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Seasons of War	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 9697 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I am not making any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 23
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Thank you again for all the reviews!

Chapter Twenty-Four�In
Motion

�� You did what.�

�� It wasn�t a
question. Harry didn�t care. He lifted his eyebrows at Draco and went on eating
his eggs, almost shoveling them down his throat. He had the feeling that he
should, because he might not get much more to eat if Draco leaped across the
table and attacked him the way Harry thought he would. �I went to Holder, and
she agreed that she and Robards would tell everyone that you�d earned the wound
in their service and with their cooperation,� he said. �And spin lies that
would keep people from questioning you.�

�� Draco
banged his spoon down into the middle of the table. Harry wasn�t sure if he had
meant to do that�Draco�s lost eye was still giving him trouble with
perspective�but he didn�t comment on it. Draco had leaped to his feet and
leaned forwards, and that was more pressing.

�� We cannot
trust them,� Draco whispered. �This is a betrayal. I can�t believe I trusted
you. First I trusted that I wouldn�t come to harm if I let Raverat look into my
mind, as you advised, and that was proved false. And now this. Why do I stay
with you?� He whirled away, one hand shooting out to grip the table so he
didn�t fall.

�� Harry could
understand Draco�s grief and pain, especially when there wasn�t any proof yet
that they would be able to heal those scars on his face or restore his eye. But
he wasn�t going to let the accusations against Raverat go unanswered.

�� Raverat
triggered a trap that Nemo left there,� he answered evenly, pausing to swallow another
mouthful of eggs. �He didn�t do that himself.�

�� You have
no proof!� Draco turned around again,
his expression distorted by rage and pain. �You have no proof that Granger is a
Seer, except that he said she was! You have no proof that these dreams about
the removal of bones mean Nihil is happy, except what he says! You can�t trust him.�

�� Harry rose
to his feet and moved around the table, trying to keep his anger and his
sympathy properly balanced. He didn�t want to argue with everything Draco was
saying or give in just because he
felt sorry for him. That would start a trend that wouldn�t be easy to get rid
of. �I trust Portillo Lopez,� he said. �And I think she would know if someone
in her Order served a necromancer like Nihil.�

�� Draco shook
his head, a crazed, sad smile on his lips. �She might be untrustworthy too, for
all we know. And Ketchum. He was the one who made us swear the oath that we
wouldn�t serve Nihil. What if it�s false? What if everyone in the camp could be
a spy, and we couldn�t know it?�

�� He reached
up with one hand to the scars on his face, and Harry jumped over the table and
pinned his arms to his sides.

�� Draco started
and stared at him, breath quickening. �What are you doing?� he asked, in a voice
that was a bit calmer than it had been. �Afraid that I�ll feel the scars and
find out for myself how ugly I look?�

�� You can
find out what the scars look like in any mirror,� Harry said. He wanted to
scream, too, but it would do no good to have two of them hysterical. �And I don�t think you�re ugly��

�� Of course
you do,� Draco said. �Of course you do. Your face wasn�t the one marked, and
you can�t help but look at me and then let your eyes flinch away every time you
do. You�ll see these scars as a reminder of how stupid I was for the rest of my
life, and that will make me less attractive to you.� He was fighting Harry�s
grip by now, fingers curving and hooking in the way that Harry was afraid of,
because he might reach up and scratch at the scars.

�� Harry
shifted and threw Draco off-balance, so that he sank back into his abandoned
chair. By the time that Draco reached up to do the same thing to him, Harry had
got his right hand to its goal. He had lifted his fringe and turned so that
Draco�s remaining eye could focus on the scar that decorated his forehead.

�� Draco
stared long enough that Harry wondered if he was simply having trouble seeing,
and then turned his head to the side and shut his eye. �It�s not the same
thing,� he said, voice muffled. �Your scar can be concealed by your hair, and
now people think of it as a badge of heroism.�

�� I can�t do
anything about what others will think of you, except offer to duel them if they
insult you to your face,� Harry said calmly. He took Draco�s arm again, though this
time Draco seemed less inclined to struggle. �We were talking about you and me.
I don�t think you�re ugly. I have a scar that I got from a Dark force, too, and
to think that you were stupid for having yours, I�d have to think I was stupid
for having mine.�

�� Yes, but
yours was earned when you were just a baby,� Draco said. He was mumbling now.
His head drooped as if he was exhausted.

