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Matters of the Heart	By : strawberryf1re Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 34556 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe (characters, settings, etc.) ŠJ.K. Rowling. No profits are made from this work.

Chapter List
- 22
- 23
- 24
Rating: M – inappropriate for readers under the age of 16; contains scenes of explicit sexuality and violence.

Disclaimer: Characters and settings ©J.K. Rowling

Author's Note: Thank you all for your patience. I know updates have been slow, and I do apologize. I am having trouble finding time for breathing, to be completely honest, and it looks like the next few weeks are going to be equally as stressful. But I do hope you enjoy as I continue to post, even if the updates are rather slow!

Matters of the Heart

K. Marie

Chapter 23

As the evening of Valentine's closed, Hermione and Severus returned to his rooms. There, they had consumed each other in passionate love, and had drifted to sleep somewhere beyond midnight. Hermione tangled her small body within the limbs of Severus, her head resting against his chest, her arm draped across him.

The following morning, she woke with a start. Groggily, she peered through the curtains, the sun just rising above the trees in the distance. She rubbed at her eyes and was surprised, pleasantly, by the soft glow of the gemstones of her jewelry. She turned towards Severus, sleeping soundly beside her. Gently, she stroked the side of his face with her fingers, tucking his hair behind his ear.

Her lips curled into a seductive smile as a thought occurred to her. She carefully maneuvered herself out from under Severus' heavy limbs and slowly slithered beneath the covers. Teasingly, she began stroking very gently at his soft member, and it reacted almost instantly under her touch. As if instinctively, the Potions Master repositioned his body, opening his legs so she could climb between them, and she wrapped her fingers around his manhood, stroking him into hardness.

She took him in her mouth, and it wasn't much longer until he was fully erect. She sucked at him vigorously, her tongue massaging the underside of his organ, her hand pumping the shaft. A small moan escaped the Slytherin Head and Hermione felt his hand rest on the back of her head, guiding her movements along his throbbing member.

As he neared his climax, his body tensed and his groans became louder and more frequent. Hermione could taste a salty liquid on her tongue before he ever released into her mouth, and he gasped her name. Strong hands grasped her under her arms, and he pulled her out from under the sheets, pulling her down to him and kissing her roughly.

"Inside…" he groaned into her ear, and she obeyed. She lowered herself onto his throbbing erection, the tightness of her causing him to gasp in pleasure. As she rode him, her movements long and slow, his head tipped back against the pillow, a low growl escaping his throat. His hands grasped at her hips, his strong arms guiding her movements; she rose until he was just barely pressed inside of her, and then she would claim all of him with her warm wetness once more. He was in complete bliss.

He pulled her down to him, her breasts pressed against his strong, warm chest, as he released within her, his fingers digging into the flesh of her back. Gently, she kissed his neck and shoulders, the roughness of his chin scratching against the soft skin of her face.

"Hermione," he gasped as his breathing slowed.

Her trail of kisses led to his lips and she explored his mouth hungrily with her tongue. His hands stroked her back, his nails tracing light pink trails into her skin, and suddenly, he turned her over onto her back. The glint in his eye was mischievous, and as he disappeared under the sheets, she gasped. His hot mouth was at her core, and in the way only he could, he pleasured her intensely, her legs quivering as she neared her climax.

Their morning together ended far too soon, to Hermione's dismay. She felt as though she had to drag herself from Severus' arms to leave safely before the rest of the students filled the hallways. He kissed her tenderly before she departed, knowing he would unlikely see her before their Occlumency lessons that evening.

As Hermione entered her rooms and prepared to shower, she couldn't help but smile. She couldn't believe just how much she loved the man she had just left; it was almost painful to be apart from him. She knew she wanted to spend her life with him, and it had only been a short five months. It was hard to believe that their relationship had roots in something so horrible and yet, she didn't think of it in that way so much anymore. Her rape still haunted her, and it most likely always would, but when she looked at Severus, it was almost as though another man entirely had possessed him that night. When she was with him, the man who raped her was merely a shadow of the man who made love to her each evening. Every evening they were together, a piece of the man who raped her died away. She hoped one day, that shadow of him would dissipate completely.

