Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Unstoppable	By : Thunderbird Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 14474 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any affiliated characters. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 23
- 24
- 25
A/N: As you can see the writing has been slow-going lately. It's just that time of year as school wraps up and all my little kiddos are getting ready for their finals. And then I have to grade them all. Fun times.
But I'm still plugging away at this story and ASE, don't worry! Here's an installment from Vesper's storyline. Enjoy!
Chapter 24: Sober and Unkissed
(Vesper)

“Harry and Draco are going to get married in January.”
Vesper swallowed her bite of scone and tilted her head. “I heard.”
Blaise waved a hand, a half-smile on his lips. “Of course.”
“Rumor has it we’ll both be in the wedding party.”
“I certainly hope so. I thought I might be Draco’s best man. We’ll see, I suppose.”
“He hasn’t asked you yet?” Vesper was surprised. “I would have assumed he’d do that first thing.”
Blaise took a sip of his cappuccino, staring down at the table.
“I’m sorry,” Vesper immediately said with a sigh. “Me and my big mouth.”
“No, it’s not that,” Blaise said. “I was just… rather hoping as well. But he and I haven’t had a chance to talk much lately.”
“I bet he’s going to ask you soon. When I heard about it from Harry he told me the details were being sorted out, but that I should expect to be involved somehow. I think they just haven’t decided everything yet. Maybe they’re waiting to ask everyone all at once.”
“Perhaps,” said Blaise. “Though we know who Harry’s best man will be.”
“Well, yes,” Vesper agreed with a small roll of her eyes. Ron, obviously. “That’s a given.”
“I’m only saying, I thought I was a given as well.”
“You are.”
He arched a brow at her. “Confident, as usual,” he said, his smile small but warm.
It made something inside her chest glow with pleasure, a sensation she definitely shouldn’t be feeling. She hadn’t been sure how this little coffee date would go (not that it was a date, she told herself over and over. She’d been clear with Blaise that she was seeing someone, and she wanted them to just be friends), but it was all rather relaxed. Perhaps too much so. Perhaps too easy. She found part of her was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“Confident on your behalf, sure,” she replied.
Blaise took another sip of his drink. “So, how’s work going?”
“Really well,” Vesper said. “I really like my partner. He knows a ton, but he’s not condescending about it. I’m learning so much, even though I haven’t gotten to go into the field yet, really. They’re mostly having me do analysis of artifacts and paperwork, but I knew it was going to be like that at first.”
Blaise nodded. “Better to start there, don’t you think? Especially after the Green Adder attack?”
Vesper gave him a look. “Don’t start in on the safety stuff again with me, please.”
Blaise laughed sardonically. “I’m hardly that stupid. I only meant that it doesn’t surprise me that they keep new recruits out of the field, when the work can be quite dangerous. I wasn’t talking about you specifically.”
She watched him a moment, and he stared right back at her, the way he always did when he knew he was being studied.
“Still, you’d prefer I didn’t go into the field at all.”
His eyes widened innocently. “Did I say that?”
“You didn’t have to.”
He tore off a piece of his blueberry muffin and put it in his mouth, chewing while he thought that over. “Seems to me you want me to say it. Why? Because you’d like a reason to tell me off or because you secretly like it?”
Vesper leaned forward, drawn in by the amused glint in his eye. “And why would I secretly like it?”
But the amusement was gone suddenly as she asked the question, and instead his entire face softened. “Because it proves how much I care about you.”
Vesper’s eyes dropped to her plate. “Blaise…”
“I can’t tell you that I care? You know that I do.”
“As one friend to another?” she asked skeptically.
His lips twitched, but his gaze was steady. “No.”
She held his eyes, her heart stuttering in spite of herself. “I didn’t think so.”
“No. I imagine you know exactly how I feel.”
“In which case, we don’t need to discuss it.”
Blaise sat back in his chair. “If you don’t want to,” he said with a shrug. “If you’re not ready, I understand.”
“I thought my letter was very clear.”
“It was.”
“I’m seeing someone.”
“Declan Ross. I know.”
“So…”
“So. I’ll be patient.”
Annoyingly, Vesper found herself almost grinning. “Blaise…”
He smirked. “It’s all right. I know that tone. You don’t have to say it.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Because you care about me.”
