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The Girl in my Arms	By : PotionMaster Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 3779 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Severus fumbled for the door handle and backed out of the room hurriedly, heedless of Bella’s dismayed expression or the misery emanating from the wolf, who whimpered quietly as his mate left him. Shutting the door firmly behind him Severus took a couple of hurried steps down the corridor before leaning against the cold stone wall, closing his eyes, and breathing deeply. He thought that he would be able to do this, that after all these years he would be able to control his fear. He had perfect confidence in the potion he so carefully brewed every month and knew that he had seen not the ravening beast of his youth but his lover looking out from the eyes of the wolf, but although his head told him these things his instincts screamed at him to run. The air seemed thick around him and he struggled to breath deeply and not hyperventilate. Stepping away from the wall he headed for his rooms in the dungeons. He knew that he had hurt Remus deeply by his rejection of the wolf but even knowing that he could not bring himself to turn around and return to his lover’s rooms. He stalked along the corridors towards his destination on instinct, only a tiny part of his mind paying attention to where he was going as the rest played this evening’s events over and over as a never-ending loop in his head. He saw again the painful transition from human to wolf that the potion could not prevent. He saw his lover’s body breaking apart and reforming as flesh and bone broke and folded in upon themselves until he was no longer looking at the too slender form of his lover but at the sleek and dangerous form of a wolf. The wolf slowly turned its head towards him and its golden eyes seemed to bore into him. He tried to see his lover in those eyes but saw only bloody death, his heartan tan to race and his breathing became shallow. He was aware that he was backing away but could not remember consciously deciding to do so. He stopped only when he could go no further. Tearing his eyes away from the wolf he saw Bella, torn between her need to reassure him and her desire to comfort the wolf. He shook his head almost imperceptibly. ‘I’m sorry,’ he gasped and then he fled.

When he got to his chambers he muttered the password automatically and let himself in. Shutting the door behind him he punched the stonework and cursed.

‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you,’ a voice said. ‘Bella will be pissed if you get hurt.’

Severus spun around sharply and saw Sirius lounging in one of the comfortable chairs in front of the fire.

‘What the hell are you doing in my rooms, Black?’ Severus snapped.

Sirius put up a hand in a defensive manner. ‘Calm down. I used the secret passage from Bella’s rooms. I thought you might need to talk to someone about Moony and who better than the sole surviving member of his pack? Consider this my way of thanking you for taking my explanation of the Shrieking Shack incident so well. Besides, Remus needs you to accept all of him and I won’t see him hurt again.’ He got up and poured them both a drink in an echo of Severus’ behaviour the previous day.

Severus took the glass but made no move to actually drink it. ‘How did you know I’d be coming back here anyway?’ he asked suspiciously.

‘Lucky guess,’ Sirius drawled. ‘Look you’re only human and I knew they were expecting too much of you to think that you would be able to look at Moony and not see the creature that nearly killed you twenty years ago. No one could.’ He started to pace, waving his glass around to emphasise his point. ‘I don’t know that I can claim to know Remus as well as I did, but I do know Moony. I ran by his side for two years at Hogwarts and three after graduation. Even when Prongs and Wormtail weren’t there Padfoot never missed a moon. I’ve run with him several times over the past eighteen months as well and I can tell you this - the crap they spout about the Wolfsbane Potion is just that; crap. It doesn’t get rid of the wolf, it just allows Remus the same control he has for the rest of the month.’

Sirius took a gulp of his drink and turned back to look at Severus. ‘You think the wolf just pops into existence at moonrise once a month? Well it doesn’t ‘ it’s always there, just weaker. Remus can always hear it in the back of his mind, but it can’t act without his consent. When he does things that please it, it wags its tail; when he disobeys it, it growls; and sometimes, just sometimes, he lets you see it. Remus isn’t a normal person who just happens to be possessed by a monster once a month, he’s two souls, human and lupine, that have learnt out of necessity to coexist. Moony gathered his pack around him when he was younger and now he’s found a mate - well two actually, but then Remus never could do anything the easy way.’ Sirius stopped and took another gulp of his drink. ‘I’m putting this very badly, I know, but you don’t have to stand and gape at me like I’m a lunatic.’

Severus took a sip of his drink and looked at Sirius consideringly. ‘What your saying is that as much as Remus exists inside the wolf, the wolf exists inside of him. The potion doesn’t eliminate the wolf entirely, just alters the balance a little. I don’t see how this helps me, in fact it probably makes it worse, seeing as I can’t even be in the same room as the wolf,’ he complained bitterly.

