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I Understand	By : LMG67 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 9627 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Author Notes
- 2-Revelation
- 3-Grief
- 4-Horror
- 5-Thoughts
- 6-Anger
- 7-Training
- 8-Explanation
- 9-Expressions
- 10-Thinking
- 11-Tower
- 12-Pain
- 13-Seperate
- 14-Questions
- 15-Tears
- 16-In their own words
- 17-Tantrum
- 18-Sorrow
- 19-Darkness
- 20-Light
- 21-Passion
- 22-Breath
- 23-Suspicions
- 24-Iggy
- 25-Fear
- 26-Decisions
- 27-Understanding
- 28-Draco
- 29-Harry
- 30-Fallout
- 31-Accidents...
- 27
- 28
- 29
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER!

I want everyone to know that as they read this chapter it will have a lot of dialogue in it, mostly
Draco, and that you need to keep in mind that he is talking about his feelings. Something that he is
not comfortable doing. I know my Draco is not anywhere near canon and this will be far from that as
well. But I hope that this will explain some things that you have all been asking me. Oh and Harry’s
chapter, may have to be in two parts, cause it is twice as long as Draco’s chapter.

Please keep in mind that this is a confused young man trying to talk out his feelings not only to
Madam Pomfrey but also to himself. He comes to understand and finally cope with his feelings,
which include confusion, anger, betrayal, fear, and mostly love. I hope that I got my point across in
this chapter.

ENJOY!

DRACO

Draco stumbled around the corridors of Hogwarts not paying the slightest bit of attention to where
he was going. Not that it mattered anymore. Not only was his life shit, he was now a rejected
bonded. HA! What are the odds of that he thought scornfully to himself? Harry was right in one
aspect, if they did nothing else Draco could probably survive if Harry was killed. But the question
remained would he want too?

He knew, in the deepest part of his soul, that if Harry died he would soon follow. The bond had gone
too far for him. Harry had, in the two short weeks since this had started, taken over Draco’s heart,
mind, and soul. He didn’t have one minute of the day where he was not thinking about Harry.
Damn, he sighed; he was in too deep.

And he hated it.

He hated it, because instead of celebrating the bond that they shared, Harry was degrading it. Bonds
are not common and the last known case of a heart bond and a soul bond was sometime in the
1400’s. What they had was rare and special and so damn scary that he was starting to hyperventilate
just from thinking about it.

He hated it because it was everything he wanted and everything he feared. All his life he had been
taught to never depend on anyone but himself. It amazed him sometimes the depth of feeling that he
had for his mother, his friends, and now for Harry. No matter how much his father tried to beat it out
of him, Draco still had that ability to care. And when a Malfoy cared about something they put
everything they had into it. He knew what love was, he had just never before experienced it, and
now there was Harry. He was Draco’s chance to experience the love that he had only read about and
Harry was pushing him away out of his own sense of what was right and what was wrong.

He understood Harry’s actions and that was another thing that he hated. He sighed, he needed to talk
to someone and he wanted to talk to someone that would listen and make no suggestions or
comments. Someone who would just listen to him talk himself silly.

Damn, he was going to have to go talk to her. She loved him he knew this but sometimes she could
be as scary as Dumbledore. Oh, she didn’t have a twinkle in her eye bright enough to outshine the
North Star but she had this look, a look that struck fear in Draco’s heart. She knew more about him
than anyone in this world, even his best friend Pansy. He loved her but he was also scared of her.
Not in the way he feared his father but in the way you fear someone who had knowledge that could
destroy what you yourself thought of yourself. His Godmother had a way of seeing and hearing
what wasn’t shown or said.

But he needed to talk and she was the one he always went too. She would understand and accept his
bitterness and tears and then she would have some comment that would make everything feel better.
She would gather him in her arms and hug him tightly while whispering to him that things would
turn out however they did and he would feel better and be able to face the rest of the day. She and
she alone knew what he went through after each Revel. What he had to endure for refusing the Dark
Mark. Professor Snape saw the physical side and some of the emotions he had tried to keep hidden.
But days later would find him late at night in the infirmary spilling his soul to the one person who
didn’t seem to judge him. He loved her for that.