She furrowed her brow. “Yes. Of course I do.”
“As one friend to another?”
She stared at him, knowing she couldn’t answer that.
“Didn’t think so,” he said, looking about as pleased as Blaise ever allowed himself to look.
“You’re making this very difficult.”
“That’s not my intention.”
“What is your intention?”
“I thought that was obvious.”
“I mean beyond the obvious,” Vesper pressed. “Why sit here with me and talk about… when you know that I’m…? Why put yourself through all this?”
Blaise leaned forward again, his expression suddenly so intense that Vesper couldn’t catch her breath. “You say that it would be better to not discuss my feelings for you, and then you go and ask me a question like that.”
Vesper looked down at the table again. “You’re right,” she said. She ran a hand across her forehead and through her hair, knowing the truth. Part of her wanted to hear it, all the things Blaise wanted to say. Which really wasn’t fair. Not to Blaise, or Declan, or herself.
“I’m sorry,” Blaise said softly, and she looked at him again. “I honestly wasn’t… when I asked for this meeting, I honestly just wanted to see you. I’m not trying to make things difficult, not on purpose. I’ll stop.”
Vesper closed her eyes. Sometimes Blaise’s goodness made her ache, almost to the point where it was unbearable. “I missed you,” she managed. “I want you to be a part of my life. I meant that. But there are lines we can’t cross.”
“I understand,” he said.
Vesper looked at him some more, and decided it really did seem like he understood. She nodded, then checked her watch. “I have to go to work.”
Blaise sighed. “As do I.”
They both stood, gathering their things from the café table where they’d enjoyed their light breakfast.
“Thank for you for seeing me,” Blaise said.
“I wanted to,” she replied.
Blaise opened his arms and she came willingly, folding into him in that natural way she always could. It was a bit dangerous, this kind of touch, with his heart beating against her neck and his lips just grazing her temple. But she did it anyway.
“So that means I can see you again sometime soon?”
She pulled away. “I’d like that.”
He let out a breath. “Good. I’ll owl you.”
She nodded again and pulled away completely, and with that they parted ways.
She walked to the Ministry, as it was only a few blocks and she wanted some time to exorcise her guilt.
She hadn’t done anything wrong. She knew that. She’d been clear; she’d drawn boundaries, and she’d stuck to them. And there was nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, even if you were seeing someone else.
No, she hadn’t done anything wrong at all. What she had felt, on the other hand…
Giddy, lightheaded, warm all through her insides. She still had feelings for Blaise, that much was clear.
But she knew that going in. She knew it when she started dating Declan. So why was she choosing to feel guilty now? Because she was spending time with Blaise again? Because she knew now that he was still in love with her and aiming for them to get back together? Maybe. Though if she never acted on her feelings, never did anything untoward with Blaise, then what difference did it make?
She arrived at the Ministry’s employee entrance with only a fraction of her guilt truly eased. As she entered the bathroom stall and prepared to flush herself in (never the most pleasant of experiences; she greatly preferred the floo), she mentally prepared herself for work and shed the last remnants of her time with Blaise. She didn’t need that distraction.
But such thoughts returned when she entered the atrium and saw Declan across the way, waiting for her. He had two large paper cups in hand and smiled at her as she approached, offering her one.
“Coffee,” he said. “Dark roast, with a dash of milk.”
She managed a soft smile, but guilt was tightening her throat like a vice. She swallowed.
“That’s sweet of you,” she said finally, knowing she sounded a little choked. Hardly about to mention that she’d already had her morning coffee and who she’d had it with, she took a sip.
They chatted idly as they made their way to the elevators, Vesper watching Declan’s easy grace, the warmth in his eyes as he looked at her, his trusting smile, and realized what was bothering her about the whole Blaise situation.
Declan didn’t know they were spending time together. He deserved to know, if only to reassure him that it wasn’t about her wanting to get back together with her ex or hide something from Declan.
If her spending time with Blaise wasn’t a secret, then it would be stripped of its power, of its potential to make a mess of things. And that was precisely what needed to happen.
But now was not the time. Both of them had plenty to occupy them at their respective departments right now.
But soon, she promised herself, and him, silently. Definitely soon.
***
“How would you like to sit in on an interrogation?”
Vesper cocked an eyebrow and looked up at her partner. “Do you even have to ask?”
