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Changing of the Guard	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 58627 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 24
- 25
- 26
Thanks again for all the reviews!

Chapter Twenty-Five�The
Truth

�� For long
moments, Harry sat still, his head lowered, his courage gathering. He was
surprised that Draco did not ask his questions right away, but perhaps he had
sensitivity enough to see how hard this was for Harry and to give him some time
to deal with his own resolution first.

�� Perhaps? He does, and you know it, said
that cold, clear voice. Lie to him about
the connection between the two of you, but it won�t sound very convincing. And I
won�t let you lie to yourself any more.

�� Harry did
have to wonder about that voice. It sounded firmer and more contemptuous of him
than his other personas did. Of course, the other personas didn�t speak to Harry; he voiced them, turned them
outwards and set them like mirrors facing the world.

�� How did
you come to work for Metamorphosis?� Draco asked, evidently deciding that Harry
had had enough time to brace himself. �And why pretend to be Brian?�

�� Harry
sighed shakily. This was one of the things he had known Draco would ask, and
thus one of the truths he knew he would have to tell. But the secret had been
his alone for so long, hoarded like a precious gem, that he had a very hard
time relaxing his grip on it.

Draco stared intently at him, but
said nothing more, and the silence that passed before Harry answered was
punishing and comforting both at once.

�I�I don�t work for Metamorphosis,�
Harry whispered at last. �I own and run it.�

�� Draco
frowned. �And you delegate responsibilities to the Manager?� He cocked his
head. �I suppose I can see why you would do that. You don�t want anyone to know
you�re gay, so you don�t want your name associated with an organization that
does good work for gay people.� His voice grew briefly scathing; Harry winced,
but didn�t try to defend himself. �That still doesn�t tell me why you decided
to play one of his workers, though.�

�� Damn. I will have to come out and say it. �I
don�t�Draco.� Harry looked away from him, staring down at the sheets. He only
realized his hand was shaking when Draco clasped it and rubbed his fingers back
and forth over Harry�s knuckles.

�� That
straightened Harry�s spine. Draco was the one who had gone through a broken
bone and great pain in the last few hours; Harry had no right to shake or break
down or act even weaker than he really was.

�� What is this
terrible secret?� Draco whispered gently.

�� Harry took
a deep breath and answered honestly. It took more courage than he had used to
face Voldemort in the duel in the graveyard. �Not terrible, except maybe in its
size. I am Metamorphosis, Draco. I
play every single person who belongs to it. The Manager was me. If you had
chosen one of the other people I showed you�Purity, say�I would have been him.
Or her.� He looked at Draco, only then realizing he�d been glancing away during
his confession, and waited.

*

�� It felt as
if a firework had gone off in Draco�s brain.

�� No. That isn�t possible�no.

�� Draco
opened his mouth to accuse Harry of lying again, and then paused. The
expression on Harry�s face was quiet, worn, and open, like the expression of
someone who had spent days hiking through a thunderstorm. He made no attempt to
withdraw from Draco, and �� he had
his head tipped forwards slightly, as if he expected anger to break over him,
even welcomed it.

�� This is the truth. Draco felt that as
unshakably as he had felt that Harry�s story about a ten-year passion for him
was a lie.

�� Ten years. Metamorphosis had been active
for ten years. And ten years was the amount of time that Harry had spent in
seclusion, about the time that the �pathetic Potter� rumors had started.

�� It was possible. Barely. If Draco were
willing to credit Harry with supernatural determination, strength of will,
magical power�well, he knew about that one�and learning capability.

�� Metamorphosis
has handled so many cases,� he whispered at last. �There have been so many
different wizards and witches��

�� Every
single one of them me.� Harry smiled; it might have been a wry smile if his
eyes hadn�t been so full of panic. Barely restrained panic, Draco thought, and
realized how much it had cost Harry to tell him this. �That�s why one of our
mottos is �Need a perfect stranger?� I can guarantee that the person you hire
will be a stranger, because they didn�t exist before I made them up.�

�� The motion of his wand when he cast the
Transfigurations on himself. So practiced, as if he had handled this magic for
years.

