Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

I Understand	By : LMG67 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 9627 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Author Notes
- 2-Revelation
- 3-Grief
- 4-Horror
- 5-Thoughts
- 6-Anger
- 7-Training
- 8-Explanation
- 9-Expressions
- 10-Thinking
- 11-Tower
- 12-Pain
- 13-Seperate
- 14-Questions
- 15-Tears
- 16-In their own words
- 17-Tantrum
- 18-Sorrow
- 19-Darkness
- 20-Light
- 21-Passion
- 22-Breath
- 23-Suspicions
- 24-Iggy
- 25-Fear
- 26-Decisions
- 27-Understanding
- 28-Draco
- 29-Harry
- 30-Fallout
- 31-Accidents...
- 25
- 26
- 27
DECISIONS

Harry had always been one of those people who, when they awake, never had any problems with the
fuzziness of the mind that others’ experience. When he woke that was it, it was like a light switch
had been turned on inside his head. When Harry was awake, he was awake, but when he slept, he
slept like a log. Deader than a doornail, as his cousin Dudley used to say.

So, when Harry awoke the next morning, he could tell without looking that the person in his bed was
Draco Malfoy and he knew that the others must have found somewhere else to spend the night as
both Ron’s and Neville’s snoring were absent.

Reluctantly he opened his eyes and the sight that met them took his breath away. He felt it catch in
his throat as he saw Draco sleeping next to him. God, the man was beautiful, he thought.

Draco was a light sleeper so when he felt Harry jerk he was instantly awake as well. He kept his
eyes closed and held his breath because he did not know how the other boy was going to react to him
in his bed.

Harry noticed that Draco’s hair was not in its usual perfection, the scowl that normally graced his
face was absent, and his mouth, with its full bottom lip, was slightly open. They were on their sides
facing each other and Draco’s hands were in the prayer position under his cheek. All in all he looked
like an angel, a deadly angel, but a beautiful one at that.

Harry scowled at the sleeping boy. Draco was deadly and Harry needed to remember that. Draco
could destroy him with a glance, a word, or nothing but his silence if he let him and this scared
Harry to death. He sighed and his breath pushed a lock of the other boy’s fine blonde hair over his
eye. He had to force himself not to reach out and move it back behind his ear.

“M'ifreann mo pharthas,” Harry whispered as he gave into the temptation and reached up and
gently moved the hair from his face and tucked it behind Draco’s ear. He let his finger trail down the
other boy’s cheek and he felt the shiver that went through the other boys’ body.

This was all too much for Harry to handle and he tried to get up without waking the sleeping boy.
He couldn’t stand to be this close to him; it hurt, physically, mentally, and emotionally. At his first
movement he heard Draco mummer his name and he turned to look into the sleep filled eyes of the
one he loved.

Harry froze briefly but then continued to get up from the bed. He walked to his trunk and getting out
his clothes for the day, loose pants and a sleeveless tank top, he dressed ignoring the boy on the bed.
He turned when he heard Draco finally get up and his mouth dropped and began to water. Draco
was wearing his old pair of sweatpants!

“Harry,” Draco began as he walked towards him the shy smile tearing at Harry‘s heart. Harry
steeled himself for what he was about to do. I’m sorry, he thought to the boy, please, forgive me.

“What do you want Malfoy?” Harry interrupted in a cold unforgiving tone. Draco’s shy smile faded
to be replaced with a look of confusion and then rage. Harry turned from him to finish getting
dressed; he couldn’t look at him. It hurt too much.

Draco said nothing as he watched Harry getting dressed. He was confused, hurt, and so angry right
now he wanted to hex him. He felt his fury grow and he lashed out in his need to get it out.

He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at Harry and drawled, “why do you think I am here?”

“I don’t know Malfoy, hence the reason I asked.” Harry said coldly sitting down to tie his trainers.

Draco raised up to his full height and stared at Harry before answering biting his lip to keep it from
trembling and to help keep his voice calm and even, “we need to talk.”

“Really? And what makes you think I want to talk to you Malfoy?” Harry asked keeping his face
lowered so that Draco didn’t see how much this was hurting him. His heart was pounding and he felt
lightheaded but he refused to stop this. He had made up his mind. Draco had tried to deny the bond
so that meant he didn’t want it. Harry was going to do this, no matter what. Harry stamped down the
voice screaming in his head to stop this.

