I Give You a Wondrous Mirror | By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 17806 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
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“Why did
she invite him?” Ginny managed to inflict a world of scorn on one
helpless word.
“I don’t
know.” Harry kept his voice calm as he glanced through the sheaf of parchments
Hermione had sent him—the list of topics they would discuss at the meeting of
the Blood Reparations Department. She could have waited, since they would see
each other in only a few hours, but Hermione believed in encouraging her people
to have good ideas even before they reached the meeting. “Draco has
impressions of his own, given that he was part of the battle, I reckon.
Hermione might just want one more pair of eyes so that she can learn as much as
possible about our enemies.” He shifted a bit. Tutela was sitting on his left
shoulder, her favorite perch, and though her talons didn’t hurt him, her weight
tended to increase when Ginny was in the room.
“Harry.”
He glanced
up and raised his eyebrows when he saw the pleading look on Ginny’s face, and
the hand she had extended to him. He took it, and listened attentively while
she fumbled her way through several declarations before settling on the one she
wanted. It had become ridiculously easier to listen to Ginny ever since Tutela
came. She would herd Harry out of the room with wingbeats about his head if she
felt his anger build too much, and then make him chase her or play with his
children or Floo Draco and trade jokes until he had laughed at least once. And
she communicated so well—bobbing her head when he asked her questions, uttering
warning hoots when James was about to pounce on Al, taking Harry’s chin in her
foot and turning it towards her when she wanted him to pay attention. She truly
was a Guardian Angel, and the best gift that anyone had ever given Harry.
But for
now, Ginny, Harry thought, and stopping thinking about his owl to fasten
his attention on her. She had settled for a brave pose, he thought, her eyes
glistening just slightly as she gazed at him.
“Have you
had any dreams of him in the past few nights?” she asked.
Harry
blinked. “No,” he said. “But you know that I’ve been taking the Dreamless Sleep
potion since—“
“You only
took it on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday,” Ginny said, a muffled urgency in
her voice. “It’s Saturday now. I’m asking you if you’d had any dreams since then,
and hidden them from me.”
Startled,
Harry paused, and then thought. No, actually, he hadn’t. His nights had been
deep and calm, and if he had dreams, he remembered none of them on waking. He
could remember all the dreams he had ever had of Draco, though, even the
less sexual ones. If he didn’t recall them now, he wasn’t having them.
“No,” he
said slowly.
Ginny’s
hand tightened in his, but not to the point of pain, just the same kind of surreptitious
little squeeze she used to give him when they were in front of reporters after
Voldemort’s defeat and she was trying to keep him from snapping at the eager
questions. “Then,” she whispered, “maybe they’re gone?”
“Maybe,”
said Harry, unwilling to forsake the idea that he still had a connection with
Draco. And then he shook his head. He should be happy if the dreams were
leaving him alone. Maybe, now that all the life-debts but one were fulfilled,
they were close to breaking apart from the mirror magic. Maybe he could look
forward to a life beside his wife, instead of Draco.
His skin
crawled. Harry took a slow, deep breath, and told himself not to be silly. He’d
chosen Ginny originally. Why should he mourn if the bonds that had restricted
his choices were gone, and now Draco was free to lose interest in him and find
someone else?
Except
that it doesn’t work that way, he thought, even as Tutela tightened her
talons again and gave a low hoot of distress. He’s in love with you, now.
And you know that he can’t just give you up that easily.
A
discomforting thrill ran through him. Since he had learned that Draco loved him
back, Harry was happier than he’d ever been, but at the same time, he knew he
shouldn’t be—that he had no chance of getting his normal life back if he didn’t
strive after it and wish for it. He wanted something he shouldn’t want, was
made happy by what he knew was bad for him.
And if
Draco seemed so much more attractive than Ginny did now, why shouldn’t that
fade? Perhaps Harry would start finding faults with him in a few years the way
he had with Ginny. He didn’t know. If he wanted to rest on certainty, he
wouldn’t find it here.
There were
only two things he knew for certain, he thought as Tutela nipped his ear. He
had his Guardian Angel with him. And the dreams had stopped.
Well, a
third thing. If he didn’t leave soon, he would be late for the strategy
meeting. Hermione had told him to be there at ten-o’clock.
