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The Years After	By : Araea Swiftwind Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2598 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I make any money off the writing of this piece of fiction. The views expressed herein do not in any way reflect the views of J.K. Rowling or Warner Bros. and their affiliates.

Chapter List
- 23
- 24
- 25
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Part 24 – Epilogue Part 2 – June 26, 1993

The train ride was nearly interminable for Draco. All he wanted to do was wrap his Harry in his arms and squeeze him so tight, the other boy would never forget the feeling. The days after Dumbledore’s death were strange for Draco. He still didn’t quite know how to feel about the whole thing, the man’s death and his part in it. Because of that, Draco did his best not to think on it at all. However, the death of such a prominent figure was the talk of the school. No one really wanted to focus on exams, lessons, or anything else. It annoyed Draco to no end. Sure, the man was popular thanks to his lying, scheming ways, but still, he was just a man and exams are very important to a young wizard’s future.

It was quite fortunate that no one at the school, save Severus, knew of Draco’s involvement in the whole mess. The questions he’d be asked would probably drive him ‘round the bend and then some. It was largely thanks to this ignorance that Draco was able to ignore his part in Dumbledore’s death and focus on his school work. The attention was well worth the effort is Draco’s exam scores were anything to judge by.

And now all that was over. The train was minutes from pulling into the station and for once, Harry could be there to greet him. He wouldn’t have to wait until he got home to see his wonderful boy. The only downside was that Draco and Harry’s parents would also be there, so Draco couldn’t give Harry the “Hello” he really wanted to. That would have to wait until they got home.

There, on the platform, was Draco’s whole family. Lucius and Narcissa were standing stoically a little way away from most other people. James and Lily Potter were standing near them, small smiles of welcome on their faces. And in front of them was the one person above all that Draco wanted to see. Harry.

Even though inside, Draco wanted to do nothing more than run off the train, pick Harry up, and give the boy a large kiss on the lips, Draco was raised a proper pureblood Malfoy and could not possibly embarrass himself and his family in such a matter. Therefore, he slowly gathered his belongings and made his way onto the platform.

Once in front of his family, his father shrunk his trunk so that no one would have to lug the large thing around on their way home. Narcissa gave her son a small, controlled smile and briefly brushed the side of his face with cool fingers. James and Lily said a soft welcome to him, but made no move to touch him in any way. Harry, however, was a different story. He was fairly vibrating where he stood, and Draco could see the effort it was taking him not to instantly jump the blond. It didn’t last long, though. As soon as Draco focused on the boy, he let loose his control and wrapped Draco in a tight hug. Draco gave the boy a small, private smile and hugged him quickly in return. Since he still didn’t want to make a scene, he swiftly disengaged Harry from his person, but still kept the boy at his side.

The four adults shared a knowing smile, but made no mention of the boys’ activities. As far as they were concerned, their relationship was chaste and adorable, and nothing at all to worry about. After all, the boys were barely teenagers. If they only knew the depths of their affection for each other, they might not be so indulgent of their behavior.

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

Sirius and Remus didn’t bother going to Kings’ Cross to welcome Draco home. Sirius didn’t care to, even if they were family, and Remus wanted to get his conversation with Sirius out of the way as soon as possible. He still wasn’t quite sure what he was going to say to his long-time lover, but he knew they had to hash some things out.

They took separate showers that morning, got dressed, and convened in the ground floor parlor to talk. Remus didn’t want to have this out in too intimate a setting, in case things went pear-shaped. Sirius could tell something was bothering his wolf, but couldn’t tell what it was. Or perhaps he didn’t want to think on what it could be in case he started panicking before the conversation had even begun. Either way, Sirius knew that this was not going to be a happy conversation.

Remus took a chair in front of the fire place, an empty one directly across from him. He needed to be able to see Sirius, but not really be within touching distance. He had a feeling that no matter what he said during this conversation, Sirius was going to get very emotional. If the man started clinging to him, groping at him, then Remus wasn’t sure he’d be able to get through it. He’d probably wind up making an emotional, impulsive decision just to make Sirius happy, not himself.