He smirked. “Thought so. Come with me.”
“Now? We’re doing it now?” Vesper was aware that her voice sounded eager. She would much rather watch McInerney question someone than do what she had been doing for the past week, which was cataloguing and analyzing artifacts obtained in the department’s most recent raid.
“No time like the present.”
Vesper followed him out of the office towards the elevators. “Who are you interrogating?”
“His name is Edmund Troyer. We just arrested him on possession, but in truth we wanted to bring him in because there is a very good chance he has affiliations with the Fearon smuggling ring. It’s the best lead we’ve had in a while. Hopefully he can give us some good information.”
They got off the elevator on the next floor up, where most of the Auror Corps offices and all the interview rooms were located. Aurors were bustling about the halls, discussing cases or intent on getting somewhere quickly. This was normal, but even so it seemed to Vesper that there was a tension in the buzzing activity that wasn’t there before the Green Adder attack. Everyone was just a bit more on edge.
Vesper hadn’t been privy to the interrogations of the captured Green Adders or what information those interviews had gleaned, but she knew that Robards and the Senior Aurors from the Organized Crime department were working away diligently on the case behind closed doors. It was the talk of the office since the attack, and rumors abounded about what the gang of former Death Eaters might be up to and how the Aurors were going to stop them.
“You’re just an observer today,” McInerney said, pulling her focus back to him. “So let me do the talking. Just sit and watch, and be careful to keep your face as blank as possible.”
“I understand,” Vesper said.
When they entered the interview room Edmund Troyer was sitting there, waiting for them. He looked sickly, pale, with sunken eyes and a light sheen of sweat on his brow. There were heavy lines set around his mouth and on his forehead, like grooves etched into wet clay. He wasn’t that old, perhaps in his thirties, and he might have been handsome, Vesper thought, in some other life, one where stress hadn’t stolen all the vibrancy from his face.
But this was not that life, and he watched them enter with dark, wary eyes. They sat down across from him.
“Mr. Troyer, I’m Auror McInerney. I trust you know why you’re here?”
The man only looked at him. McInerney flipped through some papers.
“You were found in possession of a number of Class A and B illegal artifacts, which all told will give you quite the hefty prison sentence, especially if you made the artifacts yourself with intent to distribute.” The Auror cocked his head. “But I don’t think that’s quite right, do you?”
Troyer’s gaze dropped to the table, and still he said nothing.
“Because we also found a number of raw materials in your possession,” McInerney went on. “Jade, obsidian, acromantula venom, crushed fairy wings, dragon scales… All materials that are most commonly used in the creation of magical artifacts. Now, in the eyes of some, this would make you seem even more guilty, but it makes me wonder. If you were the one making all these artifacts, why would you carry the raw materials around with you?” He watched Troyer carefully a moment while the man shifted in his chair. “You wouldn’t. As far as I’m concerned, you would only be carrying these goods if your intention was to sell them as well, perhaps to the person making these artifacts in the first place? That’s what you are, aren’t you, Edmund? Just a fence. Just a distributor. We can work with that, if you’re willing to cooperate. Distribution carries a far lesser penalty than creation of the artifacts. You know that.”
Troyer snorted. “If you’ve got it all figured out,” he said in a scratchy voice, “then just charge me with the distribution. What do you need me for?”
McInerney smirked. “You know that’s not how this works. You’re not that stupid.” He leaned forward. “From the outside this is an open and shut case. I imagine, once all the evidence is presented, the trial will go very quickly, and you will find yourself chucked into Azkaban without promise of release for a very long time. Do you want that?”
The smuggler reverted to silence again, and Vesper watched, wondering why he wasn’t jumping at the chance to give the Aurors what they wanted.
“You know we’re not out for you, Edmund. We want the inner circle. We want the manufacturers. You know who they are. You give them to me, right now, and I’ll see to it you barely spend any time in Azkaban.”
Troyer fidgeted with his fingers, but his face was resolute. McInerney snuck a glance at Vesper, and she raised her eyebrows in a question. She saw him shrug, almost imperceptibly. He didn’t know what was holding Troyer back either.
“What are you worried about, Edmund? Retaliation? We can protect you.”
Troyer remained perfectly still, his eyes on the table.