�� I can�t
imagine the amount of training this must have taken,� Draco said. His voice was
still low and breathy. There was no particular reason for it to be like that;
this was Harry�s house, and surely he would have wards that shut out spies. But
his mind was glassed over, his emotions drowned for the moment. He knew he was
essentially in shock. Even the beat of his own heart, overwhelming in his ears,
felt distant.

�� It took a
lot, yes.� Harry shifted a little, as if compelled to put some distance between
himself and Draco, though he didn�t let go of Draco�s hand. His muscles were
all locked; Draco could see them bunching in his shoulders. �But I wanted to do
this. From the moment I came up with the idea for Metamorphosis and realized
how much fun it could be and how much I could help people, I�ve never wanted to
do anything else. So it was acting lessons and dialect lessons and
Transfiguration lessons and glamour lessons and learning how to choose wigs and
robes and other clothes. Learning to alter the way I walk, my small gestures,
my emotions.�

�� Draco took
a deep breath.

�� And the
reality of the idea exploded on him.

�� Oh my God. Oh my God.

�� The Savior
of the Wizarding World, the Gryffindor who had fought to destroy the shadows
consuming their society so that people might walk honestly in the light once
more and look each other in the face, had also created the most deceptive web
Draco had ever seen or heard of. His father liked to brag about the way he had fooled
the Ministry for fourteen years into thinking that he�d just been under the Imperius
Curse when he�d served the Dark Lord. Compared to this, that was only a
half-meant deception, a secret Lucius had betrayed the moment he found an
appreciative audience who would not betray him in turn.

�� The only
perfect conspiracy was one that was never discovered. And Draco knew of no one
who had even suspected that
Metamorphosis was not real, that the Manager was his workers, or that any of
them was Harry Potter.

�� It was
clever, and more than clever. It took cleverness, cunning, ambition, power, all
the Slytherin traits that Draco had been raised with, and spun them into a web
that it tugged over everyone�s eyes.
The people Draco knew who had used Metamorphosis included a great many Slytherins,
and others who prided themselves on knowing the sheathed-dagger traits of the
pure-blood world and surviving them every single time. They had been just as
fooled as everyone else had been.

�� One small
part of Draco was violently jealous. That Harry had the skills to pull
something like this off, and he didn�t�

�� But the
rest of Draco was flooded with desire.

�� He came
back to himself. Harry was watching him carefully, head tilted back and
nostrils flared and eyes wide. He seemed ready to bolt if Draco had an
unfavorable reaction.

�� Draco
smiled. He cupped Harry�s chin and brought his face closer, kissing him lightly
on the lips, then on the cheek, then behind his ear. Harry gasped a little, his
head drooping and his eyelids fluttering.

�� Mine. Not just him, but everyone he�s ever
played. He held his cool and finished the jobs with everyone else, but I was the one he gave in to. I was the one he told. Even his friends can�t
know, or one of those gossipy Weasleys would have betrayed it by now.

�� Do you
know how much I want you?� he whispered into Harry�s nearest ear, making Harry
squirm, maybe at the words, maybe at the tickling sensation. �I wish my body
was healthier. Lovemaking is the best means of sharing I know, and I want to
share everything about you, with you,
in you.� He felt himself harden and growled a little at the pain that twinged
through his left side when he tried to move. �Maybe you can��

*

�� Harry
pulled back, alarmed. This was definitely not
a normal reaction, and maybe Draco had hit his head on the wall harder than
Harry thought. Besides, they couldn�t just have sex every time one of them felt
the urge. That was stupid.

�� Draco,�
Harry said sharply. �Why aren�t you feeling angry at the moment? Betrayed? You
have a right.�

�� Draco
smiled dazedly up at him, his eyes shining so fiercely Harry thought he looked
drunk. His hand kept moving, sweeping through Harry�s hair and up and down his
neck. Then he brought his other hand, the one that had been clasping Harry�s,
into play, as if he couldn�t get enough of touching him.

�� I�m not
angry,� Draco whispered, �because what you�ve done is beautiful.�

�� Harry just
stared at him.

