees, and ankles. His hand slid back upward, slow and deliberate as if he wanted to feel every inch of her skin underneath his palm.
"Are you wet, kitten?" he murmured.
Allie whimpered as His forefinger traced her slit. He placed soft kisses on her hip bone, smiling against her skin as he was pleased with how ready she was already.
"That's my girl," he crooned, getting to his feet.
Allie began to tremble as she pulled the towel from Sirius's waist. "I didn't cast a contraceptive," she said shakily. "I wasn't sure if I should."
He tilted her chin up, brushing his nose against hers. "It's up to you, whatever you want."
Allie's breathing hitched once more, and she froze, appearing conflicted.
"We can use a contraceptive if it makes you feel better," Sirius said, giving her a reassuring half-smile. "It's alright if you don't want to get pregnant again, or at least right away."
"Are you sure?" She asked softly.
"Absolutely sure," he said. He felt her body relax as she let out a breath. "and we don't have to use one next time if you don't want to. It's whatever you want."
Allie appeared to ponder this for a moment before nodding. "Yes, I would like one this time."
She stepped aside and grabbed her wand off the bedside table. After pointing her wand at her belly and muttering an incantation, A glowing light illuminated and encircled her entire abdomen, then dissipated as quickly as it came.
“I’m sorry, I’m just not sure I’m ready to go through that again,” She whispered. “It's too soon.”
“That’s alright,” Sirius reassured. “That’s perfectly alright.”
He had her on her back, rolling his hips against hers to make her squirm. He murmured things— both equally sweet and filthy— in her ear, ensuring she knew just how much he was enjoying her. She urged him to go faster, deeper, squeezing her legs so tightly around him that he nearly busted too early. She whimpered and gasped, writhing with pleasure as she begged for more.
Allie's legs squeezed him against her as her hands pressed into tight fists. She let out a sharp cry as her entire body shuddered underneath his. Sirius groaned, gripping her wrists tighter as he gave three sharp thrusts, then froze inside her. It took every bit of strength he had not to collapse on top of her from his release—that oh so sweet release— that he didn't realize how much he'd needed until just now.
Allie released a shuddering breath as tears started flowing down her cheeks. Sirius peppered her forehead with kisses, wiping her tears with his thumb.
"If it was that bad, you should've said something," Sirius murmured playfully.
Allie let out a choking laugh as Sirius chuckled along with her. She shook her head, smiling through her tears.
"I just really needed that, that's all."
As they curled up together to rest, their fingers intertwined, and Sirius now noticed just how much the stress of the last couple months had taken a toll on her. Her usually long and well-groomed fingernails, nails she cared very much about, were bitten down to the quick. Chewed so short, they were red, swollen, and inflamed with hangnails scanned over from constant picking. Her skin lacked its usual youthful glow, and her hair had a dull, lackluster appearance to it, He cradled her close, regretting that maybe he wasn't doing enough for her. He wasn't sure what he could do, how he could support her more than he was. This was an impossible situation.
Sirius's eyelids felt heavy, and he felt satisfied. For a few moments, he was so comfortable he almost forgot about all the pain and suffering, about Lenore and whatever tricks she was up to, and the impending war on the horizon. His eyes closed, and he held Allie close, feeling more comfortable and relaxed than he had in a long time.
"Sirius? Don't forget your potion."
He snapped out of his twilight and reached for the potion on the bedside table.
"Thanks…" he murmured, downing the potion in one gulp.
He resumed his position, holding her close and drifting off to sleep, which wouldn't be interrupted with torture and malice.
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Hold on Tight