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Changing of the Guard	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 58627 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 25
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Thanks again for all the reviews!

Chapter Twenty-Six�Debates

�� More porridge, Master Malfoy?�

�� Draco had
to admit that Harry�s house-elf made excellent food, even if Kreacher seemed to feel that porridge and nothing else was
suitable for someone recovering from a physical injury. He nodded and held out
the bowl, but Kreacher snapped his fingers and an
entire new bowl appeared in Draco�s hands. Draco smiled and let Kreacher take the empty one instead. He looked over Kreacher�s head, but Harry still hadn�t returned from the
loo. Maybe he�d gone to take a shower instead of relieve himself, as Draco had
supposed.

�� Before the
house-elf could leave the room, Draco cleared his throat. Kreacher
turned back at once, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He really was eager to
serve, Draco thought, and wondered if the difference between him and the Malfoy
house-elves came from the people they served or the way they were treated.

�� Master
Malfoy needs something else?�

�� I was just
wondering if you could tell me a little about Harry,� Draco said. �I haven�t
been dating him long, you see, and there�s still so much I don�t know.�

�� Kreacher�s ears rose almost straight up. �Master Malfoy is
moving into the house?�

�� Draco
blinked, wondering how Kreacher had drawn that conclusion
from his words. �Er, not at the moment,� he said. The
elf nodded, and his ears drooped again. �But I wondered how much truth there is
to the rumors that Harry stays in the house all the time and never goes out for
any reason. Does he spend much time here?�

�� Master
Harry is always moving,� Kreacher said, his voice
taking on the tone of a familiar complaint. He tapped one over-large foot
agitatedly on the gleaming wooden floor of the bedroom Draco had taken over. �He
will not sit still for long, not even when he is sick. �Master Harry,� Kreacher says, �do not overstrain
yourself.� �Master Harry, eat more.� And he just smiles at Kreacher
and says he doesn�t need to. Sometimes he says he doesn�t need to eat more
because the person he is doesn�t need to eat more.�

�� Draco
blinked again. �The person he is��

�� Trying to
pry information out of my house-elf, Draco?� Harry stepped through the bedroom
door, his hair wet and gleaming, his smile sharp enough to cut. He had on a
shirt and a loose pair of trousers, Draco was disappointed to see. After all
the time they�d spent around each other, surely it wouldn�t have bothered Harry
to expose a bit of flesh, and Draco would have enjoyed it. Harry flicked a
glance at Kreacher, and the house-elf squeaked and
vanished.

��Just ask me if you
really want to know.�

�� The words
were friendly enough, but Harry�s eyes had gone shadowed, and he�d lost a
little of the openness he�d shown last night. Draco didn�t know why. They�d
only been apart for five or six hours, if the Tempus Charm he cast was accurate (and it always was), and Harry
would have spent most of that time sleeping. Had he put up
his barriers again solely because of the time? Had he thought of some
consequence to their companionship that Draco had not?

�� Sometimes
house-elves know things that wizards don�t, even the wizards who own them,� Draco
said, refusing to apologize. �But since you extended the invitation to me, I
will. Do you spend a lot of time here?�

�� Not
really.� Harry waved his wand and dried his hair, then nodded at the porridge. �Are
you going to eat that?�

�� Impatient, or hungry?� Draco murmured, picking up his spoon.

�� Impatient.�
Harry stretched his arms over his head and paced back and forth. Draco watched
him from the corner of an eye, and slowed the movements of his spoon when he
thought he could get away with it. Harry was staring at the far wall, though
Draco had already looked at it and knew there wasn�t a window there. �We�ll
have to make decisions sooner or later, and have a conversation that I�m not
looking forwards to.�

�� Draco laid
his spoon down with a precise click. He supposed it was progress of a sort that
Harry was confessing his dread of the arriving conversation rather than trying
to avoid it or disguise his motives, but since Draco had no idea why he would dread
anything, the statement was still irritating. �And what do you think we�ll talk
about?�

�� Harry took
a deep breath and turned to face him. His eyes were still shadowed, but now he
was biting his lower lip, which calmed Draco a bit; Harry was even more nervous
about this than he was, if that was possible.

�� More like,
what we�ll argue about,� Harry said. �Shouldn�t
you finish that first?� He nodded to the porridge.

�� I suddenly
find myself without an appetite,� Draco said. �Disagreement with you does that
to me.�

*

�� Harry
cursed inwardly. He knew he should have followed the promptings of his common
sense and kept out of the bedroom until Draco had finished his breakfast. He
didn�t want to rush him, or injure him further. Yes, he had managed to heal
Draco�s broken rib last night, but he was no expert at such magic and Draco
still needed time to recover.

