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I Give You a Wondrous Mirror	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 17806 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Thank you again for all the reviews!

And more angst. Did I mention this is the angsty part of the
story?

Chapter
Twenty-Five�Points of Love, Points of Honor

�� Draco kept
a careful eye on Harry. He knew something
had made his eyes go wide, and his face look as though he had just stepped over
the edge of an unexpected cliff. He planned to watch Harry until he knew what
was wrong, and then insist that he confront it, or at least tell Draco about
whatever it was, immediately.

�� It couldn�t be the scar, could it?

�� But when
Draco peered again at the scar through the remnants of Harry�s tattered robes,
it seemed the same as it had when he looked the first time: a red line of skin
that began at Harry�s shoulder and twisted down his flank, over his ribs, and
finally stopped somewhere around the inner thigh. The life-debts did good
healing work. Madam Pomfrey wouldn�t even need to look at it for long when she
came around.

�� But then she�ll ask inconvenient questions
about it, won�t she?

�� Draco shot
a quick glance over his shoulder. The matron seemed almost finished with
Granger, who now wore a sling, and she would probably be working her way around
the infirmary to Harry soon. And Draco found himself reluctant to either
explain the scar or tell someone else the truth about the life-debts, which
would only result in determined efforts to separate him and Harry�from Granger,
if no one else. He was reluctant to entertain the idea of anything that would
let Harry draw further away.

�� And that
included Harry�s own, blushing silence, his eyes now averted to the floor next
to the bed instead of Draco.

�� Draco made
his decision. He had already told Madam Pomfrey that Harry�s wounds weren�t
bad, which was true. A further lie would harm nothing.

�� Come,� he
said, tugging at Harry�s wrist.

�� Pardon?�
Harry looked up at him, wild-eyed as though Draco had just made a sexual
innuendo.

�� Draco
blinked, but decided that now was not the time to tease Harry about his
responsiveness. He tugged again, and Harry finally seemed to grasp what he
wanted, looking from his own scar to Madam Pomfrey and back again. He nodded,
stood, and slid off the infirmary bed. Granger, from the sudden turn of her
head, noticed them go, but no one else did. And a moment later she was called
off to her husband�s bedside to make him swallow a potion the matron insisted
he needed, anyway.

�� They
stepped out into the corridor, and Draco darted a glance around just to make
sure they really were alone. Then he
drew his wand and cast a privacy ward for extra measure. He wouldn�t give Harry
a chance to draw away because of imagined listeners, either.

�� Now,� he
said, turning and facing Harry, keeping him lightly fenced in between his body
and the wall. �Will you tell me why you looked as though your best friend had
died a few minutes ago?�

*

�� Harry drew
a deep breath, and then nodded. He had already made up his mind to tell Draco,
hadn�t he? He had even decided what to say. It had to be spoken just right, or
Draco would think up some way to get around it, or some reason why it didn�t
matter.

�� But this
mattered. So much. Harry hadn�t tested the strength of the marriage vows he�d
made to Ginny against the life-debts, but he was willing to wager they were as
strong. After all, he and she had carefully chosen the sternest set, the set
that could never be dissolved or even worked around.

�� Draco
leaned in and raised an eyebrow. He didn�t need to do or say anything more than
that. Harry picked up his courage in both hands and began to speak.

�� I realized
something just now,� he said quietly. �Something that might not make you happy.�

�� Draco
blinked rapidly several times. �So long as it�s not some nonsense about giving
up on our friendship,� he said. �I think, after that, any question of separating from each other is academic. Isn�t
it?�

�� Harry had
to smile at the sudden touch of uncertainty in Draco�s tone, and his
protectiveness arose again. Here was a man who had endured ten years of
insecurity. If Harry could prevent the return of those feelings, he would.

�It depends on the sort of
separation you mean,� said Harry. Draco still had a worried glint in his
eyes�obvious if you knew where to look for it�and Harry couldn�t put the truth
off any longer. �I�m in love with you.�

He could watch the realization work
in through Draco�s ears to the rest of his brain. His eyes blinked so quickly
that it looked as though he were trying to keep back tears, and then he leaned
forwards and his hands fell lightly on Harry�s shoulders. He was swaying, as
though he would lose his balance any moment.

�Harry,� he whispered. His voice thrilled
with emotions Harry couldn�t examine, lest his own resolve to protect both
Ginny and Draco weaken.

