Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

The Heart of the Matter	By : Jad Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 7323 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 25
- 26
Thank you all for the wonderful comments! I will update as quickly as I can -- for those of you wondering when then the sparks will start to fly, hopefully this chapter gives you something to look forward to :)

Laeki - sorry about that, I posted this chapter, then saw a massive amount of errors had happened due to AFFs silly posting interface. It wasn't something I could fix quickly -- I was forced to delete the chapter and make the corrections before re-posting it. Hopefully it will be working now for you!

Chapter Twenty-Six

'It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.'

- Bill Watterson

: : :

Draco Malfoy was in serious trouble.

His inner turmoil wasn't outwardly apparent over the weekend; the wild scramble of anyone even remotely interested in Quidditch was distracting, and even in the late hours of the night, Draco was often too exhausted to give it much thought. The fact that Potter spent Saturday in his room on a cot after a couple of hours of Occluemcy lessons (fully rested, Potter was actually making a little progress, but not quick enough for Draco's comfort) wasn't exactly helping his predicament.

It wasn't until Sunday afternoon, when the pitch had been booked solid by each captain, that Draco started to really appreciate the problem.

Booked solid or not, no one really paid any attention to which team was up for tryouts at any specific time. Mostly they took turns, the rest of the hopeful players lounging in the last remnants of the autumn sun, watching their competition try out.

Oddly enough, Potter didn't want to captain as Draco thought he would. He passed the torch to Weasley, which Draco was less than happy about, mostly because it was a smart move. Weasley might be an idiot about a lot of things, but he took Quidditch more seriously than any of his classes. He was shaping up to be another Oliver Wood, from the way he drove his tryouts. More than half of those who didn't make the cut left the pitch in tears, or close to it.

Potter insisted on trying out for Seeker, which everyone – even Draco – knew was a moot point, but in an effort of fairness, Weasley rolled his eyes and waved his permission. Ginny actually did pretty well, but even Draco knew she was more Chaser material – she'd be an even more impressive Beater, if she had the physique to match her temper. Ravenclaw, who would be cross-teaming with Gryffindor, didn't have anyone who even came close. Smith was less than pleased that both versions of his opposing teams would have to match up against Potter's skill at Seeking.

'Perks wasn't half bad,' Zacharias huffed, collapsing in the grass beside Draco. 'I don't see why Potter gets to hog the pitch.'

'Perks wasn't half good, either,' Draco pointed out fairly. 'Potter's not even on his Firebolt.'

Zacharias glanced over at the mahogany wood balanced lovingly in Draco's lap. 'Haven't given it back yet?'

'It may have slipped my mind,' Draco said, smirking like the devil.

'See you forget to give it back before the first game, too, why don't you.'

If only, Draco thought. But he was pretty sure Potter would bring it up sooner rather than later. 'How're we doing?'

'Eh, I'm less than pleased with Zeller for Keeper, she's too small, she'll get eaten alive; Hopkins will be a decent Beater, though, he broke the first bat we gave him.' Zacharias shot a sidelong look at Draco. 'Are you sure you don't want to Seek?'

'Why bother?' Draco said, watching Potter spin artfully through the air above him. 'We're not going to beat them to the Snitch. We need to win on points.'

'I hated Chasing,' Smith said, shrugging. 'I was so glad when Summerby didn't come back. Still, I didn't think I'd be shadowing him through every game,' he muttered darkly, eyes also following Potter dash past overhead.

'It'll be easier to captain as Seeker if you worry less about the Snitch and more about the goals,' Draco pointed out. 'He's going to get it, no matter what you do. Even if he's on a Cleansweep.' Zacharias scowled and Draco continued: 'Concentrate instead on blocking an early catch, and drowning them in points.'

Zacharias laughed, shaking his head. 'You're all dirty cheats.'

'It's not cheating,' Draco insisted, because it wasn't. 'It's called strategy. We've got a pair of Beaters that could down a Norwegian Ridgeback. Let's put them to good use.'