�� But he�d
allowed his own impulses to overtake him, and what good did that ever do? �There was a reason Harry kept such a tight
leash on the part of himself that had got him into trouble during his years at
Hogwarts, a reason he regarded that part of himself as the weakest one.

�� Still,
Draco knew enough by now that he might as well go ahead with the subject. Harry
leaned back on the wall and did what he could to show patience and invincible
calm, instead of the champing pain on his nerves. �You�ll want me to go about
in public with you now,� he said. �To stand at your side as
Harry Potter instead of Brian Montgomery. To put the
power of my name behind the rebellion.� He paused. �And behind your
rebellion as well, I suppose, though since Lucius has disowned you already you
don�t need my name for that.�

�� Draco had narrowed
his eyes, but his hands had not moved. Harry wondered idly if he had learned
his poised immobility from his mother or his father. It did wonders for him,
either way. He certainly didn�t look like the kind of man someone would want to
argue with.

�� Too bad I have no choice. I should have seen
this last night. We�re just too different, in some ways, for it to be a good
thing that he has the secret of Metamorphosis now.

�� Harry knew
he would still have done the same thing again if offered a Time-Turner,
however. He had owed Draco the truth; he had owed Draco whatever he asked for, and
Draco had chosen the truth. And there was still a crawling, shrinking relief in
him, emanating from that weakest and most deeply-buried part of him, that someone besides him knew. Carrying the secret had been a weight of its own.

�� But in
other ways, this was an enormous problem. Draco might think Harry�s deceptions and disguises were clever and Slytherin
and fascinating, but he wouldn�t for long. This was only one of the reasons.

�� Harry knew
better than to believe this could work out smoothly. He would have to ride it
out as best as he could, though, because he was
attracted to Draco, he did want
to be with Draco, and Draco did know.

�� You�re
saying,� Draco murmured, �that you want to remain disguised.�

�� Yes,�
Harry said.

�� This has
to do with the reasons that you�ve never revealed yourself as gay? That you�ve
never told anyone else you run Metamorphosis? That you haven�t used your name
and your power as you could have, to claim some respect for yourself?�

�� What power?� Harry said, before he could
stop his own words. He flinched when Draco glared at him. Damn it, the weak part of me is speaking again.

�� Do not
play stupid,� Draco said. �You know very well your magic could have won you all
the attention, admiration, respect, or fear you desired. Yet you preferred to
act the weakling.� His hands briefly clenched in the sheets, as if he were
fighting himself. �And those reasons you still don�t want to confess to me.�

�� Yes,�
Harry said quietly. He held Draco�s eyes. �Is this the ending of any connection
we might share, then? Do you regret I told you?�

�

�� Nausea
churned in his stomach and relief swirled dizzily behind his eyes. Draco�s
rejection now would hurt terribly, but it would also allow Harry to continue as
he had been. At the moment, with reality crushing the little paradise he had
briefly found in Draco�s arms, Harry was not sure which one he wanted more.

*

�� Draco
frowned, the sharp retort he had drawn breath to make dying in his mouth. He
examined Harry with narrowed eyes. He was missing something he should have
grasped and understood instinctively, and God knew there were enough mysteries
around Harry already.

�� Harry had
his arms crossed behind his head, an easy, relaxed posture Draco was sure was
fake, especially with the flickering movements of his eyes and the tremor in
his voice. When he happened to shift to the side, his shoulders bunched and
stayed that way, tense. His expression struggled for stoic, with flashes of
other emotions easily visible behind it.

�� And now
Draco felt stupid. He said he was a good
actor. What if he�s acting around me, too? What if he�s showing me what he
thinks I want or need to see, instead of the true, honest him?

�� The truth
was probably more complex than that, because Draco had easily been able to tell
when Harry was lying before, and now he wasn�t sure. However, the question had
sounded real enough. He started by answering it, relaxing his own posture and
smiling as much as he could under the circumstances.

�� Of course
I don�t regret it. You sound as though you�re awfully certain I�ll leave you at
any moment, Harry, as if I�m looking for some excuse. You should know that�s not true.� Draco lowered his voice,
filled it with affection. �Why would I be looking for one, you imbecile? I
showed you what your trust means to me. I want to retain it. I hardly could if
I rejected the first great revelation you�ve offered me out of turn.�

�� Harry�s
head jerked sharply to one side, and his eyes lost their shadows for the first time
that morning, widening and letting in the light. He dropped his hands from
behind his head, crossing them at the waist, and looked long and steadily at
Draco.