“Not retaliation, then,” McInerney said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. “What, then? Why sacrifice yourself for them, when they don’t give a damn about you?” He watched Troyer’s mouth tighten, and Vesper watched both of them, her eyes flitting back and forth between the two wizards, trying to take in everything she could.
“Unless they do,” McInerney said, as if he’d had a revelation. “Or you think they do, at least. “You believe they care about what happens to you, and you care about what happens to them.” Troyer cricked his neck. “Is this some kind of family operation you’re running then?”
There was nothing, only the quiet of the room and the stillness of the three people sitting inside it.
“Not quite,” McInerney mused. “That isn’t quite it, is it? It’s not… family. Friends, then. Old friends. Or perhaps… a lover?”
Troyer’s eyes flitted to McInerney’s a moment before looking quickly away. The Auror grinned.
“Well, there you have it, then.” He turned to Vesper. “Next line of inquiry, we find evidence of who this lover might be,” he said to her. “Shouldn’t be too difficult, given we have full access to Mr. Troyer’s home and place of business.” He stood. “Come on, Kemp, let’s get to work.”
“Wait,” Troyer exclaimed. “You have it all wrong. It was me. I did it. I made those artifacts and tried to sell them. There isn’t anyone else.”
McInerney smirked at him. “Nice try, Mr. Troyer. Too little, too late, though. We have what we came for.” He gathered his papers. “Another Auror will be in shortly to take you back to your holding cell. You should expect to be formally charged within the next twenty-four hours. Have a nice life.”
He made to leave and Vesper followed him, and all the while Troyer called after them, telling them to come back and that he had more to tell them.
“That was incredible,” Vesper gushed as she hurried to keep with her partner. She was still reeling from the fact that they'd barely spent ten minutes in there. “How did you figure it out so quickly? He barely said anything.”
“Exactly,” McInerney replied, leading them down the hall towards the elevators. “That was telling on its own. In those circumstances, where we had him dead to rights and talking could only help him, there were only a select few reasons he would choose to remain silent. He was obviously afraid of what he might slip up and say. The question was, why?”
“And you figured out the rest just by watching his body language?”
“And by asking the right questions, and making some logical leaps, yes.”
Vesper nodded, taking that in. “We didn’t talk a lot about that when we learned how to do interviews in training. It was mostly how to keep them off-balance, trick them into giving themselves away, and how to tell if someone is lying.”
McInerney nodded. “Well, you can only cover so much, and you have to learn how to interview witnesses as well as suspects, and those require different approaches as well. The truth is, you have to approach each interview a bit differently, depending on the person and the circumstances. You have to know how to improvise. The same thing doesn’t work with everyone.”
“Right,” Vesper said, thinking of how exciting it would be when she would get to try it firsthand. “So, now you’re going to find this lover and use him or her to connect you to the rest of the inner circle?”
“Well, we are, if you’re up for it.”
Vesper’s face brightened. “You mean…?”
“How about a little field experience, Auror Kemp? I want to check out Troyer’s home first. I think we’re more likely to find something useful there. You up for coming along?”
Vesper was all out grinning now. “Yes. Absolutely.”
***
Declan clunked his chinese takeout container onto the coffee table and flopped back against Vesper’s living room sofa with a groan.
“I’m absolutely stuffed.”
Vesper grinned. “Lightweight,” she said, taking another bite of chow mein.
He snuck a glance at her container, seeing that it was almost empty.
“That, plus spring rolls, soup, and rice?” he said. “You are truly a bottomless pit. Where does it all go?”
Vesper flexed one of her biceps and then kissed it, making Declan roll his eyes. “I’m all muscle, baby,” she said. “That means I need a lot of fuel.”
“It would appear so.”
“Speaking of which…” She pointed her chopsticks at Declan’s half-full box of General Tso’s. “Are you really not gonna eat that, because I would totally finish that for you.”
Declan looked on the verge of gaping incredulously, but instead he gave her a begrudgingly affectionate smile and handed her the box.
“Thanks. I was almost out.”
“You are something else.”
“Mm. I know,” she replied, popping a piece of chicken in her mouth.
“So are we going to watch something? Or did you want to tell me more about this interrogation?”
