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Let Love In	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3124 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

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Chapter Twenty-Seven: Christmas

Sirius hadn't seen Harry since he had returned from the Hospital. He began to worry, but as Christmas drew closer he couldn't help feeling that wonderful tingly sensation of 'the Christmas spirit' easing back his own darkness. He would not, after all, be spending time alone on Christmas day and the thought cheered him up so much he walked around the house, singing carols and decorating.

**Deck the halls with boughs of holly,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Tis the season to be jolly,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our gay apparel,

Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Troll the ancient Yule tide carol,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing Yule before us,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Strike the harp and join the chorus.

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Follow me in merry measure,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

While I tell of Yule tide treasure,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fast away the old year passes,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Hail the new, ye lads and lasses,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Sing we joyous, all together,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Heedless of the wind and weather,

Fa la la la la, la la la la.**

By the time they were finished on Christmas Eve he gazed around at the decorations with a big grin on his face, Remus stood at his side. "It looks impossibly different! The Christmas hats suit the elf heads..." he said with a smirk.

Sirius laughed, pulling Remus to the kitchen. "Well, now the kids are in bed, this means drinks!" He exclaimed delightedly. "And I'm glad Harry seems to be feeling better..."

"Yes, after what he witnessed..." Remus trailed off as Sirius shoved a drink into his hands, giving him a brief kiss on the lips before pulling away. He followed Sirius' gaze upwards and saw Mistletoe above their heads. "Ah...I see..."

"Merry Christmas, Moony." He whispered, clinking their glasses together and deepening the kiss.

"Well! I'm glad that's over..." Molly exclaimed as she entered the kitchen. She froze mid sentence, her eyes wide as she gazed at the pair in front of her. "Oh! Oh my!" She backed away.

"Molly!" Remus jerked backwards, his face crimson as he spun around, eyes as large as saucers.

Sirius turned away, Remus heard his chuckle and kicked him in the leg.

"Well...I...I'm sorry! I-I'll...just um...go...then..." Molly turned around.

"Please, you don't...you don't have to. We didn't mean for you to see..."

"No dear...it...it really doesn't matter...Honestly..." Molly's face was slightly pale but she just looked shocked. "In all honesty, I expected something like this."

"What's that mean?" Sirius turned around, he looked slightly hurt.

"Well...i mean...neither of you have girlfriends and I..." She trailed off as Sirius smiled.

"I had loads of girlfriends in school!"

Remus just groaned, slumping into a seat. "This is just getting worse and worse."

"Cheer up Moony, it's Christmas." Sirius replied cheerfully, seemingly unaffected by the fact that Molly now knew their secret.

"Oh, but Dumbledore will be pleased! He's always saying how important love is, especially in times such as these." Molly beamed at them.

"Uh...just...just don't tell Harry." Sirius said suddenly. "I don't think he needs to know...It's just a bit...complicated."

"I understand dear." Molly winked. "Now then, I shall leave you to it." With that she left them alone.

"Great...now they think I'm gay." Remus sighed, polishing off his drink and letting Sirius re-fill his glass.

"It's not that bad, is it?" Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I mean, to have the most handsome bloke in London as your lover should be something to celebrate."

Remus chuckled weakly. "If you say so, Sirius." He looked up and saw Sirius rummaging in a bag sitting in the corner, he blinked in confusion as he saw him stand up with Christmas hats held in his hands. He put one on Remus' hair and shoved the other on his head, grinning and laughing. "Thanks..."

"See, a Christmas hat solves all problems!"

With a loud laugh Remus stood and pulled Sirius towards him, kissing him slowly beneath the mistletoe. "Merry Christmas, Padfoot." He whispered as he pulled away.

Remus woke to Sirius singing, loudly, again. He chuckled softly, pulling Sirius' pillow towards him as Sirius entered the bedroom from the bathroom after calling a cheery Merry Christmas to someone. He leapt onto the bed and shoved a wrapped parcel at Remus who looked down at it. "Merry Christmas, Moonykins!" He said with a grin, looking like an excitable child. Remus opened the package and discovered an ornate silver frame, in which was a photograph of three boys, all in their pyjama's and sat on a bed, grinning at the camera. James and Sirius had their arms around each other, wearing Santa Clause hats and seemed to be trying to choke each other while Remus looked inexplicably happy to be included. He gazed down at it, remembering that Christmas. He looked up and saw Sirius looking slightly nervous. "You...do you like it?" He asked. "I found it, when I was clearing out my desk and I..." He was cut off as Remus kissed him, he smiled into it and wrapped his arms tightly around Remus' neck.

