Never A Memory

a/n: Wizli, your thoughtful review is actually what inspired me to write the second half of How You Remind Me in Harry's 3rd person. Cheers!





~How You Remind Me~

Part II



“…You beg Him not to go…

…Old Volumes shake their Vellum Heads…

…And Tantalize—just so…” ~Emily Dickinson



An hour later…

~*~



Harry stared at the Case Transfer scroll, the document only needing his signature to become official, his eyes not really seeing the letters written across the page. Instead, his mind’s eye was focused on the memory of a weeping Draco Malfoy.



Harry had only seen him that way once before; at Hogwarts with Moaning Myrtle, the night he tried to cut out the Dark Mark from his arm. Harry briefly thought about the memory he had discovered in Draco’s Pensive that showed the night Draco had been locked up in a stone room, awaiting his father and Voldemort to remark him in a place he could not reach.



Harry closed his eyes and realized that after all this time; Draco Malfoy had been just as scared, lonely, and lost as he had been during their years at Hogwarts.



The Gryffindor in him raged at the injustice of it all and took pity on the Malfoy heir.



Pity was a strange thing and Harry wanted to discard it for a new feeling. Harry knew Draco would not look kindly at being pitied. Of the two of them, Draco had attempted to make the very best of their time here at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, in his own way, and Harry acknowledged that now.



Draco had left him be, except the few times Draco had insisted on forcing Harry to eat or to inform him that Ron was at the door. And when they were in the same room, Draco had been everything Harry knew him to be, snobby, sarcastic, and betimes downright cruel…and Harry wondered if it was all forced for Harry’s sake.



The Draco he saw an hour ago was not the boy he had known at Hogwarts. This was the Draco Harry had caught glimpses of in his Pensieve, in hidden memories and secret conversations with their deceased Headmaster. And, of course, there was the vulnerable, confused man Harry had taken to St. Mary’s—the Draco before the conditioning.



It was strange that Draco rarely mentioned St. Mary’s and, if at all, it centered around Harry’s grand fuck up to celebrate the cruel Malfoy Harry expected of him. This, of course, only reinforced Harry’s belief that Draco was trying to be his old self for Harry so he didn’t….didn’t what?



Harry shook his head. Maybe it was smart of him because Harry was unsure of what he would do or say if Draco became completely uninhibited around him and allowed Harry to see the vulnerable, altogether different Draco underneath.



Or maybe he wasn’t all that different. Maybe Draco was just a little more humane that Harry had always thought. Maybe he is always going to be the Draco Malfoy Harry had always known him as, but his opinion of the Malfoy heir became skewed because, lo, Draco Malfoy isn’t the evil prick that his preceding reputation dictated him as.



And what would that mean?



It would definitely make him tolerable.



Harry chewed on the inside of his cheek and sat back in the chair, resting his hands behind his head.



No, not pity. Malfoy made his choices and so did Harry Potter. Harry had made his fair share of stupid decisions in his time and Draco didn’t pity him for the repercussions.



Harry thought of the way Draco’s blond hair would fall into his laughing gray eyes and how his soft, cruel lips would curve into this all-knowing smile every time he looked Harry’s way and Harry suddenly found it hard to breathe.



Harry hid himself away from the Malfoy heir because no one could make his blood feel like fire like Draco could. Harry had forgotten how that felt, to feel alive. And it was impossible to not want to start a row with Draco Malfoy, not because he could be a downright insufferable prick, but because of the challenge.



Pride was a common denominator between the two of them, and Harry knew it. However, Harry had very little to be proud for in a very long time. A single word from Draco, and Harry was fired up, defensive, and ready to protect whatever Draco had a mind to take a stab at.



And Harry would be a liar if he claimed it didn’t feel perfect and right and good when he let go and kissed Draco Malfoy back. It felt like a release of something, an understanding passing between the two of them, and it scared Harry senseless.



