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Twenty Ways to Catch a Weasley	By : FairlightMuse Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Ginny Views: 16454 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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ForgetMeNot- Tada! A duel. I thought I would never get to type this in!! Thanks so much for the lovely review, and the ideas, although sadly, I wasn't able to use them all. :( However I would love to read a Snape/Ginny fic by you. . .hint, hint. :)

Firewall- I wouldn't recommend wine for a real lizard, but Ginny can get by with anything. :)

Wormey-Nope, no excuses for me anymore! Glad you are enjoying this!

sea- glad you like this. Thanksfor the review.

Authours Note-There should be one more chapter after this one. Like and epilogue. But I want to thank everyone now for tripping through this with me, and giving me such great support and encouragement!

Please review and let me know what you think!!!!!!!!!

*

The third day dawned, and the light was vague and colorless behind the pearly grey mists. There was a promise in the air of a slow, chilly, morning rain, followed by a bleak, muddy afternoon, and a positively dreary evening.

In Ginny's guest bedroom, Severus and Remus were fitting on the last of their outfits; heavy, yet soft leather dueling gloves. The room was a cheerful pale violet color, with a poster of a Muggle rock band on one wall, and a magical moving poster of a Quidditch team on another. Severus couldn't help but think that the modern decor was clashing wildly with the conventional and sacred tradition of dueling, and the ceremony surrounding the custom.

If there had been more time, he would have arranged for a more somber place of preparation, where the painted rock stars weren't leering at him, and the sounds of the two women ' cooking breakfast' couldn't be heard. The smell of the eggs and rashers was making him ill, but he refused to admit he was nervous when Remus questioned him.

Even if he did know himself that it was so. In fact, the quiet solitude of the back bedroom, where they had donned the dueling clothes; solemnly straightening a buckle here, smoothing a wrinkle there; was very similar to the preparation for a wedding, and he was for a moment amused at the thought that a second man " stood up with you" on both occasions.

He was interrupted from his reverie of comparison between the a duel and a marriage, by the tapping of an owl at the window. Lupin let the bird in, and read the scroll, nodding. It was a confirmation of the two witnesses that they would attend.

They had experienced some difficulties in finding objective witnesses. The Weasley's were obviously exempt from this category as each one had declared that they would rather spit on Adrien than admit he had won something fairly. For once in his life, Snape actually had too many ' friends', and each name he had submitted had been turned down by Cusp.

At last with some deceit, they had chosen Tonks, and she had agreed to go in disguise, and under the name of

'' Mary Smith ". They had all been amused when Adrien had accepted that name without question, even though to Snape, and probably the rest of the world, it sounded painfully false.

The second witness that they chose was Harry Potter, and they had such a notorious rivalry with each other, that Adrien Cusp had accepted it without much more than a blink, assuming that Potter would not miss an opportunity to humiliate his ex-professor.

However what Adrien didn't know; and what even Ginny did not yet know, was that Harry Potter, and Ron Weasley, ever since the day Snape had gone to visit them ( in question over the jinxed candies,) had been working together with him perfecting some new recipes for charmingly charmed confections, that Fred and George were only too willing to sell for them. Snape had discovered that his potions talents had a new purpose, and his vault was becoming steadily fuller.

Since some of the ingredients were illegal, and therefor, difficult to come by, Snape had needed the occasional assistance from the men; one of whom was an Auror, (and could sometimes go where even a spy could not.) and the other, who was a Ministry official, ( and could officially overlook the rather suspicious goings on in a particular tavern).

It was beneficial to all of them, and Harry was very willing attend the duel in the capacity of a judge and witness.

After they were dressed,there was nothing to do except wait; it was still an hour before they had to be at the dueling point. Snape looked at his reflection once more in the mirror.

He wore black trousers, and a fitted black shirt with sleeves that would not hinder arm movement. Over this was quilted black vest that would not protect from serious spells, but would cushion any falls or hurled objects. Besides, it was traditional, and he admired tradition. It was pitiful to see younger witches and wizards, angrily dueling it out in their blue jeans and tee shirts.