�� I know
that,� Harry said. �But you�re simultaneously accusing Raverat of being a
traitor and saying that your scars are your fault. So I don�t know what you
think or what to do.� He tried to convert his clamp on Draco�s arms to soothing
strokes.

�� The mention
of Raverat jerked Draco�s head up again as if it was on strings. �I think he
is,� he said sharply. �You don�t. I was referring to the fact that you must think the scars are my fault
because you don�t believe he gave them to me on purpose.�

�� No,� Harry
said. �I trust him, so I think this was the result of a trap springing. This is
no one�s fault, except the fault of Nihil and whatever beast he was using to
lift us in the first place. And even then, I don�t think Nihil meant to leave
us alive. He meant to do something worse, and you helped me in getting free. It
was accidental, and I�ll always think of it that way.�

�� Yes, of
course you will.� Draco�s voice was thick now, and he was straining against the
back of the chair as if he wanted to get away from Harry�s hands. �You won�t
even cooperate with me in investigating Raverat.�

�� Harry took
a deep breath and knelt down in front of Draco. As he had hoped would happen,
the change in posture brought Draco�s eye open, and he stared bleakly at Harry,
the eyelid over the empty socket fluttering up and down for a moment as though
he was opening it in sheer reflex.

�� If it means
that much to you, and you really think that he could be a traitor or someone
who did this to you on purpose,� Harry said quietly, �then I will.�

�� Draco
breathed instead of saying anything for several minutes. Then he shook his
head. �But you�ll have some hidden sympathy for him,� he muttered. �If we found
evidence, then you would insist on waiting instead of confronting him with it.�

�� Harry
nodded. �I would insist on waiting,
but that�s because we would need Portillo Lopez to interpret it, I think. Not
because I wouldn�t want to publicize it or because I would trust him more than
you. Yes, I would feel strongly, but it would be shock and horror and disgust.
My primary loyalty is to you, Draco. Always. I�ll do anything you need me to
do.�

�� Draco
looked away. Harry watched him and thought about how the scars and the loss of
his eye changed his face, but didn�t endanger Harry�s ability to read it. Harry
was glad that they�d got so close before the damage, if only for Draco�s sake.

�� Then let
me go,� Draco whispered.

�� Harry
watched him for some time, judged that the dangerous moment when he might have
clawed at his face was past, and stood up and moved backwards. Draco watched
him go with a complex expression that Harry didn�t know how to interpret until
he murmured, �Even then, you thought about it before you reacted. So much for
doing as I needed, even when what I need is freedom.�

�� Harry
sighed. �You wanted freedom. I had to
be sure that you really needed it. I have no problem knocking you down and sitting
on you as well as doing what you tell me, because sometimes you�ll need one
thing and sometimes you�ll need the other.�

�� Draco gave
a disgusted huffing noise and flopped back in his chair, picking at his
fingernails. �When did you get so
adult?� he muttered. Harry had to half-close his eyes with relief, because the
tone in Draco�s voice was an old and familiar one.

�� Among
other things, when this happened,� he said quietly. He thought of asking
whether Draco had considered a magical eye, but given the way Draco�s shoulders
had stiffened at his words, he didn�t think it was the best idea. �So. Do you
want to go out and face people yet, or not?�

�� I�m going
to be sick today,� Draco said, and closed his eyes as if he could feel the
sickness coming on even while he said that.

�� All
right,� Harry said. He knew what he would do in a situation like this,
especially one where Holder and Robards had promised their protection, but he
wasn�t Draco, and he also knew that Holder and Robards hadn�t actually come
through and proved they would keep their word yet. He let his hand brush
briefly across Draco�s shoulder for a moment before he turned and left the
tent.

*

�� I don�t
know.�

�� Draco
ground his teeth. How hard was one question
to answer? He had simply asked whether he could have a magical eye put in or
the old one regrown, which would depend on Portillo Lopez and her Order being
able to find out whether this wound was the product of necromantic magic too
strong to overcome. And Portillo Lopez still looked at him with flat eyes and
refused to tell him.

�� Fine,� he
said, getting up and turning towards his bed. The distances seemed to sway
before they stabilized. Draco shook his head. What he hated most of all about
his eye being gone was his inability to judge things the way he had before:
distances, words on a page, the relative position of objects to one another.