Vesper thought about it. “I’ve told you pretty much everything,” she said. She had talked his ear off about it when he’d first arrived with the food and they’d settled into their dinner, but now she felt like moving on. “Let’s watch something. What are you in the mood for?”
“So long as it’s not a romantic comedy, I’ll be fine with it.”
Now it was Vesper’s turn to roll her eyes. “Why are men always dissing movies with romance? Is liking them not manly enough, or something?”
“It has nothing to do with manliness. It’s just that they’re never good.”
“That’s not true.”
“Name one good one. One you think I would actually like.”
“When Harry Met Sally.”
“Nope. Hated it.”
“Pretty Woman.”
“No way.”
“Sleepless in Seattle.”
“Ugh. No. They fall in love before they even meet in that film. It makes no sense.”
Vesper huffed. “This is very disheartening.” Declan, it turned out, was a bit of a snob when it came to movies. But she knew there had to be something about him to make him less than perfect, so in a way discovering this was a relief. But it made it annoying to pick out movies to watch with him.
“I told you. It’s not that I refuse to watch the films, assuming I won’t like them. I know I don’t like them.”
Vesper considered that. “You must have at least liked The Princess Bride.”
He stared at her blankly. “What in Merlin’s name is The Princess Bride?”
She gaped openly. “You’ve never seen it?”
“No. But it sounds awful.”
“You can’t judge it by the title. It’s brilliant.” She jumped up from her seat. “We have to watch it.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“You’ll love it, trust me,” she insisted. “It’s hilarious. And it has fighting and action and Rodents of Unusual Size…”
“What are you on about?”
“You’ll understand when you see it.”
He sighed, seeming to finally accept defeat. “Very well. It’s not like it matters anyway, as I was planning to be snogging you through most of it.”
Vesper grinned. “Maybe. But I’ll bet you’ll be invested enough to want to actually watch. It might surprise you.”
“We’ll see,” he said, giving her a devilish smirk. “I hardly think most things are nearly as interesting as you.”
Vesper turned back to her DVD collection, still seeking out what she was looking for, but also so she didn’t have to answer. When Declan said things like that it made her feel funny, like a throbbing weight was settling in her stomach. She couldn’t tell if she liked the feeling or not.
“Here we are,” she said, finally finding it. She put it in the DVD player and settled herself back on the couch with Declan, who cozied up to her immediately.
Declan actually did stay invested through most of it, or for the most entertaining parts anyway. The less interesting ones had him nuzzling her neck, teasing her thighs with his fingers, and lightly brushing his lips along hers, when the angle was right. Vesper went with it, finding the sensations enjoyable but strange.
She still hadn’t settled completely into the physical aspect of their relationship, she could readily admit to herself. He was incredibly easy to be around, talk to, laugh with. But when it came to kissing, touching, rolling around on the couch pressed up against each other, as she could tell Declan definitely wanted to do, she just couldn’t relax, couldn’t give herself fully to it. She had her suspicions about why this was, and figured she just needed time to get used to the idea.
Which was why, when the movie finally ended and Declan sat there looking at her with hooded, hungry eyes, she found herself pushing back a little and saying, “So, what’s the verdict?”
“Surprisingly enjoyable,” Declan admitted. “You were right.”
“Good,” she said, smiling at him. “At least you have some taste.”
He squeezed her waist, inching closer. “I have very good taste, I’ll have you know.” He kissed her, in that soft, tender way he did when he was trying to coax her into more. His hands were on her thighs now, easing them open so he could nestle his body between them.
Vesper broke the kiss and his lips descended to her neck, giving that skin the same delicate treatment he’d given her lips. She shuddered, feeling slightly ticklish.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to mention,” she said.
“Oh?” he asked against her collarbone.
“It’s not… a big deal really.” She pushed against his shoulders so he would look up at her, and he finally did. “But I do think it’s important that I mention it.”
He looked confused now, his eyes trained on hers.
She licked her lips nervously. “I’ve been hanging out with Blaise recently, more than I used to. We’re taking a stab at being friends.”
He blinked, absorbing that. “All right.”
“Like I said, not a big deal, strictly platonic. But it felt weird, not telling you about it. I didn’t want it to seem like some big secret.”
“Fair enough.” He appeared to be chewing over his next thought. “Were you worried I would be jealous or something?”