Harry couldn’t treat Draco like Cruent; he couldn’t get involved in another shallow relationship for three very good reasons. One, it had taken Harry way too long to deal with the guilt of hurting Cruent like he had. There is no payoff for Harry in breaking someone’s heart; he just didn’t want the broken heart to be his. After Ginny, Harry just couldn’t take it anymore. Those who didn’t leave him by dying left him because they didn’t want him anymore. And that hurt Harry more than anything else he could think of. The people who saw past the celebrity usually didn’t like what they saw.



Two, Harry wasn’t all that certain Malfoy was sane. Both his parents were dead, but Draco only ever mentions his mother, acting as if Lucius never existed. Draco wouldn’t encourage conversation about what happened inside St. Mary’s. The Malfoy heir rarely commented about his own past except during the few arguments they shared and the only time he became angry was when his mother, Voldemort, or Pansy Parkinson was mentioned.



Third, really, it was Draco Malfoy. Harry wasn’t even certain he was gay, let alone the fact that Harry was still coming to terms that Draco Malfoy wasn’t actually hate-worthy. Sure, he was gorgeous and suave and everything that made Harry’s blood quicken, but…in another time and place…



A small voice nudged its way into Harry’s train of thought and whispered that this might just be that ‘other time and place’. Harry shook his head, dispelling the idea. Harry wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he added himself to the list of troubles Draco had to deal with right now. Or, could he? Harry shook his head again.



And while Cruent and he had been a casual thing, Cruent had been nothing like Harry. The more Harry thought about it, the more he realized he had in common with the Malfoy heir. And, of course, there was that bloody scar and its unclear magical connection to tend with.



Harry squeezed his eyes shut as his thoughts began to lose clarity and became more obscure and scrambled, bartering with one another for the upper hand. When he opened them, Harry gazed down and focused on the Transfer Case scroll, picking up an ink quill and setting it to the scroll. Harry bit his lip and second guessed himself for the thousandth time in an hour. Would it really be better if they weren’t so near one another? Would it really better if Malfoy’s case was handled by another team of Aurors?



Was Harry really just being a coward?



Harry scowled and began to ink his name into the magical document. With a sigh, Harry threw down the quill half way through his first name and ripped the document to pieces. It may be a very bad idea to continue this living agreement, but Harry Potter was no coward.



And Draco was right; Harry owed him a life debt. He would not be Gryffindor if he backed out now.



Suddenly feeling relieved, Harry smiled a little to himself, a smile that didn’t quite reach his tired, green eyes, and rested his chin in his hands, staring across the study and into the fire.



Harry’s arm suddenly began to burn and his forehead began to tingle. Harry gasped and clutched at his arm, trying to rub the irritation away. Abruptly, Harry felt nauseous and weak, the energy draining from him inexplicably. And then, as he somehow lost the ability to move his wrist, Slightly popped into the room, her eyes wide and shining with her tears.



“Mr. Harry Potter, sir!” Slightly sobbed and hiccupped. “Harry Potter must come quickly! Master needs you!”



Harry instantly jumped to his feet, swaying slightly with his dizziness. “What’s wrong?”



“Master needs Harry Potter!” Slightly shrieked. “Master told Slightly not to come but Slightly disobeyed! Master is hurt!”



“Hurt?!” Harry said, running out into the hall and rushing towards Draco’s room. Slightly followed closely behind, wailing her grief.



Harry skidded to a halt in front of Draco’s room and barged in. Seeing no one, Harry stepped in, trying to blink away his dizziness and shake off the sudden heavy feeling in his limbs. Harry turned towards the bathroom and his heart stopped when he saw thick red blood oozing in from under the bathroom door.



“Fuck,” Harry muttered as he stumbled forward and threw open the door.



Draco lay across the bathroom floor, staring glassy eyed at a tiled wall, his left arm a bloody wreck and his wand on the other side of the bathroom. There was blood everywhere and the bathroom smelled thickly of it.



Immediately, Harry tried to pull out his wand, but the fingers of his left hand wouldn’t work properly. Using his right hand, Harry pulled out his wand and uttered a string of spells Madame Pomfrey had once taught him that would immediately close all the wounds on Malfoy arm.