The knee high black boots were soft and flexible, polished by hand to a stunning shine. The gloves had green silk cording around the wrist; the only hint of his house alliance.

Over all of this, he wore the black robe, that was more of a coat, since it had starched wide lapels and was open from the throat to the waist, where it buttoned with a single silver button, before falling away again; flaring out until it rested an inch above the instep of the foot.

Over all of this was his cloak, tied loosely at the shoulder so that if could be removed with a single tug of the cord.

He glanced over at Lupin, who was dressed similarly, only his clothing, as per tradition, were dove grey; to distinguish him as the second.

" All right then?'' Lupin asked, his voice sounding rather strained, and hoarser than usual.

Snape gave a small snort and shrugged, walking to the door.

After a dismal attempt at eating breakfast, they were all standing in Ginny's hall. A light rain had begun to fall, and Remus had insisted that Hermione put on a cloak. Grumbling to herself about how she never caught chill, but she would wear the thing to please him, she opened the door to the coat closet, where Ginny kept a collection of spare coats and cloaks.

" Hey!! Your closet! What is-" she didn't get a chance to finish.

As soon as Ginny had turned to see what Hermione was looking at, Lupin and Snape had glanced at each other over the heads of the women, nodded, and then moved forward.

" Terribly sorry about this." Remus had said, before hitting Hermione with a light stunning spell. He winced as she fell heavily back into his arms.

Snape had already stunned Ginny, taken her wand, and dragged her inside the closet, which they had cleverly transformed earlier into a very comfortable room, with soft chairs, books, snacks and beverages, and a bathroom to one side. He sat Ginny in a large chair, then assisted Remus who was struggling to get a much heavier Hermione onto the sofa.

" I hope she doesn't go into labor or anything." Remus said, covering her with a blanket.

" I would believe that occasion is still a month or two away." Snape said. " They will be perfectly fine. If there is any trouble the locking spell will release, and their wands will be lying right outside on that little table. Come on, they will wake in a few minutes.'

" Once again, so sorry about this." Remus called in the door before closing it behind him.

Snape placed the locking spell on the door, and lay the two wands side by side on the small table across from the door. He too would rather not have to do things this way, but they had not been able to dissuade either woman from their intention of attending the duel. He and Remus had discussed it, and eventually he had bullied him, in good old Slytherin fashion, into giving a reticent agreement to the plan.

" You do realize we will never be forgiven for this?'' Remus asked, after they had Apparated successfully to their destination, leaving behind them the angry sounds of the two women calling to them from within the room.

" I would rather have her unforgiving and unscathed, thank you very much."

The location that Snape had chosen, was wide flat expanse of field, bordered on one end by a particularly dense looking wood. As they approached the field, they saw that the witnesses had already arrived, and the table had been set up, to the side.

Adrien appeared only a few seconds later, followed by a large, bored looking man, in a simple grey suit.

Snape didn't recognize the bored man; mostly because he was taking a long moment to gape in disbelief at Adrien's clothing.

Adrien was not wearing blue jeans. He had actually garbed himself in something that resembled simple dueling clothes. Only there was nothing simple about them. He wore a black cape, lined in banana yellow satin, that was pinned at his throat with an elaborate collar. The corners of the cloak were caught at his wrists with silver gauntlets, so that every movement of his arms made the yellow satin flash gaudily in dramatic arches.

His vest, ( he wore no coat or robe ) was not only quilted but, it had swirls and patterns stitched across the yellow yellow and white striped cloth. Including his monograms in very effiminate script across his left breast.

His trousers were also black, and tight enough that nothing was left to the imagination. It looked as though he had stuffed the front of his trousers to make a dramatic bulge, and the vest was carefully cut so that it accentuated this fact perfectly. He was certain to stand always turned sideways so that his ' profile ' was on display, and he tapped his thigh constantly with a small riding crop, ever drawing people's attention downward.

