Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Lunaticus Book Three: New Moon Rising	By : JBankai89 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Remus Views: 12595 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter, I gain nothing from this but a way to pass the time.

Chapter List
- 26
- 27
- 28
A/N: Welcome back to our regularly scheduled updates! Next one will be Thursday, September 21^st.
Chapter Twenty-Seven – The Right Way

Harry did not know whether or not he should have been annoyed when he pulled back from Remus, only to hear the pantry door creak open behind them.

Remus, on the other hand, chuckled softly, only to draw Harry in for another kiss that seemed to send electric shocks to every part of Harry's body. He felt as though he might weep from how good it felt to be held by Remus again, and the mixture of sorrow and joy that Harry saw on Remus's face told him that likely the dominant was feeling the same thing.

“Come on,” Remus murmured, a note of reluctance in his voice as he pulled back, “let's talk about this before anything else.”

“Talk?” Harry asked, his mind still a little foggy from the kiss, and Remus chuckled again as one of his hands dropped to Harry's hip, still holding him close.

“Yes, talk,” he said, “if we're going to try this again, I think we need to at least try to act like proper adults and discuss everything before we make any decisions about whether or not to go forward with this thing—I meant it when I said that I didn't want to hurt you again, Harry. I still struggle with my feelings of ownership of you...my need to dominate you. I don't want to do that, I don't want to be that person any more. I love you, and I don't want to do anything else to hurt you.”

For a moment, Harry didn't say anything at all, too overwhelmed with what he was hearing.

I love you, and I don't want to do anything else to hurt you.

Harry kissed him again, and Remus immediately wrapped his arms around Harry's waist to pull him close. Harry moved willingly, and he felt as though his body had been set aflame—this was what a kiss was supposed to feel like; like home and safety, like fire, a burning passion and warm comfort all rolled into one. Harry's hands moved to entangle in Remus's hair, and he felt, rather than heard the purr-like growl of approval that escaped the older man as he held Harry close.

“My Harry...” he whispered reverently, and immediately froze as an anguished look crossed his face as he realized what he'd said. In response, Harry arched up and kissed him again.

“My Remus,” Harry replied in the same soft tone, and bit his lip as he felt his face grow warm, and Remus chuckled once more, this time in approval.

“Talk?” he prompted, and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

“The guest room is free if you want some privacy!”

Hermione's voice cut through their quiet moment, and both men bowed forward as they began to laugh.

“Come on,” Harry said, his hands dropping to Remus's, and their fingers immediately tangled together. He gave the limb a gentle tug as he led the older man out of the pantry and to the guest room, only to freeze to a halt just outside the door. Memory flooded back into Harry instantly, and he gasped sharply as the world fell away.

The lack of aural stimulation quickly began to mess with his head; every soft groan of the building, the pitter-patter of Crookshanks racing up and down the hallway, the incessant twittering of Pig—it all sounded deafening to him. Harry clutched at his hair and rocked back and forth on the bed, struggling to reign in the panic that was always so close to the surface these days.

He shivered, feeling sickened with himself. Oh, how the mighty have fallen... Harry thought, smiling bitterly into the crook of his arms. Who knew extended isolation was all that was needed to break The Saviour of The Wizarding World. He felt utterly pathetic.

Harry wasn't wholly aware that he had frozen on the spot, nor how long his flashback had caught him this time. When he came out of it, he found himself in Ron and Hermione's sitting room, and a warm, larger body was holding onto him—almost cradling him, and there was a steaming cup of tea sitting on the coffee table in front of him. A hand was in his hair and stroking it gently, and Remus was whispering softly. So softly in fact, that it took a moment for what the older man was saying to register in Harry's mind.

“Harry, Harry, come back to me,” he murmured, “you're safe, the past cannot hurt you, come on, come back to me...”

Harry jerked and his breath hitched, and Remus let him go at once as he bowed forward to bury his face in his hands.

“You must think I'm so pathetic,” Harry muttered, his words muffled, “I mean...who freaks out over a room?”