�� He still
didn�t smile, but Draco thought he was getting through to him now. He waited.
Harry cleared his throat and then spoke in an unsteady voice. �I�of course. I should have known that.� He paused, his
muscles still tense, locked and trembling as if he were about to bolt, and then
blurted out, �I�m trying to trust you. It�s harder than I thought it would be.�
And then he looked mortified he�d said that.

�� But Draco
relaxed, because he understood much better now. Harry feared bad reactions from
his friends if he told them about Metamorphosis. Why shouldn�t he fear the same
thing from Draco, once he�d had time to think about it, once a disagreement
came about between them, even if Draco had initially been swept away in the rush
of emotions?

�� And I am dearer to him than any friend.

�� Draco kept
his voice soft and cheerful, the same voice he might have used to coax a timid
wild animal close. �Of course I would like you to take your place at my side,
but I think that�s impossible right now, for many reasons.� Harry looked at him
with such shining gratitude in his eyes Draco had to fight to keep from
preening. He did harden his face and tone enough to add, �But we should work
towards that. I will, eventually, want to date you in public. And in the
future, please ask me what I�m likely to want, rather than assuming I�ll argue
with you like a goat butting his head against a stone wall, or give up on you
the moment I don�t get my way.�

�� Harry
flushed, and nodded. Then he said, �What should
our strategy be, then? I enjoyed last night, but kissing and confessing
secrets is hardly the way we can spend all our days, not if we want to be
productive.� A note of wry humor had crept into his voice which Draco took a moment
to revel in before he answered.

�� It depends
on what you mean by �productive,�� Draco said, and this time Harry smiled. Glad
to see it, Draco smiled back, though he made a mental note to himself not to
expect all their arguments to be this
easily settled. �I intend to continue my support of Nusante
and his followers. My name is associated with it now, and backing out would
look weak. Besides, it will anger Lucius.� That won an even broader smile from
Harry, though this one flashed and went quickly. �However, I know next to
nothing about safe meeting places in London, or about the best ways to send
positive messages about homosexuality through plays and other art. My contacts
in the Ministry are also limited.� He leaned forwards. �I want to lend monetary
support. I want you to make the plans.�

�� Harry�s
face froze. Then he said, �You know, Draco, exaggerated stories about what I
did during the war aside, I�m really not that
great a planner.�

�� Draco
blinked for a moment. Then he said, �I wasn�t talking about the war. And as for
your not being good at planning, that�s a load of bollocks. Who carried out
Metamorphosis under pure-blood noses for a decade?�

�� Harry
flinched a little, then stood straighter. Draco had to
admit he didn�t understand this reaction, either.

�� But some of them you want him to explain on
his own, remember?

*

�� He�he thinks I can do this. I told him the
truth, told him how I�ve hidden behind other people and fled from my responsibilities,
almost broke down in his arms, and lashed out and wounded him physically, and
he still has confidence in me.

�� Harry could
not remember the last time he had felt this heady mixture of support and trust
coming from another person. References to Metamorphosis still hurt more than he�d
thought they would, and somehow he�d forgotten that of course Draco would
factor his new knowledge of Harry into his future plans. But Draco was willing
to believe in him, despite everything, and that made Harry determined not to
let him down.

�� You cannot, the merciless voice insisted
in Harry�s head, the first time he had heard it that morning. He barely
concealed his start; he had thought he�d put it away and gone back to being the
cold Harry, mixed with glimpses of the weak one Draco seemed to see against
Harry�s will. The voice was a most strange persona, not fading away when it was
told to and talking back to Harry, whilst the others were simply different
people. You cannot fail him, not as long
as you have breath in your body.

�� It might happen anyway.

�� But not with your willing
cooperation.

�� No.

�� And with
the merciless voice pushing at him, Harry made a gesture he knew he could never
have done otherwise. Holding Draco�s eyes, he smiled a little and said, �Well.
It�ll be some time yet before I�m ready to let my name or my face be associated in public with homosexuality. Still, it�ll
happen eventually.� Making that commitment caused shivers to race up and down
his spine, but the softening of Draco�s face was worth the fear. �What if I
were to spread the rumor that Harry Potter does
support Nusante and the struggle? What if I were
to offer a hiding place in London where no one would think to look for them, because
the house is so well-hidden?� He made a wide circling gesture around at Number
Twelve Grimmauld Place.

�� Draco
raised an eyebrow. �But someone must know you live here. Someone would figure
it out, and probably sooner than we want.�

�� He said we, the merciless voice pointed
out.

