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Why him?	By : imera Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 14815 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and do not make any money writing this story, it all belongs to J.K.Rowling

Chapter List
- 25
- 26
- 27
AN : So what do you all think will happen between them? Let me know because I love hearing from you.

The next chapter is the last one, and it will be uploaded later today or tomorrow morning.

PS: those that might like my stories should head over to ff because I won't upload any other stories here, more information in my profile.

-o-

My mind was set on staying in Germany until Harry had left; that would be the easiest thing to do, but something inside of me pulled me towards the fireplace, and even if I tried to fight it I knew letting him go wouldn�t work.

"Harry?" I called out when I finally reached our apartment.

There was no response. At first I thought I was late, but then I heard something in the bedroom, something soft and soothing; Harry was humming a song. Slowly I walked over to the bedroom and pushed open the door; Harry, who was relaxing on the bed, sat up and smiled.
"You came!" he screamed out hysterically. Before I had the chance to say or do anything, he'd literally jumped off the bed and attacked me with a big hug, followed by multiple kisses on my neck, cheek and mouth. I wanted to tell him the truth but decided against it, not that I thought I had the chance to say anything between Harry's kisses and hands that were caressing every part of me. Before I knew what was happening Harry pulled me towards the bed and let himself fall down while still holding me, pulling me down over him. "Take off your shirt," Harry said between his moans and gasps, I did as he ordered.

Before we knew it we were both naked in the bed, and it didn't take long before we found the jar with lube and began preparing each other. Of course Harry took more time to prepare since he, apparently, hadn't done anything since the last time we were together, while I on the other hand had been fucking around like a rabbit. Of course I wouldn't tell him, and he couldn't be that oblivious.

I wanted Harry to be the one to receive first, and as I slowly pushed my cock into him, I revelled in every gasp of pain and pleasure he made. Soon I was completely inside of him, and I slowly started to move out before I pushed my cock in again, making him squirm beneath me. The speed of my thrusts increased as I felt Harry relax, and when I reached my maximum speed I felt my balls prepare themselves for the orgasm that was soon to come. Just as I was on the edge, I pulled out of Harry and squeezed my cock so I wouldn't come yet. When I was sure I would last a little longer, I lay down and Harry - who was already up - moved between my legs, and started to push his own cock inside of me before he moved in the same way I did. He started slowly at first but soon increased his speed, causing both of us to come almost at the same time.

When we were both done Harry pulled out of me and lay down next to me with one arm covering my chest, I could still remember how he liked to cuddle afterwards so I didn't say anything, even if I wanted to pull away and take a shower. Soon we were both relaxed, and even if it wasn't intended we both fell asleep.

I woke later that evening to find that it was still dark outside, but light enough that I didn't have to turn on any lights to make my way around the apartment. Silently I made my way over to the shower and stood beneath the hot water, moaning when I realized what had just happened; I had come back to Harry. Even if I tried I wouldn't be able to leave him now. I care about him way too much to want to leave him forever. But even if I want to stay with him I could still feel the urge to want to go out and find some random guy or girl, flirt with them before going home with them and fucking their brains out. I know it's wrong to think that way, even if I haven't actually cheated yet, but I couldn't help it; I was addicted to the rush I got when I found someone new. I loved the flirting between me and a complete stranger who could react in so many unknown ways. I loved the hunt.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard someone muttering something from the bedroom, a faint light came on and I realized Harry was up as well. I couldn't help but feel sad for Harry, who would never be able to have me all for himself. A few seconds after the light came on Harry entered the bathroom. He was naked with a sly smile planted on his lips.

"Thought you could take a shower without me?" he teased. I smiled back before moving so he could stand beneath the hot water. As soon as Harry was wet I grabbed him and gave him a long and passionate kiss, that quickly turned itself into something more with me kneeling on the wet tiles, giving Harry, what I knew had to be, an amazing blow job. As soon as we were both washed we walked back into the bedroom again, kissing each other until we both landed on the bed. Then it was Harry's time to give me a blow job, not that I required one.