�� Portillo
Lopez, and Granger, had both assured him that it would get better and the
remaining eye would, if not compensate, get stronger to take up the other eye�s
slack. That he would learn how to use it better, Draco had no doubt. He�d
always been stubborn. But he didn�t think that his eye would really get
stronger. That was the kind of comforting, hopeful thing that you said to a
wounded child, not an adult.

�� You must
realize that this only happened yesterday,� Portillo Lopez said. �There is so
much that we don�t know yet.�

�� Draco
turned his head back to glare at her, and promptly barked his shin on the bed.
Portillo Lopez, luckily, had the kind of face that could cover up mirth with a
serious expression, so she didn�t laugh at him. Not that he might have been
able to tell if she was, Draco thought, enraged and frustrated. Perhaps what he
hated most of all about the weakness of this eye was the inability to read the
subtle changes in faces he had always relied on. �You collected skin from the
scars. When will you know?�

�� There is
something else I could do that might lead to faster answers,� Portillo Lopez
said. �I did not want to do it at first because I thought the request
insensitive.�

�� Draco could
only stare at her with his mouth open. There was something that Portillo Lopez thought too much to ask?
But he realized that he probably looked like an idiot, so he slammed his mouth
shut, took a deep breath, and demanded, �What, then?�

�� Taking
skin from the socket itself,� Portillo Lopez said. �I was hardly about to ask
you yesterday, with your protective friends nearby. I will ask you now.� She
withdrew a vial and a scraping instrument of some kind from under her robes and
held them up to Draco as if they should be a guarantee of her good faith.

�� Draco
watched her, as much as he could with his eye, and swallowed. �Will it hurt?�
he asked. �I think I�ve endured enough pain.� He tried to make the second
sentence as haughty as possible, to take away from the vulnerability that he
knew the first expressed.

�� It will,�
said Portillo Lopez. �I shall try to be as gentle as possible so that it does
not provoke a return of the pain from the attack, of course.�

�� Draco
flinched as he thought about that. He admittedly didn�t remember much about the
pain, which had knocked him unconscious so quickly that he�d had to rely on
Harry for the details, but the thought of confronting it again made him have to
grip the bed. On the other hand, he wanted answers.

�� I give you
permission,� he said, and stepped closer to Portillo Lopez. He could feel his
eyelid over the socket fluttering spasmodically, and he knew that he probably
looked like even more of an idiot than he had standing there with his mouth
open. No, perhaps what he hated most about having the eye gone was this: not being able to know what he
looked like and so fool his enemies with a smooth mask the way his father had
taught him to do.

�� Of course,
Harry might say that he had no enemies among the Aurors right now except for
any who served Nihil. Draco wasn�t sure about that. It had yet to be proven
that Robards and Holder would keep their word.

�� Portillo
Lopez lifted the eyelid and then reached out with the scraper. Draco flinched,
but her voice said, cold and remote, �Careful, unless you want me to take your
other eye.�

�� The sudden
fear of blindness was paralyzing. Draco held still, and though it hurt when the
scraper removed some of the skin that lay in the socket, he couldn�t actually
see anything and the pain was minute�the kind he would feel from pricking his
finger with a needle. Portillo Lopez stepped back and dipped the scraper into
the vial. Draco thought he saw a few flakes of skin fall into it, but wasn�t
sure.

�� Good,� she
said, and nodded to him. �There is a ritual I need to perform that will require
the help of some of the other members of my Order, but I should have answers
for you this evening.� She turned and left.

�� Alone,
Draco found that his resolution of going to bed wouldn�t hold out, and neither
would the one he had half-made when Harry left, to sit around and feel sorry
for himself. He got out a book and tried to read, but the words swam on the
page and his remaining eye began to hurt. He closed it and leaned back with his
head on the chair, eye closed.

�� How could this have happened?

�� Of course,
he had theories of his own, even if no one had asked for them yet. They all,
including Harry, wanted to treat him like he was some sort of helpless victim,
but Draco�s mind was working as well as ever under the blanket of shock and
despair. He could think, and he had come up with an explanation that made sense
for the attack.