"How can I not love it? It's our memories...it's James..." Remus said as he pulled away. "Thank you."

Sirius' smile softened as he gazed down at the picture. "We fell asleep in the same bed that night...all in heap."

"It was such a long time ago..."

"Second year, I believe." Sirius looked into Remus' eyes. "The best time of my life...especially after I spent Christmas in First Year in..." he sighed and indicated the house. "Here...I hated Christmas...I used to despise it until that year. You and James stayed at Hogwarts just to show me what the Christmas spirit really was and I...I was so grateful...it was like all my dreams had come true."

Remus pushed hair from Sirius' eyes, smiling at him. "Then, this Christmas can be enjoyable too."

"Yeah...I'll make it so that Harry won't ever forget it! It'll be just like what you and James did for me!" He smiled happily at the thought.

The Weasley's and Harry were to visit Arthur in the Hospital that afternoon and Sirius was a little disappointed that he couldn't come with them, as he watched them leave he sighed heavily, gazing at the giant tree that obscured the family tapestry. Then he went upstairs and sat in his room, gazing at the photo he had given Remus. He smiled at the memories that had come flooding back to him when he had found it...

"What...what is this?" Sirius said as he stepped into the dorm. He saw James beaming at him, wearing a stupid hat. "It looks like Christmas has come in here and exploded..." Sirius said, his eyes gazing at the holly, ivy and tinsel that decorated the beds in a mish-mash of random colours and badly arranged clumps.

"Oh come off it, Siri, this is a work of art!" James said, smirking.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You know I don't celebrate Muggle Christmas." He said slightly coldly.

"Whatever for?" James exclaimed, eyes wide behind his glasses. "Seriously, the Muggles have it right when they came up with this holiday!"

"But it's just so..." Sirius fought to keep the disdain out of his voice as his eyes took in James' hat. "Tacky..." he said finally.

"That's what makes it fun! Come on Sirius, have a mince pie..." He thrust a plate at him. "And get in your Pyjama's...we're celebrating Christmas the Muggle way."

Sirius gave in. He sat on the bed in his bed clothes and James sat opposite, stuffing a hat on his head, Remus joined them and they tucked into warm, fresh mince pies with Brandy butter cream and listened to carols on the Wizarding Wireless. "So, what do you celebrate? You said you didn't celebrate Muggle Christmas?" Remus asked, his eyes curious as he gazed at Sirius from underneath the fluffy white edge of his hat.

"Yule Tide...or Winter Solstice." Sirius replied. "It happens on the twenty first, the shortest day of the year...very powerful day. We have a feast, then we hold a big ceremonial ritual to ensure we have a good year..." He shrugged. "It's an old tradition of course, but it's the only day my parents don't..." he paused and looked at his hands. "Don't shout at me." He finished.

Later they all sat huddled in the window, drinking hot chocolate and watching the snow swirl past their window. They all shared a blanket and Sirius couldn't help but smile as he realised that he was genuinely happy, there was no tension, no fear of being looked at like he was a waste of space. He could feel James and Remus' warmth and it soaked into him, warming his heart and he hoped that he could bottle that feeling and keep it forever...

Sirius closed his eyes, letting himself fall backwards onto the bed. "I miss you...so much..." He whispered to the empty room. He let out a slow, shaking breath and let his eyes half open so he gazed at the ceiling. "James."

Sirius found Kreacher hiding in the attic, he had no idea why he had been up there, but he didn't let it worry him. As the days passed he felt himself sinking slowly back into the depression that had haunted him. He hated the fact that he would once again be alone, Harry had to return to school and the Weasley's needed to go home...he was stuck.

His depression continued, he sat in Buckbeaks room, slumped against the wall and trying to fight off the feeling that he was drowning. Remus found him there one evening and he entered, sitting at his side but saying nothing. The two sat in silence, their hands finding each other and fingers entwining. It became too difficult to smile, Sirius gazed despondently at the wall, hardly even feeling it when Remus would pull him to his side and whisper empty words into his hair.