“Why are you doing this?” Draco asked sharply.

“What happened last night?” Harry asked softly. He didn’t want to know but he needed too. He
rested his arms on his knees and stared at the floor refusing to look up.

Draco caught his breath. What was he suppose to say? It was obvious that Harry knew exactly what
had happened, didn‘t he? So, why was he asking?

He wants you to tell him. Tell him Draco or you could lose everything.

I can’t

Wimp

You don’t understand

Don’t I?

No

Oh, but I do my dear boy. You are scared and you are afraid to tell him that. He won’t think
any less of you, you know

But what about what I think of myself? Doesn’t that matter?

And you think admitting your fear is somehow weak?

Isn’t it?

No. Draco it isn’t, it takes a strong man to admit that they fear something. Funny I always
thought of you as strong

I am

Then be strong

Ok

“None of your business.” Draco snapped as he turned to gather his clothes. He didn’t see Harry’s
head fly up at that and the lost, hurtful look he gave him. Slowly the look faded from Harry’s face to
replaced by the cold emotionless mask that had graced it weeks ago but had been completely absent
since last Sunday night. His eyes, that had if not been his usual vibrant green lately, now deadened
to a dull listless green.

Harry stood and walked from the room. Draco turned as the door closed softly. He let out a sound
that was a cross between a sob and Harry’s name and sank to the floor. Laying his head in his arms
he asked himself for probably the hundredth time, why this was happening. He was happy, well as
happy as he could be, with his life before this thing with Harry. And now, Harry hated him and
Draco couldn’t stand it.

Not exactly what I meant

Leave me alone. You’ve caused enough trouble as it is

Thing is son, you have caused yourself more grief now. It will take more than ‘I am sorry’ to
fix this

Good since I don’t care

Liar

Leave me alone!

As you wish, but I warned you Draco. Hard times are ahead because of your decision today. I
hope that you are as strong as you think you are to deal with the consequences

He tried to think back to a time where he was, if not happy with his life, at least satisfied at the way
it would turn out and couldn’t think of it. Harry was his life now and it seemed that everything that
had come before two weeks ago was a mere dream.

Malfoy’s don’t have dreams; he could just hear his father spout, unless they involve serving the
Dark Lord. Draco was a Malfoy and nothing would ever change that. Not this bond. Not
Voldemort. Not his father. Not even Harry himself. Damn him! His anger came back and Draco
made up his mind that this was just another step in his life that he would have to overcome and
conquer.

Harry had dictated how this would be played out and he would play his part. After all, he was Draco
Malfoy, Slytherin Prince, and Sex God of Hogwarts. Harry Potter was nothing.

Draco stood and gathered his clothes and left the room not caring that the only thing he had on was a
pair of ratty old sweatpants.

~`*`~

Stupid, slimy git. Cold bastard. Wanker. Beautiful. Prat. Slytherin. Bastard. Harry’s litany ran on
and on through his head as he stalked the halls of Hogwarts. He never noticed that the few students
that he encountered gave a frightened look at him and hurried the other way. Harry was on his way
to a place where he could think, the Quidditch pitch.

Maybe Draco had the right idea last night. Maybe if he was dead then he wouldn’t have to worry
about... well about anything damn it, because he would be dead and they would have to just deal
with it. He reached the edge of the pitch and looked to the early morning sky. He sighed and sat in
the middle of the pitch lying down on the dew-wet grass.

He was better off dead. He knew this. In fact, he waited for it to happen every day. Some days he
prayed for it. These last two weeks had been heaven and hell for him. His realization that the one he
had been infatuated with for over a year wasn’t going to be on the other side of the upcoming war
had made a few of his nights interesting to say the least.

Harry sighed and getting up he readied his stance. He needed to clear his mind and there was only
one thing that would do it. He felt his body relax as the punches and kicks hit their imaginary target.
As one form flowed into another he waited for the calmness of mind that normally occurred when he
practiced.

Growling in frustration when it never came, he reached down and picked up a twig from the ground.
He transfigured it into a long staff and as his body flowed into the familiar kata he let his mind go
free. Thirty minutes later he was sweating and breathing heavily but with a mind still tangled with
his thoughts. Damn it! This always worked before.

Harry fell to his knees his breathing harsh in the stillness. He clenched his fists trying to hold his
anger in. Damn it! He pounded his fist into the ground. Bastard. Again he pounded his fist into the
ground. I hate him! Pound. Stupid. Pound. Bastard. Pound. Beautiful git. Pound.