�� Nihil could
no longer get through the barriers in the same way that he had when Nusquam was
alive. That left out Apparating out the beasts into the camp. But he could have
a beast that would attack through the mental space, or from a distance. Draco
thought the trap left in his mind by Nemo�if it had ever been real, if Raverat
wasn�t a traitor�had sent out a call to one of those beasts. The bony hands
holding him had belonged to an animal, not a human; the number of fingers had
been wrong. Those yellow sparks he�d seen could have been eyes. And the living dead
didn�t have hands or eyes like that.

�� That meant
that cornering the beast and finding out what it had been, and how it had
stolen his eye, might give him the chance to get it back.

�� Draco
flexed his hand on the arm of the chair and opened his eye, wishing now that he
hadn�t been so hasty as to destroy or ban all the necromancy books Harry had
found. If he could discover a real way of calling up the beasts and making them
obey him, he could get the answers more quickly.

�� Trainee
Malfoy?�

�� Draco was
on his feet in instants, keeping one hand locked in place on the chair so that
he wouldn�t stumble. None of the people who called him by that title were ones
that he wanted to look weak in front of, and this was not Portillo Lopez�s
voice, so it wasn�t magically evening yet.

�� Raverat
stood in the flap of the tent, looking at him with pity. Draco had learned to
recognize that expression, at least,
as well as the little flinch that came when someone glanced at his scars. He
stepped forwards with his hand out. �I wanted to��

�� You had
your chance to ruin me.� Draco barely recognized his own voice. It was a low
snarl from the bottom of his throat, and it sounded as threatening as the cry
of the beast that had crippled him might have. �Get out.�

�� I came to
apologize,� Raverat said. His head was turned now, and Draco thought with sour
amusement that he couldn�t even look at the results of his work. �I never meant
to do that. But it was a trap that Nihil sent. It was not deliberate. I wanted
you to know that. Please��

�� Leave,�
Draco said, and reached back until he found his wand. A murmur detached a chunk
of wood from the bed, and he flung it in Raverat�s direction. But of course his
aim was off, and Raverat simply ducked, a soft look of shock replacing the more
complex expression on his face.

�� You�re
being irrational,� he said.

�� You lose
an eye and we�ll see how fucking rational
you are,� Draco snarled. He thought for a moment of what would happen if
Harry or Portillo Lopez walked in right now, how he would look. But he
dismissed the notion from his mind. He probably wouldn�t be able to tell what
he looked like anyway, given his lack of control over his face now. So he might
as well enjoy acting like a madman.

�� It was a
trap,� Raverat said. �I was trying to help you. I had no notion that triggering
the trap would do something like that! And Trainee Granger and I tried to reach
you when you and Trainee Potter were in the clutches of that animal. We simply
couldn�t. Please. I only wish to apologize.�

�� Draco felt
absurdly gratified for a moment that someone else had realized that an animal,
and not one of the living dead, was holding him. Portillo Lopez had spoken as
if a giant skeleton that Nihil had resurrected was the only possible candidate.

�� Then he remembered
that he couldn�t trust Raverat anyway, which meant he couldn�t trust his
opinion about the beast that had picked him up, and he chopped loose another
chunk of wood and held it ready to throw.

�� We can�t
trust you,� he said. �You could have lied about all of this, and how are we to
tell, when no one but you can feel these magical sensitivities in the brain?
Leave. I have no reason to speak to you.�

�� Raverat
flinched for a moment, as if that accusation of blame, alone among all of them,
had gone home. But then he took a deep breath and shook his head. �You have to listen to me,� he said. �There�s
something I didn�t tell you.�

�� Unsurprising,�
Draco drawled, but he felt his stomach flip. For the first time since Raverat
had entered, he wished Harry was here.

�� Raverat
sighed. �It was something I only realized today, and that�s the reason I came��

�� Obviating
that need to apologize that you claimed as your reason for coming a moment
ago,� Draco murmured.

�� Raverat
flinched and looked miserable. Draco was glad. He wondered if he could damage
Raverat further. Throwing pieces of wood or casting curses wasn�t as satisfying
as hurting someone with words. That left no wounds like the ones on his face,
but it would lacerate Raverat in a way that no one else could blame him for.

�� Or should Draco hold out for physical
injuries like the kind that he bore now, and refuse to accept any other
recompense as equal?