One day he received an unwanted visitor...Severus Snape. Sirius sat in the kitchen, half listening to Mrs. Weasley talking to him when the door bell went. He stood with a heavy sigh and went to answer it, cutting off his mother's screams with a hard yank on her curtain. When the door opened he saw Snape standing there, hood pulled low over his face. "What do you want?" Sirius said stepping back to allow his enemy through.

"Nothing that will concern you, Black." He sneered as he strode past and into the kitchen. "I am here to speak to Potter."

"Oh! I'll just go and get him for you..." Molly said with a nervous smile, her eyes darting to Sirius who took his seat, crossed his arms and legs and glared in the opposite direction.

"You need not be here." Snape said softly, seating himself.

"I do. He's my Godson." Sirius snapped. "Why do you want to speak to him, anyway?" Snape, in answer, pulled a letter from his cloak and threw it at Sirius who opened it and read it slowly. "What? Extra lessons? With you?" he said as he looked up. Snape gazed at him, beetle black eyes glittering malevolently.

"Is there a problem?"

"Yes! You hate him! Why can't the Headmaster teach him himself?"

"I have no idea..." Snape said, turning away. "I do not pretend to understand the way that man's mind works..."

'Er," Harry stood in the doorway to kitchen.

Snape looked around at him, his face framed between curtains of greasy black hair. 'Sit down, Potter."

'You know, ' said Sirius loudly, leaning back on his rear chair legs and speaking to the ceiling, 'I think I'd prefer it if you didn't give orders here, Snape. It's my house, you see.' An ugly flush suffused Snape's pallid face. Harry sat down in a chair beside Sirius, facing Snape across the table. Sirius hated this, Harry should not have to put up with the man's hatred...it seemed to cruel.

'I was supposed to see you alone, Potter, ' said Snape, the familiar sneer curling his mouth, 'but Black -'

'I'm his godfather, ' said Sirius, louder than ever.

'I am here on Dumbledore's orders, ' said Snape, whose voice, by contrast, was becoming more and more quietly waspish, 'but by all means stay, Black, I know you like to feel...involved.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' said Sirius, letting his chair fall back on to all four legs with a loud bang.

'Merely that I am sure you must feel - ah - frustrated by the fact that you can do nothing useful,' Snape laid a delicate stress on the word, 'for the Order.' It was Sirius's turn to flush. Snape's lip curled in triumph as he turned to Harry. The Headmaster has sent me to tell you, Potter, that it is his wish for you to study Occlumency this term.'

'Study what?' said Harry blankly.

Snape's sneer became more pronounced. 'Occlumency, Potter. The magical defence of the mind against external penetration. An obscure branch of magic, but a highly useful one.'

Sirius frowned furiously across the table, his anger bubbling rapidly, almost making him feel sick. He knew that Harry had to learn it, it was best to protect his mind against Voldemort, but he hated the idea of Snape spending too much time with him.

'Why do I have to study Occlu- thing?' Harry blurted out.

'Because the Headmaster thinks it a good idea,' said Snape smoothly. 'You will receive private lessons once a week, but you will not tell anybody what you are doing, least of all Dolores Umbridge. You understand?'

'Yes, ' said Harry. 'Who's going to be teaching me?'

Snape raised an eyebrow. 'I am, ' he said. Harry looked quickly round at Sirius for support.

'Why can't Dumbledore teach Harry?' asked Sirius aggressively. Trying to keep his hands steady as fury pounded through his veins. 'Why you?'

'I suppose because it is a headmaster's privilege to delegate less enjoyable tasks, ' said Snape silkily. 'I assure you I did not beg for the job." He got to his feet. 'I will expect you at six o'clock on Monday evening, Potter. My office. If anybody asks, you are taking remedial Potions. Nobody who has seen you in my classes could deny you need them. ' He turned to leave, his black travelling cloak billowing behind him.

'Wait a moment, ' said Sirius, sitting up straighter in his chair. Snape turned back to face them, sneering.