'And what do you propose we do about scoring? Even if we can hold Potter off, we still have to get past their Keeper.'

Draco smirked. 'Leave Weasley to me.'

: : :

Chaser tryouts went last because they took the longest, what with having to not only find players with talent on a broom but also chemistry flying together. With Potter's Firebolt between his legs, Draco easily outstripped every other hopeful on the pitch, scoring seven goals in as little as ten minutes. Most of the other students, spots earned or not, filtered their way back up towards the castle in hope for an early dinner long before the teams had finalised their rosters. The locker rooms were deserted aside from the last Chasers to make the cut, and a few other teammates that had lingered to watch.

'Chaser, huh,' Potter muttered, brushing past Draco's shoulder, towelling his hair dry. 'Tired of getting beat to the Snitch?'

'Tired of looking at your arse all game long, more like,' Draco countered. 'Worried, Potter?'

'Hardly.' Potter's eyes found the broom in Draco's hand. 'I also want my broom back.'

'Why? You got the position just fine on your borrowed Cleansweep.'

'Sirius gave it to me, that's why.' Potter tilted his head, giving Draco a good look; Draco tried not to squirm. He was becoming readily more aware of his body's traitorous reactions whenever Potter fixed him with a scrutinising gaze. It did not help that Potter was only clad in a towel, water still beading along his naked chest and trickling down the dark trail of hair that disappeared beneath the towel. 'But if you're that worried about losing...' he continued, shrugging. 'I suppose you can borrow it. I could do with a challenge.'

He left Draco standing by the showers, gaping at his back.

: : :

Potter didn't show up at Draco's room that night, which was just as well, because by the time Draco got back (dinner was just about over, and anyway, he wasn't hungry for food) Pansy was already waiting for him, hands on her hips.

'Don't even think about changing the subject,' she warned.

Draco didn't give her a chance to get going. Sliding his hands around her waist, he cut off any further argument with a demanding kiss.

That seemed to do the trick; Pansy gave up and leaned in, mouth open and willing. When his hands drifted down to her hips her arms curled around his neck. Draco shifted forward and then her legs were over his hips, his hands under her thighs. She didn't resist when he carried her over to the bed, hands tangling in his hair, the soft curves of her body arching as he climbed over her. He shoved her hips down with his own, making his intentions perfectly clear. Pansy made a little noise into his mouth.

She didn't speak until he came up for air, just long enough to shed his Quidditch gear off. 'What did I say about changing the subject,' she said, breathless, but stilled him with a hand to his chest as he leaned back in. 'Wait.'

Draco paused, stomach contracting in panic. 'Do you not want to?'

'No, I – ' she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes briefly before looking at him again. She bit her bottom lip, fingers tracing the faint line of the scar along his chest. 'Where's your wand?'

Draco wasn't exactly proficient with non-verbal spells, much less wandless magic, but apparently his hormones had some positive effect on his abilities. He'd barely thought wand! and the wood slapped itself into his palm. He let Pansy take it from him, and noted with some pleasure the shy blush blooming over her cheeks as she whispered 'Cingo conceptus.' She let out a heavy breath and went to toss the wand away, then paused. She narrowed her eyes. 'You haven't done this with anyone else, have you?'

'Er,' Draco said, feeling himself flush.

'I'll take that as a no,' Pansy said, smirking and chucking the wand aside. She pulled him back down into a kiss, legs twining over his lower back.

Draco kissed her back, hands on her thighs and crawling higher, pressing the hem of her skirt up farther before pulling back, hands bracing himself up on either side of her chest. 'Have you?'

Pansy rolled her eyes at him, and pulled her shirt over her head.

They didn't talk a lot after that.

: : :

'What the hell is wrong with you?' Blaise asked when Draco slipped into the seat beside him for Transfiguration the next morning.

Draco smirked. What was "wrong" with him might've had something to do with the naked body curled against his own when he woke up that morning, or the way Pansy hadn't been exactly shy with her hands after he'd kissed her awake.