�� So
deceptive,� Draco went on, his voice working into an actual croon. �You didn�t leave any clues
behind, or a trail. I never would have guessed what was wrong if you hadn�t
confessed it.� He didn�t look angry at admitting his own incapacity, either,
which made Harry flinch. �This�the possibilities are endless, Harry. And you
used them to help other people in your own way, didn�t you? And to play in your own way. This is an endless
game.� His eyes sharpened for a moment. �Mind, I want to know why you chose
this, instead of the life that everyone expected you to have after the war.�

�� Harry�s
breath withered in his throat. Oh, Draco would
choose the hardest question, the one that he doubted he could answer for
anyone, because his justifications would seem impossible or thin outside the
shelter of his mind.

�� Harry? I�m
waiting.� Draco�s face had hardened slightly, though the shine still lingered
in his eyes, and his hands still caressed Harry�s face.

�� It wasn�t�it
wasn�t the life I wanted or could have,� Harry whispered at last. �I found out
I was gay, which cut out marriage and a family.�

�� It doesn�t
have to,� Draco said, so low that Harry could hardly hear him. �There are
children you could adopt.�

�� Harry
stared at him again. �What are you��

�� Well,
never mind.� Draco waved an airy hand, all his attention squarely on Harry. It
was unnerving. Harry had always had the impression Draco was thinking about at
least two things other than him. Now he faced that sole scrutiny, and it hurt. �What
were the other reasons, Harry? I want to know them. I want to be the only one
who knows this much of you.�

�� His words
burned along the edges with strange passion. Harry shook his head, not in
denial but uncomprehendingly. Draco wasn�t reacting right. His own knowledge of Draco gained from observation and from
Pansy and Narcissa said that he should care more about the insult to his pride
than about learning Harry�s secrets. Why didn�t he?

�� Maybe because he�s in love with you, said
the merciless voice.

�� There isn�t a me he can be in love with!
Harry screamed back at it, and only became aware that he�d pulled away from
Draco when the other man�s hands tightened on his shoulder and the back of his
neck, forbidding him from going further. He murmured a few soothing nonsense
words, then said, �Harry? Tell me.�

�� Yes, there is, said the merciless voice.
Me, for a start. And if you try to deny
that you�re on the way to falling in love with him, I shall set your conscience
on you. You could have got him medical help and left him alone. That would have
severed the bond between you if anything could. Instead, you kept him, healed
him, and told him secrets you once swore never to let out. If that is not a
sign on the road to love, what is it?

�� Harry
lifted his head with a gasp, like someone surfacing from quicksand. If he loved
Draco, he thought wildly, then surely he could trust him. He could trust Draco
to listen to a request from him and honor it.

�� I�ll tell
you what made me start Metamorphosis,� he whispered. �I will. But later, Draco,
please. I�d�I�d break down sobbing if I tried, and that would make me very
unattractive, wouldn�t it?� He smiled, trying to banter. Surely, if Draco could
ask for sex at a time like this, he could use humor.

*

�� Draco
studied Harry for a moment, his eyes narrow. Harry looked less like a
frightened rabbit than Draco had thought he would, and more like a man under
torture. His face was pale, his body shaking, his hands clumsy when he reached
out to press his fingers under the place where Draco�s side hurt.

�� Draco knew
he could press his advantage. He could remind Harry that that pain was his
fault, and that Harry owed him the truth. And he thought Harry would break and
confess. Perhaps it would even do him good to get it out in the open at last.

�� But Harry
had asked for more time.

�� And Draco
did not really want to see Harry broken. He had dreamed of Harry surrendering
the truth to him freely, and that was what had happened so far�at least, Harry
must have known there was a possibility that Draco would demand that when Harry
offered him whatever he wanted. This truth, too, should come to Draco freely to
be really valuable.

�� When he tells me, I�ll know he�s mine.

�� Draco
relaxed. Yes. That was important. The myriad selves Harry had just revealed had
made their relationship twenty times more complicated. Harry might easily be
able to fool Draco into thinking their
bond was permanent and then slip away. Or he could show Draco one of the many
other facets of his character and bedazzle him. Draco wanted Harry to step to
his side and bow his head of his own free will. It was the only way to be sure
of him.