But until then, she was ready to accept his molestation of her as a portion of their past that they could neither forget nor fear.

"Hermione," Ron greeted as she sat down at Gryffindor table. His freckled face was twisted into a knowing grin. "You never came back to the common room last night."

As she climbed over the bench to sit down beside Ginny, she looked up at Ron. This was not a conversation she was planning to have that morning, and despite waking beside Severus and having a lovely morning with him, her mood soured slightly. She detested the thought of having that particular conversation, and while she wanted very much to divulge to them she was in fact seeing somebody – which was, she knew, what they suspected – she was not prepared to handle the barrage of questions that would follow.

"I got back late, so I went straight to my rooms," Hermione said nonchalantly, fixing herself a plate of food.

Ginny seemed to be very interested in her own meal, and did not look up to join the conversation. Ron started to grin, knowingly, but as Hermione caught sight of his change of expression, she immediately halted his train of thought.

"Ron, I was with Professor Snape last night," she sighed. It was very true, though they knew not to what extent!

"You mean to tell me the sour ol' git kept you that late on Valentine's Day?" Ron asked, as though surprised.

"I chose to work through the evening, Ron." Hermione started picking at her breakfast, and then continued: "Valentine's really hasn't much significance to me."

It pained her to lie so blatantly to her friends, and she dreaded the moment when she would actually confess to them the truth. Fleetingly, she wondered if they would recall all the lies, if they would remember every evening she never returned when she said she would, and all the lunch and dinners she missed – and if they would be furious with her. The thought tied her stomach into knots, and her appetite was extinguished.

Ron scoffed at her. "Please, Hermione! You were in such a good mood yesterday, and you got two valentines! You mean neither of them was from a secret boyfriend?"

"When do I have time for that, Ron?" she asked, her voice suddenly critical and very annoyed.

The redhead frowned at her sudden retort, and thought a moment before he chose his response. Harry, clearly recognizing the beginning sparks of an explosive fight, interjected with a comment about the new strategy he was working on for Quidditch. Hermione welcomed the distraction, turning back to her meal and pushing the food around on her plate.

The end of breakfast could not have come any sooner, and as Hermione hurried off to her first class for the day, Ron and Harry hung back, exchanging glances.

"Girls, mate," Ron shook his head. "I'll never get 'em."

"Perhaps if you minded your own business," Ginny snapped. "She's under a lot of stress this year and you are not helping!"

"She's the one that wanted to work with Snape," Ron replied, shortly. "She should have known."

As the end of the day drew near, Hermione found herself overwhelmed by her thoughts. She was growing increasingly wary of lying to her friends, the guilt of the act eating away at her conscience. Severus made her so happy, and she wished she could share that happiness with her friends – but she couldn't, and it was causing her distress. Every time she had to lie to them, it seemed as though it felt worse for her, and she was afraid it would get to the point where her guilt would be the tell-tale sign that something was amiss, and her friends would catch on.

She hadn't any idea it was bothering her as much as it indeed was until breakfast that morning, when she was suddenly very irritable that Ron was pushing. Rationally, she knew she had no reason to be so upset with her friends for their curiosity, but she knew that, because they asked questions, she would be forced to lie, and it was frustrating her.

Before reporting to the dungeons for her Occlumency lesson, Hermione collapsed on her four-poster bed. Crookshanks was curled up on her pillow and she pulled the cat close to her, nuzzling her face into his fur. His smell, his fur, his purring – it was all soothing to the Head Girl, and she drank in the familiarity of it. Last year was so simple compared to her final year at Hogwarts. She would have even preferred the chaos of their fourth and fifth years – combined! – over what she was enduring now.

Exhausted, Hermione rolled onto her back. Scratching at Crookshank's neck absently, she stared at the canopy above her bed. For a moment, she thought perhaps she was actually regretting her love for Severus – something she never thought possible. She ached to be without him, and yet, at that very moment, while she lay frustrated in her own bed… there was a certain amount of hostility building within her for the man. She closed her eyes, tears threatening to press through. Did she make a mistake by loving that man?