At the end of the day, we had both come three times each. Happy and exhausted we went to bed to sleep the second time that day, Harry with his arms wrapped around me. I could hear his breath slowing down and I knew he had fallen asleep within a few seconds. I managed to break myself out from his embrace so I could turn around and watch him sleep, pathetic but sometimes I need to do such stupid things. A candle was still burning in the room, which gave me the opportunity to study Harry. He hadn't changed that much since the last time we saw each other; his hair was still messy and out of control, and his scar was still visible beneath the heavy, dark bangs. It might be the light but I thought I could see a few scars that crossed his skin. Of course I vaguely knew what they were caused by, but yet I still found myself wanting to know the whole story behind them. However, I supposed that would have to wait till the morning seeing as Harry probably wouldn't appreciate being woken up just so he could retell his adventures with the Mudblood and the Weasel. Placing a hand over his, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind from from every thought that could destroy my attempt from sleeping, but try as I might, I was still haunted by thoughts of betrayal, thoughts of other men's torsos and and girls breasts, thoughts of me doing sexual things to those strangers bodies. Finally, though, after all those thoughts and feelings, I somehow managed to fall into a dreamless sleep.

The first week of us together passed without many problems, setting up a system that worked for both of us took a little trial an failure, but by the end of that week we'd both started working well around each other. The only thing that changed was my job's location, three days after our reunion I left to go to Egypt because of some problem that was caused by a dragon. I was only gone for twelve hours but that still gave me enough time to find someone and fuck them, it was wrong but I couldn't control myself when the boy practically threw himself at me. Harry of course never knew about my affair, and I wasn't planning to tell him since I didn't want to loose him.

"Do you think we can ever become anything more than lovers?" Harry asked one day after sex. I really wanted to pretend that I didn't hear him but that wouldn't stop him from asking again. Sighing, I sat up and looked down at him, trying to come up with an answer that wouldn't destroy what we already had together.

"There is a small chance that we can end up in a really long relationship, but because I can't see the future I don't really know Harry," I was pleased with my answer but Harry wasn't. As soon as I'd finished, he sat up and stared at me before asking another ridiculous question.

"Do you care about me?"

I scoffed. "What a silly question to ask a man that came back to you, Harry."

"Please answer me," he begged quietly.

I stared at him a second or two before answering. "Yes, I care about you. A lot apparently, because I find myself putting up a fight to that stupid question."

"I love you," he said, seemingly out of the blue.

When I heard those three words come out of his mouth I wanted to run. Of course, I've had various other lovers who insisted they loved me, but not in the same way as Harry. They'd said it after spending a night with me, which would undoubtedly have been something to remember. As soon as I was over the shock of Harry telling me that he loved me, I feared I would have to say it back, but luckily for me Harry continued to talk, which meant he wasn't expecting me to respond.

"Do you want to eat outside today?" he asked weakly, as though trying to cover up his previous outburst. "I feel like eating something prepared by a stranger."

I smiled as I realised Harry was probably trying to ease the tension for me. I sat closer to him, ran my fingers through his unruly locks before agreeing.

-o-

By the end of the third month we were together I had only slept with four strangers. It was a pretty low number when I thought back to the last part of our relationship before Harry had to leave me, where I had at least four strangers a week. Maybe the number was so low now because I had sex with Harry at least two times a day, therefore my sexual needs were taken care of. But just because those needs were cared for, didn't mean that my mind stopped fantasizing about other people. After trying to hold back my insane addiction, I finally cracked; I lied to Harry, telling him I had to go out on a nightly mission to Denmark. He didn't question me, only made me promise to come back as soon as I was done.

The first place I went after I left Harry was a crowded club. If anyone had the desire to disappear in the crowd, then that was definitely the right place to go. Without hesitationm, I set my eyes on a man that looked like he was out for a little fun. Not long after our eyes met for the first time, we began flirting; I constantly told him how sexy he was the way he was moving to the music, and how much I wanted to fuck him. The boy - who introduced himself as Michael - soaked up all the praise like his life depended on it. After a quarter of an hour or so in the club, where I constantly begged him to take me with him to his apartment, he agreed, and we pushed our way out of the crowded club. As soon as we were outside in a dark part of the street I kissed him, giving him a taste of what was soon to come.

"Brace yourself," he said, and I smiled, knowing he would apparate us straight over to his home. Once we were inside, I took a second to familiarize myself with the surroundings. The whole apartment oozed 'bachelor'; none of the furniture felt inviting at all. Sniffing at the tacky main room, I focused all of my attention onto Michael and asked him, in my most sensual voice, where the bedroom was. Michael hadn't noticed my distain for his choice of design, or if he had then he didn't care. As soon as I received his directions to the bedroom, I made my way over to it, opening my shirt as I went. Michael soon followed.