�� Of his love. That is what I want.

�� And Draco
fiercely wanted the man who could do this.

�� All right,�
Draco said at last.

�� Harry
lifted his head, and the expression on his face was stunned, beatific. No one
had ever offered him something like this before, Draco thought. He was the
first, again. He felt a surge of smug satisfaction, and then more curiosity.

�� Before he
could ask his next question, though, Harry said, �I�d like�I�d like to kiss you
right now.� He flushed, as if it were asking for a kiss and not all the other
things they�d done since they met which was blush-worthy. �Very much. Please?�

�� Draco
tilted his head back, eager to see what the kiss would be like. �You always
may,� he said.

�� Carefully,
with his eyes open and his face curiously set, Harry kissed him. It was a
light, gentle pressure for long moments. Then Harry tapped on Draco�s lips with
his tongue, and Draco opened them. Harry explored Draco�s mouth in silence,
save for the soft slopping motions of their lips together.

�� And then he
moaned, a sound that seemed to tear
itself out of his guts.

�� The
significance of the moment was not lost on Draco. It was the first real kiss
Harry had initiated wearing his own face, and it was affecting him as none of the
kisses they had performed before�when he was wearing Brian�s face�had done.

�� Another
memory of the last time they had spent in bed together overwhelmed Draco. Strange
that he hadn�t attached much meaning to it at the time.

�� He came when he realized I wanted him.

�� Yes, Harry
was there for the having, if Draco could only find him. And he could give
himself happily, contentedly, to the man who had done this.

�� Harry
pulled back at last, his pupils so dilated that Draco�s erection came back
again; he hoped that Harry would forget about his injury and suggest a short
romp. But Harry cleared his throat and murmured, �What was your next question?
I�ve asked a few and got such pretty answers, it�s only fair I should answer a
few.�

�� Draco
smiled lazily and let his hand skim over the side of Harry�s neck again, hoping
the motion would soothe him whilst he asked a question that was sure to be
painful. �Why haven�t you told your friends about Metamorphosis?�

�� Harry
swallowed. Then he swallowed again, braced an elbow on the bed, and leaned down
towards Draco so that he could have his hair and face stroked. Draco obliged.

�� Harry began
in a shaky voice.

*

�� Careful. I�ve got to make it sound good
without betraying Ron and Hermione�

�� You have to make it the truth, said the
merciless voice. Or are you telling me
that you feel as close to them as ever at this moment, closer than you do to
Draco?

�� His life
would have been more comfortable if he could have kept on lying to himself, anyway, Harry thought, and then
wondered: which portion of himself?

�� But Draco
was waiting, so Harry spoke. �Hermione knew I had started practicing with
glamours and other shape-changing spells in Hogwarts, so I could keep people
from mobbing me,� he murmured, leaning his head on Draco�s shoulder. That left
him alone with the memories, but even that was easier than facing Draco�s gaze
at the moment. �She didn�t like it. She talked to me several times about it,
then she argued, and then she broke down in tears, pleading with me to be
myself, no matter how hard it was. She was afraid that I would lose myself
behind the masks.�

�� And was
she right?� Draco whispered directly into his ear. �Have you lost yourself?�

�� No,� Harry
said strongly. �I haven�t.�

�� Liar,�
Draco sighed. For just a moment, his hand rested heavily on the back of Harry�s
neck instead of stroking. �Tell me the truth, Harry.�

�� Harry
shivered. This was one of those secrets he had wanted to keep back. But telling
Draco what had happened as a consequence of that last year between
Hogwarts and the opening of Metamorphosis was not the same thing as telling him
what had happened during that year itself. Surely.

�� Surely, the merciless voice agreed.

