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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

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Lost and Damned

Save Your Breath, It�s Far From Over

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�Gone! Dumbledore is gone!�
Severus stood on the sidelines, watching as foolish, younger Death Eaters celebrated the leave of Albus Dumbledore. They stood in an old, dark home of the Lestrange�s latest murder victims. Many Death Eaters had been released from Azkaban some time back and this was the first meeting since their release. Severus could not say he was pleased by the return of Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Rabastan, Amycus, Alecto, or any of the others, but they at the very least hadn�t done too much harm yet. Bellatrix was among those celebrating, sending her seductive looks towards the Dark Lord and lavishing him with many congratulations and compliments. If she wasn�t practically throwing herself at their lord, she would send glares in his direction now and again and Severus was only counting down the moments before she tried pestering him or dirtying his name to the Dark Lord. She had never liked him and the feeling had always been quite mutual.
�Gone, but not dead,� the Dark Lord said after a moment, echoing thoughts Severus had been entertaining all night. He did not want Albus dead, but he didn�t see any reason any of them should celebrate until he was.
�But he is gone from Hogwarts, my lord,� Rabastan pointed out.
�The school must be considerably weaker with him gone,� Azrael Avery added.
�Yes,� the Dark Lord said. �This is very good�There are other things, however�More important things to worry about. Let us not forget that while Dumbledore might be gone, he may only have all the more time to dedicate to the Order. We must act quickly�We cannot afford any more time to be wasted. I will not have any more failures.�
This sobered up a good number of people and silence fell among the group for the first time since they arrived. All eyes were on him and the Dark Lord smirked, pleased by the attention and by the more serious expressions he saw. �Now�Severus.�
His expression was set, as serious as ever, hiding all traces of dread he felt. He had a bad feeling he knew what was coming. Still, he marched forward obediently and bowed for his �master.� He could feel the Dark Lord probing into his mind, not even asking questions. Severus offered up the memory he was supposed to show the Dark Lord, before Dumbledore�s leave ruined everything. Severus obviously needed a reason to cut off his ties with Potter and while he hid every memory of the true reason, he pushed forward the memory he and Albus had staged. A meeting in his office�Albus accusing Severus of all sorts of perversions before refusing to allow Severus be alone with the boy until he knew all of the facts. Albus was suspicious, though he didn�t know anything�It was the best excuse Albus could come up with, though they knew allowing the Dark Lord to think Albus suspected anything could result in a less favorable response. Though it would work out in the end.
�Crucio!�
Severus hissed in pain as every muscle in his body burned, pain rippling through every inch of him. When it left suddenly, he found he had dropped to his knees. He breathed raggedly and struggled to his feet, hating the quiet laughter he heard behind him.
�I do not like that Dumbledore is suspicious of you,� the Dark Lord said. �Be sure to�ahh�ease his troubled mind. I cannot afford to lose a valuable a spy as you are, Severus. Though�now that Dumbledore is gone, I see no reason for you to stay away from Harry Potter. Try to remain in the old man�s good graces and resume your previous relationship with the boy.�
Shit. He knew it was coming, but that didn�t mean he liked it. He had tried on many occasions to wiggle his way out of this forced friendship with Potter, and he had come so close to success before this. Damn Potter and damn Albus. He did not need to be around that boy! He had been feeling more and more comfortable, more and more confident in himself the less alone time he had to spend with the brat. He felt more in control of himself. He didn�t loathe himself nearly as much. Somehow the Potter boy was getting to him and ruining him and doing something to his mind. Even as a potions master he hadn�t entirely ruled out the brat poisoning him or something. He had finally, for a while there, felt free of whatever spell it was Potter was holding over him, but now he had to return to that state of feeling�feeling something entirely inappropriate for the Gryffindor.
�Of course, my lord.�
�Very good,� the Dark Lord said, that sick smirk on his face again.