“You were held prisoner in that room,” Remus said gently, and moved to rub his back. Harry welcomed the touch—it was grounding, and made him feel like he was actually here and not trapped in his memories. “It's only natural that you'd react that way. I'm sorry, Harry, I'd completely forgotten that. Hermione too, she wasn't thinking when she recommended that we use that room...”

“Where is Hermione, anyway? And Ron?” Harry asked as he looked up, realizing quite suddenly that though they were still in Ron and Hermione's flat, they seemed to be the only ones there.

“Ron took Hermione to The Three Broomsticks,” he explained, “she wanted to be here to apologize to you, but Ron thought it best that you don't have too many people coming at you from all sides when you came out of it.”

Harry heaved a sigh, and slumped against Remus's side. Despite the reassurance that he wasn't pathetic for how he'd reacted, he did not feel that way. So much had happened to him in such a short span of time, and every time he thought he was better, something would happen to prove that he was just as damaged as before, and he was beginning to feel as though he'd never be back to how he used to be.

Remus did not immediately speak, but snaked both arms around Harry's waist and held him close. He rested his chin on Harry's shoulder, and they sat in silence as Harry tried to figure out what he wanted to say. It was terribly confusing to be both anguished and over the moon with joy all at once, and he had no idea where to start in sorting out his thoughts.

Instead, Harry chose the avoidance tactic, and reached for the teacup that had been left out for him, then settled back into Remus's side. It felt right—normal. He could not help but compare it to how it had been with Ulrich, in particular how different it was. Ulrich and Remus were both dominant werewolves, after all, but it was like Remus's entire personality had switched, and he was back to how he had been before all the madness had started—he was back to simply being the Remus Harry had fallen for to start with.

“I suppose we should...talk,” Harry said at last, and winced. For some reason, the word sounded strange to him, though he couldn't completely articulate why.

“Where do you want to start?” Remus asked, and despite his mild tone, Harry could practically feel the fear rolling off of him. Was what Harry wanted really that scary to him?

“There's a lot to go through,” Harry said as he sipped his tea, “it's like...like looking at a messy room that you need to clean without magic, and having no idea where to start, you know?”

“Yes,” Remus replied with a soft chuckle, “I know.” He paused, and reached for his own teacup. “I suppose the first step is our needs—what we both want and need out of all this. I want to be with you, Harry, I do, but you know how I feel.”

“Afraid,” Harry answered, and Remus nodded.

“I caused you a lot of damage, both physically and emotionally. Some of it can be explained away by the bond messing with our heads, but a lot of it was me, and my difficulties with this...affliction.”

“You like to handle things on your own,” Harry filled in, and Remus nodded. “Sort of like...panicking when your partner confides in you, and instead of dealing with it, you scarper?”

Remus winced at the words, but he did not try to defend himself.

“Certainly not my finest hour,” he said after nearly a full minute of silence, “my own issues nearly killed you, and there's no excusing that. I just wish I knew why you'd want to be with me at all after everything.”

“You and me both,” Harry teased, and Remus chuckled softly. “I think...I think in the end a lot of it was the bond messing with our heads. I mean, I like to think that I know you, and you'd never...I mean...you have issues, especially when it comes to your werewolf side, but I like to think that if it wasn't for the bond, you would have stayed.”

“You've no way of knowing that,” Remus muttered, and his arm tensed around Harry, while Harry, in turn, pressed himself more securely into Remus's side. “I'm a coward, there's every chance I would have abandoned you anyway.”

“...Maybe it's best we never know,” Harry mumbled in a small voice, and winced. “Let's just...move forward, yeah? If we keep discussing the past I don't think we'll accomplish anything with this...talk.”

“I agree,” Remus replied with a small sigh, “I still...I just feel awful about what I put you through, and even though I want you in my life, I also feel like I don't deserve you.”

“Why's that?”

“Oh, Harry, you really have no idea what others see when they look at you, do you?”