How could she think that? Her fingers grasped the beautiful pendant around her neck that he had given her just yesterday. The gemstone glittered in the light, but its glow was dulled; Severus was all the way in the dungeons. She loved him more than she ever thought possible, and that was a fact she was confident in. And he loved her.

Why was she so angry with him all of a sudden? As she thought of him, a certain rage boiled within her, as though he had done something to warrant her fury at him. He did nothing, and she knew it. But because of him, she was in this awful mess – because of him, she had to lie to her friends, to her parents, to everyone she had ever cared for. Just because she loved him!

He didn't do anything? Hermione suddenly realized with horror that he did indeed do something to warrant her anger. He had raped her. Of course she should be angry at him! Clutching the covers of her bed in her hand, she willed her nerves to calm. That was months ago, she told herself. They had shared such loving intimacies since then. Her rape was inconsequential, it was irrelevant.

Four o'clock ticked by as Hermione lay in her bed, her mind mulling. Her amber eyes flickered to the clock on her desk, and she frowned. She knew she should head down to the dungeons, but at the moment she had no desire to see Severus at all.

How was it possible she could feel two such extremes within twelve hours? Stifling her foul mood, Hermione heaved her bag onto her shoulder and slowly made her way to the dungeons.

Severus was sitting inside his office, pouring over an open book with a quill in his hand. He was preparing an exam for the fourth years, and while he was vaguely aware of the time, he was not counting the seconds until her arrival. When he peered up to the clock on his cabinet, he was curious to notice that it was well past four-thirty, and for her to be tardy was unlike her. Briefly, he felt concern rise in his chest.

No. He thought to himself harshly. Not again.

Turning back to the parchment on his desk, Severus returned to his task, trying to quell his concern. It wasn't until quarter 'til five that Hermione finally stormed into his classroom, and Severus wouldn't have even noticed if she hadn't violently slammed his classroom door. The Potions Master was reasonably startled by the sudden crash, and snapped his head up from the exam. He caught a glimpse of her flowing hair and robes trailing behind her as she moved straight to the laboratory.

Cocking an eyebrow, Severus slowly rose from his desk. He did not believe she had anything to work on for her projects; her two draughts had to mature over several weeks, and he did not plan to assign her third potion until next week. If she intended on working on her report, she normally did so by his side in his office – and even so, it was the evening for one of their Occlumency lessons. He couldn't help but wonder what her intentions were this evening. He also didn't neglect to notice that she had completely ignored him.

When the slam of his laboratory door rattled the jars on the shelves in his office, Severus suddenly felt his own anger rise. She had no right to behave in this matter, despite what had occurred during her day. Setting his quill down, he swept from his office and to the laboratory. Pulling open the door, he spotted his apprentice bent over a table, her hand busily scratching notes onto a long piece of parchment. What he did not expect was the atmosphere of the laboratory to be as hostile as it was.

She did not notice his entrance, and for a long while he stood in the doorway, simply observing her. Something was definitely amiss in her behaviors; she was incredibly tense, her hands trembling. She fumbled several times with different vials, nearly spilling the contents of a few. The faint hiss of electricity crackled through her hair, and while it was a trait he found both endearing and amusing, he knew it was symptom of anger.

Carefully, he spoke quietly. "Is there something wrong, Hermione?"

Despite his caution, she reacted with a start, and a violent jerk of her arm sent her inkwell spilling to the floor. Turning to him, her face was contorted into a menacing scowl. "Just let me be." Her voice cracked on the last word, and she turned back to her work.

Severus remained in the doorway for a moment longer, his curiosity far from abated. As she hunched over her work, he noticed a subtle tremor in her tense shoulders. She was crying.

"Hermione," his voice was uncharacteristically tender.

Slowly, he crossed the room, coming to stand behind her. He raised his hand to her back, and to his surprise, she shrugged away from his touch.