They kept their secret well with only Pansy, and now Ron, knowing. They knew that if anyone
found out about it, both of them would be in danger. Lucius thought her dead and Mother thought
her aunt had abandoned her. He longed to tell her the truth but knew it was too dangerous. And if
Lucius found out that she was alive he would stop at nothing to kill her. So, she was here at
Hogwarts disguised as the medi-witch. Oh, she was a great medi-witch or she wouldn’t be here but
she did not look like that normally. The strongest illusion spell he had ever seen disguised her true
self and only Draco knew what she truly looked like. Possibly Dumbledore as well, though if he did
he never gave any indication that he knew that she wasn’t who she pretended to be.

He had to tell her about Harry and everything that had happened. She knew his feelings had changed
after that night in the Forrest but had never asked him. It had taken him months to gather the
courage to tell her what had happened. She had smiled at him and told him that once known love
should be given. That to keep it locked up in your heart was dangerous and unforeseen things could
happen. He had scoffed at her but now he wondered. Was that night the night the bond had truly
started?

What the fuck was whatever deity controlling this thinking? Did they honestly think this was a good
idea?

He snarled as he rounded a corner and ran face first into someone, ah yes, Bulstrode, his temporary
shadow for the last week. Amazingly he didn’t end up on his arse on the floor like he had the last
three times this week he had “accidentally” ran into her. She was a great cow of a female and though
her family was not as high ranking in the Death Eater society, as his was, her father was at least free,
unlike Vince and Greg‘s fathers. He saw her beady eyes narrow as he glared at her.

“Bulstrode,” Draco said abruptly as he straightened his robes, “how lovely to see you again.”

“Malfoy,” she retorted. Draco glanced quickly at her wondering where she had gotten the courage
that she had been showing lately. She was unusually aggressive, something that her normally small
intelligence had kept her from doing in the past. He had to find out what was going on before
something happened that he couldn’t control. Too late he realized that they had been so caught up in
the training that they had gradually separated themselves from the other Slytherins.

Draco made a mental note to talk about this to Pansy as soon as possible. They couldn’t lose the
hold that they had over the others. If they did they would lose more to Voldemort than they
originally thought. The four Slytherins in the group knew that the one the Gryffindors were looking
for was Bulstrode but they actually needed the stupid girl here and not traipsing about in the real
world where they couldn’t manipulate her. Come to think of it, they had not gotten any information
about her lately. Have to have Pansy check on that, he thought. He made to step around her but was
caught of guard once again when she stepped to block his way. He raised a slim eyebrow at her
superciliously as his only form of question as he slowly withdrew his wand from his sleeve.

“Something you need Bulstrode?” He asked calmly.

“Just wondering where you and the others have been lately Malfoy. We have missed you in the
common room this last week.”

“Well, as I am sure you know, this blasted Career Month that the old coot has thought up has kept
us all busy.” Draco put all the derision he felt for the Headmaster in his voice, hoping that it would
be enough to convince her. “I haven’t seen the common room for more than 5 minutes in the last
three days. I don‘t know why he thinks that I need to attend his stupid classes. I know what I will be
doing when I leave Hogwarts.”

She nodded her head as if she understood what he was saying but Draco doubted it.

"Yes I am sure." she drawled.

Draco raised an eyebrow at her. He really couldn’t believe her nerve. He did need to talk to Pansy
now, and possibly that red-haired git she was so enamored with. He might have some input that they
had not thought about yet. Imagine him, Draco Malfoy, going to Ron Weasley and asking advice
about Slytherins. Shocking, yes, but he had come to respect the Gryffindors keen intelligence and his
ability to see beyond what was obvious. He was a good match for Pansy, though Draco would never
tell him that to his face.

"Something I can do for you? Or have you not noticed that you tend to block a considerable amount
of hallway normally but so much more when you actually stand directly in front of someone?"
Draco said coolly smirking at the telltale flush that graced the stocky girl’s cheeks.