�My lord�You should have dear Severus rape the boy�I�m sure he�d enjoy that much more,� Bellatrix said with a grin, louder laughter erupting from the group of Death Eaters. Even the Dark Lord chuckled quietly. His sexuality was no secret among this group, and was something they enjoyed using against him almost as much as they enjoyed using his half blood status against him. They called him every name in the book, making him disgusted by his sexuality for the longest time, though in all honesty he no longer cared. The Wizarding world had very old-fashioned beliefs, especially among such traditionalists as the purebloods. Severus only smiled politely and looked around at them, biting his tongue when his eyes came upon Lucius, laughing along with the rest of them, though pain and fear were clear in his gray eyes.
�Oh, Bellatrix�I think Harry Potter might enjoy it just as much,� the Dark Lord said suggestively and she gasped along with a few others who hadn�t� been there for that particular revelation.
�Potter�s one of them?� Bellatrix asked in half disgust and amusement.
�Potter the poof,� snorted Rodolphus.
�Quite,� the Dark Lord said. �Perhaps you could do something on that front, as well, Severus�Without Dumbledore there. As long as you are careful, of course.�
Severus was beginning to realize there were worse forms of torture than the Cruciatus Curse. Severus felt sick to his stomach at the implications of raping the boy, but actually seducing him didn�t make him feel much better. Of course, the Dark Lord understood that he could not guarantee such a thing, on the off chance someone did find out and reported it to Dumbledore�Or even that alone could land him in Azkaban. Surely Severus could excuse himself from that particular order.
�Shag him silly!� called Rabastan.
�Show him a good time, Sevy!� sang Alecto Carrow.
�Take some pictures, will ya? Send �em in to the Prophet and see how they like their hero now!� chortled Abbadon Avery.
They all had a good laugh over it and Severus stood there and took it with his same polite smile, nodding to the Dark Lord before rejoining the crowd, letting him hush the crowd up and continue with business as usual, though he only smiled in amusement with every quiet comment anyone dared make along with silent laughter. Severus wasn�t worried about it�He wasn�t going to go there.

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Of course, Severus had barely returned to his rooms that night before receiving a message from Albus via Fawkes. The phoenix was in his rooms, dropping a letter onto the coffee table before vanishing when Severus arrived. He frowned as he picked it up, glancing over the words, feeling more and more trapped as he read, clutching the parchment in his hands.
Dear Severus,
I am aware of certain issues you may have with Harry Potter, but we cannot let such things get in the way at a time such as this. It is of great importance that you continue teaching Harry. I offer my deepest apologies my friend, but since I am not there, he needs someone. Please look after him and make sure he takes his lessons very seriously. I am sure that with all of this he may finally grasp how vital it is that he continue learning and do his best to master such an ability. I have every bit of faith in you, my friend.
Yours truly,
Albus Dumbledore
The old fool didn�t even let Fawkes stay to take a reply. That, more than anything, secured Severus in his role. As usual when it came to Potter, he was forced into being near the brat from both ends. Crumpling up the parchment, Severus tossed it into the fire before sinking down into his chair and summoning a bottle of his best brandy.
Perhaps this time away had cured him of whatever disease had put such feelings and thoughts into him about Potter. Surely that was all that it was�Affects of some poison or spell or simply a disease that messed with his mind. And perhaps Potter had cooled off by now and had focused his unwanted attentions elsewhere. He could only hope Albus was right and that Potter would take his lessons more seriously, though Severus somehow doubted it.
Determined to think about Potter no more tonight, Severus raised the bottle to his lips and took a healthy drink, summoning one of his books from the shelf, Wuthering Heights. If the book couldn�t distract him, maybe getting drunk might.

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The next day, Dolores Umbridge was declared Hogwarts�s new headmistress. The world, surely, had to be coming to an end as she took Albus�s usual seat in the middle of the Head Table in the Great Hall. She smiled sweetly the whole time, as though everyone�s glowers were bright smiles. Most of his Slytherins seemed pleased and Severus had been tempted to take points from his own House for supporting that cow. At the very least Draco seemed unsure of himself, seeming to question if he should rejoice with his fellow Slytherins or glare at the woman like the rest of the school. He turned his gray eyes to Severus after a while and Severus gave him a small nod and the boy merely settled on looking bored with the proceedings.