And that was really what this was all about. Remus wanted to be happy. He hadn’t actually realized he wasn’t until he was lying in bed with Sirius and thinking about the decision he had to make. He knew he loved Sirius, but he was starting to think he held some seriously strong feelings for Severus as well. The crush had always been there, but in the last several months, something more had begun to blossom.

It was this something more that had Remus realizing that he had to talk to Sirius. His feelings for the canine animagus were genuine, and strong, but they were a little too complacent for Remus’ liking. It almost felt as if he had settled for Sirius and grew to love him instead of choosing Sirius because he was “the one.” Severus felt like “the one,” and the thought frankly scared Remus.

Sirius had taken the seat across from Remus and watched the other man as thoughts buzzed around in his head. Sirius did wonder what the other man was thinking about, but only with a part of his mind. The rest of it was swirling rapidly with thoughts of his own. Did Remus still love him? Was he leaving for Severus? But he swore he’d only leave him if he didn’t stop being so pigheaded and stupid. Was Sirius’ reluctance to go over to Malfoy Manor a sign to Remus that Sirius was still being stupid? Had Sirius screwed up even though he was trying so hard to be tolerant?

It took both men several long moments before they could tear themselves away from their troubling thoughts and focus on the matter at hand. Remus shifted so that he was sitting up straighter, and Sirius leaned forward slightly so he didn’t miss a word of what Remus was going to say.

“I don’t really know how to start this conversation. There is a lot I think needs to be said, and a lot that needs to be heard, but for once, I really don’t know how to get there.”

“Since I don’t exactly know what you want to say, I can’t really help you start. Whatever it is, you’ve either got to say it, or don’t. It depends on how important this thing is to you.”

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve been putting this conversation off for a little while now, but I think it’s high time I manned up and got it done.” Taking a deep breath, Remus continued. “I love you, Sirius. I have for nearly two decades now. You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make my days brighter. I don’t know how I’d have survived the last eleven years without you.”

Sirius shifted in his seat, not really liking where this conversation was going. Either Remus was about to propose to him—highly unlikely—or he was going to break up with him. Sirius almost didn’t want to stay to find out which it was, but he knew that running away would only be putting off the inevitable. And, on the off chance that Remus was about to propose, running off would send the wrong message.

“No matter how much I love you, though, some days, it feels like I’m your parent, not your lover. I’ve been dealing with that for such a long time, I hadn’t ever stopped to think about how that makes me feel. Of course, I’m always annoyed in the moment, but afterwards, I never stop to think about how that dynamic is affecting our relationship.

“I’m getting tired, Sirius. Tired of always having to hold you back when you try to run off halfcocked or start spouting off before you have all the facts. Tired of always having to be the adult in the relationship. Tired of having to bend so often to your interests because you have no desire to interact with mine.”

“So, what do you want then, Remus?” Sirius was afraid to say any more than that. He didn’t want to give Remus a reason to leave. Another reason.

Remus sharply ran a hand through his hair and gave a soft growl under his breath. This was very difficult, and he still wasn’t completely sure where he was going with all this. “I… I really don’t think I fully know, Siri. I guess I want to feel important. I want easy conversations. I want to be taken care of more often, instead of always having to be the one to take care of you. I want a relationship that is more balanced and less chaotic.”

“And you don’t think I can give that to you.” Sirius knew he probably shouldn’t have said anything, but he was hurting. His whole world was crumbling before him and he had no idea how to make it stop. He could try to promise that he’d grow up, but he frankly thought that if he hadn’t by now, he most likely never would to Remus’ satisfaction. He could promise that he’s reign in his anger and try to think before he spoke, but again, if he hadn’t managed by now, it wasn’t looking good for him to be able to learn. No matter what he said now, it felt extremely unlikely that it would be enough for Remus.

“I don’t know, Siri. We’ve been together so long now, and you’ve never really tried. You’ve never even thought about trying. It’s never been an issue to you.”

Sirius cringed at that. It might have been true, but to hear it laid out like that was a blow. “You’re right, Remus. I’ve always been content with who I am and how I interact with the world. I may have wished I were smarter a time or two, so we could have more intelligent conversations, but I never really did anything to try and make it happen. I’ve been complacent, and to be honest, I don’t know how much I can change.”

“You mean you don’t know how much you even want to.”