To finish the ensemble, he wore gleaming white gloves and boots( which also had his monograms stitched in yellow and black), and Remus, noticing this, nudged Snape and remarked about what type of person would wear white boots onto a muddy dueling field. The remark was enough out of character for Lupin that it drew a smile from Snape, who was thinking somewhat along the same lines. Especially since the boots had gaudy buckles across the front, to match the silver gauntlets at the wrist of the gloves, both sets engraved with scrolling designs, and finished off with what looked like sapphires set into the center.

Adrien doffed a huge soft white hat, (complete with a sweeping white ostrich quill that was probably very handsome when it wasn't damp and wilted,) and gave an arrogant little bow of acknowledgment to Snape, who returned the greeting with a crisp, flourish-less bow of his own.

" Gentlemen, my second, Edward Avens." Adrien gestured to the man in the grey suit. " Avens, my opponent, Severus Snape, and his second. . .Remus Lupin." Adrien's voice, childish and condescending on the day of the challenge, had now assumed an air of superiority as he waved his hands, causing the cloak to flutter and shine.

The men shook hands, and the two competitors went to their separate ends to remove the extraneous garments, while the seconds examined the wands, to be certain they had not been tampered with.

There were three sets of two wands. Each wand would fire only once. If neither man was killed after all weapons had been used, then they could either shake hands and call it a truce, or demand satisfaction on another day.

Adrien was doing a pretty believable job of disguising his nervousness behind the pompous exterior, but Snape, trained for so many years as a spy, could smell fear on the man, and thought to himself that he had been wrong all along. Gilderoy Lockhart was not the worlds biggest fop after all.

At the judge's table, Harry Potter snapped closed a gold pocket watch and said;

'' Gentlemen the time has come. Please choose your weapon. "

Alene Crawford, one of Cusp's witnesses offered the container in which the wands had been shuffled. Snape, as the challenged person, was allowed to draw first. The wand was a thin flexible willow, unmarked. The one Adrien drew was identical.

A magical line had been drawn on the earth, exactly in the middle of the field. It glowed a warm orange color, reflecting on the faces and hands of the two men who now stood back to back, trying not to breathe too fast, or too raggedly while one of the judges droned through the rules.

' Tell yourself she is worth it." Snape repeated the litany in his head. " You are a Death Eater. You have fought in a duel before. You will win."

He wished he could believe that. He had only ever fought one genuine duel before, and it was as simple as ducking the other mans ill-aimed blows. He had boasted of his experience to Cusp with a lot more bravado than he was feeling at the moment. A glance at Lupin revealed that his second was not very enthusiastic either. The man was fidgeting under the growing air of excitement and tension, his face grey and his eyes flashing.

It was too late now to fall down and play dead, though, Potter had begun the count.

One. Two. Three. The field seemed desolate and grim before him as he walked in time, His paces taking him further from Cusp and closer to the possibility of doom.

He tried to take note of the wind and the light; but his thoughts were racing madly. His immaculate concentration broken by the face of a woman, her red hair brushing his face, her eyes,. . .

Concentrate! He barked mentally at himself.

Here it was!

Everyone held a collective breath as the players on the field turned in almost perfect synchronization, firing simultaneously.

Both hexes missed their target, but Adriens came dangerously close. Snape avoided it only by shrugging his shoulder a the right time.

Snape closed his eyes, and muttered something like a curse at his aim, and a prayer of thanks that Adrien had missed as well. Apparently Cusp was better than he had given him credit for.

The returned to the orange line, were once again offered the container of wands. ( this time carried by " Mary Smith", who offered a slight and reassuring smile) Once again they were back to back. This time, Snape could feel the the damp heat of Adrien perspiring nervously. Cusp was trembling , yet he had the audacity to mutter under his breath;

" I will get you this time." before Harry began counting once more.

The failure of the first round had cleared Snape's mind, bringing home the reality of his situation. Adrien was not just going to feint three times and call a truce, he could see that now. There was a look of pure loathing in the young man's face, that promised he would challenge gain and again. Or else simply turn Snape in to the authorities for illegal dueling.

There was nothing for it but to kill or wound the twit and have the whole thing over and done with.