Protection. That was what Draco
most needed from him at the moment. Harry could give nothing more precious.

He made his point by leaning in
himself, scooping up a handful of Draco�s hair and palming his cheek with the
same motion, and kissing him.

He had meant the kiss to make a
point. He had not known that it would catch him up, too, his first kiss with
the man he loved, and that sparks of several different fires would be lit along
his spine all at once. He pressed closer, realizing only vaguely that Draco
wasn�t fighting to get away, but mimicking his actions. He was too focused on
the new sensations to think about what that meant, though he knew they were
part of the reason he was enjoying this so much. Closeness, and warmth, and an encompassing he had never felt with
Ginny, as though Draco embraced and forgave even those parts of him that had
used the Unforgivables in battle�

And then the itching started.

Harry�s back exploded into fire,
along with every inch of his ribs a moment later�save the skin where the scar
ran�and he pulled away from Draco with a gasp. Draco kept his hands on Harry
like glue or lead weights, staring dazedly into his eyes. Harry leaned back on
the wall, trying to push away the itching and the angry buzzing of the strained
marriage vows in his ears.

It didn�t work. The vows had been
meant to cling and punish until the erring husband or wife stepped safely back
inside limits. Harry still wanted to kiss Draco, and he was still touching him,
even if it wasn�t with desire, and he was still hard for him and thinking about
bare pale skin and a world where he hadn�t married Ginny. He would have to
break contact before the sensations retreated, and he would have to be back
inside the same house with Ginny before they would leave him completely.

�Why did you stop? Does my breath smell
that bad?�

Behind the joking tone in Draco�s
voice was immense hurt. He probably thought Harry was yet another one of the
lovers he�d had after Marian who hadn�t lasted, whom he couldn�t trust. Harry
shook his head and rested his hand on Draco�s shoulder, cautiously, watching
his eyes and not his lips. The itching dwindled to a tolerable level, and he
found that he could shape coherent sentences again.

�You�re not disgusting,� he said
quietly. �It�s the marriage vows I made with Ginny. They�re the sternest kind��

�The kind that punish you when you
touch someone else sexually?� Draco�s surprise and uncertainty had been
replaced with disgust. �Why in the world would you do that? Why would anyone do
that? Those vows existed to let parents take erring children to task back in
the Dark Ages, not to govern the lives of adults!�

Harry managed a chuckle. �I was
very romantic and Gryffindor when I married Ginny and couldn�t imagine wanting
anyone else. Why wouldn�t I have sworn to them? And she wanted to, as well.� He
closed his eyes, partially because his gaze had started to slip lower and the
warning snarl in his ears had intensified, and partially because he needed to
gather his strength for what he wanted to say next. That kiss had shocked him
in both good and bad ways.

�I�m in love with you,� he
repeated. �But it�s not going to change anything. It can�t. Other than the fact that��

Draco�s hand had tightened on his
shoulder blade hard enough to hurt. Harry winced, but he had his strength back
now, and he could look and meet Draco incredibly angry, raging eye to calm and
composed one.

�Other than the fact that I want
your happiness with every part of me that�s selfless,� Harry continued softly.
�And maybe some parts that aren�t, even though I�d also like to demand that you
sacrifice and wait for me. But that�s not fair. You need someone who can give
you everything you want and need,
Draco. That includes a sexual relationship. You wasted too many years inside a
gray shell, chained to Marian and hating everything about yourself. I don�t
want that to happen ever again. Find a lover who can make you happy, just as
happy as I can make you, and also give himself or herself to you sexually. It
would be better.�

�And I�m just supposed to ignore
the fact that you�re in love with me,� Draco said flatly.

�Are you in love with me?�
Harry stared at him, and it was Draco�s turn to flush a bit and glance away.

�Not that�I�m aware of,� he said
carefully. �The feelings involved are rather delicate, after all, and it�s been
some time since I�ve been able to express them.�

�See?� Harry said.