“…”

“I do love you, Sirius. It’s not a matter of not loving you anymore or thinking this is a horrible match. It’s just… I don’t feel as happy anymore. I don’t feel as fulfilled. And some days… Some days I feel like I might have made the wrong choice.”

Sirius recoiled at the last statement. He’d known that there was more to Remus’ threats to leave than immediately visible on the surface, but he had no idea Remus really regretted choosing him all those years ago.

“Have I really been that disappointing? You wish you’d never picked me? You wish these last 17 years hadn’t happened?”

“It’s not really that, Sirius… It’s more that I wonder what my life could have been like if I made a different choice. How would I have survived; how would I feel? Would I be happy now if I had made that choice instead of the one I did?”

Suddenly, a light clicked on for Sirius. One he’d been trying very hard not to illuminate, not to look at. “You wish you had picked him instead, right? And now that you are around him so much, you want to pick him now.” Sirius laughed humorlessly. “I should have known. Hell, I did know, I just didn’t want to see. Stupid Snivellus, always ruining things for me…”

“You can blame him if you really want, but it’s not his fault. He hasn’t done anything to make me have this conversation with you. In fact, I’m sure he has no idea that I even would have this conversation with you. Severus might care for me, and I might care for him, but he would never even think he had a chance. Not compared to you. So if you blame him, it’ll be because you don’t want to blame me. Even though it’s my fault.”

“No. No, if he hadn’t been around, you wouldn’t have decided that I’m not enough anymore. Maybe he didn’t plan it, maybe it wasn’t his intention, but it’s still his fault. His fault for being smart enough for you, understanding enough, mature enough, restrained enough…dark enough. I never even really had a chance of keeping you…not so long as someone like him was there.”

“Sirius, you are being willfully ignorant. If it’s his fault for being everything I need, then it’s your fault for not. And it’s my fault for needing those things and not being content enough with what you can provide.”

Sirius scoffed and got out of his chair, stalking to the other side of the room to put distance between them. He really thought he’d be in tears right now, but the anger at Snivellus made it possible for him to be stronger than that. He wouldn’t break down in front of Remus. He wouldn’t give the man the gift of his tears and his pain.

“I think you’ve said enough, Remus. You should probably just pack your things and go. To him if you want, or anywhere. I don’t really care. You’ve made up your mind, and there’s no point in me trying to change it.”

“I didn’t really want it to turn out this way. Siri—“

“Don’t. You are such a liar, Remus, and I don’t even think you see it. You lie to yourself more than anyone else, though. Trying to tell yourself things to make you feel better about your choices. Well, I won’t let you this time. You did want things to end this way. You’ve been thinking about his dick for months, the way his mouth would feel on yours, how good he’d be in the sack, how much better a choice he is than me… No, don’t you dare say that you wanted things to work out between us. You knew I could never be what you wanted. I’m never going to be calm when things piss me off. I’m never going to look at a Slytherin and think that they are trustworthy. I’m never going to be okay with the Dark, or the fact that my godson lives with Death Eaters and the Dark Lord himself. Dumbledore might have been fucked up, but I’m never going to think that the Light as a whole is.

“And face it, Remus…you’re a Dark creature. You were never going to be fully comfortable living in the Light with me. This was inevitable, but neither one of us wanted to see it.”

“You’re wrong, Siri. I love you, and maybe I do feel something for Severus right now, and maybe I do think about his as a partner, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still want you. I want you both, but you hate each other so much, that wasn’t a possibility. I wished you got along with each other so we could all be together, so that no one loses out.”

“No, it was never about ‘no one losing out’, Remus. It was about you having your cake and eating it, too. I’m sure that if you thought you could get away with it, you’d be banging him now, then coming home to me and screwing me, too. In fact, I bet you’ve already tasted that forbidden fruit and that was the catalyst for this whole conversation. You’ve tasted him, and now it’s all you can think about. Have you fucked him yet, or was it just snogging and heavy petting? Has he seen your cock, the way you flush when you’re aroused? Has he had his stupid, lying tongue up your ass? Has he heard the way you moan when you come?”

“Sirius, stop. You’re making things up now. I know you’re angry, but—“

“Shut it, Remus, and just get out. I don’t even want to know the answers to my questions. I just want you out of my house, and out of my life.”

