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All\'s Fair In Love And War	By : jameschick Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 21683 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Ghost Stories

It�s funny, but when I was alive I never really thought about how bored the Hogwarts� Ghosts must get. I mean, it�s no wonder they are always so excited when the new term begins each September.

It�s bloody boring being dead.

Sure, I have spoken to the other ghosts, but since I�m the only new addition this century, I really have nothing in common with any of them.

And then there is the Headmaster.

He comes to see me on a semi-regular basis. I don�t know why, exactly, but I think he feels guilty. Like, if he hadn�t confiscated my wand, I might have been able to defend Harry with it. I might not have had to die to protect him.

He might be right, but what difference does it make now? I mean, I wouldn�t change what I did. I died so that Harry would live.

I would do it again.

I owed him at least that much after the pain I caused him. Which is probably why I sought him out after I heard about his memory loss.

I needed to tell him that I was sorry.

For leaving him.

For hurting him.

For dieing without ever making it up to him.

And also, to try and help him remember.

Apparently I�ve turned into a Hufflepuff.

If I wasn�t already dead, I�d kill myself.

I could have used this opportunity to keep Harry and Draco apart forever. I could have spun a world of lies so believable that Harry would never look twice at Draco Malfoy again. I could have used this situation to make Harry never want to remember what he�s lost. It would have been easy.

But I didn�t do it.

Instead, I used my history with Harry, this Harry who had no recollection of my deceit, my betrayal, and my decision to join with You-Know-Who, to make him believe in what the others were telling him.

I convinced him that Draco is the love of his life. That they belong together. I told him of everything I had witnessed when they were together. The support and friendship Draco had given, the caring embraces, and soft kisses. I told him of the way Draco had paired with Ron at the Hogsmeade battle without a second thought and how terrified he had looked when Macnair had raised his wand, knowing he was too far away to do anything.

I told him that he was a fool if he threw away his best chance for happiness because of a few lost memories.

I told him that he would regret it for the rest of his life.

Just as I now regretted leaving him for my family and the Dark Lord.

I begged him to not make the same mistakes I had. To give love a chance to grow between them once again.

I told him how miserable Draco was without him. That he cried himself to sleep every night. That he slept with one of Harry�s shirts wrapped around his fist, because his scent was the only thing that soothed him into sleep.

I know this to be fact because I have watched him do it.

I have watched as Draco cries, as he rages at his father�s memory, and when he calls out to the gods for a miracle.

I have seen him fall to his knees in anguish after seeing Harry, after hearing his lover refer to him as Malfoy, and not Draco. After having been treated as the school bully once again when he is so far from that shallow personage now.

I have watched as he valiantly keeps his emotions inside when Granger visits him. How he pretends that he isn�t falling apart on the inside as each new day passes and Harry still doesn�t remember.

I watched as he poured his memories into a pensieve, tears in his eyes, and praying to the gods that this would finally bring his lover back to him.

I have watched as he sits in silence, staring at his grandfather�s wedding ring.

It�s ironic that I would be the one to convince Harry that he and Draco belong together when not too long ago I was the one who professed love for the man.

Of course, I had been wrong. Yes, I loved him, in my own way, but I think I always knew that I would leave him. I kept a little part of me back, kept myself from falling in love with Harry because I knew that if I allowed myself to do so, to love him completely, I would have given up everything for him.

And that scared the shite out of me!

What the hell did I know about love? Me, a Death Eater�s son, the obligatory male child, sired - not fathered out of obligation - not love. I knew nothing of love. Only of obligations and family loyalty.

So I played it safe, I let myself feel only so much for Harry, not enough to give up everything for him, but enough that it still felt like I�d torn my own heart out when I left him.

I never should have left him.

I wonder sometimes how different things would be if I hadn�t. If I hadn�t left him, if I hadn�t walked away that day I saw Draco kiss him on the eyelids out by the lake, if I hadn�t died.

Would I still be trying to reconcile the two of them? Or would I have taken the opportunity to have Harry with me once again?

I cannot answer that question.

I really don�t want to think about it.

I�d like to think that I would do my best to get them together again, but deep down I know that if I were alive, and given this opportunity, I would take Harry and get as far away from Hogwarts, and everyone we know as fast as I possibly could.

And that is why I am glad that Dumbledore confiscated my wand.

Dead, I can only help Harry to get his life back.

Alive, I would have used this situation to my advantage.

They say all things happen for a reason.

Now I know why I had to die.

Not just so Harry can live, but so that he can have the best life possible. So that he can find what it is that he and Draco have together, again.

The really are perfect for one another.

I just hope I gave Harry enough reasons to try.
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All\'s Fair In Love And War