This is exactly what Snape was thinking when he turned the second time and fired, aiming right for Adrien's belly. Cusp side-stepped reflexively and the curse struck the ground at his feet, causing him to dance backwards with a girlish shriek, sending his own hex flying towards the table of judges. The green light shot right between Lupin and Avens, and struck the protective shield that Harry raised just in time.

Snape smiled to himself as they returned for the third and final time to the line. Cusp's little dance number had dislodged whatever he had used to stuff his trousers with, and now his bulge had slid down to the outside of his right knee, where it took up the career of impersonating a gigantic tumor.

Apparently the near miss had shaken Adrien up considerably. He was paler than usual and his dark hair, which had been flawlessly styled only one hour ago, was now damp and plastered to his forehead.

This time as they stood back to back, Snape couldn't resist the urge to tease him just a bit.

As Douglas South, the fourth witness carried away the now empty wand container, Snape taunted under his breath;

" I think I have had enough of playing with you. Although I enjoyed watching you dance the tango back there, I would rather see your slimy yellow entrails spread across this field. What do you think about that?"

Adrien did not answer.

One. . . Two. . .Thre-

Adrien doubled over and vomited onto the grass, and Snape rolled his eyes, returning to the line. In his opinion., only a great fool would wait until the last round to get nervous enough to be ill.

No one stepped forward to assist Adrien, and when he returned to the line on wildly shaking legs, his face was lit with a blush of mortification.

One. Two. Three.

The Death Eater part of his nature was coming alive as he distanced himself fro the now reeking Cusp. He felt very alive, listening to the sounds his victim was making.It would be good sport to torture him, before killing him; very exhilarating.

Carefully, Snape pushed that feeling deep down with his other tumbling emotions. He needed to be calm. To keep a cool and level head.
The air was completely silent after the last number was announced. It seemed like it took him forever to turn around, to raise the wand to chest level, to recall the correct words. . .
They died on his lips though as he felt the cool air of a hex touching his skin, stunning him a moment. A great roar went up from the other people, Snape could see Lupin out of the corner of his eye, hastening towards him. He did not turn to him though, his eye was on the rapidly moving figure ahead of him. Adrien Cusp, fleeing toward the woods.

He realized what had happened. Adrien had turned one pace early and fired a hex at his back, then began running toward the trees, never looking back to see if he had hit Snape or not.

With a grimace, Snape raised his wand again.

" No!" Lupin took hold of his arm, but he shook him off, and declared silently, a combination of two spells. Near the trees, Adrien crumpled and fell.

'' You shouldn't have hit him! '' Lupin exclaimed. " You should have let him go."

" I did. Well, At least, he isn't dead." Snape said bitterly, flexing his left shoulder where Adrien's curse had brushed past.

Avens, Adrien's second, was striding purposefully across the field, his face set sternly.

" He isn't dead." Snape assured him. " I just Obliviated him."

A loud sound a the judge's table behind them indicated that the wands had been destroyed.

Avens surprised Snape by seizing his hand and pumping it vigorously.

" Sorry about all that." he said. " Wouldn't 'ave made me cry if you 'ad killed 'im. 'ee paid me to stand with 'im, is the only reason I'm 'ere. For the sake of ceremony though, I 'ave to say that I am satisfied that you won this duel."

" Thank you. "

" He must have ran off into the woods,' Potter approached the three men. " All I could find were these." he handed Snape a piece of paper, a large handkerchief, and one of the silver boot buckles.

" Do you want us to find him? '' ' Mary Smith ' asked coming up as well.

" No need. I am certain he will appear somewhere." Snape assured them, taking the paper and the buckle from Harry. He did left the handkerchief untouched, having the strangest feeling that he knew where that had been last.

" Congratulations on winning." Potter shook his solemnly.

" You all right? That last hex looked like it got a bit close. Bloody git." ' Mary Smith' glared at the woods where Cusp had vanished.

" I am fine. " At least until I let Ginny out of that closet, he thought. She would either be furious, or sick with worry. Probably both, he decided.