“Sir—“

“Out, Remus.”

Remus sighed sadly and left the room. The conversation had gone both much worse and much better than he had anticipated. He had expected Sirius to rail and scream and beg him to stay, making all kinds of promises that he’d never be able to keep. He expected to stay with Sirius because he hated seeing the man distraught. But Sirius wasn’t sad, at least not in that way. He was angry. He had every right to be, but Remus was worried. And angry, bitter Sirius was a dangerous Sirius. There was no telling what he’d do.

Quickly packing, Remus was out of Grimmauld place in less than twenty minutes. He never had owned many things. Once on the stoop, he had a brief moment of hesitation. He wanted to just run to Severus and receive comfort. But on the other hand, he thought that perhaps he should sort himself out before going to the man.

Thinking back on how angry Sirius was made his mind up. Severus—and the whole house, really—needed to be informed of the situation. If Remus just ran off to lick his wounds and didn’t inform anyone, Harry could be hurt with no one knowing it was coming or why.

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

Minerva McGonagall’s owl was waiting at Malfoy Manor when Remus arrived. The other adults of the house were already seated in the sitting room, and Lucius was about to open the letter. Remus was gestured to a chair as the letter was opened.

“Apparently, Minerva has need of our services at Hogwarts next year,” Lucius said after taking a few moments to read over the letter carefully. “I believe she has provided teaching positions for all of us. Well, nearly all of us. Black has been deemed fit for the caretaker position.”

Remus must have made a noise because all the eyes in the room found him. “Oh…well… I don’t know that he will be very receptive to the offer.”

Severus was the one to respond, his keen mind quickly latching on to the undercurrents of Remus’ explanation. “And why is it that Black would be…unreceptive…to a position at Hogwarts where his godson will be next fall?”

The shade of red that blossomed on Remus’ cheeks was one rarely found on a person. “Sirius and I have had a…difference of opinion…and our association has ended.”

James and Lily wore nearly identical shocked expressions. Lily’s, however, held a little more worry and compassion than her husband’s. “What happened?”

Remus looked away and didn’t answer immediately. Voldemort, not usually the one to be concerned with the comfort level of others, decided that he perhaps should intervene. From what he could fathom, the reasons for Remus and Sirius’ breakup were most likely not something that should be shared in mixed company.

“Perhaps that is a conversation best saved for later, when all concerned parties are ensconced elsewhere.”

“Yes, that’s probably for the best,” Lily replied. She definitely didn’t want to embarrass Remus with her questions, and she was sure Remus would probably feel more comfortable discussing the row without Lucius and Narcissa present.

“Thank you. However, there is one thing I must mention immediately. Sirius was quite angry when I vacated his home, and when he is in that state of mind…”

“He’s unpredictable.” James continued. He knew very well how his best friend got when he was angered. And from what he could read between the lines, Remus and Sirius would not be in communication for some time. They may never speak to each other again.

“Black has always had a temper. However, what is so special about this one that you feel the need to warn us?” Severus asked.

“Well, I’m afraid he might blame all of you for the turn in our relationship. As he sees it, everything was fine until the Slytherin Death Eaters got involved. I’m worried that he might attempt to harm all of you, or even try to kidnap Harry in the name of ‘protecting’ him. I really can’t say, though, what he might do. He is definitely still on the Light side, even if he agrees that Dumbledore was a monster.”

“Thank you for bringing this to our attention. With forewarning, we might be better able to protect Harry should anything happen.”

“You surely don’t think Sirius would actually try to take him, do you Remus?” Lily was wringing her hands, nervous about the possibility that something terrible might happen to her little boy.

“I really can’t say for sure, Lils. I want to say that he won’t, but he was so angry, I’m not sure that he’ll be thinking that rationally. You know as well as I do that he’s a hothead at the best of times. Right now, he’s feeling pretty betrayed and angry, and trying really hard not to think about how hurt he is.”

“Maybe we should go have that conversation about what exactly happened so we can better formulate a plan for what to do if he strikes, and determine the likelihood that he’ll strike at all.”

“You’re probably right, James. Lucius, would you mind terribly if I resided here for a while. It’ll take some time to find myself someplace else to stay. I didn’t exactly have time to prepare for this outcome.”