�� I know he did, Harry snapped back, still
reeling with the wonder and the shock of it, the implication Draco was with
him, even in decisions he clearly didn�t agree with. Then he continued, �There
are ways to disguise that. We�ll give them the Apparition coordinates, the exact coordinates, so that they�ll
Apparate in on the doorstep. I can easily disguise all traces that I live here.�
Draco�s eyes narrowed a bit, but Harry didn�t think it looked threatening and
so didn�t pursue the subject or allow his confidence to deflate. �And I�ll
adjust the wards to cast a modified illusion spell. Anyone who gets curious
will think he�s looking at another street entirely. It�ll be that much harder
to betray from the outside, if we do have anyone who thinks to score points
with the Ministry by trying.�

�� We still
don�t know where they got the information about the first meeting,� Draco
murmured.

�� Exactly.� Harry took another risk. He was dizzy with the
sensation of doing so, but he had support.
He couldn�t have forgotten that even if the merciless voice didn�t
constantly whisper in his head to remind him. �I do have contacts in the
Ministry. I can talk to Ron, and he�s happy to give me all sorts of gossip if I
ask the right questions. I�ll try to learn both who gave the meeting away and
how much they know now.�

�� Draco
chuckled. �And the art?�

�� I do have
some ideas on that as well,� Harry admitted, biting his lip. He was debating
whether he should tell Draco that he had been Elizabeth Gouldier.
But this was probably enough risks for one day. Draco would be irritated if he
learned that Harry had been acting a persona right under his nose. �However, I
think we can leave the bulk of the planning up to Nusante
and the people who want to work in the same field. They�re the artists, after all.�

�� True
enough, for now.� Draco leaned back against the pillows and stretched. He had
removed his shirt to sleep, and Harry found his eyes following the muscles in
Draco�s arms and shoulders with more than friendly interest. Draco noticed him
looking and breathed deeply on purpose, which flexed his muscles. Harry
flushed.

�� Draco took the
mercy on him the voice in Harry�s head would not. �I can ask among my own
pure-blood friends to see if anyone might have any idea who passed the
information on to the Ministry. And it�s time I softened them up. They�ll talk
to me, I think. By now, they�ll have heard of the disowning, and they�ll want
to know how in the world I could be so reckless.� He held out a hand. �Come
here. I�d like to kiss you before I leave.�

�� Harry
stepped forwards and bent his head. This kiss was less intimate than the one
they had shared last night, but also lazier and slower and less urgent. They didn�t
need to rush, Draco seemed to be saying, because they had plenty of time to
know and explore and tease each other. Harry was panting nonetheless when he
drew away, and half-hard.

�� Draco
smiled at him, but didn�t say anything about it. He rose to his feet, retrieved
the shirt hanging on the back of a chair, and slung it over his shoulder. As he
followed Harry down the stairs to the entrance hall, Harry glanced back at him
and found his eyes fixed on the distance. He was humming under his breath, the
way Harry often walked down these stairs when things were going well and
whistled.

�� He can focus his whole attention on me, and
he can also relax enough around me that he doesn�t have to pay attention to my
every little movement. Harry flushed again. Honestly, he needed to stop
acting like a delighted puppy when he learned something new about Draco.

�� If reacting like a delighted puppy keeps you
aware of how much you owe him and how much he can give you, then that is the
right thing to do, said the merciless voice.

�� Deliberately,
Harry focused his thoughts on being the cold Harry, the one who saw and thought
far ahead, the one who had the strength to do things he didn�t necessarily
like. That would banish the merciless voice, the decided shift to another
persona. And something occurred to him, because he was thinking like his cold
self, which had not been answered so far. Pausing with his hand on the front
door, he turned and asked Draco, �How did you learn where I lived? Is it a hole
in my wards that someone else could exploit?�

�� Draco
looked up and shook his head. His hair hung shining around his head, even in
the relatively dim lights of the hall, and Harry found himself admiring it. Well,
the cold Harry did have a libido.

�� No, he doesn�t.

�� Harry
snarled a little and held himself still. Draco was staring at the place where
the portrait of Mrs. Black had once hung and looked as if he wanted to ask a
question about it, but he drew himself together enough to answer Harry�s
instead.

�� A
house-elf followed the owl I sent you a few days ago,� he said, smiling at Harry
again. �He waited until your elf was out, then sneaked into the hole he�d left,
convincing the house that he was Kreacher on the way.�
Draco looked insufferably smug, but Harry supposed he had a right to.

�� All right.� Harry nodded. �So long as it�s not a weakness I
need to patch up.�

�� Draco
stepped up to him and laid his hands on his shoulders. He looked at Harry from
so close Harry tilted up his chin, anticipating another kiss, but Draco simply
stared intently.

�� I think
you have fewer weaknesses than you pretend,� he murmured, and released Harry
from his hold.