“Well we were just wondering where our fair leader was spending all of his time at is all?” She said
as she tried to gain control of the conversation. Lull him into a sense of security and then BAM hit
him with her real purpose. Or so that was how they had tried to teach her to do it. She wasn’t all that
good at it though.

“Really?" Draco queried. "What’s the matter Bulstrode? Can’t take a piss without asking if it’s all
right?"

"Why you little..." she growled. Real purpose be damned he made her so mad.

“Now, you really don’t want to finish that sentence do you?” Draco asked sweetly his voice soft but
dangerous. The smile that graced his face was not a nice one and never reached his eyes. He twirled
his wand between his fingers just itching to use the new hex Snape had taught him on her.

She smiled at his attempt to threaten her. She knew too much and she knew that he knew that she
knew. Ouch, she needed to stop that before she gave herself a headache. "Going soft Malfoy?" she
asked trying to mimic his earlier tone.

Any other time he would have hexed her already. She smiled at the blond haired boy as she saw him
narrow his eyes at her question. She felt a fissure of fear run down her back as he quirked his
eyebrow at her, again!, and the ice in his eyes froze her where she stood.

She knew in that moment that she had overplayed her hand and the consequences she would have to
face made her tremble. It is one thing to doubt a Malfoy but to actually speak of it out loud is
tantamount to suicide. She watched carefully as the face of the normally reserved boy flamed in
anger. Oh no, she was in for it.

She knew she was in trouble but it never occurred to her to stuff her fist in her mouth and run away.
Malfoy may have let her go if she had of, but no, her unusually small intelligence did not let her
grasp the concept of 'retreat to fight another day' that anyone in her situation would have realized
ages ago.

Draco stood there and stared at the insolent cow in front of him. She could not have known that he
was already furious and she could not have known that he was contemplating hexing her before she
had even spoken a word. So, that means she could not have known just how close to death she really
was.

He felt his face flush at the force of his anger. Draco forced himself to loosen his grip on his wand
before he snapped it in two. He continued to glare at her, his face once again an expressionless mask.
“You are pushing your luck, Bulstrode,” he said coldly, harshly, “you might want to rethink the
situation you are in and come up with a way to stop your mouth from speaking before your brain
realizes you don’t know any words. Wouldn‘t want to see you...indisposed...and missing the entire
Headmasters Great Plan for us now would we?” Draco stood in front of her, his arms now crossed
over his chest but with his wand still pointed directly at her. His flat voice had fallen into the silence
her taunting words had created.

He saw her swallow forcibly as she took in his cold words. She knew that he knew she was still at
Hogwarts only to pass on information to her father who would then pass it along to the Dark Lord.
Everyone in Slytherin House knew this and that is why most people ignored her. She didn’t care
though she was proud to have been given this task before she had received the Mark.

Draco had never really been this confrontational with other Slytherins before and that is why she
was surprised when he insulted her so outright. Before she could stop herself she had snapped back
and now she was just waiting to see which hex he was going to use on her. He had a subtle way of
insulting someone and it never included an out and out insult. Draco was better at the implication of
insultation then even his father. If insult subtly was an art form than Draco Malfoy was a Master.

As the silence stretched she contemplated the fact that he had not hexed her yet. So, the little rumors
were true...something was up with Malfoy. She had been given the task of finding out what. All that
she had managed to find out was that it involved Parkinson, Crabbe, and Goyle who were his
friends. And she was certain Madam Pomfrey had something to do with it as well though she had yet
to find out what exactly.

She felt anger rise as she watched his cold expression, he was always underestimating her, and that
would be his downfall. Another flash of anger loosened her tongue and before she could stop herself
she spoke, “you won’t always be behind these walls Malfoy,” she said flatly.

Draco looked quizzically at her and nodded his head in agreement, “Of course not, Bulstrode, your
point to that was what? Or did you have another run off of the mouth?”

She stepped up right next to him and smiled when she saw him stiffen at her closeness. “My point
Malfoy...is watch yourself.”