'I am in rather a hurry, Black. Unlike you, I do not have unlimited leisure time. '

"I'll get to the point, then,' said Sirius, standing up. He was rather taller than Snape who, balled his fist in the pocket of his cloak over the handle of his wand. 'If I hear you're using these Occlumency lessons to give Harry a hard time, you'll have me to answer to.' Sirius said, using his height to try and intimidate Snape.

'How touching, ' Snape sneered. 'But surely you have noticed that Potter is very like his father?'

'Yes, I have, ' said Sirius proudly.

'Well then, you'll know he's so arrogant that criticism simply bounces off him,' Snape said sleekly. Sirius pushed his chair roughly aside and strode around the table towards Snape, pulling out his wand as he went. Snape whipped out his own. They were squaring up to each other, Sirius looking livid, Snape calculating, his eyes darting from Sirius's wand-tip to his face.

'Sirius!' said Harry loudly, but Sirius ignored him.

'I've warned you, Snivellus, ' said Sirius, his face barely a foot from Snape's, 'I don't care if Dumbledore thinks you've reformed, I know better -'

'Oh, but why don't you tell him so?' whispered Snape. 'Or are you afraid he might not take very seriously the advice of a man who has been hiding inside his mother's house for six months?

'Tell me, how is Lucius Malfoy these days? I expect he's delighted his lapdog's working at Hogwarts, isn't he?' Sirius snarled, feeling rage try and blot his senses, he needed this...he needed to vent his frustration on someone...and here was a readymade excuse.

'Speaking of dogs, ' said Snape softly, 'did you know that Lucius Malfoy recognised you last time you risked a little jaunt outside? Clever idea, Black, getting yourself seen on a safe station platform...gave you a cast-iron excuse not to leave your hiding-hole in future, didn't it?'Sirius raised his wand.

'NO!' Harry yelled, vaulting over the table and trying to get in between them. 'Sirius, don't!'

'Are you calling me a coward?' roared Sirius, trying to push Harry out of the way, but Harry would not budge. He wanted to Hex Snape so badly he would leave the house little more than a pile of jelly.

'Why, yes, I suppose I am, ' said Snape.

'Harry - get - out - of - it!' snarled Sirius, pushing him aside with his free hand.

The kitchen door opened and the entire Weasley family, plus Hermione, came inside, all looking very happy, with Mr Weasley walking proudly in their midst dressed in a pair of striped pyjamas covered by a mackintosh. 'Cured!' he announced brightly to the kitchen at large. 'Completely cured!'He and all the other Weasleys froze on the threshold, gazing at the scene in front of them, which was also suspended in mid-action, both Sirius and Snape looking towards the door with their wands pointing into each other's faces and Harry immobile between them, a hand stretched out to each, trying to force them apart. 'Merlin's beard, ' said Mr Weasley, the smile sliding off his face, 'what's going on here?'Both Sirius and Snape lowered their wands. Each wore an expression of utmost contempt, yet the unexpected entrance of so many witnesses brought them to their senses. Snape pocketed his wand, turned on his heel and swept back across the kitchen, passing the Weasleys without comment. At the door he looked back.

'Six o'clock, Monday evening, Potter.' And he was gone.

Sirius glared after him, his wand at his side. 'What's been going on?' asked Mr Weasley again.

'Nothing, Arthur, ' said Sirius, trying to swallow the anger. He wasn't a coward...he wasn't hiding through choice!

That evening he fumed. He tried to force himself to be happy, for Harry's sake...but he was still angry. He went to bed and dreamed...he was surrounded by fog, it was dense and he couldn't hear or see anything as he stumbled through it. Then, with the softness of a whisper he heard his name being called, he spun around, searching for the source, eyes scanning the oddly glittering fog.

"Sirius!"

He heard it again. "H-Hello?"

"Sirius..."

He turned around again and saw a flash of colour, he ran towards it, reaching...arm stretched out but before he could reach the figure it was gone again. The whispering was increasing, repeating his name over and over as he searched desperately for the source. They were voices he recognised, he could hear people from his past, those who had died in the Order, the men he had spoken to in his time in Azkaban, and...he heard it, rising above all the others, a soft, friendly voice, with the hint of laughter in it...

"James!" He screamed...

He sat up suddenly, his chest heaving, his arm reaching before him. His eyes were wide as he blinked dazedly, someone was muttering something.