Draco's smirk grew. 'Absolutely nothing.'

Blaise wasn't the only person to notice Draco Malfoy grinning like an idiot. First Years who were used to being shoved aside with a sneer gaped in his wake when he only apologised for brushing past, Flitwick told him he should lay off the Pepper-Up potion, and when Weasley remarked rather loudly that Draco must have finally cracked, Draco didn't even take points.

'If I'd known a shag was all it took to calm you down, I would have given it up years ago,' Pansy murmured in his ear at lunch. Draco, never one for public displays of affection, snogged her silly right in front of their dubious housemates. He didn't stop until Pansy pinched him. 'Boys,' she said, shaking her head.

He didn't see Potter until Potions. They were milling around outside of the classroom, waiting for Snape to make his appearance, when the Gryffindor trio arrived. Weasley gave Draco a suspicious look as he sauntered over, and squawked in protest when Draco took Potter by the collar and dragged him aside.

'It's fine, Ron,' Potter said, shrugging Draco off but following him a little further away. 'What?'

'How'd you sleep last night?'

Potter raised his eyebrows. 'Beg pardon?' Draco just fixed him with a look before Potter caught up, apprehension dawning in his eyes. 'Oh. Um.' He shrugged. 'All right, I guess. I figured you were sick of me hogging your room.'

'You have no idea,' Draco said, with feeling. 'Still, you need a lot more work.'

'Yeah, and I still need to teach you the Patronus Charm,' Potter pointed out. 'When's your next free period?'

And that was how Draco found himself in the Room of Requirement the following afternoon, on his arse and covered in cold sweat.

'Here, eat this,' Potter said, tossing him a bar of chocolate. Draco just stared at him. 'Trust me, it helps a lot.'

Climbing gingerly to his feet, Draco took a bite; the effect was almost immediate as he swallowed, warmth flowing through his chest. He took another bite. 'You said Lupin taught you how to do this?'

'Yeah, but it was easier, we just used a Boggart,' Potter admitted. At Draco's enquiring look, he elaborated: 'My Boggart always takes the form of a Dementor, so we just practiced that way.'

That certainly explained why Lupin hadn't let Potter participate in their Boggart exercises in Third Year, Draco noted. 'Yeah, well, maybe my attempts would be a little more successful with an actual Dementor than just the memory of one.'

For lack of a Dementor, they were using the Pensieve and one of Potter's darker memories. Potter had let him just watch it through the first time, and Draco had been surprised to find himself standing in Little Whinging, watching Potter and his Muggle cousin get attacked by two of the creatures that had gone rogue. Draco wondered why he didn't just use the memory from the pub a few weeks ago, but then again, it saved Draco having to see Theodore pinning Potter to the wall every go.

'I doubt it,' Potter said. 'Do you want to go again?'

Draco wasn't much better at this than Potter was at Occlumency. Hours later, all he managed to produce was a weak silver mist; the Dementors in the memory may not have been real, but the cold, sick feeling and the terrible memories they triggered were extremely real as far as Draco could tell. He kept at it anyway, determined not to be outdone by the powerful, ghostly stag that shot by at the end of every turn of the memory.

'I think that's enough,' Potter said after a while. 'We're going to miss dinner.'

Draco didn't argue. What he really wanted was a long, hot bath, but they'd skipped lunch to do this, so he followed Potter down to the Great Hall. He didn't realise they were walking shoulder-to-shoulder until they'd passed through the doors and all chatter immediately ceased; four tables full of students gaped at the pair of them. Before Draco could escape, Potter caught him by the elbow and said, far too loudly, 'You free tomorrow night?'

Well aware that people were staring – and those within earshot raising their eyebrows or whispering to each other – Draco just nodded and pulled away, hurrying over to the Slytherin table. It took him a minute to realise exactly what Potter had said, and how it would appear to anyone unaware of their arrangement. Which was, well, everyone.

'You two seem awfully chummy,' Blaise remarked when Draco sat down.