�See what?� Draco stared back at him, his eyes widening and deepening
like hurricanes with his fury. �I see you offering yourself as a martyr to me
whether I want that as a gift or not!�

�And I don�t want to be a martyr,�
said Harry, shrugging. He was a bit calmer now. This was closer to his
conception of what had to happen. �It would have been easier if I hadn�t fallen
in love with you.�

�Easier for whom?� Draco demanded. �Especially since, no matter what I can
or can�t call the state of my feelings right now, I know that I would rather
have you in my bed and my life than any other person I�ve ever met?�

�Easier for me,� said Harry. �The
marriage vows will keep me from ever being with you, Draco. I�ll have to long
and watch and wait, and that�s unfair and stupid and I wish it didn�t have to
be that way�but I�d hate to see you make a sacrifice of yourself for me even
more. Find someone else who will make you happy. There has to be someone else
out there for you who�s better than I am.�

�And if there isn�t?� Draco�s face had hardened into a mask of rage, as if he
thought Harry was giving up of his own free will.

�I think there can be,� said Harry.
�But regardless, the most we�ll ever be is friends. I told you about the
marriage vows, and you saw them in action just now��

�Do you want me?�

Harry managed to gesture to his
groin, which was still painfully swollen. He could make a joke of this, and if
Draco laughed, that might help him. �What does it look like?�

�That�s only part of it,� said
Draco, staring at him like a kestrel about to swoop down on a mouse. �Do you want me, Harry? For more than
just sex? Do you want to spend time with me in the ways proper to a bound pair?
Am I the most important person in your life? Would you do anything for me?�

Harry�s hands betrayed him and
reached out to cup Draco�s cheeks again. He stopped a few inches short of his
skin, so that he wouldn�t actually touch him, but even the sight of Draco
looking at him like that, fierce and proud and defiant and beloved, made him fill with a painful mixture of longing and
bitterness.

�Yes,� he whispered. �Or, at least,
you�re as important as the children and Ginny. And it can�t be otherwise,
Draco,� he hastened to add. �You know why. The life-debs can�t be dissolved,
but the marriage vows can�t be, either.�

�There has to be a way to get
around that,� Draco insisted. �There was a way to nullify multiple life-debts
all at once, by the willing gift of a wizard or witch. Why can�t there be a way
to nullify marriage vows?�

Harry frowned. Draco wasn�t taking
the news the way he had hoped. �But there isn�t,� he said. �This kind of vow
has existed for hundreds of years, and someone would have discovered a way
around it if there was one. There�s
not. I think you should accept that, and try to be happy. Find someone else��

*

Draco gave Harry a revolted glare
that shut him up immediately.

Well,
there�s that, at least. I wouldn�t want the man I think I�m falling in love
with to be completely stupid.

�I don�t want anyone else,� said Draco levelly. �I want you. We are going to
find a way around that marriage vow, and then we�ll have each other.�

Harry closed his eyes as though he
were striving for patience. �Draco,� he said. �Find someone else.�

�No,� Draco said. It was so very
simple. Harry was in love with him, therefore that was a reason for Draco to
strive to his utmost. Surely everyone else in the world would understand that?
Why did Draco get the one person who couldn�t?

Harry�s
lucky he has other attributes to make up for that.

�You told me that you wanted me to
be happy,� he continued. �It�s how I�m fulfilling one of my life-debts to you.
Well. You�re necessary to my happiness, so I won�t stop until you�re completely
mine.�

Harry blinked, looking bewildered.
�But you don�t know that�s true,� he
argued, as if this were all a matter of logic. �I could be necessary to your
happiness and yet stay your friend. Surely another lover would just increase
the total of your happiness, because it would be one more person in your life
whom you could share something with?�

Draco had no prohibitions holding him back from touching Harry, so he
reached out and cupped his face as he had the evening they found out about the
life-debts. Harry started to rest on the palm, then drew back, wary and alert,
wearing the expression of a man pursued by a kicked hornet hive.

Draco snarled under his breath,
condemning Harry and the Weasley�s younger and more foolish Gryffindor selves
for ruining the easy trust he had with the present Harry. He had the right to. He was having the dreams about me even then,
he said. He should have known it would come to this someday.

�Tell me it wouldn�t tear you up
inside to see men parading through the door and into my bed,� Draco whispered.

�It would,� said Harry. �But I
would get over it. I�d have to. I want you happy more than I care about making
myself happy.�

His green eyes were wide and
utterly sincere.

Draco froze. He knew Harry had no
idea what a self-revealing thing he�d just said.

