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Lessons and Obsessions	By : LennaNightrunner Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 85098 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: EXPLOSION

Spring was in full bloom and still Ron and Hermione had not
spoken again about her relationship with Draco. They went about as friends in
the public eye: they ate and studied together and conversed amicably. But their
conversations never broached anything personal, and they were characterized by
an awkwardness that made it difficult to be alone with one another. Hermione
admitted to herself that it was better than fighting with Ron or not speaking
to him, but she could tell that she was a long way from receiving his
acceptance or forgiveness.

Since their twelve-hour row and subsequent reconciliation,
Draco and Hermione had returned to a state of what passed for normalcy in their
relationship. Draco often visited her room at night or asked her to meet him in
the Room of Requirement. Sometimes he stayed and fell asleep beside her, but he
was always gone by morning.

There was no more discussion of Ron or of the War or of the
future. Hermione forced herself to ignore how gaunt Draco had begun to grow
again, how the mark on his arm seemed darker sometimes than it had been before.
She felt as if she were in a constant state of anxiously waiting for everything
to fall apart, while simultaneously pretending that it wouldn�t.

And so it happened that when everything changed abruptly, it
was for a reason that Hermione had all but forgotten about. She was studying in
the library after dinner one warm spring evening when Ron came to find her. She
didn�t want to speak to him at that moment. Things between them were still so
awkward and difficult to handle.

�Hermione,� he called as he approached her table. His face
was flushed with an emotion she couldn�t immediately identify.

�Not now, Ron.� She attempted to deter him by indicating the
books and parchment strewn across the table in front of her. �I�m trying to
finish my Arithmancy essay.�

�It�s Harry.�

She dropped her quill and locked eyes with Ron. Her heart seemed
to stop for a moment, frozen by fear.

At the look on her face, Ron quickly continued. �He�s all
right.�

Hermione let out a breath she hadn�t realized she�d been
holding. Leave it to Ron to scare her half to death by not thinking to reveal
that information first. �Then what is it?�

�He�s found one.� He gave her a significant look, wary of
Madam Pince�s presence. He could only be referring to one thing. �He needs our
help getting it.�

Her thoughts began to race wildly. �Where? Which one is it?�
She shook her head, knowing that he couldn�t answer those questions except in
private. �But school�s nearly over! What about our exams? How will we explain?�

A small smile tugged up the corner of Ron�s mouth as he
listened to her. It was the first real smile she had seen on his face since
before he had found out about Draco. And then his expression was serious again.

�I don�t know. But we have
to go.� He paused, remembering the current state of their relationship. �I
mean, I�m going to. But he�s asked
for you, too. He sent this.�

Ron held out a letter with her name on it, addressed unmistakably
in Harry�s handwriting. She accepted it wordlessly.

�I haven�t opened it,� Ron said as an afterthought, and
Hermione nodded as she broke the seal and unfolded the parchment.

Dear Hermione,

I�ve found one. Can�t
say much about it here. I know it�s rotten timing with the end of term coming
up, and I�ll understand if you want to wait and join us later, but I could
really use your help on this one. I realize now that I took for granted how
much I relied on having you around, and not just for your brains.

Ron�s told me about
Malfoy. Don�t be too hard on him about it. I got a less biased account from
Ginny after he told me. You know how I feel about Malfoy, and I won�t pretend
that I�m not bothered by it. Still, that doesn�t change how I feel about you.
It doesn�t for Ron, either. I think he�s only so upset because he cares so
much. We both want you to be happy, even though it�s hard to suppress the urge
to rush back to school and hex that ferret six ways from Tuesday. And Ron and I
both know we haven�t the right to tell you what to do.

I know Ron�s intent on
keeping you safe, but we�ll both feel better if you�re here, and we know that
you can take care of yourself. Don�t feel obligated, but do feel wanted.

Harry

Hermione had to wipe her eyes as she folded the parchment
back up and tucked it away in her bookbag. Ron, who had stood by quietly while
she read the letter, shifted awkwardly and looked as if he were about to leave.
Hermione stood and put her hand around his wrist gently, drawing him into an
embrace. After he recovered from his initial surprise, he ran his hand over her
back soothingly until the few small sobs she emitted subsided. She missed Harry
terribly, and she missed being close to Ron.