�� I�ve come
close to it, I suppose,� Harry whispered. �I don�t want to be Harry Potter anymore. Everyone thinks they know him, and
no one does. He�s deficient in all the best traits. I want to be the people he�s
not, and that�s one reason I chose as many different personas as I did. I
wanted to be Brian more than I�ve wanted to be anyone in a long time, and I
think that�s why I slipped up. He was close to the idealized image of my self,
the person I would have liked to be if I could.�

*

�� When Harry
began to speak of himself in the third person, Draco went cold. Only great
effort kept his hands moving on Harry�s neck and shoulders, stroking the truth
out of him.

�� Granger may have been right.

�� On the
other hand, why did she forbid Harry from using the masks and the glamours? Obviously,
all that had happened was Harry�s agreeing with her on the surface and then
using the spells in such a way that she wouldn�t find out, and that had
increased the danger of his drifting without an anchor. She should have stood
by him, been someone he could come talk to about it.

�� I will be that person. I want to know him. I
want to know what he�s playing, see how he does it.

�� Draco�s
throat was thick with longing. He wanted to know the real Harry, of course, the
one the man on his shoulder spoke of losing; he must be the origin of all those
traits Harry loved to put in his other personas, and he was so sheltered and
hidden that it would be an honor to be his first contact with the outside world
in a decade. But he wanted to know the other people, too, the personas Harry
became, the flashing, narrow facets of his character that would reflect the
light back like a many-sided gem.

�� How stupid of Granger to give up a chance at
that position.

�� Go on,�
Draco said, and touched his lips to the skin behind Harry�s ear.

�� Harry began
almost babbling. Draco kept the touches of his hands smooth and steady. How long has he wanted to say this? How long
has he had to hold back?

�� I
pretended to agree, she was so upset about it, but I couldn�t stop. And then Ron
found out I was gay, and that came near destroying our friendship, but I locked
him in a room with me and a bunch of Firewhiskey and talked to him about it
until he came around, but I can�t let him find out that I actually have lovers,
because he asked me not to shove it in his face, and he still thinks of other
gay men and women the same way as he always did, and that hurts but he�s Ron and I love him. And Hermione is so caught up in
her causes, in helping house-elves and Muggleborns, and now she has a new baby
on the way, I can�t ask her to take on the burden of helping me, too. And she
would think I needed help if she knew the truth about Metamorphosis. I can�t, Draco, I can�t.�

�� Shhh,
Harry,� Draco said, his arms tightening. Harry lay almost completely on the bed
by now, his breath short and frightened. �I�m not asking you to tell them. I
only wanted to know why you hadn�t.� He paused. �Do you regret that you told
me?�

*

�� Harry
raised his head, sniffling, embarrassed. He had swum entirely in a sea of
self-pity for long moments, when Draco was the one who had been hurt. And now
he was in tears just from the memory, when Draco hadn�t cried at all. It was one
thing to choose an appearance of weakness in front of others, as Harry had in
order to fool Narcissa, and another thing to let anyone see the parts of him
that found the world hard to bear. They deserved to be scorned, but the scorn
would tear Harry apart.

�� No,� he
whispered. �But I�m afraid that you might.�

�� Draco�s
arms tightened again, and he half-rolled, so they were face-to-face. Harry met
his gaze, distantly surprised that it wasn�t as hard as he had assumed it would
be a few minutes ago.

�� Listen to
me, Harry,� Draco whispered. �It seems that you might have lost part of
yourself playing games, yes��

�� Harry began
to struggle. He could bear anything but the actual evidence of Draco�s regret.
He would have to reach his wand, he would have to use a Memory Charm�

�� Listen to me.�

�� You owe him trust, too, the merciless
voice said.

�� Harry took
a deep breath, restraining his panic as he had restrained his tears, and looked
back at Draco.

�� Good,�
Draco said quietly. �Now. You might have lost yourself, but I don�t want you to
have to give up the games. They�re beautiful. I want to see all you can do, to
meet all the people you are.�

�� Harry
reeled as if someone had punched him in the gut. Oh, God. This�it isn�t happening. I don�t deserve so much good fortune.

�� Shut up and listen, said the merciless
voice.

