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Harry Potter and the Expert Potions Master	By : SickPuppy Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 21308 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 24
- 25
- 26
Chapter 24 - Exchanging Presents

Harry entered Spinner's End and looked around. He had finally reached the Christmas holiday, today being his final day of training before the new year. Snape was obviously in the laboratory as there was no sign of him in the main living room. Tired as he was from a hectic day, Harry sank into the spare chair and picked up a potion making magazine. He was deep into an article on the relative benefits of replacing porcupine quills with stripped crows' feathers when he became aware of the older man's presence.

He looked up and smiled ruefully. “I thought you'd want to finish off whatever you were working on,” he said.

Snape prowled closer. “Indeed.” He glanced down at the magazine, “And at least you have been making good use of your time.”

Snape settled in his chair and listened as Harry recounted the details of his day. In return he explained that the personal shield was still causing problems.

“I may have to accept it just won't ever happen.” Harry said.

A long silence fell.

Harry frowned fiercely at the rug, a faint blush on his cheeks as he chewed at his lower lip. Too lost in his own whirling thoughts, he didn't look up at Snape nor notice that he was being scrutinised by the older wizard.

The potions master eventually stood up and looked intently down at Harry. “What is it?” he asked.

Harry stood up, sighing. Snape always knew. “I was thinking about - about what I am and what that means for my future.” He twisted his fingers into his shirt before bursting out. “It sucks! I won't ever get the chance to have children, or have people be glad that I've found someone who makes me happy or even be able to ever be honest!”

Very quietly, Snape spoke, “That sounded like you've found someone. Have you?”

Shaking his head, Harry chewed his lip. “I - I wish I knew. I just don't think it could ever happen!”

“Why not?”

“He doesn't feel the same way.”

“You're sure?”

Miserably, Harry stared fixedly at the worn carpet. “I'm sure. He likes … women.”

Snape took a half step closer and stuck one thin finger under Harry's chin so that he could see the tear-filled green eyes. “Does it always have to be one or the other?” He moved his finger and the younger wizard kept looking at him. Considering his words carefully, the potions master questioned, “Have you tried talking to him?”

A shake of the head was his answer.

“Then how can you be so sure?” The question was asked so kindly, with such warmth, that Harry felt wild hope surging inside him, but he soon damped it down.

“Imagine if it were you. Would you say yes to me? You loved my Mum; you wouldn't ever be interested in me, would you? So, why would you … or - or anyone like you care? There's someone who matters to you, who has always mattered to you, and could I ever compete with that? Of course not.” Smothering a despairing moan, Harry dropped his face so that his forehead rested against Snape's chest. He could hear the other man's pounding heart and longed to be able to do more than just stand there and wait to be rejected.

There was another long, very long, silence.

Snape had been shocked by the vehemence and pain in Harry's voice, but he hadn't missed what the other man had quite clearly been telling him. He knew the details of Harry's life so knew that there was no-one on the training programme that Harry felt anything approaching lust for, and Snape had wondered over and over again if Harry's affection for him might one day turn into something else. Perhaps it had and Severus simply hadn't realised and now Harry had flung out his desperation expecting to be rejected because what else could the younger man expect from the man who had loved Harry's mother for his whole life? Keeping himself safe from Harry had back-fired rather spectacularly. Now, at last, he needed to make a move.

He froze. What if he had misunderstood Harry? What if really, after all, there was someone else that Harry felt that wild deep passion for? Could he risk the tiny amount of hope left in his life on Harry?

Finally, tentatively, Severus Snape reached up and closed his hand quite gently around Harry's upper arm. His long fingers curled over the black material of Harry's robe and tightened very slightly, but he said nothing.

Still leaning against Snape's chest, Harry felt the continued frantic thumping of the older wizard's heart. It wasn't calming down. When Snape's hands had touched the cloak obscuring Harry's skin it had sped up becoming almost a panicky staccato throbbing against the trainee Auror's head.

When Snape spoke, his voice was croaky and full of tension. “I think,” he began slowly, “that if you opened your heart to another man, and he turned you down, it would only be because of fear.” That annoying streak of honesty in him propelled him to add, hating himself, “Or he truly didn't feel the same.” Harry drew in a gasping breath. “But you can't live your life as a coward and fear pain. Even if the other man doesn't want you in the same way, you could still find happiness.” Snape was struggling to find a way to reassure Harry but also be honest about love in general. His own experience of it had been of a painful emotion that had brought him only despair, and he didn't want that for this young man. But how to tell him without risking his heart?

Harry himself found the way.