�� Frozen,
Harry watched Draco step out the front door and casually tug on his shirt. Then he Apparated. Harry found himself obscurely grateful
that Draco had dressed before he went, even though the wards would have
prevented anyone on the street from getting a good glimpse of him.

�� You might at least admit your own jealousy, the
merciless voice said.

�� Harry put
his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking and turned away abruptly. He
would don the mask of the Harry who was Ron and Hermione�s friend and guide Ron�s
conversation subtly towards events in the Ministry. Yes. He would keep his
promises to Draco and lend his support to the rebellion.

�� And he
would banish this inconvenient persona he had assumed who did not seem to know
how to leave him. He would.

*

�� Draco
arrived at the London flat and frowned lightly as he realized two men were
leaning against the wall outside the door. Clients, this early in the morning,
and important enough the people at Malfoy�s Machineries had sent them ahead? He
hoped it was not some trouble with a new product.

He assumed his business face at
once, and nodded courteously. �Gentlemen. Can I help
you?�

�� In fact,
you can,� said the nearest one, stepping forwards, and Draco only then recognized
the Auror cut of his robes. He tensed. The other man moved to flank his
partner. The first one, a tall, blue-eyed, dark-haired wizard who resembled
Brian too much for Draco�s taste, gave him a hard smile. �By
coming with us quietly. Draco Malfoy, you are under arrest for violating
the Public Statute of Sexual Decency and Morality, 1900, through flagrant displays
of homosexuality.�

��

*

�� snappy pants, momoko,
broomrider949, Caldonya, Christabell,
Noisette, avihenda, Banner,
Dani: Thanks for reviewing!

�� SoftObsidian74:
Thank you! Harry�s insecurities do run deep, and at the moment, Draco doesn�t
understand just how deep. But he does
accept the multiple personalities and love the man who can produce them, so
that�s a good start.

�� The idea
that Hermione or Ron drove Harry to this is just Draco�s perspective on Harry�s
words. When they enter the story again, they�ll have words of their own to say.

�� Thrnbrooke: No, the voice is more complicated than that.

�� qwerty: Let�s hope there�s hope, anyway.

�� s2kitty: Thanks!
As you can see, Harry and Draco are beginning the struggle to work things out.
Draco knows not to push right now, because when he doesn�t push Harry gives him
things he hasn�t even asked for yet.

�� Lunatic
with a hero complex: Heh, not a problem. I�ve also
been sick, and I know it can be pretty damn bad. As for the reverse Pensieve,
well, Draco will probably find out about it at some point.

�� SP777: Thank
you! As for Harry being a compulsive
liar, I�ll say that he really is trying to tell the truth, but he does still
lie by omission at least, as he does in this chapter.

�� And no,
Draco wouldn�t want a co-dependent relationship either.

�� Luvdonite: Ron and Hermione�s attitudes will be explored
more in-depth in the next chapter, and they�ll get to speak for themselves.

�� Calrissian18:
Harry did stay Harry, but he�s already sort of regretting it.

�� And yes,
Draco looking directly at the real Harry hurts Harry. He�s fighting the
temptation to curl up again and protect his soft spots even as he tells the
truth.

�� Draco�s
knowledge of the personas is limited right now, but he�ll catch on soon.

�� Mangacat: Thank you! Yes, the second half of the story will
be quite as twisty as the first.

�� Skydancer: Thank you! Probably another 25
chapters to go.

�� Yume111:
Thank you! Harry�s core is much stronger than he can admit to himself, I think.
He�s so used to sliding into another personality and being the perfect person for
the moment/situation that the weaknesses he does have obscure the sight of his
strengths from him.

�� I think you
can see the process of Harry�s reaching out continuing here.

�� And yes,
you�re exactly right on Draco�s care. If he had tried to take advantage of
Harry�s openness, it�s highly possible Harry�s trust in him would have
shattered.

�� Harry is afraid
of Ron and Hermione finding out, afraid of discussing their reactions, afraid
of everything about them as concerns Metamorphosis. He loves them deeply, but he
would have to admit that he�s lied to them for ten years, and he�s afraid their
friendship would not survive it.

�� Brian is
simpler than Harry�easier to maintain�and he has, as far as Harry is concerned,
no weaknesses. Harry loathes being weak.

�� Hi-chan: Not schizophrenic.

�� Gennastar: Thank you very much! Part of the rest of this
story will be devoted to teasing out the psychological complexities of the
relationship, to letting Draco understand just how much he�s taken on�and to
letting Harry understand Draco better, too. They�ve had a very important
conversation, but their process of adjustment to each other is by no means
over.

��
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Changing of the Guard