“No. I mean, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you felt a little jealous; you are human, after all. But I want it to be clear that you have no reason to be.”
“All right…”
“You can trust me. I would never do anything with him, not while I’m seeing you.”
He arched a brow. “But you would if you weren’t seeing me?”
Vesper huffed. “No. That’s not what I meant. I meant I wouldn’t anyway, but especially because I’m seeing you. I’ve made it very clear to him that I want to be friends, and that nothing more than that is going to happen.”
He pulled back, his brow furrowing a little. “You made it clear to him…”
“Yes,” Vesper insisted, wondering what about that he wasn’t getting.
“So he does want more?”
Vesper opened her mouth to answer but stopped herself, realizing she was on the verge of being dishonest. “Well… yes…” she said carefully. “But it’s not… He just brought up the possibility… But when I told him ‘no,’ he understood. He wasn’t pushy or anything.”
“Hm.” Declan pulled away even further. “I see.”
“Does it really make a difference what he wants or doesn’t want? Shouldn’t it only matter what I want?”
Declan ran a finger over his lip, thinking about that. “Perhaps it shouldn’t make a difference. But it does.”
“Why?”
“Because…” He scratched the back of his head, not meeting her eyes. “Because you’re choosing to spend time with him even knowing his intentions. That’s pretty telling.”
Vesper crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t think so. I think there are a lot of ways to interpret it.”
“You do, do you?” Declan’s voice had taken on an unfamiliar, almost snarky edge that Vesper didn’t much like.
“Yes, like that it didn’t matter to me what Blaise wanted one way or another, because all I wanted was to be friends. I decided I wouldn’t let his feelings stop me from that, not when we’re an important part of each other’s lives and have so many of the same friends. I wanted us to be able to get along and be comfortable around each other again. And one could also argue that I’m clearly not worried about being tempted to go back to him, because if I was I would still avoid him.”
The man chuckled sardonically. “’One could argue…’” he quoted. He looked at her. “But would it be the truth?”
She clenched her jaw. “Yes. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to rekindle something with him and I didn’t take any of them, so-“
“Plenty of opportunities? What kind of opportunities?”
She stared at him. “This is feeling a lot like an interrogation itself, you know. And I don’t think I deserve that.”
“And yet you’re not answering my question.”
“Because it’s not any of your business. It happened before you and I started dating.”
“What happened?”
She stared some more.
“Did you two sleep together after you broke up? Is that what you mean by ‘opportunities’?”
Vesper’s hands were shaking. “You don’t have the right to ask me that.”
“That’s a yes.”
She could feel her anger flaring. “I was hurt and confused, and so was he, and I hardly think you have a right to judge. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I wasn’t judging-“
“You are judging. Right now. It’s clear from your tone and your body language and the look on your face.”
“I see. You sit in on one interrogation and you’re an expert in human behavior now?”
“Hardly,” she growled. “You’re being so obvious any person with half a brain can see you’re pissed off at me. I just can’t figure out what for. Because Blaise and I had a couple of awkward trysts after our breakup that I put a stop to? Or because I’m spending time with him now, even though I told you about it myself and was clear that nothing was going on? Or because Blaise wants to get back together, even though that’s not my fault and I’ve been clear with him and given you no reason not to trust me? Is it any of those, or is it something else? I’d really like to know what justification you think you have for acting like such an asshole towards me right now.”
He didn’t answer immediately, and they sat in silence while he stared at the empty TV screen and considered that.
“Fine. Do you want the truth?” he said finally.
“Yes. Of course I do.”
He looked at her as if he doubted her, but he continued. “You’re holding back from me. You’re not letting this progress the way it needs to. And I can’t help but think-“ He added the last bit more loudly, to talk over Vesper’s protests. “-that Blaise Zabini has something to do with it.”
“He doesn’t.”
“So you keep insisting.”
“And yet you don’t believe me.”
“Then what is your explanation for how slowly this relationship is progressing?”
“I told you it needed to move slowly.”
“Not this slowly.”
“I think you’re exaggerating. I think it’s moving along just fine. We’re together all the time, what with lunch at work and hanging out every weekend, and sometimes during the week. I see you more than I see anyone else in my life. You think that’s me holding back?”
“I’m not talking about time spent together.”
“Then what are you talking about?” She watched his face carefully. “Sex?”