Harry stopped when he felt something crack in his hand. Damn it! He felt the tears threaten to fall as
he finally let himself free of his emotions. He refused to cry because he knew it would solve nothing.

I love him. I love him so much it hurts!

“You can’t save me Draco.” He whispered tearfully holding his broken and bloody hand in his
uninjured one.

“He can’t if you don’t give him the chance Harry.” Came the soft understanding voice behind him.

Harry lifted his pain filled face to see his Godfather standing there with a sympathetic look on his
face. His eyes grew cold and his face lost all expression as he stared at the man who meant more to
him than anything in this world besides Draco.

“I do not want to talk about it now Sirius.” He said evenly.

“No, you want to break the ground right now.” Sirius said with a small grin.

Harry shook his head at him but managed a small grin back. “Please not now.” He whispered and
was relieved to see the older man nod his head.

“But soon.” Sirius said with a raised eyebrow.

Harry nodded not trusting himself to speak and smiled his thanks at him as he rose to his feet. He
whispered a healing charm and he felt the tightness in his hand lessen.

“Time for practice.” Sirius said with an evil glint in his eyes.

“But Siri,” Harry whined, “I just did.”

Sirius laughed out loud, “You call that practice? Let’s go to it boy.” He growled out and rubbing his
hands together he launched himself at Harry.

Harry laughed out and dodged his Godfather and the battle began.

~`*`~

Dumbledore poured the tea as his Potions Master sat opposite him. He had called him up here to his
office on the presumption that they were going to talk about the training schedule. He had a feeling
that Severus knew the real reason he was here and the Headmaster was amusing him with the
banalities and watching the younger man fidget under his stare.

After minutes of uncomfortable silence the Headmaster cleared his throat, “How is the research
going Severus?” He asked blandly.

“We have found nothing Headmaster.” Snape answered shortly.

“I see.” The Headmaster said thoughtfully. “Ms. Granger is working out well I take it though?”

“She is very bright.” Snape said non-committed.

“Indeed.”

Into the silence his last statement caused the Headmaster drawled eyes all a twinkle, “Will she work
out Severus?”

Snape regarded the Headmaster in confusion and with a little flash of fear, “I do not know Albus, as
I have said we have found nothing yet, so I do not know whether she will work out.”

The headmaster smiled at his college and gently shook his head, “We must see if she will work out
Severus. Can’t have you going and... wasting all your time on someone who won’t work out.”

Snape eyed the other man warily and not knowing what else to do nodded and saying goodbye left to
go ponder the old man’s decline into senility.

~`*`~

Draco made it to the dorm room without incident and was now sitting on his bed holding the book
that Hermione had used to reveal the first thing that Harry had said to him. He didn’t remember
taking the book from the library when he ran but he must have because here it was in his hand. He
had found it in his cloak pocket and was sitting there staring at it wondering if he should use it.

“M'ifreann mo pharthas,” he whispered, what does it mean? He stared at the book for over an hour
fighting with himself about whether to use it.

He didn’t know why he cared, Harry had walked out on him not the other way around. But no
matter his anger and his resolve to show Harry who Draco Malfoy really was, he still wanted to
know what Harry had whispered to him that morning. It was burning in him to know and he was
scared of what he would find out.

Sighing he cast the spell that would tell him what Harry had said and he waited patiently for the
words to appear on the parchment.

The door crashed open and he looked up to see Vince, Greg, and Pansy standing there staring at him
strangely.

“What?” He asked raising an aristocratic brow at them.

Pansy gave him a funny look before walking the rest of the way into the room, “What are you doing
here Draco?” She asked.

“Sitting on my bed Pansy. What does it bloody look like I am doing?” He said blandly.

“What do you have there Draco?” Vince jumped in trying desperately to avoid the fight that he
knew was about to happen.

Draco looked down to the parchment in his hand and gasped at what he saw.

M'ifreann mo pharthas. Irish Gaelic late 1400’s early 1300’s. Translation: My Hell My
Paradise.

“Damn you Harry Potter!” He rasped out. It took him moments to regain his control and when he
did he couldn’t tear his eyes from the page. Did he feel that about me? If he did then why? Why did
he do that?

“Draco, what does it mean?” Vince asked him.