He gave
Ginny a swift kiss, then touched Tutela’s back. She already knew that meant she
should fly to her perch on the corner of the house, and she did it, though with
one more final nip, and her flaps were reluctant and heavy. Harry smiled at his
wife, and turned towards the door. He was Apparating to the Ministry, but under
guard, at Hermione’s insistence.
“Harry?”
Ginny asked. “Don’t you think this
means there’s another chance for us?”
Harry
paused and looked back at her. He let his voice emerge slow and thoughtful,
daringly showing his exact feelings for once. “I don’t know,” he said.
The last
thing he saw before the door shut was her face, shining with a hope that made
him hurt inside.
*
Draco gave
Millicent a tight smile and a little nod. “This looks to be accurate and
invaluable information, Millicent. What will you want for it?”
“You think
that I’ll start squeezing you for payment so soon?” Millicent’s eyes had the
lazy, content look of a cat who had just received several minutes of human
attention along with a full bowl of cream.
“You look
like you want something,” Draco said. He mentally patted himself on the back
for noticing. Not long ago, his instincts had been so dull that he would have
assumed Millicent was helping him out of the goodness of her heart, and would
have been caught off guard when she demanded her repayment.
Millicent
sighed and passed a dramatic hand across her face. “Oh, dear. I obviously
haven’t changed enough from school. I did think that you wouldn’t
recognize my bargaining face.” She leaned forwards, so that it looked as if her
head would poke out of the Floo and into his drawing room. “I want Potter to
attend the opening of the new Phoenix Wizarding Library on the fifth.”
Draco
blinked. “I didn’t know you were that interested in libraries, Millicent.”
“You didn’t
ask what books the library carried,” said Millicent, and then waited for him to
figure it out.
She must
have been disappointed when Draco snapped his fingers and matched her smirk.
“You finally found a safe place to store those books that you stole from your father’s
study, didn’t you?” Millicent’s father had forbidden her to study Dark Arts,
even though her much older brother had had the run of the house. Millicent,
furious, had raided his study for books she was interested in, and had bragged
about it several times at Hogwarts, but having books like that around was
dangerous in these days of Aurors randomly raiding pure-blood houses.
“Yes.”
Millicent’s eyes half-lidded again. “There will be wings that no one ever quite
approaches, unless they hold a proper pass, of course. I’m basing the
permission wards on Hogwarts’s Restricted Section. It’s a fascinating magical
construction. This way, only those people who need those particular Dark
Arts books will be able to see them, much less remove them from the library—and
Aurors who want to check them over for illegal spells don’t count as having the
need.” She flipped one hand as though to modestly dismiss her whole
achievement. “There are still a few suspicious eyes on the library, since I
made several donations to it, and Blaise’s mother made more. Putting Potter’s
seal of approval on the thing will stop some of the rumors.”
“You’re
brilliant,” Draco said, because compliments always went down well, and
Millicent would be able to read his sincerity in his eyes and voice. Besides,
there was no reason that he shouldn’t build up insurance for a future date.
Millicent
uttered a light laugh and cut the Floo connection. Draco raised an eyebrow,
gathered the documents that she had given him, and looked quickly through them.
He didn’t have much time for investigation, since Granger had told him that he
had to meet her at the Ministry at nine-thirty.
They were
mostly deeds of possession for manor houses, some of them abandoned during the
war, other damaged and sold by their disgusted owners, who had moved to more
congenial surroundings. In each case, the same disguised handwriting appeared,
though the aliases varied: Angelica Banks, Theodosia Angelsnight, Medea Timor.
The remaining documents were statements of sale on land and on a shipment of
“boulders” that were described with close accuracy in the report Millicent had
snagged. Draco was willing to wager Malfoy Manor that those were actually
dragon eggs, and not rocks.
He stood
and slid the documents into the pocket of his robes, then snatched up a handful
of Floo powder. His skin was tingling at the mere thought of being close to
Harry again; it had been several days since that had last happened. Harry’s
enraptured letter thanking him for Tutela—he’d named his Guardian Angel
“Guardian” in Latin—and telling Draco that he was taking the Dreamless Sleep
potion to please his wife had been their last post. They’d used the Floo to
conduct brief conversations instead, and since Harry seemed to need them to
remain light, Draco had obliged.
