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Broken Wings	By : Drarry-Lisa Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 4083 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other characters/things/places created by J.K. Rowling. I make no money from my fan-fiction.

Chapter List
- 24
- 25
- 26
Chapter 25
Insane Love
The next few days elapsed quietly. Potion making kept Draco distracted from depressing thoughts. He struck a deal with another coven of vampires and celebrated with Harry by going out for dinner.
He tried to bury his desire for their kids and he tried to forget his need for Harry's love and for the most part he was successful. His efforts got ruined on the fifth day, though. The thoughts that he had tired to bury deep inside his mind came to the forefront and everything went to hell.
He was having an off but Harry was still setting up his academy. He was getting pamphlets printed to get them distributed. Draco was bored and depressed and so he decided to go for a walk. So here he was, in the garden, walking. When he saw a family of four, he stopped to look at them. The couple was playing with their children and were so happy. He could imagine himself with Harry and his kids and felt a lump in his throat. Harry had tried to get him to talk about his sadness but Draco had avoided the topic. He had not answered Harry's questions and had tried to forget everything. Of course, things did not just solve automatically.
He resumed his walk and stuck his hands in his pockets, thinking about his dream. Lily and Teddy had been so cute, so like Harry and him. He yearned for them. He had wanted to share the dream with Harry. He had wanted to show the dream to him through Leglimency but had decided against it since it would hurt Harry too much. The look that dawned on Harry's face whenever he looked at little kids had not escaped Draco's notice.
He had invented the potion which had made male pregnancy possible years ago. It was quite a comfortable potion. Since Male body was not made for bearing children, the potion created a temporary womb and he had also invented spells to conceal the bloated stomach from everyone's eyes. It was so ironical that he could not have kids and all due to his stupid insecurities.
Coming upon a stream, he stopped and started throwing pebbles in it, his mind whirling with the images of what could have been, had he been a normal human being. It would have been so bloody easier. Harry would have been happier. In fact, he did not have any right to stop Harry from having kids.
Harry would never let him go. He deserved to have a man who would be capable of giving every kind of happiness to him. But Harry would never agree, as long as Draco was alive. Harry deserved better.
He threw another pebble and stared at the ripples it created. Their was only one way to secure Harry's happiness. He threw the last pebble and turned towards home.
He would have to die. He needed to die so that Harry would move on. He had no right to destroy Harry's life along with his. Harry would be happier with someone who was not so insecure, who could embrace happiness and keep Harry happy as well.
This time no one would be able to stop the inevitable from happening and he would leave Harry in peace. With these thoughts in his mind, he unlocked his door. Surprisingly, their were no tears in his eyes. He went inside the kitchen and decided to do it the muggle way. But first, first he wanted to remember Harry and his eyes, his smile, his innocence and his beauty, his honesty.
Draco had struck the deal with the vampire coven the day next to his confrontation with Harry and his friends and had not wanted to make a big deal out of it. But Harry had been so proud of him and had taken him to celebrate in the most expensive restaurant of France. He had expressed his pride innumerable times that day. Draco had never known that Harry could change so much.
Many a time, when Draco over worked at night, Harry had brought his breakfast in bed the next morning. He shared his achievements , his dreams with Draco and Draco was so happy with him. But the fact that he could not even give kids to him was eating him from inside. The longing that he saw on Harry's face to make love to him was killing him.
It was not that Draco had a problem with bottoming. Harry had given him the option of topping until but Draco had refused. He was not ready for sex. Harry had been so sweet when he had told him that their was no dominant or submissive between them. Draco had known this of course but still Harry had been very soft and gentle while explaining these things and Draco had been relieved.
Draco's love for Harry had just increased after this.
He looked at the rack of knifes and smiled. Harry was fond of cooking and had brought knives of various sizes. He picked up the biggest knife and scratched the pulse on his wrist. It hurt, of course so his eyes became wet with tears. The scratch bled and he closed his eyes to try again.
His eyes shot wide open when a wand clattered on the floor and the knife almost slipped from his hand, scratching his wrist. It started bleeding though it was nothing life threatening. No. Harry's eyes which were wide open were more threatening then the little cut on his wrist. They were green and furious, actually no, furious was the wrong word, they were absolutely and utterly mad.