"Don't touch me," she hissed.

Severus was very confused. They had a beautiful morning together! While she had been absent for lunch, he had not paid much mind to it; on several occasions she would go to her rooms for privacy during the free period, and he had grown accustomed to her absence. She didn't seem terribly enthused at breakfast, but without having the opportunity to speak with her at any point during the day, he hardly believed he had done anything to upset her. Her behavior was very odd to him, indeed.

"Did something happen?" he asked.

"Just leave me alone."

Suddenly, the anger he began feeling in his office resurfaced and his patience for her mood grew painfully slim. He circled the desk, coming to stare at her across it, his dark eyes angry.

"You will not speak to me like that in my laboratory," he growled.

"Or what?" Hermione snapped. "What'll you do? Kick me out? Fail my project?"

What the hell was going on with her? Severus was nearly completely perplexed at her behavior, and to be at a complete loss for words was unusual for the Potions Master. She never behaved like this – neither as his student nor his lover. She was acting as though she was angry with him, and he hadn't any clue as to why – and with having done nothing wrong, he was growing weary of her attitude.

"Hermione," he said, his control over his anger waning. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Just go," she growled. She was being careful not to say his name, and he could not understand why!

"Excuse me?" Severus hissed. "This is my laboratory, these are my supplies. If there is going to be anyone barking orders, it will be me." He paused, leaning onto the desk and grasping its edges tightly.

A tense moment passed in silence. Severus' fingers flexed around the edge of the table, the grasp tightening until his knuckles were paper white. Hermione's hands were trembling as she tried to write. Her script was untidy, and she finally gave up trying to write anything at all.

"I'm sick of lying," she finally said, her voice tightly controlled. "I'm tired. I'm tired of hiding, I'm tired of lying." She finally looked up at him, and while her brow was furrowed in anger, her eyes were shiny and wet. "I can't do this anymore."

Severus' stomach clenched at her words, and suddenly he felt quite sick. What was she saying? His eyes dropped to the pendant around her neck, the ring on her finger; the stones were glowing intensely.

"I'm not like you," she said quietly. "I can't lie to everyone."

"Hermione," he said softly. "What—"

"I don't know!" she cried, burying her face in her hands. "I… I don't know."

Severus stared at her for a moment, completely flabbergasted. Her shoulders were shaking as she cried into her hands, and so badly he wanted to pull her into his embrace. So badly, he wished to take away her pain. He reached across the table to touch her face, but she pulled away. His hand, now shaking, lowered to the desk.

"It has to remain this way," he said. "For your safety."

"I know," she cried. "But—" Her voice faltered. "I don't know if I can keep doing this."

"What happened?" Severus asked. He felt as though his heart was slowly being torn from his chest. The scars that Lily had left suddenly began to ache once more, and as his legs weakened, the Potions Master took a seat.

She shook her head, rubbing at her eyes violently to push the tears away. "I just… I'm so sick of lying, of avoiding questions. My friends know something's going on but they have no idea why I'm always gone. Where I am. What I'm doing. Why I miss Harry's Quidditch matches, why I never go to Hogsmeade with them… they keep asking, and I keep lying. I can't do it anymore."

His heart was racing in his chest and silently, he chastised himself for allowing a woman to raise such emotion in him. Severus Snape, Potions Master and ex-Death Eater, being reduced to a timid teenager afraid of having his heart broken? He couldn't explain why he wished so badly to hear her say his name.

"I just… I don't know if it's worth it anymore," she cried. "Love shouldn't hurt like this."

If he wasn't afraid of vomiting, he would have laughed. She hardly knew what love was if she didn't believe it was supposed to hurt. His entire life was dedicated to the memory of the only woman he had loved before her, and every day he woke, his heart ached for that woman. Every breath he took was laced with the essence of her; his every step was laden with guilt for her death; every time he looked at her son, a piece of his soul shattered… if only Hermione had realized she had just begun healing the open wounds that Lily had left.

But as soon as she had begun healing them, she tore off the scab, only to leave the Potions Master bleeding and broken.