There was
no reason that they should have gone a week without visiting each other,
really, save that it had happened. And it had taken that long for Granger to
put together a compendium of information on the Masked Lady sufficient for
calling a full council of war.
Draco spoke
the Floo designation for Granger’s office and stepped through, anticipating
that Harry’s eyes would be the first pair he could meet honestly, as had
happened the night they fought the dragons at Hogwarts.
Instead, he
found himself facing Granger, who rose to her feet behind her desk with her
wand trained on him, her eyes hard as amber.
Draco
paused only a moment, and then made it seem as if he had not paused, sweeping
into the room to sit down on the chair in front of Granger’s desk. “You told me
to come earlier than Harry, didn’t you?” he asked, because if Harry had been
there already, Draco was sure he would have been waiting at the Floo. “So that
you could talk to me. Well done.”
The Granger
he remembered from Hogwarts would have flushed and said something about how
much she hated him. This Granger was a competent woman, as hard in her own way
as the Masked Lady, and she didn’t let her fury slow her down any more than the
sling around her left arm did. She jerked her head in a quick nod, and then sat
down in her own chair.
“I want you
to say away from Harry,” she said.
“Impossible,”
Draco said lightly.
“Less
impossible for you than for him.” There was no tone in her voice at all; if it
wasn’t for the bright, disgusted sheen in her eyes, Draco might have thought he
was facing a soulless Ministry official who cared for nothing but her job. Come
to think of it, he realized as he studied her face, I’m not sure that
that isn’t what she’s become. “I overheard your conversation in the
corridor at Hogwarts. He’s in love with you. You have no such feelings. You can
easily back away.”
Draco
raised his eyebrows. He was not inclined to say that he loved Harry right now,
though if asked he would not deny it. “How much do you know about the bonds
that life-debts create between wizards, Granger? If you’re ignorant because
you’re Muggleborn, just tell me.”
He hoped to
use her resulting anger to push her off-balance, but she only narrowed her eyes
and said, “I know that life-debts can be fulfilled, and the bonds broken. And I
know that Ginny and Harry will both suffer if you continue to insist that he
should be yours.”
“It is
willingness that will drive him to answer those debts, and no pushing of mine,”
Draco said gently. He didn’t feel much compassion for her—meddler that she was,
head of a Department that existed to push people of wildly varying cultures
together whether they wanted to coexist or not—but he could see her position,
as friend of Harry’s wife first and Harry a distant second, and they were on
the same side in the war. He did not want to antagonize her unnecessarily.
If it were
necessary, of course, he would go into a private war with Granger for Harry,
and the larger one could go hang.
“You required
that he do something he hated doing,” Granger hissed. “He might be willing to
come to you, but he’s deluded if he thinks that you could ever care for him
back.”
“Did you
listen,” Draco said, unable to believe that she had heard the conversation and
could still think this way, “to the request I made of him? I ordered
that he be happy, Granger. I had to order him to think about his own
happiness. What does that say to you? That he’s just fine and healthy and happy
without me, and that he’ll go on cheerfully doing whatever you need him to? It
says to me that he’s worn out, and that he’s neglected his own happiness
until he doesn’t recognize it as a need any more. With me, Harry will have
someone who protects him as well as someone who is protected. I’ve made arrangements
so that I won’t be constantly preying on his strength without even realizing
it.” He paused, so that the words would come out just right, and added, “He
could stand to have more than one friend who did that.”
Armored
against such accusations, perhaps because she’d made them to herself in the
dead of the night, Granger didn’t even blink. “He’s happy doing work for the
Blood Reparations Department and spending time with his family,” she said
briskly. “And he’s not happy about helping us in this war, but he’s doing it. I
won’t have you distracting him, Malfoy.”
“Is that
the way a friend would talk?” Draco asked quietly. “Is that something you would
require of Mrs. Potter?”
“Ginny has
different contributions to make,” said Granger. “She was never tested in
battle, and she’s a competitive flyer, not one who could handle a broom around
dragons.”
“She’s
probably had more practice in chasing a Snitch than I have,” said Draco. “And
yet, there I was. And there Harry was, even though he probably hasn’t spent
much time on a broom casting. You don’t listen to yourself, I think, and
certainly not to me. So much relies on Harry that you don’t dare question your
debt to him, just in case everything falls apart.”
