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Lunaticus Book Three: New Moon Rising	By : JBankai89 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Remus Views: 12599 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter, I gain nothing from this but a way to pass the time.

Chapter List
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A/N: Next update will be September 26th.
Chapter Twenty-Eight – Indecision

Harry returned to the territory that evening after he and Remus had joined Ron and Hermione for supper. Most unfortunately, he'd quite forgotten that the scent of Remus would cling to him like a heavy perfume. As he wove through the submissives and dominants, he did not miss the way several sets of eyes followed him—looks of confusion, of bewilderment—and of heartbreak.

Harry avoided Ulrich's eye as he walked, but despite his best efforts, he still caught the mournful look upon the dominant's face, and he felt his stomach clench guiltily.

Unable to handle the stares, Harry made a beeline for the Sub House, and breathed a sigh of relief when he slipped inside and shut the door behind him.

The familiar scents of the house, and the solitary smell of only submissives surrounding him was calming. Harry hadn't quite realized how tense he was until that exact moment, when immediately upon entering the house, it felt as though every bone in his body had turned to jelly.

Despite the fact that it was still relatively early, Harry made a beeline for the sleeping quarters, but his shoulders sagged a little with disappointment when he saw that Tavish wasn't there.

“He's with Fenrir tonight,” a voice said, and Harry turned to see Adina standing in the doorway with a small smile on her face. “I wouldn't go looking for him right now, if I were you.”

“How'd you know I was looking for Tavish?” Harry asked, and her smile widened to a warm, maternal expression that reminded him deeply of Molly Weasley.

“Come with me, Harry,” she said simply, and without waiting for a response, she turned and sauntered out of the sleeping quarters. Harry hastened to follow, and she led him through the sitting area (dotted by a few of the subs, but mostly empty at such an early hour of the night) and to an area of the house he hadn't been to before—the kitchen.

It was a very simple space, with a fireplace and overhanging iron rod for attaching cauldrons for stew, an old-fashioned wood stove, and an island surrounded by simple wooden stools. The cupboards had no doors, and Harry could see a jumbled mix of mismatched mugs, plates, and bowls inside.

“I didn't know there was a kitchen in here,” he said conversationally as he took a seat, and Adina offered him a small smile as she started the fire in the oven, and set a full tin kettle atop it to boil.

“We don't use it too much,” Adina replied, “usually if a sub is accosted by a dominant and it goes too far, they're sometimes reluctant to leave the House unless they absolutely have to, so we let them take their meals in here until they feel confident enough to leave again.”

“So why are we using it now?” Harry asked as he arched a brow at her, “I'm not traumatized...not at the moment, anyway.”

“I assumed you'd rather unwind in a space where you're not being stared at by every horny dominant in the pack,” Adina said, much more coarsely that Harry would have expected from the older woman, and she smiled at him when her words were met with a blank stare. “From our perspective, you're available again. A lot of dominants would love to get their hands on you.”

Harry shivered at the phrasing, just as the kettle began to whistle. Adina turned from him to pour them each a cup of tea, and Harry accepted it with a small nod of thanks.

“I'm not though—available, that is,” Harry said once Adina had seated herself across from him, “I'm with Remus again...sort of, at least.”

“To us, you're not,” Adina replied simply, “you and he are living in different places; your dominant is not here to defend his claim of you.”

“My dominant?”

“He is yours, and you are his, regardless what the dominants may think,” Adina said, her mouth twitching into a small smile. “During the breeding season, female subs can be just as volatile as the dominants, they don't monopolize possessive werewolf behaviour as much as they think that they do.”

“Breeding season,” Harry mumbled under his breath, and refocused his gaze on Adina as something suddenly occurred to him. “Wait, does that mean Alpha has kids?”

“Indeed he does,” Adina said, and laughed out loud at Harry's look of utter shock that crossed his face at her response. “Six. All of my flesh.”

“Who are they?” Harry blurted out before he could think better of it, “where are they?”

“Ainslie, Nina, my triplets—Ryder, Rae, Rhys—and my last, Violet,” she said, ticking them off on her fingers as she went, her eyes gaining a faraway look as she spoke. “Gone now.”

“Gone?” Harry asked, and winced a little at how insensitive the question sounded in his own ears. However, Adina did not appear offended, and she answered him in a calm and conversational tone, as though they were discussing nothing more than the weather, or what they planned to have for dinner.

“It's tradition for the children of the pack alpha to strike out on their own when they come of age. Sometimes they come back, but often they join other packs or start their own,” Adina explained patiently. “I never liked it, and neither did Alpha, but he'd only just come into power and begun to overturn our laws about the treatment of the submissive pack members at that time, and he worried that too much change too fast would lead to an uprising from people like Bryce.”