Sirius growled in frustration, ‘But that’s just it. You’ve been in the same room as the wolf every night since the three of you first got together. Tell me you haven’t looked into Remus’ eyes and seen the wolf that lurks within. You might not have seen the fur and teeth of the wolf but you’ve seen his heart and subconsciously you must know that. You can’t be that close to Moony and not have felt him touch you. You accepted the wolf as your mate when you took Remus as your lover. I wouldn’t swear to it but I doubt Moony could hurt either of you now even without that damn potion. The wolf is wild and dangerous but he’s loyal to his pack and protective of his mates. You need to realise that you’ve already faced the wolf and survived and when you do then you won’t fear him any more. Remus is amazing but Moony is - God, he’s incredible. Just to be allowed to touch him is amazing. To know that something that powerful, that wild, is willing to let you in. It’s a bloody miracle.’

Severus blinked at Sirius’ passionate defence of the wolf and suddenly he was battered by the memories. A snarling beast charging towards him as a slender, dark-haired boy tugged him away; Remus kneeling above him, baring his teeth as he arched his neck in submission; the terrifying growls of a monster echoing along a secret-passageway; words of possession falling from his lover’s lips, his voice roughened with desire; yellow eyes glowing in the darkness as he realised that the teenage boy he had sought was nowhere to be seen; Remus’ eyes flashing golden in pain before returning to their normal tawny hue as words of derision fell from his lips for the benefit of his students; the heated breath of a wolf on the back of his neck as he ran for his life; the same wolf whimpering softly as if it had been kicked as he fled from its presence. Severus felt his knees grow weak and he grabbed for the back of a chair to keep himself upright. Of all the sights which had flashed through his brain the one that remained was that of a defeated-looking wolf as it’s mate rejected it for a sin it had committed in ignorance a lifetime ago.

Sirius took a couple of steps towards the other man, his voice soft. ‘You’ve seen him haven’t you? You’ve seen Moony in Remus’ actions.’

‘Yes,’ Severus confirmed. ‘Yes, I’ve seen him.’ He looked into Sirius eyes, ‘Thank you. I have to go, you can stay here if you like. Just don’t drink all my whisky if you can help it.’

Bella stared at the door for a couple of seconds after it slammed shut behind Severus’ fleeing form. She felt a pang of guilt for not going after him. They had been together as a couple for over twelve years and for more than a year before that as friends and she couldn’t remember him ever leaving her alone when she was hurting, but a quick glance across at her other lover reassured her that she had made the right choice. Severus could wait until morning - Remus couldn’t She knew that even though he hadn’t made any demands on them over their acceptance, or otherwise, of his lupine half that if she followed Severus out of the room then Remus would be gone by morning. Moony had backed as far away from the door as he could and was currently cowering in the far corner of the room, whimpering softly. She walked towards him slowly, not entirely sure if he remembered that she was still there. Once she stood in front of him she lowered herself slowly to the floor and crawled into place beside him. She rested her hand gently on the back of the wolf’s neck and stroked it softly until he lifted his head from the floor and looked at her, a world of pain apparent in his eyes.

*Oh Remus,* she thought, unsure whether he could actually hear her. *My poor Moony. He didn’t mean it. He’ll be back; he has to be.* Moony whined at her at wriggled closer so that he could put his head on her lap. She immediately moved her hand to his head and began to gently rub his ears. She was briefly struck by what an odd picture they must make, curled up on the floor together, but since Severus had left there was no one there to see it so it didn’t really matter. Leaning her head back against the wall and she closed her eyes, mentally whispering reassuring nonsense to the wolf who rested against her mourning the loss of his mate. They sat like that for what seemed an eternity to Bella but was in reality less than an hour. Suddenly Bella heard a new voice in her head.

*I’m sorry I ran away earlier, Bella,* Severus thought. *I panicked. Can you let me through the wards so that we can try this again?*

*Are you going to be able to stay this time?* Bella asked. *Because I don’t know if Remus can cope with you running from him twice in the same night.*

*I’ll stay,* he promised. *Black made me see some things. We need to take it slowly but I won’t leave him again, I swear.*

When Bella got up she dislodged the wolf from her lap, waking him from his stupor. He sniffed the air tentatively and then walked towards the door, whining softly.

*He knows you’re here,* she told Severus. *Do you want me to try and keep him back when you come in?*

*No,* Severus thought. *It’s Moony, he won’t hurt me. I know that now. It just took a little while for my heart to catch up with my head.*

*I’m really proud of you for coming back, love. I know how difficult it is to face past fears. I’m opening the door now,* she sent.

Bella stepped in front of Moony and cautiously opened the door to let Severus back in to the room. Moony laid down and rested his head on his paws, content to allow Severus to come to him, now that he could see him again. Severus stepped through the door and past Bella, moving towards the wolf carefully. He squatted down just in front of him and tentatively reached out towards him. He hesitated a couple of inches before actually touching Moony’s fur. The two of them held still for a moment as Bella watched with baited breath and then Moony slowly and deliberately turned his head to the side and nudged Severus’ fingers with his nose. Severus responded without even thinking in the same way most humans react to an animal seeking attention. He slowly stroked his fingers along the wolf’s muzzle and over the top of his head, pausing to scratch gently behind his ears. Moony wagged his tail slightly, looking more like a stray dog than a noble wolf for a moment, and huffed softly in pleasure. Severus knelt in front of him and brought his other hand up to rub the underside of his chin.