Granger
drummed her fingers on the desk. “Am I to understand that you won’t leave Harry
alone? I know you don’t respect honor much, Malfoy, or I would have appealed to
you on this account before: Harry is a happily married man. He has a wife and
children who need him and would be hurt by your interference. And using the
life-debts to capture him is little better than slavery, since it’s not
something he chose.”
“I feel
reassured that you care little for Harry’s choices,” said Draco dryly. He might
as well be dry. He wasn’t getting through to her with politeness. “This is still
his choice, and might turn either way. If he finds that he can’t abandon his
wife, then I won’t challenge his decision. I only want to be sure that he is
speaking the truth and doing what’s best for him, not just for other people.”
“Harry thrives
on doing what’s best for other people.”
“The
wizarding world never gave him a choice in that,” said Draco, and stood. “Now.
I don’t think that the time Harry’s arriving can be very far away, since you
would have thought you needed only twenty minutes or so to convince me.” The
look of surprise on Granger’s face would have amused him if he were in a mood
to feel anything but ringing rage and sadness. “You have your answer.
Everything still depends on Harry. And unlike some people in this room, I trust
him to know what’s best for himself, and that that decision will not hurt
others more than can be helped.”
“I don’t
think he has any idea what he wants,” Granger snapped, “not when being with you
would cost him everything.”
“If he can
give up that ‘everything’ and still walk away with me,” Draco murmured, “I
don’t think it’s so indispensable to him after all.”
Granger had
risen to her feet, but the door opened then and Harry walked in.
He halted
when he saw Draco, and his green eyes were deep with emotions that might have
moved Draco to tears if he were given to expressing himself like that. There
was pleasure, and joy, and uncertainty, and a kind of terror, the vertigo that
someone felt in looking over a cliff.
What Draco didn’t
see was the same soul-deep, tearing hurt that he’d witnessed at Hogwarts. Harry
had moved beyond that, into territory where he might not know what happened
next but at least could get away from the pain enough to think rationally.
Since
Granger knew everything anyway, Draco moved up to Harry and laid his hand on
his cheek. He could feel Granger watching as Harry immediately let the weight
of his head rest there, his eyes wide and trusting.
Then Harry
straightened and shot his friend a cool look Draco would never have believed
him capable of.
“I think
everyone’s here now, Hermione,” he said lightly, “since you told the others to
meet in the administration room down the corridor.”
And he
turned and stalked away, pausing long enough to brush a hand along Draco’s
elbow in passing.
When he
could catch his breath, Draco murmured, “Stop playing games with him and
thinking he’s too stupid to see,” just in case Granger was inclined to take his
advice, and then trotted after Harry.
*
Draco was
bored.
He had
absorbed Granger’s essential information in the first few minutes of the
meeting: They still didn’t know who the Masked Lady was. There was now
evidence—obtained from Charlie, the Dragon-Keeping Weasley—that numerous dragon
sanctuaries had lost eggs, and that the Masked Lady had bought and raised them.
Whatever methods she’d used to domesticate them for riding were still unknown,
as well. The plans she’d used to attack Diagon Alley, Harry’s house, Malfoy
Manor, and Hogwarts had taken her months to lay, and it was unlikely that she
could do something else significant quickly.
Granger’s
people had also discovered why she’d wanted to attack Hogwarts, or thought they
had, via a third warning from the same person who’d warned them about the
attacks on Diagon Alley and the school. When everything was laid waste, the
Masked Lady would have used the confusion to place the blame on two of the
Muggleborn supremacist groups involved. Pure-blood families, enraged and in
mourning over the deaths of their children, would have attacked the
Muggleborns, and the war would have started that way. With Harry dead and the
attacks in Diagon Alley blamed on pure-blood supremacists, there would have
been no public figure of sufficient strength and popularity to calm the fury.
Draco
wondered idly if it stung Granger that she would never have that level of
recognition and adoration that people gave Harry.
But even
though he’d understood that, not all the Ministry officials had, and Granger
was still explaining, along with why they had every reason to fear another
attack from the Masked Lady in the future.
