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Coming of Age (Female Potter)	By : stargazer67 Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 11694 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Given the legwork that Ron and Hermione had already done, they manage to find the goblet and destroy it within a few weeks. Now they are journeying back to Hogwarts, knowing that Voldemort is also headed there and knowing that Nagini will be with him, and that the snake is the last Horcrux. Evie hopes that she can find a way to see Severus alone when they get there, and is very much looking forward to that.

Meanwhile, Snape has felt his Mark growing warmer, so he knows that Voldemort is getting closer to Hogwarts, if in fact not already there. He still worries a little about whether he can successfully hide his feelings from Voldemort, and is actually a bit grateful in this respect that Evie has been away; it’s been easier to keep her towards the back of his mind, except when he’s alone at night. He has missed her and their son terribly, but Phineas’s reports have at least been something of a comfort to him; he's glad she thought to take Phineas's portrait with her. He wishes for the thousandth time that this was all over so they could be together all the time.
He goes down to the Great Hall for lunch, and while he’s gone, Phineas tells Dumbledore that Evie and company are on their way here, and why. Phineas had waited to tell Dumbledore until Snape was out of the office, wanting it to be a surprise for Severus. He's a little confused that Dumbledore actually looks a bit wearied rather than pleased at the news, and Dumbledore asks him to go back and continue to watch over Evie.
When Snape comes back in, Dumbledore calls to him. Looking grave, he says, “Severus, there is something else that you and Evie need to know; and you must be the one to tell her what I'm about to tell you, before she confronts Voldemort. She is on her way here now and will be here soon.”
Snape’s heart lifts at this, even though it does increase his worry; it has been too long since he’s been able to see her, or touch her, and he’s hoping he can find a way to do both when she gets here. Returning the Sword of Gryffindor without letting her know he was there was more difficult for him than she knew.
But his whole world begins to shatter with Dumbledore’s next words. Dumbledore says, “Severus, Evie herself is also a Horcrux. Part of Voldemort’s soul attached itself to her when the curse he tried to kill her with rebounded on him.”
Snape frowns and Dumbledore goes on, “Voldemort cannot be killed as long as part of his soul lives in Evie. She must die, and Voldemort must be the one to kill her.”
The blood begins to drain from Snape’s face and the full impact of this revelation is slightly delayed simply by the enormity of it. Still in shock, he asks, “How long have you known this?”
Dumbledore looks sadly at him, saying, “For some time. I did not want to destroy the happiness you had found together until it couldn't be avoided any longer. It was also the main reason we needed to delay her confrontation with Voldemort while she was pregnant.”
Snape has another horrified thought at this statement and Dumbledore quickly reassures him, “Her children are not affected. They were all conceived in love; Voldemort’s soul could not have borne to be anywhere near them, and it shielded even the knowledge of them from him.”
As the full import of what Dumbledore has told him begins to sink in, Severus goes back to his chair and sinks into it. He breathes, “…no…” almost silently, then a bit louder, and then as the anguish builds inside him he cries out, “NO!”
Suddenly angry, he glares at Dumbledore’s portrait, saying “Why, Albus? Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? You knew how I was feeling, why did you let me…oh, God…no, please, not again…” Snape hangs his head in his hands, sobbing; once more, he can do nothing as the woman he loves with all his heart and soul is taken from him by the most evil wizard who ever lived.
Dumbledore waits until Snape's sobs have quieted a bit and replies, “I believe you’ll find the answer to that question lies within your own heart, Severus. There are no guarantees in life, there never have been. But even so, some things still can last a lifetime – and beyond.”
Finally, Snape looks back up at him, anguish written clearly on his face, and asks, “How am I supposed to tell her this? I can’t do it, Albus, there has to be someone else. I can’t…”
Dumbledore says, “There is no-one else, Severus. I’m sorry.” Dumbledore goes inactive then, leaving Snape to his thoughts.
Snape sits numbly, tears falling unnoticed from his eyes, for some time after Dumbledore withdraws. He wonders how he can possibly tell Evie that she must sacrifice herself to kill the part of Voldemort’s soul that is living in her. He looks towards Phineas’s portrait for a moment, wondering if he also heard Dumbledore’s words to him – but, it’s empty. Phineas has been spending most of his time watching over Evie as much as he’s able to, only returning periodically to give him updates.
Snape finally decides that there is no way he will ever be able to tell Evie this face to face, he’ll never be able to get the words out – so he pulls out the memory of it, and puts it into a tiny flask. He hollows out the handle of his wand and stashes the flask inside, so it will be safe. He’ll have to figure out a way to get it to her when the time is right, and not before. He’s not going to destroy her life the way Dumbledore has just destroyed his, not until he absolutely has to.
He is completely lost, Evie has become his whole world and the thought of losing her is one that he can’t wrap his mind fully around, nor does he want to have to. He thinks about just taking her and running away, Apparating somewhere that no-one can find them. The problem with that of course is that since neither of them actually knows where the children are, they’d have to leave them behind and might never be able to get them back; and the thought of that is heartbreaking, too. As is the thought of leaving them behind in a world that still contains an immortal Voldemort, as long as Evie still lives.
Snape wonders bitterly why doing the right thing has to cost him so damn much. It’s too high a price, and he’s already had to pay dearly for doing the right thing before now as well. He thinks for just a moment that he wishes he’d stayed uninvolved, with Dumbledore, with her, with all of it; telling himself acidly that he’d never have had to feel this way if he’d just remained aloof from it all.
But his quiet inner voice, that he’s not heard in a very long time now, begins to flood him with all the things he’d have missed, all the joy that she’s given him; and for a moment a smile even touches his lips as he is swept away in all the wonderful things he’s had. He realizes, even in a way that he hadn’t fully realized the first time he lost her, that it was worth it; that the only reason it does hurt so much is because it was worth it.
Words begin to come to him and he grabs a parchment and begins to write. Evie had never asked him about the poem he had given her the memory of, so he’s not sure whether she ever saw it in the memory (she might not have stopped to read it before going on); but if she’d asked, he’d have told her that he actually isn’t much of a poet, at all. It’s something that has only ever come to him in extremes, only when he’s at an extremity of emotion; he can’t seem to make words flow at any other time, but at times like this they just come to him without thought.
If we burn our wings, flying too close to the sun

