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The Wages of Going On	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 43959 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I am making no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 23
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Chapter Twenty-Four--A Sort of Decision
            "Malfoy! I want to see that book--"
            Harry halted. The gates of Malfoy Manor had opened in front of him, but he hadn't thought much of that, or the silent house-elf who opened the door. He had run through the corridors to the library with his mind only focused on what Malfoy had said and how it couldn't be true, how he would make it not be true.
            Now that he was in the library, however, he could see only the book in front of him, a relatively large one, with a piece of parchment pinned to the cover with what looked like a Sticking Charm. Harry cautiously drew his wand as he approached.
            Potter, the note said, when Harry got close enough to read it,
            Here is the book that contains the information about combining our magic. Turn to page 494. Underneath it is another book that contains the only information I could find in the library specifically about bond-breaking rituals that are based on Veela ones. It may be better to choose a different course when we do break the bond. The Veela one is limited.
            Harry slowly cast a few spells on the books and the note, looking for curses, while listening as hard as he could. Nothing. Malfoy Manor might have been one of those houses in Muggle fairy tales that had been asleep for a hundred years, waiting for a prince to come and wake up a sleeping princess.
            Harry thought that was strange. Had Malfoy and Snape decided that they couldn't deal with their guilt if they saw him?
            Then Harry sneered and sat down at the table with the books. Idiot. Of course, they don't have any guilt to feel. They'd just whinge if they saw you about how they did what they had to do to survive, and they don't deserve any punishment for that.
            His snarl still bubbling on his lips, Harry began to read.
*
            "I don't see how this particular ritual will work," Severus murmured, and laid the book aside.
            Sitting across from him, at a table in one of the minor dining rooms, Draco grunted tiredly and laid the book he was investigating down. "No," he muttered, rubbing his eyes. "I thought Potter grabbed the idea of modifying a Veela bonding ritual at random, and we could do better than that. Especially since my ancestors didn't think books on that topic even worth collecting. But maybe that was a better idea than I knew. There's nothing here that's what we want." Draco shoved away the book he'd been considering with some violence, and turned to the next one in the pile.
            Severus hesitated, then reached out through the telepathic portion of the bond. Are you well, Draco? You seem too tired to continue.
            Draco brought his head up, and Severus received the most hostile glare from him that he'd encountered since the end of the war. "I'm fine. And we shouldn't speak silently, anyway. That's strengthening the bond in a way you despise."
            Severus bowed stiffly from his seat. "As you wish." He turned back to the book he was studying. From the corner of his eye, he saw Draco pick up another tome and begin to flick through it.
            Severus growled under his breath. This was more frustrating than he had counted on, especially because Potter seemed to have stumbled across an idea right away. With two Slytherin minds working in concert, they ought to have been able to better that record.
            But they had discovered nothing useful in the books so far, even the ones that were about unwanted bonds and ways to break them off. All the rituals described either involved only two people, the most common barrier, or they reasoned that the people who wanted to break bonds had unlimited time and cooperation at their disposal. Because who, asked one book Severus had read in as pointed a tone as if the writer could see them now, would refuse to cooperate with their bondmates if it meant getting rid of unwanted intrusions into their mind and heart? Just a little cooperation would see them free.
            Severus sneered and batted at the pages in front of him. The writer of this book had never met a Potter. Imagining that meeting, and the writer's corresponding bafflement, soothed Severus's temper a little, but not much.
            "Severus?"
            Severus glanced up at Draco. He was looking at Severus across the top of his own book, his body so still that Severus understood the implied question. He grimaced and looked back at the tome he had been investigating with so little success so far. "I am fine," he said. "Only impatient with the slow pace of the research."
            Draco studied him in silence for a little while longer, then nodded and returned to his reading.
            Severus half-closed his eyes. He could remember the time when Draco would never have asked if he was all right, unless it was in the sort of hysterical tone that resulted from Severus getting injured or tortured by the Dark Lord. Draco had known that Severus could handle himself around the other Death Eaters.
            Did he miss those days? Not the torture or the injury itself, of course, but being the protector, being the one who was in control, the stronger one, going unquestioned? If so, that might account for some of the way he felt right now, but not all of it. He had never played that particular protector role for Potter.
