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Loyalties	By : Gemma Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 4262 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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The shedding of tears

OhgodOhgodOhgodOhgod.

Snape sat in his study, his hands clasped together in his lap, so tightly that his knuckles were a pressured white. Thea's voice kept playing over and over in his head, a mantra of pain that would not relent. They had both taken the antidote upon returning to Hogwarts, him with steady, controlled movements, her with shaking hands and glassy eyes.

Yet still her voice played in his head, her desperation and disgust clawing at him. Snape had performed similar activities before of course, and had in fact done much worse at the command of Voldemort. But the mind-connection potion had been a new torment. How ironic that Severus himself had created it.

Again his mind turned back to the night's events, and again he felt a burning shame. He had felt Thea recoil from him, felt her scalding anger as he mentally cried out upon climax. He knew that at that moment he had taken pleasure from Thea, despite her dryness and the awful situation. He had, at that moment, lost himself in her, and he wondered at what cost. How could he ever explain that it had been so easy to escape into her heat, so easy to avoid looking her in the eye and simply focus on his hips grinding into hers?

He couldn't. She would never understand the things he had been witness to, or the impulses that drove him. And now he was left with a deep shame and a sense of responsibility. He had tried to push Thea away, and had almost succeeded, but Voldemort had intervened and now they were paired together irrevocably. But more than their official pairing, Snape felt a deep responsibility for Thea's well being now that he had violated her so terribly.

He looked once more at the door that led to his private bathroom and frowned, wondering how Thea was doing in the silent room.

Thea sat on the cool floor of Snape's bathroom, the bathtub pressed firmly against her back. Her body was shaking and no matter how hard she tried to stop the convulsions, Thea only shook harder.

Her eyes felt stretched in her face, and despite the cool shower she had just taken, her privates hurt terribly. She felt raw and ripped at her opening, her back ached, and her hips and thighs felt bruised and beaten. Her small breasts were pressed tightly against her knees. She didn't want to look down at her body again, she was too afraid. When she had seen the livid scratches that had been made by the eager, lusting Death Eaters she had gagged, bile rising up to burn the back of her throat.

Thea closed her eyes and tried not to hear the crowd cheering, tried not to hear Snape's voice inside her head; tried desperately not to feel. She was in shock, she knew that much. Over and over she attempted to sort her thoughts and evaluate how she felt and how she would cope, but each time she tried she was met with a blank, gaping nothingness that only added to her terror.

Opening her eyes and lifting her head, Thea eased her shoulders back slightly, wincing at the pain in her body. The table had been hard and merciless like her torturers. Her eyes fell on the trousers and shirt Snape had laid out for her. Just thinking about him made Thea shiver harder, but she swallowed hard, carefully stood and painstakingly slowly, pulled on the clothes to cover a body she no longer saw as her own.

When Snape heard the bathroom door creak open behind him, he stood up and moved away, his dark eyes stony as he steeled himself for the sight of Thea.

She stood in the door's shadow for a while, and he could see her leaning into the frame, gaining strength. When she stepped into the dim light of his study, he kept his face unreadable, though he felt a deep wave of fury crash over him. Fury he knew, fury he could understand. Wasn't it so much easier to be angry at the situation, rather then himself?

Thea's eyes were bruised hollows, smudges of purple and red making her eyes looks huge and soft. He noticed when she walked into the room, that she moved as if in great pain, her gait awkward, her legs further apart than normal.

She hugged closed to the wall and watched him with large, weary eyes, arms crossed tightly across her chest.
Snape draw his shoulders back and tried to take control of himself; he needed to act carefully from now on.
'Thea, we of course need to talk about tonight's events. But first let me help you with the pain.'

He was careful to keep his voice soft, and tried to allow some feeling into his eyes, but he knew they were still his usual shade of obsidian hardness. He was too confused himself to express any kind of emotion.
'I don't want to talk.' Thea's voice was husky and low.
'I want to leave. Please, let me go.'

The 'please' and the slight catch in Thea's throat made Snape step forwards.
'You are right, in our present state there is no possible way for us to discuss tonight's events clearly. Let me give you a potion for the pain, and something to help you sleep. Let me help you.'

Thea pressed herself further against the wall, her eyes travelling past him as if it was too much to even consider looking at his face.
'Help me?' Her voice was barely a whisper, but he caught the words and they stung him.
To his utter dismay Thea started to laugh. It started off as a croaky, gasping giggle that grew into a full-bodied, astoundingly clear sound.
Totally thrown, Snape watched Thea's body as it shook with laughter, his eyes hard and his fists clenched.

And then the sound changed. The laughing became gasps, which became gulps, which turned into heart wrenching cries.
'Oh God, oh god, oh god.' Thea was chanting over and over, a hand pressed over her mouth, her body bent double as if she would vomit. And it was the same voice which sounded inside Snape's head, burning him, wounding, him, taunting him.

He strode towards her, and for a moment he thought he might strike her, anything to make those cries stop. But then he saw her flinch away from his touch, and he was utterly disgusted with himself.

He lowered himself to his knees beside Thea, careful not to move too close. She in turn huddled against the wall, her sobs now silent, though they wracked her body visibly.
'Thea, I'm so very sorry. There is nothing I could ever say or do to demonstrate the depth of my remorse and guilt.' His voice was soft, as gentle as he could make it, and it seemed to him that his heart was actually aching.

Thea remained against the wall, making no indication that she had heard him. Snape shifted slightly on his knees, his hands dropped to his sides, looking like a beaten man, only the trained straightness of his spine kept him upright; kept an illusion of control.
'What happened tonight was despicable. I cannot even begin to explain my actions and reactions. I have no right even to try.'

Here he turned his face away, unable to look at Thea's slumped form. She was unrecognisable to the tall, strong young woman who was willing to risk everything in order to avoid atrocity. And he had given her a first taste of real agony and suffering.

So lost was he in his thoughts, that he almost jumped at Thea's touch. She had reached out a hand to him, resting the very tips of her fingers on his own pale hand. For a moment he stared down at his own hand in wonder, then his black eyes rose and locked on Thea. She still appeared terrified and broken, but her gaze was firmly fixed on his and the look in them was mesmerising.

Snape suddenly pulled Thea towards him and wrapped his arms tight around her, even as she began to struggle. But she was not struggling with him. No, the touch of her hand on his had conveyed something that no amount of speech could. No matter how much she might detest his actions, hate his weakness and her own, she knew that they were in this together. And for the first time in a long while Snape felt like he needed someone to hold on to, both for himself and this battered girl he had helped to destroy.

Thea fought against him, and Snape was glad he had trapped her arms so forceful was her attack. Finally the ferocity of it caused them both to over balance and crash onto the floor.

And there Thea sobbed against Snape, her tears wetting the material of his shirt, her mouth hot on his neck.
'Oh god, Oh god.' She kept repeating over and over, her arms locking around Snape's neck, her nose pressing into him, her tears soaking his skin.
'Shhh, shhh.' He breathed into her hair, stroking her back and holding her like he would a child.
'Don't.' Was all he could say to her cries, his voice low.

And that was how they stayed, as the candles burned low, and Thea poured out all her heartache in the arms of the man who had brought her to such agony.
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Loyalties