"Get on the bed," I ordered briskly.

Michael smirked. "As you command, Master," he responded, while he let himself fall down onto the bed, lifting his hands above his head as though they were tied together with invisible rope. At the submissive position, I realised at once what he had in mind; my time with Michael would be well spent, no fuzzing around with getting to know each other, just pure, unadulterated sex.

I crawled above him and smirked, before reaching for my wand and fulfilling his wish of being tied up.

-o-

I had Michael tied up for over three hours. Over that time I had come twice, but Michael none, though that was all down to my wishes. I gave him water to drink in case he was dehydrated and set the bonds to release him in an hour. Before I left I told him I might look him up the next time I was searching for some fun.

I felt quite relaxed when I stepped into my own apartment. Unlike the one I had left, this was warm, and it had colours and shapes that invited me to sit down and relax. When I sat down I placed my feet high up on the table, and, when I found the right angle, I closed my eyes and rested my hands on my stomach. I wondered for a second where Harry was until I remembered it was late at night and he was probably sleeping. Since I didn't want to go to bed smelling like I did I decided to go and shower first.

I had just turned on the hot water and soaped my torso when the bathroom door opened and Harry walked in. Because the glass doors were charmed not to fog I could see he wasn't in a good mood; his eyes were burning into me and he was waiting impatiently for me to stop the shower. Deciding to do as he silently commanded, I turned off the shower and opened the glass door that had separated us.

"How did it go in Denmark?" he asked stiffly. I wasn't fooled by his question and knew at once that he must have known something, or felt betrayed for some reason.

"It wasn't how I imagined, but it was fine," I responded casually.

"Yeah? Well, I must really suck in geography because I didn't think that Denmark was the gay club down in central London," he spat. I knew better than to deny it; he was either there and saw me, or had someone else following me.

"So I'm not allowed to go out and have some fun?" I asked, folding my arms.

Harry ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "If you wanted to go clubbing you should have just told me, Blaise. Don't lie to me about going somewhere else when you're just going out to dance." For a second I thought that was everything he knew, that he might not know about Michael... "I don't have a problem with that, but I do have a problem with lying, cheating bastards like you. I could forgive you for lying about where you were going, but not when I know that you went home with some random bloke!" Harry was shouting now. I figured that whatever I said wouldn't change his mind so I kept quiet. "I was ready to leave this apartment when I heard about you, but I think it's your turn to leave." When Harry was done he waited a few seconds before turning around and leaving the bathroom; maybe he'd thought I would deny everything. Wrapping a towel round my bottom half, I walked into the bedroom where Harry was laying in the bed. He'd stacked several pillows on top of each other, forming a line down the middle of the bed to seperate us. At least he wasn't expecting me to sleep on the sofa.

"I should never have come back to you after your disappearing number, but I did, Harry," I said coldly. "I decided to give you a chance. But unlike you, I had no idea what I was getting into while you were away. I knew that you would eventually have to fight the Dark Lord but I had no idea you would leave me without even telling me if you would be back. At least you knew what I would be doing back here, but what did I know about you? Nothing. You could have been killed and I wouldn't have known! At least you knew I would be fucking others." I paused, a thought popping into my head. "Yet still you wanted to stay with me." I hadn't really thought about what I was going to say but I knew I didn't care about the outcome; if Harry wanted this to end then I would be the one standing.

"So this guy isn't the first one?" Harry asked indifferently. For a second I thought he was acting stupid on purpose, but, luckily, I quickly realized he didn't know about any of my previous lovers.

"No," I said bluntly. Since he wanted me gone then he should at least know the truth. "Including tonight, I've had four since being back together with you. I've lost count of how many I was with during the time you were away. Even before you left I had found multiple wizards and witches to spend the night with." Harry looked like he was being tugged back and forth between pain and anger. "It's not that I didn't try and stop, Harry. I just couldn't ignore the need to find someone new and fuck them."

"I had no idea that our relationship really meant that little to you," he said quietly, "but I guess it's stupid of me to think that you might change for me."

"Why should I, Harry? Yes, I care about you, but do you honestly think I'm capable of the mushy love that your friends seem to obtain so easily?"

"Why not?" he bit back defensively.