“Certainly. I’ll have Mipsy set something up for you.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s no problem, Remus,” Narcissa replied. She was rather fond of the man, even after she was told of his monthly condition. He had a good solid head on his shoulders and was far more openminded than most Gryffindors. “You are welcome to stay as long as you need, or as long as Harry wants you here. He’s rather fond of you, and one more isn’t really a strain on the resources.”

Remus blushed, but bowed slightly in thanks. He followed James and Lily out of the room, gesturing for Severus to follow when the man made no move to stand. Lucius and Voldemort shared a short look full of knowing at that. The gesture confirmed their suspicions on the likely cause of the falling out between Lupin and Black. If all went the way Remus was probably hoping it would, they would be seeing a lot more of the wolf.

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

James was the first to speak once they were all in his study with the door shut behind them. No one bothered to ward the door, as the relocation was merely a formality and not a necessity. “So, what happened between you and Sirius, Remus?”

Though Sirius was James’ best friend, Remus held a special place in his heart. Remus was loyal, kind, and always ready to lend a helping hand should a friend need him. James vowed that he’d do his best not to take sides in this argument.

Severus, seated across the room from Remus, looked decidedly uncomfortable with his attendance. One part of him would rather be anywhere but in this room, not wanting to know what happened between the mutt and the wolf. The other part of him wanted to be seated next to Remus, holding his hand as the man spun his tale. Both parts were fairly confident that he was the main cause of the two breaking up. If he were right, he didn’t want James or Lily to know that. Their relationship was already quite tenuous.

Remus swallowed hard and began his tale, desperately hoping that there would not be any yelling or hexing involved by the time he was done. He knew Lily would be fine, but he still wasn’t sure about the relationship between Severus and James. They had been more civil since the Potters moved into the manor, but that didn’t necessarily mean that if James found out about Severus’ part in the separation that he wouldn’t go nuts trying to avenge his friend’s honor or something.

“Well, things have been a little odd between Sirius and myself for years now. We really only had each other once you bother were put into a coma. We spent so much time together, almost never apart, that things started growing complacent. I was, more often than not, acting as his father than his lover. I always had to get him out of scrapes, make excuses and apologies for him, and correct his terrible behavior. I’ve basically been doing that for him the entire time we’ve known each other. Since you’ve been awake, I’ve started noticing things like that. Noticing how unhappy I’ve gotten. Noticing how little Sirius notices, or cares.

“When I sat Sirius down to talk with him, I really didn’t go into it expecting us to break up. I wanted Sirius to know what was making me unhappy. I honestly thought that he might be willing to work on some things, might be able to change enough for us to be happy again. Though, a part of me was sort of hoping that I’d be free of him and able to start over. Maybe that part was bigger than I thought it was, or maybe I’ve been lying to myself this whole time and I really did want to break up, I don’t know. All I do know is that I was not the first one to mention breaking up.

“But regardless of that, Sirius now knows how I feel about or relationship and has made his own assumptions about the reasons and no longer wants to listen to reason. He’s got it in his head that the whole reason I decided that we weren’t working anymore is that I’ve secretly been having an affair with Severus and I just now decided that it was time to end my relationship with Sirius before I was caught out.”

The other three in the room looked a little stunned at the explanation, though Severus wasn’t as surprised as the other two. He had a feeling he’d be part of this. He did wonder if Sirius knew any of the truth or if the mutt had merely slung around wild accusations based on the threats Remus had made to get Sirius to apologize for what he did to Harry.

James shook off his shock and asked, “Why would Sirius think that you were leaving him to go have sex with Severus? Or that you already were having sex with him…”

Remus looked a little sheepish, but responded all the same, “Sirius knew that I had feelings for Severus. Because of that knowledge, he decided to jump to the conclusion that I was not at all a man of honor and that I’d cheat on him.”

It almost looked like Severus was going to cough at that, but the dour man thought better of drawing any attention to the statement. As far as he was concerned, James and Lily had no need to know that Remus and he had already engaged in some heavy snogging, and had they not been interrupted by Lucius and the Dark Lord, they most likely would have wound up having hot sex months ago.

“Have you, Remus?”