            But arguably, he had failed to protect Potter by getting in the middle of that ritual anyway.
            Severus glared at his book with a renewed ferocity. If that was still true, then he should at least be the one to figure out a situation that would let them have a safe breaking of the bond, without a need for reckless Veela rituals.
            Ten more minutes of reading, though, did nothing to convince him that he would find it this way. Draco knew the contents of the Malfoy library far better than he did, and Draco said these were the only books on rituals. But the books repeated over and over again how necessary trust and cooperation were for the breaking of the bond, and Severus knew that they would get neither from Potter.
            So don't go the ritual route, then. Do something else. Find some other way.
            Severus bit his own lip savagely. He didn't want to do that, to start thinking that he should be more brilliant than he had been so far, and that would net a miraculous situation. What other solution could he offer? A ritual was the only one that would work for them, since a ritual had been the means of establishing the bond in the first place, and...
            No. Wait.
            Severus's head came up like a hunting dog. He was aware of Draco staring across the table at him, and of the pool of emotion in his head, the one that reflected Draco's feelings, boiling. He paid no attention to them for the time being. He was caught up in his own speculations, his own ideas about things that he had entirely ignored the first time he was considering them.
            The ritual hadn't established the bond. The ritual circle had been broken when the Lestranges rolled Potter across the copper ring. It had been Potter's bargain with his virginity that had established the bond, the way it was. It would still have tried to unite them if Potter hadn't offered that sacrifice, but it would have failed, and resulted in death. No wonder a normal ritual was not going to work for them. It was not a normal ritual that had united them.
            "Severus?" Draco leaned across the table further and snapped his fingers under Severus's nose, which just made Severus snarl and bat his hand away in turn. "Are you all right? This time, I am going to ask aloud."
            Severus grasped Draco's hand and lowered it to the tabletop. "The bond that unites us is like others, but the ritual that produced it was unique, because of the changes to it that Potter's presence and his sacrifice instituted," he breathed into Draco's concerned face. "It is no wonder that we cannot find a ritual that will dissolve it. We will have to create our own. Or perhaps we can counter with something that is not a ritual at all."
            "That's what we've been saying all along, though," Draco said warily, rubbing his hand. "We would have to modify a bond-breaking ritual from the Veela originals, or whatever other originals we find, because most of them don't include three people--"
            "But we will not find one that will properly respond to us," Severus interrupted, "unless you have found one that I have not, which says that someone can fundamentally distrust his partners in the bond and yet work with them."
            Draco's silence indicated that he had not, and so did the utter stillness of the pool of his emotions in Severus's head. Severus nodded regally and stood. "Then I suggest we try a different route. We cannot find a ritual that will work the way we need it to, but we can brew a potion that will do exactly as I ask of it."
            "You think he would trust you enough to swallow a potion?" Draco blinked at him like a kitten with its eyes just open.
            "Yes," Severus said. "More than he would for a ritual, where trust is one of the preconditions. Just as it would be if we were to combine magic. You know that he will not trust us enough for that either," he added, when Draco opened his mouth. "Why else did you retreat to this room and close the library off for him, with that book?"
            "Well, so that he could look at the book in private without talking to us," Draco admitted, rubbing his ear, as if he imagined it hurting from the force of Potter's shouts. "But I still don't think that he'd drink a potion that had been developed without his presence."
            Severus snorted. "Would he want to talk to us about it?"
            Draco hesitated. "Well. No."
            Severus nodded back. "Exactly. So we develop it, and then we can drink it. At the very least, it should sever one-third of the bond, the one that holds us together. Potter is in control of the telepathic portion of the rest. Without him, I cannot summon the roads." It irritated, a little, to be asked to give up control of his new power, the only thing he could control in the bond, so soon after he had found it, but it would irritate him more to stay in this bond with Potter that would never change and never grow more stable. "But he can close his mind off, and that way, he cannot hear us. Nor shall we hear each other."
            Draco looked in the direction of the library, his eyes lingering there for a moment. Severus waited. He was confident that Draco would agree. He knew Severus's strengths as a Potions master, and unlike the endless research that had so far only offered them closed paths, this was something they could immediately begin testing. If their first attempt did not work, they would at least know why. That was more than they could say about the rituals they had looked up so far, which either might work if they could achieve a lot of impossible things first, or would be dangerous until they were tried. The modifications that Severus had sketched out for the few rituals that seemed possible did not leave him sanguine.
