Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

I Understand	By : LMG67 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 9627 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Author Notes
- 2-Revelation
- 3-Grief
- 4-Horror
- 5-Thoughts
- 6-Anger
- 7-Training
- 8-Explanation
- 9-Expressions
- 10-Thinking
- 11-Tower
- 12-Pain
- 13-Seperate
- 14-Questions
- 15-Tears
- 16-In their own words
- 17-Tantrum
- 18-Sorrow
- 19-Darkness
- 20-Light
- 21-Passion
- 22-Breath
- 23-Suspicions
- 24-Iggy
- 25-Fear
- 26-Decisions
- 27-Understanding
- 28-Draco
- 29-Harry
- 30-Fallout
- 31-Accidents...
- 28
- 29
- 30
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER

As I said in Draco’s chapter, Harry’s chapter was going to be long. I hope that you all like this.
Once again, please remember that this is Harry now talking about his feelings. He, as did Draco,
must come to terms with what is happening to both of them. Remember Harry needs to be whom
he is, that is how he feels about himself and I hope this will tell you why. I do hope you like it
and that it was worth the wait.

ENJOY!

HARRY

In ranking the worst days of his short life, this one probably was not the number one, but it was
definitely in the top ten. He had been sitting there staring off into nothing. He had sat there for
over an hour, doing what he always did when he was here, but this time he was sitting
differently; he was sitting on the stone parapet with his back to the door and his legs dangling off
the side.

As he kicked his feet absently he could feel the drag of the wards that were in place so that no
one could throw himself or herself off the Tower. He still had not made up his mind whether he
was going to break the wards and jump or just sit there. Sitting here was getting him no closer to
answering the questions running through his head. The questions he would know the answers to
if only he would talk to the one whom had said answers. But Harry here, supposed Savior of the
Wizard World, was scared; scared to stand and face the boy he had hurt so horribly just an hour
before.

He could feel Draco. He could sense his confusion and anger and longing and it all pulled him
towards him and Harry did not know where the strength came from to resist. But resist he would
because he just could not give into this. He wouldn’t give into it for the one fact that though he
was hurting now, the pain if something went wrong, would be even worse. He tensed as he felt
the presence coming up the stairs at his back.

“Did Sirius send you?” Harry asked sullenly without turning around. Since he wasn’t looking he
missed the sharp look that Remus Lupin, werewolf, ex-DADA Professor, and Harry’s parents
other best friend, gave him. How had Harry known he was there, Remus asked himself? Not
even Sirius could hear him when he was sneaking...ummm walking quietly up to him. Remus
considered, briefly, as he walked the rest of the way onto the Tower about lying to him. But one
look at the stiff back presented to him quickly changed that thought.

“He did,” Remus said in his quiet way.

“I told him I wasn’t ready to talk.” Harry said harshly.

“Good thing I am not in the mood to listen.” Remus replied blandly.

Harry snorted but did not reply just continued to stare out into the space in front of him,
unseeing. Fifteen minutes passed before finally he asked gruffly, “you know?”

Remus made a sound of agreement but that was all and the two men lapsed into silence once
more. More minutes passed before Harry felt the need to break the silence again. “I don’t want
him to die,” he whispered softly but the werewolf’s ears picked it up.

“Of course you don’t.” Remus agreed.

The silence once again settled over the two men. Remus knew once Harry had started to talk that
the lapses between silences would get shorter before he actually started talking about what was
going on with him, if they were even able to get him to talk in the first place. He prayed that they
could. Until then Remus kept silent. He studied the boy in front of him. Harry looked as he
always had messy hair, too big clothes, bright intelligent eyes but now there was a defeat in his
posture that had been absent in the last week and this worried him.

This time only a few minutes had passed before Harry spoke again. His confusion and need for
an answer he could understand apparent in his voice, “am I wrong?”

Remus sighed, this was one question they all hoped that Harry wouldn’t ask. No one knew the
answer to it but Harry and he was not listening to anyone trying to help him make that decision.
Sirius thought Harry was right but Remus felt, along with Snape surprisingly, differently. Being
who they were, both Remus and Snape could understand why Harry was doing this to himself
but it also made Remus think about what Malfoy was going through. It amazed him that here he
was, a werewolf, sympathizing with a Malfoy.

“Harry,” he started but stopped when he realized he had nothing to say, “I don’t know,” he
finished lamely.

Harry turned and looked at the confused look on his friend’s face and smiled slightly, “me
neither.”

Remus chuckle at that, “Welcome to the world of relationships Harry. A word of advice though,
never, ever say ‘I don’t know’ when the questions is ‘am I wrong?’”

Harry chuckled as well; “I’ll keep that in mind.” Remus was glad to see a more open, albeit sad,
look on Harry’s face. The silence that fell was easier to handle than the previous ones. Remus
knew that all he had to do now was wait and he would have Harry talking everything out,
something the young man needed desperately to do.

“Why can’t I have a year without something happening to me?” Harry complained minutes later.
Remus didn’t answer he just waited for the real question Harry needed to ask. “I know I’ll never
have the 3 bedroom, 2 bath, white picket fence life but one year without my attempted murder
would be good.”

Harry sighed and ran a shaky hand through his already messy hair. “I want kids Remus, if I
survive, I want a lot of kids. I can’t have that with him but that doesn’t stop me from wanting
him.” He said sadly.

The frustrated boy got up from the parapet and started pacing the small area on top of the Tower.
“Why can’t everyone just leave me alone? I tried to push them away but they wouldn’t go.” He
laughed softly but harshly, “They are going to get themselves killed and for what? Me!? I don’t
deserve them. I don’t deserve any of it. Why now? Why him?”

“Because you needed him, Harry.” Remus said softly but loud enough to break into Harry’s rant.
Harry stopped his furious pacing and stood stiffly with his back to the older man.

“I need no one”, came the cold steely voice of the young man before him. Remus could feel the
anger and power radiating from the young wizard.

“Really?” He asked him with a raised eyebrow and a questioning look. “Then what happened
last night? What happened last Sunday?”

Harry turned sharply to face him the scowl back on his face, “Sunday?” He questioned fearful
that the adults knew what had happened in the infirmary.

“Yes Harry, who pulled you back and distracted you enough for Dumbledore to gather your
powers? Who, in your time of distress, did you listen too?” Remus plowed on disregarding the
look on Harry’s face. Remus knew Harry didn’t need platitudes right now, he needed straight
talk without all the sentimental bull. “Why now you asked, because you needed him -right now,
that is the nature of the bonds that you share Harry. To give you what you need. You don’t have
to understand why. What happened last night Harry? Did you think that was nothing? You
almost died. Do you know why you didn’t? Because in the end you meant to much to him for
him to go through with...”

