Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

I Understand	By : LMG67 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 9627 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Author Notes
- 2-Revelation
- 3-Grief
- 4-Horror
- 5-Thoughts
- 6-Anger
- 7-Training
- 8-Explanation
- 9-Expressions
- 10-Thinking
- 11-Tower
- 12-Pain
- 13-Seperate
- 14-Questions
- 15-Tears
- 16-In their own words
- 17-Tantrum
- 18-Sorrow
- 19-Darkness
- 20-Light
- 21-Passion
- 22-Breath
- 23-Suspicions
- 24-Iggy
- 25-Fear
- 26-Decisions
- 27-Understanding
- 28-Draco
- 29-Harry
- 30-Fallout
- 31-Accidents...
- 24
- 25
- 26
FEAR

He was staring off into space, feet braced and hands clenched at his sides but he really wasn’t seeing
anything. He was just staring. This couldn’t be happening!

He didn’t remember his panicked flight from the library. He didn’t remember hearing Hermione’s
desperate shouts for him to stop. He didn’t remember pushing and shoving people out of his way. He
didn’t remember hearing his Head of House’s shouts and then Hermione’s frantic explanations. He
didn’t remember his run to the Forbidden Forrest.

He didn’t know that here he was, Draco Malfoy, staring off into space and seeing nothing.

Because that was what his life had now become. Nothing.

When his father found out about this he was a dead man.

And dead men couldn’t help anyone. Everything that he had thought that he was, was crashing down
on him and he just couldn’t handle it. His mind was drifting in a black fog. He didn’t want to think
about anything so he just let everything go. His Father, Pansy, his Mother, Voldemort, the group,
and Harry. Especially Harry. He hated this. Damn it! It was not fair! This, this made his life
worthless.

He couldn’t deal with this anymore. He was useless. He wasn’t doing any good; he was helping no
one. His mother was still raped and beaten no matter what he did. Pansy was still destined for the
Dark Mark come Christmas. People still died. Innocent people that he couldn’t help. Draco’s
personal list of people was long. But there were thousands that died because he was useless.

He could feel the wetness on his face whenever the breeze would pick up but he didn‘t raise a fist to
wipe it away. He stared at the waterfall unseeingly. It registered in his mind that he was where
everything had started. He had run back to the place where his life had changed course for what he,
up to that point, had considered the better. He felt the panic turn to anger, then fear, then nothing. He
was empty, hollow inside. He was pulled down into the darkness surrounding his mind.

Draco Malfoy finally, completely understood what Harry Potter had been going through.

Draco fell to his knees with an anguished shout. He was broken. This had done what neither his
father nor Voldemort had been able to do.

~`*`~

Hermione ran after Draco. She had been surprised when he had jumped up with a strangled “NO”
and ran out of the Library. She would never forget the panic, fear, and loss she saw on his face that
day.

She couldn’t keep up with him and her shouts weren’t stopping him. She ran after him as he fled
shoving and pushing people out of his way. Snape stopped her when he grabbed her by the arm when
she attempted to run past him. She glared at him but he did not let her go.

“What is the meaning of this foolishness, Ms. Granger?” Professor Snape said in a scathing voice.

Hermione could do nothing but look at him as the tears ran down her face. She tried desperately to
catch her breath so that she could tell him. Her mind took in the fact that he had her pulled close
enough to his body so that she could feel the warmth all down her side. She felt her face flush even
more.

“Prof....Professor, we have to stop him before he does something stupid.” Hermione gasped out.

Hermione watched as his face drained of color. “What have you done to Mr. Malfoy?” He ground
out while giving her arm a shake.

“Nothing.” She squeaked.

“Ms. Granger,” he started to say but she interrupted him.

“Professor he has a bond and he just found out, we have to find him. I think he is going to do
something stupid.” She said hurriedly trying to jerk her arm out of his tight grasp.

Severus felt himself go cold all over as her words sunk in. They had a bond! He pushed her from
him.

“Then by all means follow Mr. Malfoy and my congratulations to the both of you.” He said silkily
cold voice and turned to walk away. He needed a drink.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned in anger to see the impertinent girl standing there with a
confused look on her face.