For fear of pushing her away, Severus rose suddenly from the table. Hermione's eyes watched him, glistening in the soft glow of the light surrounding them, as he stalked from the room. If he stayed there to hear her speak any longer, he was afraid he would wall himself off from her, callously mocking her feelings to protect his own. He could never forgive himself if he hurt her.

He closed the laboratory door behind him quietly. He felt detached from his body somehow, as though his anger was more than he could manage. Pacing the room like a caged tiger, he felt his fury rising within his chest. He grabbed hold of a vial, squeezing it so tightly he was surprised it didn't break in his grip.

Suddenly, he whirled around, the vial flying across the room and crashing against the wall. It shattered, the glass scattering in all directions and the thick black liquid within dripping down the stone. His breathing was labored and heavy, his thin lips white in his fury. He knew she had to have heard the shattering glass, and he didn't care. He picked up another jar, and with the same burst of rage, it soared across the room and shattered violently. The powder within burst into a cloud, slowly settling to the ground.

In a final explosive act of uncontrollable rage, Severus grasped the neck of a tall, heavy glass jar and heaved it at the door to his lab. It crashed into the cabinet beside the door, shattering the glass door and showering shards to the ground. The solution in the jar splashed all over the interior of the cupboard, the small vials of various reagents within shattering and scattering their contents. The shelves collapsed under the violent weight, and suddenly, the entire cabinet fell to the ground.

Hermione wrenched open the door to the laboratory in alarm and stared in horror at the broken cabinet. Severus was standing in front of his desk, his chest heaving, his face flushed. Hermione looked from him to the glass scattered throughout the room. She had heard the crash of glass through the door, and knew he was angry – but she had not expected him to destroy the cabinet as he had. Turning to him, she felt her stomach clench.

The silence weighing in on them was only broken by the quiet drip of the thick liquid on the wall splashing to the ground. Hermione's gaze was fixed on Severus, almost petrified to move. As if he had been possessed by some violent force, the color left his face and his body relaxed, and he stared around the room. He seemed as horrified by his uncontrollable rage as she was.

"Severus," she said softly, approaching him.

He looked at her suddenly, as though he had forgotten she was even there. When she reached him, she touched his hand gently. "Severus," she said again.

"If you are regretting your decision," he said coldly, his gaze piercing her. It took him a moment to continue his statement, and when he did, his voice was hesitant, as though he couldn't bear speak the words he had intended. "…there will be no repercussions in relation to your project."

She stared at him, tears squeezing their way onto her cheeks. She realized in that moment she could not bear to live without this man, and suddenly all of her deceit seemed worth the pain it caused her. She wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, crying into his robes.

He stared down at her, his body enveloped in her arms, her face buried into his chest. Slowly, he brought his arms around her, pulling her closer, and touched his lips to her head. She relaxed under his kiss, her arms squeezing him tighter.

"I'm sorry," she cried into his chest. "I'm so sorry."

Severus breathed deeply, willing his nerves to settle. His entire body was trembling from harboring so much anger, and yet in her embrace he seemed to calm. He did not want to lose this woman, and his fit of uncontrollable rage convinced him of that. He rarely lost his temper like that – and while he stood there, holding her, he realized it scared him immensely that he had been so angry with her. The cabinet could be repaired, but how on Earth could he trust himself not to hurt her like that?

She tipped her head back, and instinctually, he leaned down to her. She caught his lips with her own, and her tongue met his in gentle caresses. She waved her wand and the classroom door locked, and she lowered herself to the cold stone floor, bringing Severus with her. He slid his arm beneath her head, giving her something softer than the stone floor to rest against, and as he kissed her, his free hand combed through her hair. Her face was wet with her tears, which had not yet ceased.

"Severus, I'm so sorry," she gasped as he pushed her head back and began coddling her neck. "I'm so sorry."