“Shut up!” Harry growled softly but dangerously interrupting someone once again. It was
becoming a bad habit for him. He stood, hands fisted in anger, in front of someone who he
respected and loved tightly holding onto his anger fearing that he couldn’t stop himself if he lost
control.

Remus was surprised enough at his vehemence that he did indeed shut up and quickly. He took
one step back before he could stop himself. He had helped clean the training room after Harry
had lost control and he didn’t want the boy to do that here. There was no telling where his body
would end up if he did. Harry’s cold voice washed over him and he shivered at what he heard in
it.

“I know Remus...I know what he did. But that can’t change this. I have to do this. Don’t you
see? Can’t any of you see?” Harry faltered, his voice going from brisk to shaky in seconds. “I am
going to die and when I do I need to know that he will live.” Harry felt the anger leave him
abruptly and his voice lost the remaining coldness and he was once again Harry Potter the young
man, not Harry Potter the Boy Who Lived and the persona he showed the rest of the world.

“I won’t be able to handle much more, Remmy.” He whispered, the perfect picture of an angry,
lost young man. He turned to the archway and called out, “I know you are there.”

Sirius stepped out from around the doorway with a sheepish grin on his face. “Harry?” He
questioned.

“Stop Siri, not you too.” Harry said sullenly. He turned to include the other man, “I need
someone to understand someone who can tell him after I am gone.”

“Harry,” Remus said flatly, “there will be no chance to tell him. You die and he will too. If you
feel this strongly that you are going to die why don’t you take whatever happiness you can get
before that? I think that is what most of us, especially Malfoy, do not understand.”

“He won’t die! Do you hear me? He can’t!” Harry cried out harshly.

Sirius took his life in his hands as he stepped up to Harry and placed his hand comfortably on his
arm. “Why can’t he die Harry?” He asked.

Harry angrily shook off the comforting hand and wrapping his arms around himself started
pacing again. “I need to know he will live. He has too.” Harry trailed off as he continued to pace.
The older men looked at each other but did not speak. They knew that they were about to hear
why Harry was doing this. Remus felt a shiver of fear for what they were about to find out run
down his spine.

“Harry?” Sirius stressed after Harry had been mumbling and pacing for five minutes without
looking like he was about to stop.

“What!” Harry snapped but did not stop his pacing.

“Why?”

“I have too...I need...too” Harry said harshly his voice cracking.

The men stayed silent hoping that he would continue. Even in the silence they almost missed
when he started to talk again. He started, trying to string together sentences that would make
them understand, though he didn’t think that they would. It was disjointed, choppy, but still it
was all that he could get out.

“He is so pure. I would only taint him. I only know part of what he has endured but the part I
know about breaks my heart. I want to wrap him in me and never let him out. But I won’t be
here to do that. I am trying to keep him alive. Why can’t you see that? He deserves more. More
than me. I am nothing. Being with me would take away everything that he knows. His father,
though I hate him and wish him dead, is still his father. It would hurt him to have him die. I think
the reason I have resisted going after Lucius Malfoy is because I didn’t want to hurt Draco. How
many people have died because of that decision?”

“Harry, it was not your fault” Sirius said insistently.

“Wasn’t it? Tell me Siri why you think it was not my fault?” Harry’s voice went cold again as
the anger rose at his Godfather’s words.

“Voldemort killed those people, he and his Death Eaters, not you Harry.” Sirius said bluntly.

Harry shook his head slowly his voice soft but with an edge they had never heard before in it, “I
read somewhere that life is just a series of events, Sirius. One event, one second, shapes the
future. Don’t for that second think I had nothing to do with those deaths.” Harry held out his
arms in the proverbial sign of the cross. “The blood in this body brought him back. That was my
second. If I had died that night with Cedric Voldemort would not be here today. Blood tells the
story of your life. My blood and his, my blood with his.”

The two shocked men watched as his face closed off and he became cold again. He turned from
them to stare out into the blue sky. “But I digress,” he whispered harshly, “don’t I? I try not to
think about it but it screams in the back of my mind. Day and night the screams, they never stop.
Until this last week, unless he is there, I touch him and I am on fire, no longer cold, and the
silence...I want, no I need that silence.”

He turned with haunted eyes and faced the two men, “I hear each and every victim. I can pick
out their names and why they were killed. Do you have any idea how many there are?” He
grunted and shook his head, “No, I guess you can’t.”

“I tried so hard to stay away. So hard to keep him safe. But the fire and the silence drew me back
to him time and time again. And now, now I have hurt him more than I can fix. He hates me now
and that is ok because then he will stay away and by staying away he will stay alive. That and
only that is my one wish.”

“I want you to make that wish come true.” Harry pleaded with his godfather. “As the last of my
family please promise me you will keep him safe. I can do this if I know he will live. I can
handle the hurt, the fear, and the loneliness if I can get your promise.”

“Harry” Sirius started.

“Don’t Siri. Please, please don’t,” he whispered brokenly, “Just promise me.”

“I promise Harry.” Remus said softly.

“I promise Harry.” Sirius reluctantly agreed.

“Thank you.” Was the whispered reply.

“Why Harry? Can you tell us why?” Remus pleaded.

He turned from them and stared unseeingly over the top of the parapet he favored. “It’s the only
thing keeping me going.” The two men stepped closer so that they could hear him better. Harry
stood facing away from them his back stiff and his voice filled with emotion.

“I look into the mirror and do you know what I see? Nothing, because there is nothing there.
There is no me. I have never existed. I am only need. I need to be and so I am. One day, one day
I will look into that mirror and see myself. I only hope I am not disappointed.”

Sirius and Remus looked to each other not understanding where Harry was going with this. They
didn’t yet understand that Harry was finally pouring almost everything out that he had kept in for
the last few years. When they did both men turned to stare in awe at the man in front of them.
They both listened closely as Harry continued.

“I want to shatter that mirror. Splinter it into a million pieces. Maybe then I can see me.” Harry
whispered brokenly. He shuddered once before taking a deep breath, closing his eyes against the
pain, and continuing.

“I look into his eyes and I see me. Scared does not even come close, I am terrified. His eyes see
me when a mirror can not! Can you understand how that makes me feel? I want to run from that.
Run and never look back because if I can see me in his eyes does that mean he can see the real
me? Does he know? He must. He has too.” Harry shook his head and he could feel the tears
threatening to spill.

“I know things about him that I should not, so, it only stands to reason that the same goes for
him. If that is so...why is he still here? If he can see the real me, why is he not running,
screaming, as far away as he can?” Harry swallowed and took a few moments to calm himself.
He felt the presence of the two men behind him but did not turn to face them. He didn’t want to
see the look on their faces when he said what he was going to say next.