“Always do,” Draco sneered a purr of soft menace entering his voice, “you and your handler might
do well to remember that.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about?” she snapped.

“Don’t you?” he questioned.

“Stay out of it Malfoy.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I am so far out of it you wouldn’t believe. Just remember that my
father hates to be kept waiting. Run along now and make your report. Tell him I said hello.” Draco
made a shooing motion with his hands, his face showing his amusement.

Millicent snarled and made to grab him but for once her limited intelligence was enough to stop her
before she acted. “You won’t be this cocky, you bastard, when I come out on top.” she replied in a
clear deliberate voice.

“Bulstrode, you’ll never top me. Count on it.” Draco replied just as deliberately laughing at her
stunned expression.

Millicent stared at Draco for a few seconds before turning on her heal and stomping away to the
sound of the boy’s chuckles. There was definitely something off with Malfoy she thought to herself
as she made he way to her room. Time to let those that needed to know about it, know about it.

Before she turned the corner to head out of sight, Draco gave into the urge to hex the bitch. He
whispered the charm and laughed at her shout of pain. The aeger persona hex lasted only seconds
but was very painful and left the person that it had hit feeling ill and nauseous for days afterwards.
Feeling the best he had since he had woken up that morning, Draco continued on his way to the
infirmary.

Moments later he was still chuckling when he pushed the door to the infirmary open. As soon as he
stepped across the thresh hold his chuckles ceased as the reason he was there came crashing back at
him. He sighed as the hopelessness of the situation hit him again and the silence of the infirmary did
not calm him as it usually did. As he walked into the open ward he saw his Godmother putting clean
sheets on a bed. She glanced up at him, took one look at his face, and nodded to the door to her
private chambers.

Draco did not acknowledge her nod, nor the concerned look that crossed her round face when he did
not, he walked to the door and whispered a word before opening it and walking in. He walked in and
went straight to the chair in front of the fire and sitting down lost himself in the flames. It wasn’t that
he did not understand Harry’s actions, because he did, he just didn’t want to accept them. All his life
he had been told what to do and here was just one more person making the decisions for him.

His vision faded until all he saw was the flames. He forced his mind to go blank because it hurt too
much to think about what had just happened. He sighed as he stared into the flames as if they had
the answer that he sought. He knew they did not. The only one that did was Harry and Draco had
just walked away from him. He had felt a small jolt of satisfaction as he had left him lying there on
the floor. That satisfaction had faded quickly the further he had gotten from him. So had the anger,
fear, and longing he had felt in his chest while listening to Harry.

He didn’t know what made him madder; the fact that Harry had made this decision for him or the
fact that he understood Harry’s reasons for making the decision for him. Draco leaned his head
tiredly against the back of the chair and fought down the nausea that threatened to overcome him.
He didn’t want to think about this anymore.

He didn’t see Madam Pomfrey walk into the room and stop at the sight he made. He was curled up
in the chair with his legs Indian style underneath him and his arms wrapped tightly around his chest.
His head was thrown back showing his pale throat and she could see it moving sporadically as he
tried to hold back either tears, nausea, or both she was unsure which. It was his face that broke her
heart to see though. Draco normally wore no expression on his face at all or the cold expression that
he showed to the world, only breaking when he told her the horrors he had seen. But here he was his
face like an open book showing a Greek tragedy.

The pain and loss on his face was saddening to see but what made her heart break was the tears she
could see in his eyes. Whatever had happened must have been extremely upsetting to the youth if he
was on the verge of tears. He never cried. It was one lesson he had learned at his father’s knee that
had stayed with him. It was also one lesson that had saved his life numerous times. The fact that he
had cried and was on the verge of even more tears worried her.

She strode to the table and waving her wand she summoned tea. She watched him out of the corner
of her eye and as she watched she saw him take a great gulp of air and then a shiver run through his
body. She knew that his being here had something to do with Harry because only Harry could fluster
him this way. She murmured the charm to start the recording device that she had on this room. She
knew if Draco ever found out that she recorded each time he was here he would be very angry and
would no doubt want to hex her. She agreed with Albus though, these recordings were needed.