“You never told my Mum how you felt, did you?” he asked, looking into the dark eyes. When Snape shook his head, Harry went on, “Why don't you pretend she's me? I'm her son. Confess everything you feel about Lily.”

Snape shook his head again. “I could never do that. You are not Lily. Nor are you James. You are you, Harry.” It was such a simple statement, and yet so important and it made the Auror catch his breath. “And Harry, you deserve to know the truth.”

Freeing himself from the intense gaze by pulling away, Snape sat down abruptly in his chair. Harry dropped to his knees facing the potions master. Gathering his thoughts and feelings, Severus struggled for coherency. “I loved Lily. She was the epitome of all that I was not. My home life was miserable, but she had loving parents and a loving sister. She belonged and was wanted. It was apparent to me from an early age that I was unwanted and even feared by my father for the magic I possessed that he didn't. Watching her, I saw a life I wanted for myself: one where I could belong and be accepted. And your mother did accept me. It never mattered to her how badly looked after I was, she wanted to know the boy hidden inside, and I wanted to know the hidden girl.

“When she died I truly longed for death myself. And as time went on, I idolised her more and more. Don't mistake me, she was a wonderful woman, a powerful witch, and a compassionate human being, but I placed her on a pedestal, as an item to worship and closed myself off from any chance of happiness or real love.

“But even idols have to eventually fall.” Snape stopped. He couldn't go on. To him it was clear that a living man had replaced the ghost of a memory; surely Harry would understand that?

Harry, his heart twanging painfully, lifted himself up so that his face was level with Snape's. Needing all his courage, he let one of his hands lie on Snape's. Snape turned his hand palm up, and speechless, unwatched by them, their hands entwined. Green eyes stared deeply into black eyes and both understood the weird connection that had kept them writing to one another, even when far too busy; the weird connection that had made Harry's heart leap at the sight of Snape's writing and his body tingle at the thought of the other man; the weird connection that had brought Snape himself back from the dead.

Eyes locked and held for a long moment of silence as their hands tightened together. Neither one glanced down at their palms and neither spoke. There was just an intense quiet that seemed to be filled with all the suppressed emotions they had tried to conceal. A slight smile twitched at the corner of the older wizard's mouth – not a smile of amusement or derision, but one of genuine pleasure and astonishment that what he had wanted was not just within reach, but that he was actually touching it.

Feeling his confidence beginning to re-assert itself, Harry leant in and kissed Severus Snape for the first time. At first he just brushed his dry lips against the older man's gently smiling ones, lightly touching and sliding off to one side to kiss a cool cheek, then back, kissing more firmly and feeling Snape's mouth loosen further, beginning to welcome him. He kissed the other cheek before coming back a third time and pressed his mouth full to Snape's, wanting so much more than just this touch.

Snape began kissing him back – his mouth pressing to meet Harry's, opening his lips to taste Harry even more. Harry let his mouth open and clutched at Snape's cloak with his free hand as their tongues touched for the very first time. His head was spinning with the intensity of the touch. His cock was a hard throbbing presence between his legs. This, this, was how a kiss was meant to feel!

Harry tilted his head so that they could deepen their connection and felt a jolt of electric pleasure shoot through him when Snape slid his free hand into Harry's hair, cupping the back of Harry's head and holding him in place as his mouth was thoroughly claimed.

Eager for the other man's touch, Harry pressed closer, wondering if Snape was hard. The very idea made him excited and nervous. He nudged in, wriggling so that the older wizard's thighs parted, granting Harry access and the kiss continued throughout.

When Harry began to feel light-headed he reluctantly pulled away and panted. “Need oxygen!”

Snape's lips were deep red and full from the bruising force of their shared kiss. He pressed his trembling lips to Harry's throat, feeling the pulse racing there, searching for the calm that had saved his life over and over again.

They stayed close, neither quite sure of the next move. Harry licked at Snape's neck, liking the taste of salt there. He asked hesistantly, “What happens now?”

Snape's fingers tightened in Harry's hair as he considered and struggled to control himself. His breathing was harsh against Harry's skin; his body radiating fierce heat. The many layers he wore hid the exact state of his own arousal from Harry, although he could feel the hardness Harry sported when the younger man moved, almost rubbing himself against Snape's inner thighs.

“What do you want?” Snape asked, voice low.

Kissing along Severus' neck, Harry's lips shook. It took a few seconds before he answered. “I – I don't know. Everything. But, but I don't know how we ...”

“You've not thought about how you would have sex with another man?” Severus was vaguely surprised; Harry had shown himself to be far more interested in research recently, certainly Snape thought Harry had at least done a little investigation into sex.

Snape could feel the blush on the younger man's face.

“I – I have. But it's not something I've done.”