“Have I what, James?”

“Have you cheated on Sirius with Severus?”

Lily looked torn. One the one hand, she didn’t like the implication that Severus would help a man cheat on his life partner. On the other hand, she knew that Severus had carried a torch for Remus since they were children at Hogwarts. She wouldn’t be all that surprised to find out that the two men had been sneaking around for months, though it was a bit out of character for Remus to do something like that.

Remus was quite offended. He knew as well as Severus that they had come very close to sleeping together months prior, however, he liked to think that he would have stopped them before they got that far. Snogging was one thing, but screwing another bloke was something altogether different.

“I’ve never slept with Severus, James. I knew that so long as I was with Sirius, nothing could happen between Severus and myself. And even still, I love Sirius. It’s just…we’re not compatible. I don’t know that we ever were.”

“How could you say that? You and Sirius have been together for twenty years. How could you have lasted that long if you weren’t meant for each other?”

It was time for Remus to tell his friends the truth he’d only thought to himself. Sirius might have guessed at it, but Remus was going to lay it out. “I never should have chosen Sirius to begin with. All those years ago, he wasn’t the one who had really captured my heart. But, I couldn’t chance going after who I really wanted. I knew that if I did, if I followed my heart, I’d lose my friends. And back then, I couldn’t have survived without you guys. I lived to please you, to fit in. You were my family, my home.

“If I had followed my heart, chosen Severus then like I had wanted to, then it would have been him and me facing everything together. I wasn’t ready then to follow the Dark. I wasn’t ready to leave all of my other loved ones behind. So I chose Sirius, because he was the safe choice, the expected choice. He needed me in a way I didn’t think Severus did. Severus has always been able to take care of himself, but Sirius needed a handler. Someone to keep him from getting into too much trouble. Especially after the Shrieking Shack incident. I knew Sirius couldn’t be allowed to go through life alone, bouncing from partner to partner, never finding peace. And I knew he loved me. I just had to trust that I’d grow to love him just as much. I liked him, I cared for him, but back then, it wasn’t really love. It was duty.”

All three occupants were floored at what Remus had just shared. None of them had known just how deep the fissure between their friends had been. Severus had no idea that he’d ever had a chance to be with Remus, and a very large part of himself was angry and hurt that he never got it. That Sirius and James had taken that away from him. A much smaller part of him was flattered that Remus thought he could take care of himself, especially because it was true. But that part was also sad that he hadn’t had Remus by his side during some of the darkest days with the Dark Lord.

James was torn in his feelings. He was glad that Remus so valued their friendship, glad that Sirius got twenty years with the man he loved, but also sad that Remus had ever felt that he had to choose between love and friendship, and even sadder that he had been right in his assumption. If Remus had told them that he was going out with Severus, that he was going to follow Severus after graduation, none of them would probably have spoken to him again. Perhaps Lily would have sent him a letter every now and again, though it was possible that James wouldn’t have let her. They were all such different people back then. Well, Sirius was pretty much the same.

Lily couldn’t really believe what she had heard. Remus had given up the life he’d wanted for their friendship. He’d spent twenty years with his second choice. He’d been afraid of their reaction to his true love. Lily knew she probably wouldn’t have completely abandoned Remus, but she also knew that any friendship they might have retained would be paltry compared to what it would have been, what it was. And James was so heavy handed that he probably would have forbidden Lily from speaking to Remus again. Whether she would have listened or not wasn’t as clear. She did a lot of what James wanted back then. And she’d been so angry at Severus for his emotional outburst in fifth year.

“I’m so sorry, Remus. I had no idea…”

“That was the point, Lils. You weren’t supposed to. I didn’t want to lose you guys, so I never told. I kept it to myself, I learned to love Sirius in his own right. We built a fairly happy life together over the years. It’s just…not enough anymore, not what I want anymore.”

Severus felt the need to pipe up. “What do you expect of me after my having heard all this?”

Remus gave a small sardonic smile. “I don’t expect anything from you, Severus. I have some hopes, some wishes, some desires, but no expectations.”

He thought about that for a moment, then nodded. “Very well. We can discuss that at a later date. I propose we move on and get to the discussion about Black’s mental state after all of this was dropped on him.”