One day she would show them to him and they would help him heal. She remembered the night he
had come to her after his detention with Harry in the Dark Forrest. His confusion and anger that the
Boy Who Lived had rescued him, Draco Malfoy, the one boy in this school whom Harry Potter
should hate above all others, from certain death.

She had gotten a rather interesting visit from the Headmaster this morning so she was partially
prepared for his being here. What she couldn’t understand was why he looked so upset, unless he
had once again done something rash and foolish. Pushing the irritation that rose at that thought aside
she made sure the recording device was working properly before finishing up the tea.

She said nothing as she walked with the tray to sit in the chair opposite the now child like young
man before her. She set the tray on the table between them and watched as he stiffened but otherwise
showed no signs that he knew she was there. She sat by him and sipped her tea, as she was now the
one to contemplate the flames. The silence stretched but it was a companionable one. She knew he
would talk when he was ready.

Almost an hour passed that way before he stirred and took up his cup of tea. She had made it just
like he liked it, a lot of cream and very little sugar. She watched him out of the corner of her eye
again taking note of the tear tracks on his face and the now closed expression she saw there. She felt,
rather than heard, his sigh and she knew he was about to speak. Turning her attention to her niece’s
son she settled down for a nice long chat.

“That night,” he began softly, “in the Forrest. You remember me telling you about it?” He spoke
softly all the while continuing to stare into the flames his forgotten teacup sitting on the arm of the
chair he was currently curled up in. He didn’t see her nod but then again he didn’t need too. He
knew she remembered. He knew she wouldn’t speak until she had something to say that he knew he
wouldn’t want to listen to. But he would accept it though sometimes he did not like the advice that
she gave.

“I found out last night that Harry and I have a bond together...heart and soul...” Draco laughed
harshly at that and she tried, unsuccessfully, to stop the flinch that sound caused. “As if I have a
heart. Or a soul for that matter. No, it belongs to my Father. Everything belongs to him.” Draco
whispered that last part, mostly to himself she knew, but she was still able to hear it. She kept quiet
hoping he would continue to talk.

“I was going...I tried too...” Draco sighed heavily once again and for the first time looked at her. She
saw the sorrow and pain in his eyes and had to fight the urge to gather him in her arms. He pulled
the sleeve of his shirt up and it was then that she saw the half-healed slashes on his wrist. She could
not stop the gasp that escaped her as her shocked gaze lifted from his wrist to his face.

“Oh, Draco,” she breathed, “Why?”

“It was too much. All the feelings lately, the anger, the fear, the longing. Everything. Finding out
about him and then all this. Not that it matters because he has, if not outright rejected me, he has
decided to do nothing about the bond. My father will kill me to get to him if he finds out.” Draco
shrugged his shoulders as if the knowledge that his father would kill him so easily was common
place.

“He’ll use me to get Harry and I can’t let him do that. I won’t be the reason he dies. He can’t, not
like this.”

He got up from his chair and paced the room. Now came the anger part and she was grateful that she
was a master of the reparo charm because Draco tended to throw things when he got like this. He
picked up a book from a side table and passed it from hand to hand just like a ball. “I wanted it all to
stop. I wanted him to... wanted the control. I wanted the choice...I...couldn’t go through with it.”

“I am a Malfoy damn it! Malfoy’s don’t...they don’t...” Draco grunted in frustration and turned to
pace even faster. “I am so sick of it. It is like we have a damn codebook or something.”

Draco snarled and tossed the book he had picked up onto her desk, “I am not perfect. I tried so hard
to be. But I am not my Father. I lost everything I ever felt for my father. It is just too late. I feel sorry
for him. Course, that is probably Malfoy Code Rule #367, ‘Malfoy’s are never sorry about
anything’.” Draco spat out, “No, we are just plain sorry.”

He came to a stop in front of the fireplace. “I don’t want this. I don’t want any of this.” He stated
clearly. “I would rather live my life as a muggle than be a Malfoy any longer.”