‘Can you understand what I’m saying to you, Remus?’ he asked. Moony yipped once and pushed his head against Severus.

‘Am I supposed to take that as an affirmative answer, Remus?’ Severus queried dryly. Moony yipped again and tried to get even closer to the other man.

*What about this?* he asked. *Can you hear this? Can you respond?*

Moony huffed to show he understood but no mental reply was forthcoming. *Well I imagine if you could you’d have answered that way earlier,* Severus thought. ‘We’re sleeping here tonight, aren’t we?’ he asked Bella. Before she could answer Moony yipped in happiness at his mate’s apparent acceptance of the situation and licked his face, knocking Severus to the floor in the process since he wasn’t prepared for the weight of a fully-grown wolf landing on him. Then he bounded away and leapt on to the bed with a very self-satisfied look on his face.

‘Oh no, I am not sharing a bed with you like that Remus,’ Severus complained.

Moony whined in disappointment.

‘I don’t care how much you want to,’ Severus grumbled. ‘You smell of wolf.’

*We could give him a bath,* Bella suggested.

‘You want to bathe a large wolf?’ Severus asked in astonishment. ‘Have you gone completely out of your mind?’

Moony yipped again to get their attention and then very deliberately shook his head.

*Well you can either have a bath or sleep on the rug,* Bella pointed out. *Because Sev is right. You do smell all wolfy!*

Moony crossed his paws in front of him on the bed and laid his head on them, clearly suggesting that if they wanted him off the bed they would be doing it without his cooperation. Bella drew her wand and cast a summoning charm, pulling Moony a good three feet away from the bed before dropping him. He yelped in shock and then pounced on her, pinning her to the ground and licking her face.

*Ick. Ewww. Get him off me Sev,* she thought shoving at the wolf uselessly.

Severus, who had frozen slightly as Moony attacked her, started to laugh at her mental protestations. He conjured a large tin bath full of water and levitated Moony into it. Moony howled and tried to scramble out of the bath but Severus wrapped an arm around his neck.

‘If you get out of the bath you will make a mess of the room and since it’s your room you’ll be clearing it up, understand me?’ he said.

Moony growled slightly and then sat down in the bath with a very put upon expression. He really didn’t understand why these stupid humans wanted him all wet but his human host was insisting he not wreck the room so he reluctantly stayed put.

Bella conjured up some shampoo and rubbed it into Moony until he was covered in lather and then, shielding his eyes with her hand, she rinsed it off again. Moony bore this treatment with a growing amount of frustration, so when Severus told him he could get out of the bath he bounded out in one leap, shaking himself violently to get rid of all the water which was causing his fur to itch. The two humans shrieked, one out load and one in his head, when his actions covered them in a shower of water droplets.

Severus staggered away from Moony, casting a drying charm on himself as he did so tryitrying not to laugh at Bella’s mental monologue.

*You stupid, mangy , flea ridden dog!* she thought. *You did that on purpose!* She cast a drying charm on herself and then another one on Moony. Winking at Severus she then cast another spell, attaching a large, red bow to the top of Moony’s tail. Severus and Bella dived for the bed to get out of the way as Moony caught sight of the ribbon out of the corner of his eye and spun around to try and get hold of it. Sine it is almost impossible for a wolf to grab his own tail they were treated to the sight of a fully-grown werewolf chasing his tail in a very juvenile manner. By the time Moony finally managed to grab the end of the bow and pull it off Severus could barely breathe from laughing. He would never have believed that he could find a werewolf so amusing but Moony was a contrary mix of noble wolf and mischievous pup, very much like Remus himself. Once he had ridded himself of the offending article Moony stalked over to the fire and lay down in front of it with his back to his lovers. When Severus was sure he could speak without laughing he called out to the wolf, ‘Moony. Come on Moony, come over here and cuddle. I promise I won’t let her tie any more ribbons on you.’

Moony turned his head to look at Severus and when he held out his hand in invitation he walked over to the bed and climbed up between his lovers. Severus rubbed his ears again while Bella stroked his chest and stomach. *I’m sorry Moony, but you just looked so darn cutehe the thought. Moony growled under his breath at her choice of words. *All right, I’m sorry. You didn’t look cute. I take it back. Now come on let’s get some sleep.*

Moony rolled over onto his stomach again and Bella and Severus wrapped themselves around him from either side, Severus slinging his arm over Moony’s back and the three of them contentedly drifted off to sleep.
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The Girl in my Arms