His gentle kisses traced her jaw, up to her ear, and back down to her shoulders. He repeated his path on the other side, her soft sighs causing his body to react. As he felt himself hardening, he opened her school robes, kissing her chest through the fabric of her sweater. His kisses followed a trail from between her breasts to her stomach, and as he descended the length of her body, he bumped into a desk behind him. The desk crashed to the ground, and the loud noise seemed to bring Severus to his senses.

"Not here," he hissed as he sat up from her, pulling his lips from her exposed belly."We can't – not here."

"Severus," she whispered, grasping him round the collar and pulling him down to her once more. "Severus – it's okay. I'm okay."

Severus shook his head. "No—"

"Severus, it's part of us. It will always be a part of our past – we need to move past it," she said quietly, her lips planting gentle kisses along his throat.

"Hermione, I can't—" His protests were silenced by her lips. Hastily, her hands fumbled with his robes, struggling to push them off of him.

Finally, he seemed convinced, and he shrugged out of his robes. He lowered himself to her lips, kissing her gently.

"Severus, I'm so sorry," she whispered in his ear. "I love you. I should never have doubted it."

While his tongue searched her mouth, his hips rocked into her core. Hermione released a quiet moan, her fingers tracing lines down his back to his trousers, where she gently touched his hardening manhood.

"I love you, Hermione," he growled into her ear, the low rumble of his voice reverberating through her body. His hand slid down her chest to her thighs, where the tantalizing touch through her jeans made her entire body shiver with anticipation. He knew he needed to do nothing more to her to prepare her for his entrance.

"Make love to me," she panted between jagged gasps for air. Her hips were rocking into his hand, his light touch almost torturous through her clothing. "Make love to me, Severus."

He slipped her pants down to her feet and she kicked them off. She unfastened his trousers, removing his organ from the confines of his underwear. Her grip was tight around the shaft, stroking it rhythmically before moving it to her warm wetness.

Severus stared deeply into her eyes, and through the lust that burned in their depths he recognized her love for him. He pressed a kiss to her mouth as he pushed his way into her, a moan escaping him as her tightness surrounded him.

His thrusts into her were slow and long; he was so deep inside of her that it was almost pleasurably painful. Her groans of pleasure in his ear drove him mad with lust, and the louder she moaned, the harder he pushed into her. He held himself back until she climaxed and the rhythmic spasming of her sex caused him to release within her.

His body was damp with sweat, his face flushed with passion as he leaned down to kiss her deeply. She returned the gesture, her hands sliding over the moist fabric of his shirt. Pressing her forehead to his, she gazed deep into his eyes, and smiled gently.

"No matter how hard it is to lie to my friends," she said softly, "It's worth it to be with you. I can't believe for a second I doubted it."

He snaked his arms around her back, lifting her to him as he sat up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms draped across his shoulders, sitting in his lap on the cold stone floor. Severus could not begin to explain how happy she had just made him, and he couldn't even begin to understand the emotional turmoil she had caused in him. From anger to sadness to fear to love to joy – at her hand, he experienced what seemed like the full range of human emotion.

As he stared into her eyes, he was suddenly overwhelmed with the strongest urge: he wanted to spend his life with this woman, no matter what the cost. He leaned back away from her, pulling her hand over his shoulder, and he gently fingered the sapphire ring, his black eyes leaving hers to examine the stone. It was glowing brightly, and as he looked to her chest, he could see the subtle glow of the gemstone set in her necklace through the thick fabric of her sweater.

His eyes flickered back to hers, and he grasped her hand in his. With his free hand, he slowly pulled the ring off her finger. Severus' heart was pounding in his chest, so fast he thought the muscle might collapse, and as the ring slipped over her nail and into his hands, his gaze dropped to it. Hermione's eyes were shiny as she watched his hands, as his fingers removed the sapphire ring he gave to her for Christmas.

Slowly, Severus set her arm back against his shoulder. He reached for her left hand, looking into her eyes. Carefully, his hands trembling just slightly, he slid the ring onto her left ring finger, and with a soft, trembling voice, he spoke:

"Hermione Jean Granger, will you be my wife?"
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Matters of the Heart