XXXX
Harry was worried about Draco. Actually it was an understatement because his concern for Draco knew no bounds. Draco had gone into silent zone. Many a time, Harry had noticed him looking sadly at the ceiling. He had refused to share it with Harry.
Five days had elapsed and nothing had changed. Nothing Harry did could bring unconstrained happiness on his face. It seemed that his past did not stop haunting him. He had known that something would go wrong. One could just call it a feeling. He had a very strong feeling today and he had taken time to look at Draco before leaving their bedroom. Draco had sat near the window, staring at the sky quietly and he looked beautiful. His hair were unkempt and he was still in his nightclothes. Harry had placed Draco's breakfast on the bed. Draco had slept late again. He had a target and had to complete it.
He had tried to convince him to hire some help to keep his records and maintain the lab but Draco had refused making an excuse of being capable of doing everything alone. The real reason was that Draco did not want any company. He was ashamed of himself. He could not look into anyone's eyes except Harry.
He had been fidgeting ever since he had left home and so he decided to leave early today. He had just completed furnishing his academy. It was ready now. He could start the classes. His mind was too upset to be happy, though. So he hurried home, having decided to design the pamphlets at home itself.
One could call it anything, good luck or co incidence. Had he been a minute late, he would have lost the only person who kept him sane.
The main door of his house was open and his alarm increased. When he entered and looked around, he found the kitchen door closed, which was odd. So he decided to look into the kitchen first.
He opened the door and their was Draco, standing near the kitchen table, attempting to slit his wrist with the biggest knife of their kitchen. His heart raced and his wand clattered on the floor. His eyes shot wide open.
He was angry, no actually he was mad, too mad to realize the prudence of anything he was about to do.
"Dr- Draco." He whispered. His voice broke and his panic showed itself. The images of a bleeding Draco swam in his mind. Draco could do anything if he was left alone. Earlier he had tried to hang himself and today he was trying o slit his wrist. How could Harry be their to always protect him?
"Dr- Draco." He whispered again because their were no words to explain his thoughts.
Draco looked at him in alarm and placed the knife on the kitchen slap "Harry. I can explain."
"You tried to-" Harry started but broke off because their was no way to express his madness at that moment. He was furious, worried and just so pathetically helpless at that moment. Their was no way to save Draco from himself.
"Harry. I am fine. Please calm down." Draco repeated and a laugh bubbled low in his throat. He laughed hard and loud. He must have looked mad, laughing with fury in his eyes because Draco's eyes shot wide open in alarm. Draco was asking him to calm down. How does one calm down when he returns home to find his love, his life trying to kill himself?
"Calm down." he murmured and walked towards Draco. He was trembling with fury. It had been years since he had felt such fury coarse throughout his body. "CALM DOWN. BLOODY CALM DOWN." He screamed at the blonde and pulled his hair frantically. "JESUS CHRIST." He shouted and slammed his hands on the slap.
"Harry. PLEASE CALM DOWN." Draco shouted and Harry slammed his hands angrily on the slap again and again, shouting at the top of his voice "I CAN NOT CALM DOWN. I CAN NOT LIVE IN A CONSTANT FEAR OF LOSING YOU, YOU SELFISH MAN."
"SELFISH. I AM NOT SELFISH . I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY." Draco screamed and Harry looked at him, wild laughter bubbling in his throat again. "Harry. Please calm down." Draco was on the verge of panic now but Harry was too mad.
"YOU ARE SELFISH. YOU DO NOT EVEN CARE ABOUT ME. HOW WILL I LIVE WITHOUT YOU. YOU COWARD. BLOODY PATHETIC COWARD." He shouted angrily and tears of rage and helplessness streaked down his eyes. "HOW AM I BLOODY SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS BE AROUND TO SAVE YOU. YOU ARE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, LEAVING ME TO MY OWN DEVICES. BLOODY COWARD."
"I am not a coward. I want you to be happy and I am too broken. I-" Draco spoke softly and Harry shouted "SHUT UP. DO NOT UTTER THIS WORD EVER AGAIN IN FRONT OF ME. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. YOU ARE A BRAVE MAN."