“Draco,” his Godmother said bluntly, “Malfoy is just a name. It does not define who you are.” The
age-old argument between them fell flatly into the silence.

“You and I both know that is not true. When it becomes known I fight for the Light I will still have
to put up with the stigma of my name,” Draco snapped.

“I see. And don’t you think that Harry has to do the same?” she asked calmly.

Draco stared at her. The silence stretched on and on. “I...”

“Don’t try to deceive me. You can deceive yourself all you want. Draco, you care, Malfoy or not.
You can sit here all night and spout things to me but in the end the only one who truly needs to
know the truth is you. Look into your heart Draco, what do you see?”

Draco was silent for a moment as he searched inside of himself. All he could see was swirling lights
and he could hear a slow hum. “I...”

“You know how to do it Draco. Concentrate. What do you see?”

Scrunching his forehead up with the effort and biting his bottom lip between his teeth he forced his
mind inward. Suddenly the swirling lights coalesced into one bright light and the humming melded
into a muggle song he had once heard about searching for your dreams and finding them on your
doorstep. Out of the bright light walked a figure, as it got closer Draco could tell that it was Harry,
but an older looking Harry. This Harry had longer hair and was more mature looking around the
face but what made Draco catch his breath was the look of happiness on his face. Harry’s eyes were
twinkling and they were open and so full of love that Draco felt he could touch it as it shone from
Harry’s eyes.

“Harry” he breathed into he silence.

The medi-witch said gently. “Talk to him. He can’t understand if you don’t tell him.”

The scene vanished as her voice dragged Draco from it. He groaned involuntarily in pain as he lost
sight of his light, his Harry. Sighing he shook his head in distress, “he doesn’t want to talk to me.
And I understand his reasoning, really I do, but he is taking this out of my hands. Just like my father.
I hate that.”

“Does he know that? Did you tell him? Did he even ask?” She stopped at Draco’s guilty look. “He
did ask didn’t he?”

“Yes” the blond whispered.

“And...” his Godmother encouraged him to go on.

“I told him it was none of his business.” Draco said guiltily.

“Draco!”

“What was I supposed to do?” he cried out. ”He shut me out first. Do you know what he calls me?
M’ifreann mo parthas, it means my hell my paradise...” Draco slumped back into his chair and
raised his eyes to his Godmothers concerned face. “He does not know how right he is. He thinks that
by doing nothing else then I will survive when he dies. And he believes, whole heartedly, that he is
going to die.”

“But...but he is wrong. If, and I mean if, because I will do everything in my power to stop it, if he
dies I will soon follow. It has gone too far for me.”

“He has no idea how hard it is not to just reach out and grab him and throw him down and make
him acknowledge me. If...if he would just do that, oh God, how pathetic am I?”

Draco sighed and ran a hand tiredly though his hair. “Two weeks ago I would have gladly seen him
go. Now, just the thought of him not being in the same room with me makes me nervous. And
then...then there is this pull towards him...he said...he said I was his air. And then, then he said that
he would not deny the bond but neither would he do anything else. He is doing all of this so that I
might live but he does not understand that this is slowly killing me.” Draco fought back a sob as the
unexpected emotions threaten to overcome him.

“It’s like...walking in a rainstorm but it has just stopped raining. There is the howling wind and it is
pushing and pulling at you from all sides. No matter which way you turn you can’t escape it. It just
pushes and pushes, pulls and pulls, until you do what it wants you to do because it is easier than
fighting it. You push and fight against the wind but you can’t win. It just pushes harder and harder,
until you fall.”

“Once you fall you can’t get back up. Not until the wind dies down and everything is calm. Then
when you are able to get up you can finally see what damage has been done. Harry is the wind and
right now I’m on the ground crying out in pain and he either can’t hear me or doesn’t care. I hate
that. I understand how he feels. I don‘t know why, or even how, but I do. Does that make me weak?
That I know and understand and still I let him do this to me? He is so noble, so good, why would he
want me?”