And suddenly, some of the few
things he hadn�t understood about
Harry�s behavior over the past weeks made sense. Why he�d agreed to send George
Weasley into death when he must have known the burden would weigh on him and he
could never tell the truth to any of his adopted family. Why he�d agreed to go
to therapy. Why he�d sometimes touched Draco without hesitation, sometimes held
himself back as if thinking of his wife.

He was trying to make everyone
happy except himself. He had shouldered the burden without even thinking about
it, likely, and when Draco became important to him, Draco�s emotions became his
to safeguard, just one more boulder to pick up and carry.� He balanced them as best he could, and when
it seemed as though nothing he could do was right, he made hasty and miserable
compromises. The Weasleys and Granger probably picked at Harry�s patience and
strength like vultures feeding on a decaying corpse bit by bit, and never
realized it.

Neither had Draco, when he demanded
Harry�s time and attention and wanted to win the contests he seemed to be
having with Ginny Weasley. He had seen Harry worn down, but not known how
guilty a part he was playing in it.

Well.
That stops right now.

�Harry,� he said. �I hope that you
never need to say anything like that again. And right now, I have something to
ask of you.�

Harry blinked in startlement, then
relaxed. �Oh, yes,� he said. �That sixth life-debt. I do rather owe that to
you.� His eyes were bright, and Draco swallowed sickness�not because Harry was
less than beautiful at the moment, but because his eagerness came from the
opportunity to do things for someone else,
not just because it was Draco or because he wanted to be rid of the
responsibility of the life-debts.

So
long as he�s thinking about serving other people, he doesn�t have to face up to
the mess he�s making of his own life.

But
that�s done.

Draco had avoided pushing so far,
but now he was going to. And not for the sake of his own claim to Harry�at
least, not directly. Harry had done the protecting so far, until Draco reversed
matters by saving his life tonight. And that trend would continue until Harry
proved himself capable of sparing the strength to guard Draco again.

�You�re making the same promise
that I made to you,� Draco said.

�Five minutes of my time while you
speak under Veritaserum?� Harry asked.

�Not that,� said Draco, grinding
his teeth against the tirade he wanted to spout at Harry�s defensive
mechanisms. They�d been well-practiced for years and years, and Draco himself
had fallen for them. It was no wonder Harry thought that might happen again. He
made an effort to speak calmly, choking back the defensive fury that was in
part against the Weasleys and Granger and in part against himself and in part
against whoever had taught Harry to behave like this in the first place. Maybe I should blame the Dark Lord. �The
promise that I made to seek my own welfare, and do whatever I needed to to
become happy. Only you�re applying it to your
happiness, not mine.�

He waited.

Harry�s eyes turned a deep,
distressed green.

Draco firmly touched the side of
Harry�s face, and nodded.

�Please,� Harry whispered
intensely, as though Draco had just made a threat to kill his children. �I
can�t�I know that I can�t refuse to pay that if you demand it, but I can
persuade you out of it. Please? Ask something else.�

�No,� Draco whispered back, and clasped
the other side of Harry�s face, holding him still when Harry tried to shake his
head in denial. �This is what I want. This is what you�re going to give me.�

�Ask something else.�

God,
it was hard to ignore the hoarse pleading in his tone, but Draco managed. He
held Harry�s gaze evenly. �It�s not so hard a request to fulfill,� he said.
�Most wizards would be jumping at the chance to give such an easy payment. Why
aren�t you, Harry?�

�You know why.�

�I want to hear you say it.�

Harry swallowed several times, each
time opening his mouth as though he were going to speak, and then closing it
and swallowing again. He seemed to have a piece of jagged glass stuck in his
throat.

Finally, he said, �You know better
than anyone else, because you know about George. Draco, I�m just barely
managing you and Ginny and the children and the war as it is. I can make you
all satisfied, and I can give my best effort to fighting the war, but only if
nothing else piles on top of me. That�s why I was so upset when I realized I�d
fallen in love with you. That�s why I�that�s the selfish reason I want to see
you settled with someone else, so I�m not subjected to temptation and torn up
about this, too. Please, ask
something else.�

�Did I ask to be managed?� Draco
said, being sure to keep his voice soothing. �Did your wife?�

�I have to,� Harry snapped. �I can�t lose either of you, I can�t hurt
either of you, I can�t make you unhappy��

�Do you know how much it hurts me,�
said Draco, and it was easy to say the words despite how self-baring they were,
�when I watch you suffer?�

Harry turned his head away. �And
I�ll suffer more if you have me make this promise,� he said. �I don�t have time to think of myself right now,
Draco. I�m just too busy. That will come later. A month or two, and maybe you�ll
have found someone you like, at least temporarily, and Hermione and I will have
tracked the Masked Lady down. Then I can rest. But��

�And maybe that won�t happen,� said
Draco, �at least as far as the Masked Lady is concerned. I can promise you that
I won�t have settled down with a new lover. I don�t intend to date anyone else.
I intend to find a way around these marriage vows, and give you as much peace
as I can.