They had to go to Harry. Nothing was more important than
making sure he was safe and helping him destroy the horcruxes. Whatever
differences she and Ron had right now, they were united in their concern for
their friend.

It was only when Hermione returned to her bedroom that night
that she allowed herself to think about what all of this would mean for her
arrangement with Draco. It was the first time she was relieved to have slept
through the night without waking to find him at her window.

*****

The next day was agonizing.�
Part of her mind kept furiously turning over every alternative while another
had already accepted that there was no other way. This wasn�t only a question
of the fate of their world. It was Harry.
His fate was tied to that of every witch and wizard in Britain and beyond, but what
mattered most to Hermione was that she do everything she could to keep her
friend�all but her brother�safe.

And yet she knew that going to Harry�s aid would mean the
end of whatever it was that she and Draco had together. Standing by Harry�s
side would mean accepting once and for all that she was in the middle of a war,
and that the person that she�

A sob that was mixed with bitter laughter wracked her body
as she finally admitted the truth to herself. She clutched one of the four
posts that framed her bed for support. All intention of going down to dinner
was suddenly forgotten. Loved. The
person that she loved was for all
intents and purposes on the opposite side of that war. Whether he wanted to be
or not.

Months ago, after she and Draco had slept together for the
first time, she had evaded Ginny�s question of whether or not she was in love
with Draco. She hadn�t really known how she felt at the time. Everything was
mixed up together: lust and affection seemed so different but it was hard to
tell which of her actions were dictated by which feelings. She had simply felt
irrevocably and irresistibly drawn to Draco.

She now knew that she couldn�t have loved him back then. She
didn�t know him well enough. She still wasn�t certain that she knew him well at
all, but they had been through so much together. She had come to rely on him
for comfort and affirmation. She wanted him around. She hadn�t allowed herself
to really think about what that meant or how it was going to play out.

The fact of the matter was that it was always going to end
badly. Even if he could somehow feel the same way about her, how could they
overcome the fact that she was at the right hand of Wizardkind�s last hope for
salvation, while he was not only the son of one of Voldemort�s main followers
but also a marked Death Eater in his own right?

He had left all of that behind him. He had told her so on a
night that seemed an age ago, and she had believed him before she had ever known
that she could love him. She still believed him. But he had neither the freedom
nor the courage to help Harry and the Order of the Phoenix. She couldn�t ask
him to make that sacrifice even if he would. She could not ask him to betray
his family. Not for the sake of the Wizarding World, and certainly not for her
own sake.

Instead of glowing with the blissful acceptance of love
realized, Hermione felt that her heart was being crushed under the weight of
reality. She was a sensible person, and she had hidden long enough from the
truth: She loved Draco Malfoy. And though that seemed the most important thing
in the world to her in that moment, she knew that it meant nothing in the face
of what lay ahead.

She was certain that there could be no happy ending for
them.

*****

Dear Harry,

Of course I�ll join
you and Ron! You know that I�d hate to leave school when we�re so close to
finishing, but I know that helping you is the most important thing I can do
right now. Besides, if I don�t finish up this year then I�ll have to come back
and drag you and Ron with me to complete your education too, won�t I?

I sent you off with
most of the resources I�d collected, but there are some other things I can
bring with me that might help us. If we begin planning now we should be able to
join you in a few weeks. That should give you enough time to think of a way of
meeting up with us safely.

Please be careful, now
more than ever. It feels as if everything is accelerating, and we�ll need to
work quickly and carefully to keep ahead of the other side.

I�m looking forward to
seeing you!

Love from Hermione

There. No mention of Draco. And she resolved that she
wouldn�t ever mention him again. Not to her friends, not to anyone. All of that
would soon be over, and everyone would probably be better off for it.

As the school owl took wing Hermione gathered her things and
forced herself to clear her mind and prepare herself for lessons. Though any
coursework she did now wouldn�t matter, they had to keep acting as if nothing
had changed. They couldn�t risk anyone but Ginny knowing that they were leaving
until after they had already gone.