Pomfrey had sat there quietly letting him talk. She felt that he needed to talk himself through
whatever was bothering him. Draco was not a person who made thoughtful decisions. He was more
of a spur of the moment man and that sometimes, well almost always, had harsh consequences. In
the last week both of these boys had been through so much she was beginning to wonder when they
would reach their breaking point. Draco was close, she knew, if Harry kept rejecting him she was
afraid he would do something drastic, and stupid, again. She wondered how close Harry was to
breaking and if he would survive afterwards.

“God,” he ground out, “one minute he is so intense I can feel his fire without him even touching me.
The next, his face goes empty and all I feel is cold. It hurts so much, both of them do, sometimes,”
he groaned as he ran his hand through his hair, “sometimes I wish he would just have at me and quit
nancying about!”

Draco sighed and his shoulders slumped his face went a little pink and he stuttered as he tried to
continue, “I...I can fe-feel him, whether he is there or not, and it scares me. The thought of not
having him there frightens me so much. I don’t think he understands how afraid I am. He has not
had much control over his life. I know how that feels. It’s like an empty hole in my chest.”

“It just keeps getting bigger and bigger no matter how hard I try to fill it. That feeling goes away
when he is there and I don’t feel so lost or alone anymore.”

He got up once more to pace, “If he feels half of what I do he is only hanging on by a very thin
thread. But I think he feels more than me. That is why he is pushing everyone away. He can’t take
he feelings because he doesn’t understand them since he has never before experienced them. That is
so sad. You think I need to quit deceiving myself, no, Harry is the one that needs to do that. If he
could only see. Only let himself feel.”

“I...I need him to feel. Feel me like I feel him. He has hurt me so much in these last two weeks but I
can forgive him because I understand him.” Because I love him, he thought to himself unsure why
he couldn’t say it out loud.

“That’s what it all boils down to you know, he doesn’t think I understand. He won’t let me close
enough to tell him. That night, in the infirmary when he was hurt, it was all I could do to stop myself
from jumping him right there. He touched my face and I was lost.”

“I wanted to die. I wanted it all to end. I can’t go back to two weeks ago. It’s as if that person is
gone. I still feel the same but different. I really don’t understand it.” He sat down and put his head in
his hands talking softly pulling his emotions out and forcing them into words. “I want to be me
again. I needed that coldness to survive. And he took that away, with one kiss he took it all away.”

“We have kissed once...once and it was...Oh God it was incredible, indescribable...like fire and ice
and singing and just plain heaven. When he pulled away I died a little. If I feel all of this I wonder
what he feels? I am sure he feels something but he is so used to hiding everything that he can’t
recognize those feelings in himself.”

Draco smiled slightly, “He has been alone for his entire life. I think he feels that he has nothing to
offer me so pushing me away is the only option he thinks he has. You know he doesn’t cry? But I
have seen him cry twice now and each time it was so painful. He says he’s not ticklish but he so is.
Everything that he does he does it because he feels he needs to, that is just so Harry Potter for you it
is irritating. He needs to save people, not wants too, oh no, not the Great Harry Potter, he needs
too.”

“I want to hit him, kick him, yell at him, and hurt him like he has hurt me. I want to make him
realize exactly what he has done. It will hurt him when he finally knows how much he has hurt me
and he will feel guilty. And you know something, I like that. I like the fact that when he realizes how
much he has hurt me that he will hurt as well.”

“I want him to let me in. Is that asking for too much? He keeps everything locked up inside. It is
pushed so far down that he can’t recognize any feelings unless they are so over whelming that then
he can’t deal with them. He just doesn’t know how. When he does it is amazing to watch, such
passion such conviction. I wish I were half the man he is. But he can‘t handle it when he breaks.
Something bad happens and soon he will break and not be able to come back. He will die if that
happens.”

“He can’t die.” he whispered agonizingly. He shook off the feelings of despair and struggled on with
the purging of his own emotions. “He is amazing you know? So many things about him make this
true.”