Umbridge even dared to stand when the first students stood to leave, stopping them long enough to give a �lovely� speech about the students now being able to have a proper education and being free from lies and being pushed into situations and knowledge they were too young and innocent for. Severus wanted to snort. Minerva looked disgusted. Septima was glaring daggers at the wall ahead, looking as though she were biting her tongue to keep from shouting the woman down. Even tame and kind Aurora looked furious. The students themselves were muttering, most of them up and leaving right after her little speech, apparently having lost their appetites. Severus didn�t blame them�Being near that woman was enough to make anyone sick, let along having to listen to her ridiculous babble.
Even the staff began departing soon after and Severus stood as Aurora and Sibyl left, putting their heads together and whispering furiously like teenage girls when they were far enough away from the table. Severus rolled his eyes and followed several feet behind. �Oh, a moment, Severus!� the toad called out sweetly. Cursing under his breath, Severus turned and marched back up to stand beside the woman. �I am sure you have heard about yesterday�s events?�
�Of course,� Severus said. Everyone had.
�Good, good,� she said. �Well, as you can be sure, I find it very disturbing that so many students were�sneaking about. I was wondering if you had any Veritaserum in stock that I could use?�
�I might,� Severus said stiffly. �I will let you know when I have time to look.�
�Splendid,� Umbridge said with a smile and Severus took himself to be dismissed, turning on his heel and walking away a bit more quickly. That cow wanted to use Veritaserum on the students? Severus could only imagine what sort of trouble that could produce. He was doubtful, though, that Umbridge was much of a potion maker. Perhaps Severus could whip something up and call it Veritaserum. He doubted anyone with as few brain cells as her could know the difference between Veritaserum and water. If only he could discuss the matter with Albus, but every means of communication was being heavily monitored and the only way Severus could think of that would work was through the phoenix Albus had in his possession, so unless Albus tried contacting him and needed a response, Severus would have to act on his own instincts.
Severus swept down towards the dungeons, thinking to fill a few vials with warm water to set aside for Dolores Umbridge and set up for his first class. He was almost irritated when he saw Potter standing with his back to him, wondering if the boy was coming to spy on him or pester him. Even knowing he would have to contact Potter soon to set their meetings up again, it did not bode well with him that Potter would come seek him out first. As he drew nearer, though, he discovered that Potter was standing there, talking with Draco. Severus paused and stood against the wall in the shadows, listening carefully to them.
�I really had no idea about any of it!� Draco swore vehemently.
�I know, I know. Marietta Edgecombe has SNEAK written on her face for good reason,� Potter said. �Everyone wants to blame you somehow, though� Harry said, sounding annoyed.
Severus raised an eyebrow. Surely Potter could not mean that Draco had been involved in yesterday�s fiasco? Surely he wasn�t idiot enough to join that little club going against Umbridge?
Draco laughed humorlessly. �Yes, well, they all have good reason not to like me.�
�Well, they should at least trust me,� Potter muttered.
�It�s fine. Don�t worry so much,� Draco said.
�S�hard not to. It bothers me. Even Ron and Hermione don�t seem to trust my judgment at all.�
�Can�t blame them too much, either, can you? I was worse to them than anyone else,� Draco offered.
�Well they should at least know I�m not a complete moron,� Potter grumbled.
Severus snorted and bit back all tempting, sarcastic comments.
�Really? I--� Draco began, but ended up clearing his throat, probably due to some look Potter had given him. Draco just laughed. �Oh c�mon.�
�You should never insinuate that your friends are morons�Just because you spent the past several years being followed around by Crabbe and Goyle is not a good enough excuse,� Potter teased.
There was a short silence. �So�We�re friends, then?� Draco asked, trying to sound strong, but there was a bit of uncertainty in his voice that made Severus cringe. The boy was going to have to work on his acting skills a bit more.
�Erm�I dunno. I thought so,� Potter said nervously.
�Ahh. Well then�I could do worse, I suppose,� Draco said.
Potter snorted. �You have done worse.�
�Crabbe and Goyle may be ugly and stupid, but they are very loyal and practically worshipped me, you know.�
�Yes, the very last thing you need is people giving you a bigger head,� Potter joked. �So, did you find out much?�
�Hmm. No, just that Marietta went to Umbridge about it all and sent a bunch of Slytherins after you�er�us. I guess. Anyway, she also wants to set up this Inquisitorial Squad thing. She wants me to join so�Well, I figured I could be a spy, maybe?� Draco asked hesitantly. Severus had never heard Draco sound more unsure of himself than now.