“I know I am going to die. How you ask? I have seen it. For a while now, I have known where
and when and even how and until last week I was alone. I could handle that. Ever since I have
come here I have known I was on borrowed time. The dreams are hard to deal with but they were
always the same. Until now. Now, when I die, Draco is there and...and I can’t tell if he dies or
not. I can fight this feeling...this longing...for him long enough to do what I must.”

Harry turned and faced the men, one his Godfather and the other his friend, the stark look of pain
on his face making the two men gasp at the horror of it. This was something no one, but
especially someone this young, should ever have to face. “I love him enough to hurt him now so
that later he will live. Now do you understand?”

“Oh God Harry” Sirius choked out weakly before gathering his godson in his arms. Harry felt
the arms surround him. He didn’t feel like crying but he could not stop his body from shaking.
Sirius stared at Remus with a guilty look on his face. Neither man knew what to say. Remus
shook his head at Sirius’ questioning look, he didn’t have a clue as to how to comfort the
distraught boy. Before he could say anything Harry started to speak again.

Harry talked as his Godfather held him close. “I am so numb, so tired. I want the pain to end. I
can’t handle anymore. And then he is there and nothing else matters. Nothing but him and the
way that he makes me feel. I want so much to give into him, so, so much.”

“All I want is to be me. Just me. I don’t want to do this you know. Sometimes all I think about is
running till I can’t even find myself. But then someone will come to me with a question or Ron
and Hermione will need advice and they will bring me back down here. Down where I know I
am needed no matter if I run or not. Sometimes I wish I had died that night instead of Cedric.
I...I hate that you know. I don’t want to be needed. I just want to be me. All my life this is
exactly what I have waited for. It kills me not too...to just...” Harry stopped unable to continue as
the dark emotions threatened to overcome him.

Sirius stared at Remus over Harry’s head and the look of fear and pain in his eyes broke Remus’
heart. He knew that Sirius blamed himself for most of Harry’s troubles no matter how many
times the werewolf had told him he was not. And here he was finally able to listen to Harry and
hold him in his arms and he had to listen to Harry blame himself for everything. It was shocking
to him Remus knew. He hoped that this would help both of them get over their supposed guilt.

“I hate the mask I have to wear in front of everyone, even you two. With Draco, the mask was
harder to maintain, it slipped every time he was around. I fought so hard. I tried so hard not to
care. Then I tried so hard not to hurt him but it never worked. No matter how hard I pushed he
was always there. With him I can just be me. Do you have any idea how great that feels?”

Harry stepped from his Godfather’s arms and faced them. His tired look was replaced with a
look of understanding of his Godfathers feelings, a look that surprised both Sirius and Remus.
He placed his hand briefly on the arm of his Godfather and gently squeezed in silent
understanding and turned to pace once again. This pacing was unlike the others, as it seemed to
give Harry the ability to talk out what he wanted to say.

“He’s not perfect. Hell, I’m not perfect. But he is closer to being perfect than anything in this
world. The things that have changed in the last two weeks are frightening. For the last year I
have known that my feelings for him have been changing, no matter how hard I tried to fight it
and deny it. But these last two weeks have been...amazing, but they have also been heaven and
hell because I know nothing can come of it. And that hurts.”

“He has been hurt so much and all I am doing is hurting him more. I don’t understand these last
two weeks, not really. How can we go from hating each other to being lovers or even friends?
We can’t, not that fast.”

“I feel forced. I don’t know if he feels the same but just the thought that he could hurts. I want
him to understand and to not be mad. But he is so angry and he has every right to be. He wants to
walk down the hallway and be his old self. He wants to wrap the coldness and his anger around
himself so that he no longer feels. He, as I, needed that coldness to survive and this has taken
that away. Resentful does not even cover how we feel.” Harry grinned crookedly at the two men
as he past them in his pacing. The swings in his emotions should have worried him but they
didn’t.

“I know I have made it worse and I wish I could help him see. We were meant to be together. I
am not denying that. I want to go to him and beg him to forgive me. I want to take him in my
arms and show him how I feel. I want too be able to love him. I want the hurt that I caused him
to never have happened in the first place. But I don’t want everything to go back to the way it
was.”

“I want to wake up and watch him as he sleeps. He is so beautiful so so...” he laughed lightly,
“not nice. But I wouldn’t change him. I’ll bet you didn’t know that he’s the classic meat and
potatoes kind of guy, he takes way to much time with his hair but I am not complaining, he is
mean, spiteful, caring, funny, and loyal. He sleeps on his back and he snores very quietly. Just
being near him calms me.”

“I know these things, all of them, about him. But we have never had a simple conversation. We
have had no conversation that hasn’t started or ended in verbal or physical violence. But I know
these things.”

He smiled sadly and ran a hand through his already messy hair as he paced the small confines of
the Tower. His throat was beginning to go dry but he had started talking and for some reason he
could not stop. The words were being pulled from him somehow.

“I...I want to live. But I want him to live more. Ar son iad siúd a ghráim, iobróidh mé .” Harry
whispered more to himself than the two men there.

“I would gladly die if it meant he would live.” Harry turned at Sirius’ grunt and smiled sadly
again. He nodded his head once in acknowledgment of his pain then continued softly. He was
trying to reassure them both, “what we want to do and what is right to do are sometimes two
different things. We must do what is right. I have chosen to do the right thing no matter the
amount of pain I cause him or myself because in the end that does not matter.”

Harry turned and walked to the parapet that he favored and stood there staring out but only
seeing blond hair and bright silver-blue eyes. He sighed and began to speak again. It was obvious
he was tired and the emotional drain this was having on him was as obvious. But he continued
on forcing himself to speak and not clam up like a part of him was screaming to do. They needed
to know and the only way they would was if he told them.

“I don’t know what is going to happen. I think about it constantly, every day, every second, and I
want it to stop. If making everything stop means I have to give him up than that is what I will do.
I will make that sacrifice. I can’t just give into this, if I do then everything we have worked for in
the last year will have been for naught.”

“But I would sacrifice everything for him. And that means that I can’t. I can‘t put him before
every innocent. My heart screams at me every time he is near but my head remains in charge. It
knows that it is right. I...I hurt him now so that he may live. And he knows this I know he does.
He knows why I am doing this and it kills me that I hurt him deliberately. I will continue to hurt
him because I can’t see any other way. If there were I would take it. I would jump at the chance
to have him. I would do anything...anything to make him happy. Except this. Because I can‘t.”