Draco scowled at him, and said nothing. Pansy joined them shortly thereafter and, sensing his mood, dragged Draco back to his room without ceremony and quickly made him forget all about it.

: : :

The following night came far too soon.

Draco didn't know why he'd been so nervous about asking for sex before – because now, once they'd had it, he was getting it all the time. Pansy seemed just as enthusiastic about it as he was, which honestly he didn't expect, but wasn't about to complain.

All right, he may have been a bit preoccupied last year, but the occasional shag certainly would have helped his nerves a bit.

He was late, and that was also because of sex. When he'd muttered an excuse about having to drop by Snape's office about something or other, Pansy had cornered him in his room and persuaded him that, maybe, it could wait until tomorrow. Draco had, of course, caved – but once he'd recovered, left her snoring softly into his mattress and scuttled out the door.

Potter raised an eyebrow when Draco slipped into the Room. 'You look awfully pleased about something.'

Damn. He was really going to have to do something about the shit-eating grin sex left him with. Draco shrugged. 'Practise went well.'

'Well, I was going to suggest trying Occlumecy, but since you're in a good mood, it'd probably be better to start with your Patronus Charm.'

Draco scowled. 'And in doing so, thoroughly ruin it in the process. You must love seeing me miserable.'

'Trust me, Malfoy, if I wanted to see you miserable, I could manage it with hardly any effort.' Draco narrowed his eyes, but Potter continued with: 'I know it sucks, but it's a lot worse when it's the real thing. You need to learn this.'

Several long hours later, Draco was disgruntled and exhausted and no longer in a happy post-coital haze.

Potter reached out a hand; Draco took it without thought, and let himself be pulled to his feet. 'This is fucking useless.'

'You're not doing that badly,' Potter told him, dropping his hand. 'You're actually doing a lot better than I did on my second try. It looked like a torpedo, or something.'

Draco had no idea what a torpedo was, and the only shape he had been able to discern from the mist had been long and smooth, like a snake, but much larger. 'Whatever. Are we done?'

Potter shrugged. 'If you are.'

He looked pretty tired himself, and prompted Draco to ask: 'Not sleeping again?'

Potter looked at him, and shrugged again. 'Not much.'

'Next time, let's stick with the Occlumency, then, shall we?'

'Didn't know you cared.'

'I don't.' Because he didn't. Draco gathered his cloak, and stopped at the door to look over his shoulder; Potter was packing away the pensieve and being slow about it – giving Draco time to leave. Draco sighed and rolled his eyes. 'You coming?'

Potter bit his lip. 'You sure you don't mind?'

'If you're too sleep-deprived to kill the Dark Lord, I'm sure my life will be a lot more inconvenient than letting you kip in my room,' Draco pointed out.

That earned him a grin – one of those sneaky, sideways smiles that Potter usually adopted when he was drunk. 'Thanks,' he said, tossing his Invisibility Cloak over them both and following Draco out into the hall.

'You're actually sleeping on the cot this time,' Draco felt the need to point out.

'So I won't have to worry about being kicked in the middle of the night? Thank God.'

'Good evening, boys,' said a soft voice.

Both of them froze, not having realised they weren't the only ones in the hall. Turning around, Draco was horrified to see not only the Headmaster, but Snape standing about ten feet behind them. The Potions master had narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but Dumbledore was looking right at them, as if they weren't wearing the cloak.

Potter sighed and pulled the cloak off. 'Evening, Professor... s,' he tacked on, with a dark look at Snape.

Snape, if possible, narrowed his eyes further, but Dumbledore cut off any remark he was about to make by saying: 'I'm pleased to see you two are getting along. If only you were... more open about your amiability, it might set quite the example for the rest of the school.' Both boys looked at each other, grimaced, then at the floor. 'In the meantime, Draco, would you mind if I borrowed Harry for a moment? We have some things to discuss.'