The older man considered. “I can't say I've ever done it either. But I understand the basic premise. I would imagine that the act of penetration is uncomfortable if not prepared thoroughly for...”
“That's what I keep worrying about,” Harry butted in, blushing scarlet, “I – I've tried to get used to the feeling, but, but mostly it just feels uncomfortable. I want to have that happen, but I don't want to be hurt.”

“There's a long way to go before either of us is ready for sex.” Snape said, astonished by Harry's admission. He knew, whatever Harry wanted, it was much too early in this new stage of their relationship to be considering something as intimate and unforgettable as sex.

“Are you not … erm … interested?”

Severus smiled against Harry's neck. “I'm very interested. So interested that it aches. But a relationship is based on more than just a physical connection.” He paused, “From what you said earlier it is a relationship you want, isn't it? Not just sex?”

“Yes,” Harry answered quietly, “Yes, I want more than just sex. Although, right now, I'm not so sure.”

Freeing the hand that was still held by Harry, Snape slid it between their flushed bodies and stroked it over the material stretched tight across Harry's erection.

“Oh!” Harry gasped throwing his head back, eyes shut. Ginny had made him release once, but this was something else. Merely the sensation of Snape's hand close to that most crucial part of him was enough to make him catch his breath and cling on desperately to stop his release.

Severus rubbed his palm along the trouser, sometimes rotating his hand so that the zip scraped along the younger man's shaft.

Harry clawed wildly at Snape's robes, incoherent cries tumbling from his lips. His hips thrust frantically, his end leaked continuously as he almost mewled with intense pleasure. Shaking hands gripped the black folds as he pressed shaking lips to Snape's neck. “Pl - please,” he whispered, voice cracking with the agony of arousal, “Pl - please!”

“Come for me,” Severus said.

And that voice saying those words, the same words he had once imagined, pushed Harry past all endurance. He shrieked and spurted. Fluid oozed down his length, darkening his trousers and he sagged against a solid shoulder, whimpering as the tension snapped.

Severus continued rubbing along the dick, enjoying the twitches and judders Harry made as he felt the waves of pleasure cresting over him, but too tired to pull away from a touch that hurt in its intensity.

After drifting for a few minutes, Harry pushed himself off Snape's shoulder and asked, “Can I do anything for you?” He couldn't bring himself to meet the other man's eyes, and a dusky blush dusted his cheekbones.

Snape shifted a little. “I would appreciate a hand,” he admitted and could only stare in wonder as Harry enthusiastically undid buttons and filled his grip with Snape's thick penis. It was slick with fluid, the tip deep red and fully freed from the foreskin. Harry looked, comparing: Severus was thicker than he was (his ass clenched at the exciting and terrifying thought of that length pushing into him) and had a curve at the tip. He liked that curve, he decided as he rubbed his thumb over the slit, smearing liquid over the top and onto the shaft itself.

Watching the man's hips jerk as Harry tugged on the cock was the sexiest thing Harry had ever seen.

Severus' hand that was still in Harry's hair gripped and pulled Harry close. They kissed forcefully, tongues lashing at one another as their shared excitement grew. Harry's own cock hadn't softened fully and was now close to full hardness again. Between them, Snape's hand rubbed at him and they rocked their hips, wanting the release so much that the kiss became sloppy, tongues sliding along, their tongues' movements matching their cocks.

Snatching his mouth away, Snape gasped and gave a low cry. His seed gushed over Harry's hand and onto his shaft. At his climax Snape had tightened the awkward grip he had had on Harry's still covered dick. That had been enough for the younger man to snap his hips forward and spill again.

Severus rested his forehead against Harry and they just panted together. When Harry felt able to think properly he nestled into Snape's chest, one cheek pressed against a hard shoulder blade.

“You – you really want this?” he asked, voice a little shocked.

Snape stroked Harry's messy black hair. He wasn't given to soppy declarations, although he supposed that Harry deserved, just once, to know how much Severus wanted the younger man. “Yes,” he said quietly, “for a long time now.”

“How long?”

Snape considered. Just when had he realised that his feelings for Harry went deeper than simple gratitude that his life had been saved? “Perhaps, always.” he admitted, feeling that the passion he had felt for Lily had merely been preparing him for her son. “But, I wasn't aware myself until earlier this year.”

Harry rubbed his nose against the black cloak. “I – I used to dream about you,” he confessed. “I didn't know at the time who I was dreaming about, just that I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anyone.”

They were silent, each soaking in the sudden change in their worlds, and finding that although everything had shifted, suddenly everything had fallen into place.
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Harry Potter and the Expert Potions Master