“There is nothing in this world I want more than him. But I will not put him above others. No
matter what anyone says. I do that once and I will be lost. I can’t no matter that I want too with
all my being. All I have left is the hope that if I survive he will be there for me. But I can’t ask
him until then. It hurts, God it hurts, to see the pain in his eyes and know that I put it there. I will
do this...I have too.”

“I...”

The two men glanced at one another and as one stepped up behind Harry. They each put a hand
on the shoulder in front of them and waited for him to finish silently giving him their support.
They could feel the tension running thought the youth’s body and was amazed at the strength he
had to not have dropped already.

“I want him to understand. He is everything to me. All I want to do is have him take me in his
arms and let the world carry on without us.” Harry whispered brokenly. All this time he had
fought back the tide of tears and now he felt over whelmed with them.

The silence stretched as Harry’s breathing went from ragged and choppy to slow and even
though the tension had still not left him. Once he had his breathing under control the two men
removed their hands from his shoulders.

Remus’ voice was soft but full of questions, “then why don’t you do that Harry?”

Shrugging his shoulders Harry stressed bitterly, “Because I can’t. What good would it do
Remus? Would the world leave me alone? Could I live my own life?”

“Harry why didn’t you tell us any of this sooner?” Sirius asked gruffly.

Harry turned and faced them once again smiling sadly; “It would not have mattered what I want
Siri. I would not leave. I will not have people die if I can stop it. I know it is not wrong to want
my own life but it is wrong to have that life based on the deaths of innocent people. I could not
live like that. I would have less of a life than I do now if I did.”

“I am sorry I couldn’t be there for you Harry.” Sirius said.

Harry walked to his Godfather and gave him a tight hug. “I don’t blame you Siri or you Remus
or anyone. The blame is not yours, so please, don’t think about it.”

“What are you going to do Harry?” Remus asked.

He sighed and stepped away from Sirius, “What I have always done. Fight and pray to survive.”

“And Draco?”

“I...” Harry paused uncertainly, “I don’t know Remus.”

“What do you want Harry?” Sirius demanded.

“It does not matter what I want Siri. I will do what I must. Only if I survive will that matter.”

“And if you survive? What then?” Remus said tersely.

Harry glared at Remus. “Then I hope that he will forgive me for his pain.”

“And if he can’t?”

Harry turned his glare to Sirius. “Then I hope that he finds someone who can give him what I
can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” The question was fired at him from both sides.

Harry drew in his anger before answering, “Both.” He ground out.

“Harry,” Sirius said, “you can’t keep this locked inside. It only causes you more pain.”

Harry’s shoulders slumped as he felt the weight of his quilt bare down on him. “I know. I am just
not sure I even know how to feel anymore Siri. I...try. It comes out wrong. All I do anymore is
hurt others.”

“What happened Harry?” Remus asked.

Harry stiffened and turned from them, “I do not wish to talk anymore.” He stated clearly the
coldness was radiating from him again and the two men knew they had probably gotten more out
of him than they could have hoped for.

“Why?” Remus asked bluntly. Remus ignored Sirius’ confused look. They had gotten Harry to
talk and Remus wanted answers. Besides, this was something that had been eating at him for
days.

Harry swirled around to glare menacingly at the werewolf. “Don’t Remmy.” He said viciously.

“Stop pushing us away Harry.” Remus said standing there calmly in the face of Harry wrath.

“No,” he snapped, “I will stop pushing you away when you stop pushing me. Since you won’t do
that you can just drop it.”

Remus shook his head sadly, “Harry,” he pleaded, “tell us what happened.”

Harry’s eyes had gone cold again and he had obviously closed himself back off. He said nothing
as he stared the werewolf down. Sirius glanced confusedly from one to the other. He cleared his
throat in the tense silence, “what is going on?”

Remus did not take his eyes from Harry as he answered Sirius, “Most people do not wake up one
day without emotions Sirius. Something happens to make them that way.”

Sirius whipped his gaze from Remus to Harry and yelled, “What! Harry what is he talking
about?”

“He thinks that something happened to me. Isn’t that right Remus? You are talking about abuse
aren’t you? Sexual or physical abuse.” Harry said crossly. “You could not be further from the
truth. Nothing like that happened to me.”

“Then what did happened to you?”

Harry snorted in disbelief, “you ask me that? You know what my life has been like, isn’t that
enough? Not everyone is abused Remus. It was nothing of the sort.”

“Then what was it Harry?” Sirius asked fearfully.

“Nothing.” Harry suggested.

“Don’t give me that!” Remus snapped at him.

“Shut up ok? I am not talking about this. Talking won’t change anything. Don’t you get it? Drop
it both of you.” Harry snarled.

“How can we when you just told us that you have no idea how to deal with your emotions and
that you have been dreaming about your own death?” Remus asked indignantly.

“Because I am asking you too Remus. Shouldn’t that be enough of a reason?” Harry asked
tiredly.

“I..”

“Remus...” Sirius said cautiously shaking his head no.

Harry lost it again and his anger surged, “My God, you think it is some big secret don’t you?
Poor Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived, Dumbledore’s Pawn, Gryffindor Golden Boy, has been
abused. Poor pitiful Harry.” He said sarcastically. “But I haven’t, not like you think.”

“Then how?” Sirius asked softly.

Harry sighed and shifted uncomfortably under the combined stared of the two major influences
in his life. “My life has been nothing but death.” He replied his mouth quirking in a smile,
“Death is cold and unforgiving. So am I. Dreaming about your own demise is not conducive to
healthy and happy.”

“Harry, did it ever occur to you that this dream of your death might not be real?” Came the voice
of the Headmaster as he stepped from the archway.

Harry’s head snapped around to face the Headmaster and he glared at the intrusion. He hadn’t
felt him approach. How could that be? Harry was sure the wards he had placed on the Tower
would warn him when someone approached. The Headmasters question took a few seconds to
register and when it did Harry could not stop the surge of hope in his chest.

“What do you mean?” Sirius demanded.

Dumbledore smiled at the three men. “It is simple really. I am surprised that young Harry here
has not thought of this sooner.”

“What are you talking about Professor?” Harry asked.

“Why your visions Harry.” Was all he had to say before the slim thread of hope in Harry’s heart
died a quick death.

“No Professor, these aren’t my visions. My scar doesn’t hurt when I dream it.” Harry said sadly.

“There are other ways Mr. Potter.” Dumbledore said the twinkle still in his eyes, “tell me Harry
has there been anything different lately?”

“More headaches but I thought that was because of the training.” Harry said conveniently
forgetting to mention the voice in his head. Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled even more.

“And when did the first dream occur?”

Harry drew his brows in in thought, “last year in the fall I think.”