“How long ago was that?” Harry asked curiously, his head tilting to the side as he watched her expression shift to a faraway, almost nostalgic look.

“Almost thirty years,” she replied, “I've been unable to bear children since the first war, your Dark Lord saw to that. He cursed me when Alpha would not cooperate, and I have not been able to bear a child since.”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” Harry said quickly, but Adina shook her head.

“Don't apologize for something you could not control, Harry,” she said firmly. “It is not something that pains me anymore—not in the same way, at least. It was a long time ago, and I am no longer concerned that Fenrir will push me aside for another sub.”

“But...” Harry paused and grimaced, uncertain how to form his question without sounding terribly insensitive. “Er...but what about Tavish?”

“How could anyone know Tavish and feel anything but protective adoration for him?” she asked with a warm laugh, and Harry cracked a small smile. “Perhaps it looks a little odd to you because of how you were raised, but in werewolf culture, it is not uncommon for an alpha to take two mates—a breeding sub and a paramour—or bit on the side, if you want to be crude. Precious few alphas will take just a breeding sub or a male sub, it's usually both. I've never felt threatened by him, and as far as I know, he's never felt threatened by me, either. As far as breeding subs go, Fenrir never wanted anyone else, it's always just been me.”

She finished her statement with a smile, and Harry could all but feel the confidence exuding from it. She was deeply proud to have been chosen by the alpha, and it was a feeling that Harry knew that Tavish shared with her. To be on his arm (or in his bed) was not a job to them, it was a privilege. It was hard to believe that she and Tavish had been with Greyback for thirty years.

Harry blinked, and thought back to it again.

Tavish did not look older than twenty-five, at most. How was that possible?

“Wait, hang on,” Harry said suddenly, “thirty years? Tavish talked about Alpha overturning those laws for the subs too, but I thought it was just a year or two ago...”

“For werewolves who accept what they are and do not fight it, like myself, Alpha, Ulrich, and Tavish, nature takes over,” Adina explained patiently. “A natural werewolf will age more slowly, but those who fight it, either with magic or muggle drugs, the opposite happens.”

“So how old are you—all of you?”

“It's impolite to ask a lady that sort of question,” Adina teased, her eyes twinkling with mirth, and Harry laughed. “In short, we all look good for our age.”

“I felt like I knew so much about werewolf culture,” Harry said, his head bowing forward as he stared into his teacup. “After getting to know Remus, and the turning, and everything, but every time I feel like I've learned everything, something else happens that shows how little I actually know.”

“Remus's story was always a sad one,” Adina replied as her mouth twitched into a frown. “Never in all my life have I met someone who hated themselves that much. At one time, he believed himself to be cursed, always to gain something good in his life, only to lose it in some sort of brutal fashion. First his lover and his friends, then everything that happened between him and you...”

“—lover?” Harry cut in, “what lover?”

“I can't remember his name,” Adina replied with another frown, “Something Black...Cyrus...Cyril...”

“...Sirius?” Harry asked weakly.

“Sirius, that's it!” Adina proclaimed, but her smile dimmed at once when she saw the look on Harry's face. He turned away from her and sipped his tea, and tried to get a handle on the strange emotions that were coursing through him as he sat there and tried to absorb this new piece of information.

“Harry, dear, are you all right?”

“I don't know...” Harry replied with a small grimace, “I feel...weird. Sirius was my...my godfather. Remus never mentioned that they had been involved.”

“It's usually considered good form to not discuss your former partners with your current one,” Adina said, “I doubt he was doing it to deliberately keep you in the dark.”

“It's not that,” Harry replied as he grimaced, “I don't really feel upset that he didn't tell me—I mean, it's his business, that...but...I feel...jealous.” Harry's voice dropped to a soft whisper, and he felt his face flare with embarrassment. “I'm jealous of my sodding godfather. It just feels so...strange.”

“Part of that is likely instinct,” Adina replied, “you don't want anyone to have your mate but you.”

“I s'pose...but I think it's more that I'm involved with someone who had been seeing my godfather. It's weird...isn't it?”

“Not that weird,” Adina replied with a small smile, “both in wizarding and werewolf culture, age gaps are nothing. There's close to a forty-year age gap between Alpha and Tavish, and during the nineteenth century, it was not uncommon for an older man to court or be betrothed to people half their age.”

“That's not really making me feel any better,” Harry mumbled, and drained the rest of his tea before he jumped back to a more pressing topic of conversation. “It's not important. Anyway, what can I do to keep the dominants off my arse?” Harry felt his face grow warm, both at the accidental innuendo, and Adina's answering, amused smile. “I mean, keep them away? I don't want to make things more complicated between Remus and me.”