            "Yes, all right," said Draco finally. "But we should at least inform Potter of what we're doing. He might want to know."
            "He will only snap at you for disturbing his peace," Severus warned.
            Draco spread his hands. "Better me than you."
            "I did not mean to make you into my sacrifice."
            For a second, Draco smiled. From the way his pool of emotions stirred in the back of Severus's head, that was what he had most wanted, some kind of acknowledgment of the contributions he had made to the effort to stabilize the bond. "You aren't. I want this bond gone, if not as intensely as you do. And you would make him more upset if you approached him, and then he would make you upset enough not to brew the potion correctly."
            Severus nodded and sat back, tracing, only idly, the process by which Draco reached out along the bond. He could feel Potter's response, the fangs and claws in it, and shook his head. The important thing had been strengthening the bond to fight the return of the Dark Lord, then strengthening it to make sure they had revenge, then weakening or snapping it.
            He hoped this was the last incarnation of their most important decision. Of course, with the bond gone, he doubted that Potter would be able to change his mind anymore anyway.
*
            What the fuck is this, Malfoy?
            Harry flung the words down the bond like a javelin. He had lost track of how long he was sitting in the library, staring at that stupid book open to the stupid page that said that stupid thing about what would happen if they tried to combine their magic with less than complete trust between them. Malfoy's interruption was equally stupid, but welcome. It woke Harry up and made him have to pay attention to what was going on around him again.
            What it sounds like. Malfoy's voice was stolid, as though he had turned himself into a stone post that just deflected Harry's javelin. The book has informed us that it's useless trying to strengthen the bond the way we are, so we'll have to break it. I left that book there so you could read for yourself and see why it so convinced Severus and me.
            Harry answered with another blast of wordless rage. Malfoy rode it this time, and pushed contempt back at him. The cool kind of contempt, the kind that Harry had never succeeded in ignoring, because it implied that the person feeling it was just better than him, and that had never been true. It especially wasn't true now, when both of the people feeling it were rapists.
            What can I even say in response to that, when you've made it clear that you don't want apologies or sympathy from me?
            Harry snarled in response, and pushed more emotion down the bond. He knew that that was only strengthening the telepathic part, in a way, but what did that matter when the rest of the bond was never going to become strong enough to bind them together forever? He knew that he could never trust Malfoy to take hold of his magic and pool it with Snape's. In some ways, Malfoy was worse than Snape. Snape had snapped and been sulky and broody about the rape. Malfoy kept trying to pretend that everything was all right.
            Do I have to show what I already showed you, what I felt about it, to convince you that I'm not all right? I do feel guilt. The thing is, my guilt doesn't make any difference to you. You've even said, several times, that it was an insult. The difference between me and you is that I can decide that I have to do something else than brood. You collapse back into it even when you say that you won't.
            Harry responded with a wave of rejection this time, which should have been cold enough to freeze Malfoy in his tracks. But Malfoy leaped deftly over the freezing fog, and came down still pushing words at him.
            I thought you'd settled your emotions in the garden, and accepted that we have to work together. Then I discovered that you haven't, and that a conversation with your friends seems to have made you worse, so that you just don't want to work with us at all. Fine. Then that means we need a way to break the bond. And the sooner you stop thrashing around and screaming at the heavens and deciding that we're lying, the sooner we can actually break the bond.
            Harry was so insulted that he didn't know how to respond for a few minutes. Then he said, You can't--you can't describe me that way.
            When have you held to a consistent decision in the last week, except that you hate us? Every time that it seemed as if we could work together, that was only another thin layer on top of a deeper hatred. You hate me for telling you the truth. You hate me for what you call lying, which turns out to be the truth. You hate me for leaving you alone to read the book. You hate me for contacting you and trying to figure out a way to break this bond.
            Harry, lost in his emotions, could only whisper, I hate you.