Draco shook his head, “I don’t know?” He said quietly drawing his brows together.

“Draco, what are you doing here?” Pansy asked again.

“Huh?” Draco looked at her dazedly.

Draco ignored her and tried to gather his thoughts, he must be playing games with me, that’s it. This
was all just a game to him. Draco felt the familiar anger rise again and he was able to focus on his
surroundings.

Greg came to stand beside Pansy and eyed Draco with a sorrowful look, “Why are you here and not
in Potter’s room, I believe she meant?”

Draco opened his mouth to retort that it was none of their business when he found that he could not
speak. He couldn’t stand to see what he thought was pity in their eyes so he got off the bed and
walked to his trunk to get some clothes to change into. He was still wearing Harry’s sweatpants and
he now had this sudden urge to throw them out the window which, of course, he couldn’t do as they
were still on his body.

“Draco what did you do?” Pansy asked softly but with a scowl beginning to form on her face.

“Nothing.” He replied as he pulled his clean shirt over his head.

“Liar.” She snapped at him.

He spun around to face her angry glare, “Why do you think I am the one who did something wrong?
Is your precious Potter not capable of doing wrong? You all think I did something to Saint Potter,
don‘t you?” He snarled at them as he poked himself furiously in the chest.

He ignored the astonished looks on the faces of his friends as he ranted.

“I do not want to talk about this, do you hear me? The first person that says Harry fucking Potters
name will be cursed so badly that Pomfrey would have to ask for outside help. I do not need him. I
can do this on my own. I do not need him. Malfoy’s need help from no one. Do you hear me? No
one!” He snapped as he slammed his feet into his trainers not even bothering to tie them he turned to
stalk from his room totally ignorant of the fact that he still had Harry‘s sweatpants on. Any other
time he would have rather been hexed than to be caught out in public dressed like that.

“Bloody hell,” Vince murmured.

Greg nodded but wisely said nothing.

“Draco Malfoy you stop right there this instance!” Pansy screeched.

Draco stopped but did not turn to face her wrath.

“How dare you talk to us that way? I don’t know what you think you are doing but you had better
not do something as stupid as you did last night. Did nothing you went through last night even
register with you?” She yelled at him. Pansy was angry and she was scary when she was angry. It
was something that the three boys had learned to avoid growing up with her, a happy Pansy meant
they were all happy.

“What happened?” She asked softly.

This change of tactic caught the blond Slytherin off guard and he spun to face her.

“Last night changed nothing Pansy. We are still who we were yesterday, two weeks ago, a year ago.
One night can’t change that. He won’t let it.” Draco tried to explain his eyes pleading with her to
drop it.

“What do you mean he won’t let it?” Vince asked.

Draco shrugged his shoulders his eyes growing dark. This action disturbed the other Slytherins
because it was something that the normally proud boy would not do. He felt it beneath him for some
odd reason that they never did understand.

“It does not matter anymore. He chose this way. And I will stick to it. I have to remember I am a
Malfoy and I need no one.” Draco sneered trying to show the others that the old Draco Malfoy was
back. He would have been worried if he knew that the sneer he thought would make him back into
the old person he used to be only made him look lost and scared.

He drew himself upright and pasted the cold smile back on his face, “Let’s get to the training room. I
want this day over as quickly as possible.” He said in a fair imitation of his usual silky cold voice.

Pansy watched her best friend as he tried to bring the scraps of his dignity back together. “What did
he do Draco?” She asked softly.

Draco turned to see her looking at him with compassion shining in her eyes. He turned away before
he lost the tenuous control he had over his emotions. He smiled sadly at her and then turning to the
door walked to it and opened it up for them to leave.

He was surprised when they did not move to leave the room but stood there and watched him
questioningly. He raised a silver eyebrow at them and sighed when even that did not deter them from
standing there and waiting for an answer.

“Draco?” Greg whispered.

“He walked out on me.” Draco said evenly before exiting the room ending the conversation he
hadn’t wanted to have in the first place.

The remaining friends looked to each other all knowing from the look on Draco’s face that he was
barely hanging on. The two boys flinched at the fire they saw ignite in the furious girl’s eyes as she
too stalked out of the room. They shared a glance and with a shrug of their shoulders followed their
friends to meet the Gryffindors for their training.

“This should be interesting.” Greg whispered to Vince.