"Sirius? Sirius...you're alright! It was a nightmare."

"R-Remus...?" He croaked, turning his head as his hand fell to his lap. He was pulled into an embrace.

"I'm here...I won't leave you." Remus whispered.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep, shuddery breath. "It was James...it's always him." He whispered, clutching Remus tightly as he buried his face into his clothes. "He keeps calling me!"

Remus gazed into the darkness of the bedroom, feeling his heart ache. "I miss him too, Sirius...I miss him so much..."

The dream haunted him, even while awake he would hear someone call his name, making him jump and glance around at the empty house as if he expected to see James come striding into the kitchen with that big smile. Remus was gone increasingly often, their parting was done with soft whispers, lips and bodies pressed close. Sirius understood why he had to leave, yet it still made his heart ache...he still woke in the night screaming and searching desperately for the warmth of his body...only to find handfuls of cold sheets and a pillow that somehow retained his scent.

His depression was made somewhat worse when he received a copy of the Daily Prophet from Remus who had come striding into the kitchen and threw it at him. "It's begun." He muttered, pulling down a bottle of liquor from a cabinet while Sirius read the front page.

"Mass Break out of Azkaban Ministry fears Black is rallying point for old Death Eaters..." Sirius sneered, looking very much like the photograph of his cousin who gazed insolently back at them. "Ridiculous." He hissed.

"Well, who else will they blame it on? I mean, you're the only person to have escaped Azkaban until now." Remus said as he seated himself opposite his friend.

"Yeah...mass murderer..." Sirius sighed, shoving fingers into his hair as his elbows rested on the table. "It'd be nice to...not be treated like this...just once."

"Sirius..." Remus sighed.

"I want freedom, Remus." He said softly. "I want it so badly I can taste it...but it's beyond my grasp...it always will be."

"It won't be long before everyone realises that Harry was telling the truth, and when that happens they will realise he was right about you all along..."

Sirius looked up through his hair. "Except...by then it'll be too late." He whispered.

Remus frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing..." Sirius sat up and poured himself a drink, taking a sip and gazing into the amber liquid as he turned the glass in his hand.

"Oh...Boderick Bode's dead." Remus said, trying to bring Sirius back out of his head.

"Oh? And who's that?"

"He was an Unspeakable." Remus said softly.

Sirius looked up, blinking slightly as realisation dawned on him. "So he's been murdered?"

Remus nodded. "It's really starting now...odd deaths, disappearances...it's all the same..."

"Won't be long before he's taken over the ministry, killed us all off and got a nice foot hold in the Wizarding world. Yay! Go Purebloods..." Sirius muttered sarcastically.

"Come on, don't be like that. We need to have hope..."

"What hope is there?" Sirius snapped.

"We can fight this...we can win it!" Remus said fiercely. "We're better off this time around we have..."

"We have a fifteen year old boy!" Sirius said, his hand tightening on his glass. "A fifteen year old boy who doesn't even know the whole truth about what is happening! Dumbledore's insistence that he's our hope...it's crap! You remember what it was like for us...and we were eighteen! Imagine what it would have been like had we been told that the future of the whole of Wizarding Britain depended on us at Fifteen? He needs to be told! He needs to understand! It's not fair!" He slammed his fist onto the table, making Remus flinch slightly. "He should be told everything...he should be prepared. Not like we were...going into a war without truly understanding what was expected of us..." He gulped down his drink, still glaring furiously at nothing. "He should at least know what he's getting himself into..."

"I understand that Sirius, I do...but Harry's still a child he..."

"He is not a child!" Sirius insisted. "He is old enough to understand. Just like I was old enough at sixteen to accept Dumbledore's invitation into the Order...just like James was..."

"Harry isn't James." Remus said, softly but firmly.

"I know that!"

"No...No, I don't think you do. Sometimes...when you look at him I can see..."

Sirius glared at him and he fell quiet with a soft sigh. "He still has a right to know." Sirius said after a moments silence, he refilled Remus' glass with an unsteady hand. "This secrecy plan of Dumbledore's is going to backfire...and the result will be catastrophic."

**The modern lyrics and melody of "Deck The Hall" are found in The Song Book edited by John Hullah, originally published in 1866 (According to Wikipedia.org)
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