“If you could convince your mate to come back to the territory and live amongst us, that would be your safest option,” Adina replied with a firm, matter-of-fact tone of voice. Harry frowned; that wasn't exactly what he had wanted to hear.

“I can't do that to him, not now,” Harry said at once, “he still has a hard time with the werewolf parts of himself. I don't think he hates himself like he used to—he's working on it, at least—but I don't want him to feel pressured to come back here. I only want him to come back if he wants to, you know?”

“I know,” Adina confirmed with a small nod, though the doubtful look in her eyes made it clear that she did not approve of it, either. “The other option is to revert back to how you were when you first came to us—stay close to the other unmated subs, and don't wander off alone, especially around the full moon.”

~*~

The following afternoon, Harry Apparated to Remus's cabin on the edge of the wood, his head so overwhelmed with conflicting thoughts and emotions that it was rather a miracle that he didn't splinch himself in the process.

Harry traipsed to the door, and it opened before he even reached it. His heartbeat tripled in an instant when he saw Remus standing there, beaming at him.

Despite his concerns over everything, he could not help but close the distance between himself and Remus at a run, and he shivered with delight when he felt the older man close his arms around him and kiss him soundly. Like every other time they'd kissed in recent history, it felt to Harry very much like he had come home.

“Hi,” Harry said when they'd reluctantly broken the kiss, and Remus smiled at him again with that same warm, welcoming expression.

“Hi,” he echoed with a chuckle, and kissed Harry again. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Harry replied at once, and arched up for another kiss. “We've only been apart for barely a day...is it bad that we've got such bad separation anxiety for each other?”

“I'm not sure if it's true separation anxiety,” Remus answered as he slowly pulled back from the embrace, and with a hand at Harry's back, he led him inside. “More like we're still not used to having each other around again. It's still a luxury for us.”

Harry wrapped an arm around Remus's waist, and leant against his side a little as they wove their way towards the kitchen, where the table was leaden with a pot of tea and a tray of small homemade cakes.

“I think we should talk a bit before we...er, relax,” Remus said, his face tinting a little pink, and Harry bit his lip to keep from laughing at the physical reaction to his own words. It did not take a genius to work out that by relax Remus obviously meant snog.

“What d'you want to talk about?” Harry asked as he took a seat and moved to pour the tea, while leaving a generous gap in Remus's so that he could drown his in milk and sugar. The older man smiled gratefully as he accepted the cup, and proceeded to do just that while he answered Harry's question.

“I think we need to discuss how we're going to go forward with all of this,” Remus explained as he picked up a teaspoon to stir his sugary, milky concoction. “I don't want to risk a repeat of last time—I don't want to hurt you again, Harry.”

“Well...so far, I'd say you're doing quite well,” Harry offered as he reached across the table to take one of Remus's hands. He smiled brightly as he squeezed Harry's fingers with his own before he reluctantly let go.

“I think the key is keeping it that way, Harry,” Remus replied in his familiar, mild tone, and sipped his tea. “I could smell when I held you that you haven't been in direct contact with any dominants, but I can still smell them on you, albeit faintly, and it still makes me...jealous.” Remus paused as he winced, and offered Harry an apologetic glance before he continued. “Given how our natural instinct demands us re-stake a claim...I—I don't want to do that to you. If we're to do this, I don't want to hurt you again.”

The forcefulness of his tone caught Harry off-guard—the vehemence with which Remus spoke, far from unnerve Harry, it instead made him hopeful that they could actually make this work. Harry shifted seats so that he was sitting adjacent to Remus, instead of across from him, and he took his hand again. Immediately, their fingers threaded together.

“Erm, I spoke to Adina yesterday,” Harry hedged, uncertain whether it was a good idea to say so at all, “and, er, she said that the dominants in the territory would see me as, er, available again, because you're not there. Her suggestions were either you come back to the territory, or I stick close to the other subs.” Harry felt his stomach turn over guiltily as Remus seemed to balk at the suggestion that he return, and Harry pressed on quickly before Remus could get the wrong idea. “I've been doing the latter...I don't want you to feel forced to come back.”

“I appreciate it, Harry,” Remus replied, “I don't know if I could go back...that place is not exactly one that I remember fondly.” He paused and lifted Harry's hand to his lips, then brushed his knuckles in a light kiss. Harry felt his face flame in response to the gentle touch, but Remus spoke again before he could respond. “Alternatively, I also understand why you're reluctant to return to the wizarding world, and would not wish to force you back there, either.”

“Then where does that leave us?”

“Stuck, I think, somewhere in the middle.”

“Somehow, that's not making me feel any better,” Harry said dryly, and Remus laughed.