" Right then, what's next?" Mary smith asked.

" 'Ow bout we all celebrate? I'll buy the first round of drinks!" Avens declared.

" Splendid! Remus? Severus? Care to come along and drink to your success?'' Harry thumped Lupin hard on the back.

" Errr. . .no, actually Harry. I think I ought to get back. Small matter to clear up." Lupin said sheepishly.

" Oh yeah. Where are Hermione and Ginny?" Harry asked, frowning. " What did you do, petrify them so they wouldn't tag along?"

'' Don't be ridiculous." Snape snapped. " Petrification is first year folly."

" He locked them in the closet." Lupin interjected.

" Oh. . .professional." Harry nodded in mock approval. " I didn't think there was room in Ginny's closets for two people and a lizard."

" You didn't let them come?You ought to be ashamed. " said ' Mary Smith' tripping over the clump of grass.

" I am sure that I will be by the day's end." Snape amended.

At the moment though he was ecstatic enough over being alive that he was standing in the rain talking to a group of people he didn't like, and was pretty happy with it. Even though he knew he was dreading the actual act opening the closet door and releasing the red-haired hellion.

" I think I'll go on back, and open the door." Lupin said.

" I'll do it.''

Lupin looked nervous.

" I think it would be better if I did."

" I think not. I have survived this duel, and I want to be there to see the look on Ginny's face when I tell her as much." without a warning, he Disapparated before Lupin could argue further.

" Damn!. If you will excuse me." he nodded to everyone around. " Have fun." and he too vanished.

" Right. So which pub is it?" Harry asked with a shrug.

***
Snape Apparated right into the kitchen, and in his hurry to get to the hall, he knocked over a table and a broke a teacup. The low voices inside the closet hushed.

A loud pop indicated that Lupin had also arrived.

" Severus, wait. Maybe we should explain through the door. . . " he called, but Snape took out his own wand and opened the door.

Ginny came barreling out, her red hair flying and her face livid She looked around, taking in the rain soaked clothes, and the triumphant look on Severus face, and the apologetic expression on Remus' . She wasted no time in getting to her point, rounding on Severus.

" You stupid git! Are you all right?"

" Yes. I-"

" Good. " she said angrily, poking his chest with her finger. " You stupid, evil. . . wanker. Do you know how worried I was? Do you have any idea how awful it was to have to sit in there and worry myself to death over you?'' she sounded an awful lot like her mother at that moment.

" For goodness sakes, say something! Don't just walk in here and not apologize, not kiss me, not even lie and excuse yourself. Well?"

" I am trying to say something-"

" OF course, you wouldn't think of saying anything would you?

" But-"

" No, just expect me to accept it , and forgive you because I love you. Just stuff me in a closet so I won't get hurt and then come home all covered in mud and blood, and want me to-"

Snape gave up trying to get a word in. With a sigh, he took her by the shoulders pulled her close and kissed her. If he was expecting her to melt into his arms then, he was sorely disappointed.

He did receive however a look of absolute shock, and then to his dismay, Ginny began spitting and wiping her mouth, making exaggerated sounds of disgust.

Lupin rolled his eyes, throwing up a hand in exasperation. Hermione stepped back into the closet to avoid being spat on.

" Terrific Your giving it away.' he muttered.

" Ugh. I don't like you that much! " Ginny said, looking as though she had just drank a cup of vinegar.

" What? Me?" Snape asked, feeling perplexed.

" No not you, h-him." she gave a great shudder.

" Sign our death warrants." said Lupin.

" Well, what was all of that nonsense about love?" Ginny demanded.

" About buying more time!" Remus said.

" What is going on here?" Hermione demanded, glaring suddenly at Ginny. Snape detected cold shards of jealousy in that look, and only then did he think to notice how odd the little spat between Ginny and Lupin appeared.

With another look of exasperation, Lupin took out a wand and before Snape could grab his arm, he had struck Ginny square in the chest with a beam of blue light, knocking her off of her feet.

