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Much Ado About Nothing	By : goblet Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2534 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
by The Goblet

Chapter 24

"Mr Zonko, Mr Dervish and Mr Banges," Aberforth greeted the three men waiting outside Dervish and Banges.

Although not the brightest wizard in Hogsmeade (Aberforth was a master of malapropisms, always getting his words just slightly wrong), he was Albus Dumbledore's younger brother and had been assigned the duty of Watch Coordinator by the Hogsmeade Village Council.

Under Aberforth, the Watch was very polite, but not very effective at deterring crime, or Death Eaters. In fact, the Watch was charged with doing very little, except being quiet and trying (not very hard) to keep the peace.

The group of men waiting outside Dervish and Banges were to patrol the west end of the village, while another group, waiting outside the post office, would be patrolling the east end. Aberforth and his second in command, Isaac Honeyduke, were the go-betweens.

"Are you good men and true?" Aberforth asked as he approached the West Watch.

"Of course!" replied Isaac Honeyduke, the proprietor of Honeydukes sweetshop. "They are all free of the Dark Mark."

"Ahh, of course, or else they would not have been chosen for the Citizens' Watch," Aberforth said, grinning widely.

"Well, give them their charge, Aberforth," Honeyduke replied, nudging the other man forward.

"First, who is the most desert-less man? A man to be your constable?" he asked.

Dervish stood forward and saluted before replying. "Zonko sir, for he has an ingenious mind for jokes and tricks."

"Come forward then, Mr Zonko," Aberforth instructed.

A jolly man stepped forward. He had rosy cheeks and a mischievous twinkle in his eye. Aberforth looked him up and down. "To be a well-favoured man is pure luck, but to be skilled with jokes and tricks comes by nature," he stated.

"Both which, Dumbledore -" Zonko began, before being interrupted by Aberforth.

"- You have: I know will be your answer. Good, good, I know you would be delighted to be the constable.

"You are the most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch; therefore, you get to carry the lantern."

Aberforth gave Zonko a fairy trapped in a glass jar. "This is your charge: you will apprehend all vagabond men and you are to bid any man to stand in the Light's name."

"What if they will not stand?" asked Banges.

Aberforth scratched his whiskers. "Then… take no notice of him and let him go. And be thankful that you are rid of a rogue."

"If he will not stand when he is bidden, then he is not a supporter of the Light," Honeyduke added.

"That's right!" Aberforth turned to Honeyduke and congratulated him on his insight. He turned back to the watch. "You are not to meddle with anyone who does not support the Light," he told them.

"You shall not make any noise in the street, for the Watch to babble and make noise is most tolerable and not to be endured."

"We would rather sleep than talk," Dervish exclaimed.

Aberforth smiled. "You sound like a seasoned watchman. I cannot see how sleep can offend, only take care that your wallets aren't stolen."

The Innkeeper looked at his list of instructions once more. "You are to call at the Hog's Head and the Three Broomsticks, and tell the drunkards to go home and sleep it off."

"What if they won't?"

"Excellent question," answered Aberforth. "Leave them alone until they are sober then. If they make a fuss then, just tell them that they aren't the men you took them for."

The three watchmen nodded.

"If you meet with a thief," continued Aberforth, "you may suspect him to be a lying man. Leave him for as true men, the less you meddle with him, the more honest you are."

"If we know he is a thief, then should we not arrest him?" asked Dervish.

"As a member of the Watch, you may; but you do not want to become defiled by his impurity. The most peaceful way, if you do arrest a thief, is to let him show himself, and steal out of your company."

"You have always been a merciful man, Aberforth," Honeyduke stated, bowing down to the older man.

"'Tis true," Aberforth replied. "I wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone a man who has some good in him."

Honeyduke looked at their list before returning his attention to the Watch. "If you hear a child cry in the night, you must wake its mother."

"What if its mother is asleep and won't hear us?" asked Zonko.

"Well, leave her alone then and let the child wake her with its cries," Aberforth responded. "For a ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baas will never answer a calf when he bleats."

"'Tis very true," backed Honeyduke.

Aberforth checked his checklist again. "That is the end of your charge," he announced. "Good night, my good sirs, if there are any problems, call upon me. I shall be speaking with the Eastern Watch."

The three men nodded and watched as Aberforth disappeared towards the Three Broomsticks. "Shall we sit outside the shop?" asked Banges.

"Let's," agreed Dervish.

"And we can all go to bed at two," added Zonko, as they made their way to Dervish and Banges.

"One more thing," called Aberforth as he came running back towards them. "Watch outside the Inn's door, for there is a wedding tomorrow at Hogwarts, and a great celebration tonight! We want the groom returned in one piece."

He dropped his voice to a whisper, "Remember: be vigilant and may the Light be with you."

After Aberforth and Honeyduke departed for the second time that evening, the West Watch continued on their way to Dervish and Banges, sat down quietly on a bench, and prepared to go to sleep.