Vince looked to Greg and nodded with a gleam in his eye. “So it should.”

~`*`~

Harry walked down the corridor in a better frame of mind than when he had left that morning. The
mock battle with Sirius had helped him mentally though his muscles where beginning to protest his
treatment of them. Walking into the training room he was not surprised to see the other members of
his group already there.

“Morning.” He called to them as he walked up.

“Morning Harry.” Neville said.

“Good morning Harry.”

“Morning mate. And how do you feel this morning?” Ron asked with a grin. Hermione reached out
a slapped him on the back of the head and gave him a warning look.

Neville and Ron snickered at Hermione’s reproachful look. Only Hermione noticed Harry’s eyes
darken and a scowl appear on his face. Her eyes widened, what has the stupid git done now she
thought?

“Harry, where is Draco?” She asked him.

“How should I know?” Harry said calmly ignoring her angry glare.

“Uh Harry?” Ron started.

“Shall we start?” Harry interrupted him turning from his friends and missing the looks they sent to
each other. Neville flinched when he saw Hermione scowl and her face go red. Watch out Harry he
thought, Mt St. Hermione is about to blow.

“Harry!” Hermione said sharply. “Where is Draco?”

“I told you Hermione I don’t know. Your concern for him is admirable though.” Harry said
mockingly as he turned to face her. The three friends took in his cold expressionless face and his
emotionless tone.

“What did you do?” Hermione whispered fearfully.

“I did nothing.”

“You had to have done something.” She snapped at him.

“But I didn’t Hermione I did nothing.” Harry relied coldly.

“You did nothing! What is that suppose to mean Harry?” Hermione said.

“I am telling you for the last time Hermione I did nothing. Now drop it!” Harry snapped at her.

Hermione reared back as if he had slapped her. Harry never talked to her this way, never.

“Harry...” Hermione began.

Once again Harry was forced to interrupt one of his friends. “I will not tell you again Hermione to
drop it.” Harry said in a freezing voice. His eyes were blazing and his hands were clenched in his
effort to hold in his anger.

Harry stood with his back to the door so he did not see the four Slytherins arrival. They had heard
the yelling before they walked in but were not prepared for what they saw. Harry Potter facing off
before his friends. Greg and Vince grabbed Pansy to stop her from running in and attacking Harry.
Draco stepped into the room, softly closing the door behind him. It was apparent from his expression
that whatever had happened was very bad indeed, all you had to do was take one look at his haunted
eyes to understand that.

“I won’t drop it Harry. You can’t keep everything bottled up inside. We are you friends Harry don‘t
shut us out again.” Hermione yelled at him.

“Shut up!” Harry yelled back. “For the love of God Hermione would you just shut up!”

“You listen to me Harry Potter. I am sick of your self-righteous attitude. We are your friends and we
only want what is best for you and you are acting childish. What did you do?” Hermione yelled
trying to get him to see reason.

“Self-righteous attitude? Who has a self-righteous attitude now? I told you I didn’t want to talk
about what happened and I meant it Hermione. Now shut the bloody hell up!” Harry screamed at
her.

Hermione reached out and slapped Harry across the face. Her eyes grew wide as she stared at him in
horror. Harry’s face was still turned from her by the force of her hand. The room had grown eerily
silent only the sounds of Hermione’s gasps for air could be heard.

“Oh My God Harry. I am so sorry.” She whispered tears beginning to flow from her now red
rimmed eyes.

Harry’s body slumped as he turned to face her again. He reached up and felt his cheek where it was
red from her hand. It burned when he touched it. He flinched back from her when she reached out to
him. He ignored the look in her eyes and let the anger overtake him.

“Don’t.” He whispered harshly, “don’t apologize to me Hermione.”

“Stop this Harry, please.” She begged him.

Harry shook his head sadly; “it’s too late.”

“It can’t be,” she pleaded with him, “what about the bonds Harry?”

He sighed deeply and shrugged his shoulders, “What about it Hermione? It’s over now.”

At Harry’s words the strength left Draco’s legs and he found himself falling to his knees behind him.
The others were frozen in shock. No one said anything. Draco bowed his head and felt the tears fall
from his face but he was to far gone in his misery to even care. Pride be damn when you hurt like
this, he thought. Every word hit him like a hammer pounding in a nail and with each pound he
seemed to grow smaller and smaller until he feared he would disappear.