" Remus! " shrieked Hermione, and Snape whirled to aim his own wand at Lupin, only to drop it in surprise. Where Lupin had stood before, now Ginny was standing, and on the ground behind him, was Lupin.

" What? YOU! " Hermione pointed her finger accusatively to the Lupin who sat on the floor. " It was you in there? You sneaky little-. . .Ginny!! Did you do this? "

" Yes. It was my twin curse."

" Your what?" Snape demanded, retrieving his wand from the floor.

" Twin curse. What I do to one twin happens to the other twin. Only. . .I haven't perfected it. It always does the opposite to the other person. And obviously" she gestured to the floor. " it works on people who aren't twins."

" Do you mean that. . .it was you? With me today? At the duel?" he seized her shoulders and shook her slightly.

" Yes."

He regarded her in silence for a long time.

" I don't know whether or not to spank you for being foolish or kill him for letting you do this." he finally said glaring.

" Kill me? She threatened me!" Lupin grumbled.

" Do whatever you like. It was worth it to me to know I was there with you." Ginny glared back, ignoring Remus.

" I should have known you gave in too easily, about not being my second."

" I can't believe you didn't tell me." Hermione said to Remus.

" That would have been a bit awkward, don't you think? Besides, it isn't like I had much of a choice." he said.

" Nooo. You just wanted to hear me confess all of that stuff, didn't you?"

Snape looked down at Remus, who was leaned back on his elbows grinning as his wife leaned over him, bawling him out.

" Oyick! " Snape suddenly made a gagging sound. " That means I kissed you!"

" That is why I was trying to stall you. " Ginny said. " If I had gotten here a full three seconds sooner, I could have had us completely reversed before you were ever the wiser." she shook her head sadly.

My favors for people do not include snogging other men, Ginny, sorry, I have my limits." Lupin said. " Or going into long rants about love. . .either."

Ginny grinned sheepishly.

" Clever though, huh? I think the words and they come out of the other person's mouth."

" So did you mean all of it?" asked Snape quietly.

" I meant every word he said." she winked. " Including the angry stuff. " She added sharply.

" Then I have a gift for you." he took out the objects from the field. Behind him, Lupin was giving an account of the duel, as he must have seen it transferred through Ginny's thoughts.

" Do you know what this is?" Snape held up the piece of paper.

" No."

" This is Adrien Cusp. I transfigured him."

" Clever Snape. " she grinned." What should I do with him, put him in a book somewhere? Flush him down the loo?"

" Better not. The transfiguration isn't permanent. "

" How about the Obliviate?"

" Oh just a selective process, through which I removed the memories of the duel, his affair with you, and his job at the ministry. Those memories were sadly lost when the dueling wands were destroyed. Pity." Snape raised a brow at her.
" Well, then, I know just what to do. " she walked to the kitchen table, where she took up a quill. In large letters she scribbled;
"SOS

My name is Adrien and I am an utter prat. I am a cheat,a coward, and a bad singer. Please deal with me accordingly.''

She dotted the ' i's' a little more forcefully than was necessary, then rolled the paper up tightly. Seeing her intent, Snape gladly passed her the empty wine bottle that was still sitting on the counter.

Ginny gleefully stuffed the paper into the bottle.

" Say goodbye to Adrien." she said, and with a snap of her fingers the bottle was gone. " That note will be written on his forehead. Or at least. . .I thnk that will be his forehead! "

" Where did you send him?" Hermione asked.

" Oh, he'll be landing in the channel before long." Ginny grinned. " And life can go on."

'' By the way, you can kiss me.'' she whispered to Severus.

Instead of taking her up on the offer, he turned to the others.

" If you will excuse us, I have something of the utmost importance to show to Ginny. I trust you can show yourselves out?" he took hold of Ginny's arm, pulling her against himself.

" We'll tell you all about it later" Ginny called back to the others ". . .it was really amaz-" her words were cut off as she was Disapparated along with Snape, from the room.

" Oooh, the utmost importance?'' Hermione asked with a laugh once they were alone. " I can only hope he is talking about the house! "

TBC>>
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Twenty Ways to Catch a Weasley