He turned his head away, and she had her answer.
“You are talking about sex.” She felt her heart start to thump painfully. “That’s what this is about? You’re pissed at me because we haven’t had sex yet?”
He turned back, scowling. “Don’t make me out to be the bad guy here. You know it’s not that I want to push you to do something you don’t want to do, but don’t think I haven’t noticed-“
“I’m just not ready yet!” she interrupted him. “Is that so horrible? I’m not saying never, I’m just saying not right now. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.”
“I understand that you’re not ready. But it is interesting that you were perfectly ready to jump into bed with Zabini even though you two were no longer together.”
Her jaw dropped. “It was a completely different situation! We were together for three and a half years before we broke up. I knew him almost as well as I knew myself. It’s not the same thing at all. And I’ll have you know that it was months into our relationship before we decided to start having sex. A hell of a lot longer than you and I have been together.”
“But you did other things, right?”
“What?”
“You did other things. Snogged, fooled around, explored each other.”
“I mean… a little. Snogged, sure, but the rest…” Blaise had been pretty innocent and inexperienced back then. By the time Vesper was suggesting they have sex, they were ready, but there actually hadn’t been that much working their way up to it. Blaise had been too cautious to do anything like that. “The rest, not really.”
“Are you serious?”
“Why would I lie? You should be grateful I’m answering you at all, considering what Blaise and I did or didn’t do together is in the past and isn’t any of your business.”
“I’m trying to make a point.”
“Then by all means, please make it,” Vesper said drily.
“My point is that sex… intimacy, doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I’m not saying we have to go from chaste to sleeping together in a week, or even a month. I’m not even saying we have to do anything specific, really. But there is…” He chewed on his lip. “There is usually a natural progression of things. Where we cozy up on the couch and snog and let ourselves get worked up, and tease each other… even if we have to go our separate ways and relieve the tension, even if we’re not ready to take that step, and at least…” He sighed. “I’m not saying we have to have sex. I’m not even saying you have to give me a timeline for when you might be ready. But it would be nice to know you even want to, not just with your words, but with… the way you are with me. That’s what I meant by you’re holding back.”
Vesper stared at him, trying to work through that. A large part of her wanted to be mad at him, wanted to accuse him of being the stereotypical sex-obsessed male.
But he wasn’t being that, not really. Vesper knew exactly what he was trying to say, even though he wasn’t doing the best job of explaining what he really meant. Maybe he didn’t really know, or was too afraid to say it aloud.
“You’re right,” she said quietly. She brought her knees up, resting her elbows on them.
Declan’s shoulders relaxed. “I’m not trying to push you, I swear. I’d just like to see you… relax a bit more. And if you need help figuring out what’s holding you back, then let’s talk about it.”
Vesper closed her eyes. She didn’t need to talk about it. She already knew. “This was a mistake,” she said. “We should have stayed friends.”
There was a moment of silence, and then Declan said, in a choked voice, “What?”
Vesper didn’t open her eyes. She couldn’t bear to look at him. “I like you so much,” she said. “I love being with you. I think, if we had never started dating, we could have been really good friends. You’re my best friend at the Ministry, even better than Ron. But I can’t…” It was hard for her to say it, because she knew it would hurt him.
The resistance to intimacy with him, the strangeness of it that she couldn’t shake. How she never wanted the talking or joking to end because she knew what came next, the thing she always tried to avoid. She didn’t spend her nights alone fantasizing about him; she didn’t stare and admire the lines of his mouth or the shape of his body when he wasn’t looking. She didn’t feel tingling in her fingers when she touched him or a buzzing in her brain when she kissed him. And the thought of sleeping with him…
It was simple, really. She just didn’t want to.
She felt like a complete idiot. Why didn’t she pay attention to what was right in front of her? Why did she let it get this far?
“You’re breaking up with me.”
She opened her eyes to see that Declan was staring at her, his face a terrible mix of hurt and disbelief.
“I ask for a sign that you want the same things I want and instead you break up with me. Well, I guess I have my answer.”
“I’m sorry.” She could feel a lump forming in her throat, but she did all she could do swallow it down. She hardly had the right to cry in this situation.