“A vertically challenged werewolf with untameable hair?” Harry offered, and Remus barked a laugh. It was loud and genuine, and the closest thing to a full show of joy that Harry had seen from Remus in a good long while. It warmed him to see it, and he grinned as Remus swept in for a kiss.

“An incredibly courageous young man, who has never let the tragedies in his life define him...a man who never lets his mind grow stale and stagnant with bitterness, but answers to his unfortunate circumstances with love, and never hate. Can you possibly see why I'd wonder why you would ever choose to be with someone like me?”

“No,” Harry said, and leant up to kiss him, “you're being stupid. Remus, you've saved my life so many times in so many ways and you've never once stopped and expected a thank-you. You just did it. You're so self-sacrificing it's actually really humbling. You have such a bad view of yourself. I mean, issues aside, you...you're brave, and strong, and...Remus, I wish you wouldn't put yourself down like that. You have no idea how good you really are.”

As Harry fell silent, he watched as Remus flushed an attractive shade of red at the string of compliments, and he grinned.

“I don't think I'm all that, but...maybe let's actually talk now, we keep skirting round the subject...”

“All right,” Harry replied with a small nod, and he forced himself to focus. He didn't want to discuss things, he just wanted to do them, but he could understand why Remus wanted to discuss it all first. Harry drained the rest of his tea and set aside his cup, then wrapped both his hands around Remus's free one. “Let's talk, then. Tell me, going forward, what worries you the most about all this?”

“My werewolf instincts, on the whole,” Remus replied as he set aside his own empty cup and rested his opposite hand over one of Harry's. “I feel...jealous of you, possessive...I don't like the scent of other dominants on you, even if it's someone like Hermione, who has no interest in you like that. When I see you, all I can think is...mine. I don't want to be like that, I don't want to possess you. I want to be a part of your life, not control it.”

“Blimey, that Mind Healer really did a number on you,” Harry remarked, a note of breathless awe in his voice, “even a few months ago I can't imagine you saying that.”

Remus leant in to kiss Harry, a gesture of affection that he readily returned, and all the while he stared at Harry like he was the sun.

“I meant what I've been saying...of late, at least,” Remus said, “I want to better myself. Not just for you, but for me, too. I don't want to be that person, not anymore.”

“Part of me likes it when you get possessive,” Harry admitted, his cheeks darkening as he said it, “but I think that's the sub werewolf part of my mind talking. Mostly, it scares me. I'm not a thing—I'm not a toy. I'm a person, you know? I don't think Ulrich ever really fully understood that.”

“He was socialized with other werewolves, and I was not. It's only natural that he'd be that way,” Remus replied mildly, though despite the neutral tone, Harry felt Remus's hands tense in his at the mention of his ex.

“Natural or not, I didn't like it. At least with you I'm less worried about being subjected to that all the time, it's just around the full moon when you get tetchy.” Harry paused when Remus chuckled warmly, and he cracked a small smile. A large part of him wanted to simply abandon this talk, climb into Remus's lap and snog him senseless, but he forced himself to resist temptation, and instead focused on being a proper adult about the whole situation, and discuss it. “I think...going forward, I mean, I think we should go slow, like...sloth slow. Even though I want this—I love you, Remus—there's still a lot of damage that's been done, and even though I love you, I can't say that I completely trust you.”

“That's fair,” Remus replied with a small nod of his head, and most surprisingly, Harry saw no flash of hurt in the older man's eyes at his confession. “What do you propose?”

After spending so much time in Ulrich's company, where the dominant would habitually and instinctually take the lead, for a moment Remus's willingness to step back and allow Harry to take control caught him off-guard. He studied the dominant werewolf—his older face, handsome, faintly lined, his amber eyes, his warm, welcoming smile—all of it was open and honest, and did not at all appear to be feigned. Harry's heart trilled in his chest, and he squeezed Remus's hands lightly.