“What did you do?” Hermione asked quietly.

Harry sighed again as his shoulders slumped in defeat. “I told you Hermione, I did nothing.” He
lowered his head refusing to look her in the eye.

Hermione looked over Harry’s shoulder at the others and mouthing at them to not say anything she
turned her attention back to the boy in front of her. If anyone was going to find out what was wrong
with Harry it was Hermione.

Stepping forward she took the shaking boy in her arms and hugged him tightly. Harry shuddered
and rested his head on her shoulder. He was fighting back the tears that were threatening to
overcome him for the second time that morning.

“I can’t do this Hermione.” He whispered into her hair.

“Do what Harry?” She asked softly.

“Hurt him.” Harry mumbled.

Hermione drew back and looked into his tear filled eyes. Tears that he was refusing to shed. “But
you already have haven’t you Harry?”

Harry didn’t answer he just nodded his head and drawing a shaky breath stepped back removing
himself from her embrace.

“It is better this way Mione.” Harry said.

“How?” she asked gently.

“Because when I die he will still be able to live.” Harry spoke softly but everyone heard him.
Thankfully Harry didn’t noticed that Hermione’s gasp was echoed six other times.

“Why do you say that? Surely you know what the bonds mean? Harry you are not going to die.”
She asked him.

“Of course I do. I spent the last six years learning everything I could about the wizarding world
Mione. I know about bonding.” Harry said. He stopped and stared at her when something she said
caught his attention. “Hang on, what do you mean bonds?” he demanded.

Hermione grinned at him, “you obviously don’t know everything that you think you do Harry. You
and Draco have a heart bond and a soul bond.”

Harry sighed in relief, “Oh ok that’s still ok. The bonds aren’t complete.”

“Well not exactly,” she hedged.

“What do you mean not exactly?” Harry asked her alarmingly, his eyes widening.

“The heart bond may not be complete, and only you and Draco would know that for sure, but the
soul bond is complete Harry.”

Draco’s head shot up and he glared at Hermione. He could tell she was thoroughly enjoying herself
and he was starting to get angry again. This was a waste of time.

“But...but it can’t be we haven’t done anything.” Harry said sharply, it was clear that he didn’t
believe her.

“Harry,” Hermione said gently as if explaining something to a frightened child, “a soul bond only
needs a willingness and desire to be complete.”

Harry stared at her, his face a mask of terror, “Shit!,” he whispered, “I was right he did try to deny it
last night didn’t he?” Harry demanded.

Hermione nodded, “and you almost died.”

“That bastard!”

“Harry he didn’t know! He came to me and asked me about something that you had said to him.
When he found out he was upset, we talked, and I told him.”

“You told him!” Harry yelled. “He wasn’t suppose to know Hermione. You shouldn’t have told
him.”

“Told him what Harry? That you have a bond together or that you do everything that you do
because you feel you NEED to! He had a right to know! He, out of all of us, has that right to know
Harry and you can‘t keep it from him.” Hermione yelled back.

Harry dropped to his knees. He was so scared he couldn't do this anymore. His body shook so badly
that his teeth were beginning to knock together with a faint rhythm.

“Shit!” He snarled grinding his teeth together to keep them from chattering. He wrapped his arms
around himself trying to stop the shivers that were racking his body.

“Harry?” came Hermione’s frightened voice.

“You don’t get it do you?” He asked harshly.

“Tell me Harry.”

He shook his head violently. “It doesn’t matter now Hermione.”

“Why doesn’t it matter now Harry?”

“I tried everything I could think of to push him away thinking that it was the only way that he could
survive when I am gone. Now, even that won’t matter. When I die so will he. And I will die
Hermione. I will die.” Harry’s shaky last words fell into the silence.

“No you won’t Harry.” She said softly taking him once again in her arms.

“I just want a life Hermione. That is all that I ask. A life. I can’t take his away as well.” Harry
pleaded with her.

“Isn’t that his choice Harry?”

Draco was watching silently, ignoring the tears running down his face, he couldn’t speak right now
to save his life. He didn’t think any of them could. They all wanted to hear what Harry had to say,
they needed to hear it.

“He hates me now Hermione.” Harry whispered.

“He doesn’t hate you Harry.” She said looking at Draco over Harry’s shoulder. She caught his gaze
and held it as she spoke her next words. “He may be angry right now Harry. Angry and confused but
I don’t think he hates you. He’s just as scared as you are, possibly more scared, but I doubt he hates
you.”