Draco chuckled softly his face blushing some from memories of the dreams he had been having as of
late, “He doesn’t sleep well on his back, he likes to curl around something. His eye does this little
twitchy thing when he gets mad. He hates peas but loves carrots. He eats more fruit than vegetables.
His favorite dessert is chocolate pudding. He always runs his left hand through his hair and he holds
his wand in his right hand. He looks better without those stupid glasses but he is blind as a bat
without them. Thank God, he broke them and Hermione convinced him to let her use the spell to fix
them. He smells like freshly laundered clothes. I know all this but I don’t know how or why. It
makes me want to know more, to know everything. Like the reason he has visions? Why he thinks
he has no life? Why he thinks he is going to die and why won’t he love me?”

“Oh God! Did I just say that?” Draco jumped up in a panic and began to pace again in the silence
that followed his last statement.

Suddenly he walked to her and kneeled in front of her. “Please, what do I do?” He pleaded with her.
His eyes showed such anguish that she could not stop herself from gathering the distraught boy in
her arms.

“The only thing you can do.” She said gently as she gathered the hurting boy in her arms.

“What?” Draco mumbled into her shoulder, his voice hoarse from its emotional workout.

“Love him.”

“I do.” he said so softly she was unsure she had heard him.

“Then show him that you will not be walked over, that you do love him. Show him that being with
you will be a compromise and not a dictatorship. You say he has always been alone. Draco, he may
not know how to be with someone. Show him. He needs to see it not just think you love him because
of the bond. You have to let him know you love him, Draco.”

Draco pulled back and looked into the eyes of his only family around. “But he doesn’t want me.” he
said.

“Since when have you Malfoy's ever let that stop you?” she replied her mouth quirking up at him.

Draco gave a small smile back but it faded quickly. “I can’t. It hurts too much. He has already
rejected me twice.”

“Hun, he has done no such thing. What he has done so far shows how much he does care for you. If
he didn’t love you, do you think he would go through all this pain just to keep you safe? If he didn’t
love you, do you think he would have had the strength to walk away?” She watched as her questions
were thought over by the young man before her.

Harry’s frequent visits to the infirmary had forged a friendship between the medi-witch and the Boy
Who Lived. Just as she had spent nights listening to Draco vent and then deal so she had done the
same for Harry. They didn’t realize how alike they actually were. It was the one thing, besides the
recordings, that she had kept from her Godson. Harry had said one time that if it got out what she
knew then she would be in danger. She had laughed him off saying if she had gotten this far she
would be just fine.

Draco said nothing, as he was still lost in his thoughts. He was thinking about all Harry had done
this week and then he thought about what he had said to Hermione. His Godmother was right. He
chuckled evilly in his head; Harry Potter didn’t stand a chance. Malfoy’s don’t take being told no
very well and if Draco was one thing, he was a Malfoy.

Ata Boy!

Oh go away you

Nope here to stay

Who, or what, exactly are you?

You mean you haven’t figured it out yet? And here I was under the impression that you were
very intelligent. Harry must have you wrong.

What are you talking about you fool.

Tell me my good man, when was the first time you remember hearing and understanding
me?

About two weeks ago.

So right.

You are the bond aren’t you?

Yes I am. Names ED. How you doing?

Stop being silly. So does Harry hear you too?

Yes and let me tell you he is even more stubborn and bull headed than you can imagine.
But...

But what?

Never mind.

Tell me now!

All I will say is that he is worth all the pain. Remember that Draco. He is worth everything.

Draco smirked as he grinned at his Godmother. She raised an eyebrow at his sudden change of
behavior but it shot down at her chuckle. They really were family because she knew exactly what
the blond was going to say next.

“Pom,” he whispered his Godmothers nickname grinning evilly up at her, “want to help me plan a
seduction?”

Madam Pomfrey sighed, she was too old for this. The fire faded as the two put their heads together
to plan the seduction of one Harry Potter, the Clueless Boy Who Lived.

*********************************************************

Thank you to all that read my story.

ENJOY!

LMG
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I Understand