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Why him?	By : imera Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 14815 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and do not make any money writing this story, it all belongs to J.K.Rowling

Chapter List
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I discovered reasonably early on that holding hands, feeding each other and kissing in public was not something Harry and I were capable of doing. Luckily I didn't mind, because I, myself, hate it when I walk by a couple that do such sickly sweet things in front of everyone. Me and Harry, though, we preferred to hide from everyone else in the alcoves in the corridors to make out, and sometimes, if there was enough time, we'd have a go at oral sex. In fact, quite a few times we had managed to actually have a quick shag.
Once Harry was sure it was a real relationship, his mood changed and he had been nothing but a good boyfriend; so if he is so good then why do I feel the urge to fuck someone else? The school would be over soon, and I hadn�t cheated on Harry since we became an official couple, but I knew that I would have to do something soon or else I would loose my mind. Harry kept asking me if I was happy and if I cared for him. At first it was true, but as time passed I had to lie to him. I know I�m a bastard, but how can I ignore who I really am? How can I only stay with Harry when I feel trapped?
Soon enough the school ended and we were free to do practically anything. However, before we could spend the summer doing whatever we wanted, both of us had to go to court against the Weasley bitch; we sat together and waited for our turn to tell them the truth. After two weeks they had finally decided that she was guilty, but instead of sending her to Azkaban they decided to send her to a French convict that could help mentally ill patients. Even though I had hoped for Azkaban I was happy she would finally leave us alone.
I thought that once the case against Weasley was over we would finally have some time to spend together before I would begin my apprenticeship. I had finally reached my goal and gotten a job in the department for magical creatures, but not the one in England; I had set my goals much higher, so now I�m working in the international department. But my hope for a long and passionate vacation together was shortened when Harry had to leave on 'missions' as he called them. I understand that he needs to go out and do his best to end the war, but that shouldn�t mean never seeing me. The least he could do was to give me a weekend.

When I realized that things between us wouldn�t change any-time soon I decided to make the best out of my life, so the first thing I had to do was to go out to a club where I could meet someone that would at least give me seven hours without suddenly disappearing.

The first man I met was a refreshment, and I must admit that it woke up a hunger in me that I didn�t know was so strong. So every damn day Harry was out on his missions, so I would get dressed and go out myself, meeting someone new that could give me something Harry didn't have the time for.
I thought things would stay like that; Harry would be gone for hours each day, sometimes even multiple days, I would go out to a club and hook up with someone new and then we would both meet up again, but not even that was meant to be. Two weeks before the summer holiday was over, Harry came back to me looking thoroughly miserable; I knew at once that it wasn�t a good thing so I embraced myself for the worst.

�I have to leave,� he said. I didn�t look at him.

�When you will back?� I asked him stiffly, knowing that it might be never.
�I don�t know.�

I thought that because I didn�t want to be stuck with him it would be easier to let him go, but the thought of never seeing him again hurt.

The last thing he did before he stepped out the door was give me a big hug, kiss me one last time and tell me he still loved me.
I continued to sit in the same position an hour after Harry was gone, never looking at the door in fear I would break down by the thought that the door handle was the last thing he touched.
Finally, once I'd mustered up the strength, I walked over to the liquor cabinet, where I poured myself a glass of vintage whiskey that Harry had bought for me before he began to disappear. I knew that alcohol wouldn�t solve my problems, but that didn�t stop me from taking the whole bottle with me over to the bedroom. When I finally woke up the next morning I decided that I needed something new, but not a bottle, not even a new affair. I needed to work.
After I spent an hour almost begging my new boss to let me start two weeks earlier, I went straight to work. Every day I stayed longer and worked harder than I needed to. By the end of the next month I had been promoted once, and by November I received another promotion. Working hard did take my mind off of Harry, which was the reason for why I worked my butt off for them.
But work wasn�t the only thing I spent my time on. Every weekend I would put my best clothes on and head out to find someone new I could use for one night.
Soon after my second promotion I realized that, even though it still hurt to think about Harry leaving me, I was mostly over him. After all, I had managed to create a life for myself that I was proud over, a life where I didn�t need to worry about others, but myself. And the second promotion allowed me to travel around the world, which again gave me the ability to find new men and women outside of England. And that was how I made my time pass: work, sex and work.
Christmas came and I spent it at home with my mother, who yet again had invited someone new. Normally I wouldn�t care; I always thought that the men were stupid for falling in love with her, but after experiencing what I thought was love I felt sad for them. After the celebration I excused myself and went back home to my own apartment. Feeling utterly depressed, I found a bottle of vodka and lay down in my bed, a habit I have adopted over the last few months. But unlike an alcoholic, I put the bottle down when it became too much for me and went to sleep, only to wake up the next morning feeling sick.
I know I am pathetic, sitting in my bed and drinking because my boyfriend left me; based on the rumours he was fighting the Dark Lord. Even if he was out saving the world it didn�t weaken my hatred for his actions, why would he want us to be together and then leaving me.
Another month passed and it was February, slowly my mood changed and I became a happier man. I finally thought that my life would finally get back on track so I could live it the way I had planned to before, but then Harry came back into my life.
I was out of the country when I heard the news; the Dark Lord had finally fallen. I guess being a Slytherin gave me a few points in the Dark Lords circle, as well as being pure-blood, and that might be why I haven�t really been involved in the war as others might be. I was lucky enough to live my life the way I wanted. But the news did reach me, and even though I had managed to stay neutral during the war, I couldn�t help but feel happy for the freedom that had been fought for, and won. Mother sent me an invitation for a victory party, which I had to decline because of work.
I couldn�t leave Germany before I had finished the rest of my assignment, which didn�t matter for me because I had nothing back home. At least in Germany I had a chance to hook up with a new man, and I couldn�t leave before I had taken him. On my last day in Germany I took him out to dinner before we went clubbing, and then we headed to my hotel room. As soon as we'd entered my room we began kissing, and clothes disappeared quickly before we both laid down on the sofa, still kissing like there was no tomorrow.
�Blaise?� I thought I was hearing Harry�s voice in my head again so I didn�t react, but Hans proved me wrong. When we were both sitting up I searched the room for the source of the voice, but because it was so dark I couldn�t see anything. Harry must have known because he turned on the lights soon after, which I soon wished he hadn�t, because seeing his face when he saw my date broke my heart.
�Harry, what are you doing here?� I asked, trying to remain calm. Hans looked at Harry a few seconds before he got up from the sofa and gathered his clothes.