He was
playing with Harry’s fingers beneath the table, noting that his own breathing
was easier in Harry’s presence and that the touch of his skin was essential
after a week of no dreams, when he realized the warning note had been passed
down the table to him. He picked it up and looked at it, expecting to see
nothing more than another disguised hand. After all, the traitor in the Masked
Lady’s ranks wouldn’t have wanted to risk discovery himself.
And then he
went cold, and the blood rushing in his ears drowned his voice; it was only
because he planned to speak the words that he knew what he said. “I know this
handwriting.”
Everyone
turned expectantly towards him, and Minister Shacklebolt demanded, “You know
who the Masked Lady is?”
“No,” Draco
said softly. Harry was leaning against him now, rubbing small, soothing circles
on his back, out of sight. The merest contact of their shoulders would have
helped Draco; more gave him the strength to look up, meet every pair of
eyes—Granger’s last—and say, “The person warning us of the attacks is my wife
Marian.”
“How can that
be?” Weasley asked, sounding baffled. He sat to Granger’s right as usual, and
concealed his boredom with more skill than Draco. “I thought she set the Blood
Hydra on you?”
“I think,”
Draco said, his gaze fastened to the note, his mind wheeling through memories
of the past—of how much Marian had loved Scorpius and how little she would have
liked to hurt him— “that she might have joined the Masked Lady’s followers and
learned too late that the blood magic they had her perform could have hurt her
own son. She loves Scorpius. She wouldn’t turn against him. But she could
hardly back out once she was enmeshed, either. She might risk sending us these
warnings.” He frowned and passed the note up the table to Granger, who was
impatiently reaching for it. “At the very least, I can’t think of a reason why
anyone else would want to disguise her handwriting as Marian’s. She has
to know that not many people would recognize it, and of the ones who did, still
fewer would trust her.”
“No one, I
hope,” Harry said into his ear.
Draco
reached behind himself and squeezed Harry’s shoulder. He saw Weasley’s eyes
narrow thoughtfully.
“We’ll
see,” said Granger, who did not sound convinced. “I’ll have to run some tests
on it first.”
“You’ve
still made more of a contribution than anyone else here except Hermione has,”
Harry murmured to him.
The sound
of his voice was—proud. Draco basked in it, feeling it lap around him
like a warm bath.
*
“Ah, Mr.
Potter.” There was a long pause following the words, and then Eaglethorpe
softly cleared his throat. “Forgive me, but you don’t look well.”
“No,” Harry
murmured, sitting in the chair across from Eaglethorpe’s desk with his head in
his hands. “I don’t think I am, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
A few days
ago, in the Ministry meeting while he was sitting next to Draco, he thought
nothing could have made him unhappy. The strain between him and Ginny was just
something he would have to live with. He’d make sure that his being in love
with Draco didn’t adversely affect his children. And he could do nothing to
help the war for the moment, not until Hermione’s investigators uncovered more
information about the Masked Lady. He’s finally found an accommodation between
his duties and himself. He was more relaxed than he had been in years.
And then, a
few hours after the meeting, his vision had started to blaze. Shadows looked
wrong. Patches of color like afterimages hovered in the corners of his eyes,
but darted away when he tried to focus on them. His head ached, and his tongue
tangled around the simplest words.
Ginny had
suggested he rest and eat simple foods, because he was probably sick. But
nothing happened to alleviate the symptoms. Harry slept—still without dreams of
Draco—and woke to find himself hardly able to see. Ginny’s concerned voice told
him that his face was pale and his hands were shaking when he held them up in
front of his eyes.
Harry had
managed to clear his vision by using a few simple spells, stubbornly and over
and over again, but neither Hermione nor Ron had any idea how to stop the
hallucinations completely. Molly had fussed over him, seeming glad of the
distraction from her grief, but even she, with her vast experience in raising
seven children, couldn’t say what was wrong with him. Harry hadn’t contacted
Draco; he didn’t want to spread any infection to him, Narcissa, or Scorpius.
Tutela had
perched worriedly on the back of his bed and hooted softly over and over, but
she wouldn’t drive him to play when he wasn’t feeling well. Ginny had asked
whether he really needed to keep the appointment with Eaglethorpe, but Harry
had insisted. With any luck, it would be the last one.
“Should you
be here?” Eaglethorpe asked bluntly.