“Professor, the bond is not with me.” She said softly. She stared into his eyes in a way that was
making him decidedly uncomfortable.

“Who?” He said.

She shook her head, she would not tell unless it was absolutely necessary. It was not her place
anymore she had already done more than she should.

“It doesn’t matter whom. What matters is that he needs help. We have to find him because I believe
he will do something stupid now that he knows.” Hermione explained gently. When he had turned
she had not removed her hand from his shoulder and she was just now becoming aware of the
whispers as the other students walked by and saw the Head girl and Professor Snape talking so close
together. She felt her face flush again as she withdrew her hand. Snape felt its loss immediately and
he had to stamp down hard on the desire to draw her fully into his arms.

Nodding his head at her, he motioned for her to go first but not the way that Draco had run but the
opposite way, towards the Headmasters office. She sighed and nodding walked the way he had
pointed.

~`*`~

Harry had barely made it to his bed before the potion had kicked in. He had been more tired that he
had known and his sleep was deep. The dream surprised him with its intensity and abruptness.

He was walking, walking down a path holding hands with someone. The path was shining bright
but all around them was just darkness. He could feel it pressing down on them and felt afraid of
that darkness. He looked but could not make the face out of the person with him. He heard
yelling and saw, running down the path towards them, Hermione and surprisingly Professor
Snape. He felt the person with him start to withdraw their hand from his and Harry knew that if
he let that happen than everything was gone. He tried to grip the other’s hand tighter but they
pulled insistently until they managed to get their hand free. He could hear Hermione yelling to
stop but he didn’t understand what they were to stop they had just been walking. He looked to the
panic and fear on both of their faces as they ran but didn’t seem to get any closer. He felt the
other’s hand finally slip from his and he turned in panic towards the other person. They were
gone. He was alone. He could hear screaming and he noticed that it sounded surprisingly like
his voice. Everything tipped and he was on his knees screaming into the darkness. The last thing
he noticed was the path fading in intensity. He screamed again as the darkness closed around
him.

~`*`~

Hermione was shaking by the time they had reached the Headmaster’s office. She could not keep the
fear from her face. She should never have told him. She was so stupid!

As they walked up the stairs Severus noticed her distress. “All will be well, Ms. Granger; the
Headmaster will take care of this.” He said softly trying to calm her.

Hermione looked at him in shock, had he just tried to say something nice to her? She felt her whole
body shiver and go warm at the thought. God, how she wanted this man! She hoped none of that
showed on her face as she nodded at him.

Dumbledore looked up as they walked into his office. “Yes, Severus?”

“We have a problem Albus.”

Dumbledore sat back and motioning them to sit. “Tea?”

Both shook their head in denial as they sat down. “Well then, what is the problem?”

Hermione opened her mouth to speak but with a flush turned to Snape and giving him an imploring
look for him to be the one to speak.

“It seems that Mr. Malfoy has a bond. From what I could gather from his actions he is not real
happy about it.” Snape said dryly.

“He has a heart bond and a soul bond Professor.” Hermione said softly.

They were surprised to see the Headmaster nod his head as if he already knew.

“You knew.” Whispered Hermione angrily.

“Yes.”

“You know what this will do to them. You knew and you did nothing to stop this! It will kill them
both because HE WILL NOT ACCEPT IT!” Hermione was yelling and she had stood up and was
standing in front of the Headmasters desk. At her last words she banged her hand down rattling the
contents on it.

“Ms. Granger!” Came Snape’s sharp admonishment.

Dumbledore raised his hand and anything else the Professor was going to say he swallowed with a
grunt of anger.

“Yes, Hermione I knew. And no I did not stop it because I can not. You should know this.”
Dumbledore said softly to the angrily shaking girl in front of him.

“You could have done something. All these years, the fights, the words, the anger it all could have
been stopped. Why, why did you let them do this to themselves if you knew?”

“Because it was the only way to keep them alive Ms. Granger.” Dumbledore said. “Sit down and I
will explain.” Hermione sat with a humph and crossing her arms glared at him angrily.