"I can not even HAVE SEX WITH YOU. I AM BROKEN AND-"
Harry slammed his hands on the slap again and shouted angrily "SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. DO NOT SAY SUCH THINGS. YOU- YOU COWARD, YOU UTTER AND ABSOULTE SELFISH COWARD. HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO LEAVE ME ALONE?" and merlin, his face was wet and too hot in rage. He had never been so angry. Never had he felt such madness course throughout his body.
"YOU WILL GET HURT. STOP THIS MADNESS. " Draco screamed and Harry glared at him.
XXXX
Draco was afraid because Harry was behaving too wildly. He ignored Draco's warning and trembled with fury and madness. He pulled his hair and turned to slam his hands on the kitchen slap yet again.
"GOD DAMNIT. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL SHOULD I DO TO GAIN YOUR TRUST?" He shouted and Draco's heart raced because he trusted Harry and so he said so "I trust you. Of course, I do."
"SHUT UP AND STOP LYING." Harry shouted at his face, his face red and his hands shaking in rage.
"I am not lying." Draco started and Harry clenched his hand and slammed his fist on the slap "I SAID SHUT UP." And Merlin, Harry's hands were red and he murmured "You will get hurt. Stop this madness Harry. "
"MADNESS. You are calling this madness, Draco." His voice was soft but no less dangerous. "THIS IS NOT FUCKING MADNESS." Draco was jumped in surprise when Harry shouted abruptly. "You don't even stop to think what your death will do to me. Just return and kill yourself, eh? The end. Harry can go to ruddy hell. It does not matter that I can not live without you. It does not matter that I will go insane, INSANE WITHOUT YOU. IT DOES NOT FUCKING MATTER THAT I, HARRY POTTER-" Harry slapped his own chest so hard that Draco swallowed and tried to speak but Harry beat him to it "-WILL NOT LOVE ANYONE EXCEPT YOU, NO MATTER WHAT. NO, WHAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU THINK THAT-" Draco jerked when Harry poked his chest with his finger, tears streaming down his eyes " -THAT I WILL BE HAPPY WITH YOU GONE, THAT I WILL BE HAPPIER WITH ANOTHER MAN. IT DOES NOT MATTER THAT YOU ARE MY LIFE, MY STRENGTH, MY EVERYTHING, THAT YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE, THAT NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE YOUR PLACE IN MY LIFE OR MY HEART. WHAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU WANT ME TO BLOODY MOVE ON."
All the while, Harry poked his chest and compelled him move until his back was against the wall.
Abruptly, Harry's voice became soft and dangerous "Do you know how it feels to watch your love, your life hang himself to death Draco? You don't because I have never attempted it. I also have my demons and I used to drink to forget them. The fear that someone would sneak inside my bath has never left me. The fear that someone might unlock my door and attempt to undress me has never left me but I stopped drinking because you did not want me to. I tried to find the strength to get over it in you, YOU BLOODY COWARD." Draco flinched when Harry shouted "YOU ARE MY LIFE, MY EVERYTHING. WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I DON'T TRUST ANYONE EXCEPT YOU. I NEVER HAVE AND I NEVER WILL."
And then Harry spun around very suddenly. He did not give him even a single moment to react.
"And now, Draco." Harry spoke very softly. Draco had been quiet so far because Harry had been right. But now, he was worried so he tried to walk towards Harry "Harry, what-"
"Now, I will make you feel the same agony I go through when you attempt to kill yourself. I will make you understand that I love you, that I love you enough to go insane, to die, to - to leave everything for you and then you can follow me Draco. But I-" Harry whispered, his face wet with tears, his voice hoarse from shouting and his eyes mad and wild. He was a picture of madness and Draco moved towards him in concern "I am sorry, Harry. Please." He was alarmed by Harry's statement and wanted to prevent him from taking any rash decisions but it happened too fast, too fast for him to stop.
"I am turning the tables, Draco. I- I am going because I can not live in this constant fear, the fear that one day I will return and you will be gone, gone somewhere I can not follow you. I am going and then you can follow me if you wish but- but I won't have you LEAVE ME ALONE IN THIS - THIS PATHETIC CRUEL WORLD." Harry shouted at the end and very suddenly, picked the knife that Draco had used and slit his own wrists.
TBC
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Broken Wings