'Sure, Professor,' Potter said, not even waiting for Draco to reply. He looked at Draco and, quietly enough that Snape hopefully didn't overhear, 'Is it still okay if I... ?'

Draco shrugged. 'Whatever.'

This way, at least, Draco would have time to fend Pansy off if she was still asleep in his room.

What hope Draco had of Snape following the pair to wherever they were going vanished when Snape strode towards him, falling into step beside Draco. 'Do I even want to know?' he asked, once Dumbledore and Potter were well out of earshot.

Draco cringed. He could feel Snape probing – albeit gently – at his mind. Draco quickly filtered anything private (and involving Potter sharing his bedroom) away and let him snoop, shivering as Snape quickly absorbed the information he was looking for.

'Interesting,' Snape said eventually. 'Though I must say, I could have warned you Potter was completely hopeless at the art of Occlumency.'

Draco shrugged again. 'You're the one who said I needed the practise in Defense.'

'Indeed. Your progress with the Patronus charm is not as bad as you think, Draco. Potter was – uncommonly – correct in that regard. Do not be so hard on yourself; it is a difficult charm to master.'

Understatement of the year, Draco thought miserably. 'Sir,' he said, 'can you... ?'

Snape pulled out his wand and, after sweeping the empty hall with his eyes to make sure they were alone, silently cast the charm. A small doe sprung daintily from the tip of his wand, casting the stone walls in white light. 'If you would like some advice,' Snape said, the doe prancing around them as they continued their way towards Ravenclaw's old common room, waggling its over-large ears, 'try concentrating less on specifically pleasant memories. You, like Potter, do not exactly possess a wealth of them.' Draco raised an eyebrow at Snape acknowledging Potter had anything short of a perfect life. 'Focus instead more on feeling – devotion can prove just as powerful as joy; often exceed it.'

He left Draco pondering those words at the entrance to the common room. Potter had said something similar their first lesson, though much less eloquently – Snape managed to make sense of it where Potter had failed. Feeling marginally better, Draco cut through the empty tower and up to his bedroom. Pansy was, thankfully, nowhere to be seen. Draco summoned a house-elf to request the cot, and set to changing into his nightclothes while it was set up.

By the time sleep was pulling at his eyelids, Potter still hadn't appeared. Draco supposed that he might have just gone back to his own dormitory after all when the door opened quietly, and an invisible figure stepped through. When Potter pulled off the cloak, Draco raised his eyebrows. 'You look like shit.'

Potter started. 'Sorry,' he said automatically. 'Did I wake you up?'

'Not really,' Draco said, shrugging. 'So, what was so important?'

'Nothing.' Draco narrowed his eyes. 'Sorry. I can't – trust me, you don't want to know.'

'Try me.'

Potter just shook his head. 'I can't.'

'Right, I forgot,' Draco said, grinning without mirth. 'Can't tell the ex-Death Eater, he might rebound any day now – even if I am sleeping in the same room as him.'

'That's not – '

'Save it, Potter,' Draco snapped, rolling over so his back was to Potter and closing his eyes. 'I don't care, anyway.'

'Do you want me to leave?'

'Do whatever the fuck you want.'

Draco's eyes flew open when he felt the mattress sink as Potter sat on the edge of the bed. 'What I want has nothing to do with it, all right? You think I don't – appreciate this, what you're doing? Because I do, okay? Is that what you want to hear?'

'What I want to hear is silence, so I can get some fucking sleep.'

'God, you can be such a tool,' Potter muttered.

'What part of "I don't care" did you not understand?' Draco snapped sourly. 'Why don't you go crawl into bed with Weasley and let him keep the Dark Lord out of your head? Merlin knows you can trust him with your little secrets.'

'It's not that I'm worried you'll – Dumbledore trusts you, and that's enough for me, okay? But there's some things you're safer not knowing.'

'Oh, so this is about my protection, then?' Draco says, rolling over to face him. 'Not the fact that you all still think I'm going to turn tail and run back to my pack of Death Eater pals? Spare me. You think I don't see the looks they give me? You and your stupid fucking friends can kiss my arse.'