“This was the only way to keep them both safe. They had to grow up first, Ms. Granger. I had hoped
that they would overcome their childish feud and they were beginning to do just that when you told
him. It was still too soon for him to know though I suspect that the other one knows already and was
working on him. I had thought that Sunday night would have been enough for Mr. Malfoy to except
this but I was wrong. Tell me, how long do you think either of them would have lived if Lucius
knew that his son was bonded? If he knew who he had been bonded too? ”

“Oh God.” Hermione whispered. She could no longer hold back the shaking. Her sobs were ripped
from her and she knew, just knew that this was going to kill Harry when he found out. Because she
knew without a shadow of a doubt that Draco was now going to deny the bond. No matter what had
transpired between them and Hermione was sure that something had happened between them, Draco
was going to end up killing Harry.

“He’ll kill him.” She whispered.

“If he denies it he will.” Dumbledore said sadly.

Snape looked between the two in confusion. He?

“He?” He snapped, “just who is Mr. Malfoy bonded too?”

Hermione looked at him in fear and then glanced at the Headmaster. The twinkle was gone from his
face to be replaced by the saddest look she had ever seen on him. She shook her head she couldn’t
say it. Dumbledore nodded at her. She gathered her courage and turned to face the angry gaze of the
man sitting next to her.

“Harry.”

~`*`~

Ron was sitting in the common room trying to read the correspondence that they had gotten from
Mundungus that morning but in reality he was thinking about a brown haired blue eyed Slytherin.
He had been thinking about her a lot lately and every time he did he got this funny feeling in the pit
of his stomach. It was terrifying.

His thought was broken into when he heard screaming coming from the dorm rooms. The screaming
grew louder and more frantic and it flashed into his head that Harry had went up to sleep an hour
before. It was Harry screaming!

Ron jumped up and ran to the dorm room and as he got closer he could make out that yes it was
Harry screaming. He sounded more terrified that Ron had ever heard him.

He slammed into Harry’s room to see him thrashing around on his bed screaming bloody murder. A
quick glance showed the room empty. He heard someone run into the room behind him and seeing
Dean standing there in shock yelled at him to go get someone.

Dean ran out with a frightened look and raced to find a teacher. He reached McGonagall office just
as she was leaving and panted out that Harry was being attacked.

Professor McGonagall gave him a fearful look and running to her private rooms threw some flue
powder into her fire and yelled out “ALBUS!”

Seconds past before the Headmaster’s head appeared in the flames. “Yes. Minerva?”

“Mr. Potter is being attacked in his dorm room.” She yelled out before turning and running out of
her room towards the Gryffindor tower.

Hermione gasped as she heard her Head of Houses announcement. She jumped up to run out of the
room when she was stopped by the Headmasters voice. She turned to stare at him in fear.

‘This way my dear.” he said as he walked to the back of his office to a door she had never seen
before.

Professor Snape took her arm and pushed her hurriedly to the door and she looked in amazement at
what was in there. It was a round room filled with portraits. Each picture was of a common room for
each of the houses. There was also one for the Great Hall, the Kitchens, the Library and the
Infirmary. Now I know how he always seems to show up when needed, ran through her mind as she
saw him step to the picture and mutter a word. The picture swung open and there was her common
room and she could see the back of Professor McGonagall as she ran up the stairs followed by Dean.
She could also hear Harry’s screams and they tore at her heart. With a sob she pushed past the two
and dashed up the stairs.

~`*`~

He knew what it felt like to be dead inside now. Even everything that he had faced over the last year
had not made him feel like this.

He had been here for hours now, or so it felt like, and still he still felt out of touch with reality. There
was absolute nothing out there for him anymore. He had been inside himself, thinking, replaying his
life, and he knew. He understood. Everything. Nothing. None of it mattered. Not to a dead man.