�I think I�ll leave,� he said with a German accent; at least he wasn�t stupid.

Not a word was spoken between any of us until after Hans had closed the door behind him. At first I thought Harry would answer my question but when he didn�t show any sign that he would say anything I asked him again.
�What are you doing here, Harry?�
�I wanted see you again, it�s been so long since the last time.� I could hear the sorrow behind his words.
�But it�s over between us Harry.� I could see that he was confused, which confused me as well. I thought that he broke it off with me when he left me, but apparently he didn't think the same.
�I would never do that,� he implored softly. If I wasn�t confused before I sure was now; Harry had been gone for months and hadn't told me where he was. Normally that was considered as a breakup, but apparently Harry didn�t think so at all, which put me in a difficult position.
�When you�re gone for months without a single word you can�t expect me to wait for you, Harry,� I said coldly, surprised at how easy it was to tell him what I thought.
�I guess I shouldn�t have thought that you were different because you'd finally decided to stay with me.� Harry's face was expressionless, but his eyes told a different story. However, his last comment had angered me that I forgot about the misery behind his eyes.
�Of course, I�m the one that destroyed our relationship," I started cynically. "You didn�t do a thing to drive me away, did you? While we were living together I was the one who was gone for hours each day without telling you where I went, or when I would be back, wasn't I? And I suppose I was the one who didn�t tell you what was happening, and in the end I was the one who'd decided to leave without telling you where I would go and what I was doing.�
�I couldn�t tell you, Blaise, I didn�t want to put you in danger,� Harry said firmly.
�You could at least tell me you would be going after the bloody Dark Lord, Harry! Or did you think that piece of information would get me killed?�
Harry looked outraged. �You weren�t that much better, Blaise, sneaking around and flirting with guys and girls in the open." I narrowed my eyes at this, and he elaborated. "That�s right, you were seen.� It did come as a shock to me that Harry knew, but since he didn�t accuse me for more than flirting I supposed he didn�t know about me fucking them. Either way, I wasn�t going to tell him.
�That�s because you ignored me, Harry,� I reasoned. Harry looked as though he was about to say something else, but instead he closed his mouth and looked down at the floor. After another moment or two he looked up at me.

�I'm going back home," he said shortly. "If you decide you want to be with me then you have until tomorrow at lunch. If you don�t want to be with me then don�t show up, and I�ll take my things and leave you forever. I won�t try to force you into something you don�t want to do be in.�

I knew I should say something, but I didn�t want to ruin the moment between us, so I kept my mouth shut while Harry walked over to the fireplace and flooed back to our apartment.
As soon as he was gone I grabbed a pillow and threw it at the fireplace in ire. How Harry annoyed me sometimes! How could he just expect everything to be as it was before he left me without a single word?
I could feel the rage building inside me, and it told me to stay in Germany until Harry was completely gone, but then the other part of me, which ached to touch Harry, told me to go over at once and kiss him. But did I really want to put myself in the same position as before? Did I want to give Harry another chance to hurt me?
The decision was quite easy; I didn�t want to be hurt again. So I grabbed a bottle of brandy and headed for the bed.
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