*****

Draco sighed in relief as he eased himself into the hot
bath. He was no longer allowed to use the Prefects� bath since his title had
been revoked, but he was grateful even for the far less opulent bathroom that
was open to the rest of the students.

He looked down at the mark on his left arm, its form
distorted by the clear water. For the first time in two days the pain was
bearable. Every muscle in his body was knotted from the tension caused by the
fire that burned beneath his skin. At times Draco had seriously entertained thoughts
of severing his arm at the elbow, or cutting the offending skin out of his arm.

Draco�s mind shifted back and forth between wondering what
had caused this surge of anger or glee�it was impossible to tell which�from the
Dark Lord and wondering egotistically if He occasionally sent an extra jolt of
pain Draco�s way every now and then to punish him and remind him of what the
Dark Lord did to traitors.

The hot water numbed the tattooed skin considerably, and
Draco found to his relief that the heat also helped some of his muscles to
relax a bit. He fervently wished that he could ask Hermione to massage some of
the headache-inducing knots out of his back and neck, but he was too proud to
admit to her that something had made him so tense.

He thought of her smooth, warm palms sliding over his skin
and longed to be in her bed. Everything there was warm and soothing and her
scent and closeness lulled him into sleep until the nightmares shook him into
consciousness once more.

When she wasn�t near it was Sixth Year all over again. He
ate and slept far less often than he ought to, and the health he had regained
since coming under the protection of the Order of the Phoenix and returning to
school was beginning to diminish again. A witch as observant as Hermione
couldn�t fail to have noticed the weight he�d lost, the dark patches beneath
his eyes. He was torn between feeling grateful to her for not asking about it
and craving her concern and comfort. But she had also seemed more sober in the
past few weeks. Less prone to smile. More fragile, perhaps. Maybe she was too
preoccupied with her own cares to worry about him.

The letters from his mother had grown shorter and less
frequent. He missed her terribly and worried for her safety. He even missed his
father and the way his approval always made Draco feel like he could do
anything. No matter how austere his parents could be, Draco had always felt
loved. He hadn�t realized how much that had meant to him until he had been
banished from the house where he had always been given whatever he wanted.

He was so tired. Everything ached. As his body became used
to the temperature of the water he felt the inner chill of fear and worry
seeping back into his bones. He wondered what he would do, where he would go
once school was over. He couldn�t go home. He couldn�t stay with her. There
would be nowhere to go.

A familiar ache grew in his throat and he choked back the
beginnings of tears. He refused to give in. He would enjoy what he had while he
had it, and when it was over he�d survive. The war would end one way or
another, and soon. If he lived through it, then he�d worry about the rest. It
was better that his mother wasn�t writing as much. She�d be safer that way.

Draco stepped out of the bath and began to dry his hair
roughly with a purple towel embossed with an H. He ran it over the rest of his
body and reached for his clothes. The fabric of his shirt scratched across his
forearm like sandpaper against a sunburn. He thought again of Hermione�s
soothing hands and gritted his teeth against the pain.

*****

Several hours of Draco�s evening were devoted to arguing
with himself about whether or not to go to Hermione�s room. He realized with
chagrin that he had no interest in sex that evening. Not even to make him
forget his fears. He was bone-tired and desperately needed a good night�s
sleep. He wouldn�t get that if he slept alone.

When he stepped through her window it was well after
midnight and he found her sleeping. He kicked off his shoes and slipped beneath
the duvet as quietly as he could. Her familiar scent surrounded him and he
relaxed against the pillow he had come to consider his. He thought that he had
succeeded in not waking her, but as the covers began to warm him she stirred.

She didn�t say a word. She didn�t even look up at him. She simply
nestled herself against his side, her cheek resting against his shoulder. He
hesitated for a moment, but in for a penny, in for a pound. He shifted and
pulled her closer. Her arm rested against his chest and she sighed sleepily.
Before long she had fallen asleep again as if it were perfectly natural that he
should be there. And in a way, it was.