�That�d be great, actually,� Potter said, sounding surprised and pleased.
�Good,� came Draco�s relieved reply. �Don�t want anyone thinking I�m spying on you��
�I�m sure everyone will,� Potter said. �But I don�t care. They can all get over it.�
�Yeah�Don�t care much about them, though,� Draco said.
�Oooh so you care about me?�
�Shut up.�
�Must be why you kissed me then, eh?�
�Shut it, Potter!�
�I think you secretly liked it.�
�I will hex you!�
�Better than snogging Millicent, I imagine.�
�Hu--Well, yeah. But that�s not a hard one to beat.�
�I can�t believe you snogged her.�
�I was drunk!�
�Excuses.�
�A very good one, I might add.�
�Even drunkenness is not a good enough excuse for that.�
�Aren�t you Gryffindors supposed to be nice?�
�Aren�t you Slytherins supposed to be straight?�
�I AM straight!�
�If you say so.�
�Ugh�Potter�You are making me regret being your friend.�
�But if we�re not friends anymore, how am I supposed to hit on you?�
�Hmm�I do enjoy being hit on. Even if it is a bloke.�
�See? That at least makes you bisexual.�
�It does not!�
Severus bit back a chuckle, listening to the boys carry on. He was a bit surprised Draco was being friendly with Potter out in the open, but he didn�t think on it too much. He couldn�t help but feel a bit proud of them both for getting along this well. It was a good sign and Draco certainly seemed to be doing a bit better these days.
Deciding he had work to do and could not sit around eavesdropping on teenagers, Severus swept forward and headed to his office. �Oh, good morning, Professor!� Draco said, hastily moving away from Potter a bit. Potter rolled his eyes and turned those brilliant green orbs onto him, seeming a bit more tense and guarded than usual. �Can I speak with you, Professor?�
No. Absolutely not. I refuse. I do not care what orders I have been given, I refuse! �Of course. Come in, Potter, but this cannot take long. I have more important matters to attend to,� he said, walking into his office and sitting behind his desk, that trapped feeling coming upon him again as Potter shut the door. It was the first time they had been alone together in weeks.
�Profesor, I�m sorry about kissing you. It was wrong and inappropriate and I was just being dumb,� Potter said, this little speech of his obviously rehearsed. �I�m not going to go out and find some random person to date nor will whatever feelings I have just go away�But it was wrong of me to let those feelings get in the way of my lessons. I know that they�re very important and I�m very serious about continuing them. I promise I will work harder than ever if you give me another chance.�
Severus studied Potter for a moment. The boy stood tall, looking more serious and determined than Severus could remember. His arms were folded over his chest, standing nearer the door than Severus. Severus might actually believe him�At least believe that Potter was serious about this now. �Yes, the headmaster�Or rather, Dumbledore, wishes me to continue your lessons in his absence. I have no qualms about defying orders, however, should you wish to act up,� Severus warned. That wasn�t necessarily true, but the more he made sure Potter kept his distance, the better.
Potter looked mildly surprised and slowly nodded his head. �Thank you, sir.�
�Good. I expect you here around your usual time, Potter,� Severus said, watching as the boy turned and walked out without another word or another glance. As the door closed behind him, Severus encountered a very strange, empty feeling deep within him. There was something very sad and defeated about Potter that was worrisome, despite his strong determination to get on with the lessons. Severus didn�t dare let him think about it too much.

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Author�s Note: Two in one day, just for you my lovely readers! Now I know it�s not my best or more interesting, but I feel that this chapter and the last were very important in establishing for the return of Harry�s lessons and decided that to be nice, I�d get them both done today so I can get the rest of this plot doing ASAP. I really think everyone will enjoy the next chapter, which contains the promised Snarry moment!
Thank you to everyone who�s reviewed so far! I love you lots! I hope you�ll continue to read and review and that you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it.
Chapter title lyrics from �I Will Not Bow� by Breaking Benjamin.
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Lost and Damned