“But he doesn’t really feel that does he? It is the bond making him do it. I can’t ask him to do this
knowing he’s being forced to when he hates me. It’s wrong Hermione, wrong.”

“Harry what are you talking about? The bond doesn’t make Draco feel anything. The bond is just
the by-product of your feelings for each other. Harry he really does love you. He probably has for a
long time. That is why this is so hard for both of you. If you had been friends instead of enemies then
the bond would have grown stronger gradually. The fact that you weren’t and the bond is near
completion has made the feelings you have for each other hit you both very hard. Harry, don’t fight
this. Love him and live, please Harry. This could be your downfall before Voldemort even lays a
finger on you.” Hermione said softly. She was speaking to Harry but her eyes were on Draco. She
hoped he understood what she was saying to Harry.

Draco blinked at Hermione as her words hit him. He felt himself nod, it all made sense. The fear,
longing, and desire that overwhelmed him completely when Harry was near him and the confusion
and anger that he felt when he wasn’t. Was Harry feeling the same way?

“I’m sorry Hermione. I can’t do this right now.” Harry whispered.

Hermione was shocked at Harry’s words. “Harry you can’t deny the bond, it will kill you both.”

“I am not going to deny the bond. I...I couldn’t deny the bond. Hermione,“ he whispered achingly,
“he means everything to me, everything. He’s heat and cold and...and air. He’s the air Hermione
and I feel like I can’t breathe without him. I can’t lose him. I just can’t. He has to live. I won’t deny
the bond but neither am I going to do anything about it. He might still be able to live when I die if
we do nothing else.” Harry said tiredly running a hand through his hair. Draco’s head jerked up at
Harry’s first words but as he continued to talk the faint hope that had flared in his eyes faded to be
replaced with a cold burning anger. Damn him! Damn the Great Harry Potter for thinking he could
make his choices for him!

“Harry don‘t you think he should be the one to make that choice?” Hermione said sharply.

“No I don’t. I have made my decision.” Harry snapped.

“Harry it’s not only your choice. And you are NOT going to die!“ She said shaking him once to get
her point across.

Harry smiled sadly at her and drew her into a hug. “It’s ok Hermione. I love you too.”

“And Draco? What about him?” Hermione said.

“He will live Hermione. That is all that matters to me.”

“You are wrong Harry.”

“I may end up being wrong Hermione. But as for now my decision stands. If I do nothing else he
will live.”

“Harry..” Hermione started but was stopped by Harry’s hand on her mouth. He smiled tiredly at her
and shook his head once.

“I’m tired Hermione, tell the others I’ll be back later o.k.? I think I...I need to be alone right now.”
Harry watched as she nodded and he reached up to wipe the tears from her cheek before hugging her
tightly one more time.

Harry stood up and turned to leave the room. He stopped when he saw that they were not the only
ones there. He groaned as he ran a hand through his hair.

Vince and Greg each had one of Pansy’s arms clearly holding her back from attacking Harry. He
saw the tears on her face and opened his mouth to speak but realized there was nothing he could say
to her and turned from her in shame. He saw Ron and Neville standing to the side both with sad
expressions on their faces.

He flinched at the pity he saw on their faces and turned sharply towards the door. He ran into
something and as he fell he knew whom he had run into. He landed roughly on his side bracing
himself up on his already hurt hand. He froze as he met the angry eyes of the blonde that had been
kneeling behind him.

“Shit!”

“How eloquent Potter. Any other words of wisdom we can expect from you today?” Draco drawled
coldly his voice like steel. He eyes were flashing and his lips were pursed in anger but his face
showed no expression. Just the famous Malfoy nothing as if expressing emotions were somehow
beneath them.

“I...”

“Don’t bother I understand you completely. I will leave you now.” The visibly shaking blonde got
up and left the room.

“I’m sorry.” Harry whispered reaching out to stop him but it was too late, he was already gone.
Harry hung his head as the tears he had refused to let fall poured down his face. He ignored the
others attempts to stop him and walked from the room. He blindly headed for the Tower and his
favorite parapet. He wasn’t completely sure he was on his way there to think or to throw himself off.

**************************************************************

m'ifreann mo pharthas -- my hell my paradise. This is Gaelic.

Enjoy!

LMG
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