'Cry me a fucking river,' Potter snapped, standing up off the bed. 'My friends have cut you a lot of slack, Malfoy. More than you deserve.'

'Oh, is that so? And what exactly do I deserve?'

'Don't you think,' Potter said, rounding on him, 'that it's just a little strange that despite what you did, that there has been no backlash whatsoever?'

Draco blinked. He hadn't really thought about that, but now it did sound a little strange. More than a little, to be honest.

'My friends,' Potter continued, 'don't trust you. Hell, I don't trust you. And you don't deserve their trust. Or mine. But even still – even though we don't, nobody has said a word.'

'I expect the Headmaster – '

'Didn't forbid them anything. Or me,' Potter added brutally. 'No, Malfoy. Nobody has said anything because I know—we know—what it's like to be persecuted. And we wouldn't wish that on anyone. Not even you. Because you can bet your sorry, Pureblood arse that if the school knew what you'd done, you wouldn't be able to walk down a corridor without getting a bloodied nose. Or worse. A lot worse. People's friends – families – they've died because of those bastards. Died at the wands of those bastards. And you let them in.'

Draco couldn't honestly think of anything to say to that, so he clamped his mouth shut.

'My friends don't trust you,' Potter said again, 'but you should trust us. And maybe start treating us with a little more fucking respect.'

'You act like I had some kind of choice!' Draco shouted, rolling up and off the edge of the bed. Potter, startled, blinked and stood up straight, but didn't back down when Draco advanced on him. 'You think I asked for this? You think I wanted to do any of it? Fuck you!'

'You seemed happy enough about it last year on the train, bragging to your Housemates!'

'They had my mother!' Draco screamed at him, shoving him backwards; Potter stumbled but held his ground, hands tightening into fists. Oh, God, they were going to have an all-out brawl in his Head Boy room; any second now the hexes would start flying, someone would hear, and Snape would be summoned and find them – or worse, Draco would end up slashed open and bloody again. 'My father was in Azkaban – because of you might I add – it was just me and my mum and you of all people know what they would have done to her if I'd refused! What they did do to her!'

Potter shoved him back, teeth bared. 'Your father being in Azkaban was his own fault!'

'But was it mine?' Draco snapped, shoving him again, harder this time; Potter's back slammed into the dresser and Draco held him there, finger pointed at his chest. 'Was it my mother's? You act like none of this is your fault – tell me, after my father was incarcerated, did anyone in the Order stop to think what it would mean for us? What he would do, since my father had failed? Did any of you stop and think for a second, or did you justnot care?'

Potter opened his mouth to retort, but nothing came out. After a moment, he shut his mouth.

'That's what I thought,' Draco sneered, stepping back. 'So do me a favour: stop with the selfless act. Nobody else seems to be able to see through your bullshit, but you're not fooling me.'

Draco turned around to stalk back to his bed, but Potter caught his arm. 'Malfoy – '

He tried to yank his arm away, but Potter tightened his hold, forcing him to turn back and face him. 'Do you want a fight?'

'I want,' Potter said, hesitating, 'I want to apologise. You're right. We didn't – I didn't think.'

'And what, you think if you apologise that – that that's it? That everything will be all right? Do you actually expect me to accept it?'

'No, I – ' Potter hesitated again, gritting his teeth. 'If you won't – what do you want from me, Malfoy?'

Draco thought about all the things he'd ever wanted from Potter. Friendship. Recognition. Alliance. Anything, really, anything except - well, everything they had. Hatred. Violence. Despise. Contempt. Revenge. And now, he still wanted those more pleasant things, even after everything, even though Draco would never admit it. And, more recently, what Draco really wanted –

'Look,' Potter continued, cutting into his thoughts, 'I know we haven't always – but whatever is – '

He didn't get a chance to say anything else, because Draco jolted forward and kissed him.

: : :
- 25
- 26
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The Heart of the Matter