If the moment of glory, is over before it’s begun

If the dream is won, though everything is lost

We will pay the price, but we will not count the cost

We will pay the price, but we will not count the cost

When the dust has cleared, and victory denied

A summit too lofty – river a little too wide

If we keep our pride, though paradise is lost

We will pay the price, but we will not count the cost

We will pay the price, but we will not count the cost

And if the music stops, there’s only the sound of the rain

All the hope and glory, all the sacrifice in vain

And if love remains – though everything is lost

We will pay the price, but we will not count the cost

We will pay the price, but we will not count the cost
And if love remains – though everything is lost

We will pay the price, but we will not count the cost

We will pay the price, but we will not count the cost

And if love remains...
[Words and music 1992 by Peart/Lee/Lifeson, Rush]
He looks at it for a long moment, and then decides that as he's written it in a much smaller hand than usual, it should fit in his wand with the flask. He pulls the flask back out of his wand, tearing the poem out of the parchment and rolling it around the flask; finding that it does fit, if a bit snugly. He thinks it will help give him courage and remind him what is at stake, when the time comes. He knows he's going to need all the help he can get to carry out this particular task, it will be the hardest one he's ever had to perform.
He continues to sit in silence, as the day turns to night; a bit more at peace now, but still feeling like he has been turned into stone. He is aware that Evie will be at Hogwarts soon; but he’s lost all desire to see her at this point, knowing what he knows and also knowing that he can’t possibly hide it from her. Finally Lucius enters with a summons from the Dark Lord, and he knows he must answer it; so he composes his face and mind as best he can, and goes to meet Voldemort.
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Coming of Age (Female Potter)