“I see.” The Headmaster hummed.

“Sir, I don’t understand.”

“Hm, and tell me Harry when did Mr. Malfoy start appearing in these dreams?”

“Last Sunday night” came Harry's answer. With it came a blush that flooded his face as he
remembered what the dream had entailed before it had turned to his death.

“I see.”

“Professor what is going on?” He demanded.

“Harry, tell me what happened last Sunday night.”

“I don’t...” Harry stammered the blush from a minute before coming back full force to his face.
He ignored the amused looks of the two men standing beside him.

“Yes, yes and the first dream with Mr. Malfoy in it was that night?” The Headmaster asked
calmly.

“Yes,” Harry answered still not making he connection. He heard the gasps coming from the men
beside him and glancing saw the comprehension on heir faces. “I’m sorry I still don’t
understand.”

“Harry,” Sirius started and when he turned to look at him continued, “the bond was started that
night correct?”

“I guess.” Harry nodded.

“And you did what?”

Harry’s brow furrowed in thought once again. “He was in the infirmary...I was hurt. I left him
there.”

Sirius nodded, “and then this week, the dreams came every night?”

Harry nodded again, “yes.”

Remus asked the next question, “Harry, what happened that night?”

Harry blushed as he struggled to tell them, “He...he kissed me. I told him to stop. But he didn’t.
It was...I ran and then...I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was going to die. Then he was there and I
was ok. I left. We didn’t speak...it was scary but...it was like we didn‘t need to talk.”

Dumbledore stepped in to try and calm the boy but the three men knew that when Harry finally
realized what had happened how badly he was going to take it. “Did you have the dream last
night Harry?” The Headmaster asked softly.

Harry shook his head no. “and this morning how did you feel?” Came the next question fired at
him. It was softly asked but Harry’s brain was over loading with everything that had happened in
the last few hours. And to add to it all, there was that voice screaming in the back of his head
again. His gaze flew from one to the other in confusion, the wildness in his eyes actually
amusing if it wasn’t so frightening.

“I...happy, content...and then I saw him there beside me. I wanted...” Harry looked at them
dazedly, “Sir, I really don’t understand.”

“Harry, the dream came from the bond. Do you understand that?” Dumbledore asked gently.
Harry nodded his head slowly yes but then started shaking it no. Dumbledore smiled at the boy
reassuringly. Harry felt Sirius and Remus step up close behind him and sent them each a
panicked glance. The Headmaster started speaking deliberately emphasizing the words, gently
trying to break the news to the now shaking boy in front of him that he had misinterpreted his
dream, badly.

“Harry...the dreams were telling you that without Draco you would die.”

As the realization of what he had just heard hit him Harry felt his body go cold. He tried to deny
what the Headmaster was saying but one look at the faces surrounding him and Harry knew. So,
the voice was right was all that he could think.

“Oh...Shit! Oh GOD!” Harry breathed. “What have I done?”

The panic overcame him and his field of vision narrowed to a spot on Dumbledore’s crooked
nose. A spot that looked vaguely like the shape of a check mark. His body started to shake and it
felt like it was being dumped into ice cold water and then into boiling water. Back and forth until
he was shivering in the cold and sweating in the heat, over and over again, back and forth.

His body broke out in a cold clammy sweat and his breathing became harsh and ragged. He was
forcing air in and out of his mouth. No...no...no ran through his head until that was all that he
heard, it even drowned out the screams he had been used to living with. Vaguely he was aware
of Sirius grabbing him and Remus yelling at him to breathe but all he could see was that damn
spot on the Headmaster’s nose. He had to get out of here! He forced his gaze from the nose in
front of him and threw his gaze around wildly. He pushed off the restraining hands and
attempted to take a step but his legs would not obey his orders to move.

His eyes wide and frantically looking around, his legs weak and his arms shaking, Harry finally
succumbed to the panic over taking him. He had to get out of here! “Shit!,” he breathed and with
a faint POP! He disapperated from in front of the scared eyes of his friends.

Dumbledores’ eyes twinkled as Harry disappeared. Sirius gaped at the empty space in front of
him and Remus had to force his mouth to close after his own gasp of astonishment.

“Where the bloody hell did he go?” Sirius yelled as he rounded on the grinning Headmaster.
“You can’t apperate on the grounds Albus. What is going on?”

“Harry will go where he feels safe. He has had quite a shock to his system. Give him time and he
will be just fine.” Dumbledore said blithely. “And Sirius you, as well as anyone, should know
that Mr. Potter is able to do many things that shouldn’t be done.”

“You knew he would react like this didn’t you?” Sirius accused.

Remus started to chuckle before the Headmaster had a chance to answer. “Of course he did
Padfoot. Quite a shock indeed!” And with that Remus let loose with a belly laugh that fell into
the stillness. He laughed harder when he noticed that Sirius was not laughing but scowling at
him.

“Don’t you get it Siri...no other way Harry would have listened to us. He is the most stubborn
boy I have ever met. Reminds me of his father. This way Harry had to listen because we didn’t
give him a chance to not listen. Oh God,” he started laughing again, “did you see his face?”

Remus began to chuckle even harder than before and Sirius followed seconds later as the humor
of the situation hit the other Marauder. Dumbledore shook his head and smiling left the Tower
muttering about boys and their funny bones.

Sirius draped himself over his best friend and gulped great gasps of air between laughter, “He’s
going to make us pay isn’t he Moony?”

“Oh yes Siri he is going to make us pay dearly.”

The two men dissolved into laughter once again and stumbled down the stairs in search of the
elusive Harry Potter.

~`*`~

Harry landed in a heap of flailing limbs and harsh gasps for breath. This could not be happening,
he thought to himself in panic. How could he have been so stupid? He fell to his knees as the
spots before his eyes grew till all he saw was nothing but blackness. “Draco,” he whispered once
more before the loss of oxygen grew too much for his already hurting body to handle and he
slipped into the blackness that was waiting to claim him.

He did not know how long he had laid there but he knew that it could not have been long. The
dust had not settled completely from his entrance. He looked around and recognized the room in
the Shrieking Shack where he had first met Sirius Black, his godfather and Azkaban escapee. He
sneezed violently as he struggled to stand, his legs week and shaky. He had apperated here! He
didn’t know how to apperate so it was a good thing that he hadn’t splinched himself. That would
have been embarrassing and slightly hard to explain.

Harry sighed as he ran a dirty hand through his already messy hair. What now? The panic had
faded somewhat and he now had some control over his emotions but he was still no closer to an
answer to his questions. All Harry had wanted was for them to back off. He appreciated their
concern, really he did, he knew that they loved him. But damn it! He wasn’t two years old
anymore. He was old enough and strong enough to take on anything that came at him. Honestly
he could.