He drifted off to sleep listening to the rhythm of her slow,
even breathing. He woke suddenly three hours later, his heart racing beneath
her small hand. His forearm throbbed as he shook the usual images�the Dark Lord�s
snakelike face laughing cruelly, his mother crumpled lifeless in the dirt,
Hermione screaming as the Cruciatus Curse wracked her body�out of his head.

This was the point when he usually left. This was when he�d
give up on sleep and go back to his dormitory and lie in bed until dawn,
exhausted but completely awake, staring at the canopy of his four-poster.

But this time he couldn�t stand the thought of leaving. Not
when she was so warm against him and the fact that she was unhurt proved that
his nightmares hadn�t yet come true. He�d stay just an hour or so more. No one
would even know he�d been gone.

He was surprised to find later that he had slept easily
until morning.

*****

Light flooded in through the room�s one window. Hermione
stirred and opened her eyes. What day was it? What time was it? Monday. She had
lessons. She�d better get up, then.

She tried to move, but the weight of Draco�s arm inhibited her.
Why was he still there? She remembered him waking her briefly with his arrival
in the middle of the night, but he had never stayed in her room until morning
before. He wasn�t supposed to be there in the morning: people might see him if
they came to find her, or he might be caught flying out of her window!

He opened his eyes and looked at her, and then around her
room as if not quite certain how he had gotten there. When he registered the
look of panic in her eyes he sat bolt upright.

�It�s morning,� he said with surprise as he hastily wiped
the sleep out of his eyes.

�Yes, and we�ve got lessons today!� Hermione got out of bed
and began rummaging through her closet.

�Fuck!� Draco cursed as he pulled on his shoes. His clothes
were a wrinkled mess. How was he going to get back into his dormitory without
being seen? There was no way he�d be able to fly when it was light out. That
left him with only one option: he had to sneak out through Gryffindor Tower.

Hermione stopped halfway through buttoning her shirt and
stared at him. �How are you going to leave without being seen?�

Draco grumbled in irritation. �I�ll have to sneak out after
you.�

�And how exactly are you planning on �sneaking out�?� Her
voice contained a patronizing note.

Draco rolled his eyes and picked up his broomstick in one
hand and his wand in the other. He pointed his wand at himself and recited the
incantation nonverbally.

Hermione gasped as he disappeared before her eyes: wand,
broom, and all.

�You know how to cast the Disillusionment Charm?� she asked,
impressed.

�I wasn�t a bloody Death Eater for nothing,� growled the
disembodied, but clearly annoyed, voice of Draco. �Now hurry up. I�m going to
be late as it is, and McGonagall doesn�t need another reason to give me
detention.�

Hermione quickly finished dressing. She wasn�t ready to talk
to him yet. She had to figure out how to tell him that she was leaving, or if
she was even going to tell him at all.

When she had tamed her hair satisfactorily and gathered her
things, she felt a weight fall on her shoulder. She jumped and felt the twigs
of Draco�s broomstick touch her leg.

�Don�t sneak up on me like that!�

His low chuckle rumbled near her left ear. Hermione gave an
exasperated sigh and slung her bookbag over her shoulder.

�Are you ready?�

�Yeah,� Draco replied, getting a firm grip on Hermione�s
shoulder so that he could stay close enough to follow her through doors and
make sure no one ran into him.

They made it out of her room, down the stairs and through
the portrait hole without incident. It seemed as if most of the other
Gryffindors had already gone down to breakfast. When the portrait closed behind
them, Draco released Hermione�s shoulder.

�Where are you?� she whispered tentatively as she readjusted
her bag.

Draco moved behind her and rested a hand on her hip. It was
probably best not to speak in case anyone followed them out of the portrait
hole and happened to hear him.

Hermione hesitated. �Will you meet me tonight?�

�Where?� The faint whisper was hot against her ear and she
shivered. She could feel his warmth against her back. Maybe it would be better
not to tell him. Maybe she could simply leave.

But then she would truly be the coward that he had said she
was.

�The Room of Requirement,� she said as loudly as she dared.

She heard and felt him shift, then �All right� was breathed
against her lips before he kissed her. She had to close her eyes because it was
too strange not to see him in front of her. The ache he always ignited within
her began to stir as he bit her lower lip gently, and she pulled away. She
didn�t want to arrive to class with lust-darkened lips and eyes.