“You're by and large in the wizarding world, and I have my place with the pack,” Harry said, “I won't return to that world, I feel...the pack is where I need to be. But I wouldn't ask you to come back to the pack either, that wouldn't be fair. I'm in the Sub House right now, and I thought, well...maybe we could act like a courting pair, spend time together both in and outside the territory, as well as at full moons, and maybe decide later whether or not to live full time in one place or another?”

“I...I don't like the idea of you being on your own in the Sub House,” Remus replied, and winced as he spoke, as though the words were physically painful for him to vocalize. “I worry about some other dominant laying claim to you...”

“Remus, I'm not some...some fickle sub that's going to play you against a bunch of other dominants, nor am I about to let some handsy dom make a pass at me,” Harry said firmly, and Remus winced again, the look in his eyes clear and apologetic. Harry pressed forward as though he hadn't noticed the expression. “You know how Alpha runs the pack; if a sub says no, that's the end of it. You're going to have to trust me a little.”

“I do trust you, Harry,” Remus said in a rush, “it's the others that I don't...” he shook his head, “I'm sorry. I just...I'm afraid of losing you again.”

“Let me tell you a little trick to not losing me, as you put it,” Harry said, “just chill. You know I want to be with you, and I know that I want to be with you. Isn't that enough? Just 'cause I bump into a dominant or whatever doesn't mean I'm planning to cheat on you. I want you, Remus. No one else. We're trying to fix things here, why would I want to cock it all up by doing something like that?”

“I know you wouldn't,” Remus said quickly, a note of panic in his voice, “I do trust you, and I trust us, I'm just...”

Harry cut him off with a kiss. He untangled his hands from Remus's and moved to wrap them around the older man's neck, and he marvelled at how with that simple act he felt all of the tension evaporate from the dominant's body. A grin twitched at the corners of Harry's mouth, and Remus pulled Harry closer with a soft groan. Harry immediately climbed into Remus's lap, and pressed his knees against the sofa's upholstery on either side of his hips, and he felt the older man's arms lock around his waist.

“You're just what?” Harry asked softly, and kissed him again. Remus looked up at him, his eyes mournful and apologetic, and his jaw seemed to be quivering, like there was something he wanted to say, but couldn't form the words. Harry waited for a moment, but when Remus did not speak, he attempted to fill in the blanks. “You're just scared?” Remus nodded. “Scared of hurting me?” another nod, “of this falling apart again?” he nodded for a third time

“All right, listen,” Harry said in the same soft tone, but with a firm edge highlighting his words, “the only way we won't muck this all up again is by talking. If you're scared or upset by something, you talk to me, and I will help you—if I can. Same goes for me. It'll just be the same song, different verse if we go back to dealing with our stuff on our own.”

Harry paused, and watched Remus's expression from his perch in the older man's lap. Primarily he saw guilt lining his features, but paired with it Harry could also see longing and doubt. It was a full spectrum of emotions that Harry was explicitly familiar with, and it both heartened and anguished Harry to see it on Remus's face.

Harry reached out and cradled Remus's cheek gently. The sparse stubble tickled the pads of his fingers, and Remus immediately leant into the touch while he gazed up at Harry.

“You're too good to me, Harry,” he said as he moved to cover Harry's hand with one of his own. “I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I will do everything in my power to give you the happiness that you deserve.”

Harry felt his heart stutter a little at the heartfelt proclamation, and he watched as Remus gently closed his fingers around Harry's hand, and moved it to his mouth. He brushed his lips over Harry's fingertips, before he slowly drew him into a warm, tender kiss.

Quite forgetting where they were, as they kissed Remus snaked his hands underneath Harry's jumper and pressed his rough, weather-worn palm against his spine, and circled them around to ghost across his abdomen. Harry shivered at the tickling sensation, and at the same time, he began to thumb open the buttons on Remus's cardigan with shaky, fumbling fingers, just as the flat's front door suddenly creaked open. Both Remus and Harry looked up, and they spotted Ron and Hermione staring at them, their eyebrows raised.

Ron's falsely innocent voice broke the awkward silence.

“We interrupting?”
- 26
- 27
- 28
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Lunaticus Book Three: New Moon Rising