Or he could until they, they being the Gods upstairs laughing their arses' off at his expense,
threw Draco Malfoy at him. Draco was a god all on his own in Harry’s opinion, though no one
would have suspected that he felt that way the way he was acting. Harry could spend hours
worshipping at his feet. If Draco didn’t hex him into oblivion the next time they met. In fact, in
countless dreams since last year Harry had done exactly that. He felt his face grow hot as he
remembered some of those dreams and he had to tell a certain part of his anatomy to cool down.
He often wondered if the real thing would be as good as the dream Draco.

He had pushed everyone away but they had just kept coming back. Even Malfoy kept coming
back. No matter how many times Harry had told him to leave him alone Draco was there the
next time with his emotionless face and his taunting voice, asking questions that Harry couldn’t
answer. Because answering those questions would have given Draco to much control over him
and he wasn’t sure that was a good idea. Harry wasn’t sure what he thought about that but he
was sure of one thing, once Malfoy had control over Harry he would never relinquish it.

He was positive that the fact that he was making this decision for the both of them angered the
blonde Slytherin. He had thought that he was doing the right thing. Since he was obviously
wrong he now had to figure out a way to fix the mess he had gotten them into. He just hoped that
things had not gotten to bad for Draco to listen to him when Harry came to talk. Hex him, yes,
listen to him? God he hoped so!

How could he even tell him? What would he tell him? He was absolutely certain that ‘I’m sorry’
was not going to work. Harry wished he had a way to show him just what he meant to him and
what Harry would do for him. He could always go back crawling for forgiveness. Naw, Harry
pushed that thought aside, there had to be another way to get Draco to forgive him. Crawling
was not am option. But he did keep it for later thought if he could come up with nothing better.

He flinched as a sharp pain lanced through his head. He just wanted to forget for a while. He just
wanted to be Harry. His mind felt like it was about to burst. He didn’t want to think about this
mess that he had created. He would give anything for just one hour of peace.

Done.

What?

I give you one hour with no worries and you give me what I want.

And what is it that you want?

Oh no, I am not going to tell you until your time is up. You won’t get me this time boy.

I am not agreeing to anything until you tell me what you want.

Uh huh no deal.

What!

You want an hour of no worries, right?

Yes.

I can give it to you.

For a price.

Yes, so do you want it?

I don’t...yes.

YES! You have one hour...starting NOW!

But...

Harry stopped speaking as he felt his mind go fuzzy. When his head cleared he didn’t feel any
different but when he attempted to think about Draco his mind just...stopped. Like he had hit a
wall and would not go any further. There was no pain, no anguish, and no fear. There was
nothing. He was not sure if he liked it but he was sure he could get used to it. For the first time in
two weeks he felt like he could handle anything that came at him. He didn’t care what the price
was...all he cared about was the fact that he felt free. There was no pressure to be something he
wasn’t something he didn’t want to be.

Harry didn’t want to be the Boy Who Lived, Gryffindor Golden Boy, and Savior of the Wizard
World. He wanted to be Harry, just plain Harry. And now he was. Everything was still there,
only muted somehow. The feelings were not so over whelming now that he couldn’t function.
What was most important to him was that the fear of Draco dying wasn’t there. The last two
weeks had been hell for him. Every night reliving his loves death had slowly broken down his
defenses. Friday night, in the infirmary when he had thought he was hurt, had hit home to him
just how much he relied on Draco to feel alive. He needed Draco. Needed him like he needed air
to survive.

But, for this one hour Draco, nor any of Harry’s other problems, existed. And right now it was
worth whatever price he ended up paying.

You now have 57 minutes and 03 seconds left Just Plain Harry. You going to waste all
you’re time here thinking?

He jumped up and brushing the dirt as well as he could from his pants laughed out loud at the
freedom he felt. No worries was great! His head swam with giddiness and he laughed out loud
again. He swung his arms out and twirled in a circle, laughing.

Taking his wand out he spelled his clothes clean and then spelled the grime and sweat from his
morning exercise away. He murmured a spell and his sweats turned to dark blue jeans as tight as
a second skin and his tank top changed into a short sleeved t-shirt with the Gryffindor Lion on it.
“Nice,” he smirked as he left the Shrieking Shack and headed into Hogsmeade.

He had spent the next fifteen minutes walking around the small wizard town. The thought never
crossing his mind that he was in danger just walking around like this, out in the open where any
ol’ Death Eater could come upon him. He didn’t care. No, that wasn’t right. He couldn’t care.
That part of him was blocked off. A small fear started to grow but was quickly covered up by the
fuzziness in his mind. It was a fleeting thought that no matter how hard he tried to grasp it, it
flew away like a bird to it’s nest. His brow furrowed in thought but was quickly replaced with....
with nothing. Deep down he could feel something push against this numbness but then the
thought was fleeting.

“Harry,“ He heard someone call his name and turned to see Cho Chang walking towards him.
She was a vision, as always, and Harry was surprised at the flip his heart gave. He loved Draco,
didn’t he? So, why did he have these feelings for the ex-Ravenclaw?

Because those feelings are suppressed Harry. That means all of them.

I don’t understand.

You asked for no worries. That is what you got. Not feeling love for Draco falls under that.

So then why do I feel like this? Why Cho?

She was here before Draco right?

I...uummm...yes she was

He replaced her correct?

Yes.

So, when he was gone whom do you have left?

“Cho,” Harry said smoothly, recovering his control over his fluttering heart.

“I haven’t seen you in so long Harry Potter. What have you been doing with yourself?” She
asked as she smiled sweetly at him. Her face shone with beauty and Harry gritted his teeth at the
flips his heart was doing.

Oh you know, attempting to shag my enemy is all, Harry thought but bit his tongue before he
could say it.

“Same as always, my dear Cho,” he said smoothly. Stepping up to her he took her hand gently in
his and raising it to his lips he kissed the back of it.

What the bloody hell am I doing? Harry screamed to himself.

What you want to do.

Uh no! I don’t want to do this.

Without Draco there you do.

Well bring him back damn it!

I can’t. The deal was for an hour without worry. And that includes Draco. An hour is what
you shall have Harry Potter. ENJOY!

What! No...please...I’m begging you.

Harry found himself smiling at the raven haired ex Seeker in front of him. He felt himself take
her hand and place it in the crook of his arm as they walked down the street.

“Sam ol’ same ol’, I am sure you know what I mean. And what have you been up to this past
year?” He asked his tone light while inside he was screaming bloody murder.

“I play Seeker for the Montrose Magpies.” She replied enthusiastically.