By the time she reached out to figure out where he was, he
had gone.

*****

A/N: Whew! How are all of you? I feel like it�s been forever
since I updated, but I hope that the wait hasn�t been awful for you guys. I�ve
been very busy with real life lately, but I do intend to keep up with the fic.
The good (and bad) news is that I have the rest of the fic planned out, and
there will be three more chapters and an epilogue, so the fic will be a total
of thirty parts in the end. It�s bittersweet to see the story come to a close,
but it�s reaching its logical conclusion and I hope you all will like where I
take it in the end. I know I can�t please everyone, but I�m trying my best to
be true to the spirit of this story and bring it home realistically.

Thanks go to my beta, Twist Shimmy, as always. This
particular chapter was difficult for me to write because I was sick when I
wrote it, but Twist knows my style so well that she helped me edit it intensely
until it sounded like my style again. What would I do without her? Thank you
all for reading and I hope that you continue to enjoy the story.

angeles�Thanks! Yes, I really want Ron and Hermione to
reconcile and I think they�re slowly getting there. Ron�s not a bad guy, he
just loves Hermione.

Terrie�That�s a wonderful compliment: I strive for realism.
I really don�t like stories where Ron is vilified. I think in a lot of ways he�s
justified in his mistrust of and antipathy towards Draco. But I like to think
that if it came down to it, he�d want what�s best for Hermione, even if it was
hard.

WesleyY7�Thanks! :D That part was a lot of fun to write. I
wanted to make the fight between them less intense by adding some melodramatic
humor. I hope it worked! I�m glad you like my Ron. I agree, I dislike it when
other authors vilify him. I think his feelings about Draco are often justified,
and I think he loves Hermione enough that any bad reactions would come out of
the fact that he cares about her and is wary of Draco hurting her. I hope that
this chapter has assured you that Ron and Hermione will remain friends in spite
of everything. I like to think that their relationship is strong enough to
survive this. It�ll just take time. As for Draco, you�re absolutely right. He�s
going to have to make a choice, and soon. Don�t worry about getting too deep, I
like that kind of feedback! But of course I�m glad you thought the sex was hot
;). I really love the rough ear whispering as well. I hope I don�t use that
trick too much, but I just love it so much.

mag7ical�Thank you! I�ve had to carefully help Draco become
more affectionate in ways that I feel are in line with who he is and realistic
in terms of his character progression. The fact that you feel it�s realistic is
a big compliment!

shechosedown�Why thank you! I do strive for complexity, so
it�s good to hear that you think I�ve achieved it :). And wow, �the most canon
Draco you�ve ever seen�? That�s an amazing compliment! That makes me really
happy. I�ve struggled so much with how to keep him in character but allow for
him to progress given the course of his relationship with Hermione. I�m pretty
happy with how I�ve done so far but it�s a constant struggle. Lastly, I love
the term �in spades.�

MegNutz�Very true! Thanks for your sympathy and I�m glad you
liked the chapter!

Draco_Lover�Yeah, I think Draco and Hermione have some
communication issues, so I�m not surprised they had that row, but I think they
got over it in a relatively short time considering who they are. Yes, I think
that Ron�s initial reaction was with regard to his hatred of Malfoy, but at
heart Ron loves Hermione, and he wants her to be safe, and he�s upset that he
missed his chance. I hope that this chapter reassured you that their friendship
can withstand this. Thanks!

kazfeist�Yeah, I used the term �epic struggle� with a smile
on my face. Glad you liked the fight/resolution. I thought it said a lot about
their relationship and it was fun to write. Unfortunately the wand wasn�t
really a problem or a symbol�just a sign that Draco wanted to lose himself in
her and forget about everything else. Though if you want it to be a symbol then
have at it! I would love to be that deep ;)

caseyjarryn�Me too! I think they�re working on it, but they�re
both so stubborn!

ebonyeyez1�No no, it�s not the last chapter. We�ve got a few
more to go left! Just bear with me for a few more weeks and I hope you�ll like
the real ending.

Uliani�Thanks! I try to update as often as I can.
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Lessons and Obsessions