That is what Harry had meant. Harry knew what being a dead man felt like. This feeling, this non-feeling, is what Harry had lived with his whole life. How? He asked himself, how did he live like
this? He missed him. This thought made him so angry. He didn’t want this! Draco knew he was
lying to himself. He did want this; he wanted this more than anything he had ever wanted in his life.
But what he wanted meant nothing, not when the price was too high to pay. Harry was his price and
Draco couldn’t pay it.

It never occurred to him to wonder why he was thinking about Harry at this time. He was going to
deny the bond and probably kill them both so why should he try to understand him? He shook his
head vehemently. He was tired of this. Of everything.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he shouted out into the stillness his words drowning in the pounding,
crashing sounds of the waterfall.

He grabbed his wand and taking it gripped it sharply in his shaking hand. Holding out his other arm
he bared his wrist. Placing his wand on upon his wrist he drew a deep breath and steeled himself to
do this. He wanted this.

“Slaschen sva,” he whispered and gasped out in shock at the pain.

~`*`~

Ron had struggled to wake Harry after Dean had run out. He couldn’t. Harry started lashing out,
reaching out, like he was trying to find something. Ron sobbed in fear. He couldn’t wake him.

Harry’s body started to shake and his screams grew hoarse but he never stopped screaming. The
screams were getting louder and more frantic than ever and Ron could do nothing but hold his
friend.

Abruptly Harry stilled and Ron drew back to see if he was awake and he gasped at what he saw.
Harry eyes were wide open but sightless as he stared off into space. His mouth was open but no
sound emerged. And his body was still, so still. Ron was so glad that he had stopped screaming that
it took a second for him to realize that Harry wasn’t breathing.

“Harry,” he cried out in anguish shaking the limp body before him.

The door slammed open and in rushed Professor McGonagall followed closely by Hermione, Snape,
and then Professor Dumbledore.

“He’s not breathing!’ Ron screamed out fearfully.

~`*`~

Oh God it hurt! He knew it was going to but this was worst than crucio. He watched as the blood
flowed down his hand to the ground. He hung his head in shame. His father was right he was weak.
He was nothing. Malfoy’s do not cry he had heard his father say a million times.

“Fuck you father!” He yelled out in despair.

He sighed as he watched his blood flow. Finally.

“Goodbye Harry.” He whispered sadly as the blood and tears flowed.

~`*`~

“No!” Hermione screamed out. She collapsed on the floor shaking. She felt arms surround her and
looking up she saw warm brown eyes watching her with concern. She reached up her hand and
traced the lips of the man in front of her. His face blurred as the tears fell but she could not pull her
eyes from his.

Snape saw her fall and couldn’t stop himself from taking her in his arms. He felt his body respond as
she reached up and traced his lips with her finger. He could not stop the shiver running through his
body at her actions.

They were drawn from their stare by the Headmaster voice yelling at them to all be quiet. They
watched as he placed his hand over Harry’s forehead and murmuring something they saw Harry’s
body shake once and his breathing resumed.

Dumbledore turned and said softly, “We have to find him, this spell won’t last for long and if he dies
we will lose them both. Harry will give up the fight. His will is weak now. He doesn’t want to live.
Neither of them does.”

“What are you talking about Professor?” Ron asked fearfully.

“Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy have a bond Mr. Weasley. Mr. Malfoy found out tonight and he is
trying to deny the bond.”

“But...but that will kill them!” Professor McGonagall gasped.

“Yes it will.” Dumbledore said sadly.

“Where would he have gone?” Snape asked the concern for Draco evident in his voice.

Hermione suddenly knew where Draco had gone. She turned to grasp Snape’s hand. “Last year you
gave them a detention. You had them go to the Waterfall. Draco told me tonight that Harry saved
his life that night.” Hermione ignored the gasps her words caused. “He said that that night, in that
place, his life changed. Maybe he went there?”

Snape thought for a moment and then nodded, “I believe Ms. Granger could be right. I will go there
and look for him.” He stood reluctantly and let go of her hand. He didn’t see the look pass between
the two other teachers in the room.

“I’m going with you.” Ron said ignoring the scowl on his teacher’s face.

“Mr. Weasley,” Professor Snape said in a calm voice but was interrupted by Ron’s shout.