I think I am going to be sick.

**Laughter** Teach you to make deals Harry.

As the two walked Harry became more and more frantic. He couldn't stand the smarmy git he
had turned into. He was beginning to feel physically sick. He wasn’t sure how much of this
repulsive behavior of his he could take. Luckily she took that out of his hands.

As they came to an alleyway at the edge of town the laughter died from the beautiful face he
remembered so well to be replaced with a look of total hatred as Cho Chang pushed Harry Potter
into the empty and dark alleyway.

“Stupid Potter,” she spat at him viciously, “you think that you can just walk alone? How stupid
are you?”

Harry glanced down at the wand pointed at his chest and then back up to the hate filled eyes of
the Death Eater in front of him.

He eyed Cho coldly but sadly, “When?” Was all that he asked.

“Does it matter?” She spat again glaring at him.

“To me it does. I don’t want to hurt a friend.” He said honestly. He continued to keep on eye on
her now shaking wand.

“I am not your friend Potter. Friends don’t kill friends. Oh wait, you do. You killed Cedric!”

“I did not.” He calmly insisted.

Harry watched as a manic gleam showed in the eyes of the now ugly girl. He sighed as he
whispered the spell that erected a shield around him. He really didn’t want to hurt her. He
watched her closely, as he had been trained to do, for the sign her body would give off right
before she cast her charm. As her eyes widen slightly Harry knew he had a choice to make. He
knew he didn’t want to hurt her but the anger flowing through him was screaming at him to kill
her.

“CRUC...” she started to cry out.

Before she could finish he had reached out and snatched her wand from her hand at the same
time murmuring “petrificus totalus”. She had no time to react before the spell hit her. He stared
at her calmly for minutes before he sighed. He knew then that he wouldn’t kill her but he also
knew that he couldn’t just let her walk away.

Harry softly placed the palm of his other hand on her forehead and said gently “obliviate
obscura infantile”. He watched as the once proud girl was reduced to nothing right in front of his
eyes.

“I’m sorry” he whispered as he turned her and with a gentle push sent her walking out of the
alleyway towards the more populated area of the town.

Looking at the wand in his hand he sighed tiredly as he tossed it into the air muttering
“incendio” the wand smoked but did not ignite. He caught it and glared at it angrily. He should
have just killed her he thought but then some part of his mind was screaming at him no and he
shrugged again. He tossed the wand again and after the second “incendio” the only thing that hit
the ground was ash.

You did not kill her.

No.

Why?

No death by my hand unless necessary.

She would have killed you.

Yes, she would have.

What you did--can not be reversed.

No it can’t. But at least she is alive.

I see.

Do you...somehow I doubt that.

I see and understand more than you think.

Then tell me why you did this.

What makes you think I had anything to do with this?

Please.

Because you needed to see.

See what? You knew this was going to happen didn’t you?

Not this exactly, but yes, I knew.

Why?

You needed to see.

See what damn it!

That not all dreams can come true. But that some can.

What the hell is that suppose to mean? I know that!

Look into yourself Harry. Now, tell me that she didn’t stand in the way.

The way of what? I don’t know what you are talking about.

Don’t you?

Oh yes, I understand you completely. You stupid bloody moron stop talking in circles and tell me
what you are trying to say.

Think back to what you told the werewolf Harry.

Stop playing these games!

Kids Harry Kids

What! I don’t? So what if that is a major concern of mine. Is that wrong?

No, it is not. But you needed to see.

I don’t understand you!

Harry, Harry, Harry you are such a simple lad aren’t you?

Look you are really beginning to piss me off.

When you were talking to Remus Lupin this morning Harry what was the one and only
problem that you had with Draco Malfoy?

Harry thought back and all he could think of was the fact that he wanted a family, something that
he couldn’t do with Draco. The bond notwithstanding, Draco was male and even in the
wizarding world males do not get pregnant. He thought back over all the things he had told them
this morning and that was the only actual problem that he had. The other things weren’t really
problems, just...hurdles to overcome.

Exactly...except you can.

What! How?

Remember Riddle’s Plan Harry?

I do. Wait! Are you saying that Draco and I could have kids together if we...I mean before he...

**Chuckles**Yes Harry. If you and Draco...consummate...your bond before Riddle gets to
him then Draco could well have your child.

Harry slumped down the wall to sit on the ground amazement on his face.

“My child,” he whispered in awe, “Draco’s child and mine. Oh God I hope I am not too late!”

Come now Harry, you still have fifteen minutes left in your hour. Let’s see what shops are
down this way shall we? It’s time to pay my price.

What kind of price?

You’ll see...now walk.

Harry struggled to get up the amazement still shining from his face. His and Draco’s child. His
child. Draco’s child. Their child. He stepped warily down the alleyway and as he came level
with a door jutting out from the dank stone wall he noticed a slight smell in the air. It was a
tangy smell. Like fresh paint. It was coming from the open door and Harry felt his feet take him
into a shop that he could have sworn was never there before today. As he stepped from the dank
dark alleyway he blinked in the harsh light of the room in which he now stood. He stopped and
stared in astonishment.

You’re kidding right?

**Laughter** No.

Shit!

Language, language my dear Harry Potter. Now get your arse in there.

Harry grimaced before taking another step into the tattoo parlor.

“Ah ‘elp yose sir?” Came the heavy accent of the rather large and dingy man sitting behind the
counter. Harry wrinkled his nose at the stench of the cigar dangling from the man’s mouth.

“I’m just looking sir,” Harry said softly.

The man grunted and turned his attention back to he book he was reading.

No you are not. Now pick one.

Do I have too?

Yes now quit acting like a baby and be a man. Pick a tattoo Harry.

Bastard.

**Laughter** No but go on, be a good sport now.

Harry sighed in defeat as he walked around the parlor looking at the different tattoos. He gazed
in awe at the many tattoos that he could choose from. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Suddenly he stopped and stared at one particular tattoo.

“See sumthin yose like?” The tattoo artist questioned from right behind Harry.

Harry pointed to the tattoo that had caught his eye. The man gazed thoughtfully at Harry before
turning to look again at the tattoo.

“No a poplar one yose picked. Not many want one that big.” As he spoke the ashes fell from his
cigar and landed on an already brown spot on his shirt.

Harry shook his head defiantly and a small smile curved his full lips upwards. He pointed to the
dragon on the wall. “I want that one” he stated firmly.

The man shrugged and motioned for Harry to sit as he started to explain the process. It was just
like the muggle tattoos, as they had gotten the practice from them. Wizard’s just made it better.
The inks used were almost the same as the ones used in magical paintings and this gave the
tattoo the ability to move. The inks had another property one that added to the price but Harry
felt was well worth it. The inks were actually potions themselves each having a different
property and when combined with the other inks in the tattoo gave the tattoo a life of its own.