"Rabastan!" called Rodolphus as he wandered up the High Street. He and his brother had planned to meet after the rouse to discuss how things had proceeded.

"Shhh!" came a rather nasty hushing from one of the cottages.

Rodolphus lowered his voice. "Rabastan!" he half whispered.

"I'm here," his brother hissed, appearing at his elbow.

Rodolphus jumped a mile. "For the love of Merlin!" he whispered angrily at his brother. "Did you have to give me a heart attack?!"

Rabastan grinned devilishly. "How did it go tonight?" he asked, ignoring his brother's anger.

Rodolphus hit him on the arm and pulled him under the awning of a nearby shop: Dervish and Banges. It had begun to rain, and it was the closest shelter in the street. Not that the two brothers wanted to return to the Hog's Head or Hogwarts that evening. No, they were staying well clear of the Gryffindor do-gooders.

"It went brilliantly," he whispered to his brother, his eyes twinkling wickedly. He pulled a bottle of Vivian's Voracious Vodka out of his robes and took a swig, before handing it to his brother.

"My little fuck buddy had stolen the Polyjuice and Snape's robes. When he had transformed, he performed magnificently. He was the epitome of a whore and it didn't even matter that he can't act for shit and wasn't anything like the real Snape. He just spread his legs and let me fuck Severus Snape's bony white arse."

Rabastan snorted. "You realise Bellatrix will castrate you if she finds out you've been screwing around behind her back."

Rodolphus grinned, "Why do you think, dear brother, I screw around with men and have not taken a female… consort?"

Rabastan sighed. "I don't even want to know," he told Rodolphus. He took a generous sip of the vodka and handed it back to his brother.

"Black has promised to get his hands on his grandfather's book of Unforgivable Curses, in payment for tonight," Rodolphus said, changing the subject.

"Regulus is giving you that for a little slap and tickle?" asked Rabastan.

"He is a villain, is he not?" asked his brother. "I would safely assume that he would have paid me much, much more for that little stunt tonight if I had asked him for it."

"More about tonight: was Lupin there?"

The elder LeStrange nodded. He drank from the bottle and handed it back before responding. "Regulus brought his brother and that half-blood, Lupin to the alley behind the inn. They saw everything. And I mean everything I had 'Snape' on his knees sucking me off. And then I took him standing up against the railing –"

"- this was on the balcony?"

"Yes. I had instructed 'Snape' not to wear anything under his robes, and from what I said to him, calling him a slut, removing his clothes to find nothing underneath, I had the half-blood believing that Snape had been screwing around behind his back for years, spreading his legs for any willing cock."

"Sheer absolute brilliance on your part, Rodolphus."

"Why thank you Rabastan."

"So is the wedding off?"

A sinful grin graced Rodolphus' features. "Why, Rabastan, that is the best part. The half-blood has not called off the wedding. He's going to bloody well leave Snape at the altar!"

"He's not!" exclaimed Rabastan.

"I mock you not. He's going to make a fool of him, and announce to the entire congregation what he saw tonight." Rodolphus smirked, happy with his handiwork.

Rabastan's eyes widened. "What about Pettigrew? How do you know he won't blab?"

Rodolphus beamed. "I made him swear a wizard's oath not to breathe a word of it to anyone."

"You truly are a master of deception."

Rodolphus took the vodka bottle off his brother and swallowed several mouthfuls.

Suddenly the two slightly inebriated wizards were ambushed by three angry shopkeepers.

"Accio wands!" cried Banges, summoning and catching the LeStranges' wands as they flew out of their robes before the two Slytherins could even reach for them.

The brothers turned and found themselves staring down the business end of three quavering wands.

"You are under Citizens' Arrest," announced Dervish.

Zonko stared at the brothers, anger evident in his eyes. "Go fetch Aberforth," he told Banges. "We have here recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was known in the commonwealth."

Rodolphus and Rabastan looked at each other Lechery?

"Good sirs," Rabastan began, stepping forward, as Banges retreated, running down the street.

"Stay where you are," snarled Dervish, pushing his wand into the other man's nose, sliding up Rabastan's nostril.

"But –"

"No buts!" growled Zonko. "You are under arrest, and you are coming with us!" Dervish poked his wand further up Rabastan's nose.

Rodolphus leant forward and whispered in Rabastan's ear. "Without our wands, we have little to defend ourselves with. They are going to arrest us for lechery. Lechery. Lechery is not a crime. It's best to go along nicely, and we will be well compensated for their… idiocy. Moreover, we will have somewhere warm to spend the night."

Rabastan nodded, agreeing with his brother. It would be nice to have somewhere warm to spend the night; he didn't fancy returning to Hogwarts and running into the half-blood; or Snape for that matter. "We come peacefully," he announced, raising his arms to hold his hands over his head.

tbc...

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Much Ado About Nothing