�I do understand the burdens you�re
struggling with, Harry. But I know, too, that you�ll only go on adding them on,
not resting. Your wife will come up with some new crisis, or one of your
children will get sick, or someone will dream up a project that just requires the involvement of the Boy-Who-Lived.
And you�ll agree. You always do. And then will come the day when you can�t get
up anymore, and all the people who are standing on your shoulders and don�t
know it will fall down. You need someone who makes you defend yourself before
it�s too late. That�s what I�m doing.�

Harry said nothing at all. He stood
with head bowed. He wasn�t crying, but there was a pale tinge to his face that
Draco might have thought came from the wound if he didn�t know better.

Draco softened his voice further.
He really, really didn�t want Harry to think that Draco was against him.
Nothing could be further from the truth. He was Harry�s only true ally against
a world that wanted to devour him�other than his children, maybe, but they were
too young to help�and Harry had to keep trusting him.

�Harry Potter, I request and
require that you fight for your own happiness as hard as you�re fighting for
mine.� It wasn�t fair to require him to fight as hard as he was for his wife�s,
Draco thought. If he gave more to her, that was his choice. But Draco would not
allow their efforts, as a pair, to be
unequal.

A
pair. He licked his lips in excitement and longing. That meant more than he
had thought, more than he had thought it could.
He had not expected Harry to fall in love with him long before he was ready to
become Draco�s lover.

But he had, and the marriage vows
were a problem, but not an insurmountable one. Draco refused to let them be.

Harry shivered. �I�ll need your
help,� he said dully, as if that were shameful to confess. �If I start collapsing
under the extra weight, I�ll need your help.� His repetition of phrases seemed
constant and involuntary; they marked his powerlessness more clearly than
anything else Draco had seen tonight.

�You�ll have it,� said Draco, and
kissed him, and, stepping back, dissolved the privacy ward. He continued to
watch Harry in silence for some moments. Harry looked up at him, and though his
eyes remained cloudy and dull, he nodded, once.

That was all the promise Draco required.
Harry Potter had a way of sticking to his vows.

He strolled off gently down the
corridor. Harry would need some time to think about this alone. Draco would
fetch his broom, which he�d abandoned on the outskirts of the school in his
haste to get Harry to the infirmary.

Hope lengthened his strides. He
could do this. They could do this.
They would.

*

Harry waited with his eyes shut for
some time, because he had to. Then he looked up, turned to face the infirmary
doorway, and asked, �How long were you watching, Hermione?�

Hermione stepped into plain sight.
The sling around her right arm made Harry wince, but the look of accusation on
her face went home like an arrow.

He glanced away.

�Long enough to hear that you want
to cheat on your wife,� Hermione said, voice clipped. �Long enough to
understand that you should have stayed far, far away from Draco Malfoy.� She
paused, and took a deep breath.

�You�ll tell Ginny about this,
Harry,� she said. �All of it. Or I
will.�

Harry looked at her then. Her eyes
were full of rejection�not for him, but for that part of him dedicated to
Draco.

She turned and walked away.

Harry stood quite still for a
moment, then began to shift the weight of his commitments again, carefully,
because he had to do it alone.

*

Thrnbrooke: I�m not sure what you
mean. Harry didn�t think he knew the Masked Lady.

Myra: Thank you! I think everything
you mentioned was addressed in this chapter; your review was almost like a
crystal-ball commentary for it. ;)

Mangacat: I see what you�re
implying, but Draco knows Marian, and he knows that she is a small, bitter woman
driven by small, bitter spites. She didn�t manage to act against him openly in years
of marriage; he is pretty sure he would have known if she was plotting a
revolution.

Darquiel: As you can see, Harry is
busy walking the martyr�s path and Draco is as busily undermining it.

Amiyom: Thanks for reviewing!
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I Give You a Wondrous Mirror