James and Lily took a moment to regroup, then nodded and leaned forward in their seats. “If I know Sirius, and I believe I do, he’s going to be blaming Severus for 99% of this. So, he’s going to want to strike back, make Severus hurt as much as he’s hurting. It’s pretty much the same as when we were kids. Sirius felt inadequate so he lashed out.”

“What do you think he’ll do, James? I can’t see him actually trying to hurt Remus. And simply causing Severus physical pain doesn’t seem his style. He’s want to do something big. Something lasting.”

“I don’t know anymore. It’s been at least thirteen years since I’ve really had to think about this. I guess, normally, he’d go for something Severus loves and rip that away from him. But I don’t know if he’d know what to take.”

“The only things I really care strongly about are here in the manor. I live to serve the Dark Lord, I have always cared deeply about Remus, Draco is precious to me as my godson, and I have come to care quite a lot about Harry. The most vulnerable things on that list are Harry and Draco. I’m sure Black wouldn’t want to cause any physical harm to Harry, but I’m not sure if he’d be thinking about how his actions could mentally scar the boy. And as Draco is his cousin and a Slytherin, he seems like a likely target.”

“I am not so sure about that, Severus. While we were arguing, we got into about the Dark Side and some other things, and he swore he’d never harm a child. I don’t think he’d hurt Draco because of that. And the only way to use Draco to hurt you would be to physically harm him. And in doing that, he’d be pissing off the Malfoys, the Dark Lord, and Harry himself in addition to you. I don’t know that he’d want to do all that.”

“Yes, that could be, but you have to remember that he’s angry, bitter, and hurting. He might not be thinking through each consequence of his actions. If he’s acting out of passion, he could decide to throw some of his morals out the window to get the desired effect. Like he did when he nearly had me killed.”

“Severus, I don’t think he’d go that far, even if he was totally destroyed by Remus’ leaving. There are just some things he’d never do, even under the imperius curse. Harming an innocent is one of them. Draco might be a Slytherin, but he is still an underage student. I personally feel that it’s much more likely that he’d try to remove Harry from the equation, since he’d know he wouldn’t be able to actually hurt the Dark Lord or Remus.”

“We’re all assuming that Sirius actually knows what Severus cares the most about. He never paid that much attention to Severus, so how would he know. Sirius works more on assumptions and preconceived notions than facts. He may assume that Severus’ job is the most important thing to him, or his reputation as a Potions Master. Or even his freedom from Azkaban. Sirius might try to compile evidence that Severus is a Death Eater in fact instead of a “spy” so that he is thrown in Azkaban. If he’s locked up, he won’t be able to really steal Remus away from him.”

“You’ve good insight, Lils. I often forget that about Sirius. He doesn’t actually think things through, and he’s not often that logical, especially when he’s upset. This is exactly why he’s so unpredictable.”

“We can only prepare so much for an attack we can’t pin down. It seems likely that Black will do something in revenge, but we can’t even know that for sure. For all we know, as soon as Remus left, all of the fight left him and he broke down sobbing like a child. I say we remain vigilant, but not stress about the ‘what ifs’ too much. We don’t want to worry Harry unnecessarily.”

The group had forgotten that part of all of this. Harry’s reaction to knowing that Sirius might attack. That Sirius hated them so much. It’d hurt him if something happened to any of them.

“I agree, Severus. We should let it go for now. Try to keep things as normal for Harry as possible. If something happens, we’ll at least have some warning.”

“I’m glad we’ve got that settled. And that you all aren’t mad at me.”

“Remus, we love you. Just because you and Sirius had a falling out doesn’t mean we care any less. And with everything else we’ve had to except, it’s no great hardship to know how you feel about Severus. Besides, I’ve known how he’s felt about you for years.”

Remus was a little gobsmacked, but quickly got over it. “I love you, too, Lily. Thank you both for always being there for me.”

James clapped his friend on the shoulder as he went to open the door. “Don’t mention it.”

As the quartet left the room, Severus spoke briefly to Remus. “Why don’t you come by my lab later and we can talk. I should be there for the rest of the afternoon. Lessons with Draco and Harry won’t start for a day or two.”

Remus smiled softly and nodded his agreement.
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The Years After