�� I want you
to be able to play them whilst still being yourself.� Draco�s hand slid into
his hair and tightened there. �I want everything for and from you, Harry
Potter. Do you understand me? Some things about you I won�t like, I�m certain,
but I want the chance to dislike them. I want you to trust me. I want you to be
strong in all senses of the word. And I�m going to demand that you make me strong, and that you tell me what you
honestly think of me, and that you give me the chance to demonstrate my trust
in you.�

�� Oh, yes,�
Harry whispered, and then he was kissing Draco again, hovering a little to be
careful of Draco�s wounded side, but frantic to express his emotions and unable
to find any other way. Some of his personas were good with words, but he wasn�t.

�� Oh, yes. I�I hardly dared to even envision
this.

�� Envision it, the merciless voice said. And work hard to deserve it. Use all the
strength that belongs to you, both with you now and distributed among your
personas.

�� That was
the first thing Harry thought the merciless voice had been wrong about, because
once he gave a character trait to a persona he could not call it back to
himself without destroying the persona. But he would worry about that later.

�� For now, he
simply kissed Draco and was happy.

*

�� SoftObsidian74:
I wasn�t sure if you would be able to forgive Harry for physically hurting
Draco. A few people can�t.

�� Harry does
explain a bit of Ron�s perspective in this chapter, and I hope you�ll be
pleased with his openness to Draco.

�� snappy pants:
The ending of this chapter is, I hope, better in the cliffhanger department.

�� avihenda,
Dani, broomrider949, SamuraiSaaya, Noisette, s2kitty, thrnbrooke, Engwaaearien,
momoko: Thanks for reviewing!

�� qwerty: In
this case, the persona is different from the others; it talks back to Harry,
for one thing. So while he hasn�t told Draco the complete truth about
everything, he told him as much as he can.

�� Incessant_Darkness:
I think part of Harry does still exist, or there would have been no reason for
him to slip up when playing Brian; he would have ceased to exist when he
submerged himself in the role. Instead, he made stupid mistakes because of his
attraction to and protectiveness of Draco.

�� As for
crafting himself to fit the needs of others, Harry does that, but he�s never
had to do it for as long as Draco would demand of him; he sees Ron and Hermione
rarely, and plays the other roles for, at most, a few weeks at a time (and
often for just scattered single appearances, or only once). So if he tried to
make himself fit Draco perfectly, Draco would probably notice the cracks in the
persona and demand the real him.

�� Thanks for
reviewing!

�� Calrissian18:
Thanks! Lucius does, in a way, love Draco; he just really sucks at showing it.
Their relationship will be one of the many threads in the second half of the
story.

�� You may be
right about his persona. At any rate, this persona seems intent on fighting for
its own survival instead of just being dismissed whenever Harry wants to�and if
he has to think of it as separate from himself for the time being, maybe that�s
a sign of progress.

�� Lunatic
with a hero complex: If Draco can make him reflect on that, then Harry will
probably start to heal. At the moment, he�s way too focused on the events of
his nineteenth year to care that much about what he managed to achieve in his childhood
and adolescence.

�� kalaway:
Thank you! More has changed than Harry knows, but, of course, it�s very hard to
express that through his POV when he�s unconscious of it.

�� Mangacat:
Mostly, this is Harry�s revelation. He knows that he can�t go on as he has
been, so he will have to choose a different route regardless of what happens.

�� Yume111:
Thanks! I�m glad the fight worked out; I thought a lot of people wouldn�t be
able to forgive Harry for hurting Draco, and there have been a few reactions
like that, but not many.

�� Harry knew
he hurt Draco, that it was his fault. He never thought of abandoning him because
he knew he had to make up for it.

�� And I think
you may be on to something there. If you notice the comparisons Harry makes of
himself to Draco in this chapter, he always shortchanges himself. The
comparisons are a key to what happened to make him want to dive into
Metamorphosis.

�� Heh, I will
not interpret the new persona completely yet.

�� Draco certainly wants a relationship. And
now Harry can admit the possibility that they might have one. He still doesn�t
really believe in it.

�� SP777: Yes,
I think that�s a good summation (in outline) of why Harry did this. He was
taken advantage of, made to feel inadequate, and he grew a very thick, but very
unusual, shell.
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Changing of the Guard