The couple came to no more conclusions as they sat there, punctuating their conversation with food and drink, and soon they migrated over to the sitting room. At this, as they settled down, entangled in each other's arms, Harry could not help but laugh a little.

“Is something funny?” Remus asked as Harry leant against his side, and he wrapped a secure arm around Harry's waist.

“Not exactly funny,” Harry replied, “just...familiar. I can't count the number of times we did this you know...before. When things were good.”

“Better times,” Remus agreed, and Harry shifted his gaze up to Remus, and was startled at how perfect and how right he felt in that moment, simply by being held by Remus. He'd never felt anything close to this with Ulrich, or even with Ginny.

Once again, Harry could feel it—Remus was the one.

“With more good times to come, I hope,” Harry replied, and immediately felt the heat rise in his cheeks at the breathless tone in which he spoke. Remus raised his eyebrows, apparently caught between surprise and hope at Harry's statement, and after a half-beat, he drew Harry into a kiss.

Harry reacted immediately, and clambered into the older man's lap, never once breaking the kiss as he went. He felt overwhelmed with a number of different emotions, and this time, anguish was not one of them.

Remus wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and he held him close, a solitary tear streaking his cheek, which caused Harry to pull back and look down at him.

The older man was smiling and staring up at Harry with a look of complete adoration upon his face, but his eyes were shining, and Harry bit his lip nervously.

“Are...are you okay?” Harry asked, and Remus chuckled as he brought a hand up to Harry's cheek to caress it lightly.

“Oh, yes,” he murmured, and leant in to peck Harry's lips once, “I'm just...so happy. I still feel as though I don't deserve you, after all I've done...”

“I don't care about that anymore,” Harry murmured, “you've done all sorts of things to make up for it...you've proven yourself. So stop feeling guilty, all right?”

“You're too good for me, Harry,” Remus replied simply, and kissed him again.

“I know,” Harry replied teasingly between kisses, but pulled back a little as his conversation with Adina came back to him. “Er, there is one thing I'd like to know, though.”

“Anything.”

“Well...Adina sort of, er, mentioned that you were involved with Sirius...” Harry paused when Remus tensed, but forced himself to press on before he lost his nerve completely. “I just wanted to know why you never told me, that's all.”

For a moment, it seemed as though Remus might not answer. His gaze dropped, and far from looking guilty, he appeared thoughtful. Harry bit his lip in an attempt to keep from interrupting the silence, and patiently waited for Remus to respond.

“I wasn't deliberately trying to keep it from you, Harry,” Remus began, while the hands at Harry's back began to trace the outline his spine lightly, and he shivered. “When everything between us first happened, my instincts, my mind, my...everything, could only see you. Nothing else really existed for me. Afterwards, honestly, it never really occurred to me to tell you about us. After Sirius returned in your third year, we never got back together. Our relationship ended when he went to Azkaban.”

“How come?” Harry cocked his head to the side and quickly added, “you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I just—”

“—it's all right, Harry,” Remus interrupted, his tone reassuring as he reached up to stroke Harry's cheek, and brushed his lips in a soft kiss before he continued. “I want you to be in my life, and I want you to properly know me. I want to do things right this time, and it's okay for you to ask me about my personal life. I didn't exactly tell you much the first time round.”

“That's true,” Harry replied, his voice a little hoarse from his dizzying joy and desire all muddled together in his brain, made worse by the gentle touches Remus was bestowing on him. He shook his head a little in an attempt to clear it (which, none too surprisingly, didn't help) and refocused his attention on their topic of conversation. “So, if it's okay for me to ask, why did you two not get back together?”

“Sirius and I...we tried to make it work after, but we no longer...fit,” Remus explained, a note of grief in his voice as he spoke. “I had changed too much, or Sirius had changed too little, I'm not certain. But we just...” he trailed off and shook his head. “We stayed friends, of course, we still cared about each other, even if we were no longer romantically involved. In a way, I'm almost glad, I—the Department of Mysteries incident was hard enough, I don't know how much harder it would have been if we had still been involved.”

Remus's voice shook a little as he spoke, and he looked away from Harry, his eyes distant, lost in memory. His hands had slackened at Harry's back, and he felt his own stomach tense at the mention of the Department of Mysteries. It was still difficult to let go of his guilt surrounding that.

Harry leant in and kissed Remus lightly. It took a few moments for the dominant to return to the present, and he clung to Harry again. It was less like one of the possessive embraces he'd experienced before with either Remus or with Ulrich, and more like Harry was the only thing keeping him present and grounded.

“I love you, Harry,” Remus whispered in between kisses, and Harry smiled broadly.

“I love you too, Remus,” Harry replied, and both men laughed softly as they clung to each other in a tight, needy embrace.
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Lunaticus Book Three: New Moon Rising