As they healed and Harry slipped across the blood-slicked floor to grasp a hold of Malfoy and pull him from the room, Draco raised his hazy, gray eyes. “Don’t…not supposed…to be…here…”



“Why would you do this?!!” Harry shouted as he lifted Draco and carried him to the bed.



“Not…supposed to be here…mistake,” Draco mumbled. “Fixing…mistake.”



Harry laid Draco down on the bed and hovered over him, checking vitals and making sure all the cuts on his arm had closed up. “You are not a mistake, Malfoy.” Draco’s heartbeat was way too slow.



“No one…would miss me…” Draco heaved a sigh and closed his eyes.



Harry crawled under the sheets with Draco, concentrating that magic between them, trying to charge it with his own energy and wandless magic. “I would,” Harry whispered, pulling Draco’s body close and pressing his forehead against the lightning bolt scar. Suddenly, yellow crackling energy began spiking around them. “Look at me, Malfoy.”



“No…you wouldn’t,” Draco murmured dreamily. “You would just…feel bad…”



“Look at me.”



Draco opened his eyes and gazed back into Harry’s intensely worried green eyes.



“I would miss you,” Harry whispered fiercely. “I didn’t send out the transfer.”



Draco blinked slowly until his eyes lost their pigment and his pupils became as wide as his irises.



“Malfoy?” Harry called out, terrified. “Malfoy?!”



Harry shook him and the energy spiking and swirling around them became denser. “You are not allowed to die here! Malfoy! Look at me!”



Harry’s voice became frantic and he squeezed his eyes, trying to pour his magic into the energy that connected them. Harry’s heart beat wildly as the energy surged through his body and into Draco’s. Draco’s body jumped as the energy charged his heart, again and again, trying to restart it.



“Breathe!” Harry screamed. “Goddamit, Draco! Breathe!”



And then, when Harry’s heart felt like it was going to explode, one last charge jolted against Draco’s heart and he arched in Harry’s embrace, sucking in a breath; and then everything went white.



Through the brilliance of their peaked magic, Harry shivered against Draco’s body, the nerves in his limbs jarred by the experience of his own energy being used to revive another human being. Draco brought a hand up and ran it down the length of Harry’s cheek.



“Shh,” Draco whispered, still in a dream-like state, and gathering Harry into his arms. “I’ve got you.”



Harry buried his face into Draco’s chest, feeling his heart beating steadily, and continued to shiver and twitch.



“Thank you,” Harry heard Draco whisper, anguish in his voice making it thick and heavy; and Harry began weep with relief.



~*~



a/n: Thanx for all the awesome reviews!



Jien: Thank you!



Graballz: I hope you enjoyed part two! They're definitely turning a corner. Thanx for your review!



Jan: Lol, I must keep my readers on their toes. All is well, though, and all the fun smut is right over this hill. Thanx for your review!



Lissagal99: Aww! Really?! I cried when I thought it up, driving home from work the other day. I did, I swear. I was so tired when I wrote it, though, I thought perhaps it wasn't as 'tear-jerking' as I wanted it to be. So, thank you! :-P



Wizli: Yeah, no kidding. Sleep? Pfft! Um, it's definitely going to be a tad dark, but there is going to be a ton of sweet moments too. (The Harry POV thing)-->I sorta did that on purpose, because, while I know what's going on with Harry, Draco doesn't and we've been following his story so much more closely. I figure, for the most part, it might be sweeter to understand Harry when Draco does. However, I think your right and this part definitely worked better from Harry's POV, considering that the actual act of Draco slicing himself up needs to be explained, but not, technically, described. And their dialogue is so much more entertaining than their thoughts, anyway, lol. And you had better stay in the HP universe! What am I going to do without your inspirational reviews?! Lol, thanx and I hope you enjoyed!



Bigkt: Thank you! I hope you liked the update!



HPDMkawii: Well, thank you for your review!



Thrnbrooke: Awww! Well, I hope this chapter restarted it! Thanx for your review!



Zypher: Ha ha, you crack me up, chick. And I am not mean! Well, maybe a little. Awww...well, keep your chin up, dearie. There's always a silver lining! Thanx for your review!