“I. AM. GOING. WITH. YOU.”

Snape nodded and left the room quickly followed by Ron.

They ran down stairs, out the door, and down the yards to the entrance of the Forbidden Forrest. Ron
thought about what Professor Dumbledore had said about Harry and Draco. It made a lot of things
clearer. Damn it he was going to kill Malfoy for hurting Harry!

By the time they reached the waterfall Ron’s side was hurting and breathing was something of the
past. Both men were gasping harshly as they ran into the clearing. They stumbled to a halt as they
took in the scene before them.

Draco was glowing. A soft white light surrounded him and every few seconds it would pulse and
flicker and then its intensity would lessen. He was kneeling at the side of the water and they could
plainly see his body shaking. As they walked closer they could hear his sobs and gasps for air. The
light faded as they reached him.

Snape kneeled on one side of the shaking boy and Ron kneeled on the other. They could see the
blood in a pool in front of him. Snape looked to see if he was still bleeding and was glad to see that
the bleeding had stopped. He reached out to touch him but was stopped by Ron speaking.

“Draco,” he said softly.

Draco slowly lifted his head when he heard his name called. “I couldn’t do it.” He said softly, sadly.
“I couldn’t kill. I wanted to die so badly but I know that if I do then he will hurt.” Draco met the
understanding eyes of Ron.

“I know. I do understand Draco. And so will Harry.”

Draco shook his head negatively, “No. He will hate me now,” he gasped out trying unsuccessfully to
hold back the tears.

Ron did the only thing that he could do. He reached out and took the sobbing boy in his arms. “He
never has and he isn’t going to start now. This is just another hurdle that we will have to deal with.”

Draco shook his head. “No I am leaving.”

“What!” Ron and Snape shouted. Ron watched as Draco flinched at their anger. He’s running, he
thought, he’s just as scared as Harry is about this. Ron didn’t know if he was right but he knew that
Harry had been thinking hard about something all weak. Only right that this was what had been on
his friend’s mind.

“Wait a minute.” Ron said with a knowing look in his eye. “You think that we will not accept you
don’t you? You think that we will outcast Harry. He’s scared to you know. Harry is my best friend
Malfoy and I made a promise to myself years ago that anything that makes Harry happy is worth
having. And you made Harry happy. That is until you tried to kill yourself and Harry almost died.”

“What?” Whispered the shocked boy.

“Did you think your actions tonight would have no consequences Mr. Malfoy?” Snape sneered.

“But the bond...it’s not complete. How?”

“The heart bond that you have with Mr. Potter may not be complete but the soul bond was complete
about 5 nights ago I believe.” Snape said sardonically.

Draco looked at him in shock. “No,” he whispered.

“Will you quit being a baby Mr. Malfoy. I see no reason for these histrionics, except for the fact that
you have gone and gotten yourself bonded to a Gryffindor, there is no reason for this.” Snape said
harshly.

Ron glanced at him with anger, “Like you have anything to talk about you slimy git” he murmured.

Snape ignored him and said to Draco, “Get up this instant and let us go back to Hogwarts.”

Draco nodded and stood up. “Is Harry ok?” He whispered to Ron.

Ron draped his arm over the other boy’s shoulder and said as they began their walk back, “He is
now mate.”

~`*`~

Hermione stood up when the three walked into the room. She gasped at the blood on Draco’s arm
and then stormed up to him. “Draco Malfoy if you ever do anything that foolish again I will make
you regret not doing it right the first time!” She snapped angrily at him.

Draco watched her nervously wondering if she was going to slap him again. “I’m sorry Hermione.”

Her eyes softened as she saw that he really was sorry. “I understand and if you ever need to talk I am
here.” She whispered softly to him and then turned and walked back to where she had been sitting.

Draco turned his attention to the bed and everyone else was forgotten. He slowly walked to the side
of the bed ignoring the stares of the others in the room. He didn’t see the rest of the Eight standing to
the side. Nothing mattered but making sure that Harry was safe. He reached out a wiped the tears
from his face. His heart clenched at seeing them and he desperately wanted to kiss them away and to
never see any again.