            I know, said Malfoy. But that's not going to help us. Severus thinks that a potion and not a ritual might break the bond. Should we do that? I mean, we can drink the potion without you, and that would end the portion of the bond that connects Severus and me. But unless you drink it, too, then the other parts of the bond will probably still exist.
            Harry laughed hysterically. He could feel the pages of the book and the table he gripped slipping under his palms, they were so sweaty. He lifted one hand and beat it on top of the book, shaking his head. How can you ask me that? You think I would drink anything that Snape comes up with?
            Yeah, that's what I thought, said Malfoy. Or what Severus thought. But I thought I would give you the choice. You haven't had enough people offer you choices in the last little while.
            Harry tried to respond to that, but once again, he could only send emotion, and Malfoy had retreated. He added one more remark over his shoulder, like someone walking out of a room and shutting the door behind him. The house-elves have orders to escort you out of the Manor when you want to leave. You won't have to see us. Just shut the door behind you.
            That instruction made Harry pick up the book he'd been reading. He wanted to set it on fire and throw it somewhere. He wanted to set the whole of Malfoy's library on fire and then chase the flames up the stairs, until they reached whatever room Malfoy and Snape were hiding in and burned them to death.
            But the bond would pull him into death if he did that. They were still connected.
            Harry lowered the book, and then lowered his head into his hands. He stayed like that, breathing.
            It was weird. Speaking with Ron and Hermione, the way he'd got to do, was supposed to make him feel better. But all he could think about it after he had done it was that these were the people he wanted supporting him, the two people he would have wanted to be bonded to if there was any choice, if he had to be bonded to anyone, and not the two arses who were sitting in the garden and pretending to talk politely to Molly and Arthur.
            Harry squeezed his eyes until it felt as if the tears would fall out or burn out on their own, and then lifted his head again. He could stare at the far side of the library, and there was no one else in the room to intrude on him. The bond in his head was distant and muted, and he knew ways to make it even more so. He was in control of the bond, after all.
            But...
            He couldn't shut it out forever. If his concentration weakened, he started feeling the chatter from Snape and Malfoy's side of the bond again. He thought he would probably feel it if one of them was hurt. And if their potion went wrong, then he would probably feel that, too, and it might even damage him, the way that they had felt it when the bond was trying to pull his ribs out of his chest.
            He didn't want this. He didn't like this.
            But maybe he didn't have to.
            Harry poked warily around the edges of the bond. Nothing responded. Snape seemed to have decided to ignore him, and Harry knew well enough how thoroughly Snape could ignore what he didn't like. Malfoy had decided that his precious apologies weren't good enough for Harry, and that he didn't want to spend time speaking to Harry unless those apologies got accepted, it seemed. So he wouldn't come back, either.
            Maybe, if things stayed like this, Harry could live with it long enough to end the bond. Because that was what he wanted more than anything else. Maybe he had to face Voldemort returning and the consequences of killing Aurors and the Lestranges, but he didn't want to face it bound like this.
            To do that, though, he had to work with the hatred. Use it as a weapon, a lever to drive himself to do what he needed to do and then walk away, instead of holding his distance.
            He could endure the presence of Snape and Malfoy for a while longer, long enough to be rid of them, surely? He could do what he needed to do if it meant that he would be able to part from them forever later?
            Harry swallowed and reached out along the bond to Malfoy, who responded with complete neutrality, like blank ice.
            Tell me where Snape's lab is, Harry said, and tried his best to reflect back the same neutrality. I want to help with the potion.
*
            Clau: Yes, Harry decided that if he couldn't trust Snape and Malfoy the way he could his friends, he basically couldn't trust them at all. But now he's seen more clearly that there's no way out other than trusting enough to help with and swallow a potion, at least. He's decided that's preferable to trying to live with the bond the way it is.
            I think that this being a different kind of trust will help. It's not something he thought of on his own and brooded over and decided to do on his own. It's something Harry would never have tried, because he doesn't have the Potions skills.
            Ciara_D: Yes, in a way they were. Severus is less ready to face up to it than Draco is, though.
            ChelseaPlume: At the very least, the bond is going to be broken, if a potion can break it.
            writeaddict: Afraid that later chapters will disappoint you a bit with regard to Harry's progress, but I hope that the end of the story will make it all worth it.
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The Wages of Going On