“Wot color yose want it?”

“Silver with silver blue eyes.”

The man eyed him thoughtfully, “Silver you say?” The man questioned.

“Yes, why?”

“Do you know what silver means?”

Harry shook his head no. The man grunted and taking the cigar out of his mouth he put it in the
tray with others like it. He eyed Harry before he began to speak again and Harry was
uncomfortable at the knowing look that he saw in this man‘s eye.

“We all wear masks, young man.” He smiled at Harry’s start of surprise. “You think I didn’t
know who you were didn’t you?”

Harry nodded, “What happen to your accent?”

“All part of my mask.” He reached behind him to the counter and brought out a book he had
behind him The Art of Ink by Redemus Fowl was showed to Harry.

“You’re Fowl?” Harry asked.

“Last time I checked.” The man joked. “When people come into a place like this they want to see
a certain kind of person. I give them what they want. It is my mask.”

Harry nodded but said nothing as the man turned again to face him.

“Now, I ask you again Mr. Potter. Do you know what getting silver ink means?”

“No” he said warily.

“Different cultures have different meanings for colors. But in most cultures the color silver has
to do with dreams. Not interpreting them per say, but with understanding yes. There is a theory
that says that seeing silver in your dreams means that the cord that binds the soul to the physical
plane is weakened. Silver promises protection, peace, and love in dreams. It is the color of
abundance in both the spiritual and physical planes when dealing with someone’s aurora. Silver
negatively means a loss or lack of power or being out of touch with oneself.”

As the man talked Harry felt himself growing cold. In his dreams Draco was always in a silver
cloak. His silver white hair glowing softly and his silver blue eyes shining.

“But the most important thing for you to remember is that silver helps you to reach a level of
calm that you may not have been able to reach before. It is the color of the moon. The sign of the
Goddess. The Gift of Intuition. Mixed with the color blue, the meaning changes, the cord
between the spiritual and the physical planes becomes stronger. Combining those two colors is
often beneficial to one who is in need of that particular...effect. So I ask again Mr. Potter, are
you sure you want the color to be silver?”

Harry said nothing just nodded his head for the man to continue.

Fowl watched him closely as he continued explaining the ten-minute process. After he had
prepared the place that Harry had picked for the tattoo he paused before he set the spell to
transfer the tattoo onto Harry’s body.

“Do you have something that you would like to include in the ink?” He asked softly.

Harry glanced at him in confusion. “You can have an item added to ink. Mostly lovers who are
getting the other’s name as a tattoo do it. The item is placed over the ink and a spell is cast that
makes the items essence seep into the ink so that the wearer will always have something of the
one that they love in the tattoo. Do you have anything that you want to add?”

Harry thought for a second. Did he want to add something to the ink? By the sounds of it he was
getting plenty as it was.

Scared again Potter. My that happens a lot doesn’t it?

Oh shut up you!

Harry reached into his pocket and took out the bag that he carried everywhere with him. It was
his emergency ‘get myself out of shit I got myself into’ bag. Taking his wand he spelled the bag
to its original size and took from it the quill he had ‘confiscated’ from Malfoy last Friday in
Potions right after their big fight. Without a word he handed Malfoy’s quill to the man and
watched as he performed the spell. When it was done and Harry had returned it to his bag, Fowl
walked around Harry to perform the spell to transfer the tattoo to Harry.

“The process takes only seconds and you are healed right afterwards. I can’t heal you all the
way, of course, or the inks won’t set. I can give you a potion for the pain of you want.”

Harry shook his head no once again and then had to grit his teeth at the pain that flared when
Fowl said the spell. It was over in seconds and Harry mutely took the healing potion that was
handed over to him and downed it quickly. He winched at the smarting when he fixed his shirt.

Harry signed the paper that would transfer the funds from his Gringotts account and nodding to
the man turned to leave. As he got to the door a plaque beside it caught his attention. The poem
on it drew his attention and Harry found himself reading it and as he did he thought he finally
understood.

WE WEAR THE MASK

We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,--

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding heart we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be overwise,

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see us, while

We wear the Mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries

To thee from tortured souls arise.

We sing, but oh the clay is vile

Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,

We wear the Mask!

Harry stood and stared at the poem. It cried out to him. It reminded him so much of himself that
he made sure to remember the author’s name so that he could find this poem for himself. This
was Harry’s life, here in front of him, written by someone else. He gave it a small touch as he
turned to leave, the man’s voice stopped him at the door.

“Sometimes we need to let the mask slip, Harry. You will know when it is that time. Good Luck
Mr. Potter and God Speed.”

Harry thanked him for his help and he left the tattoo parlor. As he stepped into the dark and dank
alleyway he started to tremble. He had taken only five steps when his time ran out.

It never turns out like you want it too, you know, life...you start out all fuzzy feelings of joy and
love and them wham in two seconds flat the bubble bursts and reality takes a big bite out of your
ass. When the bubble bursts, watch out for the fallout of hurt teenage emotions.... the most
powerful stuff on earth. Bottle it and you could make millions from defense companies all
looking for the next A bomb.

The second Harry’s hour was up and the block was removed was one of the most powerful,
erotic, painful, hurtful things he had ever felt. Crucio was a fleabite compared to this. His world
flipped and when it righted itself...oh God... did it right itself. When all the Draco feelings
crashed back into him, Harry literally froze and burned where he stood. Voldemort himself
would not have been able to move him.

Silent tears coursed down his cheeks as he stood in the alleyway. Coming to the realization of
exactly how much you cared for a person could be the most wonderful thing in the world or it
could be the worst. Coming to the realization of exactly how much you missed said feelings, if
even for an hour, would make even the strongest man fall to his knees.

Since Harry was, somehow, already on his knees in the dank alleyway he didn't have that far to
fall. He found himself sprawled on his butt with his back against the stone wall, sobbing. His
body shook with the force of the emotions now flooding him.

I told you it would not be easy.

“Ple.... please” Harry breathed.

I am sorry.

He was burning. He was freezing. He was falling into the blackness.

No thoughts, no movement, no breath, no anything.

For seconds Harry sat there on the brink of madness.

Before he fell.

**************************************************************

Ar son iad siúd a ghráim, iobróidh mé ~~For those I love, I will sacrifice

The poem was We wear the Mask by Paul Lawrence Dunbar and American author who died in
1906. This is one of my favorite poems and as I was writing this chapter I knew that this had to
be in her somewhere. This is my Harry.

ENJOY!

LMG
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I Understand