Harry
forced himself to drop his hands and look the other man in the eye. “I’m not
sure,” he admitted. “I’m seeing color patches and messing up my sentences and
having headaches, but that’s still better than the way I felt yesterday morning
or Saturday night.”
His eyes
resigned, Eaglethorpe nodded. “So. Please tell me if you experienced attraction
to any other man.”
“No,” Harry
said quietly. “No more than I commonly find other women on the street
attractive.”
The
therapist gave him a melancholy smile. “Then, Mr. Potter, I’m afraid that I
must tell you my diagnosis is love. It could be infatuation, of course, but I
don’t think it is. These dreams have had ten years to work on your mind. You’re
inclined to pursue Mr. Malfoy, and now that you’ve met him, you have
opportunity to do so.” He shook his head. “This isn’t a mental illness, and
still less a confusion of sexual orientation. Your orientation is exactly as
flexible as it needs to be to accommodate loving this man, and no more.”
Harry nodded.
“What makes you think so?” A patch of pink was shimmering in the corner of his
eye. He resolutely ignored it.
“Because I
have read your history and studied you as you sat in front of me,” Eaglethorpe
said. “You’re extremely loyal, and your loyalties are not easily changed. Once
you told me how Mr. Malfoy gained yours, I didn’t think it would waver. Of
course, your loyalty to your wife was once as strong, but it is old and—forgive
me—seems to receive little reinforcement from her side. It is only natural that
this bond should shine strongly, after ten years of subtle reinforcement from
the dreams and Mr. Malfoy’s accommodation of your desires.”
“The dreams
have stopped,” Harry muttered.
“That—is
worrisome,” Eaglethorpe said, and his voice sharpened. “Do you think that has
something to do with your illness?”
Harry
snorted. “I don’t see how. I’ve accepted that I love Draco, myself. I’ve told
my wife. I spent the last week happier than I have been in some time.”
“Yes, none
of that should have weakened you.” Eaglethorpe signed a piece of
parchment, and then passed it across the desk to Harry. “I’m afraid there’s
nothing more I can do for the particular problem you came to me with. If you’d
like to talk to me in the future, please do arrange it. If you’ll just sign
here?”
Harry
smiled, though he knew it was weak, and stood up, reaching across the desk to
sign.
He never
remembered the quill touching the parchment, or his body hitting the floor.
*
Thrnbrooke:
Can’t explain about the permanent way around the marriage vows, because that’s
still a major surprise. There’s a temporary way coming up in a few chapters.
Sol: Ginny
does desperate things. I don’t know if you’d call them bitchy.
Amiyom: No.
This story will end up as both HP/DM slash and compliant with the
epilogue of DH. How can it be epilogue-compliant if I kill Ginny? ;)
SuishouTenshi:
No problem! I understand why this story might make you feel uncomfortable. I
can say, though, that this is probably more an effect of the atmosphere of the
story, and maybe unconscious motifs I didn’t realize I was putting in the
story, than any deliberate choice. As I tried to emphasize in this story, the
life-debts are very far from written in the stone—not even as strong as the
Veela bond I used in ‘A Year’s Temptation.’ Harry could still choose to stay
with Ginny, and unless he willingly follows the life-debts, they cannot
affect him. Both Harry and Ginny took each other for granted. If the life-debts
hadn’t existed, they still might have grown dissatisfied with each other,
because they just aren’t putting enough effort into their marriage.
Christabell:
Can only update one at a time, sorry.
Graballz:
Thank you! The ending of the story is both Harry/Draco slash and Harry/Ginny
het, without infidelity or divorce or death; it complies with the epilogue of
DH and with the premise I’m laying out in this fic. I’m sorry if this
doesn’t make sense yet. It will.
Mangacat:
Fair or not, Harry does tend to feel most comfortable around Al and Teddy.
Myra: Thank
you! The Guardian Angel was an idea I almost didn’t use because I thought it
was so cheesy, but I couldn’t resist.
AlcyioneBlack:
I am going to do my best to increase the sympathy for Ginny in the next few
chapters (well, a few chapters in the future, because there will be, um, a
short time when it won’t be possible). I promise that Harry’s children do show
up in future scenes.
SickPuppy:
Welcome aboard! I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
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