He shook his head. “Me too.” He leaned forward, clasping his hands in front of him with his elbows on his knees. “Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed. I didn’t mean to push-“
“It’s not your fault,” Vesper said quickly. “I’m just not…” whole. She sighed. “…ready. Not just regarding sex. Any of it. I wasn’t ready and I just didn’t know it. It’s my fault.”
He only sat there, not looking at her or saying anything. The silence stretched on, and Vesper wondered what she could say at this point. Maybe tell him she never meant to hurt him, that she did care about him? Or would that just seem empty?
“I guess I’ll be going then,” he said finally. He stood. “Thanks for dinner, and making me watch that film. I enjoyed it.”
“Declan…” She couldn’t stand the flatness of his voice or the blankness of his face, but she knew there was nothing she could do.
“I’ll see you around,” he said. “Bye.”
“Bye,” she replied softly.
She heard his footsteps fade down the hall, and the front door close, and she was alone.
She let herself cry then, not for the losing the man she had let walk out the door, but for the part of herself she had lost somewhere, the part of herself that would never have wanted him to walk out in the first place.
***
“You look tired.”
Vesper hummed. “Its not so bad.”
“Is it work?” Blaise watched her as they walked side by side, his hands in the pockets of his black wool coat.
Vesper rubbed her gloved hands together. It was a cold afternoon, just about to bleed into early evening, but she was glad to be out, walking through a park with Blaise. Being inside a Ministry office five days a week made her long regularly for fresh air, even though it was already December and the chill chapped her lips.
“Mostly.”
“Late nights with Ross as well?” Blaise’s voice was forcedly neutral.
Vesper sighed. “No, actually.”
She could feel Blaise looking at her, but she kept her gaze straight ahead, following the narrow path as it wound through the trees.
“You…?” Blaise seemed to not really know how to frame the question. “Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?”
“It’s a ‘for the best’ thing,” Vesper said with half a smirk. “We ended it. I ended it.”
Blaise stopped walking abruptly. Vesper turned back to him.
“It’s over? You’re over?”
“Yes.”
Blaise’s face visibly softened. “Vesper…”
His hand reached for her, but she caught it halfway, knowing where this was going.
“I didn’t choose you over him,” she said. “That wasn’t what any of this was about, me trying to choose. This was about me figuring out what I need right now. And what I need right now is to be alone.” She squeezed his hand, then let it drop. “I don’t mean alone as in without friends, just… single. For a while. I knew I needed that before and I let myself have it for those first few months, but Declan just kind of showed up in my life and I thought it was some kind of sign, that it was the right time for me to… try something new. But it wasn’t. I’m not ready to date again.” She looked at him and chewed on her lip. “Not even you.”
He stared at her, and she could see that sharp mind at work, in the dark churning of his eyes. “What are you asking of me? To wait? Or do you want me to move on?”
Vesper closed her eyes. There were two answers to that question. The honest one and the generous one. She tried for a blending of the two. “Selfishly, I don’t want you to move on, because I think there’s a chance for us, down the road. But not right now. And that’s hardly fair to you, so… if you need to move on, I understand.”
He reached up to grasp her chin, and this time she didn’t stop him. “You are the most frustrating person I know.” His voice was dry as usual, but his face shone with something that might have been admiration. “But I love you, and I will do my best.”
“That’s all I could ever ask.”
He looked at her soberly, his thumb twitching as if he was about to brush it over her bottom lip. But he released her chin instead and simply nodded.
They walked the rest of the path in silence, leaning into each other’s warmth as darkness fell.
Up Next: Draco reconnects with Blaise and starts the wedding planning process with Harry.
LadyShire: Thanks, as always! Yes, they were well due to finally take that step. Lots more about the wedding (and Narcissa's involvement) to come!
Draco and Harry will be sure to do what they need to do to support Teddy. He’s just the kind of kid that processes his feelings internally before he shares them aloud, a lot of the time. And lately he’s had a lot to process. But he’ll be all right. He’s resilient too!
goddess-of_dragons: Thanks! Yeah, I thought it was fitting to have Harry do the asking. In the original mapping of my story I was going to have it be the other way around, but with the dynamic of the scene I chose what I thought worked better.
Vesper does have a lot going on, doesn’t she? Although after this her anxieties around her relationship with Declan will be gone, so that’s something. I’m so happy to see you invested in her story along with the rest!
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