�� I came for
both reasons,� Raverat said. �But even if you won�t accept my apology, even if
you have no reason to do so, I hope that you�ll still accept my explanation. It
could make the difference between healing and not healing.�

�� Draco was
tempted to respond with another flood of poison, to say that he would never
heal and he didn�t understand what Raverat meant by it, but his curiosity�and
the stupid hope that still flourished in the center of his soul despite the
unencouraging comments from Portillo Lopez�won out. He put down the chunk of
wood and nodded for Raverat to come in and sit down. He himself remained on his
feet, although safely in the same place.

�� I was
looking at the notes that I made after you were injured,� Raverat said, �when I
was writing down everything I could remember as soon as I could, so that I
wouldn�t lose those impressions later. I thought they might be of some value.�

�� Draco
nodded in grudging respect. Harry might have thought it was heartless to make
notes so soon after an accident�if it was an accident�like this, but Draco knew
that one�s intellectual curiosity didn�t die so easily, most of the time.

�� I wrote
down that, right before the trap triggered, I saw the vision of a beast with
many eyes and long arms,� Raverat said. �It vanished when the trap flipped, and
then of course I thought I saw the same thing pick you up. But it�s telling
that Nemo felt the urge to place an image like that in your mind instead of
letting it be a surprise. Had I known what it meant at the time, I would have
been able to back away and warn you.�

�� Draco
thought, and then decided that the amount of self-loathing in his voice was
right and didn�t need to be increased right now. �What does it mean, then?�

�� I think
the placing of the image was involuntary, rather like the placing of the images
of stripping Granger of her bones,� Raverat said. �It was a stupid attack to
make, when it warned her that something was happening. If Nihil had wanted to
control her mind, he would have been more subtle. It makes sense only as an
involuntary emanation of the enemy�s emotions, and I think this is the same
way.�

�� Yet it
came to life,� Draco said, and kept his voice empty of inflection, because that
made Raverat look more haunted.

�� Yes.�
Raverat shook his head. �But even if was meant to come to life, there was no
need to warn us about it.�

�� Draco considered
that theory and decided that he could accept it. Yet��Nemo was stupid enough to
place such an image,� he said. �Even if Nihil wasn�t.�

�� Nemo, I
theorize, is a concentration of brute strength in one particular area, in this
case raising beasts,� Raverat said. �He is stupid in the same way that an
instinctive animal is stupid, or the absent-minded geniuses that one reads
about sometimes. Brilliant in his particular area, considerably less brilliant
at everything outside it. This trap was within his area. He would have known
how to set it without that particular image.�

�� Draco
grunted. �Then why?�

�� His fear
and surprise when Trainee Potter and you managed to subdue him must have been
great,� Raverat said. His words were careful. Draco wondered if that was
because he didn�t want to betray his true loyalties or because the concept was
actually complicated enough to require considered writing. �The beast was the
first one he thought of. The surprise and fear, combined into a desire for
revenge, might have been enough to create that image. He was anticipating what
would happen when you ran into it.�

�� Draco ran
his fingers over his scars for the pleasure of seeing Raverat wince again. He
had to learn their lines, too, he thought, their force and direction. It was
the first step towards regaining control of his expression. �Then explain why
this matters. It�s all just speculation, and not explanation for the loss of my
eye.�

�� Raverat
leaned forwards, his smile grim. �We don�t have direct access to Nihil to ask
him what he�s happy about. But we do have
Nemo here, to ask him questions about the beast, what it is and does.�

*

�� polka dot: Well,
Draco still hopes to get the original eye back right now. We�ll see how well
that goes.

�� thrnbrooke:
Here it is.

�� Dragons
Breath: Holder�s response is mostly in the next chapter. Draco would get a
magical eye if he had to, but right now he is more concerned about his
appearance.

�� anonaon:
Thanks for reviewing.

�� SP777: Poor
Draco. The part of Chapter 23 from his POV is deliberately written in the most
smothering style I can imagine, as he tries to come to terms with things.

�� qwerty: Hee!
I have to admit that I laughed at your outrage against Harry. I think it�s
perfectly justified, but then, this is the kind of stupid thing Harry would do.

�� The balls
of nothingness were Harry�s way of trying to show Holder that this is serious.
She did pay more attention to him after that.

�� Ultimately,
Harry thought they would be more in danger if he didn�t do something, because
his panic would continue to build and he might get to the point where he couldn�t
think at all, never mind clearly.
- 23
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Seasons of War