"Because," I began, only to find out that I didn't really have any real reason. So I tried my charming technique. "Because I'm not as good as you Harry. I am a Slytherin, after all."

"That is no excuse, and I don't care about that!" Harry exclaimed. "I care about you."

At this comment I knew he would never stop thinking that we could have a future together as long as he thought I still cared for him.

"I never intended for something this big to happen," I said, letting out some issues I'd thought I'd buried and forgotten about, deep within my mind. "I only wanted a quick fuck from you. You were just a prize." Even I winced at my cruel words, and I thought that maybe Harry would finally stop thinking the way he did once I told him it hadn't meant anything, but I was wrong again.

"But you still came back to me! Not only now, but at school as well! I know that you want to be with me." His tone, although loud, sounded unsure.

"You're so stupid, Harry," I breathed. "Why the hell do you destroy yourself with these foolish thoughts? I only wanted fuck you, that's the real story. I came back because, strangely enough, I wanted to see where this was going."

I was now pacing back and forth, trying to figure out what to tell him next. Should I continue to say hurtful things? Or should I try and tell him that he was better than me? It wasn't an easy decision, but in the end I decided to treat him well. "You deserve someone who will stay faithful, you deserve someone who can love you until death and beyond, you deserve someone who is better than me. I won't be able to stay faithful, and believe me, I've tried, but when there is an opportunity I grab it. And the times I do remain faithful get me so worked up and stressed that, usually, I end up going out and searching for a shag." Harry didn't say anything. I thought that by this time he would be throwing objects at me, or at least shouting about how disappointed he was, or maybe even cry from the betrayal. So I continued. "You only want to be with me because I was your First. I'm sure that if someone else beat me to it, you would have fallen in love with them instead." It was the last thing I planned to say, but maybe it was this that would make him see that whatever we have is fake.

"If you wish I'll leave tonight. I don't want to cause you more sorrow." I went back into the bathroom to clean myself up, I would finish my shower somewhere else. When I re-entered the bedroom, fully-dressed and decent, I saw that Harry was gone. For a second I thought he had fled the apartment, then realised that he was probably sitting on the sofa with a glass filled with an alcoholic substance in his hand, and I was right. Harry didn't look up at me even when I stood besides him. Because I didn't want to destroy the progression I was making, I decided to say nothing that could make him want to fight for my affection.

"I'll come back tomorrow to gather my things." That was the last thing I said to him before I left him in peace, hoping he would recover from my betrayal, because the last thing I wanted was to cause him long-term, severe depression.

It was late at night, and instead of bothering a friend I decided to check into a hotel; a hot bath and a nice and comfortable bed would surely clear my mind.

The bath itself was relaxing, but not helpful. Not only had I failed to get Harry out of my mind, but now I was beginning to regret my decission to release him from me. I know it wouldn't be fair to keep him since I couldn't stop fucking others; Harry deserved more than that. Maybe if I'd told him earlier on then he would be able to help me. There was, after all, ways to cure such things. Deciding to think of it as wishful thinking I pushed it out of my mind. I'm not of the monogamy type; Harry wouldn't be able to hold me for himself.

Closing my eyes I tried to think of something completely different, but ended up pondering why everything was happening me. Why was I the first boyfriend of Harry Potter? Why was I the one going after him? And why couldn't I be happy with him alone? Harry was a good match in bed, and yet still I craved to fuck strangers. There was another thing that I couldn't ignore, too; why was it that Harry was the one I ran after? Why him? He wasn't really of any importance, besides the fact that he was Harry Potter, the saviour of the wizard world, the Chosen One. But why was he important to me? I admit that his titles did give me a little extra push, but the titles alone aren't enough for me to wish to stay with anyone.

As much as I pondered on everything, I realized that there wasn't any real answer. Harry was the one I wanted because he was Harry; he was different from everyone else, but in a good way. Even after what happened at school Harry still wanted to be with me, and he still believed I was a good guy. I could see the innocence in him when I realized he had no idea I had been cheating on him.

But he wasn't that innocent; I had to remind myself that he had fought the Dark Lord, and won, so surely he must have done something that couldn't be labelled as innocent.

My life had changed and turned into something strange, but not so much that I hated it.

Assuring myself that the end of our relationship was for the best I decided to get some rest. I got out of the bath, into bed, and closed my eyes, forcing myself to think of nothing. In the end I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remembered was waking up in a sun filled room.
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