After a few minutes of watching him sleep he looked up into the kind old eyes of the Headmaster.
“Why hasn’t he woke up yet?”

Dumbledore smiled sadly. “I had to cast a spell on him to get him to start breathing again.”

Draco gasped and reached out a hand to steady himself when he heard that.

“I...I can’t do this” he whispered in fear.

“All right that is it!” Pansy yelled from across the room. “Draco Malfoy I have had enough of your
stupidity.” She stomped across the room and for the second time that night Draco feared he was
about to get slapped. No one stopped her tirade and Ron looked on in amusement as she advanced
on her best friend.

“Since when do you care what anyone thinks? What in the bloody hell were you thinking? Killing
yourself? You knew what this was going to do to Harry. You knew and you tried to do it anyway.
Why? Not because of your bloody idiot of a father I’ll tell you that. You, Draco Malfoy, are scared.
Plain and simple and the sooner you admit it to yourself the better off everyone will be.” She had
reached him by the time she was done with her yelling.

She shook her head at him, “Don’t fight it Draco, love is the most wonderful thing in the world. Die
for it, live for it, hold it, because it is everything. Don’t give it up. Never, ever give it up.”

He gathered his best friend in his arms and hugged her, “Thank you Pans, “ he whispered into her
hair and letting her go turned to Dumbledore, “Can you wake him?”

Dumbledore smiled the twinkle in his eye back where it belonged. He murmured the charm and
watched as Harry’s eyes fluttered.

Draco leaned over him and whispered lovingly, “Hi.”

Harry reached up and traced his cheek with a shaking finger, “Hi Iggy,” he whispered back and then
slowly his eyes closed and he fell into an easy sleep.

Draco groaned at the giggles he heard behind him. He turned to glare at everyone in the room.
“Out!” he snarled as each of them laughed at his embarrassment.

Snape walked to him and taking his arm in his hand muttered the healing spell to stop the rest of his
bleeding and close the cut. He chuckled as he left the room with the others.

Draco turned and watched Harry as he slept. He heard a sound behind him and looked to see that the
others had not left when the teachers had. He smiled sadly at them.

“I’m sorry...” he began but was stopped by Vince.

“Nothing to be sorry for Draco.” He said gruffly. The others nodded in agreement.

“Everything will be okay, Draco.” Pansy said.

“No it won’t Pans. When my father finds out he will kill Harry.” Draco pointed out.

“He’ll have to get in line won’t he?” Neville said with a grin. Draco stared at him in shock before
bursting out laughing. The others laughed as well.

“He’ll be ok Draco.” Hermione said. “Tomorrow you guys can talk about everything.”

Draco looked down at the sleeping boy beside him and sighed. “I was going to leave.” He glanced
up at the shocked faces surrounding him. He saw Ron nod.

“What? At least that would have kept him alive.” Draco snarled.

“Alive?” Ron snapped, “Like he has been for the last six years. Slowly dying inside each time
someone dies that he couldn’t save. You have no idea what he has to face every single day to get out
of that bed. To still go on every day when all he wants to do is live his own life. This past week has
been like the old Harry was back. He acted as if he had something to fight for not just that he was
going to fight!” Ron was furious. Pansy walked over to him and gathered him in her arms. “You
have no idea.” He whispered.

Greg snorted, “do you think that he is the only one that wants that. You have no idea what Draco
has to put up with either!”

“Greg,” Draco said sharply not wanting him to say more than he had already. “Look, this is getting
us no where. I am sorry that I was stupid ok.” He said exasperatedly running his hand through his
hair.

“I think it is time that we should go,” Hermione said. “Goodnight all.” The others said goodnight as
well and soon Draco was left alone in the room with Harry. Taking his wand he muttered the
cleaning charm and the blood was instantly gone. He looked around for something to sleep in and
saw an old pair of Harry sweatpants. He changed quickly and crawled into Harry’s bed dragging the
sleeping boy closer and wrapping his arms tightly around him he sank into sleep.

**************************************************************

Thank you to everyone.

Enjoy!

LMG
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I Understand